bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

Richards intentions and problems were obvious to Yujin - he knew that he meant no harm, but that he harmed himself plenty on accident with what was going on in his head, and he could simply not stop any of that. Yujin knew, and he resented himself for his inability to do nothing about it. But what, in all things known to man, would he do anyway? Happiness wasn't like a forlorn fruit that eventually grew on trees, waiting to ripen and for a bird to digest it before it fell to the ground, bruised and beaten, only interesting to those that scavenged to keep themselves alive - and yet, Yujin wished it was as easy as making dinner, for it would give him the much needed moment of respite he seemed to crave, and yet, there was nothing of the sort that he could do for Richard. It sucked. Without pressing the issue further, though, Yujin had walked off to the kitchen and disregarded the cake; now he didn't want to present it to Richard anymore, and he figured that it was best he kept quiet about it too, at least for the time being, not wanting to do more harm than good just as he had previously done already.

Yujin wasn't one to boss people around, which was why his request for a meal for four was a gentle reminder that why, he was hungry, and Richard was, too, and that they had something else with them that could use a bit of food, and maybe some warm water to drink from, and he got all of that foisted upon him within minutes, all of which was warm, or at least partially cooked enough for the kittens to eat, and Yujin, asking for something to carry all of that with, was back in Richards and his' room in a matter of mere minutes. He helped himself inside and used his hips to close the door behind him, eyeing Richard as he sat the food down on the table away from the bed, and then the kittens. "I got some food here.", he told all three of them, taking the little bowls and putting them down, as well as the water bowl he'd been given, and then he looked over to Richard, whom he brought a larger bowl of his own - food was food, and some rice and egg would do him good, even if he maybe wanted to eat something else by now. Yujin grinned, still. "None of this is your fault, and you don't have to shoulder any of it alone." He put both their food on the nightstand, then grabbed the kitten that was still toiling about, while the other melted in Richards embrace. Yujin held it close, then let it crawl into the outer layer of his clothing again, where it soon enough seemed to purr and nestle in; this little guy should eat first, if anything. "It's going to be okay, I'll make sure of that, alright?", he murmured as he sat down next to Richard, putting one arm around him. "You can cry if you need to, there's no shame in it, alright?"

Richard felt terrible and he didn't want to be a burden on Yujin. If not for the kittens he'd probably just stayed in his room today and would have hoped that the day after would be a better day. The Silessian prince however joined him in his room eventually and Richard tried to find any strength inside of him that would help him interact with him. Yujin put down two food bowls and one water bowl for the kittens. His words were reassuring but not helping. Logic didn't help, Richard was well aware of certain facts and yet his heart ached today and he couldn't do anything about it. Eventually Yujin sat down next to him and he felt his arm heavy on his shoulders. Richard hid his face with his arm. "I'm... I don't want to." He cried all day, he wasn't sure if he had any tears left. For now he slowly got up and picked up the little kitten to bring it over to the bowl which Yujin sat down near the fire where it was warmer and the water in the bowl wouldn't just freeze over immediately.

He sat down the kitten who immediately found the food and started eating it while Richard kneeled next to it watching. He liked having them around as something to focus on. He didn't feel like talking today though and also didn't know what to tell Yujin. He agreed to spend time with him now, but he wasn't any good company right now and encouraging words didn't help. In these moments he wasn't thinking of just ending his life anymore as he had been a few times before, but he was contemplating asking Shuren for anything that would help. He did say he'd have something that would make him forget, much like Yujin, but was that really the right thing to do? How would he honor his family if he just forgot what happened to them? He was cold down here, even sitting next to the fire and eventually rubbed his arms a little bit. He wasn't hungry either and he didn't want to argue. He got up to peak at Yujin. "Do you... want to braid my hair...?" He did do that before when Richard first visited the castle and Richards hair was much longer now, much more in the way too. It sounded like something Richard could enoy in silence and Yujin liked doing.

Yujin was the one that felt like he'd done something so fundamentally wrong, it would only be right for Richard to tell him to leave and not come back, but instead of that, he simply fled from his touch, letting him know that it was neither wanted nor appreciated at the moment, and it led to his shoulders sagging and his head hanging a bit low for a second. To keep the distance that Richard set alive, Yujin stayed on the bed for the time being, watching him and the kitten on the carpet in front of the furnace with a pair of curious eyes - he was enamored with this man, to say the least, but not being able to have him, wholly, was what drove him insane ever so slightly, even when he wished it wouldn't. There were no ins-and-outs of Richard for him to know, he already was aware of them, and Yujin also knew that his attempt at loving him was in vain, given the fragile mental state he found himself embroiled within. "It's alright, I understand." Today, he'd already cried plenty and Yujin didn't want to make it worse, not when he already fled and shied away at any opportunity he was able to grasp, even when staying by Yujins side would perhaps be the best choice he could fell overall.

