bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

"I know. You never want me to.", he mumbled. Richard was too caring if anything. There was nothing he could feasibly do about it, telling him to stop wasn't an option simply because Yujin already knew that, regardless of it all, he was too kind, too much of a sweetheart, too loving for his own good - even when Yujin didn't deserve it, Richard still seemingly made a point to always accommodate him and figure out the best solution for both. Yujin, on the other hand, never put himself as part of the equation and only really cared if Richard was save or not. This was reaching unprecedented levels of stupid, wasn't it? Now that he himself was ailing, like the idiot he was, all he gained for that subpar performance he played was the realization that, despite everything, he gained nothing from being stupid, from being obedient and unable to see the world for what it really was - he couldn't help himself, not once or twice, not even now, he was an idiot, even still, to put it simply. Yujin could only bemoan his failings, yet refused to, more so now that the reality of it all dawned upon him - his stupidity, eternal as it seemed to be, like a red thread, spanning across all the mistakes he'd ever made in his life.

"Why not? We can go anywhere, as long as we're out of my families reach.", he tried his best to respond, biting back the pain again. It hurt, so bad, like blinding, white hot something - a hot knife, maybe, like still burning coals singing his soles, his body unable to move. His pulse was quick and Yujin no longer knew if he was sweating because of the heat in the baths, his pain or not sweating at all, and if all of that was water - sitting down helped, very much so, but it wouldn't for long. Weaseling himself out of here seemed impossible. "No, what are you sorry for?" Right now, he still tried to play the caring one of the two of them, the one that could do anything if he put his mind to it while visibly in pain, still. There was no blood, just pain, neverending and all controlling in its onslaught on his senses. "Mhm ... that'd be nice." Yet Yujin already could guess what they'd do - feed him more painkillers, maybe they'd make him stupid again and maybe, just maybe, he'd deal with that for the sake of being the person Richard loved and being able to love him back, without everything gnawing at the back of his mind. Still, as Richard suggested the obvious, he grabbed him harder, and as uncharacteristical as all of this already was of him, yelped "No!" as a last ditch effort, like he'd ever be forced to take the medication by that man specifically. "Sorry ... I just ... I'm done with forgetting everything, you know? I don't ... want to not remember ..." His grip loosened a little as he tried to catch his breath, then put one of his hands on his leg again, pressing against the scar. "No ... it's the scars. My chest is not ... that bad, but my leg drives me nuts."

"I still hurt you, I know." That wasn't what Yujin said, but Richard was aware and he was sorry. Bringing him with him hadn't been an option either, but he could have stayed. In the end nobody could say what would have happened though. Maybe the guilt of simply living a life while all of his family, sans Nayantai, were dead would have eaten him up and it wouldn't have ended well either. He could still apologize to Yujin. Now that he remembered more, did that mean he remembered how Richard used to be? And how he treated him when he left? It was only fair if he could, if he had all the information before deciding anything and even if Yujin ended up being too hurt, he'd still take him to Adrestia if he wanted it, just to get him out of here. No strings needed. He never saw Yujin like this before, the pained expression on his face, the furrowed brows, it was so unlike him and as if he aged ten years, baring the weight of the world suddenly.

"How far do we need to go for that? Quan said he's scared Xu would find him anywhere." And still Richard didn't believe it. Silesse wasn't the most influential place, neither in Thria nor in Adrestia. They barely had anything to trade but fur and he still didn't believe Xu could take over Thria even if he suddenly set his mind to it. Yujin would know better though, probably. Richard looked at Yujin after he refused his apology just like that. "For just springing this onto you like that." Not for telling the truth, but maybe he could have done it a bit more gentle. His suggestion was met with a hard grip on his thin limbs, one that hurt a little bit. "I... I know, I'm sorry...", he replied. "Maybe we can mix or brew something ourselves. We might find something in the library, or we could ask one of the elders." Who were rude and disliked Richard, but who cared. They were old, they had to know something. "The wound should long be healed, if the pain didn't subside by now, it won't just go away. I don't want to see you suffer. Maybe... well I got some medication too and I didn't forget anything, maybe some of that would help you." Richard softly reached for Yujins leg as well and put his hand on it. Richard had a lot of questions and concerns, but he didn't want to spring everything on Yujin at once.

"I'm ... hah ... aware. But that's in the past ...", he mumbled, eager to get this over and dealt with. Yujin didn't remember everything, he never would be capable of doing that and that was something he needed to make peace with, sooner or later, whenever he managed to find a moment for it. For now, there were more pressing matters to attend than his own feelings of betrayal, or the problems he had encountered with said memory and their inconsistency over the past few weeks. All that mattered now, even if it shouldn't, was the blaring pain that felt akin to the sound of a botched gong, resounding in his ears like the sinking beat of horns. Over and over again. This was making him sick, the pain was making him queasy and desperate and his judgement, a mind clouded by pain, was anything but the soundest. Could he even dig in his memories with a face contorted in pain and a restless leg that tried to calm itself by any means necessary? It seemed so easy to solve, like a puzzle he only needed to apply a second of his time to, yet he had none. The sweat that pearled from his forehead was indeed that, his complexion likely gaunt and the way his eyes darted around for something that would manage to give him relief less than convincing.

