eat your young (earinor & marquis)

As Louis entered the small wall-less tent they usually ate their food in he felt it was awfully silent. He scanned the surroundings and saw neither Cornelia nor Josiah. He could only hope they both were okay, but he probably wasn't the on they wanted to see right now. Everyone was probably shocked by what happened. Plenty of children 'left' every now and then and new came but a death like that? Since Louis almost died nothing much had happened. Of course there were accidents, broken bones, cuts, bruises and the like, sometimes someone caught a nasty sickness, but someone dying like that? They made sure nobody was in too much danger, only when they were confident did they not use the net or during a show but even then nothing like that ever happened before, not for as long as Louis could remember. A voice was that pulled Louis out of his thoughts, startling him even and he looked at its owner.

"I'm not hungry.", he let out, his usual feigned confidence nowhere to be seen. Even under normal circumstances he didn't like the attention, but especially not today. Maybe when evening came he could hide from his thoughts and feelings for a few hours. He followed the direction of James finger, but if they had something to discuss, who was he to interrupt them? "Is Cornelia going to perform tonight?", he instead asked not someone in particular, just anyone who felt like they knew the answer to that question. Louis felt a headache coming along too and he rubbed his forehead for a moment. How would he replace two big acts like that completely? Would Josiah even be able to do the alternative show Louis thought up for him? Animals were always good... they could lengthen that section maybe.

Someone breathed life back into the tent as they all continued parts of their conversations with one another, ignoring most of their surroundings as it just so happened that Louis had come by at a rather unfortunate time, it seemed. Be that as it may, none of them were inclined to necessarily believe him and soon, another bowl of food was thrust in front of what would be Louis' designated spot for the morning, simply so he could sit and enjoy an early start. "That's what they all say.", James pointed out to him. "Look, eat up, even if you don't feel like it. You'll need the energy, you know that. We all do. Even if you beat yourself up over something, it's not good to cut back on food.", he was soon reprimanded by those older and obviously more knowledgable than him, even if the difference in age was but a few, inconsequential years that one would live to see in due time. Alas, or maybe because of it, James felt almost as if he had to set the record straight for Louis, even when he was closer to him in age than he'd like to admit in the first place. These things just happened.

His question, on the other hand, reverberated through the crowd that was only getting bigger as more people joined them from their trailers and beds, either with a pep in their step or not happy about any of this at all. There was, in a way, something that was so alien about today that none dared address yesterdays happenings for their own sake. Frankly, and maybe with regards for the future, they should simply not practice without the nets anymore, lest a tragedy like this would occur either way in every possible moment. "Why are you asking?", someone questioned Louis for his lack of compassion, or the assumption that what Conny needed was to not be up there anyway. "I don't think she is, but you can ask her yourself.", Mara pointed out to him after overhearing the commotion. "She told me she never wanted to go up there again yesterday, but she told me a lot, too. It's not like I can speak for her.", she pointed out to Louis and scooted in, over at James side of the table, onto the rickety bench that they still somehow managed to use for these things without it breaking. "Maybe you can convince her to get up there if you need her to.", James pointed out. No way in hell Cornelia would crawl up there, though.

People started talkin again after Louis seemingly walked in at the absolute wrong time. He wasn't good for entrances outside the big tent, after all he was mostly the first one around. James didn't take a no as that and he fell only short of taking Louis by the shoulder and simply sitting him down. Maybe Louis wasn't as alone as he thought. James was stronger than anyone else around here, he was a monster of a man, but mostly in stature. He was a kind soul in the end and at the moment Louis appreciated the small gesture, even though he would have rather been somewhere else. Louis was really not hungry but now he sat there soon to be wedged between two other people on this bench. He usually skipped breakfast and ate dinner on his own, this was weird, but now it was hard to leave again. He looked at the food, still warm. His stomach turned, but maybe he could force some down at least.

Again Louis didn't help the situation when asking about Conny, but at least nobody jumped on the opportunity to talk about Leila. Everyone seemed to dance around the topic or ignored it outright. "Need to plan the show...", he answered one of them, but Mara took it upon herself to give him a serious answer. "No, it's fine, I just need to know." He wouldn't force her, of course not, but he just needed to know what he was working with. Eventually he'd have to get her up there again or she'd be the next... Louis bit his lower lip. Was he doing too much, trying too hard? Should he just let the things happen as they did? "She doesn't need to today.", he reiterated anyway. He could ask her anyway, but for now he planned without her. It was kind of loud here, so he looked at the food again, wondering how much he needed to eat to be let go without discussion. It was easier to think somewhere quiet.

