bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

    • Was it wrong to be out for so long? To Yujin, it had felt just right - like he needed to do many things at once, yet, he rather comforted Richard and spend time with him than indulge the world outside with his presence - it wasn't too odd in hindsight, and now that he was back, he wasn't even sure if he didn't want to take Richard with him one of these days, just to go watch the waves or go stargazing. Before he could do any more, he found the plant plucked from his very own hands, whisked away by Richard, who was doing much better than before - Yujins clothes also were a better fit, if not entirely, and he was sure that in due time, Richard would fill them out pretty well, much like Yujin himself that. There was no need for a seperate wardrobe, in theory, after all, they were almost the same size, height-wise at the very least, but there was still something that Yujin asked himself, unknowing of the entire situation. "Hm, can I ask you something? Did my clothes fit you well before?", the wolf wanted to know. After all, it didn't hurt, but if Richard didn't want to share his side of the story, it didn't matter much - Yujin didn't want to hurt him or remind him of something he'd rather forget, and yet, he felt inclined to, at the very least, ask.

      He set himself down on the bed, not his side but Richards, and wanted to reach for his own bowl of food, only to find one of many pieces of paper in his hands. As if he'd only waited for something like this, he carefully cast aside the fabric samples, placing them elsewhere on the bed, and holding onto that piece of paper he was entrusted with, leaving the medicine to Richard - it hadn't changed much since he first arrived, and neither of them had figured out what the blue stuff was for, but as long as it did what it was supposed to, Richard was most likely inclined to take it - and Shuren made sure to perform regular check-ups and adjust the dosage of Richards medication anyway. As for Yujin, his own hadn't found its way on his nightstand or Richards, for that matter, and now that he thought about it, it looked vastly different - but that wasn't what he was supposed to figure out for now. Instead, his eyes wound up glued to the piece of paper and he read what Richard had written down for him, not aloud this time - he wasn't sure if he should. The ink splotches were to be expected, as well as somewhat messy handwriting, given the fact that Richard probably wrote all of it while sitting in his bed, but Yujin could read it just fine. "So ... you wrote everything down that happened to you, from the moment you decided to leave to ... coming back? Is it because it's easier to tell me that way?", the wolf asked, grabbing Richards hand in turn - maybe he wanted to give comfort, or to be comforted, Yujin didn't know, but this felt needed.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • When Yujin asked if his clothes had fit Richard at one point he nodded. Once he even borrowed him some and he wanted to buy more for him too. Right now he was to thin for them, but otherwise they fit perfectly fine. He didn't go out, so nobody saw him anyway, it didn't matter if his clothes fit or not and while he lay in bed they usually got messy anyway. Richard wasn't sure why Yujin asked that right now, but it didn't matter much and as for the fabrics, Richard had no clue about what was considered to be a good pattern or color. If it was for him he'd probably pick something blue, but that was about all he could say about that. As long as Yujin didn't make a huge deal about it and brought a tailor in or something, Richard would be fine with it. He wondered if anyone outside the castle even knew he was here though. Some people probably spotted him at the harbor but since then no one saw him, so he might as well just left again.

      "N-no...", Richard eventually answered. "I wrote it for myself... but you can read it." He trusted Yujin and as of now he didn't start writing about stuff that he rather not thought about. The people he killed might have been innocent, he didn't really know who they were in the end, but it was something he couldn't change anymore. Maybe he deserved being exiled from Adrestia and he regretted killing them without asking questions. They weren't the ones haunting him at night however, which probably was only prov for his messed up mind. He wrote all of those thoughts down too. "Also... started at the middle... not finished either...", he added. It would probably fill a book if he wrote everything down and sometimes he got lost in his own thoughts while writing, trailing off somewhere else, towards his feelings, or wishes. Sometimes he wrote down dreams he remembered and what he thought they meant. He'd continue with the journey probably, but he wasn't sure if he'd ever write about Olette and the horrors that met him there.

    • Explaining things could be hard, especially if one didn't know where to start and it only grew worse if one accounted for the countless amount of things that could have happened and that - if they were talking away without reason or cause - would only be swept under the rug. Emotions played a big role, too, and Yujin knew that, because there was nothing that didn't resonate with oneself, especially when they spoke of it or wrote it down. Yujin knew that well enough, as well as he knew that no matter what it was that he attempted, he often lacked a sensical reason to just forget. His eyes poured over the first letter he received and tried taking in what Richard was trying to tell him, or much rather himself, and Yujin listened, squeezing his hand for some sort of long sought comfort. "I have lots of empty books.", he suddenly admitted, almost embarrassed about not thinking about any of it sooner - that was something that came with being forgetful and having too many options at ones fingertips. He didn't even consider that Richard would like one. "I could have given you one, so you'd have be able to keep them organized.", he elaborated on his own thought process.

