bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

This wasn’t his spot, nor was it his choice to make. Yujin understood that he, while not second to anyone Richard loved as a lover, he’d be second to what he had left, what he called family, unlike whatever his own was to him in this bizarre life he led. Both that and the realization that there was neither any use nor need for him to dramatize everything as much as he had. “You’re right, he’s not. Sorry.”, he relented and still tried to accept all of this. Would he leave with Richard and see Adrestia for the first time in his sodden life? Or would he just stay here, let a small gash become a festering fleshwound and then blame everything on someone whom he’d just taken all joy from? Yujin was annoyed, mostly at himself. Richard deserved better than his incessant meddling, his foul attitude and his overly cautious portrayal of something so easy, it was laughable any of this was even a problem in the first place. He doubted it’d truly be fine, but opening another conundrum with an argument he’d lose wouldn’t sit well with either of them. Still, what Richard wanted wasn’t wrong to ask for. “Mhm, I’ll come get you later.”

Yujin got up before long, ruffling through Richards hair. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay?” Walking away made him uneasy, though, there had to have been worse - he could stay in the area, but there weren’t any trees or rocks to hide behind, nor anything wholly interesting out here. Out of options, he decided to take a walk in one direction, chasing after his foggy breath and trailing after his own footsteps for quite a while, going back and forth while observing the ever-same landscape, unchanging and seemingly eternal. To be frank, he hated it out here and didn’t understand what made his skin crawl so much at the mentions of Adrestia, or setting foot on foreign land - had he not wanted to see all the flowers that he could, run through greenery and see what leaves on trees looked like while they were alive? All those dumb comments seemed to be nothing but a farce after all, just like Richard expected them to be and Yujin, albeit not saddened by it, took a moment to cry a little to himself once he was out of sight and mind of his other half - he let himself fall in the snow and lay there, looking up at the ever-same grey. It shouldn’t be as hard to understand that he was only scared, neither should it come as a surprise to someone he loved so dearly. Today, Richard made no sense to him, or perhaps he himself didn’t and now was eating his own words for it.

Richard didn't know how to make everyone happy and it seemed impossible to be close to Dayan and Yujin at the same time. Even if Yujin came around and joined Richard in Adrestia, it wouldn't be forever. He either had to visit one or the other every now and again, but at the same time he didn't understand how Yujin couldn't hop over his shadow and at least come with him for a few months? He'd be away from his home and family, but Richard was away from his all the time, yet it seemed like Yujin expected things to stay that way. And what if Richard did have a place in Adrestia? Not on the throne, but in Fhaergus, or at his brothers side? Yujin made Richard feel like he betrayed him, like he left him with no regard, as if Richard didn't care, but he did, yet he also cared about other things. This could have been fun, days of awaiting his brother and making sure he'd feel welcome here, plan where he could stay and food he'd enjoy. He was sure Dayan didn't expect to be treated like a king and yet Richard wanted to do that, only that this place wasn't his at all.

Instead now he dreaded Dayan arriving, for he didn't know if he had to say goodbye to Yujin and when he'd see him again. Because Yujin seemed upset by the thought of meeting Richards brother, as if he was stealing him away. It felt like he wanted Richard to give up his home, because Yujin couldn't give up his own. Richard pulled out the letter Dayan wrote to read it again. Yes him coming to pick Richard up was stated as facts, but it was in response to Richard expressing he wanted to come home. To him Dayan regretted his decision and jumped up as soon as he could to go make it right. Nayantais words have been a little worrying, somethin seemed to stand between them, which was a shame but maybe Richard could fix it. It was probably about Lucien and Richard couldn't say he approved of their relationship himself and yet one little point of contention wouldn't sour the relationship they had built all their lives. Richard put his hand on his fathers grave, then bedded his head on his knuckles. He missed him so dearly and nothing felt right. Would the pain ever stop? Was it right to even consider shunning all his responsibilities when his fathers and grandfather risked their lives for peace? Was it right to put all the responsibility onto Dayan? When they saw each other again in Adrestia Richard wasn't able to have a real conversation with him, he wanted to tell him so much and hopefully he could once he was here... "I love you all... forgive me...", he mumbled at the graves wishing he could remove more than just Dayans cross. The sound of the waves clashing at the cliffs filled the air, the smell of salt hitting him even up here and the snow Yujin had been talking about slowly started to fall. Only a few moments later did he hear the crunching of snow beneath boots. He didn't have any answers, but he was ready to go home.

One cry session wouldn’t fix him and after mucking this entire day up, Yujin was eager to simply make things right again, despite everything. Was he in the right? Of course not, but his father had always told him that at times, one relented even if they weren’t wrong, to keep peace and make life for everyone around them easier. Stubbornness would only mean his own end and Yujin had to agree that he stood to gain nothing from keeping this up. He’d wiped his tears before long and decided he’d see how Richard was doing after a while, the dark clouds up above now even darker. This truly seemed like a good time to go home, before the weather turned for the worst. With snow still stuck to his clothes and hair, he followed his own footsteps back to where he’d left Richard by the cliff, hoping he hadn’t had the gall to do something downright stupid over their disagreement. Yujin knew he’d be pissed if he did, and worse, then all of this was for nothing, too. Maybe he hadn’t even been so wrong - he wasn’t always giving him enough space and sometimes, he suffocated him with all the love he couldn’t contain.