James was eyeing Louis, who looked like he probably could use a pat on the back or some encouraging words - anything to get his mind off of the things he experienced, simply to give him some peace of mind, but he also felt as if he would touch on something incredibly touchy if he, at all, were to force himself and his opinion on the other man, or even just claim that he could help him for the time being. There was nothing to be gained or understood from continued silence, though. "I get it, he's probably got you on a short leash with time constraints.", he told him instead, and it definitely had to be something like that. Louis always worked diligently and tried his best, and even if that was hard sometimes, they knew that they could rely on one another. "Why not get someone else to help you with planning? You look like you could use some rest anyway.", James suggested, seemingly done with his own breakfast and half-finished with the tea someone had made and brought over for him, were it not that he was the first one that came here in the morning to set up.

Someone had to start, and Mara, who was now dissecting her own food, was eventually going to have some sort of idea about how these things could work out for any of them. She was, for the lack of a better word or perception of the topic at hand, aimlessly in love with what was happening around her, be that as it may. Just not with the situation right now. "Try some, it's good. For once.", she told Louis, picking up on an unspoken cue from James, who was just trying to keep the wind in everyones sails. That, he had tried with Cornelia as well, but hers had definitely ripped yesterday, and no matter how hard they tried, she would have to mend it on her own, rather sooner than latter. "Do we have anyone else that can go up there? I mean, if she needs time, which she probably will. The kids aren't really good at that sort of stuff, hm ..." There was a pause, until Mara found someone that she was confident enough in suggesting. "I bet Jo could do it, if you ask him? ... Maybe when he's ways away from having a trailer on him, though.", she suggested rather quickly, and James simply chuckled. That was one idea.

Was he on a short leash? That man or whatever he was never really talked to Louis. Maybe he assumed too much but only when he questioned that status quo did something terrible happen. Well other than the terrible things that happened here all the time, but nobody knew about it. "No, I'm fine.", he assured James and Mara. It was almost weird for them to worry like that. Did he look that terrible? There was no way he could rest anyway though, even though today he felt like he was about to collapse. His body still ached as well, but it would all go away once the doors opened and their guests poured in. As long as he could make it that far... The food didn't look any tastier either and he wondered if he even needed to eat food at this point... What was he?

"I am really not hungry...", he refused, pushing the plate away from himself. If anyone else wanted it, it was theirs. "Someone will have to learn, but we definitely don't have anybody who can do it on their own." With Cornelia sure, but not all by themselves. Mara had another suggestion and Louis looked at her bewildered. "Jo has enough on his plate with his own show, which he can't fully do either for a while. Mara, you're working most with the cats, do you think they can do fifteen minutes more?", he asked her. Cats was sounding way less exciting than it was. They had lions and tigers and even a bobcat. The guests loved to see them, for many it was the highlight of the circus, it would appease people if they couldn't see two of the other major acts, at least not in full. The rest everyone could pad up a bit, including himself. He was a smooth talker as soon as the gates opened, he'd apologize everything away as best he could.

And yet, there was the tinge of worry again - the crestfallen expression that James thought he saw in Louis face for a second, only for it to disappear soon thereafter. Ah, this was unfortunate in all the wrong ways. “If you say so, but if you feel like you can’t bear it anymore, we’re all here for you.”, he assured the younger man - he might be a giant, and at times almost too intimidating for anyone, but James was a kind soul to those who deserved it, or had a need of him. Of course, someone like Louis did need a shoulder to lean on in this moment, he assumed, and he wouldn’t be the one to deny him that, even if he seemed hesitant to take it, more so than ever now. It was almost sad to see and horrible to watch at the same time; there was no way for any of them to get out of this predicament that they found themselves thrust into.

