sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

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    • Caelan wasn't good at shutting up, it was hard for him not to tell Ronan what he loved about him and it was hard for him not to tease anymore, not to ask him what he was thinking about now, he hoped it was nothing more than this moment in his head. He shut up though, bit his tongue not only to stop himself from talking, but also to stop himself from any other noise. Thinking about it once more though, he let Ronan know that he enjoyed himself, that he felt good, so he let out a short positive grunt, while he continued clinging to Ronan. Caelan felt what Ronan was doing, felt not only his lips and some sucking, but also his teeth that almost punctured his skin, maybe they even did. Caelan didn't care that it would leave marks, he'd have to button his shirt up when he met someone and in case the doc was taking a closer look at him, he'd just not comment it. His reputation as somewhat of a player was only helping, why wouldn't he just snatch himself a maid for a little bit of fun while he was here? He didn't need to explain anything, everyone already had formed their opinion and thought they knew Caelan. He just needed to remember to be more careful with Ronan, because he'd have a harder time explaning.

      Ronan was at work for quite a while, but Caelan didn't get bored in the slightest, in fact he was almost surprised when Ronan stopped and the soft grip in his hair loosened. He kissed Ronan back, wanted more of him. It was so easy for Ronan to wrap Caelan around his finger with just a few touches and kisses, actually it probably was enough to just be here during the right mood, content with what he had for a change. Caelans blue eyes peered up at Ronan for the short moment he had the chance to, meeting the dark eyes for only a moment. He then was surprised to hear Ronans voice near his ear, a shiver ran down his spine and his hands didn't want to let go of Ronan. His boyfriends warm breath let him shiver once more and his grip tightened when he felt Ronans teeth once more. "I want more of you...", he mumbled, burrying his face at Ronans neck once more, kissing him there in exchange again. It was almost impossible for Ronan to miss how much he had Caelan in his grasp.

    • Neither of them were incredibly good at keeping to themselves, at least not around one another - Ronan was painfully aware of that, as much as he was aware of the fact that he and Caelan would create disaster after disaster if this went on. Naturally, it was only a matter of time until they could really figure something out for themselves, but by now, what did it matter? They had each other and the dark they were hiding in, away from prying eyes - they needed nothing else but themselves, at least Ronan thought of it like that. For now, he was content with all he was feeling and the fact that he was, for some reason, the one that was making Caelan forget, instead of the other way around - but it distracted him enough, especially like this, to not mind it any more than he already had done before. No, he loved every second of it and reveled in all that he could feel - in the simple touches, the brushing of skin against skin and in the shallow noise that finally came from the blondes lips, something he'd almost comically and desperately waited for - what was he, if not enthralled by one single person, way too damn fast? His crush on the blonde had persisted over time, maybe a few months, or even a year or two, but aside from that, what else was there?

      Caelans lips on his felt nice, more than he anticipated and he wondered, just for a damn moment, what it must have felt like to be someone he wasn't, to be this close to someone he admired before he crashlanded on the conclusion that it didn't matter, that Caelan was his and no one elses and that he was going to mark him, not share him, as long as he could. A little bit of selfishness never hurt anyone and Ronan knew, for a fact, that it also didn't hurt if he just spent a bit of time with Caelan, just for a moment, only to see himself cross an uncrossable line and then contemplate what his life really was, or should be worth. "How much more?", he asked, chuckling even. Naturally, he was the one that was always called impatient or desperate, but right now, the latter seemed to apply to his lover more than anything - but desperate for what, if not a few touches, if not his hand tugging some more at his hair? "I can't give you more if you hide your face, you know? Or do you want ... something else?", he asked, his hands and arms moving from where they were, down Caelans back, trying to find a suitable spot, but exploring the skin and scars all the same.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • How long would they be able to hide what they actually felt for each other? How long until someone questioned all the time they spent together, or until someone found them in a place like this, unsuspecting? How long until someone noticed the gazes they exchanged, or the marks in all colors on their necks. How long until someone noticed a change in behaviour in one of them and caught on to what was really going on? It was like they were begging to be found out and if not that, they were too young and too shortsighted to think of any consequences, especially in situation like this one now. Love, or at least the form of attraction they felt towards eachother was new to both of them, whereas Ronan had never experienced anything like it, Caelan was the one who had many girls, but in the end he was the same as his fellow noble. Never had he felt the urge to be with someone for more than one night and even those nights had never been satisfying. Ronan however just needed to touch Caelan in the right way, kiss him in the right moment and he felt like the day already had been worth waking up.

