bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

Inviting this guy into his home might have been the first mistake he made, but definitely not the last. All in all, he wasn't quite fond of anything that was going on - not here, not out there, not elsewhere or even within his own mind, but what mattered was that he at least tried his earnest. Who would earnestness save? Not his own skin, Quan had made sure of that, and he wouldn't want it any other way - he deserved what was coming for him, on account of thinking others also deserved what was coming for them. "Is he? Do you really think Muhan has that much of a choice, either? I really don't care about those two, if I'm honest, but I feel pity for Yujin. Also, it's not Shuren drugging him. Do you even know who makes his medication?", Quan barked with laughter, as if he was letting Richard in on the palace most well maintained secret. Perhaps it was. If not, then so be it - Xu was too stupid for this kind of craft, he always had been, could barely follow even the most detailed of recipes, but he somehow made it work. Not having his fathers genes surely contributed to his lack of ability in a field not braved by the other man. Shuren and Muhan were too reliant on one another to complete each other, weren't they?

"King? Of a mount of ice like this? Xu has set his sights elsewhere, you can figure where - he told me his father was the same, but I figure his father is simply smarter in figuring out who to make an enemy out of and who not.", he mumbled, finishing his drink as he spilled his words like tea over a tray. Was there more intricacies he knew? No, not that he needed to hand Richard everyhting on a silver platter either. What was there for him to gain from any of this anyhow? "We both hurt him, you idiot." Was he ever trying to deny his envolvement in any of this? Not when he had a chance to come clean, surely, even when he wanted to, nobody would let him - Xu had control over him that Quan never wanted to give him, yet it had come about as natural as the desire to end it all from time to time. What was there to gain from living if he couldn't do so by his own means? "If I were a coward, I'd never have agreed to any of this! And besides, I already know that playing his stupid game will get me nowhere, not here, not now, not tomorrow, not in a hundred years.", Quan huffed, but there came something else after. Now it was time to come clean, and if he didn't want to, he could send Richard away - but wanting to was exactly what it was that he wanted, which sounded odd, even in his head, while being the unadultered truth that kept slipping through his fingers, seemingly stiffer than ever. "I'm an orphan, I didn't know my parents. Nobody ever really bothered with me, I don't know why. The only person that even looked my way was Xu and even he was told to stay away from me - I never belonged, and it felt horrid, made my skin crawl. Xu didn't care, you know? He was just a kid, like me. We played, and I finally felt like I belonged. I felt whole, no longer discarded, unwanted. He dragged me everywhere, brought me things I never could have afforded by myself, made sure I was alright. It was much of the same when we were teens, and at some point I fell for him, hard. Always, every single time when he quizzed me on what I wanted to be when I got older, he told me I could stay by his side, he needed a righthand man when he became king one day and I believed him. I loved him. I thought he loved me back. But he started to change eventually, when they told him he couldn't be king, when he found out that by birthright, the crown is anyone's but his - the elders said that, and Shuren can't change that. All that I loved turned to dust, he was bitter and became obsessed - and at some point, he used my idiocy and love for him against me - he told me, if I wanted to be with him, he needed to be king or they'd marry him off, I'd never see him again. I didn't want that, believed that the Xu I fell for, my savior, was still somewhere under that new exterior, so I did everything he asked of me. Spent time with Yujin, who I resented for the fact that he existed, for making Xu the person he is by proxy, and eventually, I dragged him out there, into the snowy plains, because Xu wanted it. He told me to lie. That this way, we could finally be together. I was a foolish teen, much like now, and just believed him. But I wasn't like him, I fucked up, I failed because I got cold feet. It saved Yujins life and made me doubt Xu, who had picked some girl over me by then - I should've seen that sooner, but I didn't. I felt bad, so I stayed by Yujins side, knew he'd hate me for what I had done, but by then, he was already so out of it that he didn't even remember. When I tried to tell him what I did, though? Xu made it clear that he would have my head sooner than later. That's why. I figured if I stayed close to Yujin, and Xu tried something stupid, I could at least protect him, but ... well, I don't think he'd try a conventional method."

"A choice? Everybody has a choice, always. Sitting idly by without trying to do something is as much a choice as springing into action. Muhan lets all of this happen and Shuren does too. Who cares who makes this medicine, they are all complicit, none of them are this stupid when even I, an outsider with a whole heap of own problems, could figure most of this out on my own.", Richard answered. Of course Muhan had a choice, he wasn't a child, he was a grown up man, someone that probably could take on most of the people around him. He chose not to do that, he chose to watch his son trying to kill his brother, he saw Shuren playing stupid, childish mind games and he watched as Yujin was simply fooled by everyone around him. He spent not a second during their time together every day to remind Yujin of his fiancé, or took his time to tell him beforehand that she would be visiting. No, he waited until Shuren made a fool of both his son and Richard, for now reason but to be cruel. If Yujin was married off somewhere else, maybe he'd be safe, but that message did certainly not come across like that, not how he sent it and there was no reason to keep Richard in the dark either, so make him sit there with all these people, just to be humiliated. He didn't need to invite him, but he did, knowing what it meant.

