bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

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    • From his understanding, there was nothing at all that Richard didn't want or wanted immediately - it was all a muddled mess and Yujin appreciated the honesty that he was offered, even if not through words but actions, and he also didn't dare ask if there was anything else that he could bring Richard; no, he'd just find something suitable for now, maybe get some more stuff from his room to put into an already overfilled bed, and he'd make sure to ask for curtains that wouldn't let through any sunlight, or maybe a new mattress. Not that any of this was old, but it certainly wasn't new either, and as things stood, Richard would stay here for only the gods knew how long and Yujin wanted him to be comfortable even when he didn't spend the night with him, which was weird in the first place, considering that he had someone else that he'd much rather share his own bed with but ... for some reason, that didn't sound too true, and Yujin knew that any kind of feelings that he had for Yin were nothing more than gone at this point, even if he tried to delude himself into thinking that he still liked her, every now and then. "I'll be back before you know it!", he told Richard instead, grabbing the yesterdays soup instead and carrying it off.

      His first stop was the kitchen, or would have been, if he didn't run into Shuren, who first eyed him - and the fact that he was neither wearing socks or shoes and still dressed in nothing more than pretty much his innermost and outermost robes and only sighed at the sight of his son. "You're going to get him another serving of soup and only soup, you hear me? I don't think he can stomach anyone else in that state he's in. And also, I don't want you running around like this again, go dress properly, understood?", his old man merely chastised him and Yujin evaded a fanstrike with laughter. "Alright, alright! I will!", he told his old man, who seemingly was surprised at the good spirits he was in - well, it was something else, and had been the first time in months, probably, that he felt as good as now. Then, he was off on his way, annoying some cooks for the right things, and they were fairly aware what Richard could and couldn't have as it seemed. Hot, clear soup and nothing else; Yujin himself settled for the same, only that he probably had asked for one too many dumplings, and then made his way out of there, back upstairs to his room, to grab a pillow - which he tucked under his chin - another blanket that he threw over his shoulders, as well as some playing cards, two pairs of fuzzy socks and another set of whoever knew how many clothes. After that, he was off to Richards, leaving his shoes elsewhere, and almost stumbling in through the door, though, thankfully he dropped nothing, and spilled nothing either. "I'm back!", he announced, and then put all the things he'd brought aside, starting with setting the soup and cards on the bedside table and throwing his blankets as well as the second pillow on Richards bed as well. Then, he hung the clothes he'd brought in Richards wardrobe without asking much and brought over both pairs of socks to the bed. "Get up sleepyhead, I brought food. And some socks.", he told Richard. Well, Yujin was the one that wanted a wash, but first, Richard should be eating up.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Richard waited patiently in his bed, there wasn't much difference than to what he did in the castle at home, only that he couldn't look outside the window from here and even if he could, he'd only see endless waves. He'd much rather see any people running around or animals, but then again, having someone maybe get a glimpse on him like that wouldn't be something he wanted. To occupy his mind he thought about Yujin and what he wanted to tell him. If he showed him the necklace he gifted him, would that be good or bad? He wanted to be honest, he wanted him to know that he once gave that to him and Richard only opened it up once he left, it was the honest thing to do, but was it the right one? What if he felt inclined to be hiy boyfriend again, what if he jumped the gun and wanted them to marry right away? Richard couldn't commit to something like that right now and mayb Yujin didn't even love him anymore. He'd feel forced to and maybe he told himself that he did, because he felt obliged and couldn't remember Richard. He didn't know what to do about that...

      Richard looked up when the door opened again and Yujin came in with a lot of things. He put them away first, then walked towards the blonde, telling him to get up. Well he crawled out of his blanket and sat up in his bed, but that was all he did. He took the socks with a nod and put them on his own feet, then he eyed the soup, actually feeling like he was able to eat a few bites and so he took the warm bowl into his hand and the spoon in the other. The soup tasted good, the spice wasn't killing him and the fact that it was warm was nice. There wasn't much in there but water and flavor, but that was enough. The first mouthful didn't make him feel like he wanted to puke and he took some more. Albeit not eating all of it, he ate more than the last week put together and once he was satisfied he set the bowl back down. He felt full now and maybe tired again and he flinched when his stomach was rummaging a bit as if it was asking what the hell that stuff was it suddenly became. Richard held his tummy and looked at Yujin a bit embarrassed, but he was feeling fine, not sick at all. Was Yujin the reason for that?
    • Shuren had been particularly adamant about giving Richard soup and only soup, and now Yujin felt almost bad for pestering a cook about some dumplings, which he happily ate away on, the moment he'd sat himself down on the bed next to Richard and put his own socks on, too. Sure, Richard didn't look too good - and to Yujin, he struggled to recall what he'd looked like in the first place, but maybe it was fine this way - if he knew that the blonde looked like anything else, maybe he'd be disappointed or even afraid of what happened to him, but for now, he was nothing more than expectant of getting Richard back on his feet, even if that meant some sleepless nights for himself, just because he wasn't used to a strangers pattern of sleeping and because he himself had enough energy to run around all day and commit to an endless list of chores that he'd have to jot down, lest he'd forget it. However, he grinned when he got Richard to eat, and hoped that he'd changed his mind about not wanting anything; that would mean he was already getting better, which in turn also meant that Yujin either was doing a good job, or that Richard just needed a bit of rest for his weary bones.

