bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

Whoever Richard had been before this, Yujin didn't know, but it had become apparent that he wasn't without flaw, much like the prince himself, and yet, he had experienced so much more hurt in this world than he had, even if Yujin would argue he'd truly been free before his incident that robbed him of that, of his memories and a working ... huh? No, it didn't matter, what mattered right now was Richard. "Didn't you complain about me doing nothing but somehow being lean? Well, I took that to heart and trained for you!", he giggled. No, he hadn't trained for Richard, he'd trained for himself to overcome the painful clump of emptiness that had formed in his stomach, but in a sense, he had done so for Richard, too, and while he wanted to show him, he'd seen it in the baths and Yujin, despite being much more standoffish, didn't force Richard to do look at it again, in different context. "I'm full, though. Maybe I'll get midnight munchies, who knows? I can stand cold rice glob, as long as it isn't frozen solid." At worst, he'd have to bite a chunk out of the bowl somehow, ruining his shitty baby teeth in the process. Richard had called them something like that before, hadn't he? "Who said anything about fat?", as if to demonstrate, he prodded Richards side again. "You ate heaps of food before and didn't gain anything, I doubt you'll gain much more if you keep eating so little yourself!"

Richard had become thin and frail, and he was only doing better now, but Yujin had made it his mission to adhere to him and give him a reminder of what truly mattered - and that was his own wellbeing, mental or physical, whatever the case, it was something he took pride in, something that told him that the waves of the ocean wouldn't claim them just now. "What about our trip?", he suddenly whispered. There was no dread rising in his throat and there was no pain at the back of his mind, but alas, Yujin could only remember so much in one night and he couldn't recall fine details, no matter how hard he tried. Even now, he wondered a tad bit too much and looked at the hand that Richard whisked from his own, that found its way onto his chest and pounding heart, anticipating something, anything, before his head followed. Yujin ran his hand over Richards head, through his blonde hair, before he petted him, as if to tell him he was doing a great job already. "Take it easy and slow. How does this feel? Would you be comfortable with just one layer less or is this where you want to go?" Would the pipe help? Yujin didn't know, but what he knew for sure was, that despite everything, he was here for Richard, softly stroking his head and putting his own hand on that which rested upon his chest. "You are doing better than before already. Patience is virtue.", he chastised Richard, still chuckling about it. "Look here."

"You're right...", Richard smiled and he wasn't sure why he said that. "I don't think I minded... in fact, I wanted to be the stronger one." Yujin was fine just the way he was. He didn't need to train for Richard, but if he wanted to, he also wouldn't stop him. Watching him made clear that he had lots to learn. The strength was there, but not the experience. Yujin forgot a lot, but his body remembered, so maybe it was only a matter of time until he got the hang of it. Richard didn't forget either, but his body wasn't complying, even if he wanted to try and win against Muhan or Yujin, he wouldn't be able to. At the very least he'd be out of breath after only a few minutes, just like crawling around the bed to close the curtains had somewhat exhausted him. "You could move the bowl closer to the fire then.", Richard suggested, but he doubted Yujin wanted to leave now, even if it was only for half a minute and a few meters away. "Hey...!", he then let out and softly pushed Yujins hand away. He was right though. Richard ate a lot, he always had, more than Dayan and he never gained much weight, not even as many muscles as Dayan. Nobody knew where that food ended up apparently.

"I mean... the only instance I saw you scared was on that trip.", Richard clarified. "I know you were the one that couldn't sleep. I couldn't either, but when I woke up you were wide awake too. You didn't like the dark, or the fact that there was nothing around us. I think I also was mean to you while we ate. I know I didn't mean it, it was meant to be a joke, but you got upset. I think all of that was a bit much for you." Richard didn't know how much Yujin remembered, so he just told him what happened from Richards point of view. "Still you didn't want to go back home. I asked you and you said no." They only found more questions on that trip and Richard left Silesse too soon, before he was able to find out more. This time he should, for Yujin. Richard couldn't take that medicine, could he? He'd forget what he'd learn as well and who was going to tell Yujin the truth then? Richard nuzzled his head against Yujins chest a bit more. He was suddenly tired and unsure of what to do next now that he sat here. After a while Richard took Yujins hand and placed it on his own chest. He let Yujins fingers slip between the fabric than hung from his body, past the money layers until he felt his touch on his skin. Then Richard froze for a second. Yujin touched him before and yet... "Do you think... smoking a bit would help me...?" He felt like he shouldn't self medicate and listen to Shuren. He knew he probably pushed himself too hard too, but he wanted closeness. He wanted a bit more, also for Yujins sake. What held him back weren't even lingering memories, he was just worried they might come up in the future.

"Did you? Because you wanted to prove something?", he chuckled, but he knew that any topic like that could turn sour, especially if it reminded Richard of what he used to have and no longer called his own, or of the many things that had been wrong in his life. Yujin softly shook his head, even when he couldn't see the expression that Richard currently made. "You don't need strength to capture my heart, you know? You've done it twice already, and if anything, I think you'd still be capable of doing so if I got to know you for a third time." Then again, he didn't want that, he wanted to remember, for himself, but first and foremost for Richard, who deserved someone that was able to keep their memories alive and wouldn't just involuntarily discard them. Without a second chance to reconsider his thoughts, he knew that it was all he wished for, aside from Richards hand in marriage most likely, but it was also all that he could do for either of them; all that they both were able to construct, something like a safety net of sorts. "I'm good, don't worry. No need to move now, not when were are comfortable, right?" Yujin was and he was sure that Richard was, too. Thus, there truly was no need - and Yujin would be lying if he couldn't just steal himself away to the kitchen and steal some candied fruit or other things. "Hey? That's all?", he laughed and let himself be pushed away. "That's my meat!", he declared.