"If you or Xu think he'd get far in Adrestia, you are wrong and your queen might not have the best relations with the rest of her family, but that doesn't mean Adrestia would just watch as Thria started another war. What is being played here is stuff for children over where I come from." His siblings died, his father shaken down to his core and Richard was basically a living corpse at this point. If it was someone in Adrestia that wanted their brother dead, they'd not live like this for years, mocking each other instead of doing what they seemingly wanted all along. It wasn't a well hidden secret that Xu might have had his hand in the matter if even Nayantai came to that conclusion. "I don't have to explain myself to you. I left to fight my own battles, battles he didn't need to be involved with. I didn't lure him somewhere, almost killed him and broke him for the rest of his life. I did what I did for my family and for my country, not for my insane lover." He wasn't like Quan, not at all and if he had more strength left, well maybe he'd just face Xu head on and stop all of this. Eventually everything spilled out of Quan and Richard listened, more and more unimpressed by the reasons this man lay bare in front of him, almost unapologetically. Richard wasn't an orphan, he grew up rich, with everything he ever could have wanted, so maybe he could never understand what Quan was talking about and yet it were still excuses for his actions, instead of owning up for what he did to Yujin. "He didn't try anything for years and Yujin clearly has no interest in the throne. You still think Yujin's in danger? What saved him this far then?" Richard just wanted to know, he wanted all the facts. He probably couldn't change much, but maybe he could just go back to Adrestia and take him with him. If he laid low in Fhaergus, or just hidden away somewhere, or maybe his aunt would take him in, then maybe he'd know peace eventually.

"That's what you think. Just because it's different wherever you came from doesn't mean it's the same here - if you wholeheartedly believe that it is, that it's this easy for everyone to always cut their ties, it's naive and idiotic at the same time. I guess that's why you're a good fit for him.", he huffed. Richard started pissing him off - his entire attitude did. What a leech he was, and yet, Quan wasn't any better - the two of them fit with one another, as they did with the men they picked as their partners. Mudslinging seemed to be in order, not for them but for everyone around them, and if that meant they wound up on different sides of history, Quan couldn't even say he was surprised - he didn't want to stick with Xu, not once, but he didn't feel like he had much of a choice either way. What was there, if not someone trying to be complicit, someone making a fool of himself when they very well could just leave it all be? His gaze soon scrutinized the stranger that wore an acquaintances skin like its own, questioned little but its own integrity and wondered why it was Richard he chose to confide his troubles in, if it could simply be Yujin himself who had a right to hear this and, at the same time, sort of needed to hear it as well.

"Are you dense? I never said Adrestia. He's wants Thria for himself. Plain as that. And what do you mean started another war? Might I remind you it was Adrestia last time? Aren't you both Adrestian and Thrian? How little respect do you have for the country you hide and rot away in?" Adrestians were all the same - they did what was convenient for them, all the time, every single moment that they breathed, they would much rather fuck up one anothers lives than their own. There was nothing else going on in their empty skulls it seemed, and Quan, who was maybe one of the luckier ones, couldn't listen to any of this senseless blabbering any longer, not from himself or the dumb lamb he'd invited into his home. "I also don't need to explain myself to you. This matter doesn't involve you, simple as that - if Xu ever figures out we talked about this in the first place I won't be the only one that's going to suffer for it, but I can live with that. Question is, can you live with someone like that, so close by? Aren't you scared, huh?" Playing midngames would get him nowhere, quite honestly, but it got him into one direction - out of this conversation he no longer wanted to lead, and if anything, to save his own hide, he could always tattle on Richard - he was sure someone like Xu would appreciate the earnesty, even if it would cost Quan his tongue, or maybe his hearing, for being a disobedient mess. Maybe that was preferable. "I don't owe you any further of an explanation than this. Figure it out yourself. I said too much already. Scram."

"All of you just want everything all the time. Sometimes that doesn't work. Sometimes you have to choose between your friends, or between your sons or between your family and the people you care about." If Shuren just let go, if he would let Yujin live his life elsewhere. If they would let him make his own decisions and not force him to obey his brother who had no right to treat him that way, just so they could keep both under the same roof. "Are you dense?", he asked Quan back. "Adrestias king is your queens nephew. You think one would just sit and watch without involving themselves if some guy from buttfuck nowhere came along to claim the throne for himself?" Yujin never managed to make Richard this angry and maybe that had been a mistake. Anger was what gave him strength before, what made him survive, what made him train so hard to be able to avenge his family and now Quan was pulling his family into the mud. "Do you think I'd let someone kick my fathers legacy into the mud by letting them start another war? Do you think my brother would? Neither us nor our parents started a war, but they sure enough ended it and certainly not for some overzealous idiot to try and stir trouble again!"

To hell with Quan knowing or not knowing who exactly Richard was, besides a half breed that somehow managed to get taken in by Shuren and the rest of them. He wouldn't let anyone treat his fathers legacy like that, the war they both fought and now that the king died everybody seemed to think they could just take whatever they wanted. If not for Yujin and if not for the fact that his father always preached compassion and kindness, he'd very much like to burn this place to the ground himself, if only for a few moments until the cold winds cooled down Richards hot blood he definitely didn't share with Nayantai, but it could seem so to others, if they knew him years ago. "Neither of you know the first thing about suffering or being scared.", he let out between grid teeth as he got up. Fine, Quan wanted to be an asshole about it. Richard didn't care much about him, he had no pity for someone who lied for this long and still searched for excuses for his actions. Nobody was without fault, but he didn't own up to it whatsoever. "No you don't, but you owe Yujin a whole lot.", he told him. Richard wasn't much smarter than he was before their talk and he still didn't know if Yujin was in danger now still and how to circumvent any of it. He walked to the door anyway, got out and slammed it shut behind himself, with as much strength as he had left. His heart pounded, his ears rang, but he ignored it and instead got walking back to the other huts that were much closer together. Only once he found a corner, out of sight of Quans hut and most others, did he allow himself to rest. He coughed, his lungs burnt and his legs were shaking. He leaned against one of the wooden walls, catching his breath but not thinking too much about any implications. He needed to get back to the castle before anything else, there was no time for a break and he pushed on until he arrived back at the gates which were promptly opened for him. Now he only needed to make it back to his room.

