eat your young (earinor & marquis)

Roy was an original so to speak, nobody was quite like him. To Louis he always seemed loud moved and rude, but apparently he had some people doing what he wanted, maybe even Blair. Louis couldn't change any of that, but he was pretty sure that Roy wasn't the person they feared the most and for the... humans... he wouldn't dare touch them. The ringmaster was very protective over them. Louis somewhat knew a lot about him, but at the same time not nearly enough. He spent a lot of time in his vicinity, completing his tasks, most of them unspoken. "Don't be reckless Blair... it might not be you getting hurt." Louis knew that too well. If the ringmaster wanted to make a point, he made it loud, clear and with whatever hit the most. Blair might not be scared about himself, but he might fear of losing someone or something else, or there were other ways to hurt them. Whether or not he could get Conny to work again remained to be seen. Josiah was maybe better suited for the task, if he wanted to talk to Louis. He purposefully avoided him and now he seemed upset he saw him with anyone else but him, even though all of this was just a coincidence. Louis wasn't even sure if Josiah would listen to him and understand the urgency. So many things had happened the past couple days. "I don't know... I'm not even sure how any of this works." The ringmaster very clearly didn't shove Leila off himself. Maybe he could just will accidents to happen, or maybe it wasn't even something conscious. He was capable of thinking things through, but Louis had the feeling that some things just happened, like they were a natures law of some sort. He couldn't explain why he thought that. Blair didn't have any more answers for him and now wasn't the time to discuss these things anyway. Louis eventually left.

After he'd gotten some food and forced it down, he made a round around the premise to check on all the tasks and if they were actually completed or worked on. He just wanted to be thorough was all. Mara eventually spotted him and pinned him down for a bit, sending him back to his trailer. She could be relentless and Louis was still too tired to argue too much, so he followed and lay down a few more hours. In the evening he got up again, getting ready for the show anyway. He was sure that he'd want to do it anyway. The inevitable happened in the blink of an eye and Louis felt somewhat dull, but not unable to do the show. Maybe he was a bit less energetic and a bit grumpy, but nothing too bad and nothing Louis later regretted. Blair eventually turned up asking about that plan of their and Louis told him that that wouldn't be necessary. As he looked at him for a bit too long he smiled and eventually leaned forward to place his finger under his chin, forcing him to return the gaze. "Aren't you cute taking care of me?", Louis said in a tone that was almost akin to the purr of a cat, but if one was going with that analogy, he was looking at Blair more like he was his prey, or rather a mouse he could play with, but then let go anyway. Louis tilted his head and looked a bit less jovial. "Warning or not, you better not fuck with me though, understood? Roy can be scary, but so can I." A soft pat on Blairs shoulder followed, then another smile, this time charming and almost friendly, before Louis walked off to do his job for the night.

Picking up Louis from his trailer hadn't been on his list of tasks. If no one did it, though, he might not turn up or oversleep, even if Blair doubted it, and yet, the nagging feeling wouldn't leave him until he actually made his way to the entrance of the tent, only to be surprised by the face he'd been looking for just ever so slightly beyond it. "There you are.", he mouthed, breathing a sigh of relief - for a moment, he had discredited him, it seemed, and lumped him in with the likes of Roy and his slacking attitude again. Louis was nothing if not dutybound and that was also one of the things that resonated with him at times, knowing that he'd be nothing without the circus and all its opportunities himself. Was he worried? Blair couldn't pinpoint it, not with his heart beating in anticipation and his cold skin feeling flushed and warm, as if he were about to catch a fever - his entire body stiffened up when Louis reached out with his hand and the taller one, Blair in this case, knitted his brow together, and shying away from the initial gaze, which was being driven into him like a stake into a vampires heart. Normally, he'd expect a beating, not that Roy was like this, but it felt akin to it - but this was Louis, he reminded himself, taking a deep breath, only to tense up once more when he was forced to stare him down. A fist to the face would, maybe, be the right thing to call for, and yet, it wasn't even close.

"C-cute?", he stammered in confusion, convinced his ears were playing faint tricks on him - usually these situations escalated in a different direction; words were useless to demons, at times at the very least, and Blair knew what Louis had done to Roy just days ago, why wouldn't he do the same thing to him, then? "I'm aware.", the answer slipped past his lips faster than he could think about proper etiquette - this situation confused him, more than it should, and all the tension only subsided when Louis finally left him be. Why, on the gods green earth, was that so scary to him? If anything, this was nothing at all, something he had no comparison for. Blair brushed it all off with a deep sigh, only to follow after Louis anyway, so was busy with getting himself ready, and ushering others to do the same - the stitches held, which was a good sign, and the other half of what this guy was sounded pleased with himself as well, which benefitted the situation, thankfully. Whenever or wherever had he learned to be this tenacious? Blair could only wonder. Regardless, there were other things to do, he was taking up space and just standing in the middle of the tent - right, where to with him? His act, if one could call it that, wouldn't really be of note until after the show, so he could focus on finishing Arthur's costume, then; not that he needed it tonight to begin with, not yet, anyway. With that in mind, he settled down on a chair by the table somewhere and was about to go back to sewing when he realized something taxing. Roy was still missing - Louis likely had taken note of it already, and if not, there was enough time to tell him after the fact.

