bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

"It's fine, though.", the wolf reassured him and he meant it. There was no need to feel bad about being unable to do certain things, or reign himself in. Yujin liked Richard for more than one thing and he also was, even if painfully, aware that he liked to beat himself up over some of the silliest things sometimes. Was that bad? Yujin doubted it, but there was no way of knowing anyway and there also was no reason for him to try and kill time with someone that couldn't quite cherish it. Did the prince really feel bad about being unable to remember all of this in the end? He surely was, not to speak of the fact that Richard deserved somebody that could cherish him, his feelings and try to actually piece the puzzle together that he was - but Yujin was none of that, because even he would try and then forget once more, which was why he had no right to have done any of this in the first place. Did it matter, though? As long as Richard felt good, it probably didn't and that was a verdict to live by. "I'll make do, and as long as we have each other, I doubt it'll get too boring. After all, it never gets boring with you around."

The truth was, Yujin kind of kind of knew that once Richard was gone, maybe he'd just forget all of this happened in the first place - maybe, just maybe, to him none of this had ever happened then, and even if he tried to remember any of it, he couldn't. Was that supposed to be bliss or a nightmare in and of itself? Whatever it was, he didn't want any of it, he'd much rather stick to Richards side and spend as many days in the hut as possible, before they both grew annoyed with each other or bored of one another. Was there even such a thing as that? He doubted it, but he also couldn't tell if he'd have time to figure out how to make any of this work until the fireworks - what if his father actually showed up at the doorstep and what if he was going to be brought home regardless? It seemed like they were playing a losing game either way. "And I thought I had, but the more I struggle to remember something, the more I hate the sole thought of not remembering.", he sighed, but he knew this was inevitable either way. There was no way of knowing more things than his brain was capable of, even if he missed a matching scar to go with it, he'd deal with it one way or the other. What even was going on? "I'm not going anywhere.", he mumbled, squeezing Richards hand in return - he wondered if it would be smart to wiggle the other one beneath the blonde, but who knew if that wouldn't hurt somewhere? "Then you've at least got something to remember me by, that's neat." A scar, just for him, huh? That sounded much worse than it was. "No, me neither. I just thought of something silly, actually, but lets leave that for another day."

"Not that we can, with your dad in the next room and you in visible discomfort.", the wolf uttered, but he knew as much that it wasn't always about the one thing, rather than the other. They came up with plenty of silly ideas during their time together, as much as they came up with things they could do as long as they stuck togethet, yet, in the end, they also both knew that whatever happened, happened and none of the things he didn't know how to figure out would matter much. There were many things that could go one way or the other and there were even more that weren't made to be found out about at all - Yujin was perfectly fine with cuddling for now, with wasting the rest of his days away and not ever giving a flying fuck about anything again. Surely, he'd eventually have to return home and the only way to escape his rampant thoughts would be to bury his nose in books and to pretend nothing had ever happened in the first place, but even then, he was far from doing anything significant, from changing anything that he could, or would be able to and there was no way of knowing what was going to happen if he only spend his days lunging around, waiting for some time to kill or for Richard to suddenly return, once the darkness swallowed him and buried him somewhere else.

"I'll try not to.", he reassured, even though there was no way of figuring all of that out either way. Yujin would forever stay the way he was, naive and kind of lonely, unable to conntect with anyone for real, simply because he'd eventually forget every single one of them and realize that nothing was going to happen from here on out, only for him to start over and over and over again. "But sometimes isn't always good enough.", Yujin sighed. There had to be a way to figure all of this out, to evade Richards gaze because he suddenly, ever so slightly, felt a bit uncomfortable, but he didn't - instead, he found himself stuck in place, only looking at the blonde that offered him a kiss, just before wistfully casting his gaze aside. Did he truly deserve it? It wasn't a kiss on the lips, nothing of that sort, but it was something at the very least. "I'm hard to forget, aren't I?" At least the blonde wouldn't forget him, just like his friends wouldn't and yet, it felt somewhat odd, didn't it? There was no way of knowing, of figuring any of this out for either of them, but it happened the way it should, even if he didn't figure it out right away. Was this truly how it was supposed to be? "I cut the palm of your hand, you cut the palm of my hand and we exchange some droplets of blood, how's that sound? Well, aside from painful and probably stupid."