      Richard was an odd one, a curious one at that and Yujin was the one that indulged him and his desires, his wants and needs, and didn't ask for much in return. His memories would come back eventually, at least he hoped, and the two of them figured out a few things, together at that. But in the end, Richard knew and kept those memories to himself, partially; and Yujin didn't dare ask why, but he also hadn't had any time to consult his own books, the key to all of his problems, and maybe, he'd go looking for them. "Is it really alright if I read this?" Now, he wanted reassurance, but he didn't want to pry Richard open like a book - he'd take whatever the blonde felt comfortable sharing, and it only followed that whatever or not it was just bits and pieces about things that happened or not, he'd read all of them. "It's fine. One step at a time is always good, and you can take as much time as you want - it's part of the process.", he assured the blonde, runing his thumb over parts of Richards hand, softly stroking it, as if the blonde was the one that needed comfort. With this, maybe he'd be able to understand him better - and Richard would be able to get all of this out of his system some way. Yujin smiled. "It's a pretty smart idea, actually! Would you, uhm, want to read some of mine as well? Given I can find them ... but I know I have them!"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richards hand was squeezed as if Yujin needed to hold on to him while he read what Richard had wrote all day. It would take a while for him to finish if he really wanted that and it only was a start of all the things he had to tell. He softly shook his head when Yujin mentioned some empty books to scribble in. Richard didn't need them, he didn't care what he wrote on or if those pages were in order or not. A book would have started in the middle of his story anyway and who knew if he wouldn't jump from one point in time to another and then nothing would make sens anymore or he had to start multiple books at the same time. This wasn't supposed to be his memoires or anything like that, his thoughts wer too scrambled and probably to private. Richard nodded, allowing Yujin to take a look again. Yujin could read it, maybe his father if he wanted something to do with his son, maybe Dayan, but Richard wasn't sure about that. Richard took the pages Yujin didn't read right now to order them for him and he scribbled page numbers on the corner, before giving it back and eying his soup. It would get cold and so he started eating.

      When Yujin asked if he'd want to read Yujins books too, he nodded. Nether of them knew what was inside, so maybe it wasn't fair, but maybe he learned something about Yujin and what he really felt once Richard left. He could learn if he was mad or swore himself to never trust him again and Richard would act accordingly. But for now he sat away his bowl of soup again and instead grabbed a whole bunch of blankets from the bed and put them on the floor in front of the only fire in this castle. it was getting dark and reading was better there if Yujin really wanted to. Richard made them a nest there and once he was finished he grabbed Yujins hand to pull him up and over there to sit down. Richard brought there food over next and Yujin didn't let go of the pages of paper. Richard also got some more empty pages with him. First they needed to eat and then Yujin could read while Richar wrote down something else, something he thought was truly for Yujin. First he gave him his bowl however and then continued to finish his own soup.

    • There was so much - Richard wrote down so much, Yujin didn't know where it started or ended, he only knew that all his fellow, presumably, wolf shared with him as nothing more than the story that he'd endure up until now, his life that was in shambles at this point and what led him to come here in the first place. Silesse wasn't a nice place for many people, and while Yujin lived here and genuinely enjoyed his life here, he also was fairly aware of the people that didn't think that way - that claimed that this place was cursed, haunted by people of ages past, and Yujin was just one more soul without a purpose, without a place to go, hanging around someplace he didn't belong to, much like Richard, much like just about anyone else that called themselves silessian. But this wasn't about him, or the fact that Richard was still moving, still scribbling away to guide the wolf through all he was willing to share, with both himself and Yujin at that, and he got up, moving most of what made up their bed away from it, all the way onto the floor, over there, by the fireplace, that suddenly seemed to be so far away, yet, was home to nurturing flames that every living being - especially that plant - could use some of.

      Yujin let his hand be grabbed and held onto the paper he was holding, studying every sentence just a bit too often, reading every last bit and savoring it for a second, as if it would help him understand the many things that had transpired - that even a version of himself with perfect memory wouldn't recall. "What are you ...? Are you cold?", he questioned. No books for Richard it was, none of his very own at least, but that of Yujin were fine - he'd go get them later, for now, he sank into the depths of the nest that Richard had built and Yujin wondered if it would have felt more comfortable someplace that wasn't made entirely of ice, and even then, as his own hand was let go of, he found his food in it, and more papers in the other hand of his. If anything, this was bound to be a long night, and Yujin wanted nothing more than for both of them to be comfortable, even if that meant they had to compromise their bed for the floor; it didn't matter much, the ice in Silesse never melted and the fact that this castle still stood, even with a fire burning in an icy fireplace, was proof enough. Still, it didn't mean he could be silly while his eyes wandered over the next page - he dipped his spoon into his own broth, probably much thicker than the one Richard was offered - and offered him up a spoon with a dumpling on it. "Want one?" His noodles weren't bad, most likely anyway, but it was still sad to see just how bland the food was - and Yujin had enough to share. What harm could one dumpling do anyway, especially after he'd sneaked Richard a bite of his own food time and time again? "It's not spicy, I promise.", he clarified, before he realized something. "Wait, you don't like spicy food? Am I remembering that right?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • No Richard wasn't cold, but reading in front of some light would be better for Yujins eyes. He shouldn't ruin them only because he couldn't wait to read those pages that were about the time Richard already left Yujin a few weeks prior. It didn't directly involve him and Richard had stopped thinking about Yujin every single day, because he was occupied with the task at hand. Every day back in Adrestia had been exhausting, in a good way back then and he bonded with Nayantai at night by a fire and some food. It probably wasn't very interesting for Yujin and maybe he'd even be scared of Richard for the things he'd done and the people he'd killed without a second thought. It would get completely dark soon, aside from the moon that maybe spent some more light, but othr than that the fire would be the only source of light. Additionally it was warm over there, which was only a plus point, though under multiple blankets Richard usually didn't feel cold either. Especially when Yujin was there to hold him and warm him up.

