eat your young (earinor & marquis)

This worked out better than Louis had imagined. Roy was almost happy to help and still Louis felt like he just stabbed Josiah in the back. In a way, he did. Louis stayed quiet, he let Roy do his thing, talk do whatever it took to get Josiah out of here. He felt incredibly bad, but he didn't try to show it and eventually Roy got Josiah to relent. Civilly as well, which was a good thing. "Yeah...", he just mumbled, walking closer to Lucas, just in case he wanted to run. He put a hand on his shoulder while Josiah was led away. Lucas seemed scared, more so because Josiah didn't exactly act confident in his safety, but as soon as Josiah was out of sight, Louis grabbed Lucas hand. "Come on.", he told him, pulling him with him straight to the ringmasters trailer. There was a little bit of struggling but nothing more and it seemed like he was too scared to scream. Louis got to the trailer with him without much problem, opened the door and led him inside. He didn't see any sign of Leila. He looked at the ringmaster in this dark place who looked at Lucas. There were as always no words for Louis, just a nod that meant that he could leave. And so he did - alone.

As he stepped out of the trailer his heart sank. Josiah would never forgive him for this, but Roy had been right, he didn't belong to those people and Josiah shouldn't be his friend anyway. Maybe this got him to leave finally. For a moment it was hard for him to breath but he calmed himself down, just standing there aimlessly for a few minutes. No one was around. Cornelia seemed to have been taken away to calm down, the kids were in their trailer as well, only the ones who weren't affected by these happenings roamed somewhere surely. Louis would have left the premise if he wasn't sure that he couldn't. His trailer was the first place Josiah would look for him, once Roy let him leave, which was hopefully not too soon. It was getting late at this point, it took the whole day to set everything up, they'd just been done. There was only one place he could hide from Josiah at and so he went over to the trailers of the others. Usually they had their own little fire going in the middle of their camp and sat together and chatted. At least some of them were usually there, not always all of them. If Josiah was going to search for him, maybe they, or at least Roy with his big mouth, shielded him once more. Or they'd gladly watch the show...

Every second he wasted with Roy felt as if he was missing out on something, and every question he asked the guy was just worse than the other. Getting an answer out of this guy felt even worse than talking to Louis at times, it was like pulling teeth, like looking him in the eye and understanding exactly zero of the nonsense he always spouted. "Hey, Jo.", Roy suddenly spoke up, as if he had spaced out for far too long, as if there was something that had needed his attention - it never really did with tasks like these - and he'd lost his concentration right here and now. "What?" "Look here.", Roy told him, but as soon as Josiah whipped around to face him, there was some sort of crunch that he didn't want to hear ever again - the world turned dark all of a sudden, and he already knew that this was a stupid idea from the getgo. Nothing good ever came from hanging out with the likes of these peoples, and now that Louis was hanging out around them, maybe that was a dead giveaway that something had shifted, irrevocably and austensibly into the wrong direction - ungovernable and harsh. This was, at best, a gilded cage that nobody would ever get out of once they stumbled into it, something that they maybe all failed to realize when it was relevant.

Roy took good care of this guy for sure - he was nice enough to knock him out, put him in his trailer and lock it from the outside. What a freak, but hey, he was already injured, he could deal with a concussion or whatever it was that would ail him after that. Too bad there wasn't any blood, but alas, that was maybe even better for the moment. As he sauntered away, it had already gotten late - he made his way over to where the others were, and when he saw Louis already joining them, he couldn't help but grin. "Everything went alright then, aye?", he snorted, happy about the outcome of their little agreement. "I took care of your problem, probably for the night.", Roy was happy to inform Louis - that twerp was way too annoying anyway. Ruth was already there, and she wasn't alone either. How sweet! They were almost like a family, banding together for no sake at all, other than that they were absolutely out of their minds. Well, it happened to the best of them, and the ringmaster kept them around for a reason. "You owe me one.", he told Louis, as he handed him a key that he probably knew well enough. "Just don't wake him up, made sure he's out cold." With that, he let himself sink on on the ground next to the fire, looking over at Ruth. "Now, what on earth did you two do?", she asked, her expression puzzled. "Took care of the ringmaster. He did most of it, I just helped out a bit, no?", Roy told both her and Louis, then started laughing. Oh, tonight would be a thrill.