"Further than ... hah ... the hut, out of Silesse at least ... he's such a ... dumb worrywart ... but not entirely wrong." None of that helped alleviate anyones fears, that much he was sure of. Richard was already scared of someone else, he knew it to be complicated and adding Xu as well as his father into the mix would only spell out disaster. Yujin tilted his head back and squeezed his eyes shut - the world was impossibly bright for a second, one he couldn't stand, either. His entire mood seemed to be seriously volatile at the moment, leaving him to wonder if it were a simple softspot he had developed for Richard at some point in both of their young lives or if he just was good at shutting himself up. "I asked for it ... as long as you're save it's ... alright ... hah ...", he responded in a sobbering tone, not capable of much more. This sucked. "I'm sorry ... did that ... hurt?" Even still, he made sure Richard was fine and while that was probably part of how he operated - making sure others were whole and feeling alright before himself - it helped. "I can ... probably ... just not like this. Ugh." Was he going to throw up? No, not like this, not here, not with that little pain. Yujin, for the first time in forever, leaned against Richard not to keep him save but to hold himself up, to flee into someone elses arms that, while not stronger now, once was and could make him feel like the world couldn't hurt him if it tried. "It won't ... I know this is chronic. It's all so ... mushy and weird, I can't remember it much but it's there. It just ... won't stop hurting ... I hate it. For a moment he just sat there, let Richard help himself to a piece of him and before long, the pain became more bearable again. This was bad. "It'll ... flare up again. Sorry. I'm okay for now ... I think."

Yujin didn't seem capable for a hearty talk right now and Richard respected it, he simply held him as best as he could. What would he have done if Richard hadn't showed up here? And why didn't he say anything, Richard wanted some space, yes, but if Yujin was in this much pain, of course he would have let him in. The world was cruel, it sucked, Richard wondered what he did for misfortune and pain following him around. First his father, then his siblings, then Nayantai and himself and now that he escaped Olettes clutches Yujin was dragged through thw wringer, because Richard couldn't let it go and his family had it out for him, all of them. He kind of maybe understood why his fathers would be complicit in keeping Yujin under control and out of Xus way, but at one point could one fault them too? Richard wanted to ask Nayantai for advice so badly lately, so very often did he think if only he was here, he could explain all these things that didn't make sense to Richard and offer a solution too.

At least Yujin agreed that fleeing Silesse was enough when it came to his family. With Yujin gone for good, none of them had a reason to hold a grudge either. "Well yeah, but you didn't know what I'd tell you...", Richard mumbled and now that he thought about it, he was a bit surprised Yujin wasn't more surprised that Richard went outside today. Richard was surprised too. He had bigger problems now, that was for sure. "No it's fine.", he quickly answered. Richard got used to worse pain than a strong grip and he knew all too well what pain could do to a body. "Try to breath... it's going to get better...", Richard tried to calm Yujin down, but while he knew down in that prison that his wounds would heal eventually, or he'd simply die, this wasn't true for Yujin though. The thought made Richard flinch but he banished his own problems to the back of his mind, he'd deal with it another time. It took some time until Yujins breathing calmed down and his grip losened. "There is nothing to apologize for." Richard still held Yujin, regretting that he probably couldn't make him feel as safe anymore as he used to. Yujin on the other hand got so much stronger. "So... I still don't understand all of this, but if your brother is leaving you alone because of you not remembering and because you are supposed to marry Yin and move away... I mean, won't it be obvious that neither of those things will happen in the current trajectory? To him I mean... I... I don't want to overwhelm you, or frighten you, I am just worried. Right now we're stuck here after all."

Everything hurt slightly less, which made it much more bearable and at the same time gave him a moment to think - he wanted this, right? Wanted to be with Richard, through sickness and health that would always loom over them like some third wheel they hadn't invited, yet it was running along with them, a hair's breadth away, not farther, not shorted, none of that. Was it fine to hate himself for his inability as they toiled about in the baths like this, someplace that was filled with laughter and them having their fun usually, not like this. Yujin felt bad, even when he finally got his breathing under control and his chest stopped heaving as much. There were few things he could do, considering the circumstances. "Yes, but ... it was important you told me, no? I don't see an issue with that." Still trying to keep his calm, Yujin couldn't say he felt the life surging back into his features - much the opposite, actually. For now, he sat back up straight, stopped contorting himself in impossible ways and grabbed Richards hand from his leg, which lay comfortably within his own, like they had been made out of stone for one another, carved gently with all their flaws intact, made to fit one another and nobody else.

"It's better now. For a little bit, hopefully." However long it would be, it hopefully was enough to get out of here and go back to bed where he could deal with it, dried and clothed, before he would have another episode of that and have to get someone to pull him out of there. This would be more than just a little embarrassing, no? "No, there is plenty. Sorry for springing this on you. I could've been considerate and said something ahead of time. I just didn't know this happened ... I forgot too much.", he lamented, aware it wouldn't change anything but still convinced he should try to do something, for the sake of both of them, for now, or whatever it was that made him believe that no matter what, he was going to make it out of this. "No, it's okay. I don't know why I'm taking this so calmly but I'm not ... scared at all? I don't know. It's not that I can't picture my brother doing any of this, in fact, I can very well, but I also feel like he'll have a hard time unless he'll outright do the job himself." However that would happen, Yujin didn't want to find out, not like this. Right now, what mattered was getting out of here, though, and taking their little whispering session somewhere less ... open. "We should wash up and go, and then ... figure this out. You're not wrong, but I feel like if I take more of that medication forever, at some point my brain will turn into a pile of mush and I don't like being happy all the time that much ... this still is weird, othering even. I don't know, like I grew a second head?" An apologetic smile chased after those words and Yujin scratched the back of his head. "Maybe this is as far as it'll got. The memories, I mean, which means there's plenty missing."

"Yeah I... I think you had a right to know. Whether people try to protect you or not, it's your life, your body, I... Well I didn't have the right to stick my nose into this, but I couldn't lie to you." And ommitting was lying too. There was no two ways about it and Richard didn't want to be like the rest of them, making decisions for Yujin when he was very capable of deciding things for himself. Richard already did that to him, by simply leaving, deciding Yujin had no say in this and that he couldn't speak his opinion. Enough of that, Richard wanted to be honest, there were enough liars in this place. Yujin sat up, trying to find his composure and Richard let go of him at least a little bit. His hand landed in Yujins of whom he wasn't sure if he still wanted Richard even, after leaving him in the cold twice, one worse than the other and after maybe remembering the old Richard, the one he fell in love with, not whoever he was now.