No sign of Roy, huh? Louis could hardly leave, not during the show. He had time between acts sometimes, but they weren't all too long and he often had hiw on little intermediate sections, entertaining the guests while things were shifted around for the next act. Louis didn't have much time to be brash after the show either, he'd change back and would lose all his confidence in confronting Roy. This little game Roy played annoyed Louis greatly. There was no point in snitching, the ringmaster was well aware, Lous was sure of that, he just didn't want to be involved. What a petty man. What could he be up to? Blair told him to lock his own trailer, but there wasn't really anything in there, unless Roy wanted to start a fire or something in there. Even then, it would destroy Louis things, but that was about it. A tad bit annoyed he spotted Blair, who seemed lost. Wasn't he always like that? All by himself and with no place to go, no task to do? He was very silent, usually he didn't talk as much as today.

Louis approached him and the fabric he held in hand. "Blair.", he said with authority to grab his attention. Once he looked up as if he forgot for a second that that was his name, Louis started speaking. "Why don't you go be a good boy and check on whatever it is Roy is doing? If you want to prove to me that I can trust you, that would be a good way. Don't let him see you." Blair was good at being invisible to everyone anyway. It wasn't that Louis was overly worried, but Blair did his part in making him a ittle paranoid, or at the very least curious. He couldn't leave, but Blair very well could. He himself had a show to oversee and partly do. Josiah wasn't around either. He had no act, so he didn't need to be, but he was more elusive than usual. He always stayed away from Louis during the show, but usually he at least hung around close by. Well whatever, Louis didn't worry too much about him at the moment, even though he wondered if Roy was up to something regarding him instead. His other self would certainly be upset. For now however Louis went back to work.

With himself occupied, Blair thought that this was it for tonight - Roy wouldn't show up on purpose, get up to some shenanigans that both him and Louis missed and that was that. In the end, it would've been a good run of fostering understanding, or at least an attempt of it, and Blair already imagined his life back at where it had started out; somewhat dull in Roy's maw, where he'd exert pressure on him until he'd break apart under the weight again, and then again, and eventually, he'd reach out to someone like Louis once more because he tired of having his bones crushed over and over and over again. As he abaited his time by entangling himself in thoughts of such grotesque nature, his name rang out to him, was called in a now well-acquainted voice, and yet, at first, it couldn't pierce the mental blockage his thoughts were placing on him as his fingers worked away at the fabric in his lap tirelessly, sewing one thing into the other without giving it much of a second thought. Finally, after one stitch was placed over the other, he looked up and blinked like a frog would; he surely wasn't all there when Louis' voice reached his mind, cast aside in a nirvana of unknown proportions. "Mh, yes?", he finally spoke up, locking his eyes with Louis and, as soon as he did, almost shying away from it again. Rats, that gaze was too intense for this mans own good. "Hah?", the confusing oozed out of him like a rag that was being twisted and bent, in an attempt to squeeze out the last bits of water. "I- I assume I could. And I won't.", he rationalized the order and put his work aside, dusting off his lap as he stood up and then took his leave, giving Louis a last, knowing look.

Whatever little amount of time they had, Blair wanted to use it to satisfy his own curiousity and satiated Louis' worry, or whatever it was that ailed the brunette right about now - for all he knew, maybe it was just an attempt to get him of his case and, if that were it, he would have to congratulate Louis on having played his cards well. However, it seemed genuine, even if the praise and wording seemed to be specifically aimed at him to illicit a positive reaction - Blair didn't mind, even if it didn't necessarily work on him - he was talentless, not useless and his confidence, despite being somewhere in the lower half of the arbitrary range, wasn't as shot as some other peoples could be. Still, he wanted to make things right, maybe even impress the strange man and for that, he needed to lay low and plan his next move. First, he checked in on the other half of the troupe's trailers, suspecting that Roy would use the opportunity to pick a lock, or stalk about the unfamiliar premises, but no. The little town, made entirely of their belongings and presences, was empty and void of life, except for the lone light flickering in both Josiah's and Conny's trailer - which meant Roy wasn't here, or anywhere, even when he tried the doors of the unoccupied ones, it was surprisingly empty, which wasn't anything new for a regular show night. Investigating further, he came back to his own side of the circus and troupe, spotting few faces outside the tents and trailers and disregarding them. Did he simply miss Roy? Blair wasn't certain, though, the light that flickered in that trailer gave him a good idea on his whereabouts. For now, he passed by it, expecting to be met with stony silence or something of the sort, the light simply having been a ploy and illusion, only to be proven wrong by continous shouting from within the confines of it. Right about now, he couldn't make out much, but even as he crept closer and eventually pressed his ear to the wood the trailer was made out of, the kindling cinders of a blazing argument were unfurling to him, ever so slowly. The voices were dulled, yet one clearly sounded like Roy, while the other was that of a woman Blair could not pinpoint - their argument, it's topic, seemed to be lost on him, no matter how much he listened, eventually forcing him to give up and retreat back to the big tent, knowing he'd neither been seen nor noticed. As he passed Louis, he closed his eyes for a smile and started whispering. "Someone is arguing with him in his trailer, I don't think he's up to anything tonight in particular. I checked your side of the trailers, everything is in order."