Ruth was the only one there for now and she seemed pretty surprised to see Louis walk up to their little camp. He offered him a seat anyway and so he got down across from her on a box that functioned as a stool. There wasn't much talking until Roy arrived, but Louis was very busy with his thoughts anyway. He sat there with his arms on his knees, staring at the ground and wiggling his leg. There was too much that went on today. Leila, Lucas, Josiah, Cornelia... even the fact that he sat here now. As Roy approached Louis looked up, waiting for some kind of report and he got it too. "Yeah...", Louis mumbled. Everything was not alright, but the ringmaster was happy and Lucas gone. On a night like this Ruth, Roy and the others always seemed especially happy, seemingly for no reason. Louis only felt terrible himself. "For the night?", Louis asked. Did he even want to know? That also meant he could probably just go to his own trailer, but he didn't want to face Cornelia either. He openly lied to her before and Leila would never be seen again...

Louis was handed a key, the one to his and Josiahs old trailer, which was now only occupied by the latter. "Did you lock him in?", Louis asked. It was his plan as well so there was no reason to be shocked about it. Eventually he'd have to face Josiah though. He didn't want to owe Roy anything either... But he did help him, there was no denying it. "You didn't hurt him, did you?" Stating that Louis was worried was an understatement, but what was he to do? He couldn't face Josiah... he didn't even dare to go near his trailer. Ruth wanted to be let in on the happenings. While Roy cryptically explained, Louis put the key in his pocket. "Mhm...", Louis agreed. He didn't want to talk about it, in fact he didn't want to talk at all. Although there was one person he had questions for. Alice knew what would happen, didn't she? Now was she trying to warn Louis or play with him? Maybe he just wanted to believe that he had at least one ally and when she was cryptic who was to say that Louis was the only one that couldn't just say what he wanted. "Is Alice in her trailer?", he wanted to know of either of them.

As they got comfortable in their respective seats, Roy seemed to be quite glad that he had some more company than just Ruth - she wasn‘t boring, she just got stale and angry easily after a while, and as the two had their own differences, they banded together when need be. Right now for example, when Louis, an outsider, actually stayed with them right here and interfered with the natural order of things, or how they should be. Not that Roy cared, he‘d rather have the half-breed here than elsewhere, but sometimes it seemed as if something else was going on entirely in that head of his. Was he being remorseful about what happened? How childish. “Figured ye’d rather not see his stupid mug for the rest of today, I mean, ya look on edge all the time, ya need some rest. He ain’t gonna offer ya that.”, he explained away, as if his brutality had been borne out of some kind gesture that would only benefit Louis in the long run. There was, in fact, nothing else in his head, wasn’t there? Roy was stupid, that’s what many of them said, but for all the wrong reasons anyway. “Ya look on edge, everything good? Ya don’t need ta worry ‘bout any of their stupid opinions an’way.” “Oh, but if anyone would care, it’s him.” Ruth interjected herself with a smile.

Tonight, they seemed as if they’d been rejuvenated after a drought of sorts. Maybe it was the simple acknowledgment that they were able to live in decadence for yet another moon, or the quaint realization that no matter what, or when, or how, they were all going to live yet another day, for their own sake and to spite the fate they’d already defied once before. “Why else would I bring ya the key?” Stupid Lou; he had lots to learn, but thankfully Roy was the most patient of them by a mile. “Well, depends on how ya define hurt. He might just have a headache tomorrow, worst case he’s gonna be concussed, but there ain’t no way he’s performing tomorrow regardless.”, he sneered, and Ruth chuckled over the explanation as he leaned back and eyed Louis. What a nervous fella that one was, always trying to do right by him and nobody else, except maybe the ringmaster. “Cheer up, this ain’t the first or the last one of ‘em you doomed, why are ya so upset about this one, hm?” Louis wasn’t new to this job, and he’d fucked around too much and now, he found out about the consequences that his actions had. Poor bastard. “Nay clue.”, Roy answered him, and Ruth finally looked at him after an eternity of silence between them. “Probably, I haven’t seen her all day. Doesn’t hurt to try, though.”

Roy acted like he was kind to Louis, but he was far from it. Still, he could barely blame him, after all he asked him to help with Josiah and he did in the only way that was expected of him. Louis could only blame himself, even more so because he was glad he didn't have to deal with Josiah today. "Someone died today. That's funny to you, isn't it?", he asked, tired if anything. He didn't want to fight, not with them too. Actually two people died, Lucas was gone too and he wouldn't come back, ever. Louis barely wasted a thought on him, was he slipping too? Joining their ranks? If he felt remorse over every child he brought to the ringmaster, he would have gone insane by now, still, the thing that most upset him was the discussion that ensued, the trouble he had with it all, he honestly didn't care much about Lucas life. How many children did he bring there in the last few years? Too many to count, it all blurred into nothingness.

