eat your young (earinor & marquis)

Louis was met with too many voices he could barely untangle and half of them at least probably wondered why it was Blair who helt the plate with breakfast. Usually he kept away from them, not that Louis was part of any of the groups that existed in their troupe. Blair already apologized, while everyone else tried to make their own concerns known and Louis furrowed his brows. "It's fine. I'm fine." The first bit was directed at Blair, the second to everyone else. Curiously enough Louis didn't spot Josiah of all people. He wasn't disappointed, just surprised. The consensus seemed to be that Louis should rest, but even if he wanted to do that, he didn't even start to begin to think about a changed schedule. He'd have to figure out who would be taking over which of his responsibilities and at that point he was probably better off doing it himself. Tonight would be another show and maintenance checks needed to be made, decorations had to be fixed, clothes had to be washed, maybe even fixed, he usually ran around the whole day preparing everything. They needed to go through the inventory, see if they had enough food and drinks, the list went on and on. He probably should thank everyone for coming, but he really couldn't think of anything to say right now. "Thanks for the concern...", he eventually let out, "Just go about your days, it looks worse than it is." He guessed, he had no idea how he looked. Was that enough to deter them? He didn't know, his brain couldn't think of anything more and he simply went inside again and hoped only Blair would follow. Would he annoy him about resting too? Louis sat down at the small table in his room somewhat deflated.

Their looks were stony, but the silence itself seemed uncanny enough. No matter how he put it, Blair felt at fault for something that he didn't even do - someone had told everyone, that was his best guess, but that would mean that somebody had figured out something had happened to Louis in the first place and that, in turn, raised even more questions. Now his own head hurt, for no reason at all, and Louis looked worse for wear at the commotion in front of his trailer, this early. Soon after he spoke up, there was another squabble and everyone seemed to fall apart - maybe, if he listened closer, Blair would hear the catfight that broke out, but he didn't care enough to pick up on that, no. Instead, he grabbed the bandages from someone, then followed Louis suit and locked the door behind them, once more, hoping that the mass of people right outside the window would dissipate eventually, maybe even forget about the delusion that they chased after right now. With plate and bandages in hand, he put them down on the desk that Louis sat at; he should eat, first things first. "They're like vultures right now, I don't know who told them, I already asked - I bet this is Roys doing, that damn bastard.", he complained, loud enough for Louis and himself to hear. This was, well, not great, was it now? Who knew what else it was that Roy could and would do if someone let him, and who knew when it would end, now that it had already begun like this - if that was even his doing. "Are you feeling any better, or is it still the same as yesterday?", Blair wanted to know, aware that any more questions wouldn't do Louis good, not when he shouldn't even be up - it seemed as if his body still needed the normal, or a regular, amount to heal from any ill-begotten injuries, unlike his own, which was a bit of a detriment for him. "Just tell me when you're ready and I'll take a look." That was pretty much all of which he had to say on the topic, and not much else, careful not to overwhelm the likely half-asleep man in his vicinity.

"Wouldn't Roy feel the blunt of this...? We haven't been on good terms quite obviously, he was missing from one of the shows and now this... not that I think he did this, I was just overdoing it.", he added at the end. He didn't want to blame Roy for anything, from what he could remember, he felt dizzy and then he fell, that was all. It was just his own stupid mistake. Louis sighed and supported his head with his hand. He shortly looked at the breakfast, he wasn't hungry as always, but today he also felt a little sick and food was the last thing he wanted right now. Did half of those out there even care about him, or was this just a show for themselves for once? "More of a headache... and I feel sick.", he reported back to Blair, who was still a bit suspicious. Why did he care? Why did he want to help him? To get out of the ringmasters clutches? In the end that would mean he only used Louis for his own selfish gains as well. It would be fine if they had the same goal, but Louis didn't want to fight, not against this thing. "Sure, go ahead..." He accpted his help anyway. someone had to check the wound and see to it that it healed nicely and it might as well be Blair. "Don't try to keep me from doing the show tonight." He wasn't sure if he could get kept from it, unless his other self also needed and wanted rest, but he doubted that. He'd know if this thing was even capable of having a headache, not that that information helped a whole lot. "There's so much to do still..."

"Oh, I don't think he pushed you, or tried to enfeeble you, you misunderstand. I have a hunch he ... told some people what happened to you, is what I mean.", Blair explained himself. Therefore, this caused quite the commotion early in the morning and dragged everyone to Louis' trailer, aside from a handful that seemed to be preoccupied with himself. "I'll try to figure out if he did anything while everyone was distracted." It seemed unlikely, and he wasn't going to damage any of the equipment in the tent, that would be to his own detriment. But then, what else could he use all of this ruckus for? Blair felt sick to his stomach considering the possibilities, yet, he could never say for sure if it wasn't just a coincidence that led to all of this transpiring in the end. "That's not great. How did you sleep?", he asked Louis shortly after - if he had a concussion, that wasn't great, but he'd likely not be up right now, either. What could he do for him? Tell him to rest? He'd never accept that, he had learned as much from the few interactions they had over the past few years, if any at all, meaning most of it was osmosis and hear-say anyway. At least he seemed willing to cooperate, and Blair took advantage of that to unfurl the bandage and take a closer look at the wound, now that daylight shone into the trailer, bit by bit, and made his work easier, too - that wasn't great, but it could be worse. "Should I get someone to stitch it?", Blair inquired with Louis, biting his lower lip. "You theoretically don't need it, but it could help.", was all he tacked on before bandaging it anew. "Eat your breakfast first, drink some water and then we'll see how you are feeling. I won't keep you, or, well, that guy from doing the show tonight if you want to, but you better leave the prep to other people, or else you're not getting rid of that headache." As much as Louis would lament to admit it, Blair was fairly aware that he needed and welcomed any rest he could get his bony fingers on. "There's plenty of capable people around, if we split the pre-show duties up a bit, I'm sure we'll get them done for you in no time, and you can relax a bit. How's that?"

