eat your young (earinor & marquis)

Blair seemed worried and while Louis wanted to trust him, he wasn't sure if he could or should. Even at the other times of day he was vigilant around him. In the end it was easier to break him during the day, when he was tired and in need of a confidant. With the visitors flooding the grounds he only cared for himself, used Blair as a tool if he needed to. On the other hand Blair seemed like he needed someone to talk to too. He wasn't like them for long either and he had none of his former friends to talk to. They didn't even notice he died. "Morning.", Louis replied a bit late, he realized he sounded a bit harsh before. "This headache won't go away... I suppose I haven't helped the situation with doing the show." He couldn't sit it out however. His body could still break apart, while during the shows it seemed like whatever the others, inlcuding Blair, became just moved his body, alive or dead didn't matter in that case. He didn't die though. The fire didn't kill him for some reason.

"I'll have to be." Louis couldn't just sit out a show or stay cooped up in his trailer forever. The talk he had with Josiah still lingered in his mind, as well as the fact that he wasn't listening at all again. Louis sighed holding onto the frame of the door for some support. "It's okay.", Louis mumbled not commenting Blairs gesture. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do, be nice or keep him in here so Roy could do whatever he wanted without Louis noticing? Not that he could do much about it. Not him and he refused to let go even if only for a few seconds. He was the same person but even then it felt like Blair would have to choose a side. Another day in bed? "I should keep my eye on things around here...", he mumbled. He wanted to take the offer, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea. He looked to the side were Blair looked, but saw nothing. "After meeting with Josiah, I went inside and locked up. Didn't see him no... and Jo didn't listen at all." Louis sighed. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. What if he used Blairs offer and spent the time with Jo instead? Keep him save. The last time he tried that didn't end well though...

What a persistent issue that was, much like Roy. “Do you think it’s stress? Tension?”, Blair suggested in regards to the headache that, by now, should have subsided. Louis wasn’t granted a single day or respite, and whereas Blair extended his hand to offer him one, the inner workings of his mind were a mystery to him - they drowned his words out, or perhaps he still hadn’t made it clear enough that he was done and through with playing Roy’s to shoo around. “Not really, no. But it’s not like that’s something you can easily influence.” One half of him was about as free as a captive could be, shackled to a post in the middle of the circus, with a generous helping of metaphorical chain to let him traverse the place, but even then, he couldn’t leave - and the other half didn’t seem like it wanted to in the first place. A veil of mist shrouded all that Louis was and even Blair, who saw everything, always, seemed to lack full understanding of what more he needed to be privy to such undefined inner workings. “I think I still have some old medicine left in my trailer, if you’d like to try? It was the expensive kind, but it might knock the wind out of your sails for a bit … should get rid of the headache, still.” Maybe not permanently.

“Yes, but that’s not what I asked. How are you, right now?”, he drove home, like a pick into ice, a nail into a wall - sometimes he scared himself, maybe right now was one of those times. In stead of his heart, Blair claimed to home a hearth, one burning low, with glints and sparks, enough to make him exist, even if it fed on food scraps and warbled sticks, on leftovers and bygones, keeping the flame low, almost extinguished - right now that didn’t seem to be the case, not when he watched Louis and all the subtle movements he made, listened to all the words he spat in vain. “I’ll do better next time. You don’t have to put your own comfort second opposed to mine, or anyone elses.” Blair was no samaritan either, not unshackled any day of his new life that should’ve brought him much needed freedom. Instead, it had exchanged the shackle of his bed, formed by sickness, for one made of undying loyalty to the wrong master - a disgusting act, was it not? “I can be your eyes and ears for the day. You do need sleep, I don’t.”, he clarified for them both, giving Louis a somewhat weak nudge. Of all that Blair could tell, he felt like he was shackled to both the ridiculous job he was doing and something else. Someone else. “That’s good. Let’s hope it stays that way.” Royless and save. “Mh, that does sound like him, doesn’t it? Have you tried scaring him? Not that that ever worked, like when Roy hit him over the head with that plank. Does that worry you? His dismissiveness?”

"No. I'm always stressed.", Louis quickly answered, this wasn't it. "Maybe the injury was worse than I thought..." Blair fixed it but even he couldn't look inside of Louis head. If the ringmaster reigned over death around here, maybe Louis would have died once more, but now it all just culminated in a headache. It's only been two days however, there was no need to overthink things. He was tired and he wanted to sit down at least, but he kept standing in his doorway, up the two steps and looked down to Blair to talk to him. "Oh no, I'd rather not." Whatever was able to knock him out could probably do more harm than good. He wasn't sure what it would mean for him changing. During the show was more than enough time for his alter ego to roam free. Whyever that was then and not other times. Louis carefully touched the spot that hurt the most, but that didn't tell him any more.

