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"It wasn't your fight and I didn't think I'd survive. You would have get hurt too and I didn't want that...", Richard let out. He regretted his choice, he regretted not simply staying here, for Nayantais sake and his own, maybe for Yujins too. He had tried to push Yujin away, to not let this develop into something more than a fling or distraction, but he failed miserably and he hurt Yujin. Saying goodbye seemed too hard of a task, for both of them and it would have invovled lies too. Richard wou…

"Maybe. It got me back on my feet once, but in the end I made the worst decision in my life and it didn't bring back my siblings..." Well one of them was still alive, but he also gained nothing from Richards stupidity. Worst of all was how he hurt his own father, the one he still had left and he wanted to apologize so badly for so many things and thank him for who he was, even if he'd been so incredibly angry at him too. He looked at Yujin with a pained smile, he still needed to fess up about ev…

Eating was a necessity at this point, nothing more. Richard didn't enjoy it, but he wanted to get stronger, so he did and yet, whenever he got some food now, he wasn't sure if he should eat it, or if Shuren just wanted him out of the way somehow. Now Xu was added to that list as well, according to Quan, if he found out what happened today. "I don't know if being angry all the time solves anything... it made me leave for revenge and it brought my dad and me great suffering...", Richard mumbled. I…

"I'm still not hungry, but I eat more anyway.", he told Yujin with a smile and in his own mother tongue, since Yujin seemed to want to switch. Maybe it just felt more private, at least his fathers didn't understand them, not that they weren't alone in here, but the thought counted for something as well. Still, Yujin acted off. Was it the situation with Yin and the fight with his father that still got him so rattled up? He usually wasn't like this, usually he found excuses for everyone and everyt…

"Maybe I'll get a bite of one of them tomorrow.", Richard smiled, tilting his head slightly. He wished for normalcy so much, for just more moments like this, talking about ones day, about a hunt and dinner or lunch, nothing much. None of it mattered, but it mattered to Richard. He felt warmer with Yujin around, but at the same time he felt like lying to him too now. He should tell him what he did today, not that there was much more information, but maybe this time Yujin would believe it too. He …

For a moment Richard was confused by Yujins answer, then smiled and shook his head. "I meant if you brought something home to eat.", he corrected. Yujin didn't seem like himself, he seemed oddly mature and tired. He wasn't cheerful as he usually was, not overbearing and even though Richard knew he wanted to respect his boundaries, Yujin often times simply failed at that, but now? He seemed distant, which was only fair after they hadn't spoken for a while, but this was a different Yujin. Even if …

Richard missed Yujin, he couldn't deny it. Even in Adrestia, when he threw everything away, he thought about him every night when Nayantai went to sleep and Richard instead looked to the stars for hours. Now was no different and he felt bad and stupid and all sorts of things, but he also knew that he was less selfish than the first time he just left. What he said to Quan wasn't true, he did what he did in Adrestia for himself, because he hoped it would make him feel better, not appease his long …

Richard couldn't avoid the guards, who surely noted that he came back with somewhat of relief. He avoided anyone else successfully and arrived at his room. He let himself down on his bed, holding his chest and breathing heavily. It had been a long walk but not only that, he wasn't sure what he was thinking when he stormed out like that and confronted Quan. It wasn't like he learned much new, but he probably poked a sleeping bear for no reason. And Yujin? He was nonthewiser and Richard could hard…

"All of you just want everything all the time. Sometimes that doesn't work. Sometimes you have to choose between your friends, or between your sons or between your family and the people you care about." If Shuren just let go, if he would let Yujin live his life elsewhere. If they would let him make his own decisions and not force him to obey his brother who had no right to treat him that way, just so they could keep both under the same roof. "Are you dense?", he asked Quan back. "Adrestias king …

"A choice? Everybody has a choice, always. Sitting idly by without trying to do something is as much a choice as springing into action. Muhan lets all of this happen and Shuren does too. Who cares who makes this medicine, they are all complicit, none of them are this stupid when even I, an outsider with a whole heap of own problems, could figure most of this out on my own.", Richard answered. Of course Muhan had a choice, he wasn't a child, he was a grown up man, someone that probably could take…