"No I know... I just thought people might think he did. Wouldn't that get them on his case after they came here?", Louis wondered. Blair had a point though, the attention lay here it seemed. "You really don't have to get involved in this..." Louis wasn't sure if he appreciated it, or if there was anything Roy wanted to do anyway. For all he knew maybe Blair just wanted an ally against him, someone who hurt him before. Maybe he'd be better off going for his other self in that case though. Louis head hurt too much to make sense of this. "More than the last couple days... but I kind of went in and out...", he reported to his personal nurse it seemed. Wasn't it quite a coincidence Blair of all people had found him and now got access to him and his secrets? It was easier to talk to him that was true, there was less they both couldn't tell eachother or just infer from the context they both had. It hurt a little when Blair took the bandages off, but not much. He prodded the wound a little bit and Louis just stayed still until he was done. "Theoretically...?", he mumbled. Theoretically he was something between human and monster, who was to say he couldn't die like a human did though? "If it needs stitching I'll have it done." Why not? The sooner this healed the better. The bandage was quickly put around his head again, which surely made it look much worse than it was. "I just don't want any trouble..."; he mumbled, with his other self he meant. Again he looked at the food, but he didn't feel like he could stomach it right now. He drank some water though. "It'll be stressful for everyone...", Louis sighed. It wasn't like the others had a lot of free time all the time and Louis was the only one working. He took a piece of paper and a pen, but before he even started writing anything down he looked up to Blair. "Can you read?", he asked him. If he made a list of things that needed to be done, someone needed to be able to read it after all.

"I asked them, nobody knows who it came from anymore, they all just ... kinda knew, somehow. I don't think it'll fall back on him, and if it does, I'm pretty sure he didn't start spreading the word himself." Which meant that someone else would be thrown under the bridge for him to make a swift escape from the situation and claim ignorance, as best he could. Roy was like this, always in the need to save his own skin, for no reason at all, but Blair gave up trying to understand the bastard a while ago. "I don't mind." In fact, he'd like to, and as it stood, Louis had no allies outside himself and another guy that barely knew what he wanted to do with himself or what any of these topics meant, in the grand scheme of it all. Josiah was, at best, unreliable and at worst absolutely useless to Louis. "Mh, not great either. You might have a concussion, but I'm not a professional." Which meant that he was to avoid the sun and stay inside, and not let himself be the centerpiece of a show like the one tonight, or tomorrow, or the day after that - if the little creature inside of him would let him, that was. "The wound would heal well on it's own, but it'll take time and I think you don't have that much to spare, given how you usually conduct yourself. It will hurt, though, and I am not sure if I should stitch that in the first place. Well, I can stitch clothes, but a human?" Better ask someone else that wasn't him, then - the ringmaster would be able to for sure, and yet, nobody really wanted to ask him for such menial things, well aware that they would earn his ire if it was a stupid enough question, or be told to consult a professional, one way or the other. "You won't have any, you have my word for it.", Blair gulped, quite a ways aware that, if he wanted to do everything up to Louis standards, he'd have a hard time all day, so he'd simply have to wing it and appeal to the wide array of people in the circus to do it 'as Louis would do it' and not slack during prep, or else they'd have another Leila situation on their hands - he didn't want to think about it. "It'll be even more stressful if you're out cold for a month instead of two weeks, and you're aware of that." Everything sort of relied on Louis and they both were aware of that - thankfully, there was an easy fix for the problem at hand, which called itself 'rest' and would, hopefully, make him right as rain in no time at all. "Yes.", he assured Louis. "Write, too, if needed."

"Ugh... it doesn't really matter, it's not like I could have hid this from anybody for too long.", Louis sighed. It was quite obvious, especially should he shun his tasks altogether now. He couldn't in good conscience, but at the same time he knew that Blair was right and that he needed rest. It wasn't up to him or anyone else, he was hurt and needed rest to heal. He'd just make it worse if he worked like this and he especially didn't trust himself with the equipment checking today. Everyone had to do their own checks as usual and just find a partner to double check it for them. "You mean you want to.", he corrected Blair. Louis didn't ask for his help, nor did he even mention that he wanted to keep an eye on Roy, Blair did. "Well that happens, it wouldn't be the first here. We don't need a professional to deal with this." Doctors were expensive and Louis probably fine without one. "Hurt? Don't worry about that..." Louis knew worse pain, maybe the worse a human could feel. Half his body was burnt and he felt it again just a few days ago, when he tried to leave. A few pricks of a needle wouldn't bother him much. "If anyone else if up for it, I am not too proud to ask for help in that matter." He would be a hypocrite if he didn't look after himself now that he was actually hurt. He liked to deal with all his worries himself, but this lay out of his control and he couldn't do it himself. "I just don't think it's a good idea to disagree with me later tonight... you might know this, but others..." Everyone could see that Louis changed, but nobody really could decide if it was an act or not. Either way, he changed and he didn't want to hurt anybody else. "I know...", he sighed and since Blair was in fact able to read, Louis forced his brain to think of all the tasks that he had today. This shouldn't be too hard, there was rarely a day he didn't do these, but his head hurt and he worried he forgot some things. Once that was done he noted down people who could take over, or instructions on how to mitigate it. Finally he handed Blair the paper. "And please, just come to me if there are any questions or problems, I can help still."