Louis stood behind the curtains as always, watching the show unfold as long as he didn't have anything else to do until Blair came back from his task. Well, they didn't know what Roy did beore all that, but someone was arguing with him? There weren't many people who would and who weren't here either. "And you didn't see who.", he concluded, it wasn't even a question. His best guess was Ruth. They were always together, but they didn't always agree and she was probably the only one to give him a piece of her mind like that. Lucy wasn't here, but it wasn't her, nor would it ever be Josiah, he wouldn't be found 10 miles from him if he could help it. Alice was curiously not here either, not that he had a big interest in the show, but she was usually very relaxed and liked to not hurry, so she came here early to get ready, taking care of her face more than anyone else and she didn't hurry getting out of her costume and make up either, even when everything around her was chaotic. She and arguing though? Hardly. Her telling Louis about what he was doing when he tried to protect Luke was strange enough and he still couldn't decide if shhe played with him or not. That weird hug just when Josiah turned the corner had been odd too, but Josiah seemed to have thought nothing of it either way. Louis at other times of the day, just felt bad for pushing her as hard as he did.

Louis sighed audibly and with crossed arms. "Fine.", he nodded at Blair, only gifting him a short glance. He seemed awfully happy to have gotten a mission like that, or be noticed at all. He was like a puppy and equally forced him to be the grown up and pull himself together around him, just like Josiah. Now there was no need, but the other times. Louis also didn't forget the fact that Blair talked about not letting him out and supressing him somehow, especially when it meant extending the limited time he got. "Say Blair, what is it that you really want?", he asked him with his eyes still fixed on the performance. He might claim it was some form of revenge on Roy, or to be free of the ringmasters clutches, for both he'd use Louis and his vulnerable position. The Louis right now hated this vulnerability of his and he hated people using him even more, which was why he managed to break free for just long enough to cut Roys thoat. They shared their emotions and if they were strong enough, even shining through other Louis who tried to be nice and composed at all times, he had a grasp. He didn't necessarily try to get full control, again, he shared his feelings, or rather their feelings were one and the same, since they were still the same person, not two people trapped in one body and all of him knew that too. It was just the fact that Louis took so much abuse from every direction, sometimes it got too much and even he wanted it to stop. Then Louis stepped in to defend him, it was that easy. The need to hold on to his childish self seemed gone, or maybe something else losened his grip on his humanity, either way, he changed and he wasn't going to let himself be toyed with that easily anymore.

Blair had returned in one piece, neither happy nor sad about his miniscule findings, but then again, Louis hadn't specificed anything - sure, he was capable of thinking for himself, and yet, when he was quizzed on the identity of the stranger that had been arguing with Roy, all he could muster was an innocent, somewhat idiotic smile. "I heard her voice. It was likely Ruth, but there's a chance it wasn't. The wood muffled it, somewhat." The male voice had belonged to Roy, there were no two ways about it, that much was for certain at the very least - where else would Roy be, if not in his trailer, if even Blair, who had a penchant for finding the ones that didn't want to be sought out, couldn't spot him elsewhere? If he hadn't looked hard enough, maybe he'd have reasoned this man, too, was a mere decoy mean to throw both him and Louis off as best it could, while the real deal tiptoed around elsewhere, but ... Blair felt like he had done everything right, if he were to be frank, which he allowed himself to be, if only this once; normally, his lack of confidence would hold him back. "I can go back and try and get a look, if that would appease you. But I can't promise that he won't spot me." And if it wasn't Ruth, it was Alice, which spelled more trouble than it was worth for him. Should he try? Blair feared the consequences of his labor more than he'd enjoy the ripe fruit, if it would ever blossom, that was.

As of right now, it seemed he had disappointed this man with his own shortcomings - he could not blame his fellow performer, his fellow lost soul, for the cold shell that he hid himself behind, though, he wanted to inch closer, take a look at what was squirming beneath the hard exterior and see for himself just how capable this Louis was. Whether it was admiration or obsession, Blair knew himself to be inquisitive and destructive, knowing that, if Louis would let him, he'd pry him apart like a clam, searching for a pearl or things like it amongst the rubble of a broken and torn body. As Louis watched the show, the limelight of the candles was reflected on his skin, giving it a pale, yet warm glow that bounced right off of him - Blair thought of him as a painting, his likeness captured without his consent as his mind was occupied with things much more important than this, and yet, he'd seen him, too - him who hid in the shadows behind the curtain and enjoyed the darkness, for as long as it would lend itself to him. "What I really want? Nobody has ever asked me that." It wasn't like that - he didn't really want anything, not someone's friendship, or hatred, or a way out of his situation. What he really wanted was ... well, what was it? It was stuck at the back of his throat, beckoned to come about, yet failed to move - a nervous giggle rippled through the silence, followed by a sigh. "I don't know.", he confessed eventually, tilting his head back and looking up into the dark fabric of the tent. "I don't need or want to be like you, I admire you, but that just isn't me. To approach you for nothing but your protection isn't it, either.", he whispered, sorting through his thoughts. "Maybe it's you that I want.", Blair babbled, without really thinking much about his own sentence, the irony lost on him even after the sentence awkwardly stayed where it was.

Ruth then, it made sense, even though Blair probably just picked the obvious choice as well. It wasn't too unlike for them to argue, especially if Roy did something dumb, which led Louis to believe that he already did something, whatever it was, and when he told her she got upset. Maybe he'd try to fix it , or be as stubborn as he was with everything else. Louis trailer was locked, but if he himself could pick all of them, so could Roy. He should have made it more obvious if someone entered or not, by clipping some paper in the door or something, but for all he knew, Roy wasn't after him. Louis was often enough too tired and guilt stricken to think clearly about things, but he wasn't right now and some things seemed more obvious with his mind clear. "No it's fine.", he answered. How much should he divulge anyway? He couldn't trust Blair or any of the information he gave him anyhow, his apparence in his life was too sudden to be trusted and too weird of a coincidence.