Well, was it? Not necessarily, but if Richard was his, that also meant that he was able to hassle him for some touches. It was fun to see how it slightly annoyed him whenever he pinched his sides, but Yujin held close to the belief that he didn't have to overdo it, as well as the fact that Richard deserved some time away from his grubby hands when he needed them. "I don't remember too much, the fine details evade me.", he admitted, sounding apologetic - and he meant it. "I'm still not really fond of the dark, that's probably why I had a hard time sleeping without you after being so used to sleeping next to you. It gave me comfort, because I knew someone was there, and while it wasn't entirely enough to keep my mind occupied back then, it was still fun." He meant it, but right now, this was enough, and Richard was right, it had been much, all at once. "Sometimes, when I'm not feeling myself, you can make the best of jokes and it will hurt. It's fine, it's been ages - and yes, after all, we already defied my father, I didn't want to go back and let him win that one." But even then, they had to go home at some point, and eventually they did. First, however, they had been ... how did they get home again? Yujin didn't know, he couldn't recall anything more, but it didn't matter. He watched Richard, revelled in how close he came and how comforted he looked, relaxed for once. Before Yujin could lean back fully and let them both collapse onto each other, Richard grabbed his hand and guided it to someplace else, to his own chest, and let the wolf worm his way inside, until his warm hand pressed against partly soft and partly rough, scarred skin that he couldn't see. "Smoking relaxes, it might. You can try, if you want. Or I'll smoke and let the fumes do the rest, whatever you want.", he mumbled as he slowly moved his hand upwards, out of the fabric and up to Richards neck, something that was a constant in their lives too. Like this, Yujin could bend better, to swiftly grab the pipe from the nighstand and then get back into position, brushing over Richards cheek with his hand before it wandered back down, but stopped at the fabric. "Do you even still know how to smoke?"

"No no... it's alright.", Richard mumbled after Yujin shook his head to end the topic in case it wasn't something Richard wanted to talk about, but when he thought back and reflected upon who he was and what he'd done and why, it helped him make sense of another turbulent time in his life and it helped him understand himself back then. Maybe it would also help himself understand now, though at the very least he worked through issues he had had and that he most possibly still carried somewhere. "I needed to be strong. I wanted revenge and also, Nayantai wouldn't let me leave if I didn't prove myself... he wanted me to beat him, but in the end killing a Silessian bear was enough." he shouldn't have let Richard go! No... Richard sighed, it wasn't Nayantais fault. Richard would have left at some point and he would have never been ready for someone like Ares. "Well it wasn't for you... I think I would have been angry if you had been stronger... but it changed. I wanted to protect you. I still want that, but I can accept that it is the other way around now." Richard kept his position and also kept his eyes closed. His blond hair fell forward and at this point it was long enough to spill over Yujins lap like that. He didn't tie it together after the bath, in fact he never did, Yujin was the one fixing Richards hair most of the time.

Richard knew that Yujin wanted him to fight back every now and then, when he pinched him or tickled him. Richard didn't feel like moving much right now, he let it slide, to Yujins dismay and just shook his head without losing contact. There wouldn't be more than a complaint. "It's alright Yujin. You already remembered a lot.", he then spoke softly. Richard was happy about that, very. Him not taking his medicine truly helped him. Maybe if Yujin remembered, Richard was allowed to forget? No no... why did he even agree to trying it when Shuren was here? Why didn't he ask him about Yujin then? The prince removed his hand from Richards skin again and the blonde realized that he didn't want that. He looked up at him, unable to catch a glimpse as Yujin was already turning to get his pipe. "I didn't forget. Though I was never very good at it to begin with...", he answered. Maybe it was better if Yujin just filled the room with smoke. It smelled somewhat nice anyhow and the prince already smelled like it since he came back home.

"Is it?", he asked once again, just to make sure that yes, he wasn't saying this to please Yujin, no - he was trying his earnest to make efforts to improve himself and while he knew he would be in for a world of hurt any other way, it also became much more apparent that he was doing his best to fight against that, against the impulses that reminded him and plagued him with trauma attained by tapping back into things that happened a while ago, yet, stung all the same. "I got a pillow and a scarf out of that. Which both were great comfort, but all that aside, I get it. But things are different now and you deserve and are allowed to rest, there is no need to worry too much.", he called out, reminding Richard of the fact that he wasn't in for a world of hurt anymore, that he'd do his utmost to figure out what was the best for the two of them, and so much more than that. For now, he played with the pipe in his hands and carressed the spots of Richards skin that he could touch, drawling imaginary patterns into them, softly and slowly, as if to make him aware that the hand was there, but not out for any kind of harm. "I'll do my best to protect you, but truth be told, I enjoyed back everything back then as well. Though, sometimes you were rather prickly." Yujin smiled, he liked Richard, he always had and always would, and for better or for worse, he'd never not love him.

"I know. And you've already done a lot today, we both did our best." Today was, somehow, a day full of progress in a way, for both of them - and even if Richard didn't feel like it was, Yujin knew the opposite to be the truth. Whatever or not reality was bending to their will wasn't discernable, but the truth was, that no matter what, he'd figure something out for both of them, even if it meant to become someone he wasn't. "That reminds me, do you want to hear some more ... well, it's not gossip, but it's something you don't know.", he just remembered that Richard wasn't there for said vast event and that it was one of the few things that Yujin had forced himself to attend when he was still sad about Richards disappearance - it all came back to him, and for a moment, he felt bad, but then went back to running his fingers over Richards collarbones, all the while he slipped one arm out of his current layer. Only having one hand obstructed his ability to do certain things right now, but he just fumbled with parts of his sash, pulling out something to light the pipe ablaze with, before doing so and taking a drag from it. Now, this looked a bit like a mess, but he still felt nice, and his hand kept going at it, not slipping to deep into Richards fabric, but dancing over the skin he was offered. "I never taught you properly. Want to try? Actually, I know a trick, but I'm sure I used that on you already.", he admitted, grinning about it.

