eat your young (earinor & marquis)

Blair seemed worried and while Louis wanted to trust him, he wasn't sure if he could or should. Even at the other times of day he was vigilant around him. In the end it was easier to break him during the day, when he was tired and in need of a confidant. With the visitors flooding the grounds he only cared for himself, used Blair as a tool if he needed to. On the other hand Blair seemed like he needed someone to talk to too. He wasn't like them for long either and he had none of his former friends to talk to. They didn't even notice he died. "Morning.", Louis replied a bit late, he realized he sounded a bit harsh before. "This headache won't go away... I suppose I haven't helped the situation with doing the show." He couldn't sit it out however. His body could still break apart, while during the shows it seemed like whatever the others, inlcuding Blair, became just moved his body, alive or dead didn't matter in that case. He didn't die though. The fire didn't kill him for some reason.

"I'll have to be." Louis couldn't just sit out a show or stay cooped up in his trailer forever. The talk he had with Josiah still lingered in his mind, as well as the fact that he wasn't listening at all again. Louis sighed holding onto the frame of the door for some support. "It's okay.", Louis mumbled not commenting Blairs gesture. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do, be nice or keep him in here so Roy could do whatever he wanted without Louis noticing? Not that he could do much about it. Not him and he refused to let go even if only for a few seconds. He was the same person but even then it felt like Blair would have to choose a side. Another day in bed? "I should keep my eye on things around here...", he mumbled. He wanted to take the offer, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea. He looked to the side were Blair looked, but saw nothing. "After meeting with Josiah, I went inside and locked up. Didn't see him no... and Jo didn't listen at all." Louis sighed. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. What if he used Blairs offer and spent the time with Jo instead? Keep him save. The last time he tried that didn't end well though...

What a persistent issue that was, much like Roy. “Do you think it’s stress? Tension?”, Blair suggested in regards to the headache that, by now, should have subsided. Louis wasn’t granted a single day or respite, and whereas Blair extended his hand to offer him one, the inner workings of his mind were a mystery to him - they drowned his words out, or perhaps he still hadn’t made it clear enough that he was done and through with playing Roy’s to shoo around. “Not really, no. But it’s not like that’s something you can easily influence.” One half of him was about as free as a captive could be, shackled to a post in the middle of the circus, with a generous helping of metaphorical chain to let him traverse the place, but even then, he couldn’t leave - and the other half didn’t seem like it wanted to in the first place. A veil of mist shrouded all that Louis was and even Blair, who saw everything, always, seemed to lack full understanding of what more he needed to be privy to such undefined inner workings. “I think I still have some old medicine left in my trailer, if you’d like to try? It was the expensive kind, but it might knock the wind out of your sails for a bit … should get rid of the headache, still.” Maybe not permanently.

“Yes, but that’s not what I asked. How are you, right now?”, he drove home, like a pick into ice, a nail into a wall - sometimes he scared himself, maybe right now was one of those times. In stead of his heart, Blair claimed to home a hearth, one burning low, with glints and sparks, enough to make him exist, even if it fed on food scraps and warbled sticks, on leftovers and bygones, keeping the flame low, almost extinguished - right now that didn’t seem to be the case, not when he watched Louis and all the subtle movements he made, listened to all the words he spat in vain. “I’ll do better next time. You don’t have to put your own comfort second opposed to mine, or anyone elses.” Blair was no samaritan either, not unshackled any day of his new life that should’ve brought him much needed freedom. Instead, it had exchanged the shackle of his bed, formed by sickness, for one made of undying loyalty to the wrong master - a disgusting act, was it not? “I can be your eyes and ears for the day. You do need sleep, I don’t.”, he clarified for them both, giving Louis a somewhat weak nudge. Of all that Blair could tell, he felt like he was shackled to both the ridiculous job he was doing and something else. Someone else. “That’s good. Let’s hope it stays that way.” Royless and save. “Mh, that does sound like him, doesn’t it? Have you tried scaring him? Not that that ever worked, like when Roy hit him over the head with that plank. Does that worry you? His dismissiveness?”

"No. I'm always stressed.", Louis quickly answered, this wasn't it. "Maybe the injury was worse than I thought..." Blair fixed it but even he couldn't look inside of Louis head. If the ringmaster reigned over death around here, maybe Louis would have died once more, but now it all just culminated in a headache. It's only been two days however, there was no need to overthink things. He was tired and he wanted to sit down at least, but he kept standing in his doorway, up the two steps and looked down to Blair to talk to him. "Oh no, I'd rather not." Whatever was able to knock him out could probably do more harm than good. He wasn't sure what it would mean for him changing. During the show was more than enough time for his alter ego to roam free. Whyever that was then and not other times. Louis carefully touched the spot that hurt the most, but that didn't tell him any more.

"Having a headache. I' not sure if the ringmaster will be upset if I am slacking, so worried too. Worried for Jo as well." That were all things not new to Blair. What was Louis supposed to say? He hadn't felt good since the fire and Blair probably knew that feeling. "I didn't say you did a bad job, but you also only have two eyes. My comfort hardly matters." Drifting between two worlds how was he supposed to feel comfortable? He was always on edge, scared and frustrated. "I...", Louis sighed, "... I'll just need one or two more hours..." He was too tired to think about work right now. "I mean I made him so angry a month or so ago that he gave me a black eye. Even that doesn't make him leave. He doesn't listen to me and with Roy I could be more open than with anything else I tried to tell him, yet he ust said I am worrying too much and that Roy would never go to any extremes... He used to feel something was off and I told him he was crazy. Now it seems like he simply wants to believe this place is exactly what it shows to all our guests..."