Yujin was glad and yet, it felt odd to be just that - Richard tried his earnest to make him feel better, at least Yujin figured that his fellow wolf at least tried to, but he went quite a bit overboard in more than one way, or at least he believed that the blonde did. Was it because they both cared more about one another than they should, or was it because the prince was nothing more than the selfish brat that Richard had called him out as so many weeks ago? Actually, it felt odd to have exactly that kind of knowledge stick with him and if he tried to wrap his head around all of that now, he almost felt as if something was going to happen that had no real place in this conversation or bed, much like his own sadness or the fact that he was the one being accommodated for and not trying to accommodate Richard instead, who needed it more than him. Normally, he'd feel at peace here, yet he didn't and his mind seemed to race and go into many, many different directions that all made no sense, almost like he was pulling strings from a piece of yarn, all cut up and tangled. "I ... guess? Someone has to take care of your plants ... because ... I mean ... they still have to be there when you ... come back, right?", the wolf babbled, barely audibly and his throat feeling horribly dry anyway - actually, it was nice that it was as dark in here as it was, because Yujin was sure that his eyes were probably all glassy and he barely bit back some tears. What was up with him anyway? Whatever Richard came back or not didn't matter much, didn't it? In the end, this was just some escape, probably, and he'd go back to nothing soon - once he forgot Richard, nothing would hurt and there would be no tugging at his heartstrings to begin with. Something that actually hurt was rare, yet, this did, more than it most likely should and it felt incredibly awful, kind of as if it were a special kind of questionable torture that he'd never asked for. Wasn't all of this happening because he was an absolute idiot and only focused on himself?

"Doesn't that hurt?", he croaked instead, not that he did mind, but he didn't think that could be comfortable for Richard, either. What was it with the blonde and trying to accommodate him now? The wolf felt conflicted, almost as if he wanted all of this and none of it at the same time, almost as if it was going to hurt to think about it to begin with and yet, he couldn't deny that he liked it. "I can't even help myself. Thank you for trying, though.", he chuckled. Normally, he was full of high spirits and always trying to help anyone who needed it - was that really what he wanted? Didn't he just look for someone that was going to help him? That sounded silly, he didn't need help, he never had, never would - his head was messed up, he'd been over that, yet, since he knew Richard, he questioned things he never wanted to and it all had turned into a gigantic mess. Yujin moved his hands and arms around the blonde as best as they could, navigating around the wound on his side to get to the back and hugging him for real, just to draw circles on his back. Who was he trying to soothe - himself or the blonde? "I think, even if we are together, we still kind of both stick out. If we'd each prance around with some of my friends, we'd just stick individually. But you're right, blonde hair is quite easy to spot among black and some brown." Thrians were quite boring, too, and it seemed almost as if there was going to be no way of resolving that in the long run. Who knew, maybe just trying to recall Richards outlandish looks would help with keeping him close? It didn't sound so bad. "I'm glad that you won't ... but ... I can't promise you the same. I'll try, though, okay? Sorry ..." Fuck. In the end, the sad, sorry sap that he thought Richard was had actually been him, hadn't it? No, they both were, and sharing pain probably was fine, but this was just ... "I'm sorry for ruining your birthday with this stuff."

