bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

“Pots? For sure. As for the temperature, we could try putting them in your room and if that doesn’t work, we could still put them in the bath and see if a bit of candlelight suffices? If not, maybe we can ask if we can carve a small window.”, Yujin was quick to suggest, with a smile as well - no, that was more akin to a grin, actually. Richard just needed something to occupy his mind with, or a goal to work towards and thankfully, he seemed to set his mind on things rather easily now and often just needed a little push in the right direction. It was sweet - he was sweet, something that Yujin delighted in. “I’ll just bring it, and if they don’t sprout, I’ll ask my dad for new soil, if he has any, and if he doesn’t, we’ll just get some more from Adrestia. Anything else you’d want? You like chocolate a whole lot, so how about that?” Yujin was proudly grinning for having remembered that; he thought he would have, or should have some semblance of what Richard was like and thankfully, he’d written some diaries, too! Not everything was there, of course, but his memory was getting better, at least he figured that to be the case, now that he could definitely recall some things.

“Do you want me to bring them, still? I don’t mind if you want them here, but I don’t want you to beat yourself up over something, especially if it’s your old clothes. Your mind might start wandering someplace else again and maybe that’d hurt your he- you get what I mean, I’m not here to police you.”, Yujin quickly deferred - he was starting to sound a bit like his father and that, why, was scary. Did he want to be like Shuren? Fuck no, that guy never had any fun and only ever ruined everyone else’s. Yujin wanted to be like Muhan, if anything! “Hm, the hide and the clothes might be unpleasant, but you tell me. I can definitely bring you the handkerchiefs, that way you have more variety!” And yet, they looked silly to Yujin - still did, always had, no? He liked Richard the way he was, with all his flaws and scars; there was nothing worth hiding, it was like casting a cloud over the clear night sky to obscure the brightest of stars - it wouldn’t do. “Mhm, and I’ll come back in one piece, promise.”, he, too, promised. Yujin smiled at Richard and brought the hand he held up to his lips, kissing the back of it in a kitschy gesture of good will. “Anything else?”

"We'll see.", Richard smiled a little. It would be more on his plate, more he could do and more he could obsess over, rather than thinking of what had happened, of what he did wrong and of what awaited him. It would keep his mind from being afraid of random noises, because someone dropped something outside of his room. At this point he had so many little projects, he barely had the time for either of them, but in turn he always found something he was motivated to do at any given point. He didn't like being scared all the time, he didn't want to be weak, even though he was never incredibly strong to begin with, yet he wished back the facade he upheld when he first came to Silesse. He even fooled himself. "I don't like chocolate that much, I just think all your sweets are... not very good.", he corrected Yujin. "Not that I like sweets a whole lot, but everything made specifically for me is bland and all you eat is way too spicey." He shouldn't complain, but Yujin surely wasn't offended. Then again, he'd try to accomodate Richard again, which wasn't necessary, not when he was barely hungry anyway.

"No, I don't think I need that stuff..." He wondered if Nayantai also left something behind he would want, but he didn't want to pry. In the end they probably both were sure they wouldn't return from their journey. Richard didn't think of anything that would come after his revenge and he also thought that Nayantai did just expect to be free after all this, with the one he loved. He gladly would have given his life to save Richard, but he never wanted to be saved or protected in the first place. Ugh... it made no sense to think it over again and again. Richard regretted so much, but he couldn't change any of it. Richard bit his lip and tried to concentrate on what Yujin was saying. "Yeah, maybe the handkerchiefs and... if you want the hide you can take it." Maybe Richard didn't want it around himself, it reminded him of a strength he would never again posess. Sometimes he wondered if there was even a reason to keep going. Richard looked at Yujin, at his smile and gentleness. It would have been easier not to know him, he'd have no reason to stay in this world. "No, that's all."

Would they now? Yujin was overjoyed enough to hear that, he was almost ready to jump around like a headless chicken - not that he never did that before, given his track record for behaving, but what else was he to do? Just accept everything at face value? One thing was for sure; he'd make it, somehow, some way, and he'd make Richard proud, too, but first he had to leave. Right. There were other things that needed his attention and they both would benefit from having here, or actually, maybe Yujin should get rid of some of it? The hut was mostly desolate, nobody would come there, not like this, so he could simply leave it for when Richard was at least feeling the slightest bit better. Maybe one day he'd want it back. All of it. "Ah.", Yujin sighed, looking apologetic as he took the criticism to heart. "You're not used to it, I know. But I also get that they kind of ... honestly, you aren't wrong. I don't think you'd like them very much. If you tell me something you like from back home, I'll try and get my hands on some stuff to make it, or look if there's something similar in Thria to it? Less bland ... or spicy.", Yujin offered up, still smiling from ear to ear. This was just a minor setback, nothing else.