“I’d be too, if I was in your shoes.”, Blair mumbled apologetically - he already hated being like this, but to be like Louis was both blessing and curse at once, and that he was certainly sure of. “Do you want me to take a look? Stitches could be too tight, or you might need a cleaning.” An infection didn’t sound prosperous either, Blair could only hope it wasn’t that. But why would it be anyhow? They’d taken care of it, proper and good, as best as they could, which had to stand for something, but most definitely not an infection. He looked up at Louis, who seemed to tower over him now, something he welcomed, only it was a temporary arrangement and would soon be naught if either of them moved in a specific direction. One back, one forth, like an endless dance. “I figured. If it’s not any better after the show tonight, or on our off day, the offer still stands. Just so you know.”, he redoubled his efforts, worry in a voice that wavered over less before. Was he a liar? Or just trying to secure a warm place to stay? No, that certainly wasn’t it.

Loneliness was its own beast to conquer, something that was impervious to any of his attempts of a hunt, but Louis was about to be either a stepping stone or an ally in what Blair had planned - and if it didn’t come to pass, then none of that was meant to be. “Excuse my choice of words but … Jo has been out of it for long enough now that the ringmaster should be mad at him, not you. I don’t mean that in a bad way.” It likely didn’t help with Louis nerves, or the way he was wracking his brain over fifty things at once. Alleviating those troubles, granting him silence, darkness, respite, rest and a shoulder to lean on wouldn’t fix him, but it would help, wouldn’t it? Blair was trying, like a starving street mutt being thrown a bone once, thinking there was more where that one had come from. “I didn’t take it that way, and there’s no offense taken. You don’t have to butter me up. I see what I see, no matter how sharp my eyes are, you’re right about that. Your comfort does matter, greatly.”, he spoke in turn, well aware of his shortcomings and feats alike. Still, did he have to lay himself bare so Louis could pick flesh from his bones like a vulture? At this point, it was almost unnerving. “Rest, as much as you need. Really. I mean it.” His own features often felt alien to him, like he’d lost any semblance of control over most of his body, namely his expressions, when he sold his soul. Blair still managed a small smile, not too forced or apparent, but one that reached his eyes, if only for a better effect. “That’s … peculiar. He’s normal outside of that? Or is anything else weird? I know the lot of you are grieving, but outside of that? Anything you’d consider … I don’t know, questionable or odd?”

With so much going on lately, Louis felt like he couldn't properly do his job anymore. The trouble with Roy, the fights with Josiah, the fact that he himself changed so drastically and suddenly, the ringmaster showing him his place, Leila dead, Jo hurt and now Louis stood here with an immense headache himself. They lost two acts and the one person overseeing all preperations. This once was all fun and games, before the fire and after it was an effort to keep Josiah safe, but not much more than that. He'd been lonely and scared, yes, but now? Nor so many things happened at once, they lacked two acts Louis couldn't be a stand in for and the ringmaster? It was probably only a matter of time until he expressed his disdain. "I might just not heal as fast as you guys...", Louis mumbled. Yes, right, he didn't belong anywhere. "I'll be fine...", Louis mumbled. He couldn't lose control, not again and certainly not any longer than before. He did during the shows, but to be honest, even then he would never do anything drastic that would sabotage it. In the middle of the night however? Louis couldn't be sure, he was worried and angry at Roy and he'd rather see him disappear than Jo being hurt.

Louis looked at Blair and furrowed his brows. "He can't perform with a bunch of cracked ribs. If it was another act I'd get him back on it, but he'd just break his bones." Louis told him to at least train and look after Arthur, but he wasn't sure if Jo was doing much of anything, as if this one break he didn't want to take himself suddenly felt so good, he just embraced it. No, that was probably unfair, he cared about Conny a whole lot from what he heard, who also didn't perform and who he neglected to push. She too would be in trouble soon if she didn't do anything. Louis knees finally gave in and he sat down on the top stair to his trailer, one hand holding his head. He wasn't someone who showed any weakness infront of others, besides Jo maybe, he knew how the others just waited for it, like animals and maybe Blair was one of them, but right now there was so much going on, Louis couldn't take it anymore. If not for Blair standing right in front of him, maybe he would have broken out in tears, but he held everything back for now, just being incredibly exhausted. He couldn't save anyone, Leila died, Conny would likely too and Jo didn't listen. Lucy listened even less, she hated him and Martha and James, they would never leave this place either. "Thanks Blair...", he simply mumbled. Only after a short while, with his vision being less dim, did he look up at Blair again. "I wouldn't say he's acting out of the ordinary, the more I try to tell him he's in danger, the less he wants to hear it..." Even if he knew something was off, he was too scared to face it. He even saw Louis break down and his probably dead body bursting once he stepped over the border that marked the ringmasters domain. Even if he didn't understand it, he saw Louis like that and afterwards comforted him for the whole rest of the day and yet it seemed like he forgot all about it. Louis didn't even expect a visit, but he somewhat at least wished for something.

Blair didn’t move for the time being, it was like he had taken root deep in the soil beneath him, anchored himself like an old, steadfast tree that no breeze, no wind, no storm or bolt of lightning, rain of fire, could hope to ever return back to whence it came, to ashes from above, drizzling onto a world once as blank as theirs. “You’ve seen him.”, he reminded Louis. “We don’t heal that absurdly fast either, no matter how powerful we think we are, or how much power we hold.” A predicament that was but a burden to share between those that had forsaken all normal means of life. Their flesh, rigid and gaunt, unbound from the sway of time and the decay brought about by the natural, had to fester within, somehow, somewhen - a body like theirs wouldn’t heal as that of their former selves did, or so Blair believed. What wishful thinking that was, that a broken bone would only need time and rest, not fuel in the form of something that wasn’t theirs to partake in, theirs to share with tarnished, worn spoons among lukewarm laughter and yesterdays promises of a better tomorrow. “Can you promise that, or is it just wishful thinking?”, Blair prodded Louis further, perhaps more than needed.