"I'm not sure if I get anyone to perform tomorrow to be honest...", Louis mumbled and added a deep sigh. Well Roy and the others could, but could they carry a whole show? Josiah wasn't there, Leila was dead and Cornelia didn't seem like she could do anything anytime soon. That was two big acts falling flat and everyone else being shaken too. It would be better they called it off, but Louis doubted the ringmaster would. Besides, what would one more day of quiet accomplish? "It's soley my fault is what I am upset about...", Louis grumbled. Roy wouldn't understand. Leila could still be alive if not for him trying to save everybody. Sacrifices had to be made, he understood that now. Maybe it was wrong to hope it to be someone he barely knew, instead of someone he called friend at some point. Louis sighed once more while he got up to walk over to Alices trailer and knock.

"Why, of course! Couldn't be me, ya know.", Roy told him with a grin on his face, as if he'd simply heard the funniest thing ever. Why would he care if some mere idiots fell to their deaths, disappeared forever, and were whisked away by the ringmaster? Roy had been here for a while, this wasn't his first rodeo and it was no use getting attached to any of these guys - more accurately, he hated most of them anyway, for good reason. They were naive and doe-eyed, stupid and childish at times, and Louis wasn't far removed from them, at least not during certain points in time. Right now, he was almost reasonable. "He's not gonna give us a rest day, ne'er did. Someone else would have ta crawl up there to replace 'em, ya know?" Would he crawl up there? Any of them could do it, it wasn't like they'd die some horrible death if they fucked up, they just lacked poise - Ruth was ignoring them for the most part anyway. "Your fault? Nah, not entirely. Yer just easy to sway sometimes, that's all. But I ain't gonna give ya advice you don't need.", Roy commented and looked after to where Louis had gone.

Alice trailer just stood there, it didn't differ much from the others - maybe some of the things that could be seen from the dusty windows would attract one to it, or intricately carved nameplate that hung on the door, but its owner had long since lost that kind of whimsy and joy that she'd once brought to the table anyway. Things happened, to all of them; the world around them had twisted and bent out of shape and so had they, alongside it. A knock stirred her, she was currently pouring over her own set of things - none of anyones business, which was why she obscured it with a crossstitch she had half-finished, for its own purposes, just like these. "Yes?" Who would disturb her at such an hour anyway? Inquisitive but cautious, she figured it to be Roy or Ruth, or maybe even someone else that was trying to get her to join them and their nonsensical fun for the night; she opened the door a smidge and spotted a stranger, a lamb wandering into the wolves den. "Why, hello there, Louis.", she greeted him. No need to let that guy in. "What can I do for you, hm? Need a pick me up?"

They were all terrible, but Louis wasn't much better than them. At least he didn't find it funny, though he did feel somewhat relieved and lighter than the past few days. At the same time though he felt defeated. He felt like it was hard to breath and his scars hurt. They didn't often, but today they did and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Well there was no way he could sleep today anyway. Louis wondered if there was any place for him even, being around Roy didn't make things easier. He was a terrible person, or whatever they all were. "We can't have another accident...", Louis mumbled. Sending someone up there untrained would only cause more troubles. Honestly? Louis could use any advice really, but probably not Roys. He learned his lesson. He couldn't be the good guy, sometimes he had to sacrifice someone and apparently it had to be him doing it.

Alice answered quickly but it took a while until she opened her door. She didn't open it afar, he could barely see her, it seemed she didn't want a visitor. "I just wanted to talk.", he told her. He wasn't sure if he wanted anyone else to hear, he wasn't sure how much she knew, how much the others knew and how much she could even say. He wished he knew more. Five years and he learned almost nothing. Alice was the only one who talked to him about this, the only one who maybe knew something and was willing to tell him too. Even if it was only one answer he got to all his hundreds of questions, he was willing to take it and if he had to first give up Josiah or whatever else for good, he'd do it as well. He couldn't protect anyone if he didn't know what was going on in the first place. He didn't want to give up on this notion at least.

"Talk?", she scoffed at him, demeaning and confused. Why did he, of all people, want to talk to her, right now, here and in this very moment? He never spent time with any of them, but she'd heard he came here now, maybe because he was no longer being stupid, or maybe because he could use a genuine change of pace. Whatever the case, having him so close by was still not the most pleasant of experiences to her, especially when she tried to had keep everyone - and especially Louis - at an arms length. Allies were good, enemies were worse, but there were few things she could stand in the first place; not that any of these people were often one of those things. With her eyes trained on Louis, she wondered if she wanted him in or out of here, and she then decided that, fine, he could come in, but he better make it quick, lest she'd get annoyed by anything he had to muse about. "If you want to, that's fine by me. Just don't overstay your welcome, lest I change my mind.", she informed him, almost politely.