"Have you seen Josiah?", Louis asked next, not that he sent him to look for him as well, or keep his eyes open. Roy told him something about the lines of just doing the same to Louis wouldn't fly. There was in fact nothing he could do to him, but everyone kin of knew that Josiah was still dear to him, despite his attempts to push him away and Leilas death affected him greatly too. He had to be after him, that was the obvious revenge plan, but it didn't make Louis know any more about what he was going to do. Trusting Blair with anything to do with this when he didn't fully trust him seemed contradicting as well, but Louis couldn't leave. He'd remember in a few hours still and maybe do something about it. Now Blair got a glance again. "Admire me? You mean me don't you?" Because he stood up to Roy. "You know I heard what you said about supressing me." It wasn't a threat, he didn't care enough about what Blair was spouting for now.

Was he wrong for defaulting to one of them? Blair didn't think himself to be at fault, knowing that he was simply following the guiding hand that led him around the circus in one swift move, but he knew that if he could've brought more, he was sure that Louis' would have appreciated more. Who was at fault, really? While he despaired over the thought, much more than he wanted to, he felt as if the colors of the show, and the candleshine that wrapped around Louis like a blanket were a sign - if down here, in a nest filled with hungry demons and stuffed to the brim with damned souls, something like an angel existed, then it had to be to the likes of this man, leathery wings and missing horns or not, that much was for certain. "Alright." Second guessing himself and his decisions would only hurt both of them, something that Blair had learned from the worst of teachers in this troupe, and besides, to stoop as low as the ace of hearts in Louis' ever shuffling, yet constant deck was not something that he'd enjoy, let alone want to pursue. For the time being, he was fine with being nothing else but a discardable trump card, a rook in a game of pawns, something the likes of an easy way out, though, Blair hadn't figured his own capabilities out himself in that regard.

"He's in his trailer.", he answered, matter-of-factly, not thinking of the other man as anything really worth his while - he was annoying like most of them, perhaps a detriment to Louis' existence, and yet, Blair could see why they were so close and wouldn't be able to let go of one another, ever. Was it a blessing or a curse that Josiah chained himself to Louis? Who knew. "If Lucy isn't here she's with him, so he's likely fine, which is good, too." The two of them still would be no match for Roy, if he were to look for a head-on confrontation, which Blair doubted and hoped that the buffoon wouldn't seek out - Ruth would talk him out of it, hopefully. When Louis spared him a glance, his gaze wandered on those eyes that lay on him and Blair wondered how and why they were searching for something tangible in this world in the first place. "Both of you. There's no you without the other you.", a chuckle, then nothing more as the amusement seemed to fade away soon enough. Amused or not, he still blinked back at Louis, his gaze wondrous as if he were to try to pick the shimmer and glimmer off of the paint on his face soon enough. "I figured - I mean no harm, but I am drawing a blank on what you are. You are Louis, and the other you is Louis, too - but one of you doesn't quite, well, belong. That doesn't mean I dislike you, I know that you just care for him, don't you?"

Josiah was often enough short sighted, rude and self centered, which lead to only more headaches for Louis. Still, he couldn't let go of him, he was his best friend after all and they grew up like brothers, doing everything together. Louis remembered those times and now he also remembered that he played with Blair before Josiah came to join them here, but then kind of ignored him. Interestingly enough he grew older, even though he died, he wasn't stuck in a childs body but Louis wasn't either. He was different though and Blair actually didn't have a body at all. Louis could see his shadowy figure, small and hunched down at times. If he was like Roy, maybe he had a reason to carry a grudge, because Louis abandoned him all this time, not even remembering or realizing that Blair died without anyone noticing. It didn't make him trust Blair more, not in the slightest. All this talk about how he might not have fully changed yet, could have been bullshit to lure Louis into a sense of security.

"Good? I don't think you like him." It was quite obvious that Blair hated Josiahs guts, even though Louis didn't exactly know why. Jealousy most likely, maybe even since all of their childhood. Josiah and Lucy spent a lot of time together lately, good for them, but she wouldn't be able to help him against Roy. Louis again laid his gaze upon Blair. What he said was true, but for some reason came across like an attempt to gain Louis' favor. "I care for myself." Which was to say that included his whole being. All the self hatred Louis felt wasn't enough to make him try and snuff out his lights, just sometimes he needed more reign, for example to deal with this Roy situation. The situation was his fault, but he didn't regret it, regret was saved for different times of the day. Louis wondered if there was a way to get rid of Roy for good. Even if he couldn't die, he could be burried alive, unable to get out. The ringmaster would... not approve, but Louis did so much for him, it felt like he should have a free ticket out of problems. He had at least a few minutes, last time he used them to drag Roy away. He'd need to dig a hole first and that would probably not go unnoticed... What if he just cut off his head? Blair probably didn't have any answers to these questions either and Louis turned his attention back to the act, which ended right now. Time for him to get out there again.

Blair snorted - he wasn't being caught redhanded, but simply surprised to have the obvious pointed out to him. "Good thing that what you think isn't what is fact. Don't worry, I'm indifferent to him, really - I just think he is too clingy, and at times, that gets in the way." Who was to say that the two of them couldn't play and have fun together anymore? Of course there was talks of jealousy, of realizing that perhaps, Blair was simply trying to worm his way back into Louis life and serve him Roys revenge on a silver platter in the shape of Josiah's head, but then again, all of that was speculation - he would never go that far, and frankly, he didn't care enough for Jo to even consider harming him. This guy was a nuisance, alright - and nothing else, or much more than that. "I see." Getting delusional, then. There were few things in life that Blair would denounce outright, and one of them was the thing that called itself Louis right now and acted like it had the best things for the youngin in mind, when in turn, he only wanted that body for himself and would, eventually, have to come to terms with the fact that why, he wasn't going to be himself, as he called it, forever, oh no. Likely, they'd mix, like a fucked up concoction and then, when they were one and the same in all earnesty, Louis would understand.