"Gotcha." Richard wanted to heal, not constantly be exposed to that which hurt him - Yujin understood, and he should get going either way. "Alright, I'll get those then. You sit tight, alright?" He got dressed first, more than he already was, he could have shed the leisure clothes and put on actual stuff, but Yujin didn't feel like it, so instead of getting rid of layers, he simply added to them. Heaps of socks, and pants, and padding in clothing, and then some boots - Silesse was still the most ridiculous place to live, wasn't it? "See you soon!", he giggled and then turned to leave, out the back door of the ice castle that felt so foreign in this very moment; he trudged through the backroads of the snowy capital of nowhere, a ghost city in its own right - there was no warmth to be found among its frigid floes, in its shivering embrace; Yujin felt at home here, but he knew that Richard didn't have to, that he hailed from elsewhere, and even as he approached the dust-ladden hut, he knew that nothing good waited for him beyond that doorstep. Nobody had locked it, yet, likewise, not a single person had seen to ransacking it, and thus, the door gave way eventually, at Yujins pushing and pulling to get the ice out of the way, which had seemingly created a bond between both the door and the wall. Once he was past that, he hurried in, but there wasn't much left here, anyway; not that they had a lot to begin with. This place looked like someone had gotten up and was going to be back eventually, and yet, nobody would ever set foot in here - not anytime soon. Nayantai wasn't his concern, was he now? But Richard didn't wan't to be here, and Yujin wouldn't force him to. Instead, he went to grab what had been asked of him, still contemplating the hide he'd been offered.

Richard didn't want to ask for too much, even though Yujins family certainly had the money and even if not, they could probably ask Dayan to send stuff for Richard over. He still cared about his brother, at least Richard thought he did. "Well... maybe just some salt and pepper?", Richard asked. He could just add how much he wanted to the food he got, so it tasted a bit more like something. They had many spices in Fhaergus and Myriad, but he didn't ask for them, or for the ones they grew in Lavern and Olette, they'd probably not go bad, but they'd have to cook with them and he didn't want to trouble the kitchen. Salt and Pepper he could just have in his room and use whenever he needed to. "I'll wait here.", Richard eventually smiled, sitting down on his bed. He still got exhausted easily, he wasn't at all in any shape and he hated it. Yet he didn't feel like his body had it in it to gain any strength back. All of this sucked, but he swallowed down the sigh that wanted to escape him.

Instead he waved Yujin goodbye. He'd probably not take long, so Richard didn't have time to work on his present for him, maybe he'd accidently see it before it was done, so instead he took one of the books he got and some papers he'd written down the Silessian words he didn't understand before. He wanted to learn a bit more while he had some time, but today the seclusion in here got to him a little bit. He felt restless, tried to snuggle up under his blanket while he tried to memorize some words, but it was cold and lonely and he didn't like it. He sighed, closed his eyes for a moment and tried to just calm himself down. He wondered if forgetting what happened would really help, or if the things he experienced just burnt itself in his body and soul. He'd just forget why he was feeling anxious and scared. No, telling Yujin to stop taking that medicine only to take it himself was stupid and he'd be a hypocrite. He'd just have to learn how to manage himself.

Yujin came back not too long after, with everything that Richard asked for in tow - it wasn't a lot, but he'd not wanted to uproot something that was either stuck or frozen in place for real, or bring something that would only hurt him more than it ought to. Surely, there had to be a time and place for any of this, and Yujin himself decided, as fun as it would be, that it wasn't now when Richard was still arguably weak and would fall apart at too much of a push and shove into any direction. Therefore, he kept the things in the hut that needed to be there, and just laid the other stuff out for Richard, to make sure he'd gotten everything he was asked for - Yujin felt proud when he did, quite adept for once, and then just decided to spend the rest of the evening with Richard. His birthday was a bit away, still, but given the salt and pepper question, he'd best put in an order for it, among other things, tomorrow - there was something he'd thought about for a while, and making it reality didn't seem so outlandish now, of all things, when it was freezing cold and lonely in this castle of soltitude that seemed so high in the sky, very few people would probably even bother with scaling it to break in. Why try, when Shurens methods of dealing with prisoners were less than stellar?

The shipment he'd asked for arrived literally right on time - it was the night before Richards birthday, which seemed like it would drive him mad. He'd snuck out, trying his earnest not to be noticed, and slipped a recipe for a cake into the kitchen, translated it diligently, and had put down the ingredients he'd ordered - the salt and pepper he'd simply bring to Richards room, but there was another thing he had to deal with for the night, which were two rowdy kittens that he had asked for. They were still small, enough to put them inbetween the layers of his garments to hide them from prying eyes and keep them warm, but loud and rowdy enough to paw at one another and Yujin with their little claws, who simply entertained them by sticking in his hand and getting swatted at for his arrogant response of thinking they'd let him, of all people, play with them, of all creatures. With tiny scratch marks on his hand, he teased them some more - they were feisty, just like Richard had been once upon a time, it seemed; well, one of them was, the other seemingly used the time to purr and knead itself to sleep in its new, warm cocoon of clothing layers. Spending the rest of the night with them was uneventful enough, but by the time the first speckles of sunrise dotted the sky and morning came by, he slipped back into Richards room, carefully laying down next to him and keeping the tired kittens at bay - Yujin simply watched Richard, in hopes he slept well, but he never knew, even if his face was serene, and the backdrop of the first rays of sunlight was bathing him in rays of shine.