People came and they went - Richard hadn't been around all his life and Yujin was sure that he wouldn't stay until he himself forgot, until the snow in Silesse thawed, if that was possible in the first place, or there were some more adventures to be had. Regardless, he tried to reassure Yujin, tried to tell him what he wanted to hear and given the circumstances, Yujin was neither sure if he was being lied to - something he didn't think Richard would do - or being treated the honest way. They had made promises and deals, left and right, until they figured that wouldn't work for them, knowing that Yujin would have a hard time recalling and Richard wouldn't be able to keep track of all of it for both of them - whatever it hurt or not didn't stand up to any scrutiny. He cuddled closer, wanted to bury his face in his bedmates chest, or a pillow, or one of those many furs, but he wasn't able to, he didn't want to move in any way. "I can manage that. As long as ... well. I should stop souring the mood.", he voiced, sounding vexed. Whether he remembered or not, Richard or the plants, he could at least try his earnest, not fish for compliments or promises, hoping for the best, putting some trust in himself, in his brain and his ability to recall this conversation, this agreement, word of honor, pledge - whatever it was, in the end. Yujin could do that, as long as he made an attempt. That was a dirty lie. "You usually say that when I should worry.", he pointed out. Not that he recalled an instance, it was merely to feign the ability to hark back to what they'd one talked about, whatever words had poured from his lips like a fine string of pearls, only to disintegrate upon impact with the outside world, to show him that nothing was going to happen, that nothing was in his favor and he could hardly tell who he himself was supposed to be.

Yujin always tried to, metaphorically, get back up on both legs, ever since the incident, but once he had regained the footing he'd lost and tried to take a step forward, upward the steep hill that symbolized all that had been flung his way, he fell, scraped his knee and slided down further, until he'd wind up at the foot of said hill, unable to help himself back up, the peak sliding further and further out of his grasp, forced to watch on. "It's not like you wanted yourself to be helped, at least at first." If there was one thing that had burned itself into his head until the day he'd pass, he wanted it to be a genuine moment, something like the things he'd experienced not so long ago, and yet, it seemed to be the former princes' initial reaction to shove him away, rid himself of the one that dared to come too close too soon. He wound up looking for support on Richards back at first, only to twirl some strands of his hair with his fingers, wondering when it had gotten so long and why he was so worried about him disappearing in the first place. "It feels nice when I touch it ... and it's part of you, why wouldn't I like it?", he acknowledged. "I'm just surprised it got this long that fast." That was true. Sure, Richards hair hadn't been as short as that of other sheep - he hoped it wasn't - but it was easier to touch like this, much like it wasn't easy to smile like this. "I ... Richard, it's not. I can't just forget everything about you, or you. That's not only going to hurt me, it will hurt you, too. Especially if I see you up close and can't tell who you are when you come back." Thinking about a possible scenario like that tugged at his heartstrings - and as if it were of any help, Yujin shut his eyes, hopefully blocking any tears from forming. This was bad enough. "You didn't ruin anything, you're hardly responsible for what your heart does or doesn't do." That much was the truth, Richard couldn't control his own turmoil of feelings. "It was a lot of fun, actually. Thank you for that. And I'm glad you liked my present.", he chuckled, eventually. Yujin felt tired, spent, probably from the suspense and the weird adrenaline rush from earlier, but he wasn't sure if he could sleep like this, let alone if Richard would. "Hm, what about you turn on your back and I just cuddle up to your good arm or side? That would be better for you and you could sleep, too."

This was his fault, wasn't it? No, Yujin was grasping at straws here - he was making all of this harder than it had to be, he didn't have to throw more of his insecurities at Richard and fish for a reaction; it hardly mattered anyway. This idea was his own, or rather Richard would claim he himself was to blame and Yujin was too tired to argue for once, too pained to deny his bedmate any more sleep or another claim to being at fault. They both wanted silence and therefore, they should both shut their mouths indefinitely, not keep bickering and arguing for old times sake - and still, Yujin didn't want to shut up, didn't want to accept the dread creeping up from within, but there was nothing more to say about any of this. "I could never hate you, not in a million years.", he admitted; he couldn't just seal his lips and let Richard wait for an answer that would never come - and it was the truth. Whatever mix of ill-advised emotions he felt for the fallen crown prince were real, far from hate, and yet he couldn't express them, not because he lacked the ability to put them into words, but rather because it was something that was better left unspoken, locked away and ignored. Yujin didn't hate Richard himself, no, but he hated his inability to commit to something - to talk about the obvious, and yet he let him, knowing well enough that none of this was supposed to be all that hard; Yujin loved Richard, that much was for certain, but admitting to it didn't help with the headache he was causing both of them. "It's a lot, that's true ... Happy birthday, Richard.", he mumbled, still forcing himself to smile, even if neither of them could see it - and soon thereafter, after they had adjusted their position and Yujin had cuddled up to Richard, there was nothing but silence. The wolf didn't feel like sleeping, but he also didn't feel like waking up someone that clearly needed his well-deserved rest; Yujin shut up and lay there, in silence, eventually falling asleep himself.

