bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

“They should. Your fall already was bad enough, but I don’t think you’ll have any lasting issues from it.” Or at least Yujin hoped Richard wouldn’t. While anything was possible, there was no need for him to play coy, no need for him to hide the truth, either - but it seemed like they were well along the road of recovery, even if it was a long one that Richard was so very used to, braving it one step at a time. Wasn’t it getting annoying? Always stuck on the same road, always walking down the very same path. “Maybe they can learn how to stir a pot or sew some garments, then.”, Yujin joked. Kittens weren’t capable of such feats, neither were cats and yet the mental image of the two of them stirring that pot together, trying to figure out how to sew was a funny one. “You do? And what if I say I like my bed soft and fluffy and overfilled?” He’d be lying. Yujin had a simple mattress in his, the solid frame of his bed still very much apparent beneath. There was nothing he could do about that, but he didn’t care - it was comfortable that way, even if he filled it with a Myriad of blankets and pillows, like an ocean of fluff to call his own. Perhaps he was on the soft side after all.

What surprised him was Richard mentioning his looks and Yujin, somewhat taken aback by the confession, couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess I’ll take some of my layers off more often, then.” At least until they got back to Adrestia, if that truly was where his lover wanted to be. Maybe being closer to his father and brother would help after all, even if Yujin couldn’t be terribly sure of it, it was likely still better than out here with just the two of them. “Meat won’t, either?”, he tried his hand at a dumb joke, not trying to hurt anyones feelings but most definitely pulling Richards leg quite a bit. Yujin just wanted him to feel at home, to relax and heal soon so they could go back to goofing around. The kitten that waltzed into the closet wasn’t an issue, not to him, he left the door ajar to make sure it could get out if it wanted to, even refrained from grabbing it and carrying it back to bed. They should see all of this place eventually. “I couldn’t find it, but I tried fishing it up a few times after it happened. I felt so bad, and I couldn’t even offer you a replacement. Do you have a similar one in Adrestia? I think you’re cute like this, but I liked your other clothes too.” Yujin walked back over to bed and held his hand out for Richard to take. “Do you miss it?”

"We'll see...", Richard sighed. He already had so many scars and old wounds he knew he'd feel for the rest of his life. He was lucky he still felt his legs. He was lucky he still felt anything, or maybe he was unlucky. Yujin was joking and Richard had troubles forcing a smile. He never used to even try the first time he met Yujin and now he was simply tired and beat. "I don't mind if you want to add to it.", Richard told him. More pillows and blankets certainly wouldn't bother him and it was Yujins bed too now. Richard simply wasn't ready to let go of it fully. His father made it. The only one he had left and he missed him so much. "Do you ever speak to your mother?", Richard asked. He didn't know his and he didn't know why he was thinking of her now. It was an arrangement, normal for Thrians, or that was what he was told at least. It didn't matter, she was a stranger and blood wasn't worth anything. Nayantai was his father and Dayan was his brother.

Richard looked at Yujin. "You should.", he kept it short. He wasn't in the mood for flirting right now. Maybe not anytime soon, after he just found back to himself a little. "I'll try and eat. We'll see. I can't eat only rice forever.", he told Yujin. He had to start somewhere and he needed to gather strength. It had been so long since he arrived here, it was time to stop being this weak. He wasn't going to let himself be defeated by a piece of rabbit. Yujin was still thinking about that coat? Richard mostly forgot about it. "It's one of many. Nothing special. If I wanted a new one, now, I could get one delivered here.", he replied looking at the fool in front of him. He took his hand. "What? Adrestia?", he asked. "I can never return to what I miss there..." Everything was just gone like smoke in the wind. Richard bit his lip, trying to fight back a sudden wave of grief and frustration. "I'm sick of being hurt and pushed around by men who think they own the world...", he whispered, his voice shaking as he lowered his head to hide his eyes behind his hair. "And I... I'm sick of everything always being about me. There is no room for you. You should have someone that listenes to your problems too..." Yujins pain, his family, his brother. Even when Richard tried to figure out what happened to Yujin, it was always for himself. Even now he was the one crying.