      Now that they ate and Yujin offered up a dumpling Richard looked at it for a bit. Then he just opened his mouth. He was bad with those chopsticks and he hadn't used them for a while. He only needed his spoon for th soup he got everyday and dumplings were squishy and slippery. He'd just drop it on the floor and then no one could eat it. Once Yujin put the dumpling in Richards mouth he chewed on it quite a while. He liked chewing, he never did it much lately and soup all the time became very boring and unsatisfying. Once he swallowed down he smiled at Yujin, before he finished the rest of his bowl. Aftewards he just sat it aside on the floor and once Yujin was done too, he cuddled up to him, making himself comfortable on Yujins lap and pulling a blanket over them. It would be much nicer to write like this. He took the empty paper und started to write. This time he wrote about Yujin and his first meeting in the hut. ABout how he acted and pushed him down the cliff, only to fall after him. There were less thoughts mingled in, because he didn't want to explain away his behavior, he wanted to be honest.

    • Losing hope out here was one of the very last things some people could afford - and Yujin would be lying if he claimed he wasn't one of them. Not only did he enjoy the time he spend with Richard, he was also grateful that he had the opportunity to do so in the first place. Plenty of things happened all the time, some out of necessity, others because of chance - and right now, all of this had happened what for, exactly? Yujin struggled to understand why he was allowed to partake in Richards fate, in the end of his life as he knew it - or at the very least the one in Silesse. The story didn't offer up any comprehensive way as to how he came here, or who he was before, and yet, the second prince of Silesse didn't even think about asking - he knew well enough that, with all those things he was reading right now, there had been a time before Silesse was his home, if it ever was more than a temporary residence, and Yujin himself was the one that, despite everything, was the one that hadn't changed. Richard, on the other hand, had; and he'd continue to do so, for better than for worse hopefully, as long as Yujin offered him some sort of comfort. Once he'd finished his own food and carelessly put the plate aside - it wasn't like it would get stuck to the icy floor anyway - he let Richard come closer, who had seemed much happier about eating something solid, rather than gloopy soup with some noodles that had turned so soft, the hardly had a bite to them, if any at all.

      Now, Yujin felt slightly bad, considering that no matter what it was that he did, he could only ever offer Richard a small amount, at least until he got used to it again - and they shouldn't rush, lest their hard work was all for naught and Shuren would bar him from ever interacting with Richard again for not aiding in his recovery any longer. Did he truly fear that? Yujin liked his father, or much rather wanted to like him, and yet, sometimes it was hard to do just that, especially when all that was happening seemed to be one big, incomprehensible mess that - often times - hardly made sense to any of them. Being close was nice, especially when Richard did so on his own accord, proving to Yujin that he wanted this, and that the wolf wasn't doing anything wrong by simply initiating physical contact first, at least most of the time - but even then, Richard was the one that, despite not liking anyone elses touching all that much, had instantly warmed up to Yujin - for another reason that he didn't dare ask up until now. There were plenty of things that were questionable in Richards story, some made his own stomach turn for a bit - but it all followed a purpose, and had no comprehensive end, at least none that Yujin could find among those stacks of paper; and as he put his chin on Richards shoulder, stealing a glance to whatever he was writing now, he pulled the blanket the slightest bit tighter, hugging Richards waist in the process. "Can I ask something?", he suddenly mumbled. "If you went home because you wanted your revenge ... are you back here because of your own volition?" His throat felt indescribably dry, and his heart was hammering a bit too hard for his own liking - was he expecting an answer that he knew he wouldn't get? It was weird, to say the least. "I can understand why you left, but that still begs another question.", he tacked on, but he didn't know how to ask it. "Aren't you ... lonely?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Wheras Richard had written his first story from his perspective, using words like I and my father to further the story, he wrote the story about his and Yujins first meeting for them both, addressing Yujin as you and not as he. He told him how he was a dick that didn't want to talk to him. That was angry about the visit and didn't even say a proper hello to his parents. He told him how he fled rom the situation by climbing out the window and how he acted like he didn't speak any Thrian for a while. He wrote down how they ended up by the cliff and were fighting, how Yujin told him he should just push him off and that Richard didn't remember if he did, or if Yujin just fell on his own. He wrote down how he caught him but ended up falling down with him and that he had been scared Yujin drowned. Richard lost nothing more than his coat and afterwards they swam to land and made their way back to the hut. Richard had still been angry by then, so much in did that all culminated in him punching Yujin, breaking his nose and their parents pulling them apart to bring Yujin home.

      While he was still writing all of that down Yujin pulled the blanket closer and hugged Richard a bit more, but he had questions and Richard wasn't sure if he wanted to answer all of them. He froze and stopped writing, then he let his head hang as he collected the courage to answer. He shook his head, no he wasn't here because he wanted to go back to Yujin. Daan asked about him, but there wasn't much Richard told him. In the end his brother exiled him and sent him here. Initially Richard didn't even think he'd see Yujin again and now he sought his attention, even though he never thought of coming back here. He was ashamed because of that, but he was honest at least in giving Yujin the answer that no, he didn't come here of his own volition. The second question confused Richard. He wasn't alone, Yujin was here, wasn't he? So he just shot him a puzzled but also apologetic gaze by turning his head to him.