Richards life in Silesse was uneventful and that was a good thing. Yujin spent time with him, sometimes Richard sent him off to do something fun while Richard worked on his own projects, like practicing the Silessian dialect or reading and writing Thrian and sometimes he carved on the talisman for Yujin he may want to give him at some point. He was still not sure if there ever was a right moment, or if he should give it to him in the first place, but he'd have it regardless. Not every day was easy, Richard struggled with some more than others for no apparent reason. Sometimes he also just wanted to be alone to not be a burdon on Yujin all the time, even though he claimed he didn't mind that. Muhan was nice to him in the mornings when Yujin trained, but Richard was yet too scared to ask if he could join in a bit and he probably didn't have the energy for it either. Shuren also checked on him frequently, making sure he wasn't in any pain.

When he woke up this morning Richard forgot it was his birthday. He lost track of time overall, some days just bled into others weirdly. As he opened his eyes he looked at Yujin who lay next to him and grinned from ear to ear. "Morning...", Richard mumbled still tired. He didn't like staying in bed for too long, it felt like his life already flew past him, with him having not enough energy as he used to. When he first was here he didn't sleep a whole lot either, but now he felt different. Everything was just so hard, just to get up was, sometimes even just sitting around was. Richard moved his hand out of the blanket to grab Yujins, then closed his eyes again for a moment. He wasn't quite awake or ready for the day yet. He was just glad Yujin was here, even though he always was anyway.

Yujin looked at Richard and how his chest rose and settled, how the sun bathed him in light even through the thick curtains in this room and how he looked at peace, finally, after so long, and yet, he never truly was - if he had a good night, he probably needed that sleep, given the usual troubles they encountered. He didn't want to rip him from that, tear him out of a well-deserved rest and instead, he watched him, ran his fingers across his hair and just kept an eye on the perceived peace that currently rolled through the room as the world around them was about to wake up fully, freed of expectations that they had to denote themselves to another full day of work. A small grin snuck onto his face as Richard stirred, then it softened into a smile when he heard the croaky, raspy voice of a man that definitely didn't have the least turbulent of nights. Shouldn't he relax? They could wait, until the cat was quite literally out of the bag, but he also knew that an early start would be nice, to get Richard to feel like he was actually doing something instead of just sitting and laying about all day long.

"Good morning.", he mused and held the others hand comfortably tight in his own, running his thumb over the back of it as he looked at him. The weariness was settling in his cold bones, wasn't it? Yujin wanted him to be safe, to be whole, and here, in this cocoon, he had everything he could ever want - they'd keep him safe, and away from places they only hurt him; and then, Yujin wanted to go on adventures with him, outside of this place, free from having suffered a fate unimaginable. They lay there, for a little while longer, before he felt something stir between those layers of clothes, maybe because they were hungry themselves, or because it was getting a bit toasty beneath the blanket. "Psst, Richard.", he whispered into the other mans direction, knowing that he'd either have to face the consequences of getting him an unwanted gift, or just keep it a secret and not actually fess up. But that wasn't Yujin - he was full of energy and love, and he wanted to confess to his - maybe unwanted - present already. "I got you a present, and I have it right here. Do you want to see it?" Well, it needed a name, too, but there were two of them. Richard would surely at least like one, no?

For a while Richard just lay there, more calm with holding Yujins hand like that. He knew he was save and not alone here and yet it was so much easier when he felt someone by his side he trusted. This castle wasn't short on untrustworthy people. Shuren was nice to him now, but this man was so unpredictable and self centered, it was hard not to compare him to the likes of Aramis and his lot. There were secret kept in this place as well, about Yujin and what happened to him, all things Richard couldn't shake off. He wanted to get to the bottom of this at one point, now at the very least it was something he was aware and wary of. The walls of ice sometimes felt un-shielding as well, though Richard preferred the brightness of Silesse over the dark damp cellar he was forced to live in for quite some time, even at the times Aramis and his doctors cared for him. It shook Richard thinking about it. This was not the time.