His words weren’t like silk and honey, his presence not one of comfort but knowing, of routine, of sameness for all the ones that dared to gaze within his soul, but to Louis, it surely was none of that. New, uncertain, wavering, that fit better. “No, I’m well aware. I’m just saying that … maybe it’d be smart to keep him close by, force him to do something else. Would keep him away from Roy, too. Or rather, Roy from him.” Interspersing that stuff into it would hopefully help Louis pick a priority, one he ought to chose at some point, not today, or tonight even - any point in time was fine, as long as it happened before it was too late. A sorry man was brought to his knees right in front of him, and Blair, who’d been rooted to the spot, was beckoned forward by himself, or rather something within himself. One. “Thank you, Louis.”, he mumbled, embarrassment chasing the last tinges of a sentence so silent and minuscule, it might as well have been a whisper on the wind. Finally, his legs moved, as his eyes rested on Louis’ own, so dim and dark, yet not as dead as Blairs own. “But that doesn’t sound like him, does it?” Once more he eclipsed Louis, but not for long. This time, he crouched in front of him, arms on his knees as he peered up at that which had once been an equal, now was supposed to be a lesser man, and yet was all the same. “If memory serves right, I agree that he’s annoying and defiant, sometimes underprepared and often an idiot, and yet, he’s never been one to not take your word seriously, or act on it. Maybe I’m off the mark, though, who knows how much he’s changed.” That pest was an eyesore to even the likes of him, yet his importance to Louis seemed to be greater than any shadow Blair would ever cast. Fair enough. “That’s bothering you too, isn’t it? I don’t want to make assumptions but you look more hurt in there …” Blair slowly reached out, pressing a single finger to Louis chest, right where his heart was supposed to be, deep enough for it to at least leave a short, dull, ache. “… than out here.” This time, he gently tapped Louis forehead with the same finger. “There’s no shame in that and needing a break. You can’t shoulder everything on your own or you’ll miss the forest for the fire one day.”

Louis looked up at Blair and nodded slightly. He saw Roy, yes, but he should have been dead and instead ran around, angry, but otherwise as if nothing had happened. He had trouble eating his soup Louis was convinced he didn't need to eat in the first place. "But he's running around as if nothing had happened... Mostly.", he refused, while he himself didn't havr a mortal wound - probably - and could barely keep himself on his feet. "I have to be.", Louis replied. Why ever did the ringmaster keep him around like that? Why did he hinge so much on Louis? What more lessons would he want to teach him? If he asked him to bring Conny by, he would, maybe even Lucy. How many people would die, who would he have to sacrifice just to keep Josiah save? Why wouldn't he just leave? Louis rubbed his temples as if it would help him find the answers he didn't find for years and years and the more he thought about it the more he wondered how much easier it would be to just lrt go of his former friend completely.

"I wish I could make him do things...", he mumbled but looked up. He felt like a slow thinker today, as if Blairs solution was obvious, but not to him. "What do you suggest? Make him help with preperations? Let him do part of my job?" It would net him a break at least but it was difficult to lrt go of the reins and Josiah wasn't the most reliable person lately. "Hm? What was that?", he didn't hear Blairs words, maybe he was just too tired to even pay attention. "I've spent years telling Jo that there are no demons dancing in front of our window and now that I try to tell him the opposite, he can't imagine anything like it... And I think he is afraid of anything new, no matter how bad things get..." Maybe if Louis was the one gone, he'd leave? No, he stopped caring lately it seemed and that was odd, Blair was right, but Louis couldn't make heads or tails of it. For a moment he wondered if it would help if he was the one doing something obviously heinous, images of blood and gorr flashing in front of him and then the ides to simply burn this place down. The thoughts were so real they scared him and he tried to shake them off as quickly as possible. "I think he tried to understand but not for long. It's my fault for breaking down bridges..." Jo was focused on other things lately and with Leila dying like she did, who could blame him? Louis looked at Blair who said nothing more but the truth. Was Louis so easy to read? Well he and Jo had a long history and Louis couldn't deny it. He felt alone, he too lost a friend, someone who still always was friendly to him even after the fire, who spent quiet solemn moments with him, even when he tried to keep everyone at a distance, but his pain went unnoticed or ignored by the one person he still secretly relied on and after they made up too. Jo always tried to find excuses for Louis behavior, but not anymore. Did he go too far? It hadn't even been his choice... "I don't have many options... Maybe you understand, but the ringmaster doesn't care. He showed me my place. What more can I do but stay exactly where he wants me to be?"

Naivety wouldn't get them far in this world. Often times they learned the hard way, tried to flee, only to have their wings clipped, their hopes shattered and their dreams trashed and if that didn't happen, the ringmaster was sure to show them their place some other way. Louis wouldn't die from fighting that crone, not yet, but he'd make more of an enemy out of him than he'd already been. What a nuisance, huh? "Roy's old. He's been obedient enough to get his head out of that noose at least once, if you catch my drift." If Louis didn't, maybe less flowery language would suffice, but Blair still had too little of an idea what he could talk about, where his voice would fail him and when it'd be that he'd have to learn the hard way as well. So far he had been good at shirking all the responsibilities that had clung to him like starving leeches. "And if you aren't? We are the wheels on a cart, the cog in a machine, the wax of a candle. If we're worn down, or broken, or worse, gone, who is it that'll replace us? We possess no undying soul and the fresher the meat, the more innocent the lamb, the better." For slaughter, that was - Louis surely was no exception, outside of his abnormal status of being partially himself and partially something, someone else to begin with. What a freak, bigger than the freakshow itself.