    • The wolfs eyes followed the things that unfolded on the paper before him, read the words carefully as Richard formed them and tried to make sense of them with his inner eye, as if he was trying to make the story play out again, over and over, until he'd come to the realization that no, none of this was worth forgetting in the first place. It was odd - it seemed like his memories were gone entirely, deleted completely, simply because there was nothing worth remembering, but whenever Richard tried to make him remember something, it often times came flooding back to him, like high waves that had been contained by a dam before, but were unleashed just now. It was odd to be precise, but right now, he could only stop in his tracks and wonder what was happening, how it was happening and how much time would pass until he'd figure something - anything - out for both of them. Happiness was something that would only continue to prosper if the two of them could find a common goal, and right now, it seemed to be one of two things: making Yujin remember and Richard feel better, almost as if they both were using one another for their own, very much selfish gains. Silence persisted for a while, and almost as if he was anticipating something like that, he touched his own nose - the one that Muhan had fixed with a quick grip, and that Shuren sometimes complained about. It wasn't noticeable right away, but ... Yujin grabbed one of Richards hands, leading it to the bridge of his nose and letting him touch the area, that obviously was somewhat crooked upon further inspection.

      "So that's your doing?", he asked, giggling about it as if they were nothing more than playmates that had overstepped one too many boundaries for anyones comfort that night and he'd gotten his just desserts. He followed the things that Richard didn't dare spell out, appreciated the honesty of the man that he was supposed to understand better than he already did, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something else, something much more important to remember than the details of a story that sounded like it had been a good, long while ago. Those reddish brown eyes, looking directly at his own, had a sense of familarity about them, and yet, Yujin failed even the simplest of task, it seemed. An embarrassed smile was all he could muster. "I just ... well, your family is in Adrestia, aren't they? Don't you miss them?", he asked, much more specific. Surely, Richard wouldn't be lonely with someone around, but maybe he was homesick, or merely missing those who gave him comfort - if they did. Not once did the words he spouted about his father seem like they carried hostility, and he much rather talked about bettering their relationship. "Also, I'm sorry. I didn't know you ... were here but didn't want to be. Would you ... want to go back home?" Yujin already felt bad upon spelling it out, like some part of him wanted to be the selfish one for now and keep Richard right where he was - but their relationship wasn't that, they probably had been friends, nothing else - and yet, that didn't explain some of his impulses, but maybe ... "If you do, would you take me with you this time?", his voice sounded shy and meek all of a sudden, maybe even a bit sad - the answer would be no again, he could already feel it, but ... had they even talked about this before?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard wrote and wrote and Yujin silently watched and read instead of reading the other pages Richard gave him. It took quite some time to write everything down and come to a conclusion, by now it was pitch black outside, but the fire kept lingering on and spent them light and warmth equally. Richards hand started to hurt from all the writing and from the weird position he had it in during doing so. Sitting at a table would probably have been preferable, but he wanted to finish this story and when he did, at the point Yujin stormed off to get home, Yujin already chimed in and grabbed Richards hand to put it on his nose. The blonde never noticed that there was still something from that day left, somewhat of a small bump on Yujins nose. Richard looked ashamed to the side and he put the piece of paper away to reveal a new empty one on which he wrote a big "Sorry". He wanted to add something else too, so he wrote down: "In that moment, I probably would have done worse if nobody would have pulled me off, but it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry."

      Richard looked back again as Yujin had more questions, questions that were hard to answer. He nodded at him and his eyes grew a bit more sad. He missed his brother and his father, but both of them were out of reach and not the same anymore. They might as well have been dead. Richard scribbled on the paper again. "They have changed and they don't want to see me." Richard looked back again and shook his head. He wanted to stay here, at least for now, Yujin was the only one left that he felt connected to and Richard didn't want to lose that and when Yujin expanded his question and asked Richard if he would take him with if he left again, Richard nodded with certainty. Then he put the paper aside and instead grabbed Yujins hand while he also cuddled up to him more. He didn't want to leave him ever again, that had been a big mistake from the very start.

    • Asking questions was not only Yujins forte, it also meant that he was making a fool of himself for more than one reason - he wanted to hear, to listen, and to know more about Richard who’d endured so much, who’d fought what seemed like an uphill battle, only to end inbetween the frigid floes of a nation that was so desolate, it seemed like a miracle that anyone even knew it existed in the first place. Hopelessness, however, wasn’t what anyone should turn their sorrows into - and Yujin firmly believed that everything could be fixed, one way or another, and Richard wasn’t worth leaving behind at any point. “It’s all in the past now.”, he answered, regarding the apology he’d received. Yujin wasn’t hopeless himself, clung to long lost ideals and hoped to attain the best - to be the best version of himself at all times, and yet, he was able to forgive without much of a second thought, not willing to carry the burden of his past any further. Holding grudges wasn’t like him, and he’d not hold one over a broken nose. “I was pretty annoying, wasn’t I? Probably asked the wrong questions at the wrong time, too - wouldn’t be the first time it happened. I’m sorry, sometimes I’m just way too insensitive.”, he lamented - Yujin didn’t mind, he knew that much himself, and it felt as it Richard was the key to the lock that his very own existence represented.