"You could have tried, probably. Not sure if you'd have managed to keep it a secret, though.", he admitted to Louis' face, well aware that they both had their own demons to deal with and that, in hindsight, teaming up might prove to be a bit of a pain in the ass. Regardless of the outcome however, Blair felt inclined to help and also find the person that was to blame for what had transpired right here - it wasn't him, he hadn't said a peep, and suddenly, all of those people behaved quite odd, if not borderline uncomfortable. "Yes ... I do want to." Blair nodded, feeling embarrassed about having to be corrected over something so small, essentially, but it was good to know that Louis had his back, in some regard, even if he kept waxing on about being unable to trust him. "We are quite the reliable but cheap bunch when it comes down to it, I realized. I think there was a time where I was costing the circus more than I've made by now, it's the slightest bit sad." This wasn't like him at all at times, but Blair had his random bouts of sadness - just not today, or now, and instead, he could have a good chuckle about all of this at a later date, when the worst of it had blown over. "Do you want to take a painkiller first? You can ... take it and I come back to stitch you up when I've sorted out the duties?" That sure was a suggestion to have, but the best one that he could come up with - he knew that nobody else would do it for Louis, or that he'd have to get past his pride to really ask anyone for help, which seemed to be a sore topic; everything Louis couldn't do himself seemed kind of soured, in fact, this stuff was almost odd to consider for someone like Blair who was used to having to ask others for help more than enough times in his life. "I'll do it, no need to ask around." If he trusted him, that was, yet, it wasn't like they had a chance anyway. "I'll keep them out of your way if there's something that isn't up to your standards, and if he wants to take it out on someone, well, you want to take it out on someone, I'm right here!" Blair truly was something like a weeping clown; even in the worst of situations, he saw the best in it and made grimaces, amused at his own suffering for the audience to behold - that was a good skill to have, either way. "Mh." So he did? As he was handed the paper by Louis, he nodded ever so eagerly. "I will, I will. And you, rest up, will you now? I'll leave you to it then, and sorry for the sudden intrusion this early. See you later." With a nod and a wave, Blair was out the door and off to make things right for tonight.

Blair was odd. Why speak to Louis now? Why try to help him now when he was about to give up anyway? It didn't make sense, but Louis head hurt too much to think about it and figure out what it was he wanted. He told him he owed him for Roy, but that seemed odd. "You couldn't train with us more often than not, I remember.", Louis told him. A sickness was what claimed Blairs life, but he'd been sick plenty of times before. Louis wondered how the ringmaster decided who he called to his trailer, who he kept around and who he killed. Louis always thought it had to do with how much value someone generated, but why would the ringmaster actually care about his sales? He probably had no use of money. He kept Blair around for a while, whether or not he could have been saved when he grew sick with whatever went around that winter, lay in the stars. Leila was a message to Louis, that was probably all. What about the fire? Was it coincidence? If yes, why didn't he intend Louis to stay with them? Maybe because he knew he'd fight it at least a bit? Those were all just speculations and he could be miles off for all he knew. Maybe it would make more sense if he knew more about the others lifes before this, but why even bother? It seemed Louis couldn't stop trying to make sense of this whole situation. "No, I... I'll just rest without." Louis didn't want to take anything that made him feel sluggish. The headache was enough to keep him confined today. "I don't want to... for different reasons than with Roy, so I assume you're save. He's still me, somewhat." His other self didn't necessarily feel anything for Louis' friends, but he was aware that they were important. The things he said to Josiah were said in an effort to protect himself, not to hurt Josiah, Louis knew that. It wasn't an excuse, but at least it meant there was something of him left in there too. Once Louis handed over the paper, Blair basically bolted out of the trailer, just so Louis would finally get some rest. He sighed, too tired to get up right away and while he did plan on going back to bed eventually, he instead fell asleep on his desk. When he woke up it was still bright outside and it seemed like Blair hadn't come back. The headache wasn't much better, but Louis worried too much to keep hauled up in here, so he got up, changed his clothes, since there was blood on his current ones he wore yesterday and then left the trailer, locking it as he remembered Blairs warning about Roy. Louis would behave, not work too much and just check on the progress everywhere.

Getting ahold of people was easier said than done - it wasn’t just Louis that didn’t trust him, not in the slightest. Whenever Blair thought he could get past his awkwardness and strike up a worthwhile conversation, he found that everyone else was blabbering among themselves and the moment he raised his voice, they regarded him rather cold, or simply ignored him, like a ghost - few of them were actually willing to let him get as far as to mention Louis’ ailment, and the fact that he was in a time of need, only to then point him in different directions since they found themselves occupied. At that point, Blair felt deflated enough to want to return to Louis’ trailer, admit defeat and walk away, but he knew that he was being counted on and that having a childlike tantrum over the small things in life wasn’t suitable for a man his age, let alone would it benefit him - which made him change his approach. Without a doubt, that worked better; he asked James and Mara first, layering on his desire to help Louis’ quite thick, and then they also made the fortunate discovery that Josiah had little to nothing on his hands and was looking for Louis anywho - one push in the right direction later, they were all busy at work with taking care of the tasks given to them, and Blair, who also had his hands full with helping, felt that if he’d simply hung around this part of the troupe longer, maybe he’d have had it easier - he didn’t hate them, but their insistence on making someone feel better and then completely abandoning him like that, when someone else asked in his stead, showed just how two-faced all of these people could be, in part due to the fact that everyone was growing more and more suspicious of one another it seemed. What was even going on? By the time the taskmaster himself surfaced among them, Blair had the tent looking mostly prim and proper for tonight, with a few logistic things that still needed to be done, but overall, they kept pace and that many hands on everything meant that they would overtake Louis’ lonely marauding in no time, if they could keep up with all of that. “You’re already up? It’s a bit too early.”, Blair mentioned as he walked over to where Louis stood, only to feel a shove at his side - Josiah was intruding, for better or worse. “Are you okay? I’m sorry I wasn’t there. Don’t you want to go back and lay down? I can bring you some lunch if you want!” He, too, was barking up the wrong tree it seemed, and even without asking, grabbed Louis’ hand, staring at him with pleading eyes. “Why didn’t you say anything? I should’ve not left you alone the other day.” Gods, Josiah could be annoying, Blair had all but forgotten about that. “Do you want me to leave you alone? Looks like you two need some private time.”, Blair asked, raising an eyebrow and gesturing at Jo with his head, just for Louis to see.