      The tug in his hair was back and Caelan looked up again, not hiding his face anymore to receive more, another kiss perhaps. He felt Ronans hands move around his back, stopping at various spots, for some of them Caelan remembered the scars and stories he found there, for others he didn't even know why Ronans fingers were stopping for a moment, what he felt there that peaked his interest. Both of the questions he was asked were now in turn hard for himself to answer, whereas he had been teasing Ronan before who had faced the same problem. "I... don't know.", he whispered and mumbled, but still looked at Ronan. His face was the only thing that wasn't plastered to his body, that he actually could still decently look at. What did Caelan want now? The truth was ever since Ronan basically asked him why they hadn't slept with eachother up until now, the very same question didn't leave Caelans mind again. Why exactly did they not? They both wanted it at some point, right? And Ronan knew all too fell that Caelan wouldn't just leave him after they spent a special night with eachother once, this was just something he had to bare by himself, being also the one that put that cross onto his own shoulders. Caelan himself also knew, he wouldn't treat Ronan like just about anyone, Ronan was different, special and dear to him, so whatever excuse he had had up until now was probably nothing more than that - an excuse because he probably had been incredibly nervous about something that wasn't completely new to him. "I want whatever you are willing to give me." That was a stupid answer, wasn't it?

    • Eventually, whether due to their lack of caution or their general misunderstanding of the situation, somebody would find out about their little affair, the fact that they weren't just joking around and then they'd tell what they'd learned, open their mouth and not stop until someone disposed of them, whatever came first. Ronan was, even though he was prone to worrying, the main culprit - being without Caelan felt like a genuine nightmare and the fact that neither of them could spend much time without the other if they knew that they weren't that far from one another, said a lot about them, especially now, that they hadn't even known each other for that long. Alongside that came the craving for something neither of them had, which again, was one another - and at some point, they'd find themselves stuck in a nightmare of their own design, in a hell hat they had brought upon themselves, but until then, there was no need to even waste a thought on it, at least from his perspective. He was overthinking all of this to a ridiculous degree and if he didn't stop now, who'd stop him later? There was nothing for him to do but keep up the pace and try his best in any regard, even though it seemed highly ridiculous to even act as stupid as to get caught - and yet, while there wasn't any definite evidence, someone would find out, sooner or later.

      "You don't know?", he asked, gifting the blonde a puzzled look, as it was all he could do right now - they both didn't as it seemed. Though, what was there to gain from it? Maybe it would be easier for the two of them to spend a nice afternoon together than figuring out what they wanted, how they wanted it ... but that also seemed like it couldn't be used to replace the moment they were having right now. "Whatever I'm willing to give?", he mumbled, unsure what it was. Right, he had asked Caelan to sleep with him for real this time, not too long ago, but that was something that couldn't happen here, not right now, without even giving it a second thought or being fully aware of their surroundings. Instead, he was the one that had been way too bold just seconds earlier and that also meant that something might, potentially, be wrong. "And what if I don't want to give you anything? Is there something you'd take?", he tentatively asked, as he moved his hands away from Caelan, seperated himself from the blonde almost entirely, all the while he got up and wrapped the blanket around himself, looking down at the sky blue eyes once more. "All jokes aside, I have something I could give you, but not out here - how does that sound?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan didn't think much about what would happen to them if somebody found out what they did whenever they saw eachother. He never was the guy that thought before he did something, this was only all too evident by all the scars he already had on his body despite his young age. This here wasn't different, he was impulsive and did what he wanted to do, for as long as he could. Death was what awaited them probably, but before any of that could happen, he'd just take Ronan and run off, somewhere, west or south and he'd protect Ronan with his life, that wasn't even a question for him, but a fact. More plan than that wasn't necessary, more planning wasn't something he did, he rather enjoyed himself with Ronan than contemplating about how wrong all of this actually was, at least in the eyes of almost everyone else. As long as Ronan and he himself were content to live with the danger, to trade it against some of the best moments in their lives, this would continue, despite death hanging over their heads.

      "Well I might, but...", now he was the one being somewhat shy and he didn't want to pressure Ronan into something, he just wanted to keep going, keep kissing and touching him and see were it got them. Somehow he got hesitant to take the lead, he did it all the time and for whatever reason he started to worry that he could pressure Ronan into something, instead of Ronan being the one that simply got what he wanted. Though Ronan seemed to want Caelan to just take, maybe a change of pace would be enjoyable too. Caelan looked up as Ronan stood up, leaving him sitting on the ground alone. He didn't try to get a hold of him, to hold him in place, but he knitted his brows. He wasn't sure if Ronan was teasing him into actually taking what it was that he wanted, or if he had enough for now. "You wanna pack up and leave?", Caelan asked grumbling. Whereas Ronan might have been the one that felt exposed out here, Caelan was the one that started to feel imprisoned in that tiny room of his, as well as worried about anyone just walking by the door. "What's wrong with out here? Or are you just teasing me?", he asked and shifted position onto his knees, all the while he let his hand slip into the blanket that was draped around Ronan, to let his fingers stroke the skin of his inner thigh in an upwards motion. Getting up, dress and carry all the things back inside while trying to be quiet sounded like a hassle and like nothing more than a way to simply end this moment.