“Shame, I can save you a plate for lunch or later? You should eat before dinner, so you have something in your stomach before the show.”, he offered, and he’d do it even if Louis said no. Sometimes the kids didn’t know what was good for them yet, and James was one of those that would even argue that Louis - who was much like a younger brother - wasn’t anything else to him. In his eyes, the busybody might as well still be nine. “‘Sides, I don’t think we also have anyone except Cornelia that can really teach someone this kind of stuff … Poor Conny.”, Mara lamented, her expression somber, to which James was quick to pat her back. Naturally, they all had things to do, but even now, it wasn’t easy. “Yes, but I was thinking, you know, he sometimes was up there with the two of them, probably more times than I’ve seen them. Conny and him also get along well, so, maybe, he can go up there if we need it, and he’s always asking to do more anyway, no?” Mara looked at Louis as she heard the rest of the question and nodded enthusiastically. “That shouldn’t be an issue, I can arrange that. I think the cats would even be glad about more time out of their cages! Speaking of which, do you need me to ask anyone else to pad out there performance? I’ll go over there soon, so I can probably just relay a message if need be!” Mara would even talk to those guys if she had to.

Louis looked like James almost offended, as if he just wanted him to pretend Louis was as stoic as ever. "I told you I am fine. No pressure whatsoever.", he relayed with a sigh. James was too nice, even worse than Jo and Louis couldn't deal with this right now. He saw Mara eaten by her cats and James crushed by his weights. It was too much to look at any of them at the moment. "I'll grab an apple if I feel like it." James did too much, but he did that for everybody, Louis wasn't special in that regard. Today though, he was incredibly tired. He just wanted to lay down. "I'll figure something out... if it's only about balance I can help out." He dabbled in so many things, at least he could teach the basics, but he wondered if any of the children would want to go up there after what happened. Louis could maybe intimidate them into doing so, even more so since yesterday, but if they were scared up there that hardly helped.

"Yeah maybe...", Louis mumbled at the suggestion. Well Josiah could in the end do what he wanted, Louis doubted he'd listen to him anyway. Mara was too enthusiastic as well and they called Louis cold. Well now he was just being unfair. Louis relayed some names to her, nothing much, just two or three minutes of banter or some slower sections and they'd fill the time easily. It would be up to him to explain to the audience that some acts were missing, but he was confident in his abilities. "I'm... going to prepare some stuff. If you see Cornelia before me you can tell her that she's not expected to perform today, she can rest. Josiah as well." With that he quickly got up. He had enough of this, he just wanted out. So many people relied on him to help out everywhere, so he should probably go find some work, even though he would have loved to just lay down.

With Louis gone, the table grew silent initially, until Mara actually got up herself and waved James a quick goodbye - she went to all the people that Louis had told her to ask, in hopes of just making this mans job a little easier, but she saved the worst ones for last. Some of them she simply couldn’t understand, hell, she didn’t even want to understand them and they made no efforts to do the same for the rest of them. Oddballs, all of them, and yet the ringmaster kept them around for some reason. Mara never liked them, she felt some sort of annoyance whenever she had to talk with any of them and she would stand corrected anyway, they were all the same. No matter how hard she tried, it was all in vain, for many reasons more than one, but she did it anyway, because why wouldn’t she? Louis asked something of her and getting the weight of the world off of that guys shoulders was important in its own regard. Thankfully, at least, he was rather pliant right now and her own conversations went without a hitch - Roy, though, was still a bastard and one day Mara would squeeze the life out of him if she ever got the chance.

Jo spent the entire day at Conny’s beck and call, scared she’d do something stupid if he’d left her alone for just a bit too long, and yet, time marched forward without asking any of them if it could. It happened. There was nothing he could do here, or wanted to do here, or anything that he could accomplish by doing it - there was only the infinite stretch of time between him and his stupid decisions, ones that led him back to Connys trailer and to hold her for far too long. She didn’t eat or drink, yet cried a river, and any of Josiahs attempts at making her any less miserable were only met with weeping. It hurt him too, but he hurt for other reasons as well; he’d failed Lucas, and he was failing Conny, and everyone else by just being here. By now, they were laying in her bed and Cornelias breathing had flattened, she was wholly asleep and he was softly brushing over her arm - Jo was tired too, could enjoy a nap of his own, but decided against it. He hoisted himself up slowly, tucked her in and then went to wash up quickly, to change his clothes and to marble at the sky, speckled with glittering stars for a little bit, before the sun would rise in the morning. With that out of the way, he steeled himself and dove into the tent, back to where the others were getting ready, because he ought to do the same himself - his hair wasn’t dyed quite right, rather faded, but that was the least of his concerns tonight when he sat down to put on some face paint. “You don’t have to b-“ “It’s fine.”