"Having a headache. I' not sure if the ringmaster will be upset if I am slacking, so worried too. Worried for Jo as well." That were all things not new to Blair. What was Louis supposed to say? He hadn't felt good since the fire and Blair probably knew that feeling. "I didn't say you did a bad job, but you also only have two eyes. My comfort hardly matters." Drifting between two worlds how was he supposed to feel comfortable? He was always on edge, scared and frustrated. "I...", Louis sighed, "... I'll just need one or two more hours..." He was too tired to think about work right now. "I mean I made him so angry a month or so ago that he gave me a black eye. Even that doesn't make him leave. He doesn't listen to me and with Roy I could be more open than with anything else I tried to tell him, yet he ust said I am worrying too much and that Roy would never go to any extremes... He used to feel something was off and I told him he was crazy. Now it seems like he simply wants to believe this place is exactly what it shows to all our guests..."

“I’d be too, if I was in your shoes.”, Blair mumbled apologetically - he already hated being like this, but to be like Louis was both blessing and curse at once, and that he was certainly sure of. “Do you want me to take a look? Stitches could be too tight, or you might need a cleaning.” An infection didn’t sound prosperous either, Blair could only hope it wasn’t that. But why would it be anyhow? They’d taken care of it, proper and good, as best as they could, which had to stand for something, but most definitely not an infection. He looked up at Louis, who seemed to tower over him now, something he welcomed, only it was a temporary arrangement and would soon be naught if either of them moved in a specific direction. One back, one forth, like an endless dance. “I figured. If it’s not any better after the show tonight, or on our off day, the offer still stands. Just so you know.”, he redoubled his efforts, worry in a voice that wavered over less before. Was he a liar? Or just trying to secure a warm place to stay? No, that certainly wasn’t it.

Loneliness was its own beast to conquer, something that was impervious to any of his attempts of a hunt, but Louis was about to be either a stepping stone or an ally in what Blair had planned - and if it didn’t come to pass, then none of that was meant to be. “Excuse my choice of words but … Jo has been out of it for long enough now that the ringmaster should be mad at him, not you. I don’t mean that in a bad way.” It likely didn’t help with Louis nerves, or the way he was wracking his brain over fifty things at once. Alleviating those troubles, granting him silence, darkness, respite, rest and a shoulder to lean on wouldn’t fix him, but it would help, wouldn’t it? Blair was trying, like a starving street mutt being thrown a bone once, thinking there was more where that one had come from. “I didn’t take it that way, and there’s no offense taken. You don’t have to butter me up. I see what I see, no matter how sharp my eyes are, you’re right about that. Your comfort does matter, greatly.”, he spoke in turn, well aware of his shortcomings and feats alike. Still, did he have to lay himself bare so Louis could pick flesh from his bones like a vulture? At this point, it was almost unnerving. “Rest, as much as you need. Really. I mean it.” His own features often felt alien to him, like he’d lost any semblance of control over most of his body, namely his expressions, when he sold his soul. Blair still managed a small smile, not too forced or apparent, but one that reached his eyes, if only for a better effect. “That’s … peculiar. He’s normal outside of that? Or is anything else weird? I know the lot of you are grieving, but outside of that? Anything you’d consider … I don’t know, questionable or odd?”

With so much going on lately, Louis felt like he couldn't properly do his job anymore. The trouble with Roy, the fights with Josiah, the fact that he himself changed so drastically and suddenly, the ringmaster showing him his place, Leila dead, Jo hurt and now Louis stood here with an immense headache himself. They lost two acts and the one person overseeing all preperations. This once was all fun and games, before the fire and after it was an effort to keep Josiah safe, but not much more than that. He'd been lonely and scared, yes, but now? Nor so many things happened at once, they lacked two acts Louis couldn't be a stand in for and the ringmaster? It was probably only a matter of time until he expressed his disdain. "I might just not heal as fast as you guys...", Louis mumbled. Yes, right, he didn't belong anywhere. "I'll be fine...", Louis mumbled. He couldn't lose control, not again and certainly not any longer than before. He did during the shows, but to be honest, even then he would never do anything drastic that would sabotage it. In the middle of the night however? Louis couldn't be sure, he was worried and angry at Roy and he'd rather see him disappear than Jo being hurt.