Idling by wouldn't help him - he really didn't want to, actually. Today was another day that was much of the same - waking up, training, washing up, eating and then trying to figure out what to do with his anger before the next meal, or anything that was useful to him. Taking one walk of the other didn't help, but Yujin had had enough of that, wanted to prove himself to someone, if only himself, knew he was strong enough to protect ... what, exactly? His own dignity had been shattered and his parents were the same - useless to him, making him angrier by the day for refusing to speak on the matter. Yujin was sure he'd eventually let the anger take over, knew his body would betray him before his mind did and his medicine seemed less appealing by the day. Every single page of his journals he flipped through felt like a ghost had written it, like he had alienated himself from the angry, petulant child that claimed to be him inbetween the paper and ink, but now that he finally had reality at his beck and call dawning upon him, it only got worse. Over and over again. This sucked, everything sucked - and it was all his fault for being an idiot. What would he even do out there? Hunt for hopes and dreams somebody else had crushed underfoot? What a ridiculous assumption.

Being covered in snow and dirt was suboptimal, especially at this time of day, but Yujin made it work - he aimed arrows at whatever crossed his path and, by the end of it, had caught two birds that he dragged home. Not a proud kill, not a feasible one, but he dropped them off in the kitchen, like that was where they went in the first place - afterward, he dragged himself upstairs, to discard of some of his clothing ahead of time, then grab a fresh change before he dragged himself to the baths. His body hurt, every sinew was screaming words at him he couldn't understand, whispered in finalities he could hardly make out - they wanted him to stop, like that meant anything, and they needed him to take a break, like he could. Even once he discarded his clothes and sunk into the depths of warmth, the pain remained. Stronger than frostbite, harder than any gust whipping his face with certainty. The ache in his leg and his chest was almost unbearable at this point, he knew why, and he understood what they would bring, but he refused to take any more of that medicine. Yujin groaned, annoyed, as he leaned back and pressed against his leg, to make it stop jittering, to shut out the pain. Did the door just open? He could care less.

Richard couldn't avoid the guards, who surely noted that he came back with somewhat of relief. He avoided anyone else successfully and arrived at his room. He let himself down on his bed, holding his chest and breathing heavily. It had been a long walk but not only that, he wasn't sure what he was thinking when he stormed out like that and confronted Quan. It wasn't like he learned much new, but he probably poked a sleeping bear for no reason. And Yujin? He was nonthewiser and Richard could hardly tell him any of that, or should he? What if it put him in danger? He didn't want to lie to him too, but once he got word from his brother, maybe there was more he could do. Once he got Yujin out of here, maybe he could tell him everything for better or for worse. For now Richard let himself fall back on his bed, the cats swarming him while he stared at the icy ceiling, his thoughts racing and nothing making sense. Did he even believe himself what he had thrown into Quans face? That he didn't care if he died? That he'd protect Yujin? How would he do that? He could barely walk around town, it was still surprising to him that he even left and in the end, maybe Yujin didn't want to be protected. Not by him anyhow. Maybe marrying Yin was the safest option, but if it wasn't what he wanted, he shouldn't have to. To hell with politics.

Richard lay there for quite some time. He was still cold, as if the wind drilled holes inside of his bones, but his mind was to occupied to do much. None the wiser, eventually, he figured he'd feel much better after a warm bath. Down there he always felt better and even his mind was soothed a bit, though mostly he just missed about everyone. Yujin, Dayan, Nayantai, his father, his siblings, his home, everything. With a short groan he got up and gave the kittens some food before he left for the baths. Once there he opened the door, it was already dark outside so he figured nobody was here, but he was wrong. "Oh sorry, I..." He heard a groan. "Yujin...?", he wondered through the steam and to keep the cold air out, even though Yujin was always too hot here anyway, closed the door. "Are you okay?"

A moments notice of peace was all Yujin could ask for, just a tidbit, a chance to be for himself and not freeze or be in pain. Something was terribly wrong with him, he'd figured that out a while ago when everything started hurting, yet he rather took the pain than another one of those pills or some powder that was handed to him. In fact, he'd fed all of it to the next fireplace, to the plants, to anything he could find, even the snow, just to avoid taking it and not arousing any sort of questioning. Now that he leaned back, he realized just how much every muscle in his body strained, how bad off his leg was, actually. Not once had anyone mentioned something like that and while the warm water, surely helped, he couldn't help himself like this - taking the medicine was also out of question, he would rather take the pain, which threatened to overwhelm him at some point past this one, surely. While he found himself entrenched in thoughts he couldn't parse, in pain muddling his own anger and helplessness into something else, he bit his lip to stop his teeth from chattering, just as the door creaked open. What now? Some stupid attempt to smooth things over from one of his fathers?

The voice sounded like neither and the owner of it was almost intangible, until Yujin glanced over his shoulder at the very least and found that someone waited at the door, closing it behind him with less fanfare than he was able to make. "It's okay.", he huffed, trying to bite back even more of the pain that seemed to get worse with every passing second until it almost exploded, and then, it just ... stopped. Something lingered, then picked back up, and the thrumming of his old injuries continued, but never peaked, not when Yujin let go of his leg. "Hm? Mostly. Just a bit strained, I went out to hunt for a bit. I'm not used to that.", he elaborated his pain away, awarding Richard a shallow smile and a short chuckle, as if for a job well done. That was that. "You came here for a soak, huh? Do you want to join me?" Yujin couldn't offer anything else - he knew that putting any sort of weight on his leg now would only drive him nuts, much like the scar on his chest did, little by little. Still, how long would he stay in here to begin with? He could only stand the heat for so long.