Alice opened the door to her trailer, invited him in, and as she did, closed the door behind her. Factually, little had changed about her place ever since way back when, but Louis didn't know that, she couldn't recall him hanging out here even once. Why would he, even? There was no need for him to play their game, yet, he found himself entangled within it all the same. With a slight of her hand, she put a candle on her little table so it would be illuminated slightly better, then set her sights on Louis, who'd braved her own home like he was marching into a wolves' den for no apparent reason, other than that he could. "I will make it abundantly clear that I'm not here to comfort you and that I don't want you to expect that I'll pat your back for the things you've done, but I doubt you'd seek solace with me, let alone ask me to make things right for you.", she snickered and sat down across of Lou. "It's plaguing you so much you're coming here, too. You're almost endearing."

Alice didn't seem pleased with his visit, not at all actually, but she made way anyway, welcoming him in. Louis had to admit that Alice wasn't one for company in the evening, maybe the others were too loud or vulgar for her taste, or maybe she wasn't fitting in quite as well either. Yet she loved to tease Louis just as much as them, like two nights ago, or whenever she caught him when he changed. Sometimes he felt like a mouse or a ball of yarn a cat just had it's way with for a while and then suddenly lost interest. As he entered he took in his surroundings. None of the trailers were especially big, but each was different, mirroring its owners personality. It smelled like incense stick and it was rather dark. He'd never been in here before, but there were plenty of trailer he hadn't gone into ever. It was easier to meet people outside, where it wasn't so cramped if he wanted or rather needed to meet anyone at all.

He wasn't invited to sit down, but with the trailers this cramped it was almost expected, so he did on the chair closer to the door. "Pat my back? Are you joking?", he asked with a tired voice. Today he clearly did nothing right, nothing at all, even if Roy claimed otherwise. Not even his friends were this happy to have Louis here. "I just... need to know. Did you try to warn me or was this just another game?", he asked. Not that he could blame her. If he fell for any of their schemes that was on him and yet he so wished that anyone would be on his side. If restrictions were put on others like they were on him, this question was still answerable. At least it would be if it was a question for him. "I want some answers... I ask for them, humbly, five years and I never dared to ask a single question, but I just need to know. It's not like I could tell any of the others and it's not like anyone would listen at this point either. You were deluding to what happened today, did you not...?"

For Louis to come here, that had to mean some sort of desperation, but she didn't feel like judging him anyway. Why, even? Like her, he was a byproduct of some mad mans creation, and someone that could, without a doubt, knock the wind out of other peoples sails. It just happened, from time to time, that she - too - felt like playing with him, knowing that he fit nowhere, like a misshapen puzzle piece that should fit in the last indent, yet, he wouldn't; he was warped and deformed, because that, indeed, had been his spot in earlier years. "When am I not?", she asked in return, as if he was the person that had to answer her riddles three first and foremost. "That aside, you didn't come here to have your back pat anyway. You want to talk, no? Because if so, I'm more than happy to try and answer whatever you have in mind.", she told him straight off the bat. There were few things that really pissed her off anyway, but Louis being here definitely wasn't one of them - he would go as far as to claim he could be, yet Alice knew better, knew him for all that he was worth.

"Hm? Oh, that.", she chuckled, sounded almost sinister. Now that was what he wanted to talk about, huh? It wasn't unlike him in any way to pursue the truth, and yet, today, it seemed as if she had been the root of his frustrations entirely. There was little she could do, and few things she could manage without running into the issue of having her own limitations exposed, but alas, what else would have ever been the cause of these things anyway? "And you come to me for questions, for answers? I don't know, have you ever considered your faith in me is misguided as can be?", she raised the stakes, knowing well enough that someone like Lou was hoping to have himself helped, hoping to find some sort of solace in an embrace he couldn't even worm himself into. "Now, lets assume it is as you say, what were I to gain from something like that, little Louis, hm?", she smiled at him, not sincerely but not abhorrently either. There was something going on for sure, but there was something Alice didn't want to tell either. "In the end, there's always different interpretations to everything. Now, let's assume I tried to warn you, did you heed it, or did you ignore it?"

Louis could never tell when those guys were joking. They never took any situation seriously, so there was no reason for them not to. Alice at least said something about what was going on and maybe he would have listened more if she didn't get all touchy with him while doing so. Would she truly give him any answers? He wasn't so sure about that, he still didn't know where she stood and what her goals were. In the end she might have just found it funny that Louis had no idea of what was going on or would happen, while she seemed to have experienced this before. He wanted to believe so badly that she'd been in the same situation once, but he couldn't let his guard down and fall for any lies. He didn't even know if they were ever like him, he didn't know if he would fully turn into one of them, or if he would always be different for some unknown reason. It only made sense that the ringmaster somehow furthered or fueled their existence and the kids were at the very least something the ringmaster seemed to want, if not need.