Feeling almost bad for clammoring, Yujin coaxed the second kitten back out of his mantle and sat it down on the ground so it could walk over to Richard and its sibling, which it seemingly did after being stirred awake, to actually get some bites of food in as well. These little ones were nimble, sure, but all that energy had to come from somewhere and Yujin wasn't going to deny them something as basic as this. Now that he watched the three of them, he figured that Richard would make a good cat parent, and that there was nothing to be afraid of - he'd care for them just fine, especially when he sat there like that, watching over them, even when Yujin himself could have sworn that none of this had any sort of relevance at times, but it did paint a certain picture for him. "Hm?", Richard tugged at im from a different direction and Yujin eyed him, curious as ever, then already found himself patting the spot on the bed next to him. "I would love that. Come here? Or should I come there?", he asked in a sing-song voice, gentle as ever, just as he sometimes was. "I'll be happy to do whatever you want to do as long as it means we spend time together."

Eventually the second kitten came along and found the food bowl quickly. At first it wanted to fight over the same one, before Richard softly picked it up and sat it in front of the one currently not occupied so they could eat next to each other. He'd leave the water bowl there. When he got something for himself he could always fill it up for them, though mostly he was drinking tea, not tasting tea, but the kittens better stuck with water. He'd also have to lay out some fur here on the floor by the bowls, he didn't want them to get cold feet when eating or drinking. They'd not be alone often, Richard rarely left his room. For now the whole castle was probably too big for them though, so it was better they stayed up here where the rooms were. Eventually upon Yujin agreeing to braid Richards hair, he sat down with him on the bed, kneading his own hands somewhat nervously and in thought. He didn't feel like having much company but he felt like he owed Yujin some time together.

"Should I cut it off...?", he eventually asked, meaning his hair. He didn't cut it in a very long time. It didn't annoy him, it was just harder to maintain. Maybe braiding it at night at least would help, but that too took some time. The kittens had devoured their food incredibly quickly and licked the bowl clean. Then they started to playfully fight each other a bit, toiling about on the floor. "Maybe we should get them something to play with... I doubt there are many mice around, especially up here." And definitely no birds or insects to hunt. Maybe they could get some yarn or small balls. For a second Richard shivered, thinking about the fact that he had time to think about something so mundane and be able to ask for almost everything he wished for, yet still he complained about his life. His fathers reign made Adrestia more prosperous especially after the war, but he'd always been a prince, except for those months he lived with his father in the hut. Even then he relied on him and was just a snobby little noble, thinking he didn't have to do anything in life and was entitled to more than he got. He snapped out of it when he felt tiny claws on his leg as one of the cats tried to climb up to get on the bed presumably. Richard reached down to help the rascal up and sat it down on the bed, the sibling joined soon and wanted up as well, Richard helped again. Suddenly he turned to face Yujin and hug him tightly. He didn't know why exactly, but he just needed a hug, maybe it would help with those stupid thoughts that haunted him today.

Doubt was like die cast on a board - once done, the rolls wouldn’t be able to be undone, their nature unfurled before anyone’s eyes, given they’d watch the display in the first place. What, if not a bothersome gambit was life? Yujin knew that thoughts like these plagued him, but it wasn’t about how Richard wouldn’t accept him for who he was, but much rather that there was no space for him in that downwards spiral that he slipped down upon, and no matter how hard he tried to grasp onto Richard, hold him tight, he slipped from his grasp as if he wasn’t something to be caught and held in place to begin with. That, in its own right, hurt him as well - and drove him up the wall just the slightest bit. Yujin knew he was petty for this, almost childish and petulant in his ways, yet he also was aware that he tried so much and that he deserved a reward, from the heavens above if need be, for what he was doing, which, in itself, was a forlorn and wrong thought, even if he’d never voice it to anyone to begin with.

Entangled in a web of his own delusion, he had hummed the slightest tune with Richard by his side, hands carefully combing through the other mans hair, strand by strand, before he would even consider braiding it in the first place. “Hm? We could cut off the edges if you want, so it can continue to grow nicely, but we don’t have to. Otherwise I like it that way, so it’s really up to you.” Yujin was struck my the silliest of ideas, but he didn’t want to make Richard more upset than he already was today; he’d dredged up enough by simply giving him a gift, and right now, it definitely was better to simply follow Richards whims instead of waltzing off on his own two feet. “Hmm, you’re right. Maybe I can get some yarn, or ask what proper toys would be at harbor. Feathers, maybe? Or is it enough if he tie something to a string?”, he suggested their future incentives, knowing that Richard would probably consider taking care of them, but wouldn’t be able to handle much of anything else. Yujin could accept that, he knew that he struggled, and he wouldn’t force him to do anything he didn’t want to, even if he could benefit from a little push. The kittens seemed to provide that right now, a small one at least, and they were soon helped onto the bed - Yujin chuckled, only to be drowned in a surprise hug by Richard. Confused at first, he cautiously put his arms around him, only to tighten his grip once he understood and pull Richard close; he held him, one arm around him, the other resting on the back of Richards head as he let him bury his face in all those layers of clothing that kept his chest obscured. “We can stay like this for as long as you’d like to.”