      As the blondes expression shifted, so did his own and he wondered if he’d reached one of those breaking points he’d talked about, even if he wasn’t able to figure out wherever those mean bones in Richards body were supposed to be, he was surprised once more. He’d hit a bad spot as it seemed, but Richard wasn’t mauling him or right back to breaking his nose, no - instead, he fled into his embrace, making himself comfortable against Yujins body, searching for his hand again, just like he’d do himself. “They don’t want to see you? Isn’t that harsh?”, Yujin inquired, but it was no use - this wasn’t his place to be or ask, in fact, Richard was the one that had to suffer because of them, and all that one lone wolf out here could do was to offer him shelter, from both the frost and his thoughts, as best as he’d manage to. A headshake, then a nod - and Yujin felt relieved and yet bad again; relieved about not being left behind a second time, bad about not being honest to Richard, something he’d usually value, and bad about not having a good answer for him, all the while he rested himself against his body. “Would you … like to stay here with me?”, he then tried to question. If Richard was of nobility, maybe Shuren would let him … no, that was stupid, what if he was just getting into his own head and they weren’t even romantically involved at all? That was frustrating. “Not … here, here. Like, the castle here. Somewhere warmer, better.”, he tacked on. Yujin squeezed Richards hand firmly, no longer afraid that a bit pressure would make his bones snap in half - and if anything, he’d missed that feeling and the comfort that he himself experienced. With his remaining arm, he pulled Richard closer, almost as if he were to reel him in - to have him all to himself, offering him some comfort of his own, too. “Did we … hold hands a lot?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Of course Yujin wasn't angry about having his nose broken, even back then he was angry for like half a day and then he invited Richard to join him and braided his hair... And then he came by again and again until Richard warmed up to him and his walls were shattered, letting the wolf inside and fall in love with him. It wasn't enough to stay however, but in the end going to Adrestia didn't help with his nightmares, it had made them worse and Flora nd Atwick remained dead. At least he knew Dayan was alive, but he sent Richard away and his father didn't want to see him anymore either. Now Richard was fleeing into Yujins arm who quite frankly should dump Richard too. He was too much work and he'd been horrible to him for a very long time and then he just lied and lied, never once telling Yujin the truth. And then he left, he simply left and didn't think about Yujins hopes and dreams when he got locked up in that castle by his father.

      "I... I caused my brother... a lot of trouble... and I'm a threat... to his position...", Richard slowly explained now that he had put away the paper and had to speak himself. "And there is no... room for me now that he is marrying..." All of that was the truth and there was more. "He is mad at me too... for not searching for him... and or being the one... our father saved..." Dayan had thrown that at him more than once. Richard didn't cry once since he was here, but now he was wetting Yujins clothes he pressed his face against. "My father... can't look at me because of what happened... it's my fault... I asked him if he wanted to come with me... he said no." He started sobbing and tried to wipe away his tears a bit, but they wouldn't stop. Then he strongly nodded his head. Yes he wanted to stay here with Yujin, the only person left that still gave a damn about him and that was able to brighten his days by just smiling at him. He squeezed back Yujins hand and then nodded once more. They always held eachothers hands whatever they did.

    • There it was - a flood of tears and pain, of words long since swallowed and stashed away, supposedly to keep oneself save. Yujin hadn’t seen or heard Richard cry, not thus far, not in this bubble of his that was about to burst anyway. Holding Richard close and rubbing over his back was all he could do, all the while holding his feeble hand - suddenly, he seemed so fragile again, as if he was about to break into a thousand pieces, if just about anyone spoke the wrong word, and Yujin indulged him, time and time again, simply because he could - because nobody else was making a fuzz and they were so close anyway, it tugged at the wolfs heartstrings. Richard was hurting, all over. “Richard.”, he muttered, trying his utmost to take all those feelings into account - to care for someone that needed a shoulder to lean one, one that he didn’t have in way too long. Was all of this his families doing, too? No, it didn’t sound like it, and yet it was enough to upset him greatly - Yujin had dug too deep, too fast, and now he had upset Richard. “I’m here for you, alright?”, he suddenly uttered. He was supposed to marry, soon at that, and now he was throwing all of that out of the window - even though he couldn’t. Richard had apologized for lying earlier and now Yujin was lying into his crying face, not admitting anything to the blonde or himself - he no longer would be able to consider himself just, or kind, or anything for that matter. But none of that was relevant in this very moment; they were just trying to make things work out for both of them, trying to keep it together and Yujin was the one that offered plenty of comfort to someone that, despite initially not even taking a pinky when he was offered it, took the entire hand right now.