"I know I'm not like you and you all might very well hate me, or at the very least don't respect me, but at least you said something...", Louis mumbled. The candle flickering between them illuminated her just enough so Louis could try and read her expression, at the same time he felt very vulnerable today and didn't want her to see right through him. "Having fun watching me struggle to understand?" That was the obvious answer. He doubted Alice wanted to befriend him. Maybe there was more to it, but he kept that to himself for now. "I didn't know exactly what you meant... when I did I ignored it. It's on me, but that's not important. I rather knew what happened. I thought one of you might have done something but that's not it. It just happens. Is it something the ringmaster does conciously?" Not that it mattered much and Louis wasn't so sure about this. Then again it hit exactly the two people he cared about most. Louis bit his lower lip, trying to shake the images of Leila and Josiah out of his head, but what happened today and how hurt Josiah was wouldn't leave his head. He could barely keep himself together. He didn't answer the real question he had either yet.

Playing with Louis was much easier than trying to get around convoluted constrains to get him to the truth that he desired, so to speak. Surely, this wasn't the only thing or time he came here for, and yet, it probably was something that he'd have to figure out in the end; Alice could and would only help him so much. "Sentimental, that's unlike you. Is it catching up to you, after all this time?" Alice smiled at him, not sincerely or even comfortingly - they both knew that she wasn't out to actually give advice, to give Louis even some tough love, but rather interested in seeing him falter, if anything else. To whittle him down to his very bone, that was usually a common goal among her and the others, and yet, she seemed as if she was doing right by herself and nobody else; there was no incentive for her to conform to standards set by others, much like there wasn't any two ways about simply existing. Still, they were carved out of the same stone in their own way, repeatedly touching bases with one another for their very own reasons, but never free of the impression that one had something to hide from the other. It happened. Things like these were normal.

"In a way. Not more than usual." Which was to say, she was quite interested in having fun with him, quite absorbed in the reality of having to realize that she - among other things - was giggling about things that she shouldn't even find that funny. The complex expression on Louis face, the sweating palms and the trifling words made him such an interesting target; he'd always been that, and to Alice, that was where the fun was, to prod holes into his very being, to take him apart like he was but a machine full of cogs and pipes. With her eyebrows raised, she snickered, as if Louis finally gave enough of a satisfactory answer. "May that be on you or not, we'll assume it is.", she, in turn, mumbled as she watched Louis struggle through his own thought process, now that he had to offer it up to someone else. How long until he hit a brick wall? "He isn't benelovent.", Alice set straight, even when there was no doubt about that in the first place. "Do you think there's a single thing he can't do consciously? Everything has eyes and ears." With glee, she grinned, watched his face contort as he hit himself with a metaphorical axe, over and over agian. Lou was lost - and Alice was having fun with him, even as he faded into the void of his own emotions. "Fate is preordained, however, even fate can be changed, twisted and turned between someones fingertips, I'd fathom." That was more answers than she'd normally give Louis, yet, they were as nonsensical as ever. "Who is to say this isn't about you in the lead role?", Alice snorted. "Maybe it's all a ploy. Maybe I'm just saying that to distract you from what's happening. Pick your poison."

"N-No... I..." Louis had no answer for her. Maybe he was sentimental. Even though he tried to burn those bridges that connected him and Josiah for years, today might very well have been the day he actually suceeded. He never wanted to hurt him for real, he never truly wanted to lose him, despite telling him to go and be save. Josiah wouldn't forgive him for today, neither would Cornelia or anyone else that cared for Leila. Not that they'd think he killed her, but he whisked her away and he'd have to explain her bodies disappearence, the fact that there wouldn't be any funeral, because it seemed the ringmaster wanted to drive this wedge between him and his former friends. Louis could talk to nobody, he was all alone and he was terrified. If only Alice and the rest would at least accept him, he'd have somewhere to go, he wouldn't be this alone and there was no way he could put them in danger like he did the others. Right now they were the only ones around that might consider taking him in.