    • What was there to gain if they stayed out here, except someone that actually found out that they had left behind the mansion and ran off, a bit too far for anyones liking? Was there even anything for them to do, except maybe whine about the things they didn't have, think about what would hound them for years to come or did it no longer matter what someone thought of him, what he thought of others? Whatever it was, Ronan wasn't cold, he didn't have to stay out here, not if he didn't want to but now he was the one teasing Caelan in getting up from his ass and running somewhere that he wanted to - that was all that he needed, nothing more. "But? Are you nervous? Unsure?", he suddenly questioned, chuckling. Now the blonde was the one that had been ensnarred in his trap, that seemingly had no way out except the obvious one, the one that he'd offered him - and the one that didn't exist, simply because Caelan wouldn't do it. "You know that you can tell me anything you want, right?", he reassured his lover, was if that would help with prying an answer out of him - and maybe it would, simply because there was nothing else for him to do except that, unless he wanted to leave both of them wanting more than they had right now and that would just be plain mean, especially if Caelan already got on his knees for them

      "Maybe I do, what if I'm cold?", he asked, his expression unchanged and still serious, almost as if he meant it for real and wasn't just joking around. Frankly, he initially wasn't, but if Caelan wanted to stay out here, why not play a game with him? They both would get what they wanted, sooner than later and that also meant that it didn't matter if they fooled around a bit first. "Did I upset you?", Ronan wanted to know, a smile spreading on his lips all the same. Normally, Caelan wouldn't be in a foul mood just because of this, but alas, they both wanted to forget something and spend some more time close to each other, so he was the one that was currently ruining that, wasn't he? Ronan reached down, put his hand beneath Caelans chin and tilted his head slightly upwards, just to meet his eyes, even though they weren't clearly visibile in the darkness out here. "I'm teasing, though, I must say, the view up here is exquisite." A chuckled escaped his lips before he let go of the blondes face, only to run his fingers through the blondes hair one more time. Sometimes, they both were naive, but Caelan took things a bit too serious once he fell for them, a bit too hard. "Did you really think I'd just ask you to pack everything up like that and ignore that you offered me to forget everything? That would be a waste of time."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I know I can. I don't want to voice anything, lest one of us might feel pressured. But what I don't want is letting go of you.", Caelan replied, looking up at Ronan who stood there, naked but draped in one of the blankets and with Caelans coat also still hanging from his shoulders. Caelan didn't see anything else but Ronan wrapped up in a blanket, but he knew what was to expect underneath and that was enough. He'd never asked Ronan to let go of it, not while it was still quite chilly outside, even though the moonlight was shimmering beautifully onto his silky skin. Whereas Ronan was probably quite warm still, even though Caelans warm body wasn't wrapped around him anymore, Caelan was the one now sitting here, without a blanket or clothes to protect him. He didn't mind though, he felt warm enough, only maybe a little bit awkward, now that he just sat here naked. Caelan for a short time looked past Ronans face, at the moon that stood behind him, turning Ronans face somewhat dark, but it still looked as if he planned to stand exactly there. Caelan was sure he didn't, but nevertheless it looked almost like a frame right out of a story.

      "Are you?", Caelan asked, turning his gaze back to the dark eyes. "Cold? If yes, why don't you let me warm you up some more. Am I not enough?" Caelan himself wasn't cold, not at all, the kisses and touches had made him feel even more warm, from the inside out and he already missed Ronans body in his arms. Maybe instead or arguing he had been better off to just grab their things and run back inside with Ronan, so they could continue were they had stopped. "I'm not upset.", Caelan replied, though unsure as he was about his answer he looked away. This was not something Ronan wanted as he tilted Caelans had back up, to meet his gaze once more. "So you want something else than kissing and cuddling?", Caelan asked, running his fingers further up Ronans thigh. He felt the slight tug on his hair once more, but did not avert his gaze just yet. "So you do know what you want after all? And kissing me is not enough to make you forget? Is that it?" Caelan was the one feeling a little bit rebellious right now, especially since Ronan just left him on the ground, only to make him think he had enough for now, so he didn't make any assumptions, rather he waited for Ronan to make a move, to finally tell him what he desired or to just take what he wanted.

    • "So you're up in the air about your choices?", Ronan retaliated. This wasn't an argument they were having, Caelan could take all the time he needed to understand what he truly wanted, but if he didn't make his own decisions, he'd help him, just a little bit, with a push into the right direction. That wasn't frowned upon, was it now? After all, why would it be? Ronan wasn't directly influencing him, or forcing him into something, after all, Caelan could always push himself away if he didn't want to be close to him, nor fall for his shitty little traps. "I'm the furthest thing from cold", he chuckled, looking down at Caelan who - ever so patiently - sat there and looked up at him, as if he were a dog that simply was following the orders it had been given and for that he deserved praise, or even a treat, but not now, preferably also not here. What was he even supposed to do with all of this? Spend the rest of the evening praising Caelan, or did it suffice if he simply acknowledged that he'd a good job? "Trust me, you're more than enough, Caelan - I just wanted to tease you and you fell right for it, that's quite the nice sight", he chuckled. Actually, it was nice to look at him from up here, too.