      “None of this is your fault. Don’t be so harsh on yourself. They’re wrong.”, he spoke, wanting nothing more than to swaddle Richard in his arms - he pulled on him, offering a barrier between him, the blankets and the icy ground for Richard to warm up against, prodding himself up on one elbow. Speaking wasn’t Richards forte, Yujin knew as much, but it was nice to hear his voice regardless - he came out of a shell that he’d locked Yujin in, too, and they didn’t have to do it any other way. “It’s not like you could pick who got saved, or whatever or not you had the opportunity to search for your brother. And your father should know better - nothing is your fault Richard, not a single thing.”, he reassured him, as if Yujin truly knew what was going on. Did he? He wasn’t sure, but he doubted that he knew the full picture. “You’re here now, and I won’t abandon you. I don’t hate you, I won’t ever do that - they’re wrong to just abandon you like that.”, he huffed - he was angry now, not at Richard, but at his family that just threw him away like an used tissue, something without value. And yet, Yujin was hardly better. “I’ll keep you safe.” If no one else would commit to it, he would - someone had to, even if it wasn’t family. The wolf stroked over Richards back, over his hear, unsure what else he was supposed to do. If he needed to let it all out, he was able to do just that in Yujins arms - he wouldn’t cast him away, not even if he remembered all that had happened between them. The nods, however, were a different story entirely - they made him smile. “That makes me … no, you make me happy.”, he chuckled and squeezed Richards hand as some sort of reassurance. “I want to do the same for you.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard didn't want to cry in front of Yujin or anyone, he thought he'd be able to hold it together by letting his thoughts be consumed by Yujin and his silly ideas, but now that he started to talk about his family and what had happened, he couldn't anymore. Writing had been fine initially, but he only scratched on the surface and wrote down rather happy memories. Despite falling in the cold sea and hating Yujin for a bit, it still was the first time they met and despite killing a bunch of people Richard wasn't sure if they deserved it, he spent time with his father and after a while bonded with him much more than they ever had before. But those actions condemned Richard anyway and as of now he hadn't dared to write or speak about the things that undeniably happened too. Life wasn't always easy, especially for Richard as of late and he had to work through it someday. maybe crying helped him, at least he felt better with Yujins arm around himself and the touches that were supposed to calm Richard down. Still, he started thinking about the things that had happened and the way out was a hard one.

      Yujins words did almost nothing however, Richard knew he wanted to help and comfort him, but he didn't know what happened, not at all. All he said was speculative with missing the whole picture which explained both his brothers and his fathers actions. Whereas he was right that Richard hardly could influence who his father took with him or where he brought him too, maybe he could have left sooner or at least checked out Myriad once they were there. Regarding what had happened to Nayantai and him, that was completely on Richard and he understood why his father stayed behind. It wasn't a matter of love, they still were father and son, but that wasn't enough to overcome their trauma. Richard grabbed some part of Yujins clothes and pressed his face against him while he shook his head. "He didn't want to go... I acted to hastily and then...", he started, Yujin probably missed the context, but Richard wasn't able to focus right now, not when he thought back to the day they fought Ares and he saw his father lying on the floor like that. That hadn't even been the worst part. "We were captured because of me...", he continued and Yujin had seen the deep scars on Richards body, if not the whole story, it told some of it. Richard wanted to tell Yujin what happened, but he didn't know how, the words got stuck in his throat. He held onto Yujin a little bit stronger. He wanted to be with him, to stay at his side, but Richard knew that he hardly was someone who'd be able to make Yujin truly happy, not right now. He should have married him when he had had the chance, now it was too late. Richard loved Yujin, he really did, but it hardly mattered now and he couldn't tell him either.

    • Yujin was, if anything, not someone that was well equipped to deal with things that he normally wouldn't encounter - obviously, all of that included the fact that yes, while he liked Richard, wanted him to get better and up on his own two feet, he could hardly help him if he didn't know what was wrong with him in the first place. The only thing that he knew how to deal with was, frankly, a variety of mixed emotions that didn't run too deep - and right now, he had made the decision to help someone that, by all accounts, was not only unable to help himself, but also someone as deeply flawed as he could get. They both had made their own decisions, whatever they were caused by chance or really happened because they needed to, but Yujin, on one hand or the other, was not only none the wiser, he also knew fairly well that no matter what it was that he did, he was trying to appease Richard, one way or the other, and get his mind out of the gutter that it was stuck in for way too long. Happiness wasn't something either of them should be denied and yet, there wasn't anything they could do about the many things that they did - even if Yujin was the one that held onto the crying man in his arms, that pulled him in for a hug, and cuddled so much closer to him that it seemed impossible to ever get away from him again. Slowly but surely, his hand stroked over Richards back - it wasn't a weak touch this time, he already knew that Richard didn't hurt, at the very least physically. He'd be walking on eggshells if he said something wrong, and he'd make Richard more and more uncomfortable if the two of them persisted to talk about things that the other didn't quite understand, didn't quite catch. One way or the other, this conversation was a doomed one, and as Yujins hands grew somewhat jittery themselves, he only found himself strengthening his resolve.