"I know that." The ringmaster was a monster and Louis saw more of him than anyone ever should. There was no way something like him could do good or have good intentions. At first Louis thought it was all just a bad dream, something caused by his wounds, but no, that wasn't it. What he saw was very much real and imprinted on his brain forever. "Why rely on others then?", Louis asked. Maybe the walls had eyes and ears but at this point he didn't believe it. Sure, Josiah looked like a target, but was he truly? Louis thought he knew, but now he didn't anymore. Everything was possible here, he only knew that he was the cause of what happened to his friends. "Are we still talking about Lucas?", Louis asked a bit taken aback, but alas they were not. Him? Why would he be important enough, why was he in his current position anyway? "Can you at least tell me if you don't want to answer, or if you can't?" Why put restrictions on Louis and maybe the others if the ringmaster could do whatever he wanted? Just to play with him, with them? Sure, that was a possibility as well... He still had so many questions, but he wasn't sure if Alice would answer them and he wasn't sure if she tolerated his presence any longer either.

"It is, I can see it in the way you look at me. The way you're starting to act." Lou was starting to grasp at straws, trying his utmost to help himself to a slice of cake that nobody was really willing to share and in the end, he only got his fingers dirty and the coveted piece decorated nothing but the floor. There wasn't some sort of decorum to be had, and Alice sure as hell wasn't going to ask him to have some decency or manners - he knew better than any other person that this wouldn't work out, not in the long run, not for either of them, and not right here, or now, or tomorrow, or the day after. There was nowhere to be, nothing else to be had. This was their home, until hell froze over or the ringmaster decided he tired of those that he'd painstakingly put back together in an effort to make things seem right, even when they weren't - why her, why the others? If it was Alice who got to pick those who lived, she'd never have gone for some of them, but perhaps the ringmaster listened to some sort of internal rhyme, or reason and knew more than any of them ever would. Maybe that was good, for everyones sake.

"Then you don't need to ask me to spell it our for you next time.", she chuckled. Alice was, in fact, not very interested in Louis in the traditional sense - an anomaly among them, that much she could infere, but she wasn't sure what drawer he was supposed to go in; was he to stay with them, or was he better off with those that knew nothing about any of this? It was odd. Louis knew too much to be kept in the dark, in fact, he was close to the man that tethered between their existences anyway, but on the other hand, he was lost on them, in all their monstrosity. "We're just another part of that, an extension. Like I said, everything has eyes and ears, no? Maybe you're thinking too far outside of the box.", Alice suggested to him, almost forcibly so. Louis was straying somewhere, his thoughts were going places and she couldn't help but wonder where else he'd wind up at this point. "Were we ever talking about him?" A smile, innocent and sweet, starkly contrasted by the deep shadows the singular candle cast onto her face. "Hm, what a good question!", she mockingly praised him. Alice leaned back in her chair, folded her hands on her lap and seemed to mull over it for a bit, before she came to a satisfying conclusion of her own. "Let me answer it like this: There's nothing to be gained or lost from asking. Be it that I unfortunately or fortunately do not know, or that I cannot tell - none are lies."

Louis fit nowhere and Alice mocked him for it. What was he to do if everybody slammed their door into his face? He might end up hanging out with Roy, the only person who seemingly wasn't offended by Louis existence. He wasn't as bitter and cynical as they wanted him to be, nor did he have fun when children were sacrificed to the ringmaster. The warm feelin that he felt wasn't enough to coax him to their side, in fact it did the opposite. He didn't want to be complicit like that. Nowadays he asked himself though if there was a point in holding on. He wasn't even sure if he could die if he wanted do, but he knew he couldn't leave this place. He couldn't resist until the end of time, no one could do that and he was pretty sure that even time didn't matter to him anymore. "I'm just..." Tired was the right word. Tired of keeping his secrets, tired of all the work he did, tired of being blamed and yelled at and tired of being stuck where he currently was. With any change it could only get better in his eyes.

Louis didn't ask Alice to remind him of the one fact he was very well aware of, but only because the ringmoster didn't care about any of them, didn't mean he used some magical power to let a trailer fall on someone. He seemed displeased as well, very much so with their schedule ruined and their show tomorrow as well probably. It made no sense he'd done that if he was all powerful. Why have a circus at all if he was. "And even then, none of you could have made Cornelia drop Leila like that, but it wasn't an accident either. That's why I am asking.", Louis explained. "All this to teach me a lesson? I heard him loud and clear... but why me in the first place? Any of you can take his orders..." But it was Louis. Maybe he was just too good at this. It was all he had, the logistics of this place were something he could mostly control and he didn't take much help either if at all. What Alice spouted next wasn't exactly an answer. Well her not lying was nice, if it was the truth, but that wasn't what he asked. She might not have been aware of Louis predicament, so maybe she didn't understand him, but he also didn't want to tell her something new. "Well then, the fire, was it an accident, or something more akin to what happened today?" Did it even make any difference? Probably not, but he wanted to know.