      "I'm glad you aren't", Ronan mused, wanting to sink back down on his knees again, but for now, this was fine too, especially if he could look at Caelan and not feel like he was the one that the blonde towered over. Actually, hadn't they come out here to stargaze? Why were they ... nevermind, what did it matter? They both were young, naive and maybe even greedy enough to demand more of one another than they naturally would give. Such was the nature of nobles, wasn't it? "Not exactly, at least I didn't insinuate that I wanted something else, did I now?" Theoretically, he was putting Caelan up for failure by having him guess left and right, but alas, who would he be if not himself if he wasn't just a tad bit too mean to the man he claimed to love more than anything in this world that seemingly hated him so much? "You're quite sharp, but I don't need anything except you. I always want more than I can have of you, but alas, I'm content with whatever you want to give me, right about now - I won't take what you don't want to give", he summarized for the blonde, before sinking onto his own knees, pressing his hands against Caelans shoulders and forcing him to lay down beneath him, just so that he could cover him with the blanket, too. "I don't want you to get cold, either."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I just think we should go from here and see where it leads us.", Caelan explained, still looking up at Ronan. At least Ronan wasn't cold, but what was it he wanted now? If Caelan hadn't been confused before, he was now. Caelan wanted whatever negative thoughts had swirled in Ronans head to go away, had he managed that or not? Also what was he supposed to make of the fact that Ronan just stood up in the middle of what they were doing and was now standing here, neither telling Caelan to get up and take their stuff, nor to lay down again, or put his mouth and hands to good use. "Are you sure you don't just try to hide the fact that you have no idea what you want?", he asked, questioning if this was Ronans true intent, or if he now played with the fact, that Caelan didn't want to go back inside before. "What was it you wanted to give me once we're back inside? Or was that a joke too?" Caelan had no idea what he was supposed to do and therefor there was no other option than to ask time and time again.

      "Oh. Okay.", Caelan mumbled, had he misread the situation just now? He had been sure the hand in his hair and his position right now meant something, but apparently not, apparently he wasn't supposed to please Ronan that way, at least not now. "Ronan there is about nothing I won't be willing to give to you.", he replied honest, there was no need to worry that Ronan wanted too much, Caelan didn't believe that was even possible. The bigger problem was more that Caelan had no idea what to do now in this situation. Ronan was the one who moved, that sat back down too. The blonde let himself be pushed on his back, but he didn't receive more than a blanket. Ronan seemed indecisive and jumpy, maybe because what Ronan truly wanted and what he thought Caelan wanted collided? If Ronan truly wanted to get back inside they could. "Ronan you are confusing me, now we're back where we started.", Caelan pointed out but stayed where Ronan had pushed him to. "Are you sure you aren't just nervous to be out here like this? If you feel uncomfortable we can go back."

    • "But the question is, where will it lead us", he voiced. What did he know, or hell, what did Caelan know where all of this would be going? Ronan was fairly certain that this question wasn't hard to answer and yet he struggled to come up with a satisfactory response, just because he'd been thrown out of loop again. What would it be, if not a immensely crippling to shoulder the weight of this world, the decisions he had to make? All in all, he found himself stuck between decisions, stuck between what he could barely call anything worthwhile, but as it lasted, he wondered what he really wanted. Was it Caelan, or was it a moment of respite, a moment of silence that all in all would only result in something else that none of them could pinpoint? "I'm not, I'm still contemplating but ... I know what I want, I just don't know if I want it right now, like this", he threw at his boyfriend and he was genuine and honest about it. Ronan of Alster had no idea what he was to do with himself or the thoughts that his beloved had tried to banish from his head, but whatever it was, it would be nothing that would last forever. "It might have been, but you'll find out soon enough, don't be impatient now." What else was there to do anyway?

      "I know, but would you really want to give me everything you have, every single little thing that you can potentially give up?", he questioned once more, but instead of truly wanting to be cryptic, he just wanted to make sure that he wasn't stealing anything that - very much - didn't belong to him or anyone else. "Everything has to come full cycle eventually, I rather wasn't thinking by what I was doing when I got up", he mumbled as his hands explored the body beneath him, stroked over rugged, scarred skin and he wondered ever so slightly where all of this would lead and if he could just get away with everything he wanted to do, simply because Caelan felt like he was in the mood to do it, too. "Nervous? I'm not, but are you? We can stay out here, I'm not uncomfortable or cold - it just limits what we can do is all I'm saying", he concluded for his boyfriend, only to press his own lips against his, just to pull away as fast as he had done that. What now, though? His own hands found themselves searching for the blondes, grabbing them by the wrist and he was the one that suddenly, of all people, had to wonder whatever or not his head had been this empty for a while, driven by desire for something he couldn't pinpoint right now. "So. Me or you?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I don't know, we will see, that's the fun part, right?", Caelan answered, though for someone as calculated as Ronan maybe it wasn't. Caelan on the other hand was fine with not knowing what would happen, not knowing what came towards them, be it in the next few hours, or in the next view years. If he knew where his life was headed, what point was there in living anyway? He liked surprises and at some point he'd found himself somewhere, wondering how he ended up like this. Planning ones live was an impossible task anyway, so why not now do whatever felt right and worry about everything else later? "You're still cryptic.", Caelan pointed out after Ronan beat about the bush once more, he knew what he wanted, but not when? Okay, but what was it? Sleeping with Caelan, or something completely different? If they both kept tiptoeing around the matter, maybe it wasn't time after all. "I am getting impatient though, that's your fault for playing me.", Caelan mumbled, not mad, but in fact impatient.