"Mhm... I can't say I know how to help you. I've felt a lot of pain, but... well I always knew it would stop one day." There were times when just existing hurt, when he simply lay on the cold floor in his cell, unsure of which way to turn, because everything hurt however he laid down. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't speak, but still there was some end to it he could see, however it would come. He thought he'd just die eventually, that didn't happen, but he wasn't down there anymore and now the occassional sting when he moved too fast or too much was barely worth mentioning. "Don't worry about it. I passed out two times in front of you and neither time I mentioned this could happen before, probably giving you half a heart attack yourself. You want to be strong and not burdon me, I get it." Richard smiled and there was somewhat of a joking tone in there. It was the truth, but it was also silly of him. "So you think he'll continue holding back? I feel like if I took you with me, he'd have no reason to hurt you anyway, right? You'd be out of Silesse. I don't understand why your father keeps you here..." None of any of their motivations made sense to him. "Better than being dead... but I don't know your brother. I'll trust your opinion.", Richard let out. He was tired and unsure of where to go. His room? They were not keeping up appearences then it seemed. This day was a lot. Richard slowly got up, it wasn't just this open echo-y space, the warmth probably went to Yujins head too and it didn't help him. "Some of this might not be that drug you've been taking. I forgot plenty of things as well, because I couldn't handle the truth. It went so far that I made up memories I was convinced were mine." He thought he knew how their attacker looked like, he saw that made up face in his dreams every night. The truth was so much worse and if he had known then, who knew how his time in Silesse would have ended. "Do you need a hand?", he asked Yujin, stretching out his to help him up if he needed it.

“It’s fine. It really is. At least there’s someone that believes in me, in a sea of people that either hate my guts or just don’t want me to make my own decisions. What a pain.”, Yujin ultimately lamented. He wasn’t some sort of dog that, at the mere sight of its owner, would ultimately keep wagging its tail for both attention and appreciation. Suddenly, he seemed past that phase, like the blink of an eye was enough to change a person and as weird as it felt, who knew if this wasn’t the version of himself he’d always meant to be - someone that couldn’t deal with himself, someone that wasn’t even sure what he was. All of this hypothetical nonsense was hurting his head and he needed his noggin for more than just that, admittedly, something else was hurting too but it wouldn’t do them any good to go over the same thing, rinse and repeat, like much of his life had been. Just how careless was he? Gods, these things seemed stupid - if he could, he’d strangle his past self right about now until it stopped breathing and then some, but he’d make sure not to kill it entirely. After all, that was the guy Richard loved so candidly, wasn’t it? Yujin felt almost bad for not being him anymore.

“You being here is enough. I can just look up some remedies and go from there, not sure if I’ll get them to work quick enough, but the usual is always an option.” Yujin wanted to know if the memory loss was a side effect - unwanted as it was - and therefore a compromise or if it was a deliberate choice, on whoever’s part. This stuff stunk to the high heavens. “I remember that, and you did give me a fright! But that’s besides the point. I don’t want to burden you, yes, but it’d also be embarrassing if someone that isn’t you had to drag me out of here while I’m naked, you know? I can live without that.”, he huffed, sounding embarrassed already from just imagining it. The world was a cruel place, even for some second prince like him - being cautious was an important part of staying on top of his enemies, and then, he wondered why he even thought about that. Why would he care? Today, his brain seemed to play sick tricks on him. “I don’t think he would and if I play dumb for long enough, maybe he’ll not get that I’ve not been taking my medicine, either. I bet he’s scared of me remembering everything, or maybe he just thinks I’m easier to handle when I’m less like my father. Ugh. Sorry.” Richard didn’t need someone like Shuren in his life. That meant, of course, Yujin was about as useless of a partner for that as straight up dating his old man would be. Did Richard even care? Too many strange questions, too few answers. “He sucks. That’s about as far as it goes. Egomaniac. Selfabsorbed. Wasn’t always like that.” For now he kept it brief - he just wanted to go cuddle, it didn’t matter what room or which bed it’d be, as long as he got rid of this pain and finally got to be close to the man he loved so much. “You’re right but there’s just too much that’s not … there. Give it a few days. If I don’t like it I’ll drug myself.” That was easier said than done. Yujin grabbed Richards hand with a nod, stepping out onto a perfectly fine and one shaky leg. “Thanks.” With a bit of effort, he made it to the towels, dried himself off and stepped into his fresh set of clothes, just for the stinging blazes of pain to slowly return - they better got out now.

Yujin had be unhappy and angry before, he fought with his father before too and hid away t the hut, even uninvited, just so he didn't have to go back home, but this seemed different. He had every right to be angry, annoyed, disappointed and many more things, but it was simply odd to see him like this. before, even when Richard pointed something out to hi Yujin probably was aware of, but didn't want to face, he usually complained, only to hide away and distract them both with something else entirely. He never really thought too much about things or lingered on a certain topic. Not that he didn't have a perfectly normal reaction now, it was simply unusual and he was sounding more like Richard did the first time he came to Silesse. Sometimes Richard didn't even know who he was himself and who he was supposed to be. He'd been plenty cheerful, maybe a bit worrisome before, then he simply was angry and searched for challenges and fights everywhere and now he was a shadow of both of these versions of himself, weak and useless. There were some things that never changed, but overall he was a whole different person and now it seemed like Yujin was changing too. Didn't he once tell him he liked about him that he was always the same?