The week he spent at the hut was over in no time, even if Yujin would have wanted to savor the feeling just a tiny bit more, the night of the fireworks approached rapidly and that was that; he'd have to go back to his cold and boring room after that and while he had appreciated the much-needed silence that he sometimes shared with both Nayantai and Richard, he could only wonder how angry his father would be once he set his foot back into the frozen castle - he shook the thought of soon enough, the headache he was swallowing down was only going to get worse and he'd claimed his leg didn't hurt. Richard was quick to notice, but it hadn't been anything a bit of medicine couldn't fix and Yujin was grateful for that. Who was he to complain, though? He still demanded a boatload of cuddling from the guy that had a fucked up arm and was particularly glued to him at times, so much that he sometimes could only hear the old man laugh about it and Richard getting embarrassed over it in the process (or did he?) - it was fun, even if they didn't do much in the first place; they could still be close, spend time with one another and be silly, Yujin didn't need much more. However, none of this was bound to last forever, so it was only natural that he stepped out into Silesses crisp nightair eventually and shivered, for once in his life. "We should go look for our spot ... and you're sure you don't want to fold paper boats?", he asked again, as if he hadn't for the fifth time today and as if Richard was a moody child that needed to be roped into things, like all the other times before this. At least it wasn't dark yet, but it would be soon - it never took long for the dusk to fade. "Or do you still think it's silly?" Honestly, it wasn't - but maybe useless, to someone like Richard at the very least. "We'd just have to take a short detour!"

If Yujin had to guess, the plethora of clothing - the foreign heaps of fabric - that Richard had draped his body in were anything but something he wanted. Given, he felt kind of bad about it, essentially just because they probably could have picked any other day of the year, but alas, maybe he was wrong - maybe Richard wouldn't freeze to death, having to thank multiple layers of fabric for that and if Yujin was terribly honest, maybe he was exaggerating as well; Richard would be able to hold up against the cold, to stomach whatever the world outside threw at him and it wasn't like he'd just spent multiple hours passed out in some snow a week or so ago. "I can help you fold one, that won't be a problem!", he remarked, suddenly back in high spirits, just as he used to be. Why was that a thing, though? Richard had asked him to see everything, so Yujin wouldn't be the one to deny him. Sure, there were other things - like the fireworks - that were far more important, but the paper boats were a nice addition to something that Yujin could hardly not call a tradition. Spending it together with Richard sounded far better than doing it with any friends of his, and while one could argue that it kind of was their thing to begin with, Yujin was certain that Richard wouldn't be here when the next set of fireworks rolled around; which was a shame, yet nothing that he wanted to think about tonight - this wasn't about goodbyes after all.

"I ... I wouldn't say important. It's more like, it's part of the tradition so, I guess I want to show you everything that there is to see. If you don't want to do it, I'll stop asking. I just figured that you might need another push in the right direction.", Yujin admitted, laughing about it, but he'd already grabbed the others hand - the one that hadn't been fucked up at least - and yet, instead of pulling on it, pulling him into one or the other direction, he was just holding it for once, all the while he found himself intertwining their fingers. Whatever it was that would happen tonight, it would be away from this hut, even if the wolf would be a liar to not admit that he, in fact, had enjoyed the warmth within quite a bit more than initially anticipated, as it was quite cozy. "But the choice is yours - I didn't take any precautions, so I have no folded boats on me, just a bit of paper, but pay it no mind if you aren't interested, really." That meant that there was no obligation for Richard to do in the first place, aside from freezing to the ground if they stood around here any longer. Whyever was he so indecisive today? Normally he had no problem with taking the lead, but whatever it was that occupied his mind today stopped him from doing so; it probably was nothing more than his imagination, though. Or was he sad that he had to go home after tonight? "Well, I think the easiest thing to ask would probably be if you even have something you'd like to write on the paper. If not, there's no need to force you.", the wolf explained. Maybe Richard had one after all? Yujin could only chuckle - the thought was funny, kind of, but that was very much it.