Richard opened his eyes again as Yujin wanted his attention. There was a reason just lying around all day wasn't good for Richard. He wasn't able to control his thoughts like this, he needed something to focus on, but sadly often times he did not. Even when he got his hands busy thoughts snuck into his mind, only Yujin was able to deter them by just being himself and telling Richard about things, even if he heard them before. "A present?", he asked a bit confused, although Yujin sometimes just brought him stuff. Then it dawned on him however. "Oh... it's my birthday, isn't it?", he asked, surprised that Yujin remembered that of all people. He probably wrote it down somewhere. Richard slowly sat up, it was rude not to get up to receive a gift. He forced a smile on his lips and looked at Yujin. "You didn't have to, but yes, I'd like to see it."

When Richard stirred again, Yujin smiled at him, happy that he could get him to at least sit up - he knew that it wasn't always easy and that sometimes, there were days where he'd rather spend every single minute of them in bed, just to make sure he was getting all the rest that he needed these days. Was it too harsh to hope that he'd get well soon and no longer needed to actually spend so much time resting? It was something for sure, and Yujin knew he couldn't take Richards pain away, but he wished to at least be able to halve it, take some of it on himself and ensure he was alright, to some degree. Like this, instead, he was caught between chairs, unable to really offer a helping hand when Richard needed one, even when he tried his best. Sure, he knew now, but there always was something so profound and deeply sad about this man that it felt almost hard to gauge any sort of pain that welled up in those brown doe eyes of his; Yujin knew him to be vulnerable, more so now than ever before, and it hurt him, in a way.

"A present, yes.", he chuckled, almost perturbed by the idea that Richard forgot what day it even was, for him at the very least. Was he alright? Was there something he needed to fess up for? Yujin wasn't even sure as he sat up himself, and extended a warm smile towards the blonde, knowing that he couldn't do anything but make all of this easier to endure. At least they had each other, didn't they? "It is your birthday today, yes. And I figured I'd get you something, it's not a lot, but I hope it's enough?" Yujin was tiptoeing the line of what was alright now, and maybe Richard had already guessed he'd stuffed it into the very loose looking layer of clothes he called outerwear, something he hardly ever dragged to bed anyway. By his own admission, it was too warm, and by Richards words, it was one too many layers to actually get cuddly with. He was probably right, too. "Well, I figured you'd like a present. I know I don't have to, but I want to, you know?" Nervously, he scratched the back of his head. "I hope you like it, because if you don't, we have ... a bit of a problem?", he admitted, and, before long, finally reached into his own clothes to pull about one of the kittens, and then the other, carefully holding them up to Richards face. "I thought you'd like something like this." Holding them so close together apparently was enough to have them paw and mew at one another the moment they were out.

Richard wasn't prepared for a present, but at least it wasn't a party, he couldn't have handled that at all. What Yujin blabbered about hardly made sense to him before seeing what he came up with, so he patiently waited while the prince almost seemed like he wanted to drag it out. Was he so unsure about it? It somehow worried Richard, what could be something he'd reject at this point? The thick clothing Yujin wore was a bit suspect and he was right to assume that whatever the present was, was hidden inside. As he finally reached in and pulled something out, Richard for a solid three seconds didn't know what to say. "I..." This was... Richard never would have admitted that to Yujin before, but he loved animals, he always did. Dayan hadn't been that interested in them, but Richard liked taking care of them and being around them. They could never have one of their own in the castle, because of his fathers condition, but they had horses and his grandfather had dogs in Fhaergus.

This was cats however, Richard was equally happy though. "Where did you get them from?", he wondered reaching out a hand but suddenly he stopped. He wanted to take care of something, plants mainly, which he still started to have grow with what Yujin brought back from the hut, but cats were a whole different thing. Suddenly he was scared he'd hurt them somehow, even if it was an irrational thought. "Are... are they alright here...? They look pretty small... are they from here...?", he asked worried. It was terribly cold here after all and they were normal sized kittens, not giant cats matching the size of that bear he killed, or one of those weird birds that lived at the shore. "I'm... uh... what do they eat? Do we have food for them? Is your father alright with this?" He probably didn't want them running around in the castle, knowing him. "And where do they... you know... pee...?"

Yujin knew he either would strike gold or have to abandon this plan and real back - Richard was prepared for his shenanigans at times, but he knew he, too, overdid it and that there was no way to make up for certain things if he didn't think about it beforehand. Right now, they rested in his hands, the two little rascals of them, and Yujin seemed to be happy that they were so full of energy. "You?" He cocked his head to the side, like a dog that was trying to understand saomething but got confused instead, hoping his owner would explain - and even then, it didn't stop him from grinning ear to ear. "Huh?" Was Richard crestfallen or enamored? Yujin couldn't tell and he worried for a bit, but all that doubt suddenly came to a halt when his boyfriend, of all people, was being so hesitant with these little guys that it almost seemed like he was scared of something. They'd bite, maybe, but their bites were akin to nibbles and their scratches negotiable, and besides, he'd picked the most doting and loving ones, so used to people that they even slept in his clothes the first night - too trusting for their own good for a reason.