The tent was busy, a lot of people were working and didn't even notice Louis crawling out of his trailer it seemed, at least they didn't swarm him anymore. Blair spotted him though and walked over to him. Before he could answer him though, Josiah was already there as well, basically shoving him out of the way. Josiah grabbed his hand and talked a bit too much, making Louis headache slightly worse. "I'm fine.", he reiterated for Josiah, who himself was still hurt and was better off not doing too much taxing work. Not to say that he couldn't do anything, but he should take it slow. "No need to apologize." There really wasn't. It wasn't Josiahs fault, or anybody elses for that matter. "It has nothing to do with that... I slipped and fell, that happens." It wasn't quite that easy, but for Josiah he broke it down. Simply put, Josiah couldn't have done anything and he wasn't obligated to look after Louis either and additionally, he didn't even have a chance to tell him about this. He wondered where he'd been in the morning. Lucy stood close, pretending to work on the tasks she picked for herself, giving Louis a glance, before focusing on her hands again. Blair meanwhile seemed rather annoyed by Jo and his nature. Louis had been friendly once too, but that changed a long time ago. It felt like a lifetime. "No, I actually wanted to know about the progress." And since Blair was the one assigning tasks and managing everything, he figured he could best tell him what was done and what wasn't yet. He slowly pulled his hand out of Josiahs as well.

Josiah would likely be happy if Louis went with him and the two of them could spend an afternoon together, surely, but Louis was such a busybody that something like that wouldn't happen now, or in a million years, not when they were setting up for tonight, which was creeping ever closer, now that they were actually occupied with work. "Are you sure?", Jo asked, sheepishly and somewhat timid, sounding as concerned as he'd always had. What was it that made this man work the way he did, and why, on gods green earth, was he such a plague to him? "It wouldn't have happened if I had bugged you to actually take a break!", he argued immediately, but that earned him a sour look from Blair, whom Josiah had neither regard nor respect for. What was he doing here? Why was he clammoring Louis like that? If he had to ask anyone to help him, Jo had believed it'd be him first, everyone else second - it seemed like things were changing, not just around here, or in Louis' himself. "Josiah.", Blair raised his voice and piqued the interest of his fellow blonde, the one that looked worse for wear, still. "I think it would be best if you keep your voice down and do the work Louis' is asking of you - that would actually help him the most, besides, you don't want to make his headache worse, do you?", he heard the appeal to him loud and clear, and yet, he grimaced at Blair, who shook his head. If anyone was childish, it had to be this guy - what a shame that was. "I think Louis can tell me that himself." No regard for his friend, then. "I'm telling you because Louis asked me to take care of this, and you're intruding right now, frankly. If you don't want to help, then go back to your trailer and wait your turn - if not for me, then your best friend."

Jo clicked his tongue and let his head hang low, eventually breaking up the fleeting grip that he had had on Lou. What use was it if he was being told to take a step back, to go away from where they were at present? Clearly, he was no longer welcome at his friend's side, not for the time being. "See you later, then.", Jo mumbled, with the click of his tongue, backing off and waltzing himself back over to Lucy, to help her with the gods knew what. None of his concern - it didn't seem like they had been doing work, anywho. "The equipment has been inspected, it's fine. There's some wear and tear on some of the curtains that Mara volunteered to fix, she's doing that, currently. Most of the decorations are up already, the ones that aren't are being handled by Andrew and getting fixed by me, after this. The clothes are good to go already, I fixed those. The candles, lamps and lights work fine, the kids are pacificed at present, the equipment and food for the customers are fine, too ... what else, ah, right. We figured out how to cover for Conny's and Jo's acts for tonight, and in case Roy also feels like he isn't going to show, I can cover that, that shouldn't be a problem. Oh, and we sort of were entertaining the thought of alleviating some of your show-stress, so we split the short five minute sections you usually take care of up, temporarily, I made a list right here." He showed Louis the back of the note he had given him and the new writing on it. "If that is all, I'd like to fix your wound, before anything happens. After that, if you'd like to help, I'm sure everyone would be delighted to have you." What a bunch of lazy bastards.

The fact that Louis was willing to rest and handed over his tasks probably was enough reason for Josiah to worry. Louis always did everything on his own, he never complained and he almost never took a day off either, though it happened more than it shoud lately. "I took a break when we talked." That was actually true, he'd not worked as much anyway, especially the children he didn't train the past couple of days and he sat out there doing nothing of note. Josiah was already blaming everything on himself and while Louis put certain blame on his shoulders that wasn't fully his as well, Josiah seemed to have the need to attribute everything negative happening on himself. He was surprised he didn't blame Leilas death on himself either. He wasn't always like this, but Louis knew that the fire was partly to blame. While Josiah made it out relatively unscathed, Louis still carried the scars from that day and Jo was reminded of that fact everytime he looked at him. Pushing him away like Louis did and being an asshole to keep his distance probably contributed to all of it. It was Blair who broke a lance for Louis here and told Josiah off. "I'm... right here.", Louis sighed upon them arguing over him in his presence like he wasn't.