"It is. Really. It's nice to have someone to talk to about those things... and figure out who I was...", Richard answered softly. Still, today was hardly the right moment for this when Yujin was possibly still drunk and high, but maybe the fact that Yujin was himself, but even more over the top than usual was pulling Richard out of his shell. "Maybe I should have had someone make a teddybear out of the rest... maybe there even are rests in the hut. Most of it became just another fur for my bed though." Yujin could bring it with him and Yujin would let him chose what to do with it. There was not much Richard could give him, but that was one of the things he left behind. Richard smiled as he was touched again even though most of his body was covered. Only his hands were not and his head of course. Yujin had access to Richards collarbone too, but fabric obstructed his neck as always. Still Richard felt good and leaned into the little touches like a stray cat that experienced how it felt to be petted for the first time. "I know, I'm sorry."

Richards cheeks turned a bit more red even though he didn't know why. It wasn't like Yujin touched something intimate or something he never touched before since he was here, but the implications were different and Richard got goosebumps. "Sure.", he answered to the question if he wanted to hear some more stories. He didn't know what about, but he wanted to know everything that Yujin was willing to share. The sleeve that was cast from one arm didn't slip past him either, but he didn't comment it, instead he just came a tiny bit closer. He thought about removing the fabric around his neck, but he didn't feel like being touched there, so he didn't. His own clothes were disheveled from sleeping already and they were too big. Because they didn't quite fit, the top layer that belonged to Yujin anyway, already slipped off of one shoulder anyway and the rest wasn't held together by the sash as it should be. It made him look a bit like a child when he raised his hand to pull away some strands of blonde hair and his hand had to find a way out of the sleeve that seemed too long for his arm. Then he watched Yujin prepare the pipe with one hand. After he took a drag the smoke he let out again raised up in the air, but it was too dark to follow it for long. What Richard did know was that the curtains didn't let most of the smoke escape. "What trick?"

"I can only say the same. You made me remember so much and you gave me much more hope to remember anything at all than I ever thought I would have again.", he told Richard, oblivious to the fact that he wasn't going to remember everything just because Richard was there and close to him, keeping him company without needing to be asked to and putting up with his shenanigans, one way or the other. "A teddy? One to match your own, then? I can bring some fur from the hut if you'd like, it seems like I'll venture there eventually anyway." Both to reclaim some seeds of Richards dried up plants and to grab some fur, as well as his coat that was insinuated to still be there. Yujin wasn't sure if it was right to intrude upon Richards memories like that, without him no less, but he couldn't always stave everything off, just because he didn't feel like doing something without the blonde. "I liked your fur bed, it was really comfy, but ... I bet it's hard to clean." Though, in that case, one could just throw out the fur or cut some holes into ruined parts, that definitely wasn't the issues - even then, he imagined that heap of fur, the bed that Richard had slept in prior to this. "No need to be, it's all good! Hm ... do you like your current bed?", he asked, smiling and anticipating an answer. Sometimes, they didn't draw the curtains shut, but when they did, it all became much more secretive and personal.

All these touches felt like so much more than they actually were, they felt apparent intimate, and even when Yujin accidentally let himself wander too deep, snaking his fingers through the fabric and brush a scar that he wasn't sure if it had been there before, he almost always danced away from it, not lingering on the parts that hurt for too long, now that Richard invited him to touch all that he was in the first place. "Jia and his girlfriend got married.", he whispered, almost like it was some sort of secret that nobody could know. "Silesse was draped in gold and red for a week, I bet you'd have loved to see it." Deep red was the color of blood - of sanguine, everlasting love, and the gold gilded it all together, making it apparent that everything burned, hot like molten iron. Jia had worn a veil, embroidered with golden threads, one as beautiful as her clothing, and Jia himself had looked dashing in the new set of robes - it had been a cheerful occasion, but even then, Yujin didn't remember much. "There were colorful flower petals everywhere, strewn across the icy streets and rooftops.", he mused, as best as he could recall the event that didn't happen all too often and was usually celebrated as a something joyous in all of Silesse. However, it soon slipped his mind and he was chuckling at Richard, who made the utmost effort to look presentable, yet had been sleepy enough. Yujin took another drag, blowing it into Richards direction. "A kiss, that's the trick.", Yujin admitted, smiling. "You don't have to.", he answered himself, offering Richard the pipe.

"I'm glad you do... mh... But isn't it odd to you how much I've changed?", Richard asked carefully. Now that Yujin had some more memories to call his own, didn't he feel like he sat in front of a completely different person? This was why he hadn't been sure about all those confessions, the feelings belonged to a Richard that wasn't here anymore, he felt like an imposter. "Yes. A pair of teddies.", Richard nodded, that was corny, but right now that was who they were. He imagined both of them sitting there on the pillows, together, just like it should be and they would watch over Richard and Yujin when they slept. Richard acknowledged that he turned childish, but it didn't bother him. Instead he suddenly hugged Yujin for just a bit, before he let go again. "I just hung them near the fire after cleaning.", Richard explained, but in a castle full of ice that would be harder. If just hung up in Silesse everything that got wet froze. "I uhm... yeah. Though I liked to be able to burry myself into all the fur I had." Mostly because he got cold.

Yujin continued the touches and Richard let him, even when he wandered below the fabric a bit. He still felt good, even when one or two scars were touched, but he didn't even know all of them himself, nor did he necessarily know a scar was touched. Most of them sent a different off feeling to his brain, but some felt normal. When Yujin spilled the beans that wasn't exactly what Richard expected, but it sounded like the ceremony was grand. He didn't want that for himself that was sure, but if, and only if, he was going to marry Yujin and if he wanted that too, Richard would comply. Richard didn't know Jia or Hua very well. The latter he only met once and he couldn't remember talking to her a whole lot. He remembered that that was the evening he had a fistfight with Quan, at least he thought that was the same occasion. "Flower petals? Where did you even get them?", Richard asked trying to imagine Silesse being so colorful for a change. Would Silesse even want to celebrate a marriage between their prince and someone like Richard if it were the case? Either way, it seemed like Yujin enjoyed that ceremony. Once Yujin handed over the pipe Richard looked at it and questioning how he'd breath and kiss someone at the same time. He kind of didn't want to start coughing or make a fool out of himself, so he preferred that option anyway. "Okay.", he simply stated and left the pipe in Yujins hands.