"Maybe we'll get an answer to this... I've sent some of it to my brother after all, I don't know if you remember. I always had my suspicions after all and I wanted to know more." It was doubtful an answer would arrive plainly in a letter though and even if they sealed it, what was Richard going to do if someone else just broke the seal and read the letter before he even got to catch a glimpse of it. "Hey now, you can still dry yourself and dress without help and if I need to carry you to your room you're doomed either way." He used to be able to carry Yujin, now though? There was no way and even half of his weight would be a challenge. "Why are you apologizing?", Richard asked while pulling Yujin up as best as he could. Sometimes it felt like his scars dug into his body in moments where he tried to use his muscles, but the pain subsided as quickly as it came and thus Richard was more than capable of ignoring it. "You're sounding very serious about it.", Richard pointed out without casting any judgement. It was just simply out of character. Richard dried himself down and dressed as well. "I'll try and help you to your room, if you want that." Richard would have an easier time getting to his own. He had no stamina whatsoever, but it wasn't a far walk from Yujins and he could take his time with it. His legs worked fine too, he was simply tired.

Saying that he didn't know this was uncharacteristic for himself would be a flat out lie - he was more of an escapist, someone that distracted himself with all sorts of hijinks than he was someone that genuinely was interested in anything that had to do with confrontation. Yujin often blamed himself for things outside of his control that he couldn't possibly have forseen, but this time? He needn't take blame - he ought to take action. As he finally stood there, he knew well enough what it meant to let himself be trampled as he had up until now - pain and suffering, which soon might be something he had to share with someone, maybe even Richard, if Xu got any more of his bright ideas like he had had them in the past. Now, it was too late to fix that, but everything else? Something that hadn't happened yet could still be prevented, Yujin was sure of that. Death suited neither of them. "You're nosy, aren't you? I can't blame you, just don't get your hands dirty or get caught with whatever it is you want to do, okay? I worry about you, and I don't want my worries to become reality. I can live without that.", he gently chastised Richard, as gentle as something like that could sound to begin with.

Wind swept away the secrets of Silesse, new snow buried them, made a glimpse in the past difficult - many events that had come to pass no longer existed, were spoken words for hundreds of years, and while some had been collected in the library, no matter how wide his fathers net was, he'd never catch everything. Something would always slip through the cracks, at time on purpose, other times on accident. This was one of the former, rather than the latter. "I'd not ask you to do that, regardless of it was then or now - we'd doomed if we were at the hut, sure, but here I do have servants." Was that too stern? Too cold? Yujin couldn't even believe those words fell from his lips like pearls from a dying clam, it all seemed freakishly foreign with his happy go lucky attitude all but buried beneath a sterner exterior, reminiscent of a time that he neither could recall, nor could he force Richard to endure. It no longer existed. "For being clingy and useless. The clinginess won't change, but I am tired of being an airhead." Something about Richard liking him came to mind - him never changing, for better or worse, so someone else - selfish as they both were - had some sort of familiar spot to return to, in times of turmoil. Did he long for that? A life of sameness, without the othering? His questions were chased by a wave of pain, Yujin felt like an old man, his bones worn and nerves frayed. "That's because I am." Who wouldn't be? About the best or worst moment of their life? This here could go two ways, neither of which were favorable to at least one of them. Laying low was all he did the past few years, and he'd not gleened a single usable thing from it. "No need, but I want to hold your hand ... we do that a lot, especially when-" Yujin shut himself up, a blush creeping upon his face as he seemingly thought back to much more simpler, more carnal times. Bad idea. "We shouldn't get everyone on our trail, so maybe no handholding."

"If I was still the same person you grew to like, I would have probably already punched him in the face.", Richard told Yujin honestly. He would have been too rash, too angry on Yujins behalf. He would have punched Quan in the face, then Xu and only then would he have thought about the consequences of his actions for himself and for Yujin. He would have probably made it much worse and maybe he did that now too. "I've been careful, I avoided your brother and told the guards I wanted to see if any ship bore news of my brother." het got Yujin up to speed, not that he had to collaborate that story. "I don't really know why I ran after Quan... or how, to be honest." He didn't think about it and when he was it was way too late. After asking Quan he kind of needed to see it through and he also needed to tell Yujin all he knew eventually. He wouldn't have told him tonight if they didn't meet per chance, but fate wished it so apparently.

"Servants that you don't want to know how you are feeling right now.", Richard corrected Yujin. This was out of character for him too, he'd never ask anyone for help, not because he was prideful, but because he didn't want to be a burden to anyone. Asking his servants for something seemed to outlandish, even though he had every right. "You've never been useless to me." Richards tone got a bit more serious. Yujin maybe had troubles recognizing himself and Richard knew how it felt, but he was not useless. "You're the only reason I even made it out of bed and started talking again and back then you also helped me a lot, by just being annoying and not letting me push you away." Yujins expression shifted again and Richard reached out to help him and too some of his weight onto his own shoulders. "When...?", Richard asked as Yujin abruptly stopped his own sentence. "So we stay away from each other?" It was Yujins call, Yujins plans to make. Richard still didn't feel like himself either, being this submissive and having no strong opinions himself. Well at home, he mostly let Dayan decide what stupid adventure they'd go on too.

"And now that I am ... whatever is this is, I would very much like to beat both of them up. But we can't have that, not right now. Let's save the revenge fantasies for later.", Yujin tried to be calm about it, even when his blood boiled dangerously hot within his veins. There was no excuse for any of this, there never had been, but there always was something someone could come up with, wasn't there? Right now, he was the one that had to come up with a farce, good enough to mask all of this. "But it didn't?", he quizzed Richard, simply to get their story straight and not draw shifty blanks when he didn't need them. Sure, Richard would tell him about any letter, but he didn't actually go to the harbor to begin with, he went into the opposite direction. "Desperation and adrenaline, probably. It's one hell of a mixture, even if it only works so well for so long.", Yujin suggested, putting his thumb below his chin and his pointer on it - he was thinking about something, biting his lip, not in pain this time. What else could there be? If Richard were anything like back then, surely he'd have beat Quan up already, or at least slapped him for being such an idiot, right? But no, he was sweet and weak, much like himself last time - their roles were reversed now.