“As your doctor, or something close to that, I’m convinced you won’t have any lasting issues.”, Yujin more than approximated, trying to lighten both the mood between them and take a load of grief and worry off of Richards shoulders. That frown of his, the disappointment, it had never suited him, much like Yujins own clothes wouldn’t fit him now - they were vestments of a man embittered, shunned and hated for no reason at all, when he should be were venerated, beloved and exalted among his peers instead. Did he mine? No, of course not. “I’ll add so much, we’ll be touching the ceiling at some point. If you let me, that is.” When did Yujin ever mind? With stupidity came softness, like tall grass swaying in a late summer nights breeze, drained of both color and life by the exposure to a sickening summer sun, long deprived of any water to sustain itself. Come winter the earth, the blankets of snow, would reclaim that which once was and rewind the forward ticking clock, playing the same song and dance of birth, of life and then once death, all over again. Rinse, repeat - most of that had been his life. “My … mother?” Yet, a non-routine question could tear him apart just the same. “Sometimes. It’s weird, but I don’t have to tell you that, I doubt you think of your mother as your mother either. It’s a word that should mean something but doesn’t.” Not to him, but Richard made him think. Should it mean something? Should he talk to her more often, be happy she existed?

Richards answer sounded curt and Yujin left it be - it didn’t seem like he was attuned to have a conversation like that right now, not when he was likely in pain, which was to be expected. “That’d get bland and boring, I don’t think I could do it. How much do you want? Half a bowl?” He’d get one then and just share with Richard, let him eat his fill first and then eat the rest himself, that way they were saving themselves dishes or maybe it was more akin to wasting water by washing only one spoon and one bowl. Yujin’s head started hurting if he just thought about it, honestly. “It’s yours. The tatters, the wears, the imperfections and any attempt to fix it - it could’ve been your favorite for all I know. I’ll admit not all clothes are irreplaceable but if you have so little of what you’re used to, especially in a place so foreign, it feels depressing.”, he explained away, as if he owed it to Richard, who had long forgiven him. Yujin grew restless and more curious, especially when Richard took his hand - he scrutinized the man with his gaze, trying to pierce through the veil of fog that dulled his senses and shrouded him in secrecy. “Maybe someday.” Not today, tomorrow or the day afterward but someday, this side of life, not once the hourglass had splintered and spilled all sands of time onto the vast table beneath. “There’ll always be someone that thinks himself more important than you. We’re pawns on a board, but even the people that see us as pawns are nothing but knights themselves, and there’s people above them, too. It’s the unfortunate flow of all things, but existing outside of it, that sounds enticing, doesn’t it?”, Yujin chuckled softly as he squeezed Richards hand firmly, hearing his laments loud and clear. What a man he was. “You can’t have problems if you don’t remember them.” Even then, he could see Richard had his own regrets, lamented the ones Yujin couldn’t for him as well, to make sure his voice was heard somewhere, by someone, somewhen. “It’s alright. I’m quite hardy, I’ll endure even the harshest of winters … and besides, I have you. That’s more than I could ask for.” He leaned down and scooped Richard into a hug, careful not to hurt him, but not shirking the contact, running his hand along his lovers back. “Life’s not meant to be fair. We both know that.”

Yujin was always trying to be positive but that didn't make his words sound any more true. It didn't matter though. It didn't matter if he couldn't walk anymore or couldn't lift a sword, nothing mattered. He'd always been weak, like his father and maybe the world just put him in his place. Dayan always used to tell him otherwise too, told him he could do anything he wanted, but he was wrong. It was better for him to be king, someone strong, someone without any sickness. It was always meant to be. "Did you bring the pillow I made you? With the fur of the bear I killed?", Richard wondered. He knew Yujin still had it, but not if he took it with him. Yujin looked a bit perplexed upon Richard's question and he wondered if he said something wrong. "Mhm. I don't know my mother. But it doesn't matter, like you said." Richard just wanted to hold on to anything close to a family, but his mother never intended to keep him, she never wanted to be part of his life.

