sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

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    • Caelans body was still tingling all over and he felt good out here, with nothing more than some crickets surrounding them. The blanket was fully draped around Ronan, while Caelan didn't have it over all his body, but that was fine, he wasn't cold, actually it felt kind of hot right now. He wondered if Ronan was able to forget like that, when he himself was doing the work and not the relaxing, when he didn't concentrate on touches and also wasn't robbed of air, making that his main concern. Caelan hoped so, but he might have felt a little bit bad for being the one on the receiving end, just leaning back and doing nothing more than that, he felt like he needed to repay Ronan in some way, but maybe Ronan was going to feel better if they first went back inside. Was he the one thinking too much now? Maybe, but all of this vanished anyway when he started to see stars no matter if he had his eyes opened or closed.

      The grip on Ronans hair loosened and he looked down at him, getting no answer. Caelan hadn't got much capacity to think right now, he still grasped for air and the hair on his arms stood on end. He watched Ronan crawl up to him without saying a word and he wanted to kiss him as he thought that was Ronans intention. Instead however he soon was met with a bitter taste, his body tensing up but he didn't have much room to escape with Ronan on top of him. That was what Caelan was supposed to remind Ronan of, right? The blonde gulped down what he received, gravity was against him right now, so there probably was almost nothing left in Ronans mouth. After Ronan pulled back again, Caelan looked up, his cheeks red and grasping for air even more than before. He didn't even know what to answer to that, but at the very least he wasn't mad, he actually enjoyed Ronan being as cheeky and doing what he pleased with his boyfriend.

    • Ronan was great at overstepping boundaries, at not knowing when he'd done enough to embarrass himself, those aorund him and the world that followed, but whatever it was, why should he be the one to care, the one to form his opinions, based on things that had about the same relevance as his thoughts to others? Caelan was different from them all, starting from understanding him as a person, as someone that lived, that breathed, that felt things and understanding him as a being, as someone that not only existed to nurture others, but also himself and his broken form, those thousand pieces and more that nobody was willing to pick up from the floor beneath the two of them - except Caelan, who seemingly started to collect them all for himself, one by one, shard by shard, only to haphazardly try to get them to stay in place. "You know", Ronan suddenly let loose, cutting through the silence that surrounded the two of them. What was this, if not a moment of respite, a sensation to be felt once he knew more about himself, more about the things he'd never felt to begin with? "I didn't know I was so good that it would leave you speechless - or is it because I disgusted you so much just now?", he broke out laughing, obviously referring to the fact that he had Caelan swallow most of his own cum.

      What was this, if not a base for things to prosper, for a plant to take root after years of having them pulled from its body and cut off? Although, he didn't want to think about that right now. Instead, Ronan raised that hand of his and brought it up to Caelans face, to his flaring red cheeks and stroke over them with but his thumb, as if he were lost in two blue marbles, enthralled by the sight before him, even though he himself knew that that wasn't the case, no. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, though", he whispers, eventually letting gravity have the upper hand and sinking down onto the body, taking his hands off of the blondes face and burying his own in Caelans chest, all the while he was pulling the blanket and, likewise, the coat over them. "If it was just a tad bit warmer, I'd consider spending the night with you out here, a bit further away from everything, but still, as long as the weather is good, why would we hide ourselves?" There were many things that he, purposefully, disregarded. Out here, there were no four walls to offer him safety or to grant him security, there was nothing that couldn't be seen and yet, both of them were behaving exceptionally daring, unwilling to even admit to any wrongdoing on their part or anything of that sort. "But, you know, with you by my side, I don't even need to go stargazing. You're so damn handsome, it's distracting."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Idiot.", Caelan said with a smile, using his arm to wipe away anything that might have been left on his face. At least Ronan had fun and he seemed to think of the situation right now and not of any problems he had to deal with, nor with any scenarios that might wait for them. In the end he took his mind off of things for once, didn't he? That was good. "It was good.", he said as if Ronan needed to hear that he did great, maybe he did. It had been great, Caelan felt good and he had time to relax under the stars, that was something he really liked. Ronans body grew heavier as he stopped carrying his own weight and laid down on Caelan. The blonde put his arms around his boyfriend, holding him firmly and still looking at the stars, the only witnesses of what had happened. Oh he wished they lived in another time or another place, somewhere where they had the possibility to just be who they were, without the need to hide. Hiding Ronan felt like anyone was able to claim him for himself, though he wasn't available in the first place.

      "In summer then, we'll do some camping somewhere where it's warm, so probably not Fhaergus.", Caelan chuckled, they'd finde a place and the time at some point, right? Caelan had been spoiled already, they spent a long time out here, he was ready to go back inside if Ronan wanted to, without any complaints. Caelans gaze fell upon Ronan again as he spoke his next words, now the blonde was the one laughing. "Is the alcohol getting to your head now?", he asked upon receiving an exceptionally cheesy compliment that was almost weirdly straight forward for Ronan. He was the one usually blushing and not able to say all he really wanted to, but on the other hand Caelan was used to be praised to the heavens by him, at least for his looks. He himself wasn't unhappy with what he got, but he also thought he was a pretty standard dude, nothing special, but also not ugly. "Or are you getting a fever?". he wanted to know, checking Ronans forehead for any signs, any hot temperature, but of course he felt fine, nobody got sick in an half an hour.

    • "Why? Am I being stupid again?", Ronan wanted to know almost immediately. He knew that all of this, as stupid as it may have sounded, was merely in good faith and Caelan was no one to judge, to actually have something against him or literally mean what he had said. That, among other things, was something that he liked a lot about the blonde, even though ... didn't he like a lot about his boyfriend, so much in fact, that his looks were enough to justify his attraction to himself? Alas, all of this was nothing more than a search for purpose, a wanton longing for a place that he truly belonged to and once he found it, he figured, the world wouldn't look as bleak as it did right now, simply because he had so much more than just himself or a flawed basis of what happiness should truly be. For now, it was enough to know that he himself lived, that he had the ability to enjoy himself and that the world around him was nothing more than revolving around all of them, no matter how little and fragile they were feeling, they were absolutely fine. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Right now, I feel more like a whore", the young noble suddenly mused. Well, was he wrong? He was the one that offered up his mouth more than once, just for some simple pleasure.