Richard often had attempted to tell Yujin that he deserved better, that he should be with someone that wasn't a mess half of the time. It looked like he made some progress, considering that he didn't even speak for weeks when he arrived here. He started to venture out of his room, tried to get stronger, ate more and wasn't too ashamed to show Yujin his body. He was busy studying Silessian and Thrian writing and had his secret little project as well, but it seemingly only needed one bad day to push him back down into a state where he wished he'd never started speaking again. The air felt suffocating today and colder than usual. Richard was freezing almost to a point of shaking. Maybe this day and the lack of food just made him weak and tired. "I'm sorry Yujin...", he whispered tonelessly. He knew this was hard on him too and even though he said over and over again that he wanted to be with Richard and it didn't matter how he was doing and if he had ad days like this, Richard felt bad. What if he never truly healed?

Richard took a deep breath, then slowly breathed out again, trying to regain some composure. There wasn't much use and his heart beat faster for no reason. His chest hurt a bit and so did his throat. Masked by his struggles, maybe there was something on the way. It had been a while since he had any incident regarding his heart and now that he thought about it, he was surprised it didn't give out when he faced Nayantai. Then again, it wasn't necessarily tied to him being excited or physical labor. Now however he was sure he still recognized that feeling and this seemed like the cherry on top of this terrible day. He slowly let go, one hand on his chest. "Ugh... remember I told you... about some issues with my heart...?", he asked Yujin, but that had been more than a year ago. Of course he didn't. What a fucking brilliant timing this was. It happened at least twice when he was in Silesse, one on his last birthday actually, when he went out to hunt some animal and ended up almost freezing to death because his body suddenly gave out without much of a warning. The other time was when he was out and he thought to remember he fought with Yujin that day, because he came by and Richard just wanted to be left alone. In fact it happened so seldomly, he forgot about it himself and didn't even mention it since he returned. "I'm uh... about to pass out...", he warned Yujin. He didn't want Shuren here, he didn't want him to bother. His family let the best doctors in the land take a look at him and even foreign ones, but nobody could help. Much like nobody could help Richards father with his own set of issues and sickly health he'd had since he was a child. Richard inherited some of it it seemed, but not as badly and yet... His vision quickly grew dark and in the last moment of conciousness he wondered if this wasn't some form of needed release from all his worries for a bit.

Nothing could go wrong like this - he was holding onto Richard, and he was holding him tight. Yujin didn't want to let go, nevermore to begin with, and just make sure he'd stay warm and save in this embrace, realize that there was nothing else that would happen to him, not as long as he was there, and that it all boiled down to having to try and let go of the things that bothered him. Maybe Yujin was expecting too much, and even the apology he received for the ounth time felt grating, but it truly was something that he felt as if he couldn't get rid of as it hung in the back of his mind like a foul memory, tainted by what had happened many a time before. "It's going to be alright. No need to apologize." For anything, really. Yujin didn't want or need to apologize for his misdeeds, and neither should Richard - his weren't as grievous as that which Yujin thought of and he should apologize, but he could hardly scramble for any idea in the back of his head. When had all of this become so complicated?

As he raked his mind for an answer, likewise confused and still in awe of what was happening, he couldn't come to a conclusion - it was hard to figure out. Where did Richards mind trail off to? Was that enough of a hug? An answer came soon, in the form of a warning, and Yujin was looking at him with big eyes, anticipating something he didn't quite understand just in the first few minutes of having it imparted upon him. What? "Huh?" Did he remember that? Yujin was panicking now, and his grip grew tighter, as if it would lead to him being able to keep Richard and his consciousness right where it was - he didn't want to let him go, let alone deal with the consequences of doing so; this wasn't great, and he wasn't having fun. In fact, this was like agony itself, and the longer he had to think about it, walk in the darkness of his brain and search for an answer, the more he felt panicked and useless, started shaking and could hardly keep it together. This wasn't good; in fact, it was abysmal and Yujin was simply left with his own feelings, trying to make sense of them. "I ... how do I- Richard- Don-" But it was too late for that, and eventually he just went limp in his arms. What the hell? Yujin was panicking - he should tell his father, but he knew that Richard didn't want Shuren here, he never fancied him, and what if he needed someone to stay by his side at all times? What the hell was he supposed to do? Confused, he eventually wrested the blonde off of himself and laid him down on his back, then stormed off to at least get Muhan, who seemed to take the entire thing in stride, better than he did anyway; Yujin felt a bit lost, even when his dad reassured him that no, everything was as fine as could be, and that Richard wasn't dying - he was supposed to keep calm, so he tried, but it took a while for Richard to wake up, and by then, Yujin was already worried enough, just because all of that had slipped his mind terribly fast. He sat there, all night, combing through his hair and watching out for him as best he could, even when it wasn't much. Regardless, still, Yujin turned clingy over the next few days instead, much to his own chagrin when Richard wanted some alone time, but he gave him space - he didn't want to suffocate him. Still, one afternoon, maybe a week or two after the incident, he finally ventured to the habor himself to covet something, and he presented Richard with some cat toys as he returned. "How are you feeling?", he asked first, as he slipped back in the room.