      Whatever it was that Richard had gone through, he wanted to be the one that helped him, even if it was just a temporary fix. "Richard.", he resounded, his voice still calm, his thoughts still where they should be. He listened, took his time, but it was fairly obvious that he'd been the one that had plunged the blonde into this hole that he was no desperately trying to claw his way out of yet again - almost as if, no matter what Yujin did, he'd undeniably remind Richard of a past that he didn't remember, couldn't recall because he wasn't there. "You fought an uphill battle and eventually lost, no?", he asked, and yes, he lacked context, but Richards initial task was clear - go back home, get revenge - his thoughts, coming to life on paper, had told Yujin that much and while there was nothing more than that, aside from the fact that Richard had left him alone, in the dark about it all, and that neither of them were who they used to be, it was fine. To Yujin, it didn't matter - even if Richard piled up a mountain of corpses at his feet. "You're here now.", Yujin told his fellow wolf, mustering a smile that Richard couldn't see, all the while he was trying to help him out of his very own man-made misery. "I'll keep you save, nothing's going to happen to you ever again.", he voiced, as if he was fairly certain that yes, Silesse was the safest country out here and yes, Yujins arms were the safest place on earth. "I'm sure he doesn't hate you ... I doubt he's capable of that." And yet, Yujin didn't recall who Richards father was, couldn't tell - he only had a name, and probably the same opinion as everyone else, but it didn't matter, it never had. "I'm not a good substitute, but I'll listen. You can let it all out. My opinion of you won't change." It never had, it never would and it never did. If anything, Yujin loved Richard - unconditionally, like he always would - even if he himself didn't realize that. No, instead he was holding Richard closer, brushing over his hair, slightly tugging on it whenever one of his fingers got stuck; he couldn't do much else but comfort him.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard wanted Yujin to know everything, but he couldn't tell him, especially not now that it was already so late and dark outside that he couldn't even write it down if he wanted to. He didn't know if he wanted to, he didn't know if he wantd to think about it, right now he only wanted to be hugged by Yujin, be calmed down and eventually stop crying. Once he started crying however, there didn't seem to be a stop to it. He hadn't cried since he got here, somehow he locked all of that up inside himself and Yujin did a great job in distracting him night and day with silly games or books, or by simpl talking about trivial stuff. Whenever Dayan had tried that he ended up by what he was up to lately, by his marriage Richard didn't want to happen, or by his plans for Adrestia and his stupid planned war with the south which Richard didn't approve of. He upset him more and more with it, but Yujin - maybe because of his bad memory - talked about the most trivial things with an excitement that was captivating. Richard loved listening to him, even if he only talked about some ten minuts encounter in the kitchen that morning.

      Richard grabbed Yujin harder, with all the strength his weak body had left. He gained weight yes, but he barely left his bed and he didn't even think of training again. All the muscles he lost in Olette and then sub sequentially in Myriad didn't just reappear and thus Yujin was the one stronger right now. A year ago this would have upset Richard, it would have motivated him to train even harder, to show him that he could beat him, but right now Richard just leaned into the stronger arms he felt could protect him for real. He didn't want to go anywhere else, he didn't want to go back home, he just wanted to stay here with Yujin a while longer, even though it was selfish and he kept him from living his well deserved life. Getting rid of Yujin never had worked anyway though and as long as he wanted to be here, Richard would accept that and if he wanted to go, he'd let him too. Richard shook his head however, strongly at that, he couldn't tell Yujin anything, he really didn't. It had nothing to do with being scared Yujin might start to hate him, it was just impossible for Richard to find the right words.

    • There it was, the very realization that yes, Richard wasn’t able to protect himself from any of the possible thoughts he might have had - and there it was, Yujins realization that, while he might try to avoid all the bad things that the world had to offer, he wasn’t well-equipped enough to keep Richard away from his own thoughts. He could try, as much as he wanted to and then again, they’d find themselves back in this situation - the very same one, that helped Richard get closer to his own thoughts, to crawling back out of the very shell he was hiding in. Was Yujin truly helping him or just pushing him down further the well that he was in? It didn’t matter, though - he held onto Richard and tried to calm him down by patting his back and stroking through his hair, hoping that something would come of it. However, when all that probably didn’t help, when his attempts were in vain, Yujin didn’t stop - he went on, hummed something, not to shush Richard, but rather to assure him that yes, the wolf was still there and yes, there was nothing happening to the blonde anytime soon; or ever again. If he could keep Richard here, there’d be nothing wrong with that and maybe, just maybe, he’d figure something out - tell him that yes, he was engaged, yes he was to marry, but Richard was very much still his friend.

      At some point, the crying stopped, but only when Richard seemingly had dozed off, lost to the land of dreams and Yujin, who was tired himself, would have moved them to the bed instead - but he didn’t feel like it, instead he pulled one and then another blanket over the two of them, hugging Richard and eventually falling asleep himself. The next morning was a bit of a blur to Yujin, not only because he was scrambling to wake both him and Richard up, but also because he got told to leave the blonde alone - not in a harsh way, much rather in a way of Richard needed some alone time, and Yujin let him have it, but even when he returned, he was shooed away instead; not even allowed to sleep in Richards room at night. It felt stupid, as if he’d done something wrong and as idiotic as it was, sleeping in his bed - alone at night - felt foreign, as much as he felt bad for not being able to comfort Richard. He used the time to look for his own books instead, to focus on something else and come up with new things for Richard - and earn himself some new, blue spots once Muhan caught him off-guard; Yujin regretted it, but he took the scraped knee, too, and only went for a quick bath afterward, before dressing back up. He hadn’t seen Richard in two days by now and was dragging a variety of books back to his room - he knocked on the door, now that the sun was already setting again. “Richard?”, he asked after a knock. “Can I come in? Did I do something wrong?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richardfell asleep in Yujins arms eventually and only got woken up the next day with a stiff neck, because they had slept on the floor. At least it was warm next to the fireplace. When Yujin left to take care of breakfast Richard made up his mind however an once he came back and they ate, he told him to leave him for a bit, because he needed some time alone. Yujin complied and Richard grabbed the empty paper again to start writing. This time he started by them entering Olette, by setting the harbor on fire, fighting Ares and being captured. That was the easy part, next he wanted to write down what happened in the dungeon. Not quickly, nothing like only mentioning some torture, no he tried to figure it out for himself. He started by waking up and finding out about the day Flora and Atwick died and then about the fact that he was brought away. From there on out it got harder, Richard struggled with keeping himself together and ordering his thoughts. He didn't know how many days he had been alone in that dark room or how many hours he'd been unconscious time an time again, but he tried to establish a timeline and he tried to remember what happened.