This was dragging on and Louis was overstaying his welcome by now. Why did she let him in in the first place? To alleviate his pain? Alice couldn't help with any of that, in fact, she felt as if she were intruding somehow, yet still managed to make it count in its own way. There was, hopefully, a way out of here for all of them, at some point, in some capacity, but Louis was going to have to stay behind for now. Was he important? Not necessarily. But none of them were. "Look, I don't know what you want to hear from me, I'm not your friend, you're not my friend. We both know this. But let it be said that I don't think that our worst moments make us monsters.", she exclaimed, in what could either be called a random moment of lucidty or even just the second she stopped being all fun and games with Louis, lest she'd break his brain more than it was already split into. Halves, none of them whole, that was all that remained of Louis, no? Nothing more, and painfully so, it also meant that there would be nothing that came of it, either. This man, in his own way, was perhaps lost to something that even she wasn't aware of.

As she scrutinized him under her gaze, she realized one too many things. There was something off about him, even in this light, at least to her, to a pair of trained eyes that saw and knew too much. Why was he so incomplete in the first place? Was he supposed to give the rest of them hope? "That's what you think, no?" Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes things aren't as they seem to be. Leila and Cornelia know their stuff and accidents like these can happen, they aren't unnatural, but think about it, it happened twice now, in close proximity to someone else, that was neither of those two." She still refused to spell it out, but it was clear Lucas was the one that was supposed to get squashed by either the trailer or the falling husk of Leila - who knew, if the boy had cushioned her fall, maybe she'd not have had to die a gruesome death like the one Louis had doomed her to in the end. "But you're special, he isn't done with you, I'd assume. You're not like any of us, or any of them - you're an anomaly, like him, but different. I'd assume he's trying to make sure you'll not be as you are anymore.", Alice chided him, then looked at one of her windows, as if something had tapped against it. Was Roy playing pranks again? No, that wasn't it. "Did he get what he wanted that day? Did anything else happen after the fire, in line with it, or like the things that happened the past few days? You'll arrive at an answer, sooner or later.", she told him, then got up from her own seat. "It's best you leave now."

They all had plenty of bad moments and aside from that they all looked like monsters in the right light, just like Louis did, but only half so. He didn't comment it, Alice seemed almost sincere, as if she was the one not part of the group. First she pranced around him like a cat, pushing him into corners and now she acted awfully high and mighty and as if she was better than the rest. Truth be told, Louis had enough of her and he believed that she could probably say more, but refused to do so. Whatever the case, she somewhat agreed to the things Louis already knew to be true only to confuse him. He was special alright, everyone could see that but nobody seemed to know why. It could only mean that none of them were ever in this state, if they were ever human at all. Demons spawned straight from hell more likely, but then why was Louis half one? Maybe he'd always been, maybe he was never human to begin with and was just confused about his identity.

Alice asked some good questions, or rather got Louis to think about them. He didn't really know what happened after the fire. He woke up inside of the ringmasters trailer and he stayed in there for weeks. He never saw the damage or the aftermath and even if he did, who could say if anyone was targeted that day. Louis ran in on his own, nobody forced him to, maybe he already changed fate back then. Alice had talked enough it seemed and Louis got up as well. He didn't feel like thanking her, or wishing her a good night, he simply left and closed the door behind himself. It was less fruitful than he hoped, be he didn't even know what he expected. Right now he was lost again, alone and full of questions. Maybe it was best to let Josiah out of his trailer, even better if he was still knocked out. Should he check on him? He only wanted to see him, didn't he? He had no right. Still, he could open the door and then leave for his own trailer and try and sleep.

Josiah was blissfully unaware of all that occured around him at the very moment, if only for the night. Even the soft click of the old lock on his trailers door, as well as the head that peaked in were lost on him in the haze of sleep that had overcome him involuntarily. All of this was going to culminate in something other than what they had planned it to be, and it only got worse the more time went on, wasn't it? Tonight, his dreams were almost restless; he wasn't sure why they disturbed him as much as they did, but they entangled him within his grasp anyway - there was no pitch-black serenity waiting for him, and if Josiah knew why that might be, he probably would never dare to sleep for a single second in his life again. There was no chance for him to escape himself; but he didn't have to anyway. Why would he? That wasn't the lesson he was supposed to learn here, even if he desperately wanted to - never had it been about him anyway, and it hadn't been his task to fix it all either, even if he wanted to believe it was.