"I put in an order at the harbor when I went down there the other day, I think their mother lives on the ship, actually." A chief mouser, of sorts, and for her to have kittens, that was only natural - the more of them, the easier to get rid of rodents, and the more secure their shipments would be. It checked out. "Yes, they'll be fine. They should wind up getting pretty fluffy, besides, your room is the warmest in the castle, aside the baths. They're used to rougher conditions. And ... I think they're runts, really. Not that young, they can eat solid food by themselves. They showed me." And they were gluttons, like Richard could be, if Yujin remembered right - he giggled, the little bundles still eagerly in his hands as he looked at Richard, who seemed so so scared of these bundles of joy. "We do have food for them. And I did ask my father first - he said one might even cheer you up, and two is more than enough." Yujin held one of them up to Richards face, then pressed a tiny paw against his nose, meaning the little kitten soon found that it could put its paws on Richards face and so it did, clawlessly swiping at his nose a bit. "They eat meat and fish, and father said something about a balanced diet. He loves cats. Had one, before I was born, and according to dad he loved it to bits." A silky one, with long black fur, and an attitude to match Shurens. "Bathroom ... well, we have to get them acclimated to the castle first, maybe I should bring a box of some hay or sawdust here for the time being ... hm. Well, anyway. Do you like them?", Yujin giggled, then held up the second one too, both of them to Richards face. Actually, he had an idea. First, he took a kitten, hardly protesting, and kissed its forehead, and then, he pressed said forehead gently against Richards lips - he smiled, triumphantly.

If their mother lived on the ship it seemed they would be equipped to live in these temperatures. That was one worry off his back and yet he was still afraid he'd hurt them somehow. He knew it wasn't logical, they'd be fine here, having food and shelter. Apparently even Shuren was alright with it all, which Richard didn't think he would be. He also didn't think he cared much about how Richard felt, or at least not to that extent. One of the little one was put closer, touching Richards face with it's paw. Again, he knew that there was nothing wrong, it was just that his brain stopped working when he was inprisoned in Olette and often times produced fears that were more than unfounded. "I... I'm... yes, but..." Knowing that those two would be welcome in the castle anyway gave him an excuse not to care for them. Yujin could take them to his room or Shuren had them around his place. They'd be better off without Richard.

"I'm just... scared... I'll hurt them...", he finally admitted and knew it sounded stupid. Yujin was so proud of his present and Richard didn't honor it. "I just feel like... everything I touch breaks..." His siblings, his father and those plants which refused to grow. He knew it wasn't exactly his fault, the earth was probably dead and so were the seeds, but it had been so easy when he did the same in the hut. He finally stretched out his arms anyway and took over the smaller one of them, putting it carefully on his lap. He didn't want to hold it in place so it wouldn't run off, he just looked at it as it sniffed around taking in the new smell of his clothes. He was not sure what to do with them or with himself at all. "Thank you Yujin...", he finally said, "... I... I just need a bit..."

Was Richard appalled by his gift? Yujin could hardly tell, and every ounce of getting through the thick muck of uncertainty made it worse, like bile had risen in his throat and he was having anxious heart pangs, for better or worse. Was Richard not impressed? Not having fun? He gulped, but it was all for nothing - Yujin was imagining the worst in his head right now, only for it to dissipate in a second as his smile grew into a giggle. This was, well, it was everything he hoped for, wasn't it? No matter the reason, he'd have accepted Richards choice, but his stammering and the deflective attitude was something that he was used to. "But?", he reiterated for Richard who, either, was having a hard time finding the right words, or, for some reason, was simply not feeling it. Both was fine, really, and Yujin could always foist them onto others, but for the time being, he was happy to smile about all of this like nothing bad had happened yet. "You won't. I trust you. They're not as delicate as you think, but you also don't have a single mean bone in your body ... not unless you want to."

Richards touch, right now, was more like a gentle caress of the wind, a fine brushstroke on ancient parchment, with the ink dripping from it, gently staining both of them as he meant well. Yujin knew that a kitten was a better choice than a puppy, or even a cub of something - they were nimble, and they would have quite the attitude to match if need be. "It doesn't. I'm still whole, no? So is the necklace I gave you, or this bed, or our sheets, or your writing, and all the things you've done since you came here." Even the most mundane things needed time and Richards uncertainty was a sore point of that. Right. Things had changed, and much like Yujins missing memories, they ought to return at some point that wasn't now, but sometime in the future, if he kept being good about it. With a smile, he let Richard take one of them, then nodded. "That's alright, take all the time you need, we aren't in a rush." Should he leave? He didn't feel like it, and in fact, he was actually not going to force either of them to move right now, not when he put the other kitten down on the bed and it, ever so curiously, trailed after its sibling. "Look, you touched it, and it didn't break either. I think you're just the right amount of gentle." One that was deserving of a hug anyway, but he didn't want to overstep any pre-set boundaries right now, especially if Richard wanted to wallow in his conflicting feelings. "Do you need a hug?"