Louis helped where he could, even though he wanted to hide. His body hurt still, this was unusual, but he pushed through it. He hang the plan of todays show up in the dressing room for everyone to see so everyone would be on time and didn't forget they had a bit to do extra. Nobody seemed to talk about Leila which was a bit surprising, but not something Louis would complain about, he didn't want to talk about her either, or think about what happened. Lucas was missed by the other children and they eyed Louis more than usual, running away if he got to close. The adults at least understood, children were 'sent away' all the time. Did it have to be that specific day? Probably not, but it wasn't Louis choice either. He did what he could for him and he ruined everything. He learned his lesson, the show would be held and he didn't even ask if they really had to. Most complied anyway, they knew very well that they needed to money.

As it got evening most of them assembled to get ready. They picked their outfits and put their makeup on. Louis was already done and he had an eye on everyone. Then it was when he spotted Josiah come in. What was he doing here? Louis approached him, getting through everyone else that buzzed around. He didn't even know how to approach him, but professionally was probably the way to go right now. This was the worst time to talk to him too, he knew the first guests would arrive soon and that meant he'd not be himself anymore, or rather, his other self. "Jo...?", he carefully asked looking at him through the mirror. "We cut your act tonight. You can go rest or help out with the stalls." Josiah wasn't one to back down and just relax, so Louis figured he'd offer up a different task.

He wanted to be quick with this, simply because he’d spent too much time dallying around already anyway, and he didn’t want Louis to come offer him some sort of help, or others to worry for him more than they already did. Jo was glad to get this over with, to get himself out there and just enjoy the show he’d put on, so it was no real surprise that his face was stark white with paint already, the moment Louis showed up. Just as he was about to dot on the rest of it too, but there was nothing he could do now, with those eyes staring him down from behind and the guilty expression on that face that didn’t want to speak leagues, yet sang entire poems on its owners demise. Maybe Josiah didn’t hate him, maybe he simply thought that he was silly for thinking that he could ever trust him, but he felt betrayed all the same. Louis had his trust, all of it, in its utmost sincerity - he broke it, into thousands of thin pieces, shattered it by smashing it into a wall and Josiah, who’d never call himself someone that thought he’d be betrayed like this, couldn’t help but stare back at him.

“Hm?” There was no judgement, no anger, no hate - he was tired, exhausted of having every interaction with Louis be a squabble, with having to do things he thought were right while he failed at every single one of them. Jo would carry Conny’s burden if she let him, and he’d carry that of Louis as well, once upon a time - right now, he didn’t feel like even carrying his own, let alone having someone elses foisted upon him. He grabbed a brush and some different paint, to contrast the white and actually draw on his face with, to make it seem like he was having fun at the very least, even if he wasn’t - was he? Maybe he simply felt numb, and pained; he could only hoist himself up from here, hold himself accountable for his own failures that weighted heavily on his mind. Louis spoke, but it sounded so far off, Josiah didn’t know what it was until he had smudged a bit of his paint and was rubbing it off again, to fix the mistake. Right. Nobody had bothered to tell him, he’d gotten here for nothing then; he could’ve simply slept away the night, by Conny’s side, or gone back to his own trailer, but he was too tired to ask why nobody even bothered to find him, to tell him, to ask anything. “Okay.”, he only told Louis, who’d still look at him - and Jo stared back at him, from the Mirror. “Anything else?”

No fight, no arguing, barely any acknowledgement from Josiah. The cold shoulder, huh? That was fine, Louis didn't want to argue, but it was unlike Josiah to back down like this and not want to work. He would have asked him if he was alright, if he needed anything or if Louis should tell him where most help was needed, but he didn't want to keep him and he did want to be done with this talk before he switched and Josiah would only be more offended. Louis had looked forward to some time of peace of mind, but right now it wasn't what he wanted or needed. He couldn't stop it from happening either though. "Do you want to perform tomorrow?", he asked him. It was fine if he didn't, even though he wanted him to get back to work, if only to not be the next target. For today however it wasn't necessary. Josiah could do the shortened routine later and with time maybe Arthur could help out too and they could do something together. Hopefully Josiah didn't forget about that responsibility.