"Are we talking about puppeteering him or commanding him around and he actually does it?" Blair wasn't privy to Louis' and Josiah's relationship to that extend, but he knew his way around most of the trailers and tents and what words charmed who for which occassion, or who, praytell, was currently in dire straits. It was easy to keep tabs on those who didn't want anyone to keep up with them and it was even easier to make some forlorn soul sing of their last wishes once they were in a bit of a bind. "Hm, hasn't he been gunning for more responsibility for ages? Why not do that? Give him some, tell him it's important he does it right, pulls his weight. If he's still so afraid of leaving you behind by leaving the circus, threatening him gently with there being consequences might help?" A mere suggestion, as it was, wouldn't get Josiah off his ass, though - he knew as much anyway. "The wind.", he tried his hand at a joke that likely wouldn't land. "Huh, that's a big change. Maybe he lost his superstition with age, or you just kept him save enough that he no longer needs to believe in them. Why not let him see then? Part of it. It won't get him killed if he grows a bit more fearful of his surroundings." As much was his theory at least, one that could work out fine, or better than expected, or genuinely backfire and fuck them all over. That, too, would be less than ideal and yet, as the wheels in his head turned, he couldn't figure out a more fitting punishment for Josiahs lack of awareness than to confront him with shreds of a lived truth. "There's hardly any bridges that last a lifetime." Blairs idea of trying to butter someone up and cheer them on at the same time seemed a bit too straightforward - he couldn't find better words anyway. "Why not set im back on the path of trying to understand, then? The moment Roy hurts him is the moment it's too late anyway." Knowing Roy hurting Josiah was also very much just one of many possibilities. It potentially could get worse than that, too. Death wasn't a rare occurrence in this circus it seemed, not anymore. "You should have some wiggle room, at least a little. Think of it less than a place and more of a mold he's trying to force you in, one that doesn't fit you. If you stay still, you might as well start become one with it, but if you keep moving, you'll wear it away. That's my theory, at least."

Louis wasn't sure he understood what Blair was saying, much less was he sure they were supposed to talk to each other about these things, out in the open no less. It was silent, deadly so and cold, everything felt more and more oppressive not only because winter was on its way. "Why does the ringmaster mostly talk to me and not all of them who are here for so much longer, or you, who's also not around for as long as they are?", he asked, knowing very well that Blairs guess was as good as his own and it probably was because Louis was different for whatever reason. "Blair... ", he mumbled, then slowly looked up, "what happened when you... Well... Died?" Louis wanted to know more, he wanted to know if he saw what Louis saw. Did it even make sense that Blair grew up? Why wasn't he still a child when his body was dead? Or was it because all of their appearances were just illusions? Illusions he could see through now. Why was his own body scarred then? To explain him still being alive to those who knew him? Why did he look like he did? He grew up too, still changed, got taller and older. "Isn't the point of our... Or your existence to be able to keep tjis place running indefinitely? Why else would he keep us?", he asked Blair, but he understood what he meant. If Louis broke down, he'd find someone else to take his place and forever too.

"I try telling him what to do, I wish he'd listen.", he rephrased eventually. "You mean telling him if he doesn't he'd be forced to leave? It might actually work... But he's been... Weird, hasn't he? Hiding in his trailer at night and all. He's not usually this anti social, but... I mean I get it. Leila left us all scarred..." Louis shouldn't judge and maybe he shouldn't ask Blair questions like that. Louis sighed and looked at Blair." I'm putting so much on you, you can speak freely. ", he offered. Maybe he was too trusting anyhow, he probably was, but he also knew that he'd been threatening Blair in case he was playing games. He'd have to deal with both sides of the coin that was Louis. "He'll explain almost everything away. We know Leilas death wasn't an accident, he'd never see it as something else..." What was he supposed to do? Hurt Roy again in front of Josiah? Or... Blair? Maybe he'd let Louis, but no. He didn't want to ask him to and besides, the ringmaster would have all of their heads, especially Josiahs. It was probably better he didn't know too much. "I don't know how." Josiah was angry with him, over Leila and because Lucy was by his side constantly and she couldn't stand Louis at the moment. He looked at Blair once more, past his dark hair that hung into his face. "What about you then? Are you still wiggling? I'm thinking more and more that maybe it would be easier to conform... I'm tired of not belonging anywhere..."

Blair was a simple man, a shy one, but someone like Louis brought out the worst in him at times - he wasn't doing much to cause that, truly, but sometimes a little shove, a small push, was more than enough to make things go awry. "He doesn't need to convince them of anything, they already are his little marionettes, but you?", the blonde laid out, pointing at Louis, who simply couldn't sit idly by. Perhaps it would have been for the best if the ringmaster never interfered with any of their lives - Louis seemed eager to free himself from any shackles that were imposed upon him, by anyone, by any means and who would he be if he didn't offer his undying help to the man that had the same ideals as his rotten self? "Hm?", he stared back at the uncomfortable gaze for a second. "What do you mean?" What a confusing man. "I died and then suddenly I wasn't dead. There were no fiery pits of hell, no angelic trumpets - there was nothing. Or maybe I forgot. All I remember is a whisper, but I couldn't tell you if it was the ringmasters voice or my imagination." The angels wouldn't come to get him, not him, not Louis, no other demon, perhaps not even the humans in this circus - they were all doomed to keep repeating this play, this farce, keep performing, be the circus the ringmaster wanted them to be until he wanted another meal. Wasn't the extra help convenient? "Maybe he enjoys the dramatics, I couldn't say. Really, if I knew, I'd maybe have more leeway." It was uncomfortable to think about even now.