Richard missed Yujin, he couldn't deny it. Even in Adrestia, when he threw everything away, he thought about him every night when Nayantai went to sleep and Richard instead looked to the stars for hours. Now was no different and he felt bad and stupid and all sorts of things, but he also knew that he was less selfish than the first time he just left. What he said to Quan wasn't true, he did what he did in Adrestia for himself, because he hoped it would make him feel better, not appease his long dead siblings. Now he was selfish again, worried for himself, his safety and he decided over Yujins head like everybody else did. "Did you catch something?", he asked innocently, still waiting by the door and upon being asked if he wanted to join, gave it a thought first. He wanted to, maybe not to be honest with Yujin, not now anyway, maybe just for a nice evening, not alone. There, he was selfish again, as all of them were for different reasons, none of them any good.

"Yeah, if you don't mind.", he finally decided, getting out of the clothes that were still damp and dirty down at the bottom, something that definitely didn't come from being inside the castle, but Yujin was also not able to see that from where he was with all the steam in here. Richard put the clothes aside, next to a set of fresh ones, then approached the pool of water and slowly went inside opposite of Yujin. The warm air already felt good, the water was even better. Even now Richard still felt cold, as if the warmth first needed to carve a path to his bones before he could finally feel his toes and fingertips again. Richard breathed in the warm air and leaned back, closing his eyes for just a moment. He felt like he needed to apologize for avoiding Yujin and for making it seem he blamed him for something that wasn't his fault. For not sticking with him and helping him, but at the same time, maybe Yujin just wanted to enjoy his bath too and rest for a bit.

Regardless of what would happen to him, he wanted Richard to be save, which meant he couldn't stay in this castle he refused to leave. Deep down he wanted to run away, be selfish, be the reason they left in the first place, wanted to see a world that had shut him out, from beyond a silessian border, but he knew as well as anyone that wishful thinking had never gotten anyone far in life. Actions mattered, many of them and running away from his responsibilities was worse than inaction, akin to treason instead. Who was it he committed treason against, then? Himself? Richard? Or someone he didn't even want to be part of that equation? Another question he found no satisfactory answer for, another moment of regret that lingered, as did glowing coal once the flames had been extinguished for good. "No, just tired, don't worry." None of this was contagious and while he loathed lying to Richard, it was the only thing he could do in that moment - he had lied to him before, without knowing, which was the sole reason for this. Making him worry about him was the last thing he wanted; after all, Richard needed to distance himself from all of this, from him, and Yujin was too much of an idiot to blame him for that, or question his integrity for folding like that.

"If it's fine with you I don't mind at all.", Yujin answered him with another smile, this time stitched onto his face like one would onto a plush toy to make it seem more alive than it actually was. Was there anything else he was capable of? The tides of the pool shifted after all, Richard stepped in, and as watched him, Yujin felt sorry. "How are you feeling?" Tiding himself over with stupid questions as the burning and throbbing sensations kept washing over him was as good as any distraction he could set up. Was that what Richard was? His distraction and escape from a life he didn't want to live, one he loathed because it had been picked out for him by someone he didn't respect? Yujins head hurt, he wanted to stop doubting all that he was and yet, it was like peeling away at paint - there was another layer beneath that finally seemed to glean a way through whatever it had been caked in and by the gods, it hurt to do anything about it. For a moment, he considered his possibilites but figured he could shut his hyperactive imagination off by simply dunking his head in water, which he promptly did, only to resurface in a few seconds. Shutting his eyes was even worse. "Not feeling like talking?"

For a moment Richard was confused by Yujins answer, then smiled and shook his head. "I meant if you brought something home to eat.", he corrected. Yujin didn't seem like himself, he seemed oddly mature and tired. He wasn't cheerful as he usually was, not overbearing and even though Richard knew he wanted to respect his boundaries, Yujin often times simply failed at that, but now? He seemed distant, which was only fair after they hadn't spoken for a while, but this was a different Yujin. Even if he were to not remember Richard, it usually was even more reason for him to be all over him. Maybe he still wasn't taking his medication, which was a good thing on paper, or maybe it wasn't if it pushed his brother to do something stupid. Or maybe Yujin was just tired and exhausted from a day outside hunting and simply wanted to relax. Richard had disturbed him and as before he had no right to just barge back into his life, after shutting him out without another word.

The blonde kneaded his fingers, still trying to warm them up, then looked across over to Yujin. He took a moment to ponder the question. "I don't know...", he mumbled with a sigh. "I'm uh... physically I am doing better I believe. I can bare visiting the library for a few hours without freezing too much." There was so much more, but Richard didn't know where to begin. "How are you? Aside from tired.", he returned the question, scrutinizing Yujins expression a little bit. Said man hid from him under water for just a moment, only to ask a somewhat odd question. Richard wasn't known for being very talkative in the first place, was he? Yujin was the one who rarely shut his mouth. "I didn't want to disturb you and... well I don't feel like I have to right to demand a conversation from you, when I so selfishly just shut you out. I'm sorry for having done that like I did."