"Good point. They'd probably tattle on me, on purpose or not. It's like blood in shark infested waters." Silesse was much too cold for any sort of predator like that to roam the waves, salt hungrily lapping away at ice, carved by both time and the constant changing of tides. One day Silesse would be no more, likely superseded by the ocean. In its state, there'd be nothing but the vast depths leading nowhere. "I was at least once. But it's alright, I don't expect you to tell me that to my face, even if I were.", Yujin corrected him with a smile, mixing old and new into one person he couldn't recognize either. There was a glint in his eyes now and the world felt more tangible, not hollowed out and stuffed with cotton. Had he really spent the last few years as a shadow of his former self? He couldn't even believe himself right now. "Yes. You needed someone, something you knew - and I didn't even recognize you enough to still be hung up on all that I felt when you left. But it's not like I don't need you - you made life out here more bearable, despite the constant scowl on your face." The pain could kiss his ass, but he took Richards help, whom he pulled closer after all. Sure enough he was relying on him again. "... we slept with each other." As if their hands were made to be interlinked, eternally so. "It would probably be the smartest idea, but I also fear that if we don't interact at all, it would be weird. And I can't really get around right now without help. Ugh. This is annoying." Had his old man facilitated that on purpose? Even if not, it seemed a tab bit too convenient. "Besides, I miss you. It's so lonely in my bed.", he whined all of a sudden, not taking this too seriously after all. "I'll try to walk on my own, I think that's the best bet."

"I think I'm over those...", Richard mumbled. He knew where they could lead and he probably didn't press this enough or talked too much about it, not in a way that made sense. He just blamed himself for what happened to Nayantai and him, as people did when they had no fault of their own, except he did. "Nope, no letter." The chances of one actually arriving today, the one day where he didn't want one, were very very slim, so that was probably fine. "Maybe I should go back out tomorrow then, wait by the harbor a bit." To make it more believable perhaps, even though saying it made him realize that he didn't want that at all. He didn't want to be stared at, he didn't want to be cold and he didn't want to be alone out there. "I doubt I would have done it for myself. Though I was probably being selfish there anyway." Like always when he asked questions about Yujins past, in the end he just wanted to know for himself and decided for Yujin that he also wanted to know.

"And they'd tell.", Richard added. He knew how these things worked. "If I told you that before, then the reason I can't even recall it is that I didn't mean it. I was just an ass back then because I wanted to push you away, or get some reaction, or a fight.", Richard sighed. Yujin should stop beating himself up, at least that didn't change. "Because you're insane. I wouldn't have stuck around either of my personalities... if that changed by the way, that is fine. I'll still take you to Adrestia if you want to come." Now he was sounding more and more confident that that would even happen. Dayan would put his brother before anything else though, right? When Yujin finished his sentence, Richards cheeks turned red for a moment. He didn't think he'd just blurt something like that out, but he wasn't wrong. "Oh.", was all he said. "Hey wait, you do remember more now." The realization came a bit late and he also wondered how much of that time Yujin did recall and explore now that he had access to it again. "I mean we haven't spoken since the dinner, would it be so weird?", he wondered, only to be struck by a 'I miss you'. Richard missed Yujin too and sharing a bed with him sounded incredibly inviting right now after this day and after talking and being on the same side. "Technically it's safer to stick together and everything worked out fine before too." Well who knew why Shuren invited Yin when he did, but maybe the reason was more so to appease her father. Richard slowly let go of Yujin who wanted to walk on his own. "Do you still want me to accompany you to your room?"

"Perfect, more room for my own, then.", Yujin responded. He didn't have any that were big enough to cause trouble be complicated, much less did he understand why he should even harbor such sentiments even now, but he knew that bitter medicine was often one of the hardest pills to swallow for anyone - he had had plenty of his own, had he not? Right now, he was the one that was waiting for others to mess up to swoop in and go for the kill, only figuratively. "It's been a while since you sent those." Not that Richard needed any reminder, Yujin just figured word from beyond the sea would do him good, especially from the father he seemed to miss more than anything in the world, despite being so cold and harsh to him before. Yujin remembered bits and pieces of it, of all the little things that he had shoved at the back of his mind, bunched together in a box named for Richard and then never been able to access again, as if someone had whisked away those keyes of his that were guaranteed to let him back in. No more of that. The keys were his to keep. "How about a walk around the harbor instead? Given I can walk." The possibility was there, for better or worse it had to be. "You're such an odd one, you know? You had plenty of your own issues last time and instead, you dove into mine, too. But it helped."