When Richard woke up Yujin stared into his face and Muhan was there too. He told them both that he was okay and that it occasionally happened, since he could remember. Often enough his parents tried to forbade him from going to certain places, but Dayan brought him anyway and at least two times it could have ended badly and they'd been lost for a whole night because Richard couldn't make it back home. He'd always been the weaker one, maybe it was only right Dayan, as also the oldest, sat on the throne now and not Richard. He felt tired and beat though and he just wanted to stay in bed. Yujin didn't want to leave and Richard was fine with that. He probably didn't sleep that night and Richard could feel him tug on his hair every now and then when he woke up during the night. The following days too Yujin wanted to stay close and Richard just wanted to stay in bed. Now he even had some entertainment with the kittens that were toiling around, either playing with each other or Richards hand. In the end it was Yujin who mostly cared for them though and brought them food and fresh water.

As he woke up that morning Yujin wasn't there. Maybe he was getting breakfast or something else. The two kittens who they neglected to name yet were though and the bigger one as always had rolled together by Richards legs, while the smaller one always searched to be under the blanket and close to him. Right now it lay next to him like a stuffed toy. As the door opened Yujin got in and Richard blinked at him. He was feeling fine, physically, or his circumstances anyway and he was also doing better mentally. Still he didn't feel like moving much still. "Fine.", he answered Yujin and didn't want to move lest he'd disturb the cats slumber. Richard liked having them around. Sometimes he needed to sen Yujin out, sometimes Richard just needed to be alone for a bit, but not being fully alone was actually feeling nice. The cats were by his side always and scratched softly on the door when he left to take a bath. He didn't want to confuse them yet and take them with him through the castle, they should acclimate to his room and Yujins first, though they didn't venture out a lot yet.

Yujin was scared for no real reason - he was simply looking for an excuse, wasn't he? For Richard to rest in the palm of his hand and be safe, that was what he wanted, but never to lock him up, or force him to be with him. Yujin wasn't like that - he loved freedom above all else, and yet, he had someone by his side that didn't even want to move, or leave, and he wondered if, judging by his fathers continued jealousy, he'd ever become like him, obsessed with the fact that he had a lover devoted to him above all else. Was he going to be like that? Yujin didn't want to be, it scared him to even consider, and to know that maybe he was someone entirely else before he took one of those pills ailed him, especially now that he lay his eyes upon Richard again, who was holed up in their bed and didn't speak more than he had to. Wasn't there anything to help him? He slept, long and without much of a fit, and then, when he woke, he felt as if he turned into a block of ice at times, lost in the miasma within his own head, as the dead called upon him like some sort of strawman they were allowed to direct through his entire life. Did either of them like it? Probably not - Yujin didn't, he hoped for happier times, some of which seemingly never came.

"That's better than bad.", he summarized, approaching the bed to show Richard the basket he had brought - there were toys inside, from things that looked like feather dusters to something as silly as wooden mice attached to strings, or something more silly like a simple rope, dyed multiple colors and more than likely intended for a dog instead. Yujin looked for an empty spot where he'd neither disturb Richard nor the cats on the bed as he slipped in and put the basket aside. "Do you feel any better yet?" He was scared, and if he could, he'd keep Richard by his side, in one piece, completely intact, just like this. Could he preserve him? Now he was starting to sound like Shuren and bile rose in the back of his throat as he snaked his arms around Richard, who even under all those blankets, felt so unfathomably cold. This hurt, didn't it? The two of them, and hardships were something that had to come by eventually. "Feel like getting out of bed yet?" And the answer would be a no, Yujin could already feel it. "I brought some toys, and I was wondering if you'd feel up for attending a family dinner sometime soon?", he finally questioned - they wouldn't go anywhere, they'd simply stay in the dining hall downstairs, but it could cause some tensions between him and Richard if he sprung it on him and forced him to come. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so if it's a no, I respect that.", Yujin whispered.