A wave and echo of laughter and clapping drummed against his ears and soon enough, Louis was gone, whisked away onto the stage - Blair wistfully watched, pondering their conversation for a little while longer. What was there for him to earn if he went against Louis, all of him, or just half of him? Perhaps he'd gain understanding, only to lose out on other things that he could have fostered in its stead, but was he as willing to bend himself backwards to do that? He didn't know and instead went about his way, checking in on stuff that needed checking while Louis soaked up the grandeur around him, as he was meant to be - if even a literal hole in his head and a probably concussion didn't hold him back, then the laughter and applause was truly meant for him and no one else this side of the troupe. Why was it that Louis cared so much about whether he got along with Josiah or not, though? That guy barely mattered, but Blair felt like him getting close would only spell out an easy way in for Roy - he wouldn't be able to refuse him if he did, and yet, maybe Louis would fix it all for him if he only earnestly asked and offered him something he could use in turn, making their relationship transactional, which wasn't something Blair necessarily would vouch for.

There was nothing more Louis could ask of Blair right now, not when he didn't trust him. Sending him to keep an eye on Josiah seemed unreliable at best. Instead he stood on stage and entertained, as he could do best it seemed, both sides of this same coin. The applause was for all of them, for their livelihood, their survival, but it was also for Louis himself. He worked hard on this, since he was a child and he realized that his were valuable skills as well. The show went well, even without Roy whom Louis should reprimand, but he knew that if he went there after the show, he couldn't be sure who made it to the end of that conversation. If it was his other self, it would end badly. This was why Louis did what he always did, stalk about the premise with the customers still around, talking to some of them, friendly and charming, maybe even coaxing them into seeing the show again, or buying a souvenir. He stood at the gates watching the last person leave with a wave and a smile and then shut the gate behind them.

As always this was it and Louis was back. His legs gave in, exhausted from the day that had been too much of him. Even if he didn't feel it then, his body was the same and now he paid the price. His head pounded and he felt sick. It took him a few minutes to get back up on his feet, dragging himself up on the gates grating. He breathed in and out for a while. Usually he'd wash himself now, change his clothes and then eat something, but he wasn't sure if he was up for the task. He wondered if Josiah even wanted to talk to him and if he's show up by his trailer, or if he should simply visit him and maybe warn him as well. He was right about Roy, if he wanted to hurt Louis, he probably went after Josiah and he'd been through enough already. Yes, he should do that. For now he made his way to change his clothes at least. There were already dirty from him falling down and it would be a pai to get the mud out. He didn't bother much about his face, he simply wiped it with a wet cloth, not very thoroughly and then left it at that. Josiahs trailer was next and he knocked when he arrived.

Not being able to perform was perhaps one of the worst things that could happen to him, outside the usual bad things that happened to him. Josiah was, no matter how he’d look at it, a pessimist at heart - it had him argue with Louis it times, it made him argue with Lucy at times, and yet, right now, the atmosphere in his trailer was almost serene, all throughout the entire nights show, even when Lucy left for a while for her part of the act, Jo found himself pouring over his books and relaxing like he’d not been in a while. To blame the incense Lucy brought here would feel wrong, and yet, at the same time, Jo felt like there was nothing to, per se, blame - it was nice to have his thoughts to himself, to be cooped up in here and a little selfish and he’d not trade it for anything, not tonight. His lamp was dimming by the time the show was over and his eyelids heavy, his back was hunched and his concoction about as good as done, at least on paper, which meant it would be finalized next summer, when he’d pick it back up by chance - it would be the perfect season for that.

As he was shelving the little book with notes in it, there was a knock on his trailer door - Josiah had expected to see Lucy back, figuring that all the hustle and bustle, tonight’s racket, was long over. Almost gleefully, he anticipated her, and yet, the door didn’t open, which was likely another sign that this wasn’t her after all. “Coming!”, Jo told the unknown visitor, the disappointment somewhat apparent in his deflated-sounding voice as he inched over, pried his own door open just a crack and spotted Louis as the culprit behind the crime of arriving at the perfect time. “Oh, I didn’t expect you. Want to come in?” With a smile, he opened the door just a tad bit wider and took a step back, allowing fresh air to blow inside and parts of the incenses’ aroma to escape, which would be for the best if he wanted to get a good nights sleep. Still, did that mean Lucy had to deal with the children tonight? Likely, especially after they kept pawning off their “nightshifts” to both James and Mara, partially even others, who weren’t quite impressed by their decision to fuck everyone over even more - Jo felt bad about it, thinking that maybe Louis was here to tell him to take things seriously again, but who knew? Just now, he wasn’t anxious about having him in his vicinity like this, knowing that comparing himself to Lou would only ruin the rest of his night. “I can get you some tea if you’d like? Also, I bet you’re tired, how does your head feel?”