      Though, in the end, being close to Caelan was fairly nice, especially like this when there was no pesky clothing between them and they could just be together for as long as their bodies permitted it, or well, their minds did. The two of them, albeit forced to keep away from one another, always gravitated back to the same things it seemed and for that, he felt forever grateful. What else was there to do for him anyway? "How about Thria, then?", he suddenly proposed. Who'd stop them once they'd crossed the border? In the end, they could chalk it up to being an expedition, chalk it up at wanting to know more about a place they didn't understand and yet, they could do just that and nothing more, simply because of the fact that the world didn't revolve about them, which, needless to say, wasn't anything new. "No, but I could drink some more, how's that sound?", he exclaimed and was already stretching out his arm, blindly grasping for the bottle in all the wrong directions and not finding a single thing, except their blanket, their clothing or even some grass. His aim and memory were terrible, weren't they? "A fever? Do you really think I'm as sickly as rumors claim? I have to disappoint you, Caelan of Fhaergus, I'm just an ambitious liar that knows how to get out of situations."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "What do you think?", Caelan simply asked, not looking at Ronan, but instead looking up at the sky again. All of a sudden he seemed so happy, that wasn't a bad thing, but Ronans mood swings were strange. Maybe he just enjoyed that he had done something for Caelan, or he enjoyed the fact that he himself showed off some power and forced Caelan to do something, although he called him so strong and tall. Caelan wasn't sure if he ever was going to be able to understand Ronan fully, somehow he was a mystery yet at other times he was very predictable. "Oh, do you take money now?", he asked because Ronan called himself a whore. The blonde reached out his hand in the direction his pants lay, as if he was searching for some coins in his pockets there, after all apparently he needed to pay Ronan now. He was merely joking and he didn't have any cash on him right now anyway.

      Caelan wrapped his arms back around Ronan and held him tight. He also plucked on the blanket again to make sure that Ronans was staying warm and his skin was not exposed. "Thria? I said somewhere warm. You think you would stand multiple nights in the wolves domain? Besides, I don't think they'd not allow travelers there, but in the end they might shoo us away if we wanted to stay there just for fun. Provided they find us.", Caelan answered softly shaking his head, he had thought of Lavern, or maybe Myriad. Somewhere at the coast maybe? "You're awfully curious about the wolves, aren't you? And that while not leaving your room if not forced to. They don't even have rooms if I'm not mistaken.", he pointed out with a slight chuckle. Wolves after all lived in big tents, which was fine, but nothing Ronan would fancy, right? "Do you really want to drink some more?", he asked and watched Ronan stretch out his arm without any result. "I'm just searching for causes that make you talk nonsense. But if you now say you're a liar, does that mean you don't think I'm handsome?"

    • "I'm taking that as a yes", he expressed. After all, what else did he think this was? Just a joke, an invitation to do something even more stupid or a confession to many things, including those that he hadn't done yet? Whatever it was, whatever it seemed to be, Ronan wasn't sure, but for now, there was no need to know and even better, they both had their secrets - ones they'd keep and others that they'd share, but neither of them were meant for other eyes and ears than their own, that was all the information that the needed to figure things out, to realize how the world went when no one was looking and to admit to themselves that they'd done many questionable things. "I deserve a reward for my good services, don't you think? Why wouldn't I take payment?", he chuckled. After all, he was the one that constantly kept forcing his head between Caelans two legs and blowing him, just for the fun of it and to take his mind off of things. While his beloved was, in every sense of the word, nothing more than a whore that was trying a bit too hard to make himself appear as normal as he could be, he was the one that also didn't ask questions, that just opened his mouth for his lover and swallowed what he received, without asking if he should, he could or if that even was something he was supposed to do. But alas, while Caelan got some girls to spread their legs for him, he was the one that made him spread his own. His eyes followed the blondes hand, all the way to their clothes and from what little he could tell like this, it was nothing more than a matter of time until either of them was taking this joke to far.

      Whatever bound them together like this was, however, not going to let go of them anytime soon and that meant that no matter what came for them or no matter when it did, they would eventually figure all of it out on their own terms, at their own pace - Ronan wasn't aware of how it would go, but all things considered, it was most likely going to be bittersweet and nothing more than that, as was their relationship now. "The areas close to the borders aren't frigid and I'm inclined to believe that it's only going to get cold if we go down south - I've heard that down there, there's a frigid ocean, almost cast in ice - and no adrestian that went down there has ever returned. But that's besides the point, I'm fine with anything as long as it's out of sight." Though, Ronan knew that maybe Caelan, of all peopel, would enjoy the wolves' barren land and the cold temperatures that plagued the country, turning most parts of it in an uncultivated and frozen wasteland. "I've been taught about the wolves for a few years now, why wouldn't I be curious? Besides, I only ever hear my father complain about them but in reality, they seem nice, even though they do live in nothing more but tents - but alas, their beliefs, gods and philosophies are different from ours, so who are we to judge?", he explained. Ronan knew too much, just a tad bit, but in the end, Thria was part of him and he'd always be part of it, whether he wanted to or not, it wasn't his choice to begin with. "Yes, why wouldn't I?", Ronan suddenly asked, looking at Caelan and seeming quite puzzled about being asked those things, before his hands finally found one of the bottles that he'd brought. "Look, it wasn't a lie that you are handsome but what I'm saying is that, without a doubt, I'm not the most honest person because I can't afford that. But, rest assured, you're still the most handsome person that I've ever laid my eyes on." And as if he meant to conclude it, he finally put the bottle to his lips, took a large whisk and offered it to the blonde.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "A reward?", Caelan asked raising an eyebrow, then he shook his head. "Isn't this just your duty, or rather your privilege as my boyfriend?", he answered and couldn't help but grin. Ronan was probably not satisfied with that answer as well as he probably wouldn't have been satisfied with some coins as a reward, he probably wanted something else, if anything. Caelan was big on returning favors and he already felt like he was the one constantly being in debt, because he got his wishes and Ronan kept his for another time, but right now he asked himself if Ronan wanted to stay out here. Caelan wouldn't have minded to sleep under the stars, but just behind a hill, not far from Ronans home, that was a bad idea, especially when not wearing any clothes. Besides, Ronan would probably grow cold at some point, even though he had Caelan to warm him up right now. "So how much would your service cost?", he asked instead of asking if Ronan wanted to get dressed and back inside, just for now.