What Yujin said to try and make Richard feel better wasn't really the point. Richard didn't hurt his siblings and yet two of them died and Dayan... well he seemed like he did fine now, but he'd been hurt as well and was now with a man that was definitely not his friend, because Richard and Nayantai just left him behind. Richards father likewise had been hurt, greatly so and would not speak to Richard anymore it seemed. he wondered if that letter arrived, but he was certain he wouldn't get a response anyway. Richard just brought bad luck and doom to anyone and he was afraid it would hit Yujin as well and those little kittens who walked around the bed and Richard now, climbing little obstacles to discover new things in this different smelling bed. Somehow hurtfully they reminded Richard of Dayan and himself, how it had been. They'd always been together, Dayan usually incited some stupid ideas and draggen Richard along. Sometimes they got into trouble but would always take the blame together.

For Richard it felt like Dayan died as well, even though he learnt he was alive. He wasn't the same, he'd been somewhat distant despite trying to make Richard feel better, but mostly talked about himself and Lucien. It was only fair if he was mad at his brother for leaving him behind and maybe that was another reason why he sent Richard away to live in Silesse. Dayan didn't know about Yujin and Richards relationship to him, only few things Richard might have mentioned when he asked about that talisman, so even though Richard was doing much better here with Yujin around, Dayan couldn't have known that and chose to keep the two of them apart even after finding each other again. Richard didn't feel strong enough to muster a fake smile right now. "No, I... sorry. I think... I think I need to be alone for a bit. Not because of the gift! They can stay too, I really... I... I think it will be nice caring for them and having them around when you do other things... I'm just not feeling so well this morning. Sorry..."

Yujin wondered, still, if his gift was out of place and the moment Richards mouth moved and words fell upon his ears, Yujin knew anyway that it was in vain to attempt something or the other to tide this over with. There was, in fact, nothing he could do any maybe it hurt, but the stinging would subside, once his heart felt like it could comfortably expand with every beat it took - Richard was squeezing it, not on purpose, and Yujin smiled through it, although he felt a bit deflected, maybe like a kicked puppy at times like these, when he thought he did everything right but found himself in a situation that he wanted to avoid. It happened, he often told himself, and it wouldn't stop happening, he reasoned. "It's alright.", he told Richard, still smiling, putting his hands back down as he eyed that sullen face in front of him. This gift hadn't been a good one, had it? He should have known that it was too early, and that he should have asked first - maybe he should simply pack them up and bring them back to where they came from, they'd find someone that wouldn't- no, it was fine, really.

"I'll take my leave then, okay? If you need anything, just yell for me, and if you don't feel like you want them, you can tell me. I'll bring them back to where I got them from." Out of sight out of mind. Yujin sighed, just slightly, feeling hurt, and maybe the slightest bit unappreciated, but he could keep those feelings to himself - they would go away, and he knew that Richard never meant what he said like this. He loved him at some point, that much he could recall, and none of those moods would change any of that, as much was obvious. "There's nothing to apologize for, okay? I love you all the same, and now I'll leave you be." With that, Yujin got up and grinned, triumphantly, before he opened the door. "Take care, okay?" Yujin slipped out - they could postpone the cake, then, and he'd get some training in, and then a quick soak - maybe Richard would feel better by lunch, and if not, he'd take the brunt of whatever it was that hurt him in the first place. Regardless of anything, though, maybe simply trying to figure out something fun for Richards birthday and how to occupy his thoughts better would serve both of them well.

Yujin clearly was hurt by Richards reaction, he saw it in his eyes and his demeanor. Richard was sorry and terrible to be around. He'd had these mood swing when they first met too, but he expressed his discomfort differently, mainly searching for a fight for no good reason. Now it was even harder on him, knowing that his brother had been alive all this time, but alone with everything for over a year. Nayantai and Richard pretty much abandoned him in Adrestia with all these vultures trying to get a piece of the throne from the prince that was never supposed to be king in the first place. And Richard didn't even stop to ask who took the crown upon being back in Adrestia, he just assumed it was someone from Olette and that they'd get them too. None of this worked out. Yujin didn't want to hear any apologies, but Richard was sorry. He shut his mouth however and Yujin eventually left, leaving Richard alone with the two kittens.