"Why? Because you're so different from back then?", he asked, wondering why this topic crept up in the first place. Richards insecurities played a huge part in said endeavor, he was sure of it, but what was more, he also clung to the realization that he had no concept of time or of what was right and wrong; Yujin had just assumed everything in the first place, and when he forgot, he took everyones word for the truth without doubting himself. Now that all that had been buried deep in the well of memories bubbled back up, he seemed to understand much better, to recall things that he'd never even have thought about in the first place before. "You are you, no matter what changes about you. However, that doesn't mean that my feelings change. Richard, I love you. That won't ever change.", he made clear and smiled at the blonde with vigor, almost as if that would explain everything. "Us, then?", he questioned. "Something to symbolize us." Yujin had a silly idea and he'd ask for some red threat when he had the time to do it, but for now he shoved it at the back of his mind and took in the sight of Richard, who seemed like he was enjoying himself and easing up, who was so much more than broken bones and his trauma - none of that defined him. "I'll bring some fur for that, then! And blankets!" Lots of blankets, he liked that idea.

For whenever a snowstorm would occur, they could both bury themselves deep within their little fur and blanket and spend time with one another, much closer and with nothing else than hibernating the bad weather away; that would be nice, and if Yujin was honest, he felt like they both could use it, despite everything. "Someone ordered an entire shipment, and I think they dipped them into water and let them freeze over so they would keep looking nice until they needed them. I know you don't like big festivities like that, but I would have loved to show you. But ... you would have just looked at my amazement, like at the fireworks! You schemer!", Yujin called him out, but he did so with a profound laugh, one that meant that Richard was more than welcome to look at him whenever he felt the urge to - in fact, Yujin liked Richards eyes on him and now that he came closer, with Richard announcing that it was okay, not taking the pipe for himself, Yujin blushed. Even if he had expected something, it hadn't been that, and thus, he had to clear his throat for a second. "You caught me off guard.", he explained, but his confused expression soon turned back into a smile - the hug was nice, and he wished for Richard to sit on his lap, but that was a bit much for a second. "Alright, one kiss coming right up." With that, he brought the pipe back up to his lip, but instead of ridding himself of the smoke, he leaned forward and pressed his mouth against Richards, this time somewhat messier, trying to slightly pry his mouth open as he shared the fumes of his pipe with the blonde. As such, he lost himself in Richards eyes for a while and cupped his face with his free hand. "You really are beautiful.", he eventually managed to confess as he pulled away.

"Yeah...", Richard answered. He was very different from who he used to be, double that. Did he ever even have a personality to begin with if he could just change like that? With Dayan gone - and he still was even though he was alive - everything seemed to have changed and Richard didn't know who he was anymore. "I sure hope that's the case...", Richard smiled a strained smile and put one of his hands on Yujins knee. He knew Yujin meant it, he just hoped that it remained true. Richard didn't want to be with anyone else, he never even wanted to met anyone else ever again, he didn't need to. People were scary, what he was told when he was younger was true, hew knew that now, but he also knew that he could trust Yujin whom he came a bit closer too. "Yeah... I'd like that." Should they maybe then pick a dark fur for the second bear instead of the white fur Richard brought back home? "We can build a little nest... well, if it's not too warm for you. I know you're comfortable even without a fire burning."

"Did they even ever unfreeze?", Richard asked with a chuckle. He doubted the ice melted around here, unless they put them next to a fire, but that wouldn't be good for the petals either, would it? "You're right though. I like watching you be excited." It was cute and Richard was happy when Yujin was. He loved seeing him excited, which was why he wanted to show him Adrestia someday. Now he was blushing though and Richard smiled because of it. Yujin was the one proposing that. Yujin came closer, the following kiss was different, but fine. Richards throat burned a little, but he kept a cough down and once Yujin moved away Richard let the smoke back out of his lungs. He tried not to blow it in Yujins face and he tried to not cough at him either, but Yujin wouldn't back away. It was fine and the blonde questioned if it was smart to soften this guys brain up even more, by making him smoke. "Hmm... you are too.", Richard answered and took a slightly deeper breath than normal. He gave himself a push, told himself that there was less need to worry, even though he hadn't really inhaled much of that smoke yet. He wanted to go a bit further, but for now he only opened up the fabric around his neck and set it aside.

Everyone changed if given enough time. The truth was, Yujin knew that, despite everything, he had no time to change, he was a constant in a world full of change, someone that believed he couldn't change no matter how hard he tried. However, he came to many different realizations, time and time again, and as one realized, no Yujin was exactly the same when he forgot his old self, mainly to missing memories and realizations, but that was that - and for Richard, he was more than recognizable at this point. "Hope? You don't need it in this case. Take my word for it, it's a truth.", he assured him, and if he could, he'd have grabbed the hand that had made its way to his knee. Yujin, however, already cupped Richards face with one hand, softly caressing it by running a thumb over it and in the other, he held the pipe, that was supposed to bewitch both of them, for better or for worse. "Got it. I'll go and pick up some fur in the next few days then. After all, teddy Richard would get lonely otherwise.", Yujin declared, knowing that a stuffed animal coul hardly yearn for the company of his fellow brethren, yet, he was sure of it and wouldn't want that poor, stuffed creature to feel alienated. "A nest? Sounds romantic, I wouldn't mind ... and I can stand some warmth, if you can stand me in underwear and my coat?", he proposed.