      "The wolves domain is very much out of sight and they wouldn't bother even if they saw us, right? But still, aren't you better off in Lavern or Olette? There are quiet places too and it's hot, so even you won't get cold.", Caelan asked. Not that he didn't want to visit places he'd never been to before, but he wasn't sure if Ronan would be happy there, after all it was still kind of chilly there, right? Besides, was it dangerous there? Not that Caelan minded a fight either, but he was worried about Ronan. It was different from going on adventures with Cameron. "Isn't their gods and believes precisley what many people judge?", Caelan asked, but he didn't want to start a fight or argue about why some people hated the wolves. It was mostly Alster anyway, Wezette too , but that wss because actual problems with their borders. Rumors down there talked about wolves eating the citizens from Wezette, but that probably were nothing more than rumors. Caelan looked at Ronan, pulling himself out of his thoughts and smiling, while also snapping one finger against Ronans forhead. "Because you are overly cheesy.", he explained calmly. He watched Ronan take the bottle and take a sip, only to have the blanket fall off of his shoulder slightly, so Caelan neatly put it back. "Well are you honest with me?", Caelan wanted to know and shook his head, declining the offer of some more to drink.

    • "Yes", he mumbled. Was that too much to ask for, or was his boyfriend just playing with him? Ronan didn't know, couldn't tell, but what he knew was that, out of all people, his boyfriend would be the most likely to reward him for being good, wouldn't he? "Don't get your priorities twisted - I do what I want because I like to. If it were my duty, I wouldn't ask for a reward", and there he was, being all cocky once more and sticking his tongue out at the blonde. What else was he supposed to anyway? In reality, neither of them knew, or could tell, what this world was supposed to bring them or where it would carry them. The two of them were, very much, like leaves in the gentle summer breeze and then, once more, swept away by something bigger than that. Actually, why were they even trying to hide things, why were they thinking about what glued them together, what made them who they were if the answer lay before them, as clear as day? "A kiss on the lips is all I'm asking for", he cheekily answered and maybe, just maybe, his boyfriend thought that he was cute like that, but he knew, for a fact, that the blonde always thought of him as endearing, as if there was nothing bad about him and he wasn't, in fact, the black sheep of his family like he thought he'd be. "Caelan, I'm supposed to be a son of the country I represent and Alster is, because of it's geographical location, frigid - not as long as Thria or Fhaergus, but cold nonetheless. I can handle some nights out in the cold, huddled up in a tend, really. What do I gain from moving my ass to Olette if I shouldn't be there? And why go to Lavern if I don't need to. I appreciate the thought but ... I'll do fine anywhere", Ronan grumbled.

      Truthfully, he didn't know if he was equipped to handle colder climates - he'd never been past certain parts of differing countries and none were as cold as Fhaergus got during winter or even the deep south of Thria. Albeit ... they wouldn't go that deep into the country, would they? In the end, he could still try to talk them out of any situations, but to the wolves, they were nothing more than foreigners, strangers and maybe even enemies. "That, among other things. But I don't get why. Who the hell cares about make-believe gods, about whatever faith you carry with you? Isn't it all fate and luck?" There was silence after that, except for the glass of the bottle he was holding, that had another rendezvous with his lips and teeth as he took another gulp, before he actually put it aside and let it be where it was. "Who knows for sure what they believe in? People from Alster and Wezette run their mouth all day long and somehow, no one has ever seen them practice black magic or actually eat people, if that's what you mean. Sure, they live in tents and have traditions that we don't, but they aren't us and as we've concluded before, I think, we probably stole more of their land than we want to admit. But nevermind, why is it that we like to talk about differences and politics whenever we are supposed to be romantic?" Laughter was what fled from his lips, but he knew, for one, that alcohol was only there to boost his ego and that another gulp could only help him, though, where would that lead him? "Oh so I can't be romantic? Jokes aside, I'm not feeling it yet ... if you let me finish the bottle, I fear that it'll be different." How many gulps for confidence was the right amount? Only one way to find out, no? "I am, as of right now, being honest and playing with as many open cards as I can. The things you don't know aren't obscured by lies, I merely haven't imparted them onto you yet. Does that satisfy you? I'd never lie about you being so horribly hot that the best thing I could think of when I had you drunk in my room was sucking you off. Hm, other than that, I guess I was cheesy enough to sketch you a few times?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Only a kiss? But you can have that any time.", Caelan laughed, but still he lifted his head up and at the same time pulled Ronan closer to kiss him. Afterwards he let himself fall back on the ground again to look at Ronan who seemed like he tried to prove something again he didn't have to. "Even Laverns spring night weather was too cold for you Ronan...", Caelan reminded him and besides, he even told the blonde that his fingers always felt kind of stiff and cold, wasn't that enough prove that they would be better off camping somewhere where it's warm? "You've told me you don't agree with the politics of Lavern and Olette and you don't like most of the nobles, but we don't have to meet anyone there, the beaches are accessible to anyone and I don't mind the heat with some water right next to me." Actually he didn't need to bring Ronan there or anywhere else and it wasn't exactly Caelans problem if Ronan was cold in the end, but still he worried, maybe a little too much. "But if you insist, we can go somewhere cold to, near the border or wherever." Did Ronan ever do anything like that in the first place? Did he even know hot to set up a tent?