Josiah didn't sound all too pleased from inside of his trailer, but when he opened the door, he looked positively surprised to see Louis there. Did he want to come in? The talk he had with Blair during the show... it made things a lot clearer for himself. He wouldn't hurt Josiah, he had no interest in that at all, even during the show he thought about how to protect Josiah. That's why he nodded after some consideration, slowly climbing the steps of Josiahs trailer, and wiping off the mud on his shoes by the edge before entering. He closed the door behind him and looked about the room. It seemed Josiah had worked on something, but had cleaned up just before. The ever so present smell of chemicals mixed with something else, that was new. "No, no, don't bother.", he denied the tea, but without being permitted or asking, he just sat down on the nearest chair. The tight space in these trailers made it easier to sit anyway, but Louis head just hurt too much to keep standing up. Josiah would forgive him.

"I am... and it's gotten worse to be honest." For once he wanted to be and looked up at Josiah. "I just wanted to talk to you, you seemed upset when we last talked. I'm sorry, I just wanted the day over with." Blair helped and Josiah didn't, there was no choosing between them even though Louis felt like they both wanted him to. "And there's... something else... I'm not sure if I'll be able to talk about it." He was surprised he got that much out when he looked at his hands. How to phrase this? "You know about the fight I had with Roy?" It wasn't a fight like that, actually it was no fight at all, it was an attack, but he couldn't say that, this however worked. "He's still mad at me, didn't show up for the show either. He wants to pay me back and I think... well... I thin he might want to do that by coming after you." Well, that was easier than expected? It wasn't the whole truth about the Roy situation, but it was exactly what needed to be said. Louis was confused. Was it his other self that let him? No, Blair couldn't speak freely either, it had to be the ringmaster, so maybe... he simply didn't protect Roys secrets as he did his own? Maybe he didn't even know about it. "Just be careful, okay? Lock your trailer when you leave it. I'll... think of something to fix this... I'm sorry."

What had he expected? Jo wished he knew - with Louis here, he couldn't even say that he was displeased, no, it defintiely was the opposite of that, even if he had expected someone like Lucy, or an entirely different person. What was up anyway? Louis came in, at the very least, which told Josiah he wouldn't bolt immediately and sat down, too, which pleased the contortionist all the same. Had he missed him? No, Louis was too stoic for that, but Jo had yearned for him, perhaps a little ways too much, not that he would ever admit to it, even when it smelled so sweet in here, he wondered if all of that got to his head and his only, or if Louis would, eventually, be affected by such things as well, whatever these things were. All Jo knew was, was that he felt somewhat docile and sweet, and that wherever that came from, the incense Lucy had brought by a few days ago had to play a part in it, but further than that? No. "It's not a bother at all, but if you'd rather not, that's fine.", he answered with a smile, grabbing the chair opposite of Louis to get a better look at him - he looked somewhat distraught, that much was obvious. But what else was it that felt so distracting that he could no longer put his finger onto? What a weird question.

"You should rest, and I know you don't want to hear that from me, Lou, but you really do need it." Josiah was the same, he couldn't afford a day of rest in his own mind, even when his body practically begged him for such things - he was convinced he'd be missing out on something, whatever that was, every single time that he could no longer attend a show, and yet, right now? Jo, weirdly enough, didn't care too much. Was it Lucy? "All good, I'm no longer upset and you know how I can be." Self-reflection, from him? When it came to Louis, no less? What an odd thing, but regardless of that, he was just happy to see Louis. "Something else?" He cocked an eyebrow, leaned over the table as if there were a secret about to be spilled, even if he doubted it - Louis was one of the most secretive people that he knew, surely, now wasn't the time for him to share any sort of secrets with him. "Huh? Yeah, that wasn't hard to miss, everyone was talking about it." It spread like a wildfire, like an evil seed planted in their midst that grew roots and shifted everyones opinion of Louis once more - their group grew divisive, more and more, with each passing day, contemplating the weirdest of things at times. "Me?" When Jo heard that, he couldn't help but look at Louis, dumbfouned, like he'd struck him in the face with a frying pan first things first, only to then tell him that wasn't even the main act. "I mean ... it's okay. Don't sweat it. I doubt Roy would go as far as to seriously injure me, you know? Besides, I'm sure the ringmaster would have something against that.", he tried to reason, which, again, seemed odd - he gave Lou a smile, a sincere one, steeped in kindness. "Don't worry that much, I'm sure if you and Roy talk it out, it'll be no problem at all. I know, I don't like him either, and he hit me over the head once, but ... you know, I think maybe you should rest. It's getting to your head." No flabberghasted expression, no panic, but he knew that Louis wouldn't lie, either. "I'll lock my trailer, still. Thanks for telling me, okay?"

Louis didn't want Josiah to leave, he rather had him stay right here where he was save. "No, I know... I did rest a bit today at least." For as long as he could muster anyway, then he was too worried something was going wrong and had to check himself. Still he tried, but he couldn't sit out the show. Now his head felt like it was about to explode, but that wasn't too abnormal he thought, since it's been about a day now that it happened and his body just felt the full brunt of it right now. "I'll rest, I just wanted to talk to you first." He didn't plan on staying here for too long, just for long enough to convince Josiah to be carefuly, which could take a while in his experience. "Mhm, okay good.", he replied when Josiah assured him he wasn't upset anymore, just in the moment. Him and Blair seemed like oil and water and Louis didn't quite understand why. He felt like they easily could be friends, but instead they stared daggers into eachother for no apparent reason.