Silesses castle wasn't as cold as a snowy night during a storm, and they also were protected by thick walls, not a thin sheet that was supposed to keep the winds of nature out. All in all, no matter what it was that happened, Yujin was fairly certain that no matter what, a nest - a love nest - would be a different experience from what had happened, but then again, the closed curtains and the fact that Richard came ever closer reminded him of that night specifically. "I don't think so, but they were light enough to flutter in the breeze. It was a beautiful sight, but let me tell you, the petals were everywhere. I found like seventeen of them in my clothes and even more in my hair." It was a sight to behold and Yujin had liked his reflection in the mirror, figured that deep red and pale pink suited him and that Richard should have seen it, and upon having exactly that thought, all the good mood had disappeared, been wiped from his face and Yujin couldn't recall what he did, yet, he most likely fell asleep after burying himself deep within the confines of his bed, crying about spoiled milk. "You do? Is that supposed to mean that my smile is captivating?", he giggled, looking at the rosy cheeks that the blonde now sported, something that hardly was visible in the initial darkness, but the flickering flames illuminated enough, even through the curtains, even when Yujin saw his own shadows dance over Richard. One more drag of his pipe was, what he took soon thereafter, this time not offering it up to Richard and letting him take his time, letting him breathe, and watching his movement. A piece of fabric was removed and Yujin wasn't sure if that was done to breathe better, or because it was the same as always. "May I?", he asked, moving his hand to Richards throat, not touching the scar just yet - but he asked for permission, all the while he hoped Richard hadn't become teary-eyed. "If you want another one, let me know.", he whispered.

"Well you can't predict the future, but I appreciate it. I don't think I will ever stop to love you, but... I know very well that life doesn't always work out as we planned.", Richard answered with a smile that wasn't as bright anymore. He also knew very well that people changed. They could change for various reasons. He himself has changed so much and Dayan? He thought he'd always be best friends with him, not only brothers. He always thought, even if Dayan went on adventured alone, that he'd come back to his little brother, that he'll always protect him and that they'd always be family... but now it was different. Dayan was different and Richard was too. Even though they probably both still loved each other, it was different, not as strong and Richard was rather here with Yujin while Dayan was rather in Myriad with Lucien. It wasn't just that they grew up and found someone they loved, they lost each other along the way. Richard was at fault somehow, he didn't even look for him, he just assumed he was dead and Lucien got to him first. If he was stronger, maybe he'd try to save his brother, but maybe he didn't love him enough for that anymore? It was a horrid thought. "Mhh yes. I think he'd like a friend, just like me." A teddy was hardly a real person and certainly didn't feel anything, but the thought of living the stuffed animal here alone while Yujin and Richard did something else felt wrong, now that it shared a name with Richard. Richard smiled again and shook his head at Yujins words. "I can stand that. Even without the coat I think. I don't mind you being naked either." That wasn't the issue or what he was worried about. If they just cuddled everything was fine, even if they both were naked. Richard only questioned if he was able to bare gestured that were loaded with much less innocence.

"When we are going to visit Adrestia..." If that was ever possible. "I will shower you in flowers. I'll make sure of that. There will be petals of all colors and I can show you how to make a flower crown if you'd like? I think I still remember how that works." it had been a while since he had done that. He had been a child when his father showed him. He grew too old for that, at least his younger self believed that, but not anymore. "If you'd marry... would you want a celebration like that?", Richard then asked. Not that he thought it was possible, he was too humble for that, but he wanted to know how Yujin pictured this day. He seemed like the kind of person that dreamed of that day since he was little. "It is... and I'm happy when you are happy. I think I could never get as excited as you about all kinds of things. Your eyes start to sparkle like those of a child. I like watching that." Yujin himself beamed much brighter than any firework could. When Yujins hand moved up Richard felt Yujins touch before it even happened. This scar had been exposed many times before and Yujin was fascinated with it. "Yes.", Richard simply answered and then looked at the pipe and Yujins lips. The tiny space formed by the curtains was already full of smoke, but Richard didn't feel much yet. "And I want another one."

"No, I can't, but I'll promise you to stay by your side, through good and bad times, for as long as I live. And beyond that.", Yujin answered, beaming with innocence and conviction at the same time. Not only was he aware that his metaphorical house of cards could crumble beneath the weight that he kept stacking atop of it, he also was aware of the fact that no matter what, both him and Richard could and would change, maybe for better, or for worse. It didn't matter, it never did, not at this point when they both had used enough time and brains to think about all of the bad things in their lives. Just for tonight, Yujin wanted to enjoy himself and he wanted Richard to enjoy it as well, he wanted Richard to enjoy him, his company, and so many more things that he couldn't even properly unravel. "You'd like a friend, too? Well, I fear teddy Richard has to wait a bit for his Yujin, but yours is right here.", he reminded the blonde, sticking his tongue out. There were no other friends in Richards close vicinity and it was sad to think about, but Yujin didn't want that - Richard was more than enough for him, and not once had he complained about the lack of a different person to talk to before. Would that change? "Well, I figured you'd like the coat to emulate the feeling of what it was like in the tent, but also, if I'm naked, it's only fair if it's you, too, no?" Encounters like these didn't always have to be sexual, no, and the more Yujin thought about it, the easier it was to understand that they had changed and their longing for different things had changed, too. He himself wasn't much different, still eating away at crumbs from days past, but Richard on the other hand preferred a slower lifestyle as it seemed, something that Yujin wasn't entire aclimated to at the beginning, but he was warming up to it, and he'd never not make said effort.

"I'd like that. Just me and you, and a whole meadow to ourselves. And yes, I'd like that! I can make one for you, and you can make one for me, and I want to see lots of different flowers, too ... hm, maybe I can press them in a book and bring some back home!", he blurted out, his childlike excitement that Richard spoken of had just been reignited, right in front of his very eyes. "I want to see it all. With you." And if Richard wasn't with him, it wasn't worth seeing in the first place, as such was his philosophy. One thing led to the other and now, Yujin puffed smoke out of his lips whenever he took a drag of the pipe and his unoccupied hand had found its way to the rough, messed up skin of Richards neck, something that he touched with utmost delicacy, as if he could tear the burnt, muddled skin with too much force. "If I'd marry? Hm, no. I'd like something small, something that symbolizes closeness and encompasses all that we want. I'd like flower petals, but I don't need many guests, if any at all.", he denied, and in truth, what did Yujin care? His own marriage wasn't as important as that of Xu's and wouldn't be as wildly celebrated. "Hm, what about you?" Something sweet would be nice, however, and for that, Yujin would at least have to figure out adrestian wedding customs, something he was entirely unfamiliar with. "You are the sweetest.", he giggled, happy about that, forlorn in brown eyes and running his hand over the scar that Richard had never wanted to show him at first. "So, if I'm happy you are happy, but if you are happy, I'm happy - sounds like a though situation.", he called out and as such, took another whiff of opium, before he leaned forward and used the hand that had previously been feeling up an old, well-known scar to lift Richards face by the chin, to give him the smoke that he asked for, and only when their lips had intertwined and Richard was willing to accept the air they were about to share, did Yujin eventually pull away. "You can have as many as you want, always. As long as they help."