      "I figured I could braid your hair later, so that it doesn't get any more knots.", Yujin elaborated and still ate his own fair share of food while keeping his eyes on Richard, or rather stealing a glance every now and then, wanting to see what it was that had him captivated in the first place. Being a prince came with but one obligation for now: being happy, and Yujin wanted to share that with someone that clearly wasn't. "We could play cards after that, I brought them ... or just talk?", he then went on, and before he knew it, he was all out of dumplings and only left with some soup - how sad, they were really good, too! Richard, on the other hand, was the one that didn't eat all of what he was offered, yet that didn't matter, as long as he was as full as could be, and Yujin chuckled when he heard the noise that Richards stomach made. "No need to be embarrassed!", he exclaimed. "Just sounds like you didn't eat in a good while. I guess the soup was good?" Now that Yujin did taste it, it was lacking spice and somewhat bland, but it was supposed to be Richards food - and Richard was, visibily and partially audibly, sick. That meant, for better or for worse, that Yujin was his nurse at this point, wasn't he? "I also want to take a bath myself, you don't have to join me. Hm, but I figured that ... if you don't want me to see, you could blindfold me? Though, you already had a wash yesterday, so you really don't have to - it was just a silly idea!", he quickly spouted, before putting his own - now empty - bowl aside. Whatever else was it that he wanted to share with him anyway? There was a moment of silence, then some more. "I'm sorry for talking so much, it must be hard to process all of that."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Yujin braiding Richards hair was nothing he'd ever agreed on previously. Even if he had his first answer would have been an annoyed no, telling Yujin that that was something for girls and he shouldn't bother him. Come to think of it that was exactly what happened very early on, but now it hardly mattered to Richard and he just wanted Yujin to have a good time despite having bad company. Richard nodded to tell him that he could do that. Richards head wasn't spinning anymore too, so he felt like being able to sit up straight for a while. The soft tugging on his hair would probably be nice too and with the length the blonde hair had now there was much more he could actually do with it. There wasn't any shorter strand that hung into Richards face anymore either, all had grown out. Yujins hait meanwhile... did it grow even longer? Or had he actually cut it a bit before it got too ridiculous? Richard wasn't sure, but thinking about silly things like that was good, unlike at home where he only thought about how much Dayan had changed and how hurt his father was.

      Richard nodded again regarding the cards, talking would be a bit difficult if Richard continued to be silent like that. He knew he could speak, he did so yesterday, but he just didn't feel like it and it was easier to just be presented with two options instead of having to figure them out and voice them himself. Yujin meanwhile ate away on his own food and Richard wondered if soup ad dumplings was a suitable breakfast, he actually would have liked some milk suddenly, but maybe that wasn't such a good idea anyway. Again Richard nodded, the soup had been good which was a little bit surprising. He hadn't tasted something he liked in a while, maybe it was the sleep medication he got at home that made everything disgusting, who knew? Yujin had some stupid ideas though. Blindfold him to take a bath together? That sounded odd and Richard could make due alone here for a while so he shook his head with a raised eyebrow. The next time he shook his head he did it more adamantly, Yujins talking didn't bother him at all. Richard too a deep breath however, then exhaled as deep, before shifting on the bed. He wanted to be honest, maybe one thing a week or something, but he figured he wanted Yujin to know a bit more about his current state. That was why he shifted and turned his back towards Yujin while still sitting on his bed. Afterwards he opened the sash around his waist that came loose during the night anyway and once that was done too, he moved his har to the front and let all the layers slide off his shoulders, exposing his back he never had seen himself either. He could imagine how it looked however.
    • This felt like a dream, more than it felt like reality - even if Yujin didn't recall something, he could, at the very least, figure something out that both of them knew and could agree on, and yet, there was nothing to be gained from the unchanging silence that partially befell Richard. Yujin felt almost obligated to stick with him, as if a part of him, deep down, had all he ever wanted and yet felt responsible for fixing whatever mess he saw in front of his very eyes, and though that thought had occured to him multiple times, he didn't want to be insensitive and ask for now. Whatever or not Richard would open up on his own didn't matter, Yujin felt like he'd be asking him a multitude of things anyway, and while it was very much fun and games to prance around, he feared that there might be something that he couldn't help the poor sap with - the same poor sap that seemingly liked to have him around so much, that liked his embrace so much, that he didn't want to let go, not once during the night. "Alright, alright. It was just a suggestion, I just figured that that you might want me around, no worries.", he chuckled, but if that were the case, maybe a trip to the bathroom with a comfortable chair would be enough to keep Richard warm, while Yujin enjoyed some hot water.