Of course everybody heard about Roy, even though there was nothing to show for it. Once more news spread and Louis had no idea why or who'd benefit from it. Definitely not Roy, or Louis himsef. This was about Josiah though, who of course didn't take Louis all too serious. "He's impulsive, he might do something he only regrets after..." The ringmaster woud not tolerate anything too out of the ordinary and Louis never saw him endorse any killing or injury to a human, but ouis couldn't be sure if he cared. It would only be another body ending up with him, maybe he'd appreciate it. "I doubt we'll be able to 'talk it out'." Roy was pissed and Louis couldn't even be mad about it, he was the one who fucked up first, he even got reprimanded by the ringmaster, though he didn't seem to mind that much. Louis was also the one who asked Roy for help with Josiah, what an idiot he was, but he rather omitted this fact now. "It's not caused by me hitting my head. Just be careful, please. No wandering about in the dark either, please?" He couldn't do much more than lock the trailer and not walk around alone at night. Louis didn't know what Roy had in mind in the first place. Josiah was probably not taking this serious enough, but Louis knew he couldn't convince him of more than that. To him Roy was still a normal guy, albeit a bit odd and agressive sometimes. Louis got up to leave. "I hope you feel better soon by the way..." Josiah was still hurt after all and Louis hadn't said anything about it. It was better he left now though.

Louis showing up was a mystifying situation all in itself - Josiah knew him, much better than he knew himself at times, and he was aware that this occurrence seemed rare, for multiple reasons. “That’s good, but you should rest more. You can’t just say: ‘Jo, you are on bedrest, but me? I won’t do it!’, that’s like saying ‘Rules for thee but not for me’.”, he reprimanded his best friend sternly. Nobody would benefit from Louis staying injured for long, hell, even Lou himself would likely grow to dislike it before long and Jo? He’d blame himself more than he already did for not being a better shoe-in for this man than he could be. “I’m flattered, really, but you do look a bit pale. I think this could’ve waited, it’s not like I’m in immediate danger.”, Josiah kept waxing on, aware that this ought to be inappropriate and condescending in parts. Why give the brunette the soft treatment now, though? No matter how many times he went through the scenario in his head again, the longer Louis was on his feet, the longer he would be in pain after the fact, even if he wanted to pull through, he was no longer unscathed, not even in the slightest. As time went on, he’d perhaps come to regret it, too, which was definitely avoidable.

Sweet scent wafted through the warm air in here, partially negated by the fresh one flowing in through the window that the blonde had opened for a reason, after all, but it hardly helped him. The longer he looked at Louis, the more he worried, the rosier his cheeks wound up being and the warmer his face became, the more he figured something was off - not that Jo could place his fingers on what it was, of course not. Shaking the thought off, he popped back into reality, hearing about the many things on Lou’s mind about Roy and how silly those were. “He’d not … I don’t know. I get what you mean, but come on, the worst he could do would be to knock me out again or break something, right?” Even that had consequences, but the tone in Louis’ voice was suggesting something far more sinister than just something temporary. Why be like that? Besides, Roy had not sounded like he was out for anyone but Louis either, which meant that something was off to begin with - well, with Roy, that was. “For seeming so jovial all the time he sure is an asshole.” Wasn’t Roy the one that acted like he had a soft spot for all of them a few years back? What a freak this guy could be, then - Jo wanted to believe in the best in people but the longer Lou went on, the less of a desire he had for that. Sighing and groaning, he finally relented. “Alright, alright. I’ll trust you on this, but you keep yourself safe too, you hear me? I don’t want him to hurt you, either.”, Josiah demanded, overbearing yet again - he had his reasons, even now. “Thank you … you too. It’s already late, get a good nights rest and sleep well, okay?” With that, he brought Louis to the door, which wasn’t far, and opened it for him - today wasn’t the nicest of nights from the looks of the sky, but certainly not the worst. “Thank you for coming by, I really do appreciate that. Good night, Louis.”

Josiah always worried more about others than himself, yet it was wasted on Louis, whatever happened to him hardly seemed to matter when he already died, or not? Whatever it was that happened to him and whatever reason the ringmaster had to keep him and not others. "I will. I just needed to talk to you.", Louis replied. Josiah wasn't listening as always, Roy already assaulted him, it shouldn't be too hard to believe that he could do it again. "He's angry now." It was important to talk to Josiah now and not later, but they went in circles. Josiah never listened, always played things down and even though Louis could seldomly spell out what was wrong, shouldn't Josiah just understand him? It was Louis that tried to break their bond and thus maybe it was only fair that Josiah couldn't understand him anymore without needing to hear him say anything. More often than not Josiah misunderstood everything, when he'd always been the one scared in the night and feeling that something was off. It was ironic that Louis was now the one who saw proof.

"That's bad enough, isn't it?", Louis asked. Roy hurting Josiah. He wouldn't kill him, right? Louis couldn't be sure and he somehow wanted to talk to Blair about it. There were much less restrictions when talking to him after all, they shared enough information after all. Both of them died in this circus and both of them were saved, only that Louis didn't know why his transformation or whatever didn't quite go through. Sometimes he wondered if it just took a while and the others forgot about it, but he knew Blair when he was still one of them and it wasn't this much of a struggle for him. Louis looked at Josiah and sighed. "He is. Be careful. He already proved that he doesn't shy away from violence." No need to mention that that was on Louis behalf. There was probably nothing much that Roy could do to Louis directly, but he nodded, trying to assure Josiah that he'd be careful too. Louis joined Josiah by the door, squeezing past him in this small space. "Good night. Lock up, yes?" With that he stepped back out into the cold. His head hurt, but he didn't stop, he didn't want to worry Josiah. Instead he went straight to his own trailer.