      "You're defending them quite a lot.", Caelan pointed out, even he noticed that. Whenever they talked about the wolves Ronan was defending them, or thinking about visiting their country, or telling Caelan what was better there and showed him books written by them. For someone whos father hated them so much, Ronan sure did the opposite, but maybe that was the whole reason for it, Ronans father and the fact that he just didn't want to have the same opinion. Caelan had pretty much none regarding the wolves, he never saw one and Fhaergus had no problem with them, they didn't share a border in the first place. Also why would wolves crawl all the way over Fhaergus mountains just to be somewhere else quite as cold? "I didn't know we are supposed to be romantic.", he smiled, focusing on something else again. "You're always complaining that I think too high of you and yet you do the same thing and exaggerate when it comes to me.", Caelan pointed out with a slight grin. "So you are merely hiding things from me. Well, I can't do anything about that. But you are again praising me too much." Caelan was the one caressing Ronans tender body and his smooth skin right now, something the blonde didn't have and Ronan didn't need to get rid off. He didn't know what it was that made him think he needed scars and that he needed to be taller, he didn't need to be anyone or anything else. "You did? I want to see them."

    • “I know, but I really don’t want more than that right now”, he reassured the blonde - and that was it. Ronan wanted nothing more than a bit of silence and a kiss, he didn’t need anything else, not right here or anytime soon. But he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t get what he asked for, which - in turn - meant, that at least Caelan seemed to give a damn about his opinion, although he never didn’t and none of this stood up to any scrutiny to begin with. “I was wet ... uh, well, I’m soaked right now as well but we have three blankets and I’m not trying to desperately get into your pants, you know?” Was this supposed to make his boyfriend feel better about any of this, or anything that would soon follow this situation? Or was it just that he, of all people, was trying to prove a point? But to whom, and why? In the end, there was no definite way to answer that, although some questions were - probably - better left unanswered, as stupid as it sounded and as brainless as it seemingly was. “I’ll be up to whatever you want to do, really. There’s no need to figure it out right now and there’s also no use in it, I think. We’ll see when it happens - you’d wing it otherwise, no?”

      There was no laughter from him this time, no easily amused chuckle and the fact that he’d been growing accustomed to laughing, instead, his initial smile dissipated, even though the darkness cast over him didn’t show much of it to begin with and Ronan thought about it. “Should I just brainlessly claim that they’re what’s wrong with this world and let them die by my hand because I don’t necessarily care for them, or because I hate them, all of which would be based on tales that our parents have been told by their parents? Don’t be silly”, Ronan said. In truth, Caelan was right, he was showing his bias, but alas, there always was a way to get out of things and there - more often than not - was the revelation that not everything was as bleak as one claimed it to be. “Whatever, we needn’t be, after all, being romantic is nothing more than a step closer to acting like an old couple.” Which they weren’t, never would be and Ronan was fine - the simple thought of just spending the rest of his youth with the blonde was fine and after that, well, he and Caelan would part ways, wouldn’t they? “Telling you everything from the start and only playing with open cards would be boring”, he mused, just as he put his hands back on the blonde and caressed that part of his face that he hadn’t permanently ruined. “There’s no such thing as too much praise ...”, was all that he informed the blonde about, just before he leaned down to get a kiss from him and think some more about what it meant to be here, like this. “Tomorrow, does that sound fair?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan had nothing against giving Ronan the reward he asked for, a simple kiss was something Ronan could always ask for, well as long as it wasn't in front of others, but he wouldn't ask then. There was only one occasion where they were able to do that - hopefully - and that would be the masquerade ball they wanted to attend as a couple, with Ronan wearing a dress just so they were able to spend a normal night together in front of everyone else. "Well maybe that's because I don't wear any pants right now.", Caelan answered with a slight smile. He wondered if Ronan had played him just to have him close one single night, but did it matter? Caelan wasn't forced by him to hold him in his arms, nor was he feeling any negative feelings towards the idea. In fact he had just fallen asleep without spending another thought. "I'll have us survive anywhere, not matter where.", he answered again smiling, for him it didn't matter if they went to the wolves lands, or south, or to some beaches in Olette, or if they just visited Fhaergus forests. If Caelan had any doubts then just because he worried about Ronan.

      Caelan hit a weak spot as it seemed, watched Ronan loose his smile and yet again defend the land he called Thria. The fact that his father had most of the problems with the wolves seemed to agitate him even more, though Alster was pretty much the only country that might slip into a war with the wolves, anyone else didn't care, at least Fhaergus didn't and Stenz sure as hell didn't either. "I didn't say that.", Caelan pointed out and decided that anything else would probably just push Ronan to arguing even more, but there was no reason to convince Caelan that the wolves were just people like the people of Adrestia were, nothing more and nothing less. Caelan didn't want to kill them, if anything he and Cameron always dreamt of traveling to the icy waters in the west. "But you already know everything about me.", Caelan mumbled. He looked up at Ronan, framed by the night sky and the moon shining bright. He was just about to tell Ronan that there in fact was too much praise, at least Ronan always felt uncomfortable when Caelan praised him a tad bit too much, but the kiss kept him from answering, instead he lost himself in the kiss for a short while. "Tomorrow, mhm.", Caelan answered after their lips had parted again. He looked up once more and felt Ronans hand on the cheek that hadn't been torn apart, as well as his gaze that lay on him. "Not so handsome anymore, huh...?", he mumbled. He was sure the roughly patched together skin wasn't looking any better in the dim light out here and he had been lying if he told Ronan he didn't care and didn't worry about how it would look once it was healed completely. However it would look, now it was worse and the blonde was sure that the skin around the cracked bones was still blue or at least some shade of green.