While he waited for an answer he felt something stir inside him. "You can tell me tomorrow." Or later, or whatever, Louis walked away quickly and not a moment too soon. It wasn't like he blacked out, this was still him, but his thoughts and feelings changed. It felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders, but so was any form of urgency or sorrow he rightfully felt before. Today felt different too, he felt more aware and more... confident? Something changed but in his current state he simply took it, gladly so. Why would he question anything? Nothing was important and Leilas death was but a minor inconvenience today, if even that. Louis was somehow excited for the show and the challenge of explaining to the audience that part of why they came wouldn't happen tonight. Would his wit and charm be enough to appease them or would they have a riot on their hands? Both options seemed appealing to him at the moment.

There wasn’t any energy left in him, not a lot at least and that which he had, he didn’t want to use to argue with Louis. It was no use anyway - neither of them needed to argue with the other and they could confidently avoid the problem altogether if they simply never argued again. Josiah knew that that was idealistic and unlikely, even in a perfect world, but tonight he wanted the world to be as close to that as it could be, even with how absolutely not alright it all was. Silence was cast between them and Jo looked at him, still - precious little came out of Louis mouth, but it was a good question nonetheless. Did he want to, was he able to? Jo didn’t feel like rotting away, life went on even in its cruelest moments, but soon enough he was just stuck there, not supposed to provide an answer while Louis darted - he could only guess why, assuming how he was when the world started to revolve around the show that they put on and not their own personal feelings. Would this Louis comfort him if he asked? Josiah didn’t know if he even wanted to ask him, of all people.

Remaining in his seat, he still pondered the answer he wasn’t supposed to give tonight - performing tomorrow would be fine, maybe he could string Arthur along, but he’d have to talk to him first. Did the kids even like him, still? To them, he might as well be a liar and a traitor now, someone that couldn’t even protect them from Louis, and someone that had to earn their trust anew. Jo sighed as he sat there, finished applying his paint and then tried a smile - it didn’t fit, and it looked alien as well; the person in the mirror that looked back at him still looked tired and spent, for the night at least, and maybe even trying to weasel himself back into his own act was a stupid decision. What good was he in times like these? He knew himself - he was overtly useless at best right now. Any other day, he’d have taken it in stride, but tonight, he simply figured he could sit there and ignore the hum-buzz of the crowd as he kept fiddling with his make-up, to see what would stick, what looked awful, and what he’d like and hate - it was good practice, no? At least the others had fun, that was important.

Louis took feeling better gladly today. There was no grief, no regret, not guilt, he was just himself, he felt like himself, even though in a few hours he'd ask himself what he had been thinking. He felt unshackled as well. Not just like a boy with barely a personality, eager to help everybody out before the show. "Louis honey, you look different today.", a voice behind him started and he turned around with a smile. He looked into Ruths face, normally eager to shoo him around and he gladly accepted her tasks, even if he was aware that she could do it all herself without any issue. "Do I?", he asked, not with an innocent child like voice, more with a knowing undertone. He felt different. "Look at you, growing up are we? Well anyway, my dress ripped, would you mind fixing it?" She pulled it up to show him the little rip, easy to sew back together, definitely not the end of the world. "Not today, love, ask me again when I'm miserable. I can't sleep anyway, I'll take the work.", he answered with a smirk as if he was talking about someone else. He was aware that it was still him and no matter the time of day, he was in agreeance with this opinion. "By the way, you should also ask me to help you with that makeup of yours. It's pretty dated." Ruths mouth stood agape and Louis left with a chuckle before she could think of a rebuttal. Today was a good day.

Arthur didn't know Leila very well, but what happened was very sad. Gladly he didn't see anything, but he didn't need to. The whole day the other children were either still crying, or they talked and talked and ran in circles, blaming Louis mostly, but also other people. Anger seemed the best way to cope with it for them, but Arthur didn't want to participate. Josiah was nowhere to be found, but he wanted to be useful, so he asked Lucy what he could do to help. She was nice and not scary and she sent him to James first, to decorate his place, for when people would come by to see a demonstration of his strength. He was nice too, although he was basically a giant. They ate late lunch together and then he brought him over to Barbara, although he said he could go on his own. Barbara was going to sell food and drinks today and she could need the help behind the counter. Arthur was busy restocking and bringing over some things. It got calmer when the show started and Barbara said he could go for the rest of the night. Arthur didn't quite know what to do and all the strangers scared him a little bit, so he went to Josiahs empty trailer. He wasn't in there, but it was a good hiding spot, so he lit a candle and then picked one of the books. The one that wasn't put away looked interesting and maybe Josiah wanted to talk about it if they both had it fresh in their memory, so he started reading it, sitting on the floor because he felt more comfortable not seeing the shadows of countless people run by on the outside.