Yujin sounded like both of them married at this very moment. They didn't and Richard wasn't ready for that, even if Yujin would take him right now, no questions asked. Richard smiled and put his head on Yujins shoulder for a bit. He hugged him again and didn't let go for some minutes. He was thankful for him even though he was hesitant to promise Yujin the same, only because he felt like he wasn't good enough for Yujin, not the other way around. Richard would have taken his hand right now if he had been a bit better, a bit more independent, but he wasn't and he knew that his mood could darken any second. He hated that. He needed to sort a lot of things out before he'd be able to ask Yujin to spend the rest of his life with him for real. Richard let go again and resumed his previous position, he didn't even know what to answer to Yujin, thus he appreciated the change of topic. "You are and I know even if you aren't here, you'll come back. I can't keep you here all the time after all and teddy Richard has to learn how to be alone for a bit too." Richard suggested certain alone times for a reason after all. Now Yujin got eager though. "Huh... I guess. But I'll get cold unlike you.", Richard smiled and it was true. He wasn't a full fledged Silessian wolf after all.

There was the sparkle in Yujins eyes, even though he only imagines the trip, not lived it. It was beautiful and captivating. Richard could picture them both in a meadow, with a blanket and some sandwiches and Yujin would explain every flower to Richard he looked up in a little book. He'd tell him their names and meanings and he'd tell Richard which ones he liked the most. "I'll show you as many flowers as I can.", Richard promised. There were lots and lots and Richard probably didn't even know all of them. He didn't mind the touch on his neck that followed. Some of it he didn't even feel and he wondered if Shuren could do something about the pain he sometimes felt. it wasn't an issue now that he only sat here or when Yujin touched it, so it was of no concern for now. "Oh? I thought you'd want to shout at the whole world that you're getting married. I was wrong apparently.", Richard admitted. A small ceremony? There was only one person that Richard wanted to be there if he was completely honest. "I'm fine with something small. I don't want anything actually... if I have you there it would be enough." Damn, he already talked like they'd marry, even though that hadn't been what he was going at when he asked the question. He didn't mean to plan their wedding which might not even happen, they weren't even engaged. Maybe the fumes were getting to his head after all. Before he could say any more about being happy when the other was happy and so forth, Richard was pulled in for another smoke induced kiss and he took the opium in. He managed it better than the first time around and once they parted again, he looked at Yujins smiling face, almost getting lost in it. "Mh... I'm not sure if I feel much. Maybe a bit less worry about stupid things...", he said and maybe he felt a bit tired too, but that wasn't unnatural for him. He did feel good enough to grab Yujin by his collar though and he pulled on it as he let himself fall back into the sheets. He wanted them both to lay down.

A grand ceremony wasn't something that Yujin desired, both for his own sake and Richards. As he listened to him and the blonde came closer yet again, Yujin would have appreciated an extra set of arms or at the very least something that would allow him to hug the blonde as well, but alas, there was nothing and as truth was told, he realized how eager he was to do something that he had no control over. A marriage between the two of them sounded anything but bad, yet, he came to the conclusion that it was somewhat early, that he wanted to know whom or what he had fallen for exactly, but even then, he was smitten by Richard already and didn't need any of that, no. Yujin liked him, the way he was and he, too, appreciated the feeling of being loved by him. "Indeed. I'll get teddy Richard a companion soon, but as for you, you have a companion already. And I'd say he likes hugs, more than anything." Their conversations had changed from serious to silly during the entire time that he'd come back, in a drug induced stupor from his stay at the den - and even now, he wanted to run his fingers over Richards body and explore the new, unknown scars that he carried, just to map out his body for himself and see if he recalled anything beyond that. "Alright, true. I guess you can keep your clothes, now that you've caught me redhanded." Had he? "I wish it was a bit warmer so you'd feel better."

Even now, he could recall many situations in which the blonde was most likely freezing and Yujin felt bad, even about something as distant as the first time they'd been together, when they both became victims of the tossing ocean waves, raging below them, and all of it because Yujin had urged Richard to push him, claiming he could take it and he'd feel better. "And I'll pick the most beautiful, just for you.", he confessed, all giddy and happy about what was happening. One more drag, then another. The opium stacked in his lungs and inebriated his already intoxicated mind, but it was fine, he had eaten something and it would help keep him at bay, alongside his thoughts - he wasn't slurring his words, yet, and he hopefully wouldn't. "I will shout at them afterward, telling them how much I love my husband and how amazing he is. But the marriage ceremony is just for the two of us." That it was. They didn't even need a priest, Yujin was sure he could officiated his own wedding if he remembered a few passages from a book that listed them, and he was obviously smitten by the idea that Richard was his for the rest of his life. "Oh? Me? Wouldn't your spouse be jealous?", he asked, coyly and not the least bit shy - he grinned about it, knowing that there would just be the two of them and no potential spouse anyway; unless Richard married teddy Richard, which seemed somewhat funnier than it should be. Yujin felt some tugging, waited for the incoming kiss, but instead he fell, almost atop the blonde, almost burning himself on the pipe, but it went well this time around. "Whoa, easy there.", Yujin remarked, before he gazed into Richards eyes. "That's a start. Nothing works instantly, but I know what helps." And with that, he leaned forward, pressing a real kiss to Richards lips - one without any drugs that were shared between their lips, if not for the lingering taste in Yujins mouth.