Yujin brought something with him, a whole basket of things actually. "Yeah... just not very motivated to get up.", Richard explained. He wasn't crying all day anymore, or thought about his family every single second and his body recovered quickly from that little incident anyway. He was just slumped and since he had something to look at now, the cats, he didn't feel like doing much else than hide away. So much for the training he sat out to do, to get his stamina back, a bit of strength, maybe even join in on Yujins and Muhans training somewhen far in the future, but no, he lost all motivation to do any of that. Yujin showed off what he got a bit, stuff for the cats to play with and Richard thought they'd surely like all of it and could drag it around. They probably didn't get too bored as was, they had each other to brawl with, but maybe sometimes only one of them wanted to play, as of now one of them was calmer and a bit more sleepy anyway.

Yujin joined them in the bed, coming closer with the smaller cat inbetween them now as Richard made him aware it hid under the blanket again. They should name them, but Richard couldn't think of any names and he didn't even know if they were male or female. "Not really... I don't know. Sorry..." Was there even any point in him getting up? Yujin also snuck another question in there, maybe deliberately. "A family dinner...? I'm not part of it, am I now? And I don't think I'd be any good company... you all probably have more fun without me." Since Richard was back he hadn't interacted with Yujins siblings at all. He also rarely interacted with Muhan. Shuren was with him more often, checking on his healing process, on his scars and general wellbeing, more because he had to than that he wanted to Richard believed. He didn't know what Dayan told him about all of this."I don't want to be ungrateful for getting to stay here though... So if your parents want me there, I can do it. I can get up, I just don't know what I'd be doing out of my room..."

“Is there anything that would motivate you to get up?”, he asked Richard, already brainstorming ideas in the back of his head. No amount of food or love would do that, and no empty promises would get a broken man to move from his grave that he’d picked to rot in, but maybe a challenge, to make him strive for something better than this - a stressor, of sorts, to push him places. “I know it’s hard, but nothing’s going to change if you just lay here and watch the day move by.” He was too lax with him, he’d realized that not too long ago - Richard was lovely, without a doubt, but Yujin was still supposed to care for him, and not just in this way. How would he get him moving, though? It felt as all of his desires, earthly or divine, had been sucked out of him and taken away, never to return - it had to feel awful, and yet, it was maybe the best thing that could happen to either of them by a long shot, and Yujin hated it for what it was. “How about a little challenge?” Was Richard even in the mood for such things? Considering his emotional state, Yujin doubted it, but he knew that if he just left him there, he’d one day glue himself to that mattress, cat or no cat.

“It’s okay.” Being confused was part of all of this, but Yujin knew - no, wanted - for this to end, almost as if it was its own special kind of nightmare that would never truly subside. They were both lost, and they had each other, but really, it didn’t matter if it went on like this - Yujin moved closer, gently at that, minding the fact that they had someone with them now, and put his chin on Richards shoulder. “You live here, and I love you. That’s proof enough that you’re part of this family, isn’t it?”, he clarified his stance, his voice a whisper and his hug a welcoming one that pulled Richard ever so close for a dose of warmth that neither of them would want to miss, he figured. “You’re simply supposed to attend, that’s all. Stay with us, have a nice evening, enjoy yourself and talk a bit - maybe we’ll play a game, too, but that really depends.”, Yujin elaborated, then chuckled. Richards family and his family was most likely extremely different in many aspects, so much so that none of this was what he’d likely experienced before. “I’d like having you around, or else I’ll die of boredom. Besides, my siblings and fathers want to see you as well.” And that wasn’t even a lie. “Think about it.”

"We could go and take a bath I suppose...", Richard suggested. That was really the only reason he left his room nowadays. The cats were always a bit sad he thought, but maybe they could take them with them this time. They'd have something new to explore and it would be cozy warm, though then again, maybe that was too much for them. "I... I don't know if I want anything to change...", Richard sighed. This was unfair to Yujin, wasn't it? Richard wouldn't stop him if he wanted to pursue someone else, he didn't need to care for him. After all they weren't even married and didn't know each other for very long. "A challenge...?", he asked with little motivation. Richard didn't know if he wanted one, he set his own goals before, but they seemed unimportant at the moment. Shuren even offered him something else that he said would help, but Richard didn't trust him fully in all honesty, which made staying here not any easier. He agreed to some herbal tea though that was supposed to help him fall asleep.

The dinner was something he should probably attend, he knew that. The manners he was taught once weren't all forgotten after all. Yujin came closer for the hug and Richard pressed his forehead against the princes. He closed his eyes and put his hand on Yujins cheek. Feeling he was there was still helping him calm down most of the time, he only sent him away when it was too much, even with Yujin close, protecting him. "I... fine I'll come..." For aformentioned reasons, not because he thought he'd actually manage to have fun there. Games didn't sound appealing either and knowing Silesse and this family, they were probably odd and a little backwards. "What does sometime soon mean exactly...?", he wondered, eyes still closed and Yujin in his grasp. "Do I even have something to wear for that occasion?" Yujins old clothes hardly fit him and he wasn't sure if they were even formal enough.