Without Richards nosiness he'd not be here right now, like this. "We can't have that." Them telling, that was. "Oh, I know. I didn't know then, it was like I was blind and dense at the same time - oblivious. But thinking back on those little shreds, you were trying to get any sort of reaction from me. And I gave you the most idiotic one." Not on purpose, but Yujin could fake the act now, he was convinced himself that he had done well for himself in that regard and would be able to execute the air of idiocy well enough, after being forced into that role for who knew how long. "Insane? Sounds right. Also, are you kidding? I said what I said, my memories don't change that. What are you even going to do if I say you have to marry me, since you never gave me back that pendant? That counts as accepted, right?", he asked teasingly, boasting a smile that couldn't be softer. Insane enough to marry someone like Richard, despite all their ups and downs? Yujin felt as if he had simply crawled onto cloud nine all of a suden. "Yeah, oh." A snicker. "I haven't taken my medication in forever, since it seems to double as a painkiller or something the pain is normal and expected, but if memory loss as a side effect - temporary - then that would make sense." If it wasn't that, what else could it be? Yujin simply being an idiot? That, too, would make enough sense given the recent years, but now it was more like an impossible puzzle, presented to the man that forgot he made it. "I guess not. There's worse." His fathers were well aware he loved a man he shouldn't love and he'd continue to do so without asking anyone. "Mhm. Sticking together it is, then.", he hummed, trying to stand on his own, trying to ignore the pain as he took a few steps - it worked well enough. "We can go there, or yours. I do miss the kittens, too.", he mumbled, a slight admission of guilt for not even bothering to check in on them.

"Don't let it cloud your judgement." Yujin wasn't wholly serious, but Richard was all of a sudden. He learnt from his mistakes and he didn't want Yujin to regret something too. "I can't remember either journey here but it took us months to get back to Adrestia. Now a ship is faster but they don't sail regularily...", Richard sighed. Additionally the letter needed to make it there first and then back. Maybe he'd get an answer to his first letter soon, maybe Nayantai would write him too. According to what he wrote then he simply told Dayan that he was feeling better, regrettably. There was no need for him to come check on him. "Together? Hm... I don't really know if I want to go outside again, but to be honest, it's not much better to be in here. So I went to the harbor and I was cold and I didn't want to wait alone and there was only one person I could crawl back to to ask to come with me and maybe it means nothing at all." And they were totally not plotting an escape or anything."Maybe I just wanted someone else's issues over mine. And maybe I was on a little bit of a justice trip for obvious reasons. Still am..." His family was murdered and he wanted justice for that and thus he sought it out everywhere else too.

"I wanted you to leave me alone for the most part. And then you fell down a cliff and dragged me down with you." That was the version Richard told anyhow. Wait, was that rude given Yujin might not actually remember? The joke was lost on him. "I mean, maybe I shoved you a little bit. But you've also been clumsy." Their first night together, how silly they were and how good it was to talk about old, good memories like that. Maybe he worried for no reason. Yujin turned out to be still a bit ridiculous too, talking about marriage suddenly. He wasn't wrong. Richards face reddened, then softened and he smiled. "I'm glad I didn't lose it." Dayan found it and brought it back to Richard, he was surprised they didn't just discard his sword, along with the pendant. "Well now I have no excuses to be someone else anymore..." Something Richard wanted to believe, simply to push himself further. Maybe it was a dumb idea to stick together again, but Richard didn't want to say good night yet. "Mine then, I want to show you something. Nothing bad this time.", he interjected and for once he matched Yujins pace and not the other way around while he himself felt oddly excited and alive. Once at his room he let Yujin in and then closed the door behid himself. The curtains around his bed were almost always shut because he didn't like the bright ice walls, or rather the fact that one could see movement through it, even if it was thick. The cats were hiding in there as always. "Sit.", he told Yujin adding him to the heap, then vanished again to rummage through some of this things in the corner of the room. He came to join Yujin shortly after, crawling into bed too, with something hidden in his sleeve. "You know... I had a realization today. When I left for Adrestia I had been making my peace with the world, I was adamant to die there and join my family together with Nayantai. Ugh, this is gloomy, but I promise it gets better. I... well I didn't die, I should have died twice, but I am still here and any further day is a bonus, you know? I wasn't afraid of death then and maybe that was a bit idiotic, but all this fear, this paralyzing fear, it doesn't make sense and I can go outside if I set my mind to it. Anyway, I wasted a lot of time and I am still recovering and I am still not who I want to be, but if I die tomorrow, I don't want to have any regrets." This was a long winded monologue about himself, he realized this. "Anyway, I've been working on something for a while and maybe it's not the right time, maybe it's too early, maybe I should wait until I am better, but I don't want to wait anymore. Here." The last word was spoken quickly, like ripping a bandaid off. Richard pulled out the pendant he'd been making for the past couple weeks, months even. He started over about ten times, he read a lot about symbolisms and techniques and all that and he probably cut his fingers dozens of times. It was done though, for a while now, he just kept it hidden. It depicted a sun and a moon intertwined and Yujin could decide for himself who was what, because Richard found points in both directions.

Yujin took preciously few things at face value at times or misunderstood most of them on purpose - regardless of what happened, all he could do was hope for the best. Now that he had gotten over that awkward phase, he was finally free to see world with his own eyes, one that didn't necessarily love him as much as he loathed it, but even then, those things were mutually exclusive either way. "You're much better at making stories up than I am, I'll give you that.", he praised Richard, without having necessarily a real reaosn to. Why would he? Nothing mattered when it came down to it and the two of them getting along as they did was, after all, a blessing in disguise nobody had ever asked for. "You'll never change, not deep down. That's reassuring, even if you are a bit too nosy for your own good.", Yujin reprimanded him and was about to actually reach out for Richard as they ventured beyond the border from the hallway to his room, yet left it be as he became part of the intricately crafted backdrop of his bed - the kittens were sleeping, soundly at that, while Yujin sat there, like a misplaced teddy bear, among a few things, notably blankets and pillows, half obscured by curtains that were mainly closed. However long it took Richard, he could always wait for him, regardless of what it meant to either one of them. He had said that once before and he'd not ever take it back.