Jo let go, visibly upset and maybe a bit overdramatic, which didn't contribute to Louis mood. Why did he always have to make everything so hard? "We can talk later. Ater the show?", he offered, not wanting Josiah to do or think something stupid again, like killing himself over Louis coincidently having given that task list to Blair and not him, because he was around at the time and Jo was not. Jo being around Lucy probably also didn't help, with her staring daggers into him whenever she saw him. Louis sighed and turned his attention to Blair. It seemed like everything was just fine without him, except "Why would Roy not show?", he asked. There was one show he forcefully had to sit out thans to Louis, but since then he showed every single time. He also took the list from Blairs hand, but only briefly looked at it. "You know I can't agree or disagree to this right now. I assume I'll do it myself." It wasn't really up to him, not fully at least, he couldn't commit to anything just yet. If anyone would be delighted to have Louis around was unclear, he doubted it, unless it was to have a little less to do tonight. He didn't mind all the work and he'd always been someone who helped everywhere he could, the whole day long and had to shake Josiah off who wanted to play instead. Louis never was like him, with an actual talent, so he always felt the need to make up for it. After the fire he felt like if everything ran as smoothly as possible, the ringmaster would be appeased easier. Now the show was so big, there was little room to tone down again. "Sure, let's do that. After you.", Louis nodded. He realized that he should probably also eat and he'd do that too. "How's Arthurs costume getting along?", he asked on the way. He wasn't sure if anyone had any time for it today. It didn't need to be ready now, he was just wondering. "I'd want Conny to train him, we need someone to take... well Leilas place, I'm sorry." Now they had nobody on the trapeze, because Conny hasn't left her trailer in days. Their costumer noticed and some even complained. The new Louis was pretty good at making them forget and enjoy the circus anyway, he was quite charming, but they needed to get that act back in eventually. "Maybe we could at least have him down low, with a matress, he needs to start somewhere. A few weeks of work and maybe he can have a little act lower down with the safety net in place." People wouldn't be as excited, but at least there would be something to watch again.

With Josiah off his case, Blair relaxed immediately - how Louis could endure being close to him, or having him in his immediate proximity for so long, he didn‘t understand, but that wasn‘t his place to judge and worse yet, if he got involved he‘d likely never find his way out of that kind of relationship. Therefore, he decided to abstain and walk the metaphorical mile to the backstage with Louis, so he could fix him up - there was little he could, would and should do by himself, not when someone like Roy was bossing him around, but tasks like these finally made him feel like he was actually making an effort to get himself somewhere and to make things work out in his favor. Louis was trusting, which was the worst part, and Blair was dead-set on not betraying his expectations, not a single one of them. Josiah didn‘t even stop to give Louis an answer as he pulled away, in fact, and Blair was fine - he saw the way Lucy was looking over to them, eyeing Louis, and he felt as if that, too, was something he‘d much rather not get involved with anytime soon. “Just a hunch, given his nature. Besides, if everyone else is occupied with the show, he would have free reign to do what he wants to do.”, Blair whispered in Louis’ direction, knowing fully well that this might simply be bogus.

“I do, but I just wanted you to know what ideas we had - in case the other you also feels inclined to rest, but I doubt it.” Demons like the two of them needed little rest, they were tenacious beings that simply couldn’t sit still, let alone sleep, even when they were still weak; budding, so to speak. Blair was simply happy that Louis gave it a glance over and acknowledged the existence of their ideas - that was a step in the right direction. Waltzing past the thick curtains into the backstage area, Blair pulled about a chair for Louis to sit in and dusted off some of his sewing equipment that had sat about; he was clearly in the middle of something before all of this. “I picked out some fabrics that we had, I was saving it for during and after the show, and after cleaning, actually - I went off of what you gave me, and made some adjustments if we didn’t have enough of the fabric colors when picking them out. It’s not great, but not horrible, I suppose.”, Blair answered truthfully, pointing toward the small mount of colored textiles on the table across of them - it seemed almost as if he’d been setting up his workstation here, which would be true to assume, and he was having his own kind of fun with this stuff. To him, most of this was new and exciting. “It’s nothing you need to apologize for, besides, we need to keep the show moving or else someone else is next. I’d rather avoid that.” Picking about some of the other stuff back here, before finding their “medical” equipment, if one could call it that - it existed to conform to any sort of standards in case someone got nosy, yet was underutilized and haphazardly thrown together. As he set up, he listened to Louis’ ideas and opinions for Arthur - someone he’d neither seen nor really heard of outside his costume - which made Blair wonder. “That might be a good idea, but, say, if Conny goes up there, do you really think she’ll take up her old part again? After what happened I kind of … doubt she’d want to be responsible for another fall, and Arthur isn’t strong enough to hold her, yet anyway.”, Blair pointed out, matter of factly, messing around with Louis hair a bit to get it out of the way. “This is going to sting. You ready?” Not wanting to be like that, he gave Louis a minute and then started his work, trying to keep the sutures to a minimum for both of their sakes.