Now that he'd uttered that Richard should at least join him, indulge in a stupid silessian tradition that he'd never heard of before, he himself wondered if there was anything he could do - if there was something he'd missed before and if there'd be something to miss soon again - what was he even going to write on that paper? It wasn't like it worked, it was more of food for thought - the paper boat would sail away from Silesse, as long as it could, and then it would be swallowed by waves, never to be seen again, sinking to the ground with whatever wishes it carried. Wasn't that stupid? It felt just like that - but maybe it was for the best, swallowing down all the wishes that one had to offer to it, never to be seen or read by anyone else - and never to be realized. "I wasn't sure if this was the fifth or sixth time, actually. But no, seriously, if you'd rather not I'll stop." Third time's the charm, and yet he'd already gone overboard. Whatever else was there for him to do? Hope that Richard would indulge him because he'd always indulge him as well? That was nothing he was supposed to think of, let alone was the blonde anything like him - they were far from similar, yet they worked remarkably well together. What was Yujin going to wish for, then? That Richard would stay here until the end of time, that this week wouldn't end or that he'd stop forgetting everything all at once, just so that he could savor the memory he'd eventually forget about? All of that was sad - Yujin didn't want that and shook his head instead.

"So you'll fold one?", he chuckled, knowing that Richard only meant to come along, not to partake in this silly little tradition of theirs and if he was terribly honest, he didn't have to. Whatever made him feel more comfortable was fine, Yujin was wrong for pushing him into one direction because he wanted it - he'd have to accept that Richard wouldn't want to do everything that he liked; it was quite simple like that. "I'm joking. There should be no one around and we have plenty of time until the fireworks start anyway - we should get going, though." And thus, he set forth on their little journey, away from Silesse itself and down a steep snowbank - there were no people around, factually, nobody came out here to set out their boats, even if lanterns were set up, persisting against the cold, crisp air and the frost that crept inward - it was just the two of them and a lone lantern, next to the riverbank, and yet, he still wasn't letting go of Richards hand, as if it belonged to him and him alone, and letting go of it would only lead to something neither of them could use. "Do you want me to show you how you fold one?", the wolf asked soon enough, using his free hand to fumble with the outermost layer of his clothes where he'd tucked the paper away - if he was honest, Richard was right, thrian clothing was stupid, if only for the fact that it lacked pockets; but it was handy as well. "Did you ever fold anything before? Like, a boat, or a crane, or a star ... maybe a flower?" Did Adrestians do silly stuff like that? Yujin didn't know, but he could still ask Richard - maybe there was something, anything, and after all, his father was still as thrian as can be.

Did he say or do something wrong? Yujin wasn't sure and he had to admit that sometimes he wasn't even sure if he was doing the right thing by forcing Richard out of his hell, yet, if he was terribly honest, it was the right thing to do - at least for him. Not only was he trying his utmost to make all of this, every single minute that they shared, much more enjoyable for Richard, but he also was asking himself whatever or not he even had reasons to do that; maybe the blonde would have prefered to be left alone, maybe Yujin shouldn't have deluded himself into thinking that he'd be enough to make him stay after he figured out that Richard wasn't going to spend the rest of his life in Silesse, but whatever it wound up being, it was too late to regret anything now, that much was for certain. "I know, but I offered you mine for help, right?", he metaphorically asked, as if it wasn't almost obvious that both of them would only waste paper and make a mess - folding a paper boat together sounded sillier than ever, but Yujin was the one that wanted Richard to do it with him, not by his lonesome, and it always had been like this. Why was that stuck in his head, though? He still felt kind of beat and he'd be lying if he admitted that his leg wasn't still hurting, despite all the medicine that had cleared it up initially - but his thoughts and memories felt so clear, even though he wanted to blame it on the fresh nightair in the first place.