It wasn't them, truly. It was just his thoughts going down paths sometimes he rather didn't explore and once Yujin left, Richard lay back down, burying himself into his clothes and blanket. Not only was his mind occupied by Dayan and Nayantai, he also was fairly aware that he'd been very ungrateful right now and Yujin probably had had some other surprises up his sleeve he didn't get to show him now. He couldn't help but start to cry and he couldn't help but feel incredibly alone. At least the kittens were here for some company and both of them were still a bit busy exploring. Eventually they were enamoured by what's under Richards blanket and burried their way into the vast network of underblanket caves. Running around underneath, both of them. Richard wondered if he could ever not think of his brother when he saw the two interact like that, he missed him greatly and no matter what Yujin did, that was a hole that couldn't be filled, much like he still grieved for his other two siblings. They too were inseparable but now would never get to grow up. Maybe some day he could visit the grave Nayantai and he made for them, but right now he still couldn't even leave the castle and he didn't even want to walk through its halls. It was the cats in the end that got him to get up anyway and muster some strength. With them both in his arms he slowly made his way out of his room, his hair probably still disheveled, to see if Yujin was in his and when he found him he carefully knocked. "I... I think they must be hungry...", he mumbled somewhat worried. They hadn't eaten since Yujin brought them over, which was a while ago now and it was easier to ask Yujin then go down to the kitchen and explain the situation.

Yujin didn't even know what to do with all of the alone time he found himself throwing around now - either, he had simply had bad luck and Richard was not in the mood because of the nature that this day bore, or he had genuinely fucked up and he wanted to bash his own head in over it. Rightfully so, he believed, but that only led to him not being able to concentrate on anything once the time came for him to best Muhan; he still sucked at it and didn't manage to do anything meaningful today, which of course came with his father paying attention to his failures and calling them out for what they were, wondering if he'd gone wrong omsewhere, or if something was bothering him. Yujin, none the wiser at times, shaked his head and, despite his initial insistence to ask the old man a question or two, he simply couldn't get himself to do it and denied any sort of claim for it was all the same, wasn't it? There was nothing to be found here that could help either of them, and a conversation like this was only going to keep him from thinking too much, so he shied away and fled to the bathroom, washing up and then returning to his room.

What was it that bothered Richard so much? He felt bad for not being sincere, and for maybe even letting it be known that he was somewhat disapproving of the reaction he had gotten, but he also knew that Richard might even take it in stride - he treated him like some fragile porcelain doll, which he wasn't, and Yujin knew that, even if he kept him save, he should stop with that for many more reasons than just that one. There was, among other things, a divide between the two of them that became ever more apparent whenever one of them was not feeling well - something that even he couldn't fix and yet, he wanted these things to be right. As he heard a knock, he expected a servant, but instead, someone else had come here - had weaseled his way out of his blankets, and his thin voice spoke reason into the mind of someone that was so self-occupied, he didn't even know what to do with himself. "Ah? Right. One second." Yujin had barely put on new clothes, but now he did, and he waltzed over to the door and opened, looking into Richards face - it was worn, his eyes somewhat red and puffy, and his hair was like a birds nest at this point. Yujin sighed with relief, then looked at the two kittens Richard had brought about. "I'll go get something for them to eat, and for you as well." He knew better than this, but he stretched his hand out regardless, just to fix Richards hair up a bit, even when they simply stood in the doorway of his room, the two of them, in a weird moment of silence. "What's on your mind? You don't have to tell if you don't want to, but there's something that's bothering you, right?"

It took a bit before Yujin opened the door and once he did Richard stared at him. He felt a bit embarrassed for his reaction and how this whole day went, but truth be told, he didn't think his birthday was a joyful occasion. He was simply feeling guilty for growing older when his siblings didn't. Yujin told Richard that he'd get some food for the cats and for Richard too. Right, he hadn't eaten a single bite today, but he didn't feel like it anyway and wasn't hungry. Yujin fied Richards hair as well. It was so long at this point and more prone to knot than Yujins, who never seemed to have problems with his long hair. Richard should probably just tie it together when he went to sleep, or cut it off, but he felt like he'd stand out too much here and he liked it at least a bit long. He stood out anyway with his blonde hair, since he was here he didn't see a single other person that shared his hair color, but that wasn't even something he worried too much about. He didn't leave his room anyway.

Eventually Yujin asked Richard straight out what it was that bothered him since the morning and the blonde averted his gaze and fixed it to the floor. "Just... the usual stuff...", he mumbled. He told Yujin what had happened in Olette, or well at least wrote it down for him to read, but that was really only half of the whole story. He only knew what happened before Richard first came here, but in much lesser detail at least Richard didn't remember telling him much about it and Yujin probably forgot anyway. Maybe he forgot all he read too, or about Dayan, Richard could never be sure. "I just... miss my siblings and... dad... both of them and I guess I... I don't think today is a good day, you know...?", he silently let out, still not looking at Yujin. "I'm sorry you planned some things for my birthday... it's just... it seems so unfair I get to get older while..." While his brother and sister do not. They were dead, never to grow up and so many things Richard had experienced in his life, they never got a chance to see. They'd been mere children and his father died way too young as well. Why was he the one to survive all these different scenarios that happened to him? He should be dead times over, but he was still here. "I'm sorry I'm like this..."