Josiah seemed upset and Lucy was anyway for days now. There wasn't much Louis could do and he couldn't claim he didn't deserve it either. Instead he followed Blair to the back, so they didn't need to stitch his wound in the open in front of everyone. They'd just be either more upset or too nosy. "Even he can't reign free here. I think the ringmaster expects everyone to hold their weight. He might not be... by him, but that doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants.", Louis answered and a low voice. He didn't know Roy all too well, he just knew he was seeking out trouble for the fun of it and that he liked to play with someone like Louis and maybe even others. He should have stopped him from getting close right away, nipped that in the bud, instead of leaning towards him, just because he was talking to him. Blair was the same though, wasn't he? Louis couldn't be sure what his ploy was. He was one of them and he couldn't be sure how genuine he was. If anything he was unnecessarily cold towards Josiah and didn't speak much to the others.

"I doubt it too.", Louis concluded. Just the fact that Blair was butting in so much could be a problem, but Louis couldn't be sure. Even though he understood the motivation and feelings behind his actions didn't mean he could replicate his way of thinking in that way. Behind the stage Louis sat down to where Blair pointed, also looking at the pile of fabric he pointed at. They always made do and managed to have flashy looking costumes out of cheap material. "It's always someone else...", Louis sighed. He could only somewhat steer who by making them work hard, but maybe that was also just a lie he told himself. Maybe he could get Conny to leave here, not that she'd listen to him, but Josiah could maybe help. He didn't quite trust Blair with this, he might just tell on him after all. "She needs to go back up there, you know that.", he answered . Conny couldn't just take her time forever, the ringmaster would not allow that. "Mhm go ahead." Nodding he waited for Blair to do his thing with the wound, after he removed the bandage and parted his hair. It was slightly swollen and numb anyway and even if not, Louis had had worse. Some nights his scars hurt so much he couldn't sleep and he was recently reminded of the pain he felt during the fire. This was truly nothing in comparison. "Anyway, Arthur needs to do something and since Josiah seemed to have abandoned him even though he promised to take care of him, we have to get him something else. He needs an intermediate act either way. There is not that many free places, this one is important and needed and I don't want him to end up with one of the others... The ringmaster hasn't assigned people in quite some time, but if I'm not up for the task..." Who knew.

To be part of the troupe was to suffer for it and ones status in it, Blair was aware of that from the very start - often times, he’d made mistakes and promises that, in the end, he hadn’t managed to keep, but suffering built character and after all these years, he knew himself and his surroundings, through and through. All of them waned and waxed about different things, many of which were the same in the end - their never-ending yowling and moaning, the complaints about things that could be better, yet never were, they all fell on his deafened ears, day after day, week after week, year after year. “Not for long, at the very least. Roy’s lazy, though, and quick to claim recuperation periods even if he doesn’t need them. His injury has all but faded, and yet, he keeps whining about it like a petulant toddler.”, he murmured in turn, finishing up those stitches awfully quick. Louis’ wasn’t the first, or the worst, he’d fixed and certainly, this would neither be the last time Blair would fix him, or anything of the sort - to pull his own weight, he took on every jon he could get, even the ones that most of them found too grotesque, or thought of as beneath them. “Maybe it’s because we don’t rest, or sleep, or do anything, really. Sure, we turn off the lights to keep on appearances but the last time I’ve slept has got to be months ago - it’s closer to death, now more than ever.” Once in a sleepless trance, finding ones way out of it again was like navigating through a cornfield in the high tides of summer, with a sweltering sun overhead and no idea of ones coordinates.

The ringmaster was a creature of great cunning, of cruelty - if he were to strike, he struck were it hurt the most for some, and less for others; it was a wordless warning, one who’s meaning was only understood by those that were allowed to watch this endless show from behind the thick veil of blinding fog, like him, or Louis. “That is the natural order of things in this place, I fear. It’s never somebody that’s not going to be missed. Not that it gets any easier.” Not the first time, not the second time, or the fifth time, or the tenth one; the pain simply dulled, as if the knife with which the metaphorical wound was inflicted dulled itself by twisting and thrashing around, tearing and scraping against flesh and muscle alike, only to never truly heal. “I’m not saying she won’t, I’m raising the possibility that getting Arthur up there might be easier than getting her up there - and I’m also saying that, if anything, Conny would likely pick Leila’s part over her own.”, Blair laid out in a low voice. Dropping someone once more would break Conny - to him, it seemed obvious that she’d want to avoid anything that would involve such things, and yet, an Arthur wasn’t strong enough to keep her up there if they were to execute a maneuver like this one. With Louis patched up, at least, Blair grabbed a small bucket of water and a sponge he had sat aside earlier and started meticulously cleaning the surrounding area, as well as Louis hair - he had neither asked nor had he wanted to, he just knew that he wanted him to look proper, and the old blood to get out of his hair, lest the crust would actually turn the dark brown strands into an unpleasant, rusty red. “Abandoned, huh? Doesn’t he seem awfully busy? When I asked people for help, him and Conny crawled out of his trailer around noon.”, he reported back to Louis with a snide smile, dunking the sponge in the water bucket and putting that away, too. “Should be good now. As for Arthur, I suppose you have to start somewhere, and Conny is missing a second half - I could fill in, if need be. I’ve been up there.” But Blair was rusty, and if he fell and wound up in a crushed pile like Leila had, he’d be fine, despite the pain.