      "Yes and if I told you what it is I'd give for you, you'd shake your head and told me you don't wanna hear it, so I don't.", Caelan replied, the truth was he would give up Fhaergus if he needed to, he would gift it to Ronan if it meant they could be together and he'd even give his life for him. That was easier said than done, but Caelan was sure, should he ever be in the position to decide, he'd not choose his own life. "And have you thought what you were doing when sitting back down?", Caelan asked looking at Ronan and then the hands that explored his body and seemingly searched for every scar to touch. "I'm not nervous. Limits how? Nobody is here, nobody can see us. Given the ground isn't as comfortable as a bed, but I don't mind, if you don't.", Caelan replied, not sure what Ronan was trying to say. There was nothing to lean against, or bind someone to, but they didn't have that last time either and used a shirt as makeshift blindfold, if that was what Ronan was aiming for. His wish was also still due, but he already told Caelan he'd need rope for that and probably more privacy than a hill. While Caelan was still thinking he was a little bit surprised finding his wrists tugged down to the ground by Ronan. "Huh? I don't..." What was Ronan asking?

    • "If everything would go as you wanted it, nothing would be planned to preserve some of that fun, isn't that it?", Ronan inquired, looking at Caelan with a rather stern expression. Some thing needed planning, others didn't, but what was clear from the getgo was, that they both couldn't just fool around all day, no, they had duties that they should attend to and they had to take care of one another. Nothing else really mattered and all of it boiled down to the fact they neither of them could truly figure out what it was that they needed, or what they wanted, at least not right now. "When am I not cryptic?", he suddenly asked, knowing fully well that there had been enough instances when he could voice himself just fine, but for the moment, it didn't matter at all - they were who they were and they spent their time together as such, not really caring about potential consequences and such, which might not exactly be the best of ideas, but really, who gave a damn? "Then you need to learn how to be patient, one way or the other", Ronan told him, but alas, that also was nothing more than something that he'd have to give a second thought, or maybe even a third. Caelan was nothing more than someone that he admired, that he loved, but not someone that he had to coddle - he'd just take for himself what he wanted, as simple as that, nothing else.

      "Unfortunately, you're right", Ronan sighed, removing himself once more from Caelan, not entirely, but he inched downward, especially after not receiving the satisfactory response that he' initially hoped for. It wasn't in vain, but they both really had no idea what they wanted, what they really thought about doing and it showed, more than once and in a very apparent way right now. Though, they both had some of the liquor and yet, Ronan didn't need another whisk of burning alcohol that he gulped down, nor did he need anything else - he just wanted to be close to Caelan and that was about it, wasn't it? "Uh, no", he sighed, shook his head and all of the confidence that he was brimming with before seemed to be knocked right out of him, no matter how he put it, he had been caught and it felt kind of stupid. "Limits as to what we can do, we don't have rope, oil or a bed is all I'm saying", Ronan suddenly elaborated. "The ground is fine", he added. What now? Well, he broke out into laughter once more, resting his head on Caelans chest just for the fun of it and maybe hear his heartbeat or something. "I should clarify. Are you going to suck me off or am I supposed to put my mouth to good use?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Always knowing what will happen is boring.", Caelan concluded and besides, if he planned something and it didn't work out as he expected, he'd just be disappointed, if he didn't plan at all there wasn't much to be disappointed by. "Let me make it easier for both us. You want to sleep with me and I want to sleep with you, but that doesn't mean we need to do it right now and it also doesn't mean we can't. We'll know when it's right, no need to force a situation." Wasn't that what lingered above their heads for quite a while though? Why hiding from it and beat around the bush? It was easier to just say it, to just assure Ronan that they could spend a special night now or somewhen else. It wasn't like Caelan never wanted to, but he voiced his take on that already. He wanted to do it right and they'd know when the time came, it was as easy as that. "Have you ever managed to teach me a new trick?", Caelan asked now joking, he knew himself he was impatient when he was teased in situations like this one.

      "Don't sigh, I didn't actually say it.", Caelan replied and he had grabbed onto Ronan, forcing him to stay close, if he hadn't been the one pinned to the ground by his wrists and due to the fact that Ronan was the one towering over him now. "If you wanted to hear I'd give you my virginity, I'd do that, but I already threw it out the window.", Caelan attempted a joke to lighten the mood. "But rest assured I'll give you at least my first time with a guy, I hope that's enough." If anyone had to worry about someone virginity, it was Caelan, he was the one with the experience that eventually could take something from Ronan he didn't want to give and certainly could never get back. Not that a mans virtue was important in their society, but it was still something to think about. "It's fine Ronan.", Caelan smiled trying to reassure Ronan. "Heads up, just act like you know what you are doing, I do that all the time." For a short moment Caelan was looking around as if he searched for something, but he knew what was near them and what wasn't. "We don't need those things.", he concluded with a smile and suddenly feeling the weight of Ronans head on his chest. "We both started talking again, which is the wrong use of our mouths, but you started, so if taking that into account..."