    • Young and stupid, nothing more. Loathed by those that neither of them could admire and chased after by those that never really thought twice what their life would turn into. In the end, Ronan of Alster was uncertain what the future would bring and what he, of all people, was to endure, once it hit him to begin with. Reality was harsh, as much as he loathed to admit it, but what else was he supposed to do, if not keep his chin up and admit to it all, admit to the fact that he was only buying himself time because being alive felt good, all of a sudden? "I already got into your pants tonight, so no wonder", Ronan told his boyfriend quite suddenly, blurted it out even - and that was all he had to do, there was nothing else, just because the two of them were alone, ensnared by the darkness around them and all that lit their eventual way home was the pale moon, the one thing watching them out here. "I'll take your word for it ... and I trust you, more than I most likely should", Ronan called out, but he was right - who was as silly as either of them to offer to lay down all of their life just for the other, who they barely knew for maybe a month or two? Had it really been that short? "Just don't forget about yourself while you care for me, or else I'll have to take care of us both."

      Thria was, to some extend, his homeland, but whenever he and Caelan struck up a conversation regarding it, he couldn't hold back as it seemed - it was stupid, maybe even idiotic, to dream of a world where he was a nameless shadow wandering the barren, snow-riddled wasteland with his father, but even then, he had a name, two even - and with two names came two identities, one that he'd never live. "I wasn't insinuating that you said that, I'm sorry - sometimes I just lose myself in things and blurt out stupid shit without thinking twice about it", he informed the blonde, still being trapped below him. From here on out, he should just shut up, keep his opinions to himself - if he didn't, Caelan would start to question most of it soon, if he wasn't already. Passion had nothing to do with it, not even anger that he directed against his father - Ronan was, for the lack of a better word, entrapped in a world that he could no longer understand and something that, albeit seemingly not too painful, threw him out of the loop. "There's more below the surface than you're aware of. Maybe you'll have to shed some layers first, peel your own self apart and you'll find what's down at the core - no?", he suggested. Somehow, they were all multi-layered, had so many facetes that they themselves weren't aware of and yet, happiness had to take root in all of them at some point, didn't it? The youth brought down his face to that of his boyfriend, pressed forehead against forehead and nose against nose, all the while he gently cupped the injured side of his face, running his thumb over the stitches for a shallow second, to not disturb the healing wound. "Stop telling yourself that", he suddenly blurted out. "It adds to your charm. And I'm sure it'll serve as a great reminder."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Mhm... pretty much the same as the first time as well. Only that I'm not drunk this time around.", Caelan remarked with a short and deep laugh. Unbelievable that that happened only a view month before and in between they didn't see each other more than they did see each other. Caelan wanted to use the time well they had together, because no one was able to know when all of this would end and if it did it probably came suddenly. Both of them were young, yes, but they also were almost adults and as such had duties to fulfill, first and foremost both of them would need to search for a wife in the years to come. Caelan wasn't sure if he'd be able to stand the thought of Ronan being with someone else and not him, but they couldn't run forever, as much as they couldn't live a double life forever. It probably wouldn't be fair to their future wives either, even though they wouldn't want to marry them in the first place. Caelan smiled as he was told that Ronan trusted him, for some reason it made him happy, though this time around they only talked about some vacation they'd spend camping. "Don't worry about me.", he replied. "I am capable of taking care of us both." Maybe he should, somewhere else, not here, somewhere they could be together and nobody would care.

      "Don't worry about it.", Caelan replied. There was no reason for Ronan to get worked up over this and trying to calm him down Caelan let his fingers brush over Ronans side. "I'm more interested in your secrets than mine and I think I know everything about myself, though I was surprised a few months back in Lavern, but... I don't think there is something else buried inside of me.", he answered looking up, what was it that Ronan wasn't ready to tell him? He wasn't mad, after all they didn't know each other for a long enough time, it was fine to keep some secrets. Before Caelan thought too hard about it and put one and one together Ronan came closer. Caelan twitched slightly as Ronans hand touched his cheek albeit carefully, but it didn't hurt, in fact it didn't feel bad at all, just stung a little bit. "A reminder of what? That you're the stronger one?", he asked with a smile, moving one hand into Ronans hair, to keep him close a while longer. "My charm... another scar you can admire?" Caelans father would be reminded of the act that his son was as useless and reckless as he always said, but who cared aout him. "At least you can stand to look at me again, that reassures me, you were averting your gaze before..."

    • “You could be, if you wanted to”, Ronan offered his boyfriend, knowing fully well that none of this would help - Caelan wouldn’t just miraculously take up the bottle of moonshine that he’d brought, put it to his chapped lips and down the bitter, burning liquid in one solid go. Both of them were somewhat doomed to exist with one another, all the while being without one another - and that meant that neither of them should really exist, didn’t it? “I’ll ask you about that when you get mauled by an animal or break some bones”, he retaliated. They both had no time to be joking around like that, they had a future to focus on and things to see, to accomplish and goals to reach - and until then, they were somewhat free to do whatever they wanted, even though that meant that the two of them had to part eventually. Whenever that came, Ronan wondered, would they really be able to let go of each other or were they bound to any oaths that they had made before? Was there even anything except dares and promises that glued their relationship together, or was he the one that was slowly succumbing to his own stupidity, to a world that he had neither knew nor understood? What did he know, really.