Richard didn't feel hungry but he nodded at Yujin. He knew he had to eat. "The coat was the first thing Nayantai could grab when we left. That's all." It wasn't important. Not really. It had been back then when Richard even refused to wear anything else, but those times were over. "Half my family is gone, they won't ever come back." Yujins optimism wasn't enough here. Richard didn't just miss the flowers and gardens, or the mountains and lakes, he missed hos family and how easy life had been. "There is nowhere to go though." Escaping reality was impossible and other people's reach didn't just end at their doorstep. Richard looked at Yujin. "But you do remember now.", he reminded him. Otherwise he wouldn't have started to talk about that coat. Richard shook his head. "But I don't deserve you.", he replied as Yujin already hugged him. Richard held on to him and burried his face in his shoulder. "When I slept with you I only did it because I thought maybe I could stop seeing my dead family. When I dragged you to the place where you've been attacked, I did it to distract myself. I left for my own selfish reasons and I came back just the same, waiting for you to pick me back up and when you were in pain and I told you about Xu and Quan I... I shouldn't have proposed to you. Or sleep with you. I never leave any room for you. For your pain, your leg, your memories, your feelings about Xu and Shuren... And I only ever helped you to figure things out because I wanted to distract myself... " Richard cried and sobbed in Yujins arms, again making it about himself. Richard hated himself for the longest time now, whether he projected it on everybody else or not and he felt like he was nothing more than an entitled prince. Yujin never asked for anything, he always put himself second and everyone, including Richard, took advantage of him. Quan was right.

What mattered to him? More importantly, why did Richard matter this much? Yujin wondered time and time again if it was worth the trouble he put himself through at times, if he was being too soft on the single man in his life that didn't pick some higher calling, be it their fathers, their lovers, their adversaries, over him, only to be reminded that Richard, too, was someone that let the desire for revenge cloud his judgement, his very being, once upon a time. Those times were long since over, had passed in the blink of an eye for him, considering most didn't involve him. "I'd be a fool if I didn't.", he remarked with a chuckle, unsure if it mattered that much to both of them. Was this, too, tangled in the sanguine thread of fate that interconnected them for the longest time now? Yujin thought the gods to be jesters, only believed in them when it suited his narrative despite claiming the opposite and even then, they seemed to be fickle, like flames from down below that kept licking and lapping at his ankles, trying to incite something in harm. "Do you want to ... meet mine?" What kind of offer was that? To walk up to a woman who ought to be a stranger and introduce her to a man that the son she barely could call one loved? If she cared for him, just a smidge, it would only break her already splintered heart. "I know Xu's mother better than my own. Spent years with her, father fancied her for her ability to speak this language, likely." Nothing else. His own mother, however? She was much like Richard in a way - the eyes of a doe, brown like an autumnal hue heralding the end of a golden summer, with freckles dotted across the bridge of her nose in fine splotches and hair blacker than the night itself - she didn't resemble him after all, not a smidge, aside from those eyes.

"I see. I just wanted to make sure. Now that I remember, I have my regrets. Not about us, though." Many of which he wanted to deal with, to stop feeling like an idiot and moreover, to iron out any sort of crinkles in that ridiculous life of his that was finally taking shape again, in some way. "I'm aware, but that doesn't mean you can't move forward. If they would want you to join them, they'd have claimed you by now." Richard was no lost toddler, no forgotten fragment of a bigger puzzle and yet, as inescapable as it all sounded, Yujin could but pat his back and tide him over, towards a more favorable outcome, with the sway of his words. "Maybe not right now, but there's plenty to see and do until then.", he stayed firm, trying to give optimism the benefit of the doubt, for the both of them, even if this version of him found it hard to stay as positive and carefree. Surely this, too, was a burden brought about by actually being shackled to reality and not living through it, one glimpse at a time. "And what of it? It's not like that changes my opinion on you." What a silly man he was, thinking of their relationship as a house of cards, caught as an interloper in the midst of a thousand currents, a wayward storm. Yujin pulled him closer, forced him to be in this hug now that he let lose of a barrage of what he understood as half-truths, at a futile attempt at making himself seem less admirable than he was and by the time Richards words ebbed, Yujin sighed and rubbed his back ever gently. "So?", he finally asked, sounding less than impressed, but unshaken. "Is that supposed to make me hate you, cast you aside, make me agree with how bad of a person you want yourself to be, or scorn you until death?" Worse yet, wish death upon Richard, maybe? "You know me well enough, maybe even better than I did, at some point. Some of these things may be true as you say them, but not all of them. What was it? Didn't you say you'd break me out, take me on a boat and sail away with me someday, show me the world or some part of it? When you came back, was that really what you thought of? And when you proposed to me, did you have any of those doubts? You left your room to run after Quan, to come here, kind of more involuntarily to right wrongs with my insane brother. Maybe all those things were to distract yourself, just as you say, but I think you're discrediting yourself, either to hurt yourself or because you're simply not feeling well. I'm no saint either, never have been. I can't fix you as much as I wished I could, but I can pour all my heart into making sure you're the man I still love, right now." Yujin squeezed Richard, giggled, even. "You'll be alright."