    • "So you are saying that letting yourself be surprised is better?" Caelan wasn't wrong, but Ronan wasn't like him - he couldn't stand surprises in one way or the other and he very much found himself stuck in a loop, doing whatever he wanted, wherever he wanted it, only to come fully cycle and be forced to actually take care of what others expected of him first. With Caelan, all of that was very much different - he didn't question things that needed no questioning and he, as stupid as it sounded, accepted almost everything at face value. "That's not what I was stressing about to begin with, but you're right - we can take our time and do this whenever and wherever we like it", he reassured the blonde. They both just had to find the right time to do it and until then, they would be stuck doing what was required of them, just a little while longer, or even after that, but why would they even regret it? "No, I actually haven't, but theoretically, I could still blame you for it, mainly because you are supposed to remember the new tricks, aren't you?", he suddenly laughed, but he knew that this wasn't the right time for it, nor was it really a genius idea to keep doing all of this, as well as clinging to one another.

      "I know, I know!" Wasn't it kind of sweet that the blonde was trying to accommodate for him and the things he wanted or didn't want to hear? Wasn't it kind of stupid that neither of them could speak a word to the other without sounding stupid right now? When did they dig their own grave like this, hell, why was all of this so complicated to take care of and why couldn't they just work together, as they normally should? It felt stupid, Ronan himself felt stupid and the question that arose was, mainly, why and how the two of them could prevent doing things that would cause them to harm one another, or even force situations to happen that neither of them wanted. "Because you're a whore", Ronan grumbled, though, he wasn't actually mad about it, Caelan had to make decisions and his had been that he'd try and do things until he found somethingt that he liked, that he though he could do - and Ronans was that he didn't even have to try, because he knew that he didn't care enough. "More than enough, really. It would suffice to say that I've given you my first kiss and that I'll continue giving you many more first times, so you better treat me right", he joked, but it wasn't wrong. Kissing someone wasn't something he'd really done out of romantical reasons before he'd met Caelan. "I'm not sulking, no need to built me up - I'm just trying to figure things out as I go along with them, just like you do." If he couldn't learn from his own mistakes, why wasn't he learning from Caelans, then? That was all he needed and frankly, there was nothing else to do for him either way. "We don't need them now but ... ah, fuck. Fine, you want me to blow you, then?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Yes, even if we try to plan everything, we don't know what comes next in the end.", he smiled, knowing that Ronan probably had a different opinion, because the two of them were different people. Ronan was probably planning a lot and if not that he constantly tried to uphold expectations various people had, good thing Caelan had none, Ronan only needed to be himself, that was enough. "Then what were you stressing about?", he asked, in the end he knew as much as before when the discussion started. Again he wasn't sure what Ronan wanted, or what he didn't want and Caelan also didn't know how to figure any of this out by himself, if Ronan couldn't tell him. "Didn't we say we won't talk and think anymore?" He didn't want Ronan to spiral back to wherever his head had been before. "Maybe you're just a bad teacher, I can't remember any tricks, in fact I think you never taught me something I'd be able to forget to begin with!", he let out like a child that was denied something and therefor a little bit grumpy. Most of the time he wasn't actually a good puppy, was he now?

      "I can see the gears in your head turning.", Caelan pointed out as Ronan didn't even come back to him, closer, in fact he seemed like he started to overthink again. "Yeah I am? What does this make you?", Caelan chuckled, he didn't mind if someone called him a whore, he probably deserved that. During almost every event he had at least one girl brought up to his room, what else would he have been called? He didn't know, all the while, he only would have needed to turn around and spot Ronan in the crowd to be happy. "I am doing my best.", he replied, he did treat Ronan right, didn't he? Sometimes he wasn't sure but what else than his best could he do? It was true, Ronan gifted Caelan many first whereas Caelan only had halfassed ones to offer, stuff that he didn't do with Ronan or another man, but with women of all sorts. "And how's that working out for you?", he asked with another chuckle, Ronan seemed to struggle, even unsure about the answer he got. "If you only stop thinking if it's the other way around, I can do the honors too, but since you already have a much better position and for the love of god should stop talking as much already..." Caelan took in the situation once more, if Ronan just kept thinking and thinking if Caelan didn't do anything, what was the point? But Ronan was the one who needed to figure things out. "Either way you have to let go of my wrists, or do you want to tie me up with a shirt?", he joked, thkining back at how he bundled up Ronan not too long ago.

    • "And if we just keep holding onto our plans, we're setting ourselves up for failure - is that what you're trying to tell me?" What else would it be? Keeping to the things one knew, not trying anything else, anything different, couldn't mean anything good, or even something comprehensible. Alas, they both were free to choose whatever they wanted, but somehow, that also meant that they had to deal with something sooner than later - the consequences that stemmed from their actions, or rather the realization that nothing was as it seemed, even though it should be. "Nothing important, really - but now I know what was on your mind, I guess", he mused. That was right, what else would he know about Caelan to begin with? In the end, both of them were easy to read once they understood what was going on in their heads, though, they couldn't just confess that kind of knowledge to anyone and everyone, could they now? Where would that even lead them? "Oh, so now you're shifting the blame onto me? What your mouth or I'll stuff it this time, you impatient puppy!", Ronan retaliated, any anger in his voice was subtle and pretty much not real - why would it even be? He had no reason to be upset, especially not at Caelan, not right now anyway.