"I would like that, I think we could both use one." Yujin was in favor of any idea, no matter how short or long, as long as it ensured that Richard left the bed and this room for once, just to get a change of scenery and see that the world outside his own four walls wasn't as scary as he thought it to be. "Huh? What do you mean?" Not wanting anything to change was, in fact, not much of a favorable outcome - Richard would eventually start rotting alive, in the loosest sense of the word, and Yujin would have to pick him up every step of the way. Could he do that? He figured he was strong and valiant enough, but he also knew that this was already taking a toll on him and he was forgiving with a man that needed less of that and more assurance that he could push forward again, be himself and make it all seem like it was so easy to him, even when he was stuck at the end of a line. "Yes. How about for every ten steps you take outside your room a day, I give you a reward? Something small at first, but to keep the incentive going, once you've done twenty steps, ten won't get you anything anymore, and so on, you know?" It was a silly but simple one, and something he hoped would work.

Yujin was raking over the hot coals on the backburner of his mind as he considered what else he could do wth someone like Richard in a state like this; to motivate him to fight again, grasp upon a swords hilt, seemed completely out of question right about now and he wouldn't, for the life of him, manage any of this at any time if it went on. "You will?" Yujin squeezed him, giggling like a happy child and plastering a kiss to the blondes cheekbone like an overly excited bachelor that had just been told that why, yes, he could ask for his beloveds hand in marriage. "I think it's in a week and a half, not too long but not too far. That should work, no? Enough time to prepare, but also not enough to be anxious about it for too long." Hopefully he didn't jinx anything by saying that out loud, even when Richard seemingly was trying to escape him by sleeping - Yujin knew he was tired, but not tired enough to fall right back asleep this very instant. "You can wear some of my clothes, it's fine. Nobody is going to notice anyway, and besides, they always look good on you." A confession he'd usually make, almost as if nothing had ever changed. Yujin kissed Richards neck thereafter, loosening his grip just a bit. "Still tired? I'll carry you to the bathroom if you want." He was at least strong enough for that now.

A bath it was then. The warm air down there always felt good anyway. Even in this room where he had a fireplace and plenty blankets he was often cold, especially when Yujin wasn't around to hold him. In turn Yujin couldn't handle the baths for very long, the warmth always got to his head. "Mh... I don't know, I just... I'll try, okay?" That was all Richard could promise. The truth was, he didn't know if there was any point in trying to gain anything if a bad day could just set him back weeks. "I... don't think there is anything I'd want." That was also the truth. What kind of reward? Yujin could hardly keep himself from cuddling with Richard and he didn't care for food or sweets much, especially lately. There was little else he could want and put effort into achieving. If anything he'd have to do it for himself, like he did before. Maybe watching Yujin during his morning training incited something in Richard again. Right now he couldn't even hold a sword, well maybe that was for the better.

Richard was suddenly squeezed tight, just because he agreed to the dinner. Yujin apparently really wanted him there and now Richard could definitely not take it back. That was fine, probably even better so. He'd just sit there, force come food down to not be ungrateful and nod. He did this plenty of time when his fathers had important company over and the whole family was to attend. "Prepare? I don't have to prepare much, do I?", he wondered a bit concerned. "I also am swallowed by them." And he lost weight again, he knew it. "No, I'm not tired, I can walk." He thought at least. He slowly got up, trying to not disturb the cats too much and at least he managed to stand, quickly wrapping his mostly open clothes around him, before the cold caught him. He'd put on fresh clothes after the bath, for now these were enough, even though he slept in them just before.

Enticing Richard to spend time with him was about as easy as getting him to admit to his own shortcomings, and often enough, Richard decided he was about as flawed as people could get, and that all of this was something that he couldn't deal with. Everything was his fault, and for Yujin to be able to mend those wounds ever so slightly, it seemed almost as if they both needed to work on themselves from the ground up. "Trying is good enough.", he assured the blonde, knowing that eventually, sometime down the line, trying wouldn't be enough anymore and they'd have to deal with the consequences of taking it so easy all the time, when Richard needed it, and when Yujin was willing to give him all of that. "No? Not even a little bit, somewhere in a deep, dark corner of your mind?", he wondered aloud, hoping to get something that would entice him to live outright, but he also knew that it would be hard to find even a shred of anything left in there, in Richards broken mind and destroyed heart, where nothing but the residue of pain persisted. "We can always try and find something new for you to want, or care about.", he was quick enough to suggest.