      “My secrets? If you’re that interested, maybe you can pry them from my lips - you just need to know how and I’m sure you’ll figure it out in no time”, he remarked, knowing better than anyone else that he - of all people - would only be willing to confess all of this to Caelan, to the only person that seemingly understood what he was going on about and what his life seemed to be about. “And I’m sure there’s something you don’t know about, not yet anyway - about yourself, I mean. Sometimes, it takes quite a while to understand.” In the end, he hadn’t grown to accept himself from one day to the other and being told who he was, well, finding out wasn’t the easiest process either. Albeit they both could be carefree right now, Ronan also knew that there were times when he had to be on guard - where he couldn’t just speak his mind, or even run after Caelan. “That you shouldn’t always try to take care of me - or, well, that maybe it isn’t all that smart if you try to do something as stupid as looking after me when you’re trying to beat me in a tournament.” It was hard to say if Caelan would gave made any of his injuries worse, especially if he decided to fight with all his strength, but alas, Ronan wasn’t about to find out, not here, not now, or anytime soon - that was almost impossible, especially since Caelan wouldn’t just openly admit to it. “Everything about you is admirable, one more scar just adds to it. And it’ll be the topic of some gossip, I believe”, Ronan murmured. Even if he were to stop existing at some point, that didn’t mean that all of him had to fade - a wound like that would turn into a scar, something visible for years to come, no? “It’s not that I find you ugly because you have it, or that I hate you for it - somehow, it serves as more of an reminder for myself and of my shortcomings ... but, that’s enough. How about another kiss?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I'm good, thank you.", Caelan chuckled. As he had said, he just wanted to taste some of what Alster had to offer after Ronan had talked about it before and called Laverns wine not strong enough, though they both woke up with a headache the next morning. Caelan also didn't need any more alcohol to spend time with Ronan, he actually rather looked it him without the world spinning. "I had my fights with wild animals, I doubt this will happen again.", he replied, he couldn't promise anything about broken bones though, but even then he'd still take care of Ronan somehow. Caelan knew he was able to survive a lot of things, some broken bones didn't stop him from fighting, though the questions was what was he going to fight for anyway? They both were pretty safe here, right? Even when they traveled to the wolves domain, Caelan doubted he had to protect Ronan from wild animals, or... well wolves. There probably was no use for his strength or stubbornness, but Ronan should know he had nothing to fear as long as he had Caelan by his side.

      "I don't know where to start.", he smiled, but it didn't matter anyway. If Caelan needed to know Ronans secrets he'd tell him and if he didn't want him to know that was fine too, Caelan wasn't planning on pushing Ronan to tell him anything. Maybe deep inside he already knew some of it, because he listened to Ronan when they talked, but Caelan himself probably wasn't ready to think too much about it, at the very least maybe Ronan wouldn't want him to guess what it was he didn't tell him. "There were a lot of things I didn't know about myself or my family, but the past few years I figured out a lot. I'm not sure if I will be surprised once more, but then again I needed to meet you to know that I'd never had found what I had searched for in any girl." And now there he was, loving a man, although he shouldn't, but he couldn't do anything about it, he didn't want to. He was happy and he didn't care about what others thought of it or if he was going to hell for kissing Ronan. "Hm... that's actually something that makes a lot of sense. But I'm not sure if I can stop looking out for you, no matter the circumstances. The scar won't help with me being stubborn like that." Caelan knew he wasn't all too smart about this and maybe he'd regret his stubbornness at some point, but this was who he was and he wasn't sure if he was able to change, or wanted to in the first place. "I think it shows that I'm not as strong as I maybe want to be, but at the same time I think people will think exactly the opposite.", he mumbled thinking about it. At the very least Caelan learned that he wasn't invincible and he had to become stronger if he actually wanted to protect someone. "I don't want you to look at me and feel bad about this. You just said it adds to my charm, so there is no problem, right? If anything you've proven your own strength.", Caelan answered already pulling Ronan down again to give him the kiss he desired, his hand buried in the black hair.

    • "More for me, then", Ronan whispered, but he wasn't even making attempts to search for the bottle and digest more of what he'd offered the blonde. Quiet frankly, he knew that the truth was nothing more than something that he himself had to half-heartedly rely one - and this time around, the truth was, what he thought it would be, his own downfall, of all things. "Do you know? Where's your guarantee for that? For all we know, it could happen tomorrow", he joked around. Caelan acted brainless from time to time, but that, of all things, didn't seem like something that he'd just do, at least Ronan doubted it and he wouldn't be so wrong if he claimed that others saw eye to eye with him on that one. In the end, they were young and stupid, but alas, they still had to learn and the fact that neither of them had any time to even account for it, somehow, meant that this was what their future would look like, if they wanted to or not - wasn't it just that? Albeit, wherever they went, the blonde had offered his protection and what spoke against it, especially now that he barely knew what else to do with himself or the things that he had claimed to be? Ronan should be glad that he had someone like his boyfriend, someone that stuck to him like glue and wouldn't let him go again, not like this and not anytime soon. Whatever the world meant to them, maybe their life was nothing without the other and they just were to stubborn to admit that, weren't they? "Who does?" That was, by far, the least useful answer that he could give and he was painfully aware of that. But Ronan wasn't wrong - he never would be, especially now that he focused on his life that felt like it was barely hung by a thread, strung together on it and he was just following it from one point to the other. "In the end, no one knows where to start with themselves and that's fine - we're supposed to figure ourselves out and give each other time to dream, was much as we might despise the thought of it, noone can know everything about themselves in but a split second." Sometimes, he got oddly poetic, all the while trying to reassure Caelan that he was enough, that it was alright to be who he was and that there was no definite need to fear, nor that there was something that caused unrest, or even the feeling of despair in him itself.