      "And, what about them?", he grumbled. Right, he wasn't supposed to think or speak, he was just supposed to put his mouth to good use and to let all of the mixed feelings in his head collide with one another in hopes of conjuring something that made real, actual sense to them instead of all the misery he was prone to letting himself fall into. "The guy that wants to sleep with a whore?", Ronan laughed. They both were horrible people, weren't they? Right now, they were busy being at each others throats but in reality, there was no such thing - they actually enjoyed each others company and that was it, wasn't that right? "I can't deny that." When wasn't the blonde trying his best? He always took time to check that they both were comfortable, but he also always coddled Ronan and tried to figure things out, sought something out that would take all the trouble off of his shoulders and he truly wondered what it meant if he did nothing but that, nothing but obey for a split second and let himself be handled as his boyfriend wanted it. "Not great, but I have to get the hang of that first. Unlike you, I like to have plans - which I don't, not this time around", he sighed. True, he had not come out here to sleep with him, he actually had wanted to spend the night stargazing, but one stupid thing led to another and now they were doing ... whatever this was. "Fine, I'll shut the fuck up, how's that sound?", Ronan grumbled, not arguably pissed off by it but ... why should he shut his mouth? Instead of giving the blonde a verbal answer, he just raised his middle finger at him and bit a patch of flesh beneath him, only to let go of Caelans wrists, to move downward and take his hands with him, touching all the skin he could find first before actually going down on the blonde - who said he couldn't tease him?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "When you say it like that it sounds kind of depressing, but yeah. If you plan something you want it to turn out that way, right? And if it doesn't at the very least it's annoying.", Caelan agreed. When Ronan said the same thing Caelan was saying, or thinking, for whatever reason it sounded a hundred times more depressing or cyncial, how did he do that? It was apparent their personalities clashed sometimes somehow, Caelan was over being angry and depressed all the time and he turned himself into someone happy and positive, whereas Ronan was not only living in his shell, but was forced into it by his sorroundings and upbringing, mainly by his own father. This showed pretty often and it made them not understand each other at times, but at the same time at least Caelan hoped he was able to give Ronan something that helped him on the path he had to take. What exactly was it that Ronan gave to Caelan? Maybe Caelan just liked fixing things, or people in this case, but he actually thought his desire to protect and take care of him was a consequence rather than a reason. What truly made him fall for him probably was the fact that he had the feeling he could be honest, about his family, his father, whatever he wanted and he found someone that understood him and in a weird way was actually similar to him. "If you say so.", Caelan smiled, peering up at Ronan while he came to some realizations for whatever reason. "I love you. I mean it.", he suddenly said, this wasn't just a fling. "You own me, so you're responsible for any bad behaivior!", Caelan went back to joking, almost letting that out proudly and as if he had no fault, none that were his fault at least. He grinned a little bit, Ronan was invited to do his worst if he wanted to.

      "They are supposed to be on pause.", Caelan answered and shook his head. "If I'm actually a whore wouldn't I be able to charge you for that then?", he asked sticking out his tongue. These were only jokes, he knew Ronan thought better of it and that he appreciated and noticed his efforts. Caelan wanted to make all of this work. "You'll learn it.", Caelan smiled at Ronan. "We make a good couple, not planning at all might be as bad as planning very little detail, together maybe we'll get it right." Caelan chuckled again, he was able to accept that he had his faults as much as Ronan had his. At least Ronan stopped talking for now, though he found other ways to communicate. "Ah that's what our conversations will become - Ouch!", he yelled as he was bit, not soft and loving this time, but he probably had that coming. Caelan laughed, his wrist were freed meanwhile, though he decided not to do anything with his hands right now, he put them behind his head, ready to enjoy what Ronan had offered, while he gazed at the stars, this was why they were out here after all, right? Caelan felt Ronans hands, his teasing, but that was fine. Caelan let out a small grunt after a while, but that was about it, at least until Ronan actually put his mouth to use and let Caelans heart rate rise. He enjoyed this, but he probably should give back the favor at some point. "I need to think about how to repay you...", he mumbled, closing his eyes finally, concentrating on the feeling and Ronan and maybe the cold air that felt nice on his skin.

    • Ronan had nothing more to say, anything that could leave those lips of his felt horribly out of place anyway and whatever remained that he could have forced out of is mouth probably wasn't the best of decisions. Alas, whatever he had planned for himself was nothing more than something he'd regret once he found it crawling out of his mouth before coming to a halt, before slowing down to a crawl and showing him how much he was missing, how much he messed everything up by merely seeing it at face-value. Truthfully, they both were young and didn't have to understand everything that was thrown their way, but more often than not, he was trying to dig deeper and find underlying issues that actually weren't there, but what then? Ronan had no idea, nor did he really want to waste his current thoughts on that - his boyfriend was right, he should stop thinking and just accept the situation for what it was right now, swallow down the truth and keep denying it while he looked for his very own truth. After that, well, he didn't know what to do, but why plan it now when he had god knew how long to figure just that out? Truth be told, he wasn't ... who cared? It was just him and Caelan out here, after all.