When Richard needed him, Yujin was there for him without asking too many questions - always. It didn't matter if what ailed him was trivial, even if it rarely was, or if it was a more hard-hitting thing, not in the slightest; he was happy to help and pick Richard back up, any shard of him that he could catch with those nimble fingers of his, and fix them back in place. Right now, however, even he felt lost, in a maelstrom of emotions and the realizations of another man, and for once, he might have regretted even asking something like this, as trivial as it seemed to him. Was he a failure for doubting himself, or was that because he got cold feet? Yujin was, currently, thinking too much about things that didn't matter and doubting something that he had foisted upon himself, acting like he didn't want it anymore because of the smallest reaction that had been incited over a particularly bad day - Yujin knew he was fearful of the future and what that would bring, considering how Richards mental state was, currently, but why back away from all of this? What did he have to lose? He wasn't doing either of them any favors by simply casting this man aside, after telling him he'd catch the stars in a net for him and lay them down at his feet.

"But it hurts more than usual, doesn't it?", he returned the question, and knew that he was hitting the nail on the head. Sure, they were conjoined on the hip at times, and Richard had asked for some space before, but it had never been as bad as it was today. A mellow feeling rose in his chest, Yujin couldn't tell what it was right off the bat, but he knew that it didn't just hurt him - he was still combing through the straw-y, blonde hair that Richard sported, musing about how haggard he could look at times, especially when ehw as feeling vulnerable, which happened more often than not in recent times. "I know. I won't be able to take that from you, or make you forget about it, but you do know, time does mend wounds. It's just to early, and it's not going to feel any better for a while, probably. You know that, don't you?" He was here to pick Richard up, even on the darkest days of the year, a past version of himself had sworn that to him, and Yujin, knowing himself and how he could be, would honor that until the end of time if need be. "There's no need to apologize, it's alright, really. You need time, but, I want to say one thing - it might be unfair in your eyes, but I'm sure they'd want you to honor what life they could live at some point. Still, we don't need to rush headfirst into this, we have time." Lots of it, no less. Yujin knew that the years would eventually pile on, and Richard needed to move on if he didn't want to become a husk himself, but it was just that. "What are you apologizing for? Stop it. It was alright months ago, it was alright last week, it's alright now. Richard, it's fine. I know my reaction wasn't stellar earlier, and I am sorry about that ... I thought I hurt you, and I blamed myself for not being able to do anything right." Yujin sighed, petted Richards hair one last time and then let go. "How about you go back, I get some food and we spend some time together with the kittens? There's no need for celebrations, but I think you might benefit from a hug."

"Mhm... I just... had to think about them..." With it being his birthday today and with the kittens that were siblings too, but that was neither Yujins nor the kittens fault. "I... I know that... in theory... I've overcome a lot of it before I suppose... though not really... anyway, it'll be alright..." He wasn't sure if he believed himself, but it was true that he'd been doing better when he first was here in Silesse. He didn't fully let go though and he thought revenge was the right thing to do, when it absolutely was not. There was still some anger inside of him, somewhere buried deep down, but there was definitely no fight left in him. This was all unfair and he still believed to know who was responsible, yet only one of them died and not even at his hand. This stupid devil did it, who just ripped Dayan away. He knew it was his own fault as well, for just leaving him behind, hurt and bleeding and all alone. Right now Richard felt his knees getting weaker.

"I'm... mh..." Richard was not thinking of harming himself, today was just a terrible day for him. He had had nice days in the previous weeks, days where he didn't think much about anything, but he also noticed that with the sheer terror that he felt subsiding, he had time to think about other things, like his family and his deeds. When Yujin talked like that, to cheer him up, sometimes he wondered if he grasped the magnitude of Richards actions and all that happened to him and his family from start to finish. "None of this is your fault Yujin...", Richard mumbled, meaning it too. Yujin had done nothing wrong, it was Richard who made mistake upon mistake and who couldn't get out of his head even now. "O-okay... that sounds nice...", he nodded, but he was unsure if he could manage even a bite. He was also unsure if he wanted to burden Yujin with todays mood, but he was also too tired to argue. Eventually he turned and walked back to his room with the kittens still on his arm. In his room he let them hop on the bed again, which for now seemed a bit high to jump on for them. He himself thought maybe it would help him if he petted one of them a little and the smaller one seemed to like it anyway, lying down making itself comfortable while Richard ran his fingers through its fur, kneeling at his bed, with his other arm beneath his chin and his head rested. He fought back some tears knowing Yujin could come in any second.