Quan was all bark and no bite, he acted like he was the strongest of all of Yujins friends, but in reality he was scared of but a single man that didn't even manage to kill his brother himself. He hid away in this hut, was scared to even attempt to live his own life and complained about everything. Richard, right now, wasn't a whole lot better, but he had a much better excuse, scars to show for, plenty of them, more than Quan would ever sport. "The one you don't want to lie to anymore. The one n…

Richard rubbed his arms a bit, trying to warm up. Even though the castle was made of ice and he ventured to other rooms like the library or the hallway, it was even colder outside and he hadn't be prepared to venture out like that without a second thought. No, don't thin about it, if he did maybe he regretted his choices too much and he couldn't have that right now, he couldn't be terrified or worried about how he'd even go back. Why would he be scared if it wasn't death he was afraid of? There …

Richard felt like he was his father, needing breaks whenever they went somewhere, not joining when it got a bit more taxing. He had inherited his own health problems, but nothing as bad and still, now, he hardly was able to keep up with Quan who glanced back over his shoulder every once in a while. He had even less context than Yujin and was probably also less aware of anything that was going on in Adrestia, in his view Richard was here, loud and out to fight and the next moment he was whatever …

Richard rolled his eyes, maybe it was simply that Yujin was too nice to him, never questioning and taking all of his whims, unlike someone like Quan. "I'm speaking of Adrestia.", he explained to him. He hadn't been here for quite some time and then he still didn't leave the icy palace, that's true, but he'd not call it his home, especially not now. Quan didn't know what happened there or why he was back, or why he left in the first place, it was none of his business, maybe as much as whatever ha…

Quan was visibly startled as he turned around, maybe because he didn't hear Richard approach him, or maybe because he thought Xu had come back for more than just a slap, a red mark still prominent witness on his cheek. Quan though quickly was over it, mustering Richard who was well aware that he looked much different. He didn't shrink, but he probably looked smaller and the clothes that fir Yujin well and should have fit Richard well as well, were too big now that he still tried to regain his we…

Richard wasn't doing anything in particular on this day either, he just strolled around a bit, mainly to get his body back into shape, at least a little bit. Not in fighting shape, but he wanted to be able to walk and maybe even run around if he wanted to, for whatever reason. These days he felt more trapped in this stupid castle than ever and waiting for Dayan to answer his letter, or maybe even Nayantai to answer his first he wrote weeks ago, was a fools errand. They would answer, surely, but …

Richard quickly closed the door and ended the conversation on that note. He appreciated Yujin taking hi words at face value. He didn't need to beat himself up over it though and Richard wasn't mad at him, it was just that he needed to be allowed to stay here and he couldn't anger Shuren if he wanted to. Under different circumstances he wouldn't have cared, but like this? He didn't feel like he could do much. The next day Richard wrote a letter to Dayan, it took him almost the whole day trying to…

Richard actually tried to sleep, just be over with the day. For a while he just cuddled with both the cats that still needed a name, he couldn't decide on any, couldn't even think of any. He couldn't even decide if he wanted the names to be Thrian or Adrestian. They didn't mind though and just cuddled with him, purring away. It was hard to sleep at the best of times and now? He felt like he needed to tell Yujin that he could not do this and as much as they maybe loved each other, he couldn't fig…

Yujin wanted to follow after Richard, which wasn't surprising, but Richard didn't intend to wait or get in the middle of this. While Shuren and Yujin started an argument, Richard was already by the door, practically fleeing out of the dining room, before he caught some of that ire that was undoubtedly also directed at him. For just existing. For just being here and not somewhere else. As it was when he arrived here the first time and as it was now, despite Nayantai calling Shuren and Muhan old f…

Ruoxe seemed one of the few honest people around here. Richard had to notice more and more that Thria wasn't much easier and friendlier than Adrestia was. He expected more from Muhan, if he was completely honest and he wanted to trust Shuren, because he had to trust someone out here. This was a mess, but if Yujins sister was telling the truth, it meant that Yujin likely forgot Yin existed when Richard arrived back here. He didn't lie then and if Richard was any more of his old self, maybe he wou…