      His mouth was busy doing other things not long thereafter, there was no reason for him to raise his voice at Caelan or even think about giving him a piece of mind, hell, the two of them were better off out here like this, all on their own and away from things that would only seek to harm them, especially the ... again, he was trailing off, wasn't he? Ronan didn't know how he managed to do that, even as he stopped teasing his boyfriend and went down on him, especially now that he was supposed to forget all of it, all at once. Naturally, there were going to be complications, but this wouldn't go on forever and as much as he wanted to forget, he found himself kind of stuck between wanting to annoy the fuck out of Caelan and actually drifting back to things that he shouldn't, though, he was fairly quick at discarding those thoughts. What was he thinking about? Right now, he was the one running his fingers over Caelans inner thighs, pushing his legs the slightest bit apart and putting his mouth to good use, so much in fact, that he only could shoot the blonde a short glare from down there and accept that karma had it out for him these past few days. There was no silky smooth skin for him to touch, actually, Caelan was more like a sea of scars, held together at his seams by nothing more than his willpower and while he probably could have just asked him why that was, he rather shut up and wrapped his lips around the blondes dick - what else was there left to do, after all? In the end, he was the one that was supposed to bob his head up and down, and make him come, all the while his hand swere looking for a suitable place to be, as they went to wherever they could reach.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan was enjoying this, he enjoyd lying here outside on a blanket, surrounded by nature but ultimately alone with Ronan. His boyfriend probably didn't feel like him, he probably happier inside, but after bein locked up, with a head hurting for days, being outside like this now did wonders for the blonde. He felt more awake and revitalised. He also was happy about the fact that carrying around Ronan had been possible without much of a probelm, his strength was coming back to him, not like days ago when standing up alone had been a problem. He had feared all of this would take an awfully long time to heal, instead he now only needed to worry about another scar he was left with. Ronan wasn't the first person to leave a scar on Caelans body during a tournament or during training, but he'd probably never been cut that deep. It was his fault for training and fighting with real swords though and the rest of his scars were his fault too, because he had fallen down a cliff or into a thorny bush, or did something else that had been nothing more than stupid, there was nothing heroic or manly about most of it though.

      For now he didn't care about that or about how he would look like in a month or two, how the scar would heal. He only cared about Ronan and what he did. Caelan didn't mind the teasing, the opposite, he enjoyed it as much as the cold air and the sounds of the night. He enjoyed being here to just relax and get rid of some tension. Even the soft pulsating pain in his cheek vanished from one second to the next, instead his body tensed up while at the same time he felt very relaxed. His body twitched under Ronans touch and in the end his hand reached for Ronans hair. He buried his fingers in the black strands and let out a deep sigh. Wasn't there something Ronan wanted him to remember? But Caelan didn't want to remind him, he had forgotten what it was anyway. His grip loosened again soon enough and Caelan looked down towards Ronan. "And in exchange you want...?"

    • Taking his mind off of things - wasn't that the sole reason why they were doing this? Then, why wasn't it working as it should? Though, Ronan couldn't complain all that much, in the end, he had what he wanted, or at least what both of them wanted and the fact that he might have to insinuate that it wasn't the case would be shameful enough as was. Caelan was all he wanted, as much as he had wanted whatever they were doing right now, but what else was there to for him, besides etching his fingers into the blondes skin and hoping for something that was a little less extensive than those thoughts of his that kept haunting him without a real reason? Wasn't it selfish to think about him, not his boyfriend and his wellbeing, or was it alright to doubt himself even while doing something like this? In the end, there was nothing that sounded satisfactory enough for him to conclude all of this, but he caught himself again and again, tripping over his own thoughts - only to be pulled out of them soon thereafter and he very much knew that there were other things to do, that theoretically, he shouldn't be doing this, but who even gave a damn? He didn't and Caelan, seemingly, didn't either, so it was more than right to just do this, wasn't it?

      Soon, it didn't matter were his hands were or what it was, that he actually was doing - all that he cared about was getting this over with, or rather getting to play with his boyfriend some more, even though he had to do some actual work to even achieve that. Naturally, he could have just gone the easier route and focused on one or two things, thought about it once more before doing it, but he didn't - Caelan didn't want him to think, so instead he discarded all their was until the blonde beneath him tensed up and bitter liquid filled his mouth. Though, Ronan could have just swallowed it, he didn't - instead, he took his mouth off of his boyfriend, uncaring for now, wondering what else there was to do for him and how he would get away with doing it, as simple as that. The young noble raised himself and closed the distance between him and Caelan, their lips in fact, and pried the others mouth open, just to give him a taste of his own medicine. Even though he was fairly aware that he could have fucked that up, he didn't - just for once - and whatever he didn't force down the blondes throat, he swallowed himself, as he pulled away from the blonde. Any residue remaining on his lips, he licked off of them - only to present his boyfriend with a cheeky grin. "I think that suffices."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.