Jo was done eventually and wiped the paint off altogether - it was useless to him in the first place, he wouldn't perform tonight. What use was it if he occupied a spot others could need? None, absolutely zero, and he'd not force himself onto anyone either, knowing fully well that it would hurt others more to see him as a miserable heap of sadness than if he just forced out a smile. Tonight was absolutely done for; what was it again? Not everything could always go his way, sure, but he felt as if he'd be ran over by a trailer anyway. When was this stupidity going to end? When was any of this over? Josiah wish he knew, wished he had an answer for the ache in his heart that was so deep, it hurt him more than he wanted it to - why now? As he pulled away from his seat and the tent, it was almost deserted, given that the show was about to start, but to him, not even that had served as a distraction, because he wasn't able to partake in it, and he didn't want to inconvenience anyone either - it just helped that they all could stay who they were, as they were, for as long as they banded together and made it work for themselves somehow.

At first he gravitated back to Conny's trailer, to check on her and see if she needed anything, but she wasn't even up. Out like a light at this point, she still softly snored away, as if the sorrow in her heart had claimed her for the entirety of tonight. Jo pulled her blinds shut for her, made sure to see that she was draped in her blanket and cuddled up nicely, and spend some time just sitting there, wondering if she'd wake up and need someone to be with her, but that didn't happen. He'd blanked at this point, confidently so, and by the time he came to it was late, still dark, so probably closer to midnight in the first place, or shortly thereafter. Tired and spent, he made his way back to his own trailer, in hopes of just finding a good nights rest in his own bed - he was all the more confused as he saw the faint candlelight that shone within, but that was probably his own mind playing tricks at this point. With a quickstep, he moved inward and onward, surprised to spot Arthur of all people among his own belongings and ... oh, right. "Not tired yet?", he asked, as he closed the door behind him and threw himself on his bed after kicking off his boots. "How are you feeling?", Jo quizzed him. Arthur seemed diligent, but with all the kids crying around him anyway, it would probably rub off on him.

Arthur jumped when the door to the trailer suddenly opened. He'd been so focused on the book that he forgot everything around him and he looked at Josiah with wide eyes. "Oh... uhm, I... I don't know h-how late it is.", he replied, closing the book in his hand and getting up, because he felt it was rude to talk to Josiah sitting on the floor. Josiah was already aiming for his bed, throwing himself on to it. "Me?", he asked confused. Who cared about Arthurs feelings? Josiah was the one hurt and the one who knew Leila as a friend, Arthur had barely any right to feel bad around all the others. "Good?", he questioned, unsure of the correct answer. Josiah just lay there, probably tired and exhausted. Arthur put the book back to where he found it in the first place. "I uhm... should probably leave. I hope it was okay for me to be here?" Josiah said it was, but now Arthur wasn't sure anymore. What if he thought he was lazy and hid away all day?

"I uhm... I helped James and Barbara today... they are nice.", he quickly explained to not look like he wasn't useful. Lucas was gone and all the children were scared they would be next, including Arthur, even though he didn't want to listen to the others. He knew they didn't know what they were talking about. "I uh... I'm... sorry about Leila.", he finally got out. It felt necessary to say, but also he wasn't sure if this was the right time. Josiah was her friend though and he was surely very sad about her death. And now he needed to bolt. "G-Good night!" With that he already went for the door to not be any more of an inconvenience than he already was.

With the little guy here, he could still sleep - Josiah just didn't not want any company, wasn't it that? He felt as if the moment he'd be alone, he'd probably go off his rocker and just be a mess himself, knowing that he could always try to save himself into someone elses arms, but at the cost of being nothing more than a burden to many more than just himself. There was this absolute misery of understanding something that he didn't quite like, or get for that matter. "It's probably around midnight? Or something like that. I spaced out a bit, sorry.", he mumbled into his pillow as he turned over and looked back at the ceiling. The scenery around him became rather hectic altogether again and he wondered if he just was a pain to be around right now. Still, he listened to Arthur. "Oh, that's fine. I don't expect you to be sad, I just thought that maybe the others got to you. It's fine not to be sad, you know?", he assured the little guy, as if he was the one in need of pep talk. "It's fine if you're here, you don't need to leave either if you'd rather keep reading." He'd much prefer it, at least until he dozed off.