"Hm, really? Well, there's no knowing what you do know, I was just curious." Folding paper was really boring, though, but it was useful for whenever Yujin needed to occupy himself or his little sisters with something when the weather outside was just too horrid to even consider leaving the castle - not that it happened often, but a few times was enough to fold what felt like hundreds of paper cranes. "Alright, alright.", the wolf chuckled instead and soon enough got to it, having to figure out the basics with one hand first while he sat down was well, unwilling to really let go of Richards godforsaken arm. The boat came out crooked, if anything, but it still looked like a boat and it wasn't the worst Yujin had ever made, either, which was probably why he folded another, just in case - a significant improval already, though, he had to admit that folding with one hand available had been a shitty idea to begin with. "Something on your mind?", he eventually asked, after Richard was very much staring at the water in the river below and Yujin set both of the boats free that he'd made, watching them swim down the stream, wondering what he'd wished for eventually - all that he had thought about was, that he'd much rather go with Richard, that he'd rather not have him leave whenever that was and that, if none of this would be granted to him, he'd just want to remember him for as long as any normal person would. It wasn't a nice wish - a very selfish one indeed - but Yujin never had to speak of it anyway, lest it wouldn't come true. The waves soon enough swallowed the first, however, and the second was only a tiny speck disappearing into the dark night. "Do you want to push me into the water, for old times sake?", he joked.

"That's fine, don't worry. Sometimes you don't need one, I had to think of one as well.", Yujin admitted, trying to spy even the faintest of hints of his boat in the darkness down the river, but that was very much all he could do - there was nothing to see, not that there had been anything to begin with and it was getting rather late; they should move, not waste time and get cozy here when they could be elsewhere instead, waiting for the fireworks to start. "I might be, but it's more because ... well, Nayantai is from around here, I thought he teached you loads of things about the other side of your heritage as well." That was true, but sometimes it just didn't happen - it wasn't like he or any of his siblings needed to know the adrestian language in the first place and as ignorant as it was, Yujin was convinced that he didn't know a single adrestian tradition that didn't miraculously match up with a thrian one. It was rather sad, but that didn't matter much in the first place. In fact, they both were just trying to figure one another out and that was fine - they had plenty of time, plenty of festivals to learn about and Yujin still had plenty of places he wanted to show Richard, even if most of them would be cold and icy, nothing remarkable, really. "I ... like holding your hand. Did you want me to let go? Just say the word.", he chuckled and if Richard asked, he'd actually let go and stop playing around, trying to get what he wanted for once; not that it mattered much and not that he was doing himself a favor by clinging to what, essentially, was nothing pretty. Why was he clingy like that?

He wasn't sure of that himself, but he stole a glance at Richard soon enough - he was always complaining about thrian clothing, yet it did fit him very well, at least from his fellow wolfs' perspective - even if it wasn't a perfect fit in terms of size. "I can't show you rain, but we did talk about that one spot I wanted to show you, remember? Where there's grass, probably blooming flowers and some odd berries, if we're lucky. How about I take you there for a change of scenery? Not tonight but, tomorrow is also a day ... or in a week, if you're already tired of me being so close to you for an entire week.", the wolf teased. Who knew? Richard looked like he could use an uneventful change of pace and Yujin wanted to go out some more, cross things off of his list - things he wanted to show Richard for better or for worse - and he remembered that one darn spot that they'd talked about what felt like forever ago! "It won't come true if I tell you, right?" That it wouldn't, based off of the fact that anything he told Richard would probably fall on deaf ears, at least in that regard. Yujin wasn't going to make any attempts tonight, they had plenty of other topics they could talk about and he was sure that Richard grew tired of his constant whining anyway. "Alright, alright. Let's just do it after the fireworks then, how's that sound? We should get going, though." Yujin got up after that, waiting for Richard to do the same and led him to the place he'd had in mind - it was far enough away from the hut and Silesse itself, up a snowbank and somewhat of an icy incline, through some lonesome pine trees, somewhere where they could see all the way to the coast, but high above the rest of them; given that Silesse was mostly flat, there wasn't a lot of these places, but nobody else made the effort to come here, either. "See? I wasn't lying!"