Now that Richard and Yujin were lying on the bed he put his arms around the prince who told him he liked hugs more than anything. Maybe the smoke was working and maybe it hit him harder than he thought after initially thinking that there was no effect at all. He wasn't used to it unlike Yujin, so naturally it took less to effect him. He felt better than he did the past few days, mostly at least. Well when Yujin came home he already felt better when he was completely honest, but the worries he had about being honest or doing what he wanted to, the fear of rejection or hurting Yujin, it felt less apparent. As he received a kiss he returned it, putting one hand to Yujins cheek and kept him close for a while longer. Richard wondered if he inhaled a bit more of that smoke, he could sleep for once. Though it didn't help before either. It didn't matter, he apparently still thought a bit too much about everything. "I'm glad I have you as my companion...", Richard smiled, brushing over Yujins cheek a bit more. "I'm feeling good enough now, if I'm completely honest...", Richard mumbled, then he softly shook his head. "I'm still... I don't know how I'll react to a lot of things and I'm not sure if I... am in a condition to decide about anything now, so I think I rather keep this as tame as I would have wanted it ten minutes ago. That also means that I'm okay with shedding some layers though... Sorry, I shouldn't talk so much..."

Richard felt that his brain was filled with fog, but even then, when Yujin was coming close before, he imagined their time in the tent before and he wished to be as close again. He wanted to give Yujin something he wanted too, even if it wasn't as much as he wished for. "Do you have a favorite color?", he asked next, wondering which flowers Yujin would like. Roses? Maybe, they came in many colors, but he seemed more like someone who liked orchids, or something more wild maybe? A simple daisy maybe. He probably loved all flowers, even common ones. Oh! Maybe he liked dandelions. He called Richard once once, but that wasn't the point. They were fluffy and maybe he'd like it when they shed their seeds and he could blow on them to send them flying. "If it's only for me, you don't have to do it that quietly or even secretly...", Richard mumbled. Yujin had friends and family too, why wouldn't they attend? Then Richard chuckled. "No silly. My father. I would want him there...", he answered, his hand still caressed Yujins cheek.

Whatever happened, happened and Yujin was convinced that even with smoke filling their heads, burning Richards lungs and eyes, they were sound enough to make judgements and aware enough to decide whatever they wanted on their own. The truth couldn't be further from that, and yet Yujin stuck to his own believes, much like he would any other way. It didn't matter how long it took to go back to what once was, there was no way back, and if he were honest, maybe he preferred this - maybe he liked Richard admitting to his own feelings and living with them, though, he didn't deserve all that happened that forced him into the same position in the first place. "So am I. And I wouldn't trade you for anyone else in this whole, wide world.", he proclaimed, almost as if he was confessing his undying love to a man that, while not knowing better than him, was hardly aware of what was happening to either of them, right at this very moment. Once more, Yujin leaned into the touch he received, of fingers once rough and worn, now merely soft and frail. "You do? Should I put the pipe away?", Yujin inquired, taking another drag himself and slightly turning his head eventually, to not exhale directly into Richards face. If Yujin was honest, he wished he could return the hug with both hands, but he didn't want to move too much either.

"You can talk as much as you want, and I won't do anything you don't want - I don't have any insidious thoughts. We are taking our time." There was no way to go back to the way things once were and there was no possibility of either of them becoming who they'd once been, but even then, that didn't mean that Yujin didn't like where this was going, that he didn't want to make Richard feel good - but even then, when he was okay with undressing somewhat and showing him whatever he wanted to see, he didn't have to think too much about it all; it wasn't too relevant and it would only hurt if he dug too deep. "I'll take good care of you.", he promised, before eventually bending a bit and forcing the pipe out of the bed, away from the curtains, and onto the nightstand. It would go out eventually, that much was for sure, and there was enough haze in his mind to keep both of them occupied. Yujins arms and hands found their way around Richard, enveloping him in a hug to have him close, all the while he rubbed his back for comfort. "Hm ... green? Violet? Yellow is good, too ... but I think I prefer blonde ... wait, that wasn't the question. What about you?", he giggled, pressing a kiss against Richards head as best as he could. He did like vibrant colors, but while yellow and partially green were rather warm, violet was cold - much like Silesse, much like him. "It's for us, though. I don't need a giant celebration, the only thing I want is for it to be with you. Forever and always." Maybe he'd invite someone, maybe he wouldn't, it didn't matter, he simply smiled and then grinned when Richard confessed to who it truly was. "I don't see why not ... Adrestians don't have engagement necklaces, do they?" They had something else, Yujin was fairly certain of that, but even more than that, he was certain of liking Richards hand on his face - and yet he raised his own, touching it at the wrist to bring it over to his mouth and playfully bite it. Then, he let go again, nuzzling back up to the hand in question - it wasn't like Richard was the only one affected by the smoke, was it?

Richard new that the smoke got to his head, especially since his head felt heavier than before, not only because he was tired. being tired before didn't help though, when they were in the den before he mostly got tired from the smoke too, but the alcohol seemed to keep him going, now he had nothing to counteract and he felt like he could fall asleep right on the spot. He didn't want to though, not when he could spend some more time with Yujin. "We might have enough smoke in our little cave already...", Richard mumbled and if someone were to come into the room there would be no denying of what happened here. Richard still wondered if he should be doing this, or if the combination of drugs and medicine was a bad one. Shuren would probably not approve either, or would he? All Silessians seemed so smoke to some capacity and he could imagine Yujins father exchanging that fan for a pipe very well. Smoking always game Richard a kind of warm and fuzzy feeling, maybe that was the trick to surviving in this harsh and cold weather.