"That might work with everyone else, but not the ringmaster." Even if he let it slide, who knew how often? It wasn't really Louis' concern though. It was mostly Roys problem if he didn't show up, but even if he did, he had plenty of time to sneak out for a while. The show was long and he only needed to be there for his act and at the end, nothing more. The others all didn't help much, they did their part and that was mostly it. Louis wasn't sure if Blair was truly worried about him, or if there was some other ploy Louis didn't get. Did he want him to get paranoid? Roy told him there would be payback, that much was true, but Louis didn't care enough about himself to worry too much and he also somewhat felt like he deserved whatever he was going to do. "If you're truly worried, we can put Roys act in the middle. As long as he shows up, that gives him less time to sneak away.", Louis proposed. It fit in the middle quite well anyway. It was a nice act between the more taxing ones, even though it was scary enough as it was. At least it was Ruth who was tied to the wheel and not one of the children like it was years ago. Louis just didn't trust him enough, even though he doubted he'd purposefully ruin a show. "At least the show is saved then."

Maybe that was a bit too sarcastic of him, but he was tired of being scared to change or think about what could happen once it happened now that he was hurt like he was. They'd see eventually. "There is a fairly steady supply of children now... he might not go for Conny immediately, but if she doesn't get better..." This looming threat was ever present since the fire, for Blair even longer if he truly cared. Even though it probably didn't hit them, Louis couldn't just ignore it. "She doesn't have a choice. She knows her routines, not Leilas and we have nobody else who could take over her part quickly enough." Louis didn't try to be mean and Blair knew that, so he wasn't sure why he was arguing on her behalf. He was just trying to help her, there was a threat she wasn't aware of. The wounds was quickly stitched up, Louis barely felt it, but Blair decided to wash the remnants as well as it seemed. Louis was sure his hair would cover the rest. "I don't know. He's not training, so he should have more time than usual, but from what I can tell Arthur has no idea what he's doing here...", Louis sighed. Josiah was caring about Conny as well, that much Louis knew, but it wasn't like he didn't usually hang around the children anyway and it didn't take that much time to show Arthur a few exercises or incorporated him elsewhere. It was Louis who sent him over to Mara eventually to help out there when he got nothing else to do. Most of the other children already had some acts, easy tricks they learned already. To do what Josiah did took a bit more time, but had he even talked to Arthur lately? Louis leaned back and looked at Blair once he was done. "I've been up there too, but I could hardly fill in after all this time.", Louis disregarded Blairs confidence. He thought about it all for a moment. Louis was still hesitant to train the children again, most of them didn't need him specifically, they trained with the people they shared an act with and with the older ones. It was just motivational if Louis was around sometimes - not too often, because then it was rather disruptive. For Arthur there was only Conny though, and Josiah, who seemed busy. "I don't want to put any more on your plate...", he mumbled, still undecided if he should ask Blair for help, or simply jump over his own looming shadow. "I'll take care of him. Some balancing and getting used to heights should be enough for a while, we'll see how quickly he'll pick it up." He was pretty sure Arthur didn't really like heights, but there wasn't much of a choice there...

“I’m sure he knows that and chooses to ignore it, anyway.”, he replied, looking at the mirror in front of them and using it to look into Louis’ face, which he couldn’t see otherwise from this specific angle. Roy was charlatan, one of those few that seemed to think that, despite everything that had happened, the world revolved around him, still, despite the fact that he was aware of the ringmaster, his existence and all the expectations he had for those that he took under his literal and metaphorical wing. Why, then, did he disregard it? Blair thought of Roy as old enough to not be an idiot, to know what he was doing, only to be proven wrong so many times when he acted out of an unfounded emotion rather than genuine drive, or simply because it was a task assigned to him. “I suppose that would work quite well. That means he’s occupied for a bit, and if he sends someone else to do who-knows-what, he would have done it regardless.” This plan could work, potentially, with the only thing that was wagered against it’s success being Roy’s unreliability and the fact that he loved to cheat people out of time, money and sanity. With a small snort, he shook his head and turned away from Louis for a short moment - he wasn’t wrong, was he? “It’s like the wheel on a river mill; as long as the water flows, the wheel moves and mills flour. The show would go on, one way or the other, as painful as it sounds. Even we are replaceable.”

Blair understood that, out of all people that the ringmaster kept about, he was nothing special, but neither was someone like Roy, or Alice, even - Louis was an exception, something that none of them could’ve thought to be possible, and yet, there he stood, clad in his skin, made of flesh and blood. “Mhm, it’s not great, either way. I’ll try to see if I can get her to … do something, pertaining to her job.”, he convinced himself, knowing that he’d likely would fold soon enough in her mere presence - after all, Conny was the one Leila had picked over him and thus, that meant that she, too, should likely mean the world to him, to honor Leila’s memory. “Which is another detriment. I wonder why he put us, no, you into this spot - he could’ve picked anyone, and yet … and to not even keep her, it sounds almost like he wants you to fail.” Was he hungry? Maybe the kids’ no longer cut it, or, worse, he was getting into one of those strange moods that he sometimes had others endure - it made him feel more human and alien at the same time. “Hm, either he’s grieving or, what if … maybe him and Lucy are up to something? Not that it’s any of my business, I just overheard James saying that both Josiah and Lucy keep asking him to spend the night with the kids so they can have time to themselves, and then, they spend it together. It’s sort of to Arthur’s detriment.”, Blair layered the bait on thick, knowing that he wasn’t lying and had actually overheard that, but Louis still had to use his noggin to form his own opinion on the matter either way. “That’s because you could very well die, still, and you don’t want to take risk. Me? I could probably be a pile of tissue and bones on the floor and it would fix itself in like, a few minutes.” Not always, not all of them - none of that was relevant right this instant, though - Blair was shot down like a leaf hit by hail and he accepted it for what it was, even when he wanted to help and make himself useful, still. “I don’t sleep anyway, so, you’re not putting too much on my plate.” That, though, wasn’t enough for someone like Louis it seemed. “Give me a holler if you need help, then. Also, we’re done here - did you want to help with stitching this stuff or are you going to go back and rest?”