"You did a pretty bad job at that.", laughter followed his every word like ink clinging to the letters it bore witness to, then was smeared across a page for. "I just so happened to hold onto you. All is well that ends well, eh?" Did he recall all of that? No, it was a misty blotch still but it had been so long, yet so memorable, Yujin could at least make out the most important parts of it all, like a puzzle someone had eaten parts of yet left the outline with some blotches behind. "And I'm glad you brought it back. I know if I had just asked you outright, you probably wouldn't have said yes to begin with. Still, sorry for just forcing it onto you like that." Was that really and truly a heartfelt apology? Yujin didn't know, hell, he probably didn't know half of the stories Richard could tell him about their time together but yet again, this was enough. Sitting here, among Richards things, being close to him, smelling just a little bit of him right now was enough to lift his spirits, enough to pique his interest when the blonde started rummaging for something that Yujin couldn't make out from where he sad. They both were nosy to a fault, infallible idiots that could not and would not stay put, regardless of what they stood to lose for it in turn. Yujin chuckled at the command, an odd tone he hadn't heard in a while, yet followed it as he pulled his legs into the bed, trying to find a good position for his leg. "You're making vast progress in so little time and I'm glad death didn't claim you - it had no right to, not when I'm here, at least in my books. I'm just glad that you're seeing it like this ... and no, there will be no dying tomorrow, you hear me?" Once again his tone seemed playfully, almost childish at times but Yujin meant it as he sat there, taking Richards words into account. No one was dying anytime soon. "Hm?" He tilted his head a bit as he received a gift that made his heart stop, then drop to his stomach, then it fluttered with excitement, as if kickstarted once more. The feeling that surged within him seemed overwhelming, uncontainable in its existence - all the pain seemed to disappear as he beheld what Richard had foisted upon him, poured his love into. Yujin's mouth hang open, he likely looked stupid, but he didn't care - it felt like fireworks were exploding within him as he lept forward, into Richards arms, knocking him down against the blankets, the pillows and the mattress altogether and burying him in his embrace. This time he was the inconsiderate one, showering Richard in one kiss after another, never going further than his hands or face, not wanting to spook him, all the while being so happy he could explode into a thousand bloody bits. "I love you. You're everything I could've ever asked for.", he managed to insert inbetween his assault, gently whisking the pendant from Richard as to not break it while he couldn't see himself stopping anytime soon. What was that about puppy love again?

"I think I inherited my nosiness from my dad." Though maybe that wasn't the right word, he just liked learning things, not poke his nose into other peoples business all the time. Richard was his own person, he knew that, sometimes he just wished he'd inherited more good properties of both of his fathers instead of being an angry or scared, depending on the day, little idiot all the time. "I almost froze to death.", Richard smiled. Yujin was alright with the cold, but him? He hadn't even worn warm clothes back then, because he didn't want to fit in. "It's alright. It kept me good company, it gave me strength and miraculously nobody struck at it and it's still in one piece." Storing the pendant on the sheath of his sword was definitely not the safest place, but he liked it there and Yujin made it way too big to just wear. Maybe Richard was also a bit embarrassed by it. He must have looked so stupid to his dad.

"I'm not intending to die anytime soon.", Richard answered Yujin. He thought about it for a good while and even back when he got here the first time he worked so hard to go on a grand suicide mission, but now he just wanted to be with Yujin, in peace, away from here. Getting all of what he wanted to say out was hard and he realized he didn't say much about Yujin or how much he loved him or what made him so incredible. This had been a terrible speech and Yujin just sat there for a moment, looking at the gift. Suddenly however he sprung into motion, tackling Richard and showering him with kisses. "I...", he stuttered before his voice softened. "I love you too." There was a lot of self doubt, but Richard didn't want to think about it now. He just wanted to give this to Yujin, just in case it was his last chance for whatever reason. "Why don't you give me a real kiss?"

"I'll have to take your word for it." No wonder Richards father fell for that man then - were all the wolves that ever met a sheep interested in them solely because they were this curious and prone to probing? Yujin didn't want an answer for that, not at the moment when he was content indulging himself in what he already had. Falling for Richard was his own fault and the culprit, caught redhanded at the scene of the crime, was more than willing to indulge in his spoils for staying persistent. Wasn't this wonderful? "I wouldn't have let you.", Yujin joked. Neither of them were to die from plunging into some pitchblack waves, or from losing a coat that meant a bit too much to a single man. Back then, he didn't quite understand but now, thinking back on it, all the while he was peppering this man with copious amounts of his affection, he could see why it annoyed him. "Mh, it's more like a keepsake and a good luck charm at this point, isn't it? I should make you a better one, now that I know what I'm doing. I never got to see your reaction to it and I never asked if you liked it in the first place. Maybe the forget-me-nots were a bit too much?" All he had to go off of had been illustrations in some of the libraries books, not that those grew down here - it would've been nice, still.

"Good. Me neither.", Yujin clarified. This meant they either had to kill someone themselves - something Yujin would be fine with for a split second - or flee into Richards brothers arms, which was the easier method. Nothing could stop them from just trying one and finding out the other was better, but death was an irreversible factor regardless. As he lost himself in the madness of wanting to cover every splotch of skin Richard was showing him without being too needy, which was impossible, he wanted to take more and more and more, like he was entitled to it in the first place. Taking every ounce of restraint he had, he held himself back and looked at Richard with a puzzled look as he demanded but one thing. A smile fell upon Yujins lips, eager as they were. "Oh? Aren't these good enough?", he teased him, but complied nonetheless. Crawling over, careful to not put too much weight on one leg over the other, he plastered his lips on Richards own, much like the lovedrunk idiot he was before all of this. Some things wouldn't change, even as Yujin tested uncharted waters.