"Mh-hmm... I know. Will you ever disapprove with anything I do or say...?", he wondered aloud. Maybe if Richard would stop eating, or actually were to take that medicine Yujin got to keep his memories in check. He shouldn't do that, should he? Maybe he didn't need to if just a bit of smoke helped him relax, could he function like that though? He couldn't smoke all day after all and thus far he didn't even do so himself. Yujin put the pipe away for now and right after Richard received a tight hug. "Don't tell me you said yellow just because I'm blonde...", Richard mumbled with a slight chuckle. "I like blue... even though there seems to much of it here sometimes, but still... your eyes will always be beautiful to me, I don't care that you don't like them..." Now he picked something that represented Yujin in a way too, but that wasn't the only reason. Richard looked good in blue, didn't he? It was Fhaergus color too, even though his home was Myriad... well it wasn't anymore anyway. "Do you have a banner or something like that?", he suddenly asked. Thus far he only knew of pattern on coats. Richard cuddled closer to Yujin, pressing his head against Yujins and closing his eyes. "No... Adrestians use rings. But I don't need that.", he explained. He already got the necklace and even though he didn't use it as one, it was beautiful. When Richards hand was taken only to be bit, he didn't pull back, but he did pinch Yujins cheek as some sort of retaliation, before he went back to caressing it again.

Often enough, there was a fine line between understanding and failing to do so - it didn't mean that one didn't have the capacity to do so, it just called for a change, for something that would remind oneself of the fact that, no matter what, it all would go down the drain eventually if they didn't pay attention. It wasn't much different in Silesse, but the disrepancy between truth and reality became something quite apparent for multiple reasons - not only did the world cycle back to ones own sins, Yujin also ... what was he even thinking about? Being with Richard and indulging him in the most ridiculous of ways wasn't a sin, it was a virtue, and for better or for worse, they both were bound to one another by their unrependant actions, something they both hardly understood at any point in their lives it seemed. "Cave, huh? I like that. It feels ... safe.", he giggled. In fact, Yujin loved the interpretation, and he was sure that a cave was much more sturdy than their bed ever would be, or their imagination could be. Whatever or not the truth would haunt them eventually, it didn't matter - they both knew that keeping each other close would fix some problems, and as such, Yujin was the one that clung to Richard like he was an ice floe in deep, treacherous waters, but other than that, he was simply trying his utmost to care for his wellbeing.

"I do have something in mind, but it's not for tonight. Tonight is supposed to be a good one." If Richard were to stop eating, or start hurting himself with something, or contemplating the end of his own life in front of Yujins very eyes, he wouldn't agree, and as if to get rid of those thoughts, as if to discard them from his own head, he kissed the palm of Richards hand once more, looking into his eyes, into two marbles he lost himself in soon thereafter. Daydreams were the best kind of thing, but with hazy, blurry vision and the realization that he could nod off, he should rather focus on what he had in his arms. "I like your hair, but I like yellow too ... two reasons. Especially since your smile is as radiant as the sun, which is also yellow. Sometimes.", Yujin remarked, grinning about it and thinking about all the pale shades of white and deep oranges he had seen reflected on that treacherous orb whenever he had looked toward the sky, but even then, Richard was his own personal sun, in a way. "And you said yellow because of my eyes? You're a dork, but ... I appreciate it. Nobody ever likes my eyes, and I'm glad you do." Nobody ever did, not even Yujin himself, and it made him smile and nuzzle up to Richard himself, pressing a kiss onto his forehead, a gift of sorts - right now, not a lot was off the table, and the things that were seemed to be half as bad. "We have a flag. It's green, though - it doesn't fit well." Was there a swan on it? Yujin couldn't remember, but he also knew who had picked the colors in the first place - his father, who usually wore those deep shades of dark green, sometimes lighter ones, if seldom. "Rings? That's news to me ... and no, I'll make you ten more necklaces if you want, though.", the wolf murmured, playfully yelping at the force on his cheek, before he leaned into the soft, soothing touch. They both were a match made in either heaven or hell, and they worked perfectly together - as such, Yujin felt inclined to keep Richard company, something he'd never deny him either way. "I never want to miss you again. I'm only now realizing how much I did, and how crazy that made me ..." Yujin leaned over to Richard, making their noses touch and their lips almost brush against one another. "I could get lost in your eyes and your voice all day long. I'm so glad to share this moment with you."

Richard clung to the warm bundle of naive flesh, to Yujin who'd never not love him, for better or for worse. Richard didn't deserve him, he never had. Not when he broke his nose, not when he used him as a means to forget and not now that he came back only to ask for comfort, because Yujin was the only one left not hating him. He war warm, hot even, whenever he was here the room lit up and the air under Richards blanket felt comfortably warm. Richard didn't dare to cuddle up like this before, but the smoke helped him to unwind. He was glad Yujin spent some time with his friends, but he was also glad that now he was here. Richard wanted to feel those soft, delicate and warm fingers on his skin again and yet he knew, that now it was different. He knew that he might not feel the same as before, not with a back that was more scar than skin. It would feel ugly to Yujin and Richard would hate the foreign feeling that wasn't the same. Their cave felt save, yes, the curtains around the bed were welcomed by Richard too, but no matter how hard he tried, it would never be the same as it was. Did it have to be? No, because at least now Richard knew that he loved Yujin, but he wasn't well, not enough to go back to how they left it.

"Mhm, let's forget about that.", Richard said with a slight smile. Even all the smoke didn't help him to forget everything completely and Shurens medicine looked more attractive by the minute. "Uh... I... I don't smile that often though. I'm not sure if I did when I first came here...", Richard answered slowly. Yujin was being silly again, but he also made Richard smile and laugh. He made him feel more than just doubt and regret. "Not only because of your eyes. Blue is the color of my second home, my grandfathers land which my father inherited and which would have been mine or my brothers some day. I think you'd like it there. It is by far the coldest part of Adrestia.", Richard explained to Yujin. "Green is such an odd color in a place like this... but maybe that is why it was picked. it doesn't come naturally" Everything was white and blue, maybe brown or black and sometimes red, but green? There were no flowers or meadows and even the trees had more of a blue-ish color and no leaves at all. "Matching rings... usually. You were them on your ringfinger. That is why they are called like that - right?", Richard asked with somewhat of a chuckle. He remembered Dayan showing him his... what an idiot. Richard looked up a bit at Yujin as if he could make him forget about his brother and that snake. "I'm sorry that I left and for how I left. I should have never done that. I got punished for it and my father was punished for it as well. It is not fair. I hope he'll answer my letter..."