Why was Louis this worried for him? Josiah understood it the first time. Roy was an asshole, someone he shouldn’t trifle with or ever consider someone he was safe around. And yet, regardless of that fact, he’d no plans to rendezvous with a man like that from the start - the other side of the circus seemed even more distant now, not just a stone throw away, and Louis? He, too, was slipping from a grasp that Jo had never had on him in the first place. “You better.”, he demanded. “Is he now?” Who had pissed him off, then? It had to have been Louis, specifically because Roy was going for the lowest hanging fruit on this crooked tree - him. Hurting Lou through actions like these, though, it seemed like child’s play to his inner eye; neither of them would get an inch of what they wanted if they kept hurting one another, so, one of them seemed to switch tactics. Jo chuckled, sounding almost amused. “C’mon, he’s an asshole, but he’s never taken anything this far, in all the years he and we’ve been here.” What was Lou getting at with this? What a headache.

“Mhm, thanks for the heads up. You take care too, alright?”, Jo asked Louis, nodding along. If he disagreed or argued, there’d be no way to please this man otherwise, no chance of not spiraling into another argument and Josiah, as idiotic and precocious as he found all of this to be, still cared too much about his best friend to simply do away with his concerns, even if his tone was somewhat mocking at times. He slinked back into his trailer, yet didn’t bother to actually lock the door - Lucy wouldn’t exactly be able to come in if he did, would he now? What a pain. Still, Louis behavior made him anxious all by itself, what was all of that about? With a sigh of annoyance and a pang of regret, he slipped back under the covers, waiting for the night to pass. For something good to finally happen within the confines of this godforsaken trailer. Jo’s eyes were transfixed onto the stars carved into the ceiling, his mind whisked to the silent wishes he’d whispered into Lou’s ear when they were younger, even though he knew now they’d never come true. What a tattletale he used to be, what an idiot he still was, too. Sleep claimed him as he shut his thoughts out, but the morning crawled about much faster than he anticipated. There was a knock on Louis’ door, a tall shadow cast onto it by the figure that lingered - Josiah was the one that couldn’t bother to get up, Blair, though? He never slept in the first place.

Louis also never went this far, maybe Roys reaction was warranted, but maybe he was also just searching for excuses. Josiah never believed anything Louis said, he didn't understand how dangerous this place was even after all that happened and all those children vanishing in front of his eyes. They were lucky to live to adulthood, though technically Louis didn't and neither did Blair. Louis didn't want Josiah to be taken by the ringmaster, nor did he want him to be stuck here as well. He begged for Leilas life, but maybe it was better she died. On the other hand, maybe Louis wouldn't feel this alone. No, this was egoistical of him. Blair acted like he was on his side, but was he truly? In all these years he never before talked to Louis about anything that happened here. He could have told him about his own death all along, but he never did, he only now approached him when things already started to change. Louis tried to make up with Josiah, tried to oppose the ringmaster and killed Leila in the process, he was the reason Josiah was hurt too.

Louis went inside his trailer and locked the door as well. Then he lay down almost immedietly. It didn't take long for his headache to do him in and he only awoke the next day when he heard a knock. Louis scrambled to get up, he still felt a bit dizzy when he reached the door and opened it. "Blair?", he asked. A checkup? Probably. "What is it?", he asked, hopefully nothing that forced him out right now. Louis seldomly slept in but today he just wanted to lay back down in the hopes of feeling better soon. He wondered if the ringmaster took note and if he was upset for Louis missing work. He never missed a day of work in over a decade. He felt like every step he took could lead to more injury and death and he couldn't even control his own body half of the time... or rather he didn't care enough half of the time.

Blair was but the shadow of a lesser man these days, his hulking frame ever frail, his head of blonde hair crowned by the sun that couldn’t ever breathe warmth and therefore life into the body he still found himself trapped within. He towered over them, took in sights reserved for few, with a pair of watchful eyes that were more than equipped to sniff out any sort of misconduct, and yet, or in spite of it, he’d trapped the shreds of a soul that was no longer his to harbor between his calcified ribcage and rotting heart, in hopes of retaining the light in his eyes and the wanderlust in his mind. None of it had remained, all burnt to a crisp, the remains of it ashes on the wayside of the beaten path he was muddling about on, no longer his to traverse, the treasure at the end no longer his to take, either. “Morning.”, he remarked with a nod, torn away from his fantasies, cheaper versions of a reality that wasn’t his own any longer. “I wanted to see how you were faring.”, he mouthed, his words whispers on the wind as they crawled about at a snails pace.

Every torn scrap of confidence that resided in Blairs body, fueled by both his idiocy and arrogance, alongside the other Louis’ words, had faded overnight. To Louis, who was alive and sometimes vibrant, sometimes muddled, the hulking, walking, talking corpse was likely nothing more than a shadebringer, obscuring the faintest flecks of early morning sun while casting a shadow of his own. “Are you okay?” The dead fish eyes bore themselves into the soul, the remnants, that Louis was able to carry like a trophy, as if trying to gain a pull on them - that would be, of course, if Blair really wanted to go that far, which he had no use for. Instead, he raised a hand to brush some lint out of Louis hair, his fingers brushing against the warm, almost hot, skin beneath. “You look more than exhausted. Apologies for waking you.”, he waxed as he took half a step back, to give Louis some breathing room. “If you want, I’ll take care of things. I’ll bring you some breakfast later?”, he suggested, looking to the side as if waiting for something, for anyone. Anything, even. “I take it you were left alone? I haven’t seen him yet, which is a bit atypical.” Roy, that was.