"Oh ... Yes. Two birds. Nothing much. The kitchen has use of them, so all is well.", he responded, this time getting it into that narrow skull of his. Something was pulling and tearing and hurting someplace, maybe even screaming for attention but Yujin bunched it down, somewhere inbetween his other sorrows and the understanding that he misunderstood everything if he wanted to, yet had a functional brain that could, if it wanted to, it could claw itself out of that mess by itself. What even was wrong with his recently? It felt like the past was knocking at his door, collecting the dues he shirked to pay for a while, hoping he'd finally wire his brain in a way that would allow it to resurface, which never came to pass. Was he dumb now, or was he even dumber before all of this? His medication held him back, he was faintly aware, with a payoff that meant nothing but doubt and anxiety, pain and othering, something he had never sought out before and, quite clearly, wasn't a fan of now, either. Would this version of him even love Richard if he asked it to? Yujin felt like he was handing something off that he wanted to keep, but who was he to begin with?

"That's not good. But at least you're doing better in one way, the other one is sure to follow." Happiness wasn't something he earned outright by being nice, by not knowing and pretending to be a leaf, whisked about by the wind that billowed through the branches of trees higher than the likes of which he had ever seen. Life was full of ups and downs, this one was proof enough and so was Richards. "Mad. Annoyed at myself for being this stupid and for hurting you. Mad at my fathers for being pricks.", Yujin huffed, rightfully so. Neither of them were made for one another, they simply used themselves to fill a hole somebody else had left, punching each other into the middle of a puzzle they had no right to belong in and then, once they had deformed themselves to fit, it was too late to deny the other what they needed, or wanted. Still, they tried to be nice enough to one another. "It's ... it's alright. I don't blame you for what you did, not that I would have any right to. It's not like we can fix something that's already happened. But I don't intent on marrying Yin, you know. I figured I could run away instead, even if it makes me a coward." Finally, he moved, the water at least alleviating the pressure on the scars that made him grimace earlier - he closed the distance that separated them in a quick stride. "You look like you could use a hug."

"Maybe I'll get a bite of one of them tomorrow.", Richard smiled, tilting his head slightly. He wished for normalcy so much, for just more moments like this, talking about ones day, about a hunt and dinner or lunch, nothing much. None of it mattered, but it mattered to Richard. He felt warmer with Yujin around, but at the same time he felt like lying to him too now. He should tell him what he did today, not that there was much more information, but maybe this time Yujin would believe it too. He dismissed Xus involvement before and Quans too, maybe because he didn't want to believe it, or because he knew more than he said and knew it would only put him in more danger. If it was him and Dayan, he wouldn't believe it either, but Xu and Yujin never were this close, his whole family felt like they only kept up appearances, nothing more, but it wasn't his place to judge them, or hold his own in higher regards than Yujins.

"I think I'm making progress...", Judging by today he did. He left the castle, confronted Quan, even had a fight with him and claimed he wasn't scared of Xu or Shuren. Was that the truth? Doubtful, but he didn't want a fight, or fearing for anyone's life anymore, he just wanted some peace and quiet. "You didn't hurt me. I asked Ruoxe when the last time was you even saw Yin. I know you didn't remember. Shuren was the one setting this up and I haven't gone to my checkups since. He hasn't pressed me on them either. I'll just be keeping my distance.", he answered. Yujin still beat himself up and it wasn't like him to be this harsh. Often enough he felt bad for how he was and for his brain failing him, but never like this, he was rarely ever truly angry. "You're not a coward." Yujin came closer with confidence, just joining Richard who wasn't sure if it was fair to simply act like nothing happened. "I know you don't want to marry her. I wrote another letter to my brother. It'll take a while until I get an answer, but maybe it's possible for me to come home. I don't want to be here amongst all this intrigue. I don't know if I can stand being at home either, but what if this time, you just came with me?", he simply asked, skipping a few steps. If Yujin wanted to get away from here, why not? Richard grabbed Yujins hand, just holding it. "I've been unfair to you. Selfish. Multiple times over. If we agree that you have some blame, then I bare blame too, plenty more than you do and I apologize."

“If you want to that can be arranged.” Just like nothing had changed, that’s what they acted like. Yujin was tired of having this conversation in a language that was mostly spoken by those that seemingly hated him for no good reason, whereas the adrestian language seemed so much more welcoming to him. Maybe it was because of Richard, just him and nobody else, that he felt like that, but even if, he didn’t care much for it - he wanted this after all. Yujin still couldn’t smile, couldn’t force himself to do much of anything, really, but he was well aware that he was capable of at least one thing - being honest now, trusting Richard and letting him be by his side as he wanted to, even if the distance helped them understand one another better, or so it seemed. “See? I leave you alone once and you finally get the courage to branch out again, I’m glad to hear that you’re doing better.”, he chuckled, sounding amused by the revelation of nothing concrete, yet something substantial. As long as Richard was happy, Yujin was the same. It didn’t matter if they both could’ve benefited from staying together, it almost seemed as it this was a good shot in the dark. The one Richard had needed all along.

“Shirking my old man, huh? He’s been ignoring me since the dinner, the gods know what he expects. If it’s an apology he won’t get it … and Ruoxe … well, she is my little sister with no care in the world after all.” There it was again, that throbbing pain that ran through him like a sharpened arrow from high above, splitting him in two. Yujin bit back any sort of noise that was threatening to overcome him, knowing that Richard didn’t need to worry about - he didn’t want him to. “Still, I should’ve known better. I was anxious for a while and didn’t know why, that gut feeling should’ve been enough.”, he lamented, narrowing his eyes. How unworthy was he? Likely more than enough, obsessed as he was with making things right - things that didn’t need to be right, per se. “Not yet.” Soon he’d be one. Very soon. “Come … with you?” It sounded so odd, and Yujin felt taken aback - if he came with Richard, what would that even entail? A thousand questions popped into his mind and he felt like the wind had been knocked out of his sails all of a sudden. “That’s far. Very far. But … if you’re going, I would like to try. I’d like to be with you.” Forever, always. But he didn’t say that. He just squeezed Richards hand in his own and awarded him with a smile, cupping his cheek with the other hand he still had. “Were you? I never saw it like that and this situation is nothing you should take any blame for. Still, I don’t want to fight.”, Yujin admitted and, maybe finally, pulled Richard into his embrace, hugging him tight. “I’m sorry.”