What would that lunatic do, now that he was in possession of their very lives? Hope for the best, search for a distraction or demand they do what he said, lest he'd lose himself in even more than the average madness and crush even his servants to bits? A cold shiver shot down Blairs spine as he considered it, but it didn't matter. "Stubborn as ever, aye?" Like this, he sounded almost like Roy - another thing Blair hated about himself. "That's what I've been saying, yes. Lucy and him get along quite well, not that I'd usually get on anyones case for that, but it seems a bit too convenient. And I've seen Lucy at Alice's place, too. Those two never talk." Something was in the air and it stank, to the high heavens no less. "Leila is a good as any chesspiece he had, some sort of scare for the ages." Blair was close to her, once upon a time, a sentiment that had long since faded. "I-I ... no, it's quite fine. I don't sleep. What else would I do with all the time I have now?" Everyone was a wheel in this circus, some of them needed rest, needed to replenish their energy overnight and others, why, they were more than that - needed less, but were easier to handle. Nothing could satisfy them, sure, but to the ringmaster they meant free labor and absolute obedience, something that didn't dare question him, not like those petulant, half-baked humans he raised like lifestock, eventually ripe for eating. "It didn't look like much else, unfortunately. Even if we know better." Accidents happened in that line of work, demonic ringmaster or not. "A simple scare, maybe? Or ... hm, I mean, it's harsh, but what about his snake? If he can't be assed to take care of her, do we really need her? Same goes with his part of the play. Just give him a push, or let me give him a push, if you don't want him to be mad at you. I don't mind playing the bad guy." Nothing was gained if nobody lost something first. "Painless lessons don't exist. You don't grow by being coddled, sheltered and so on." Louis protected Josiah plenty of times, then and now, too. "I don't need to wiggle, I was forced into that mold the moment I accepted fate and denied death. You're special and giving up, even as tired as you are, won't get anyone anywhere. If you just give up nothing will change, ever." That much was true. Blair grabbed Louis hand, almost as if he were feeling particulary adventurous and held it in his own. Cold was his own, Louis' however was rather warm. "You should lay back down or you're going to end up the same icy block as me."

Louis looked at Blair confused, none of this made any sense. "But aside from making me bring the children to him, why ask me to manage the show, to gather everyone if we move and to make small changes he wants? Anyone could do that..." Louis once thought that maybe if he was doing good, the ringmaster would let his friends live and maybe that had been true if not for him thinking he'd be able to say no to something. He mistook the signs too, the warnings that were sent, he ignored them and now Leila death was his fault. Why didn't he save her like Blair and Louis? She had an important act, was more than just a child, Louis would have learned his lesson either way. Blair talked of his own death that seemed so very different to what Louis experienced. A noise of surprise wanted to escape his throat but apparently that was a line he couldn't cross with Blair. What he saw was frightening and shook him for weeks when he was kept away from everyone and his body slowly and painfully healed, like he'd imagine a normal body would, despite him being different now. There were just too many questions neither of them had any answers for.

"Alice?", Louis asked suddenly all ears. Another person he made angry probably, when he pushed her off of himself when she got too close, only for then crawling back to her for answers she was not willing to give. Did she too conspire to do something? She probably didn't work with Roy though. She wouldn't give him any more answers now, maybe Lucy would if he pressed her. Blair seemed like the only one dtill willing to hear Louis out, which also was oddly convinient, but Louis wanted to believe he had a friend. "Mh I'm sure there are many things more fun." Maybe Blair just wanted to get out of here and Louis seemed like the key to do so. Something was different with him, but that didn't mean in however many years all of them lived that never happened before. As for Josiah..." No... I'll try to talk to him again first." Blair only wanted to help but his methods seemed drastic. Maybe Louis was too nice to him? The sudden touch surprised Louis and he looked at Blair who sounded like Louis getting free would be the key to his own salvation. His expression softened, he was much too tired to do anything today. "Yeah... One more day of rest is hopefully enough...", he mumbled with a nod and got his hand out of Blairs to stand back up. Blood shot to his head and he felt dizzy for a moment, holding onto the trailer wall. "Thanks Blair. If there's any trouble let me know." It was hard enough to not take on his work as usual. For now though he knew there was no way he could. Lying back down was the best he could do for now. Surely tomorrow he'd feel better and it wasn't like he'd ever miss a show either.

“But everyone else is already obedient or not someone he has need of, no?”, Blair spelled it out with a thin smile. It wouldn’t help if the two of them went in circles, nor would it make any sense to drive either of them down a street of paranoia. As much as he enjoyed spending time with Louis, Blair couldn’t help but wonder if he really was the one that should stick close to him and tell him those things, whereas the person he genuinely seemed to want to have a bond with was shoved and forth by differing parties and emotions. Couldn’t Josiah tell this fool to stay in bed? What wishful thinking that must have been. “Yes, little miss always where you don’t want her to be. Her just being about spells trouble.” Not once had a single one of her voluntary appearances been a good sign - instead, they functioned more as an omen to Blair. “I won’t stop you, but I’d like to help if he doesn’t budge.” Break Josiah’s bones, maybe? Perhaps that, too, could work, even if Blair would like to have left all the violence for last. “No worries, I don’t mind … and I will, thank you. Rest up.”

Blair left Louis be for the rest of the day and he seemed to finally get some rest for once; this circus was cursed, not just with restless souls and hungry demons, but idiots that wouldn’t listen as well. What other choices did any of them have, if not to conform to the way society around them was? No one could blame anyone for their behavior, not necessarily, but they could pick fights over trivial matters, like who grieved too much, for too long or why their breakfast didn’t taste the same as usual and whoever was responsible for that - Blair normally didn’t care, but he found it odd enough when, a few days after his talk with Louis, Josiah seemed to be out and about again. Sure, the pep in his step was lacking, but he seemed to be the same as always. Obsessed with making things right, happily distracting the kids and avoiding both Blair and Louis like the plague - so not entirely the same. Louis surely could use the opportunity to talk to him, no? After all, Blair had agreed to stay away until needed and right now, he was sweeping the entryway of the circus tent for fun.