      Ronan of Alster had long drifted away from the shore of reality and found himself stuck in a sea of ideas and possibilities - and his ghastly pale corpse haunted those who dared to reach for him, run after him - that was all there was to it, no? What else was Ronan supposed to do and more importantly, why was he out here, all alone to top it off? "And strangely enough, you're the only one I need - despite knowing that I, just sometimes, forget myself." Maybe Caelan was like an anchor, keeping him in place and from drifting away, drifting further out, out of sight and then, he'd eventually disappear, like he wanted to - and that was, who he'd be. Eventually, someone would think about him, his deeds and misdeeds and figure out that the truth was nothing more than half the things he was supposed to do. "I know, but maybe you'll recall what happened to you the last time that you were stubborn enough to look out for someone - if I were you, I wouldn't have been that gentle with someone like me." If only he were Caelan, maybe he'd get rid of all those complexes he had and he'd finally find himself doing the stuff he actually wanted to do - instead he locked himself up inside, drew a bunch of stuff, fantasized about things that would never happen and then, when he finally found his way outside, he desperately tried to end himself. "Some people will think of you as a stupid brute and I'll be happy to give them a piece of my mind and refute their claims - if you can watch out for me in a physical way, I will do the same for you, in a verbal way", Ronan suddenly reassured the blonde. If he was rebelling already, he could tear those apart that thought that Caelan was nothing more than a good for nothing blockhead, no? After all, that's what friends did for each other, no? "I'm not feeling bad, just ... weird, for now. It'll disappear eventually, I'm sure - we'll figure something out, whatever that is and will be. Something, anything, really." But after that, he enjoyed the kiss much more, so much in fact, that he came back for another and slightly bit the blondes bottom lip - what was this going to turn into, even? Well, his hands moved, but not far, just back into blonde hair, before he tugged ever so slightly on a few strands and pulled himself away from Caelan - ever so slightly, his warm breath still hitting the blondes face. "What now?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I doubt a bear is running around this close to your home and I can't exactly go very far, I think your doc wouldn't like that, he didn't even like me standing up.", Caelan responded. All that was out here were probably some birds maybe a cat or a fox and that was it. Animals tended to not come too close to human settlements and the town wasn't far either. On the mountains they could encounter a wild animal, a bear, or maybe a wolf, but usually they just ran away as soon as they heard the horses and the humans sitting on top. Rarely was a merchant attacked and the one time Caelan fought a boar, he had searched for one. Though if the two of them ever were to go hunting, maybe Caelan choked on his words in the end. "I think I'm far less mysterious than you are, I'm pretty straight forward, no secrets, predictable. I there is something to protect I do just that and since I stopped giving a damn about my fathers opinion, I feel like I have my life and myself under control. I used to be very different though. I already learned a lot, I don't know if there is much more.", Caelan answered. He already was past finding to himself, knowing who he was, he was pretty sure that there wasn't much left but in turn Ronan seemed like he still had a lot to figure out before he felt comfortable in his very own skin.

      "I'm here for you. Just don't leave me alone without saying goodbye, that's all I'm asking.", Caelan replied, knowing that Ronan sometimes couldn't stand reality, his life, his father. Caelan couldn't always physically be here for Ronan, but no one stopped him from seeking his help, or simply his company. He'd know the way to Fhaergus soon enough, he'd know where to meet him if he didn't want anyone else to find them and at the very least he'd always be able to write a few words, to get a few words back or have Caelan climb over the mountains to come to Ronans aid. "With someone like you? What's that supposed to mean? Besides, I told you, I didn't hold back, I lost my focus for just a split second, that was enough to cause this, but it is entirely my fault." Caelan paused for a second and grabbed Ronans hand, letting his thumb brush over it. "Someone like you is exactly what I want.", he said, firmly looking into Ronans dark eyes. He didn't want him to be someone else, just the best he could be, without changing who he was. "You'll protect me? That's sweet, but I don't mind, let them talk. As long as you know who I am, nothing else matters." There were not a lot of people whos opinion mattered to Caelan, not anymore at least. There was no way for everyone to like him, even his own father didn't, but it was enough for him to have his friends and Ronan know who he was, although Ronan was the one knowing most. Caelan enjoyed these silent moments, he enjoyed talking to Ronan as much as not talking and instead kissing him softly, with his hand in dark hair, on Ronans in blonde. For some reason this felt incredibly good, a lot of times they had rushed into something, but lying here kissing and doing nothing more was enough actually, more than that. It made Caelan chest feel heavy, but in a good way, his heart was pounding louder too. Ronan was still close after he pulled back and Caelan removed some strands of hair and put them behind Ronans ear. "We could kiss some more. Or we go back inside, I think I had enough time outside, so I won't go mad when I'm locked in again."

    • "I don't think a bear is running around here, to be frank, I doubt that - but you can never know. And knowing you, who knows how long it'll take until you attract some sort of danger that you are going to dive in headfirst?", Ronan suggested. Caelan wasn't stupid, neither of them were, but while they both were out here, what else could happen to them? In the end, there wasn't much to offset the damage they were doing to themselves and their titles, but as for now, he was content with what he had and he accepted that this world, as weird as it was, wasn't going to be his downfall, nor his very end. Yes, sure, he was the one that had to find out about something, that should revise stuff and try to remember it as best as he could, but at the end of the day, he was young and stupid, not fit to rule a country and yet, Caelan was the one that put him on a pedestal and told him that maybe, just maybe, he was more than he took himself for. Ronan wondered if he was right, if it was fine to just accept all of it as it was and then cast it aside almost immediately. Why wouldn't it be fine, now that he had already reassured himself and his boyfriend that it was? "You never stop learning and this might sound pretentious, especially if it comes from me, but ... seventeen is too damn young to know it all." In the end, there had to be something else. "A goodbye is something that I think I could give you", Ronan suddenly laughed, but all of this was sad, horribly so and Caelan and he always drifted back to heavier topics, almost always in the midst of things that instead should speak of comfort and tell them that they were somewhere safe. "I'm not going anywhere for now, that's a promise, so there's no reason to say goodbye." While he usually wasn't one for reaffirmations or the handling of someone elses emotions, he also had to try as hard as he possibly could to understand what was going on and what it was that kept either of them going like this, for as long as it already had.