As silly as it was to consider, Yujin felt bad for being himself and nothing like the version of him Richard had known at the same time. He felt even worse about making such a fuss about all of this, to the point he wasn’t even sure if he started crying again, or if there were snowflakes on his face that were melting and getting him wet, the moment they came in contact with his skin. Once he made it back, he looked at Richard and felt his body become a little more taut - his shoulders stiffened and his eyes narrowed, only for him to smile again. “You ready to go? The weather won’t hold much longer.” If it only were a little snow, he would have waited longer, but he’d rather be inside if they were to be snowed in than outside somewhere, and then unable to get back into their hut. Sure, they had the castle to go back to, but Yujin didn’t want to and maybe that was a good thing. “How do you feel? And what do you want to do with Dayans cross?” Toss it into the sea to symbolize that death had not taken him after all? Or keep it as some odd memento of worse days than this one? Yujin didn’t even know why he asked.

Richard put Dayans letter back into his sleeve and then turned his head a little to look at Yujin, but his neck refused to budge and everything felt stiff and hurt, his muscles protecting the cracked bones underneath. He nodded slightly, he was ready to go, then looked at the cross still in his lap. "Oh... nothing I guess." He hadn't thought that far ahead but it felt wrong to just throw it away, it felt like throwing away Dayan in an odd way. Nayantai had carved names into them. Richard missed him and let his fingers run over the scarred wood. "Maybe just... throw it into the fire...", he suggested, destroying it before it became a bad omen was probably best. He handed it over for Yujin to hold, before grabbing his hand to help him get up. He tried to stifle a groan, the snow stuck to his clothes and his legs were wet up to his knees. It was cold, but today Richard didn't mind it, despite his fingers feeling stiff.

Richard leaned on Yujin once more, needing him to get back, his legs barely carrying him. The fall set him back much more than he would have liked. He didn't say anything on the way back, neither did Yujin until they reached the hut and Yujin helped Richard out of his wet boots. Richard held onto the closed door until Yujin came back up to him, about to help him out of his wet clothes too, but Richard stopped him by putting his hand on his cheek. He looked him in the eyes then kissed him softly. Even after the kiss he didn't remove his hand and stayed close. "I know you're on my side and you're just worrying for me. I've been talking as if Dayan had discarded me here, but I think I was just hurt and missed him and my father, but it doesn't matter... I know you're just trying to look out for me and I know it's scary to travel so far away, I won't force you. I'm sorry, I overreacted... I don't want to fight. Once Dayan is here we can figure things out and I value your opinion as much as his."

Nowadays, he liked routine and yet, that kept changing time and time again, to adjust to the needs of another, something he’d never thought he’d seriously do. It was nice, that change of pace, but somehow difficult to shoehorn into the rest of his life, even if it meant more warmth and comfort. Yujin would be lying if he claimed he wasn’t interested in Richard, or his story, or their shared life and he’d also be lying to both him and himself if he claimed that everything, all of it, hadn’t changed much and was yet the same again. There was nothing to gain from such a bonafide and bold lie. “The fire? To free him?”, he asked, wondering if Richard would adhere to Thrian tradition. Grave markers weren’t anything new, but they rarely held corpses, according to ancient thrian beliefs that would condemn their soul until it all rotted away. Therefore, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to do it together?” Tossing it in the sea would mean he’d be lost - all alone and encompassed by darkness furthermore, until the wood was worn away by the salt of the sea, however many years that might take.

Their way back was uneventful, but Yujin let Richard lean onto him - sure, he was hurt a little, but that didn’t mean he had to be an asshole to someone he loved more than the moon would any star, especially not over a minor disagreement. When they came back, he parked Richard at the door to put the cross aside and step out of his own boots first, as well as the wet top-most layer, then came over to help him. Being on his feet for a while would do him good anyway and Yujin, figuring that just standing could help his muscles, wasn’t putting himself first on purpose anyway. Once those cold fingers snaked their way over his cheek, he froze for a moment and a shiver ran down his spine - their lips met and Yujin, who’d expected anything but that, stood frozen in place, unsure if his cheeks were warm because of the change in temperature to outside, or because Richard had caught him off-guard. Nay he could respond, the blondes mouth moved - Yujin blinked, confused and surprised alike, at the confessions he was met with, like pellets of rain dropping on his face. “No, no … I overreacted. I don’t even know your brother and the least I can give him is the benefit of the doubt, even if you badmouth him in a way, but it’s just hard when that’s often all I hear about him. Honestly, I can’t even conceive how close you two are, I don’t have that. I’m glad he let you come back to me and that you wanted to be with me, and I’m ridiculous for being scared about leaving a place I don’t want to be in. I love my family, in this weird and odd way, but it’s … you genuinely love yours, you know? And nobody is saying we won’t ever be back, but this should be an opportunity for me to see the world I only know from tales and writing. I’m behaving like an idiot. I’m sorry, it’s just, I … I’ll come with you. We don’t need to figure anything out. You’ve done so much for me, you came back to me, and I might be a little sore about you leaving, so I won’t let you leave alone again. Ever.”, he made up his mind on the spot, his words spilling out of his mouth as he warmed up and leaned into Richards touch for a second, averting his gaze in shame. “I love you more than anyone else, you know that, right?” Yujin moved in, this time kissing Richard himself and wrapping his arms around him, to give him something else to lean on for the time being. Actually, what was he doing? He just picked Richard up instead, careful not to touch any of the painful spots. “I shouldn’t always take you for granted.”