Louis rested he needed it, but he was too worried to actually sleep for long. He tried to distract himself with painting and he wondered if he could put the true ringmasters form on paper, but to no avail. He scribbled some other things, costumes and masks that would never be used, they were too bleak and scary. He wondered if Josiah would visit, but he didn't. Hr thought when he showed him ehat happened when he crossed the circus invisible border, they made up a bit anf he started to understand, but instead he avoided him not only at night. Louis was tired and not only did his head still ache, his scars did as well, more than usual. After the shows when he felt like himself again they burnt, hurting to a point where he needed to sit down somewhere and breath. Blair was the only one who noticed but didn't say much. They both knew parts of the cause and that there was nothing to be done. Louis also tried to get back to all his responsibilities but Blair still helped and so did James whenever he could.

The days felt weird and Louis wasn't up to the task of training the children. They were too scared of him too maybe also because of Lucy. Louis even went to Alice in an attempt to figure out what was going on, but she only mocked him. Where she was overly handsy before, now she barely even looked at Louis. Louis ate his breakfast last, as he did usually lately to avoid most others. Everyone was already busy as he sat there forcing down some food. He never felt great not since the fire but lately it was so much worse. He was tired, he was hurting and he felt isolated with only Blair who even cared to ask how he was doing. Once he finished his food he cleaned up after himself and then decided to try and talk to Josiah again. He found him with Lucy, unsurprisingly and when he approached caught an angry gaze. He ignored it and looked at Josiah instead. "You have a moment?", he wondered and he didn't feel like including Lucy in their talk.

Josiah was glued to Lucy, much like Lucy was glued to him. There was no shame in doting on her, even when he felt as if he was neglecting other duties - it was part of making the world feel less miserable, part of establishing codependency in a place where nothing like that mattered. When he finally went back to at least warming up, training a bit and wrangling the children, he felt stiff and ancient, like he hadn’t been used to anything but lazying about in weeks, which might hit the nail on the head. Worse yet, Josiah was fairly certain he ought to accept the truth for what it was - he hadn’t been a help to anyone but him and Lucy, something no one needed to spell out for him, not when he checked on Conny for the first time in way too long and also not when he made sure that the most basic of tasks was taken care of. All in all it was a miserable feeling, an admittance of defeat so to speak and worse, a reliance on others to pull his neck out of whatever noose he found it in. As if all of that weren’t miserable enough, his overt reliance on Lucy was the worst part - she needed him, he needed her, that was pretty much all there was to it.

After breakfast they’d made time for themselves to talk about trivial things, something he enjoyed, deluding them both into thinking there was anything mundane in this very world of theirs, but it seemed as if todays peace wasn’t one that was supposed to be long-lasting in the first place. Louis showed his face and, as if Lucy had long since had enough of his mug, her otherwise cheery expression seemingly turned sour as she beheld him, her former friend - maybe even their former friend - like an utter and complete stranger. Jo couldn’t blame her, much less could anyone, the kids thought the same about Louis after all, that he was scary, not someone they were able to trust, but who would at this point? Even he himself had more doubts than anything, which, in turn, sounded like nothing good would ever come of it in the first place. When had it, ever? Jo glanced at Lucy, then at Louis and then sighed. “Sure.” How bad could it be? Almost cheery he pulled away from her. “I’ll be back in no time, alright?”, he chuckled at her and then glanced at Louis. “Where to?” Like that wasn’t the hardest thing.

Lucy and Josiah were glued together and a lot more loving than Louis ever saw anyone in this circus. It was good for them, there was no reason to stop them, but at the same time the timing felt off. Their friend died not too long ago and suddenly they only had eyes for each other. Was Louis jealous? No that wasn't it, he was sure, there was no reason to be. Whether the two of them were close or not, Louis would still be alone and wasn't getting rid of Josiah his goal all along? Now he got what he wanted, Jodiah wasn't as attached anymore and maybe ut was easier to convince him to leave together with Lucy and whomever they wanted to take. But not now. For now he just motioned to the side to a more quiet place that was also out of sight. It wasn't a secret meeting whatsoever, but Louis felt better not having daggers stared into him by Lucy or anyone else.

Josiah followed him a bit to the side and Louis who lately felt more tired than usual, leaned against one of the trailers to better hold his weight. His arms were crossed he felt kind of cold and the pale face he sported probably felt normal by now. "Are you still hurt?", he asked him first, he probably should take more time before he did his act again and that was another reason Louis wanted to talk to him. Just sitting idly by didn't fly here. "I was just wondering if you have more time on your hands, if you'd take over the kids training." They were scared of Louis, which helped at times, but it was too much now and maybe Lucy whispered into their ears too which he didn't blame her for. "I just... Can't right now. So I'd appreciate some help." Multiple reasons really, he always functioned just enough with everything he has wanted to do himself so it was done right and to the ringmasters wishes, but he lacked the energy. Blair helped where he could too but Josiah needed something to do anyway.

Ditching the circus always had felt like a distant thought but nowadays it seemed closer within his immediate vicinity than ever. That wasn’t something he should blame himself for, Josiah recognized that not too long ago, but it was quite obvious those feels didn’t just sprout out of him for no real reason at all. Then again, who’d care for the kids and try to reason with Louis? Some other fool within their ranks would surely be enough of an idiot to give it a try, until they found themselves burnt to a crisp, nothing more than the wasted wax of a candle. Him and Lucy, on the other hand, they could leave and make things right before they got worse, live a mundane life in a city that didn’t know them, or better yet, a town that didn’t recognize their names either. A few weeks ago all of this had seemed awfully outlandish to him, but now it didn’t seem like some sort of distant dream anymore and rather a piece of reality he could casually toy with, if he had the gall to ever pull through - something he had lacked before and, if anything, lacked now as well.