Louis looked at Blair and furrowed his brows. "He can't perform with a bunch of cracked ribs. If it was another act I'd get him back on it, but he'd just break his bones." Louis told him to at least train and look after Arthur, but he wasn't sure if Jo was doing much of anything, as if this one break he didn't want to take himself suddenly felt so good, he just embraced it. No, that was probably unfair, he cared about Conny a whole lot from what he heard, who also didn't perform and who he neglected to push. She too would be in trouble soon if she didn't do anything. Louis knees finally gave in and he sat down on the top stair to his trailer, one hand holding his head. He wasn't someone who showed any weakness infront of others, besides Jo maybe, he knew how the others just waited for it, like animals and maybe Blair was one of them, but right now there was so much going on, Louis couldn't take it anymore. If not for Blair standing right in front of him, maybe he would have broken out in tears, but he held everything back for now, just being incredibly exhausted. He couldn't save anyone, Leila died, Conny would likely too and Jo didn't listen. Lucy listened even less, she hated him and Martha and James, they would never leave this place either. "Thanks Blair...", he simply mumbled. Only after a short while, with his vision being less dim, did he look up at Blair again. "I wouldn't say he's acting out of the ordinary, the more I try to tell him he's in danger, the less he wants to hear it..." Even if he knew something was off, he was too scared to face it. He even saw Louis break down and his probably dead body bursting once he stepped over the border that marked the ringmasters domain. Even if he didn't understand it, he saw Louis like that and afterwards comforted him for the whole rest of the day and yet it seemed like he forgot all about it. Louis didn't even expect a visit, but he somewhat at least wished for something.

Blair didn’t move for the time being, it was like he had taken root deep in the soil beneath him, anchored himself like an old, steadfast tree that no breeze, no wind, no storm or bolt of lightning, rain of fire, could hope to ever return back to whence it came, to ashes from above, drizzling onto a world once as blank as theirs. “You’ve seen him.”, he reminded Louis. “We don’t heal that absurdly fast either, no matter how powerful we think we are, or how much power we hold.” A predicament that was but a burden to share between those that had forsaken all normal means of life. Their flesh, rigid and gaunt, unbound from the sway of time and the decay brought about by the natural, had to fester within, somehow, somewhen - a body like theirs wouldn’t heal as that of their former selves did, or so Blair believed. What wishful thinking that was, that a broken bone would only need time and rest, not fuel in the form of something that wasn’t theirs to partake in, theirs to share with tarnished, worn spoons among lukewarm laughter and yesterdays promises of a better tomorrow. “Can you promise that, or is it just wishful thinking?”, Blair prodded Louis further, perhaps more than needed.

His words weren’t like silk and honey, his presence not one of comfort but knowing, of routine, of sameness for all the ones that dared to gaze within his soul, but to Louis, it surely was none of that. New, uncertain, wavering, that fit better. “No, I’m well aware. I’m just saying that … maybe it’d be smart to keep him close by, force him to do something else. Would keep him away from Roy, too. Or rather, Roy from him.” Interspersing that stuff into it would hopefully help Louis pick a priority, one he ought to chose at some point, not today, or tonight even - any point in time was fine, as long as it happened before it was too late. A sorry man was brought to his knees right in front of him, and Blair, who’d been rooted to the spot, was beckoned forward by himself, or rather something within himself. One. “Thank you, Louis.”, he mumbled, embarrassment chasing the last tinges of a sentence so silent and minuscule, it might as well have been a whisper on the wind. Finally, his legs moved, as his eyes rested on Louis’ own, so dim and dark, yet not as dead as Blairs own. “But that doesn’t sound like him, does it?” Once more he eclipsed Louis, but not for long. This time, he crouched in front of him, arms on his knees as he peered up at that which had once been an equal, now was supposed to be a lesser man, and yet was all the same. “If memory serves right, I agree that he’s annoying and defiant, sometimes underprepared and often an idiot, and yet, he’s never been one to not take your word seriously, or act on it. Maybe I’m off the mark, though, who knows how much he’s changed.” That pest was an eyesore to even the likes of him, yet his importance to Louis seemed to be greater than any shadow Blair would ever cast. Fair enough. “That’s bothering you too, isn’t it? I don’t want to make assumptions but you look more hurt in there …” Blair slowly reached out, pressing a single finger to Louis chest, right where his heart was supposed to be, deep enough for it to at least leave a short, dull, ache. “… than out here.” This time, he gently tapped Louis forehead with the same finger. “There’s no shame in that and needing a break. You can’t shoulder everything on your own or you’ll miss the forest for the fire one day.”