      It couldn't been that long that he was down there, that he figured out by unscrambling his own memory. He also tried to find out what his own mental state was and Nayantais. His father had broken down from the very start, didn't he? Richard held up and he wondered if he should have taken the hits from Nayantai sooner. He wanted to endure the torture for him, so he wouldn't hurt his child again, but maybe it hadn't been the right decision, because eventually he broke down too. Had his brother only come a bit earlier... but nothing could be changed anymore. Instead he finished by Dayan getting them out of there. Richard didn't sleep and he probably ruined his eyes by writing by the fireplace instead of relying on sunlight, but he finished this... thing, a collection of the darkest days in Richards life. Eventually he ended up staring at the pack of paper and wondered if he should rather burn it, but Yujin knocked at the door and Richard got up, finally opening it a bit. He shook his head, Yujin did nothing wrong, Richard just needed time to be able to tell him what made him the way he was right now and thus he handed Yujin the stack of paper without saying a word. He wasn't sure if he wanted him to come in to read it, or if he rather had him read it alone.

    • There they stood, at the doorstep and Yujin wasn’t sure if he should let himself in when he spotted the blonde figure; he didn’t want to force himself onto him, force him to endure the presence of the wolf any longer if he didn’t want to, but it hardly mattered at that - there was some silence before Richard reached out to him, but that was all there was, silence followed them as the wind slowly blew through the hallway that seemed so cold and empty all of a sudden. But not only that, Yujin was fairly aware that he was - if not tired - at least exhausted, maybe a bit confused as to why he wasn’t allowed inside, but there was a hand that reached out towards him from the creaky doorframe that came his way, and for a moment he thought his arm would be grabbed, he’d be pulled inside by the small figure that he was missing already, but as much as he wanted all of that, he found something thrust into his hands, a stack of paper that felt even bigger than the last one that he’d received some days ago. Was that all there was to it? Yujin didn’t know, and his mouth had formed a thin line.

      Why was his own throat dry? Or his eyes? The paper felt so much heavier, much like the air around both of them and the wolf didn’t know what to say at first - it was gloomy all around, but he didn’t want to run off, didn’t want to accept it like that. “I’m glad.”, he spoke, and held the papers a bit tighter. Was that what Richard had sent him away for, was that why he was forced out of his room in the first place? There was silence, yet again, and he smiled to get rid of all doubts he had initially. “I … You want me to read this, right? Can I come in or do you want me to read this on my own?” There wasn’t a good answer to that, he knew as much, and Yujin also knew that the contents of the paper were probably hard to jot down in the first place. He’d brought something else, however, three of them actually, and he handed the books through Richard; that wasn’t all of them, they were definitely some of the older ones, but Yujin had to sort through all of them and who knew how long he knew Richard in the end. “I found these. Would you like to read them? I think you … can read some of that, I can read the rest of it to you.” That was true - he had written lots of the contents in adrestian, his handwriting somewhat crude and yet unrecognizable to him, even in thrian language, but it was his own. “They’re a bit old, but I have a bunch of them - and I think you might enjoy them. Or at least learn something about me.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Yujin seemed sad and Richard could understand that. The wolf always was sensitiv and he always feared that he somehow did something wrong, but in order to work through all of that stuff Richard wrote down, he needed to be alone for a bit. Now he felt bad because of it however and after he handed over the stack of papers, he grabbed Yujins arm and pulled him in for a tight hug. Yujin never did anything wrong, he was always here for Richard, supporting and loving him unconditionally. Even if they just were friends now, Richard appreciated him very much and without him, maybe he'd have died a long time ago. Now he wanted him to understand Richards whole situation and also Nayantais, maybe it would be easier for him to comfort the blonde then if he wanted to, though Richard would also like to go back to just playing cards with Yujin. It had calmed him and he actually enjoyed his time here, something he never thought he'd be able to again. The hug still went on, but eventually Richard slowly let go of him again.

      The blonde nodded, he wanted to tell Yujin everything, even if the means needed to be some pieces of paper. For a moment he thought about where he wanted Yujin to do that, maybe if he were alone it would be better, but no, Richard grabbed the wolfs arm once more and softly pulled him inside his room, then he closed the door. He led him to the bed and made him sit down on it, only to walk all the way around to crawl in on the other side. Then Richard crawled under a blanket or two and placed his head on Yujins lap. Richard took one of the books Yujin brought which seemed to be the first one and opened it up, not sure if it was really alright if he read it when Yujin didn't know what was in them. For now he only skimmed through the pages, searc hing for something he was actually able to read, but Yujin started his diary in Thrian, why would he not. Maybe it was better they read this together anyway, but Yujin was occupied now and Richard didn't want to disturb him, he just wanted to be close a bit, after being alone for wht seemed way too long.