But it wasn't that easy, not even when Richard wrested himself free of Yujins cumbersome clamoring, his misguided love, of sorts. Happiness lay beyond what one would call an orchard of overgrown grape vines, with fruit ripe for the picking, but no way back out of the treacherous trenches that it rested beneath. In reality, none of this was even feasible. "Just yourself, but I know that even that might take a toll or two on you sometimes.", he confessed, sitting up himself and running his hand candidly over Richards back, softly caressing it to ease all the worries away that rested on him now. It wasn't a fun situation to be in, he knew that much. "And that's not something that's going to be like that forever, besides, there's plenty of time to make adjustments. How about we pick one out that you like, I mark the spot that are too big and too long, and we'll get them fixed for you? If you want, we can even do it together.", he suggested next, trying to come up with some sort of group activity for the two, now that they were struggling to find an answer for themselves and all that free time they had. "Alright, let's go then.", he chuckled, standing up first and grabbing Richards wrist to drag him up thereafter, smiling all the same at him - without another word, Yujin grabbed a fresh set of clothing for them both from Richards dresser. "Do we need anything else? No, right?"

"No, I have quite enough things already..." If he wasn't born a prince he'd probably be long dead, because he couldn't care for himself anymore. Maybe if he didn't get everything he needed and more, he'd actually have to work on himself, but like this he could just lean back and not care about anything. This dinner was really all that was out of his control and an occassion in which he had to pull himself together for a few hours. Even for Yujin he didn't have to, even if it was unfair on him, he wouldn't leave, he said so multiple times and if he changed his mind Richard would probably feel better. He made his life hard enough and he knew that when he was feeling down, Yujin absorbed those feelings like a sponge, despite his constant smile. The cats and plants were all he had to sometimes get up for, getting water, moving them into the sun for a bit, then next to the fire again and playing with the cats so they weren't bored or neglected. He couldn't get more pets though.

"I'll try and pick up my studies again.", he told Yujin. It would give him something to do, sometimes he needed Yujin for it, sometimes he could just study on his own. He might as well sit on that dinner table and understand a little bit if Shuren decided something wasn't for his ears and spoke in their distinct dialect. "Yeah ok.", he agreed to get one of Yujins attires changed so it would suit Richard better. Something he could wear for certain occassions, maybe there would be more. For now they had everything they needed for a bath. Richard gave the two cats a quick pet before they left to go downstairs. He probably lost some stamina in the last couple days, but he was fine on his own the whole way. In the baths he at least still felt comfortable around Yujin, so he just got out of his old clothes, putting them in a basket for the servants to wash it at some point. Then he got into the constantly warm water. It felt good, his fingers immedietly warmed up and felt less stiff and his back too losened up. Richard looked at Yujin and for the first time in days gifted him a genuine smile. "I want to cuddle, actually... I did my ten steps too... plenty more even."

That he said, but Yujin knew that Richard had to be able to be swayed by something - whatever it was, he didn't care much, but it was apparent to him that it had to be something that he had to come up with in the first place, no matter what it turned out to be. Would Richard hate him if he treated him like an animal, unsure of what to do next? In a way, they both were tiptoeing around that line, just to not earn the ire of Richard as he was, shy and scared without any way out. Was this a life worth living? Yujin would contest it, but he took all he could, with open arms, as he let himself be dragged around by himself and the whims of the man he loved, now to the baths, and maybe elsewhere later - a moment in the frozen gardens of Silesse might do him good, he figured, but he didn't want to push him too far out of the comfort zone that he'd wrapped himself into. "You can get more, even if it's not any sort of trinket, you know? Maybe nothing ... physical, of the sort." Anything that wouldn't be permament, like a simple gesture of a hug, or something else of the sort.

"That would be ideal!", he rejoiced, and for once, it sounded as if Richard wanted to make things change, too. Not that he never wanted it, it just occured to him that sometimes, either or both of them lacked some sort of drive to keep them afloat, and right now, it was some sort of a mixture, even when they finally found the baths, locked the door behind them and shed themselves of their clothes. Yujin was, for better or for worse, simply a dog that trailed after the man he loved, and he'd do anything for him, ever - even if that meant to rot alongside him, he'd endure it forevermore, for a few reasons. As he dumped his own clothes in the hamper, Richard had already done so and slipped into the water, which was naturally good for him, but frankly not too great for Yujin, who was used to the constant cold around him and almost melted to death once he would enter the hotspring for too long - it had always been like that. Before the heat would get to his head, however, he wanted to slip in and enjoy it for himself, only to be motivated by Richards beckoning toward him. "To cuddle? Pfft. I guess you did what I asked you to, so ..." As he looked up at Richard, he saw the smile plastered across his face; it was infectuous as ever, and Yujin came closer, to wrap his arms around Richard from the side, pulling him close. "You're so beautiful, have I ever told you that? You're like a moonflower."

"You'll hug me either way.", Richard reminded Yujin. There was no way he'd stay away until Richard walked a few steps, even if it was good for him. He knew he had to get himself out of this mess, this one day just threw him for a loop and the effects lingered. For a few days he could claim he needed to rest because of his heart, when that wasn't really true, but right now it was apparent he just was lazy and unmotivated. He killed an Silessian bear after one of these incidents, he was fine after those. For now he looked at Yujin who entered the hot water as well and pulled him close. Richard wrapped his arms around him. It was nice cuddling like this without being cold. Even just removing a few of his layers for a better hug made Richard shiver under his blanket, but here he felt warm throughout. The cold stiffness in his bones hasn't fully subsides yet, but it would soon and additionally Richard felt comfortably light in the water.