"I don't think Roy is that stupid... reckless yes, but not stupid." Maybe his whole plan was for Louis to simply worry, because he didn't know what would hit him when. Maybe Blair was here to make him worry even more than he would on his own. In the end Louis was too tired for that currently. Louis looked at Blair trough the window. Usually he was the one checking someones final makeup once he was done through the mirror. It was one of little things he enjoyed, but it had been harder and harder to get people to let him try some new ideas or colors. Well, he still had his own face, if he didn't hide until the show was about to start to finally get backstage... He didn't necessarily like working with it, the scar tissue was tough to hide and hard to work with. Louis ended up looking at his own reflection instead of Blairs in the end. "Send someone, huh...?" Like Blair? Would he be so dumb to mention that or was this just a attempt to get Louis off his case? Josiah was someone he could always trust, he wore his heart on his sleeve and he stuck with Louis through everything no matter what. Blair? He was there conveniently, maybe too conveniently... "And if he doesn't show up at all, I'll just stay on guard...", Louis finished their thought. "Then maybe you should be more careful about what you are saying, even if it's only between us...", Louis told him, looking at him again through the mirror. What he said the night before almost sounded like treason.

"I don't want to pressure her and if I go there she'd probably shut her door in my face anyway...", Louis sighed. Blair could try, why not? The more people who talked sense into her the better right? She needed to grief and get her bearings but sadly it wasn't a luxury they had here. "I'm not sure he thought about the show or the aftermath... come to think of it, that trailer almost crushed Jo as well." He didn't believe in coincidences anymore. He finally turned around to look directly at Blair, not through a mirror. "Do you know anything about the fire...?", he asked, unsure if he even should. Blair should probably not say if he did, when he even could and Louis was better off not asking questions. Blair was the one who put some fight or at least curiosity back in him, even though he knew he should just shut up and obey. "Up to something?", he asked regarding Jo and Lucy. What they were doing was their own business and Jo was better off finally seeking comfort and comradeship somewhere else. Blair made it sound sinister almost, but the worst thing they could do was run away and Louis was all for that. "Jo might actually rest like I told him to.", he defended his friend. "No matter if you survive a fall or not, we can't really afford another accident at this point... I think it would rattle people a tad bit too much. Everyone's already on edge." If not for himself then he should hold off on being to reckless for everyone else, if he even cared. "You've already done enough, really.", Louis told Blair and slowly got up. "I'll get some food, then I'll take a quick round and afterwards I see how I feel." He didn't feel hungry, but he had to eat, he knew that and he would. He'd find himself something, then inspect the progress everyone made, hopefully without too much attention, he didn't want to seem like he didn't trust them. "Thanks Blair. For all this." He looked at him and after a long moment finally turned around to go and find some food for himself.

"Touché." Blair accepted his defeat at the hands of Louis - he knew everyone in this circus somewhat well, down to their quirks and behavior, while he himself had loose concepts of what most of them were like, if only because he liked observing from afar, but never actually joining the conversation. How did that one saying go? You could lead a horse to a body of water, yet couldn't force it to drink from it - Blair wasn't much different from a stubborn horse like that, no, but when it came down to it, it was him that shied away from conversations time and time again until he could make things right. "He has a bunch of people that are at his every beck and call, they're afraid of getting beat up otherwise. Besides, he's a great sport to most of them, so they're quick to trust him." Only to realize that Roy, in reality, was an asshole that didn't care for anyone but himself and his own gain, achieved through entangling people in those unconvincing lies of his. Right now, the entire web that everyone found themselves in was more than sticky, funnily enough, though, this was neither his own nor Louis' doing - whether it was more Roys or the ringmasters fault remained to be seen. "That's a good idea." As good as any, that was for sure - knowing his ins and out of this place was important, and yet, Blair hardly knew the first thing. "Mh, maybe, but I don't care enough about that." All of those eyes and ears were listening either way.

"I'll go, don't sweat it." He wasn't sure if his cards were any better than the ones Louis had, though - Conny was upset, shaken and gireving, more so than all of them and to her, it had to feel like her entire world had fallen apart all of a sudden. Blair, on the other hand, had felt upset for the first few days, only for the feeling to subside without much of a lingering effect. He'd hated himself more than he hated Louis for what he did in that moment, realizing that he was indeed losing his grasp on humanity even now. "And the trailer was his doing, too? Are you sure about that?", Blair raised the question and then, as Louis eyed him down, simply gave him an apologetic smile. "As much as you. That's not one of the mysteries I'm necessarily privvy to, I fear. I'd assume it wasn't just a random thing that happened, though." Being able to spell it out, though, often times meant that it had to be, or else the ringmaster was giving them too much free reign over all of this for no reason at all. Pained, yet not surprised, the smile faded soon enough and nodded - Louis was right, he wasn't going to get away unscathed and he'd scar more people than necessary if he actually fell and made a miraculous recovery, rather sooner than latter. How long until he could piece himself together? He didn't know. "I'm just throwing in possibilities. To be suspicious of every single person is ... well, it's not a good trait to have, but one that makes you quite inquisitive into the very nature of everything." And with that, it seemed like their brief conversation was all but done - it was, well, rather delightful to finally be able to take a breather, if only for a second - and to be thanked for his work. "Don't sweat it. Go get something to eat, I'll take care of the rest." With that, their ways parted again; finally, some time to himself.