Louis seemed bothered by the conversation, or perhaps more unsure, Jo couldn’t quite say. What he could make out was the fact that no matter what, he didn’t seem to be doing all too hot himself, nothing Jo necessarily could blame him for at a time like this. “Hm? No, I’m mostly fine. It’s itching here and there, but I picked my training back up.” No use waiting on everything to heal up before he went back to work, he’d just become even more stiff and eventually none of this would feel like second nature anymore, a state he desperately longed to avoid. “Are you alright?” Lou’s request seemed outlandish enough for Josiah to immediately be worried for him. “No one’s putting you up to this?”, he further questioned, as if he wasn't entirely sure this all happened out of Louis' free will, but what ever happened out of his free will anyhow? Memories stacked themselves atop one another and even if Jo began to sift through them right now, he was convinced he'd find not a sliver of truth, as if the person that had once been his best friend had been eradicated from his mind not too long ago, or perhaps he'd simply stopped with deluding them both. "I mean, if that's what you want me to, I don't mind. It's not like they take well to you at the moment, just makes your work harder.", Josiah admitted defeat with a sigh, letting his shoulders slump as he beheld his former? best friend with worry in those already tired eyes of his own. Giving Lou a hard time was truly the last thing he needed to do. "That's what I'm here for, no? Giving you a helping hand." Not once did he need to point out to Louis that he looked like shit, though, and Josiah himself, who'd behaved very distant up until now could only fake that part for the fragment of a minute, it seemed. "You're going to be fine, right? No dying?"

Josiah told Louis that he was fine again and supposedly there had been enough time for his bones to heal, which was the most important part when it came to his performance. He needed to know his own limits and Louis was willing to trust him on this. "Ah, that's good. Just tell me when I can put you back on the show." He wasn't all too lazy after all it seemed. Maybe Blair was wrong, maybe he didn't see all that was going on after all and Josiah was just fine. Louis looked up, knowing exactly where that question came from. He knew he looked terrible and he felt terrible too. "I'm... Yeah, I'm alright.", he answered as if he had to confirm first. He wasn't, but it didn't matter either way and Jo only seemed interested now that Louis stood before him. He didn't speak a single word to him since Louis tried to warn him about Roy, who was also not doing anything. Another thing Blair was wrong about? Roy just leaving things unsettled seemed unlikely though.

"No, no one is putting me up to this. I just need some help and also the children don't want anything to do with me anyway. Besides, I didn't want you to get bored. " Fair enough. While some respect certainly helped, especially when trying to make the kids stay, fear didn't quite have the same effect. They didn't trust him to catch them or not drop them, which made things difficult. "It would be nice if you could include Arthur in your act soon." By now he was a little less afraid of heights but Conny too didn't get back to work, and he couldn't be up there alone, which meant the temporary stand in didn't work out at all either. Louis nodded, Josiah hit the nail on the head. He was about to tell Josiah that he needed to be strict with them, but he knew he wouldn't change anyway so he decided to let Jo do what he thought was best. Maybe Blair was right and a little scare, if it didn't work out and the children needed to 'leave' would help, but was it right to test that on innocent kids? No and yet Louis couldn't do that job himself right now. "Thanks Jo.", he simply answered. His worry was somewhat unfounded though, Louis wss pretty sure that hr could die as much as Roy could, even though getting hurt seemed to have a bigger impact on him. "I will definitely not die anytime soon.", he answered him in all honesty. "I've just been tired. The fall was bad enough to still give me a headache, but it's getting better." He didn't mention anything else for now. He didn't like mentioning the fire or his scars after all, especially not in front of Jo. For a moment he wondered if he should ask about Roy or Alice, but again he didn't. Josiah woulf plsy anything down, there was no point. Louis had some more free time now, so maybe he could just snoop around himself. He still didn't want to just end the conversation. "Did you want a new costume for your comeback? I could design something..." He'd been drawing a lot and instead of sketches that just ended up as fire starters, maybe he could use some of it.

What an odd man his best friend had become. Not only was he someone that Josiah didn't seem to be able to reach anymore, would he want to that was, but he also couldn't quite tell if Louis was, at all, someone that trusted him, too. Was he that unreliable that he was only useful for the mundane stuff that Lou suddenly found himself incapable of taking care of? Might have been nice to be the ringmasters favorite, that's what he'd thought plenty of times in the past, but if he would be run equally as ragged as Louis looked, Jo could confidently say he didn't need want it anymore, or never wanted it to begin with. "Three days? That's long enough, I guess.", he suggested after all. His back wouldn't thank him, nor would his stiff limbs, yet, it seemed good to expedite his training and get back into the groove of things before the lazying around part with Lucy became as much of a habit as it already had been. There were no tears left to dry, at least no sad ones - the past couldn't be changed but the future would, irrevocably, if he didn't do something to keep it the way it was. Would he want that? No, right now, he wanted to leave, but when? And where to? Lucy would surely not be opposed. "You don't look the part but I don't want to be patronizing. We're both old enough." What a strange way to express his worry, even now.

Josiah had always been someone that had a hard time holding his emotions in, had never been able to just let bygones be as they were and yet, he tried to cast Lou and his worries off of his clothes like they had turned into fine dust that bothered him only so much. "That's thoughtful of you. I'll take good care of them in your stead, then." What a bother. One chore more that he'd always wanted and now that he had it, that he could call it his own, he felt as if not only had he been undeserving of it in the first place, but like Louis was dumping random shit on him that the other couldn't be bothered with. What a way to view extra responsibility he could never get ahold of. "Will do. I suppose he should pull his weight sooner than later." No use in losing another person that they could stand to keep, considering Leilahs untimely demise. Jo felt numb to it, now that he thought about it, like he'd hardened up, his heart had frozen over or simply crystalized, in fear of taking another jab. "It's fine." Their relationship seemed like a patchwork blanket, something that they kept ripping apart and mending together - well, Louis kept tearing on it usually, Josiah mended it, but now, it didn't seem like there was much pulling on Lou's part at all - he was the one ripping his own hard work back up, huh? "That's good." For his own ego, surely - Jo would feel horrid if Louis was the next one that got into a stupid accident. Why were so many of those happening anyway? "You should go rest up, really. If you get dizzy and pass out somewhere, who knows when you're going to be found? And by who?" Jo clicked his tongue. "You're always so careless.", he scoffed. "I- Sorry, I didn't want to overstep. Just rest when you can, alright? As for the costume, only if you can make time and if you want to. I haven't had time to ... how do you feel? Not ... as a whole, I just asked that, about Leilah, about ... the rest. Do you need a hug?" Lucy was going to kill him.