"I'm still not hungry, but I eat more anyway.", he told Yujin with a smile and in his own mother tongue, since Yujin seemed to want to switch. Maybe it just felt more private, at least his fathers didn't understand them, not that they weren't alone in here, but the thought counted for something as well. Still, Yujin acted off. Was it the situation with Yin and the fight with his father that still got him so rattled up? He usually wasn't like this, usually he found excuses for everyone and everything. Richard looked at him with a worried expression. "I just... Maybe I just needed to get angry at something. It used to be what kept me alive before too. Not at you, mind, just to be clear. And maybe I needed less pampering by you and... wanting to get away. I'd live in that hut again on my own, or with you, if I could." But he was too weak, too fragile and he couldn't let Yujin handle everything all the time. Besides, his family would be against it and who knew what that meant.

"I'm just sick of being toyed with, sick of how they treat you too. I had enough of this in Adrestia, men that think torturing others makes them stronger..." Very much different, but it felt similar, like he was manipulated to some means to an end, whatever those were. Yujin was treated the same and he couldn't stand it. Couldn't everyone just leave them alone? "That could have come from anything and it isn't why I wanted some space. I don't blame you, but your father clearly has plans for you that don't involve me and I was scared. I'm scared of going back home too, but at least my family is there." And that still meant something, right? "Are you sure you're okay? You're... I don't know... less cheerful than usual.", Richard asked again, trying to ascertain what was different. "What do you mean 'not yet'?" That made little sense to Richard and Yujin was also less enthused for the idea of coming with Richard than he would have expected, but much like Richard was at his families' whim here, he'd be there. Only that Dayan had no reason to hate him. Richard looked up at the man cupping his face, at those blue eyes reminding him of home. "If you don't like the capital, we can go to Fhaergus. There are way more mountains than here, but it's cold in winter and there isn't much going on there.", he suggested, trying to make the idea more appealing to Yujin. He was faced with a hug, one that Yujin seemed to need more than Richard. The blonde but his arms around Yujin, holding on to him. He didn't want to fight over who needed to be more sorry, but there was still things he needed to say. He gave Yujin a few moments, then crawled up closer to him, closer to his ear and his voice grew more silent. "I need to tell you a few important things... about the things you don't remember... whenever you want to hear them."

"It'll come back soon enough." Hunger always came back, be it with a vengeance or simple desire - it would seek Richard out, maybe even when he least expected it in the first place, but Yujin knew that it would look for him, then come back and bite him in the ass. Perhaps it was what either of them needed, or maybe it just went to show that he was healing after all. Yujin had his own form of healing, this one was showing as well, but he regretted it, not because or in spite of his body hurting, but rather as it seemed to be nothing more than a cheap tactic for him to finally get what he had wanted for so long. A way out. "It's alright. Without a goal you'd waste away, and if that goal is anger, well, it's better than nothing, no?" To have something nobody else could, to crave something someone else could give - no wonder he got attached, or needed something that could kick him back into gear. Yujin was proud and fearful of it all at the same time - changes, like the tides in winter, like ebb and flow, they came about when one least needed them, ate through eternity like it was fire against wood, a tear in a piece of paper. "Would you want to move? Back to the hut? I think we can go, we don't owe anyone anything. Besides, I'm done being played like a fiddle."

"So am I, there's nowhere to go where we can actually be, is there? I feel like, no matter what it is, there's always someone or something that would much rather we suffer in silence for eternity. And eternity is a pretty long time.", he chortled, but he knew himself something was off. When was the last time he really had felt like he was his own person? When nothing ached, when every wave of hurt was just a premonition to something benign? Yujin wanted to crawl away, not from Richard, but the world that decided to let him suffer, to let both of them hurt forevermore. "At least there's family at home for you, I know, it seems so much more doable than to be here, alone, with nobody to call your own." Not even him, really - Yujin wasn't blood, he'd never be, even if that didn't mean their connection wasn't important, he could never replace those which shared Richards memories with him, or at least knew him for longer than a miserable year. "Mhm, just a bit tired. Hard to keep up being all happy if you're hurting, too, but it's just from exhaustion, don't worry too much." Not that Yujin would always be cheerful. Not that he could. "If I'm a coward for running away, I will be one when I run off with you, in any direction. It just feels like it doesn't matter what I tell my fathers, you know? They'll simply bend over backwards to have it their way." Which was insane. A lot more than he could condone. "Where you go, I'll follow. Simple as that. I've never seen anything beyond Silesse, not much, and you know that - I wonder if the temperatures are like. I guess I won't need five layers at all times." What an intriguing thought, even when he was sure he wore less every once in a while, until even his body decided it couldn't bargain with the freezing temperatures anymore and demanded to be swaddled in more than nothing. What he had needed right now, however, was this hug that hopefully never ended, even when Richard came closer. "Hm?" What was that about? "Go on?"