Yujin was way too nice for always being there for him and for being sent out on Richards terms not on his own at all. Yujin should be able to do what he wanted as well. He was such an idiot for sticking to someone who he barely remembered and who changed so much. Richard closed his eyes for a bit, just enjoying the closeness to Yujin and his soft skin. "I... don't think I know how that one looks.", Richard answered to the compliment he had troubles to accept. His face wasn't scarred, but the rest of his body surely was. Aside from that he definetly didn't have enough weight. When he thought back he'd become very fit while he was first in Silesse, he also trained every single day. Now Yujin was the one who built up some muscles, Richard could feel them touching his arms. Was he jealous? Maybe, but it was more a form of motivator for him he realized. He didn't really have a chance of catching up, but he could try maybe. "I haven't watched for a while, but you know, when you train with your father you always put all your weight on your right foot and that is why he can throw you off balance so easily..." He wanted to tell him that for a while and he didn't know why he felt ready to now. Slowly he let go to look at Yujin. "Let me wash your hair."

"I know, and you know, too.", Yujin laughed without much fanfare. Richard, to him and like this, was akin to a stuffed animal that he had free reign over - he could grab him, if anything, and hold him tight over night, but not much else; their relationship, while not at a standstill at the moment, had at the very least reached an impasse which neither of them wanted to push past. Boundaries that were set in place, as well as their own personalities seemingly made it impossible to do so - Yujin wouldn't blame either of them for it, and he often chastised himself for thinking that, maybe he wanted more and just didn't take it, but he was right. There was something that belonged to a relationship like this, a tinge of love, and wanting it was utterly selfish in the first place, yet, taking all of this at Richards pace felt like they'd never be past any of these hurdles when they reached actual adulthood, or worse, his parents age. Was it wrong to hurry these things along? Yujin was doubting himself too much and especially had over the last few days, and now, all of that seemingly culminated when it was nothing but their naked skin touching, with a thin film of water between.

"Oh, it's like, in the shape of a pentagon, and all white. It also only blooms at night, when the conditions are right - just like you, in a way.", he told Richard with a smile of his own, holding him tight like this, and keeping him warm, away from anything that could harm him. Yujin himself knew that Richard, in his arms, had felt differently before, that there was more to him, but that would return if he wanted it to, in due time. "Hm?" That was something he didn't expect to hear, especially neither here nor now, but he chuckled about it soon. "My right foot? Ah, I'll keep that in mind. Now that you point it out I can sort of see it, but I would've never come up with that by myself.", he mumbled, burying his face in Richards neck and simply closing his eyes for a bit, nothing else - he didn't move much, he just wanted to enjoy the moment of respite, at least for a while, with nothing but water and their breathing making sounds around them. Was it always this serene? Yujin wanted to interject when he heard Richards voice, but he finally let go, smiling somewhat pained. "I ... alright. Thank you.", he chirped, did as he was told and let himself sink further into the water so Richard had it easier. "We're still pretty much the same height, aren't we?"

"You don't have many flowers here.", Richard pointed out. When he was first in Silesse he didn't see anything but some trees. He didn't like it, he probably still didn't, but he appreciated the cold for the fact that it incapacitated anyone from Adrestia without Thrian blood. Even some Thrians were way too cold up here, much like Richard probably, but he could go out without dying outright. He liked the plants he had in his room now and he felt like if he wanted to grow some vegetables they'd do great in the large bathroom. There was no window here, but the climate was perfect. He wasn't sure how he'd fix the lack in sunlight, but maybe it was better trying to grow the ones in his room anyway. "Hey Yujin", he suddenly spoke up again, "can you sew?", he asked him. Richard wasn't very good at it, not at all actually, he never learnt it, but maybe with some skills and colored fabric he could make Yujin some flowers out of fabric for his own room.

Somehow he did better just now and had many ideas as to how to spend his time, mostly for Yujins sake. "Mhm... Muhan seems to just win without the ability to explain why. Maybe he doesn't have to, to be honest I think he'd beat my dad." Especially now, but he rather didn't think about that. "He doesn't leave himself open most of the time, watching you I never saw an opening... You'd probably need to do something surprising and I have the feeling that you are perfectly equipped for that." Yujin had silly ideas sometimes and didn't conform to a lot of rules. He'd probably invent his own fighting style at some point. As Yujin agreed Richard got behind him and crawled out of the bath a bit to grab a comb and something to make Yujins hair more silky. "Yeah I think we are.", Richard agreed. He just didn't straighten out his back lately, so he looked smaller. Richard started to work through Yujins many hair and comb them through to get every little knot out of them.