"Three days.", Louis repeated with a nod. He could work Josiah back in then and announce the new plan ahead of time. They lacked so mamy parts of the show, it was time tonfill back up. The ringmaster didn't complain, but he'd make himself known in different ways. Maybe he was satiated for now though and maybe he also felt like Louis learnt his lesson. He couldn't slack too much though. Josiah comment about how Louis looked felt cold, very much so. Was he blaming Louid for Leila and the aftermath so much? They made up, didn't they? But Josiah acted like none of that happened, like he didn't comfort Louis a whole afternoon and as if Louis didn't try to explain his behavior during the shows. It hurt, even though Louis wanted him to let go for so long. Maybe instead of asking what was wrong, it was better to push him a bit more, but Louis didn't find the words, he didn't know what to say. It was probably better to leave Josiah be and if he wanted to start a life with Lucy maybe he'd have the idea to leave himself. Louis simply nodded in agreement and said nothing more to how fine he really was.

Maybe a new task wasn't the best now, but on the other hand, Louis feared for Josiahs life if he wasn't pulling his weight soon. Again he just nodded, not knowing what else to say or where he wanted to end up with Josiah. "I think he's eager too." And of all the children, despite being so shy, he was the only one still talking to Louis if he approached him. Again Josiah was unusually cold, was this all Lucys doing? In the end Blair was truly the only one that was there for him and maybe it was only right. Whatever happened here happened to the two of them only recently, so they had a bunch of things in common. Yet it felt wrong to put so much on him, when nobody even noticed Blair died and subsequently changed. Again Louis nodded. "I will in a bit.", he answered without any complaints. He'd update the schedule then maybe he'd have time to lie down a bit if his thoughts or the pain didn't keep him up. Suddenly there was some emotion after all, was Jo upset with him? "Sorry... I just..." Nothing he could explain anyway. Jo kept talking over him anyhow as Louis stood there, head low like a scolded kid. "You haven't had time to...?", he asked when Josiah just stopped in the middle of his sentence. What now? Was he worried after all? "I... I'm... uhm..." Louis avoided Jod gaze. The question came sudden and even though he couldn't stop thinking about Leila, he wasn't prepared to talk about her. His eyes started burning suddenly and he blinked a few times, then sniffled as if he just had cold. He wiped over his nose with his sleeve for a moment. It was Louis fault and if he was honest, he'd rather sacrificed one or three of the children to save her, which was a terrible thought on its own as well. "I miss her.", was all he said mumbling, instead of dumping anything on Josiah he could never explain and instead of arguing about faults when Jo didn't have all the facts.

"Best I can do.", he stated, matter-of-factly. Everything about him felt rigid, done over and stiff, like there was nothing to be gained from waiting on it, but also no sense in rushing headfirst into the next problem. Josiah was, after all, able to entertain himself and Lucy for an entire day, but more tasks would mean less time with her and more time to be spent in that tent, training not only by himself but also with the kids that needed it, most of them badly. Was this just another one of Louis ways to show him how rough they really had it if nobody held them together like glue, if there was nothing to be found in their barren lives except for a helping hand that the ringmaster extended toward them, in the shape of a single man that could do better than to simply be forced to sift through all of them and their talents and needs first? Even now, he figured his former best friend lead a lonely life and Jo, who was so convinced that he had to hold a grudge at some point, couldn't. Instead he blinked at Louis and didn't even see the same cold, weird man that was managing a good chunk of this circus himself, but he the person he cared for, time and time again, the one that didn't want him close, time and time again. "That's the spirit. I ought to look after the kids more myself, I'm just ... preoccupied." Half the time, that was. The other time he just watched them sleep.

Beholding Louis like a thing, a stranger, didn't sit right in his eyes, no, it even stung in his heart, his side, his everywhere - Jo couldn't help it, he couldn't even help himself when he needed it, but the more he thought on it, the less was he convinced that there was any need for him to draw such a harrowing line so soon. "You better, or I'll have to keep watch over you and we know we both don't really want that." Josiah wanted to avoid whatever Louis was after sundown the most, couldn't tell if whatever it was came out even on days Lou wasn't set to perform, but he knew that he didn't feel safe around it and that the more he thought on it, the more he questioned if the unfounded fears he felt in regards to that friend of his were simply amplified by the hatred for that side, or the fear of it, coupled with the constant foolish reenactments of love with Lucy he had. No, that was stupid, he loved her too - just ... differently than he loved Louis, no? He was like a brother, but Lucy? Why- Josiah didn't even want to finish the though. "Am I talking too much?" His shoulders went slack again. "It's complicated, it's not like I stopped caring about you, it's just ... Lucy doesn't like you much, but I like her and she likes me. But I feel like no matter what I do, I'll either step on her toes, or I'll step on yours. It doesn't mean I don't like you anymore, but if she's crying and scared, I can't exactly dump her to go talk to you and with you, I never know anymore if and what you want to tell me anyway. Or what you can and can't tell me." That was the unsweetened truth and Josiah could repeat himself a thousand times. Whether or not Lucy took priority over Lou, he couldn't say. What he could tell, though, was that even Lou was hurting. Another sigh. "And that's normal, too." Louis looked downright pathetic, pathetic enough for Jo to open his arms for him and pull him into a hug, patting Lou's back without even asking. "You might be good at your act but you suck at convincing me you're not crying, you know that?"