Eating was a necessity at this point, nothing more. Richard didn't enjoy it, but he wanted to get stronger, so he did and yet, whenever he got some food now, he wasn't sure if he should eat it, or if Shuren just wanted him out of the way somehow. Now Xu was added to that list as well, according to Quan, if he found out what happened today. "I don't know if being angry all the time solves anything... it made me leave for revenge and it brought my dad and me great suffering...", Richard mumbled. It was his fault and he gained nothing. At least he was reunited with his brother, if only for a short while. Meanwhile, while Richard toiled away here, that rat clawed his fingers at his brother and now he wasn't sure if home would feel like home at all, but it seemed better than here. "I won't be any help there. I can't make you my caretaker." Richard wished he could be of more help. Well, he could probably cook, but nothing Yujin would like and other than that, he'd just sit there in that hut while Yujin had to get them food and firewood and whatever else they needed. Besides, he didn't want to stir up too much trouble.

"I don't know. Your father doesn't want you to be with me. My brother would be happy for us, but I might cause him trouble being in Adrestia and... well there is at least one more issue. My aunt doesn't really care about us I believe and asking for help is a sign of weakness and she hates weakness. I can't really think of anywhere else..." He felt safe with Nayantai, but the last time he saw him he was but a shadow of himself. "You're here. That's why I wanted to come back here. But you could be elsewhere with me too, somewhere more welcoming perhaps." Richard softly placed his hand on Yujins chest, feeling his soft heartbeat and warm skin. "I do worry.", Richard refused. Yujin usually wasn't this stoic and serious. "You're not a coward for it." If Xu didn't want him here then why not simply go far away, to another country even. Richard smiled a little. "Myriad tends to be warm, even in winter and Fhaergus winters are still warmer than your summers." Richard was able to deal with that cold so much better. Still, maybe it was time to fess up, or was now a bad time? No, it was Yujins right to know and he wouldn't lie to him like anyone else. Still with hushed voice he started to explain what he overheard today and that he went after Quan. That he got confirmation about his suspicions that Yujin probably only remembered patchily if at all. They did find out multiple things over the course of over a year after all. He told him about the time they went to the place where it happened, he told him about what Nayantai said too and the reasons why Quan did what he did. Maybe it wasn't his right, but Quan had enough time to open up. What still was up to debate was Shurens involvement and goals. Xu claimed their father blamed Quan alone, but Richard had a hard time believing that he was this blind. Richard leaned back a bit, unsure of how Yujin would take all this.

Wasn’t Richard right about that? Anger could move mountains in one direction but not the other - it couldn’t fix anything, not when it was done and over with what it tried to achieve. There were few things he could add to that and trying to deny it wasn’t his thing, Yujin knew it would only lead to some sort of ungovernable situation. Instead, he tried to play with Richards hair, soft, blonde strands of straw that was so different from his own. Wasn’t it funny? How different they were, while being so close. “I understand that, I don’t think you thriving off of nothing but anger and letting it blind and consume you is a good idea. But to be angry every once in a while and use that for motivation could be good …”, he suggested, unsure of it himself. Was Richard done being angry? Who was to say. Yujin couldn’t - he wouldn’t even be able to figure out when he himself was done being angry. “You don’t have to. We’ll get you some plants, you have kittens, I can show you how to sew and the hut probably needs some fixing here and there. Besides, a walk will help with building stamina. Think about it.”, he only meant well, they both knew that. Yujin also knew that he wanted to use it as an out, though - away from his peers, from those that held him back. What would they every gain from that?

“The south?”, Yujin blurted out as an insane suggestion. There were plenty of tribes in Thria that didn’t care about who joined them, too, but if they wanted to be out of anyones reach, changing sceneries entirely was an option. Regardless of what it wound up being, he’d follow Richard. “And you’re suggesting your home for a change? I … I’m not opposed, but you have to understand I’m still … uneasy. I don’t know why and I won’t say no.” Never did he plan on saying no - Yujin wanted to be with Richard, whom he held close even now, even when he likely should make sure the two of them wouldn’t draw more attention to themselves than they already had. Abysmal, dire - that was what these things were. “I know. It’s fine.” He’d figure it out, somehow, now that he was spitting so many tunes and words that nobody else would ever believe when he spoke of them. “We’ll see.” To himself, he already was and Richard was acting like he couldn’t be. Yujin was fine with being a coward, fine with being angry, fine with being different - he just wasn’t fine with being alone. “I’ll melt. But that’s okay, we’ll figure it out. We always do.”, he whispered, entranced by the idea. What good would he be if the warmth of the place they went to beat him down? What good was he if every part of his body kept hurting? Useless was a fitting word, surely. Even then, Richard seemed eager to share more and with every word, the expression on Yujins face grew darker, more crestfallen until finally, Richard stopped entirely and Yujin bore not even a morsel of a false smile on his sleeve. The mask was cracking, he hadn’t carefully crafted it this time, though it was for the best. “… what a bastard.”, he grumbled, in regards to Quan. What an idiot! Yujin didn’t know what to do with his emotions, they were overwhelming this time - he believed every word, even still. “I … it explains a lot, but it also means … damnit. I- ugh …”, he finally groaned, as the strain the sudden wave of anger caused his tense body made him ache again. “I need a moment, sorry.”

"Maybe. It got me back on my feet once, but in the end I made the worst decision in my life and it didn't bring back my siblings..." Well one of them was still alive, but he also gained nothing from Richards stupidity. Worst of all was how he hurt his own father, the one he still had left and he wanted to apologize so badly for so many things and thank him for who he was, even if he'd been so incredibly angry at him too. He looked at Yujin with a pained smile, he still needed to fess up about everything and the hut didn't sound like a save place and Richard could neither fight, nor hunt, nor repair a roof. "Maybe...", was all he said for now. He felt Yujins hands in his hair and he inched a bit closer. This conversation as a whole wasn't an easy one, despite some ups here and there, all of them were bittersweet, but it felt good to be close to Yujin again, to feel his skin and Richard didn't know why he stopped being so reserved around him. Quan didn't know what he was talking about, but he still got Richard to reevaluate so many things.