Josiahs eyes felt bloodshot and there still was pulsing pain in the back of his head, yet, he was confident and fine to uphold this conversation despite the condition, even if Arthur seemed to have different plans right about now. "Mhm, they are nice. Did you have fun?", he wanted to know from him. "It's fine if something doesn't suit you, or if you don't quite like it.", he reminded him, as if he had to recall that himself. Sometimes, things just panned out one way and not the other. When was the last time somebody had told him that anyway? Jo wondered, but he couldn't put his finger on it - he felt candid at best, and absolutely dead at worst. "It's okay. There's nothing any of us could have done anyway ...", Jo murmured, confident that she was already a corpse when Louis carried her off to god knew where - he didn't want or need to know that bit. "Hm? You're leaving? I mean, good night, but you don't have to if you don't want to. I'm not going to exile you from my trailer ..." What a shitty excuse to feel better.

"Oh! That late?!", Arthur asked a bit shocked. He should have gone to bed a long time ago and he missed dinner too. Well, that was fine, he wasn't very hungry, but he also felt bad for being gone for so long. Everybody else probably slept by now. "Oh... I mean I am sad... Leila was nice. But I mean, I didn't know her that well... and Lucas neither. The other children talk a lot, I didn't want to intrude..." He didn't feel like whatever he felt compared. "Oh... I mean it is pretty late and there is another show tomorrow, right? I should probably also sleep..." Arthur was diligent and he learned how to behave, but he was also prone to forget everything around him when he read. "Uhm, yes! James lifted me up so I could attach some strings to his trailer! And uhm... Barbara is nice too, but it was a lot." He actually tripped and fell when he ran to get something, but he was fine, just a scraped knee he didn't even complain to anyone about. Even his pants survived.

"I just wanted to help... I also did some stretches." He didn't forget about all of his tasks. "I know but still...", he said about Leila. The others liked to blame anyone, just so they had an explanation, which was also why he rather was on his own. "Oh no it's alright... you're tired." Just as Arthur wanted to open the door, it opened itself, or rather someone else did. Lucy rushed inside. "Jo, have you seen...! Arthur?! There you are!" She immediately hugged the confused child. "I was so worried about you! I didn't know where you went and when I asked Barbara she said you left a while ago." "I-I'm sorry.", Arthur let out. Oh-oh. Now he made Lucy worry by hiding in here, but she didn't seem all too mad. "No, it's okay, I just..." Was she about to cry? "E-Everything okay...?", Arthur asked her, but she just shook her had. "Everything's good. Sorry." She let go and looked at him, then Josiah. "Sorry, I... I was just worried, but all is good now!" There was a smile but it hardly seemed genuine. "I can go to the trailer on my own.", Arthur suggested.

Arthur talked, which was nice, and Jo figured if he dozed off now, that would be for the best - he could blame it on fatigue, and Arthur would, in turn, not blame it on him for passing out mid-conversation like that, hopefully, but in reality, there was no way he'd be able to do any of that right now. "Yeah ..." That late indeed. Sure, they could go to bed, but who was to deny Arthur an extra hour of sleep, or maybe even some time alone tomorrow morning if he wanted to be knocked out cold? Not even Josiah saw anything wrong with that. "No, it's okay. You have to do what's best for you.", he agreed with Arthur and wondered, in the same breath, what was best for him anyway. Would he be able to get himself situated in this new position of his without a hitch? After all, he wasn't supposed to be lenient with Arthur, but teach him, and yet, he was already plenty diligent on his own and didn't seem like he needed a lot of his guidance. "Mhm, if you'd like that, I don't see why not. But there's no use in forcing yourself to if you aren't tired." Jo himself would get back up if Arthur left and look for solace elsewhere, maybe even Conny's. "Hah, that sounds like you had fun. You'll get used to it, and it'll be lesser with time, I promise." Right now, they just foisted him around as they saw fit to keep him useful.