It was almost weird for Yujin to remember so much all of a sudden. Not that Richard was afraid of it, or wanted to keep him down like everybody else seemed to do, but he just didn't know him like that and there was a time where he relied on the fact that he'd forget him eventually. "Your mother? No.", Richard answered albeit listening to his explanation about Xu's. "Just a stupid thought I had... most of my family is gone after all, but nobody will fill that gap, much less a stranger that never wanted to be my mother and aside from that, I doubt that I could find her. Nayantai maybe knows her name, but that's probably about it." Richard was honest to himself and to Yujin, there was no point in finding a woman who's only connection to him was that she birthed him. Whether she did it because she gained something from it, or because she wanted to help his fathers didn't really matter. It was a Thrian, that was all he knew and frankly, he didn't need to know anything more.

"Maybe fait has a cruel way of keeping my family alive past their expiration date..." Rain lived longer than he should have and through much more than people thought he could. Nayantai survived horrors Richard now could understand, at least he thought that and he himself should have died on his journey back to Adrestia as well. All of them were always left behind, but in the end his fathers had a few happy years together, didn't they? Why did his sibings have to die though? It wasn't fair, they barely lived. When the truth spilled out of Richard, Yujin comforted him as always. "If I came back... which I didn't think would happen. If, I wanted to do that. But now I am back and I broke even that promise. I worked on that talisman for months too, but it was not the right moment. I'm sorry. Yujin... you're already doing way too much... always have. I can't even decide who I am and I have nothing to give you."

"Thinking about her or the life I've had if my fathers didn't want me after all involves all sort of mental gymnastics. It feels surreal knowing her sometimes, seeing her, realizing that I'm not what my father wanted of her at all, and yet, I do look like her.", Yujin explained his feelings away, alongside the awkward silence their conversation would be able to foster otherwise. Why was that? Was it his ability to remember things he shouldn't, all of a sudden, or were him and Richard just bad at keeping certain conversations alive past their expiration date to begin with? Either one of those options was likely the case. Yujin couldn't claim he was proud of himself for that. "Would you even want that? Someone that you don't know, yet share half your blood with? What if all that only leads to hurt? I'm the last person to discourage you, but we're the same in that regard." Wanted by one set of people, unwanted by a single person, in some way, at the very least. No matter how they tried to stack the cards against themselves, all they had was their imagination and a healthy dose of coping. Who knew, maybe their mothers both loved them unconditionally and would always accept them back under their wing - or perhaps they would rather their sons didn't exist at all. "Asking can't hurt." Never did.

"Fate? That's hardly ever something to trust. It's unpredictable, volatile and often cruel. Much like gods are, if you believe in those.", Yujin admitted, hardly knowing what it felt like to lose so many loved ones, all at once. Richard was different in that regard, almost cursed, just like he said - everyone around him seemed to die in an instant, almost as if their lives were worth less, more brittle, than his own could ever be. Richard himself, on the other hand, seemingly lived forever, through hardships someone like Yujin couldn't even fathom. Why would he? His life, up until now, had been mostly peachy - he wanted to keep it that way, after some adjustments, of course. Nothing stopped him from doing that, much like Richard wouldn't be able to at any point. "And? What are you expecting me to say?", he responded, his blunt on purpose, without any sort of emotional indicator attached to them. "Look, if I was interested in something like what I'd gain from marriage - a title, a piece of land, fame, fortune, whatever you want to call it - not caring if I loved the person or not, I'd marry Yin. I'm not marrying you because you were supposed to be king of another country, or for anything that title would hold. I'm not interested in something like that, after all, I don't have anything of my own to share, either.", Yujin laughed once more, leaned back and faced Richard, lost himself in those brown doe eyes he so admired and wished to call his own. Was he selfish for thinking that way? For wanting something after all? "I did this because I love you, memories or not. Fuck, I'll fish the stars out of the sky for you, or even the moon - whatever makes you happy. All of it will be yours, you just have to say the word. I got you into this mess, I'll patch it back up, too ... you opened my eyes, you know? Who knows what would have happened if I didn't remember after all. You're my guiding light, my savior, my everything."