      "Oh, you know, someone as stupid as me that thought fighting with injured wrists was a good way to prove something to someone like you - I would have used any disadvantages I could have found for my own personal gains and I'm pretty sure you weren't going as hard as you could have", Ronan joked - he would accept this victory, but he wouldn't fight Caelan once more. He'd end up watching at best, but he swore to himself that he needed no one else, no blade that he should wield and spill blood with or any other instrument of war that seemed like something completely normal to all of them. "Am I, now? Despite the plethora of people you could have? I must say, I'm honored." But that wasn't too far off of anything that either of them had heard. Ronan wanted nothing more than to be someone that belonged and for Caelan, his unwavering existence seemed to be enough. Whatever he lacked in the physical department, he seemed to make up to the blonde without much of a fuzz about it - and it was weird, to say the least. None of this made any sense and the single question that he asked himself was, in fact, a simple why, without a plausible answer to it. "I insist. It's the least I can do, really." Not that his voice meant a lot, or that his opinions were held in high regards, but he still was seen as the future Duke of Alster - and that meant that, sooner or later, he was supposed to make choices that could alter so much. However, for now, he didn't need any of that, not when his boyfriend was so close. His eyes rested on pale skin, on the black splotches that this world had to offer him and then, what else was there for him to do? Nothing but their breathing could be heard and while Ronan watched from up here, Caelan seemingly knew what he was doing - a smile crept back onto thin lips. "You're quite needy now that we can kiss a little better, no?" But all of that was thrown out of the window in mere seconds, especially when he reached down to the blonde and locked their lips with one another, for a tad bit longer than he expected, only to roll off of Caelan and land next to him, to look up to the blonde once more, now that their height difference was, seemingly, a bit more apparent. "You make me happy, you know that, right?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "That sounds like there is trouble wherever I'm going. Since you know me I have neither attracted any wild animal, nor any bandits or other danger!", Caelan replied acting outraged by Ronans claims. But if there was any danger, Ronan was right, Caelan would dive in head first without thinking, especially if he had to protect Ronan. Maybe he was not treating him like he should treat a boyfriend, but how would he know how to do that? He knew how to treat a girl, but Ronan was no girl, he was a man himself who wanted to take care of himself. This was confusing and with no one Caelan could look up to or ask, how would he earn such things? "Mhh maybe you're right. But things I don't know about myself, I can't tell you, you keep things from me although you know them.", he pointed out, but as he had stated before. "It's fine though, tell me whenever you're ready." He smiled and once more brushed over silky skin with his hand. He didn't want to drive Ronan away and he didn't want to loose him, but he could anytime, also by Ronans own hands as proven days before when Caelan arrived in Alster. The thought made his chest tight, but there was no use dwelling over it, right? And he didn't want to talk about it in the first place.

      Caelan almost felt caught, looking back he didn't know if he hadn't been able to end the fight much sooner, he definitely had been able to if he had focused on Ronans hurt wrists. Acting like he didn't know about it probably was more trying to not hit him in the wrong way no matter what. "Which makes you once more the stronger one, or at least it makes you smarter than me.", he smiled slightly. Caelan was stubborn, he wanted a fair fight, always, no matter whom he was up against, he'd even treat a bunch of robbers with a certain amount of respect in a fight and at some point maybe this was going to be his downfall for real. "I'm not sure if there are that many, but frankly I don't care, I've got what I want on my lap right now.", Caelan replied, once more being praised way too much. "If you insist, but don't be too harsh, lest someone suspects we're more than just friends." Would it be so bad? If someone found out they had a reason to get out of here and start a new life somewhere else. "I was here for days without being able to kiss you, that was worse than being in Fhaergus without you.", he replied but also already received another kiss. Once more Caelans heartbeat started to pick up pace, again he buried his hand in the dark hair, not wanting to let go of Ronan. A kiss had never before felt this good and he didn't need anything else but Ronans lips. He was a little bit disappointed when Ronan let himself roll to the side, off of him. No kiss anymore, no constant touch. Caelan rolled to the side, supported his head with one hand and looked at Ronan, tightening the blankets around him once more. "Well I very much hope so.", Caelan replied with a short laugh, then he stopped again and looked at Ronan laying next to him. "You make me happy too." Why did he have to roll off though? "Did you have enough kissing for one day?"

    • "Who knows, maybe you just tend to attract trouble and I've been sent to keep you out of it", Ronan suggested, but was he truly right about that? For all he knew, he or Caelan could have just met because of fate, because that was, what they had been supposed to all along and that was something that didn't sound as stupid. In the end, there was no chance to guess what was right, what came from where and why it did - but alas, he could figure that out all by himself, mull over it and then decide why things were the way they were. What he couldn't solve on his own right now, he'd solve later, like he'd always done. There had to be a solution to things like these and frankly, he couldn't figure all of them out all the time, nor could he really summarize what was going on for himself if he wanted to. "That is true, both are, actually - I will be able to tell you eventually, but not now and not today. Some things, unfortunately, take time and courage, despite knowing what the secret is about", he explained to is boyfriend and he knew that he wasn't all that wrong, but Caelan wasn't, either. However, blurting out who he was, why things were as they seemed to be and all of that didn't really make sense to him, not by a long shot. Frankly, Ronan was the one that had a lot of figuring out to do and that was about all there was for both of them - it didn't suffice if he claimed to be someone he wasn't and it also didn't help him to try things that weren't going the way they should be. "Oh, I will - I won't keep all of my secrets to myself."

      "I'm not going to raise my sword against you or anyone anytime soon, so don't worry about it - I'm not stronger just because I'd use the advantages I would, potentially, have. I'm just a bit too bold, lets say it like that." These were nothing but words and as one knew, words weren't there to harm anyone, nor were they able to do any of that. Swords, weapons of war, the art of war itself, all of it was able to hurt, to destroy and to do so much more - no one would hold back because someone was crying about something, that was how this world worked and Ronan, quite frankly, didn't enjoy it all that much. "Oh you do? Sounds like I should crawl right back onto it - well, you can't have me sit on your lap in front of your friends and show me off, that's a downside", but he didn't mind. Ronan didn't want to be paraded around or used as some sort of trophy, even though Caelan wouldn't do that, but then again, showing off would be nice, no? "And what are they going to do about it? Claim something and then think that Darragh is going to let it happen?", Ronan suddenly laughed, almost feeling teardrops swell up in his eyes. "If he's good for something, it's killing of rumors, well, most of them, so don't worry about it too much." There was no need to paint that old man in a somewhat sympathetic light, especially with how things were right now, but he couldn't just let Caelan not know, no? "Seeing you but being unable to touch you because we're in public is gruesome too, you know that, right?" But this was the fate they'd decided on and now they were stuck like this, together, forced to figure out things for themselves - and right about now, Caelans touches and his lips were the best damn thing he'd ever felt, at least his body thought they were. "No, but you look like you want me on you, not next to you ... but here I figured we should go back inside and continue our little kissing session elsewhere, if you want to", he mumbled, but before he could even shoot the blonde a definite glance, he pressed his face against his chest. "Only if you want, though, I'm not cold yet."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.