"Good job, I'm proud of you.", Jo assured him with a bit of a forced smile. "It's okay." It never would be, that was a gaping wound nobody could stuff and Josiah felt raw, like he'd been torn open and left with no means to suture himself shut. What of Louis? He knew how Conny felt, it was even worse than him, but Louis he'd exchanged but a few breaths with, if anything. "Don't mind me." That was all he had to say. As the door got flung open, he wanted to roll over - he expected the worst, especially so late at night when most of the people he'd talk to had all gone to bed or were about to, but he felt oddly at peace when he saw that it was just Lucy. "Sorry, that's on me. I told him he can come here if he wants some peace and quiet to read, and I was with Conny. Should have told you ...", he sighed and sat up. If he went to the trailer with them, he'd be badgered by the kids that were still awake and right now, he couldn't take that. Josiah rubbed his face, not feeling too peckish about what was happening around him anyway. "No no, you're fine, I'd be worried too if anyone disappeared from under my nose in this place." Lucy and him knew well enough what that meant, his expression somber. Jo got up from his bed eventually and walked over to Lucy, who looked like she could use a hug. "Mh, if that's alright with you.", he ruffled the little guys hair. "Sleep well, okay?" The moment Arthur was out the door anyway, Jo hugged Lucy instead, patted her back. How many of them was he going to comfort after this?

Arthur was a bit overwhelmed by Lucys sudden entrance, but he didn't blame her. Instead he noticed that she wasn't feeling too well and he felt bad for worrying her. Josiah didn't feel well either and once the two of them locked eyes, Arthur was pretty sure he was intruding here. "Yes, no problem.", Arthur smiled and got his head patted. Then he left. he didn't feel kicked out, it was true that it was late and that he needed to sleep, so he made his way over to the trailer in which most children already slept. He was silent and snuck to his spot to lay down and try and sleep as well. He was tired anyway, it had been a busy day so he didn't have much trouble with just falling asleep until the next morning.

Lucy felt a bit bad to send Arthur out there alone, but it wasn't a long way and he would be fine. She needed the hug she received and she wrapped her arms around Jo as well. Tears already started to flood, she held it in for the whole day, for the children and everyone else and she barely slept when she joined the kids the night before. "I couldn't have taken one more person vanishing like that.", she cried. She was relieved that Arthur was fine, but at the same time she missed Lucas and Leila. "What happened? You never came back and in the morning I couldn't find Lucas anywhere either? Did the ringmaster send him away on a day like that?!" She cried still. It wasn't Josiahs fault, but she was confused. He left with Louis and Lucas and then never came back. The whole night she'd been worried, but he couldn't leave the children alone to go look for answers.

Now that Arthur was gone, someone else was here and Josiah was left to wonder how many more of them would be crying in each others arms over Leilas death and maybe Lucas' disappearance. It was too much, there was no way of knowing, but they were all wallowing for their own reasons, be that as it may anyway. "He's fine, I'm sorry. I'll let you know next time he's here.", he assured Lucy and rubbed her back gently, as if she needed every piece of love that she could get in that very moment - Jo wouldn't blame her, frankly, he understood her in a way and he didn't want to seem like he wasn't shaken up either, but crying in front of her felt as if he lost his wits, too, so he held back instead. Tiredness was seeping into him, crashing into his very body like he'd absolutely lost the plot at some point, but that was just how these things were. "He's a good kid, he'll be fine." That was an understatement anyway. Arthur was a sunshine, and Josiah already knew that the ringmaster would have no grounds to pick him for anything like that anyway.

Josiahs head hurt, still, and yet he hugged Lucy tighter again, as if she'd disappear into thin air if he didn't, just like she'd never been there in the first place. There was nothing to win or gain at this point. "I ... fucked up.", he confessed, but that made it sound worse than it already was. "When I went with Louis, he needed something from the tent first, and then Roy told me he wanted my help ... and he wouldn't leave me be, either. So I said yes, and let Lucas go with Louis, alone." That was that and Jo was the only person anyone could blame for not trying more, for making an attempt to keep the boy safe, but he'd failed in his entirety as a person and he had nobody to actually thank for that aside from his own naivety. "I'm pretty sure Roy just knocked me out, my head hurts like shit and I woke up in the trailer this morning. I wanted to talk to Louis when I couldn't find Lucas, but then Conny used me to get away from James and the rest, and I spent the day comforting her." All of that was so much to take in, and too much to do. There was little he could fathom about at this point, but enough to say that he was arguably lost in the plot that he was part of. "I didn't feel like fighting with him again, so I didn't speak with him much when I saw Louis in the tent earlier, but I think Lucas is gone.", he confessed - and he didn't actually think Lucas had gone anywhere, for that matter. These things were getting a bit too murky.