"Because of your eyes? You have a lot from Shuren too.", Richard pointed out. He wasn't even sure if Yujin wanted to hear that, but it was obvious who's blood ran through his veins. Richard sighed and shook his head. "No I don't and as I said it was just a stupid thought I had for maybe a second." There was no point in finding a random woman who he didn't know and it wasn't like all his family was gone, he still had Nayantai and Dayan, even when they were far away. Despite them not sharing any blood with Richard, they were family, more so than the woman that gave birth to him. "I won't ask. Even if I wanted to know, which I don't, it would only hurt Nayantai." He'd make him feel, yet again, like he didn't want anything to do with him and maybe he'd think he wanted to replace him. Richard missed him and he wanted to talk to him, not to his mother.

Sometimes though Richard wondered what the point of living even was, especially if he was like he was now and when he only stumbled from one hardship to another. How long for his body to break down completely? Finally. He wondered why he even picked up that stone to defend himself against Xu. Yujin was an idiot and possibly the only reason Richard didn't do what Xu tried himself. "I'm not talking about land, or a title, or influence, Yujin. I can't even get out of this bed. I can't hunt, I can't help and I can't even let you touch me properly.", he replied, his gaze sharp. He was serious and he couldn't promise anything would change. If he was able to leave, he'd probably just go to that cliff and... He stopped his own thoughts, biting his lip. "I don't want any more than you already gave me.", he replied to Yujin. He knew he only meant it well, but Richard couldn't bare being this useless anymore and just causing him trouble. "Please stop." Richard couldn't handle that much praise, he didn't deserve it after all and Yujin went way too far.

"It was about the eyes to begin with.", he blurted out, like he was piecing together some fucked up puzzle only he could see. That sounded about right in hindsight, but Richards remark made him laugh under his breath all the same. "That's the first time I've heard I resemble him in a long time, you know." Not that Yujin terribly cared about something like that. Why? Denying he was his fathers seemed implausible and impossible, likewise, he had no interest in hiding who he was, now that he understood himself again as well. "Alright, alright. Sorry." No mother-searching, then? That was one less worry, one less thing he had to factor in and he understood why that would be a sensitive topic as well. His own parents seemingly didn't care and Yujin only remembered bits and pieces, felt more attached to Xu's if he had to pick to begin with and, in the end, even thinking about it didn't matter. "Why do you think that? I'm genuinely asking - I don't know your old man like you do. All I know about him is that he's considered a hero, kind of silent and that you miss him. Also, a bit scary, but that's probably his demeanor." Old dogs always learned new tricks if it suited them and it seemed like Richards old man was capable of such things at a whim. Yujin was scared of him, though - Shuren probably was as well.

Richard instead went on about the same old - the topics he was sore about, the worries he'd ingrained within himself and told himself that Yujin would mind, over and over again, without a moment of rest. Why, praytell, did he have such overactive imagination? Yujin shook his head. Incapable of touching him too much, though he squeezed his hand, gently, to not upset anything else within Richards delicate and quite tender body - his brother had done a number on him for sure. What a bastard. "It bothers you, I understand that. But it doesn't bother me - you don't have to feel bad about these things, or think you're hurting me, my ego, or depriving me of something. Look. I know how our relationship started, how it's been so far, but that was more than a year ago and we're both not even twenty. Things change. My feelings for you haven't, they've haunted me ever since you came here and something like that won't make me fall out of love with you. I'm not saying it's the easiest thing, but it's easier than anything you've been through.", he assured Richard once more, as if that was the only thing he could do. Wasn't it anyway? "You know me. Nothing I give you is wasted and there'll be a time when you want more. Are you saying this because you think you don't deserve this?", he inquired further, tilting his head to the side like a confused dog, trying to parse its owners foreign command. What was it Richard really wanted of him, if not the obvious? "Alright, alright. I will. Apologies." Yujin eyed Richard for a second longer, then sighed. "Hungry?"