The next morning, he was up rather early - his head felt heavy and pulsing, as if it would explode off of his shoulders at any moment. Jo rubbed his temples, tried to remember what it was that had gotten him into this predicament, but he blanked. Right. He was fighting with Louis yesterday, after Leila ... and then ... Without even thinking for a second, he jumped up, regretted it immensely and sank back down in his bed, to give the sudden start of pain in his entire body some time to subside. Afterward, he tried again, slipped back into his boots and slipped out of his trailer, to look for Lucas and the other kids. His head peeked into the trailer; Lucy was still there, but she didn't seem to be in the best mood as Jo immediately woke her up with his intrusion - she almost jumped him, but not out of joy that he had returned. Thankfully, it seemed as if she decided against it at the last second and instead opted to ask him for where Lucas was. Josiah broke the news to her, and Lucy looked at him like he'd lost his head. They both, actually, spent some time looking at one another like they were both guilty of a crime - but Josiahs heart had already sank into his stomach. Louis had never brought him back, and betrayed his trust - it stung, painfully, but they both knew there was no use for something like mourning right now. Instead, he just left the trailer and Lucy went back to the sleeping kids - Josiah was going to grab something to eat, and that was that.

Louis just wanted to sink into the ground and never return. He never truly gave suicide a thought, it never even occurred to him, but now that he asked the question of if he was even able to die, it stuck in his head. It would be selfish and cowardly and nobody would care. No, he had to pull himself out of this. He went to Josiahs trailer half hoping he was awake, half not. He unlocked the door and took a peek inside. He heard him snore a little, so he was definitely alive, good. Louis went to his own trailer next and got inside. He doubted he was going to be able to sleep and he was right. He slept badly anyway, but tonight was especially bad. He couldn't get the image of Leila out of his head, the sounds she made, how her body felt so limp when he carried her, the eyes that were so confused. She wasn't the only one haunting him. There was Cornelia too and Josiah. He hated how he barely spent a thought on Lucas, who he just thrust into the lions den and left.

His thoughts weren't the only thing keeping him alive either. Even though he somehow felt a spurt of energy, the fact that his body ached made it barely count. All his old scars felt aflame, but his reflection looked the same as always. There was no sleep for him and when morning came, he didn't feel like leaving his trailer. Usually he woke up early and already got the day starting when everyone else was still sleeping, but today he just wanted to stay inside. There was a show to plan and do, there were people to motivate, but how would he even do that? Eventually he forced himself up and got into some fresh clothes. Tired he left his trailer, half of the circus was already up. He wasn't hungry, not at all. He had plenty to do, but he couldn't get started. Today would be a disaster, todays show would be terrible, but he didn't dare ask the ringmaster for anything anymore. He wouldn't keep the gates closed today. Well in that case the best course of action was probably to find Cornelia and ask her how she was doing, or rather if she could perform tonight. She wasn't in her trailer, so he tried at breakfast, but maybe she just slept with a friend for comfort...

When Josiah had sat down with the others, the mood was definitely dampened, but nobody tried to let them get to themselves - it seemed as if they were perfectly fine with playing a game of pretend for as long as they could manage to, but Jo soon find out why that was. In the end, Conny sat there, eyes puffy and teary, her face barely able to keep up with the stupity happening around her, but she was being encouraged through her tears in some way, and Josiah was sitting opposite of her, dumbfounded, or at least tried to, when she was the one that got up the moment she saw him, grabbed him by the hand - food in tow, too. Jo didn't even bother to ask where they went, he just let himself be dragged through the rows of trailers that were sat up where he had come from earlier, farther back, away from them all, through a hole in their stupid gate, or whatever one would ever call it, in hopes of escaping the gaggle of everyone that gathered around them with some sort of grandeur. Jo wasn't sure what to expect, but Conny eventually sat herself down on a stump in the area and started to cry, miserably. Naturally. He embraced her, food forgotten, but neither said anything to the other.

As Louis sauntered towards the breakfast express, or whatever one might call that for certain, he had missed them by but a hair. They'd left sometime around then, but it probably didn't evade anyone else that Louis wasn't exactly the mug they'd planned on seeing tonight. Still, he was one of their own for his own reasons, many of which some wouldn't dare explain to other people - and yet, regardless of it, or maybe even in spite of it, the silence that persisted between them was nothing short of a miracle. "Good morning!", someone eventually hollered quickly, as if to alert Lou to the fact that he was still there. "Want me to bring you a bowl?", another face asked. There were far too many of them, even here, but at least James seemed to be up and early too, unlike the rest of those Louis seemed to want to spend his time with. "If you're looking for Jo, Conny dragged him somewhere not too long ago. I think they went that way.", he instructed the clown with a wag of his winger. "Perfectly fine if you just want to eat breakfast, tho. It's still fresh."