"The only reason my dads ended up together was him being so curious and wanting to talk to Nayantai, who was a prisoner at the time, you know? And then when he came to Thria he learned about the culture and all that..." Richard meanwhile was more after gossip, mysteries and crime. He made an attempt to fit in at some point, but he hardly earned his spot here. He hunted a bear, that was it, he never contributed anything to this place, besides some fur Nayantai got to trade for something else. "Even your blood can't replace a fire.", Richard chuckled. Richard knew he already managed to deal with more cold than most others, especially Adrestians, but even Thrians had a hard time surviving here. Richards mother was from around here somewhere presumably and hot blood also went through the Fhaergus bloodline. Maybe not his father, but definetly his grandfather. Maybe the combination did the trick and even he could bear the cold here. "Maybe I don't want another one. I've looked at it every night before going to bed. You almost made me turn back..." And he would have been better off for it.

Yujin was still overbearing and loving, it was nice that didn't change. Richard shouldn't have judged him too much when he was in pain like that and right now it seemed better at least. Quan just got into his head saying something like Richard not knowing the old Yujin. So what? He knew him now and unless he was proven otherwise, there was no reason to doubt him. Some crankiness wasn't the end of the world either. He looked up at him, saw that smile and smiled back. He wanted to be close to Yujin the whole evening, but it wasn't the right moment, but now? His heart fluttered as Yujins lips met his own, less erratic and easier to concentrate on. His whole body started tingling as if it was their first kiss and he raised his hand to Yujins cheek. He softly pulled him back when he tried to leave. They were like magnets, the stronger they were pulled apart, the greater the force when they got back together it seemed and Richard felt stupid for wasting so much time, but equally as stupid for throwing his caution to the wind, immediately discarding the idea of keeping appearances in turn for being close to Yujin again. Still he pulled back a little eventually stopping himself with red cheeks and elevated breath. "Sorry... how's your leg?", he asked, remembering to be considerate.

"Prisoner? What kind of romance novel did your fathers get out of?" Again with cracking lighthearted jokes that didn't seem to hit anywhere except a wall that he picked out himself. Richard was being a sweetheart, which Yujin enjoyed, even if he missed the anger and flame a little bit, he'd never confess to it, not when he could enjoy this all the same. "You know, maybe it's the other way around for us. I'm the curious one that wanted to talk to the stranger that wound up here. Fortunately, he was more bark than bite.", he giggled. Never once would he downright mock his beloved, even if he had every reason for it once upon a time. Richard wouldn't leave him again - Yujin would make him his prisoner if he had to, not only with a metaphorical shackle of love. As they assembled their puzzle from scattered pieces, the true colors seemed to shine through bit by bit, creating a mosaic that blinded them both, shielded their eyes from all that their partner could ever dare do wrong. "Mhm. But a hug is good enough for starters." The kitten he had once called Richard, squeamish and skittish, had long since left all the rude mannerisms behind, seemingly finding the likes of someone like him worthy enough to let Yujin tame him. "Almost ... I suppose that is good enough. I can't believe you fell for me this hard."

Richard could've sent him away, tried to actually get his slimy paws off of him, not respect any part of Yujin but never once had he done that. They had fostered a friendship and then fanned flames that Yujin ignited, only because Richard was so cute to him - like a kitten after all. Some things really never changed and as his heart lept apart from his chest, out into the open like a fish against a waterfall, trying to cross the impossible, he found himself even more lovestruck than before. Dusky color misted his cheeks and warmth surged thereafter, eating through the pale complexion that the pain had left. Yujin wrapped his arms around Richard then let himself fall to the side - he pressed their foreheads together, his eyes peering into those of his lover, awash with embarrassment he hadn't felt in a long time. What did it matter? To him, being close was all that was important, even if it was only like this. This being more than enough. "Still hurting but not that badly ... but that's not important right now, it's manageable." He could lose himself in those doe brown eyes any day. "I missed this."

"I don't think it was a very good time for either of them.", Richard answered. It was a different time, a different place, one where Thria was on the brink of being destroyed and one were weakness was exploited easily. Maybe a war would be easier to deal with than all these lies around them however, much as the secrets in Adrestia seemed so much more dangerous then a simple knife. "I guess my family tends to end up in curious places with curious people." Not how he'd describe Lucien, but they were a strange couple too, none anybody saw coming. "Will there ever be a place where we both are comfortable with the temperatures?", Richard asked with a smile. He liked the bath, Yujin got dizzy there, Yujin liked the cold of the castle, Richard was hurt by the air if it hit his skin directly. Though with all these scars his nerves were fried along with the skin, at least the burning stopped. "You pulled me out of my misery after all. Twice now. Well I wouldn't say I am healed, but you know what I mean..."

Yujin turned on his side, pulling Richard with him, this was probably easier on his leg. He returned his gaze, placing another kiss on Yujins lips. "I'm sorry for having been so difficult for this long." They kissed before, but this felt different. Aside from that there was only cuddling, so much cuddling and Richard felt bad for being unable to trust Yujin enough. It wasn't Yujins fault of course, nor was it Richards, but still. Right now his mind wandered to all those moments they spent together, his cheeks red. Yujin was the first man he slept with and he remembered faking that he had any idea about it and Yujin being nice enough to not call him out on it. What ignited this sudden urge to be close to him? Closer than this. The threat looming over them both suddenly being more real and tangible? The fact that Yujin finally got angry and Richard wanted some of it, because it was what kept him alive before? Or maybe it was the fact they both agreed to stay away from each other when they didn't want to and immedietly felt like breaking their new rule. Richard could think of a million more reasons, some not that sinister at all. Maybe he just was reminded how much he loved Yujin and how short life could be. He didn't want to waste it, that's why he gace the pendant to Yujin today. Either way though, Richard gulped and looked back at Yujin. His hand wandered to the others clothes, just grabbing them for now, not yet tugging. "Do you mind?", he asked him carefully. Yujin had a lot on his plate right now and Richard would accept a no without any qualms.