"We don't know that place... and it's warmer than Adrestia for the most part.", Richard told Yujin and in the end he felt like he needed someone's protection, as if he couldn't take care of himself and as if either Ares, Xu, or Shuren would find them there. In Adrestia Dayan could keep an eye on them and he was the most influential person. If Richard officially declared him the rightful king, if he officially agreed to never take up the crown, maybe they could just live there. "I know. You've never been anywhere else, but you won't be alone." There was something else Richard had in the makings and it felt stupid that he almost threw it all away once more. Still he gravitated back to Yujin no matter what it seemed and Yujin didn't want Yin, whether Richard existed or not. The Thrian prince however was still reserved and Richard looked at him once more. "You can talk to me. You've been shielding me from enough.", he told him. What was it Yujin didn't want to share? "Well I'm freezing here. Maybe the mountains are a good middle ground.", Richard mumbled with a smile. He lived most his life in Myriad, but he always excitedly visited his grandfather. First however Richard needed to get something else out of the way and once he was done Yujins smile was all but gone and in it's stead a gloomy expression. The touches stopped and Richard gave Yujin his space. "Of course..." he told him. Whatever he needed, unless he was about to storm out, Richard would stop him then, lest he did something stupid. He had suggestions, but for now he let Yujin deal with it himself, process it for however long he needed and think about what that meant for him now. Did Richard overstep? This wasn't for him to decide.

“And still, it led you back here. I know it wasn’t easy. I wish I could’ve been there for you, you know.”, he proceeded to tell Richard, almost as if it wasn’t his worst kept secret. Yujin hated it, hated knowing that nothing that he could have done would have helped, but what was more, he hated being abandoned, being left alone, being treated like that - like it was easy to just discard him, only to have regrets about it and crawl back when it was convenient. He longed to be as benevolent and blissfully stupid as he was not too long ago, to be loving no matter what may come, yet couldn’t force it upon himself - he wanted nothing more than to exist, which wasn’t something he could blame himself for, but it seemed as if his entire existence was either in somebodies way of life, or simply there to be used by someone else. “Mhm.” Richard had to endure him, but he never was selfish, was he? Up until now, he went with his every whim, allowed him to undertake anything he desired and all he asked for was to be held, lovingly and gently at times, something substantial but within Richards capabilities at the very least.

“No place for me, then? How about we find a deserted island?” Someplace not too cold, not too hot - they could be there, just the two of them, or three of them if Richard wanted to bring his old man; what would be important was that they were away from anyone else. Yujin would’ve liked something like that, he was sure of it. “I know you’ll be there.” And what then? There for comfort? Yujin was growing restless, maybe volatile - he wasn’t as gentle and loving, he was still annoyed, selfish, lonely - he wasn’t any of those things he’d been made out to be, he felt some sort of tug on his heartstrings either way, felt the pain that rushed from his leg to his chest to his brain. “It hurts.”, he blurted out and when Richard escaped his grasp to give him space, he pulled him back in. “Not like that. I need to think. Please stay.”, he murmured, burying his face in Richards shoulder. Slowly, tears started to flow, warm like the water, stinging like the heat. “The mountains would be nice … I’d like that.” Everything hurt. It felt worse than before. It ached, it drove him nuts, it made him feel like he couldn’t stand - he pulled Richard to somewhere they could sit, his clutch desperate. “I’ve never felt … so betrayed. My heads a mess. My scars hurt … so much. I don’t know anymore.”

"It wasn't your fight and I didn't think I'd survive. You would have get hurt too and I didn't want that...", Richard let out. He regretted his choice, he regretted not simply staying here, for Nayantais sake and his own, maybe for Yujins too. He had tried to push Yujin away, to not let this develop into something more than a fling or distraction, but he failed miserably and he hurt Yujin. Saying goodbye seemed too hard of a task, for both of them and it would have invovled lies too. Richard would have promised to come back, with no intentions to do so. If he chose love over revenge Nayantai would still be here, Richard would still be able to protect Yujin and take on Xu if he had to and everything would be so much better. Well, besides the fact that his brother thought Richard and Nayantai were dead too and likewise Richard didn't know of Dayans survival. Maybe it would have been better that way though, easier for Dayan to keep the crown Richard didn't want anyway.

"Or sail away...", Richard fantasized. None of this would be possible, not if he remained this weak and useless. It didn't seem like Yujin wanted to come to Adrestia and Myriad was probably not a place for him, though maybe he'd enjoy a bustling town? Fhaergus on the other hand was the closest they could get to Silesse and nobody would bother them there. Yujin finally opened up to Richard and he looked at him, being pulled back into a hug. Richard heard quiet sobs and put his arms around Yujin, trying to comfort him. He was whisked away to a step where they could sit down and he pulled Yujin back, stroking his hair and patting his back. "I'm sorry, I... " Had Richard said too much? Maybe he just made everything worse. "I'm sure my brother let's us come to Adrestia. I'll get you away from here and I'll have a doctor help you." Someone that wasn't this family, that wasn't his father, or anyone else in this family that seemingly had it out for Yujin. "If it's too much, you could take the medication again, just until we are away from here.", he carefully suggested. Yujin looked like a mess and Richard never heard him complain like that, so it had to be bad. Richard had his own share of pain, the strain in his neck and the mess covering his whole body, but his wounds weren't that deep, nor did he suppress any of it. Maybe Yujins body retaliated now that he stopped taking that stuff. "Is there anything I can do to help?"