      Another headshake followed the first one, and it made the prince light up even more - if that was possible in the first place. "Please tell me when it gets too much, okay?", he still requested, but he didn't ask for an answer and instead, undid Richards hair that had come quite loose anyway, probably from all the thrashing and turning he did during the night. Yujin grabbed the hairband and now that he was facing the blondes back, started seperating it into three big strands, combing through them with his hands in the process - not too harsh, just to make sure that yes, there weren't any more knots left, and yes, Richards hair had grown so long since the last time he saw him, Yujin hardly recognized whom he was looking at from behind, especially with those scars, the ones that hadn't been there before. He gulped. From what he could see, like this, now that the hair was out of the way, it didn't look pretty. Still, he diligently started braiding the hair that he'd promised to keep from knotting or worse, matting, and while Yujin was doing that, he noticed that the texture was much different from his own, but that didn't deter him. "Is that why you didn't want me to see you yesterday?" Was that why Richard had stormed out of there and pretended that his lower layers of clothing weren't completely soaked, too? Yujin could only imagine, but he didn't mind. "Do they still hurt?", he then asked, and he'd leave it at simple questions, as long as they were feasible for either of them. "Either way, I don't mind seeing them. They're a part of you now - maybe they'll fade over time, but even if they don't, you don't have to hide them from me. Didn't you ...", Yujin explained, but then fell deep into thought. "This feels ... didn't I ask about another scar at some point? But it wasn't on your back ... your neck, maybe?" Unlike Richards, his thoughts and memories could hardly be considered clear, but he was making attempts right now.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Richard didn't intend to make anything weird, nor did he want to shock Yujin, he just figured showing him the scars would explain many things about Richards current state. He wasn't sure how hard Yujin looked at them, since the tugging on Richards hair soon continued as Yujin braided them to something. It didn't seem to bother him very much, nor did he ask where they came from. It hardly mattered, because Richard didn't think he was able to answer yet and maybe Yujin knew just that and left him alone because of it. Richard slightly nodded however, when Yujin asked him if that was what he wanted to hide yesterday. It was and he ended up noticing that he hid them from himself too, because looking at them brought back the source of those scars. What happened had changed him so very much and he wanted to voice his feelings, that he couldn't stand to look at them himself, but he didn't know how and his voice remained shut. He also didn't look down on himself, on the scars he actually was able to see, the once partially from his father, mostly not...

      Richard hesitated before slightly shaking his head. No the scars didn't hurt, not physically at least. Touching them was fine, only sometimes his body seemed to ache, sometimes when the weather in Adrestia changed, but that wasn't really a problem in Silesse. The scars hurt mentally however as if they were not just engraved onto his body, but onto his soul and there they didn't vanish. Yujin was sweet about it of course and sometimes Richard questioned if he just acted, who could be this nice and understanding all the time? Anyway, him asking about another scar meant that he did remember, something Richard hadn't expected and it made him happy. He nodded again and upon putting his clothes back on his shoulders, he turned around, not minding if he just ruined Yujins work. Instead he looked at him and then took off the neckerchief he still wore, exposing yet another scar he got from his father, but this one was less hard to think about, even after knowing the truth. Richard reached for Yujins hand and placed it on his exposed neck and the marred skin there. This was a scar that sometimes hurt a bit, but not much.
    • None of this was what Yujin had anticipated, none of this was, what he would have figured out by his lonesome any other way, but Richard helped him every step of the way it seemed, and for that - not only for that - Yujin appreciated him. Every step felt like one in the right direction as of now, and if this continued and they held up, kept one another in good spirits, the wolf was almost certain that they could accomplish whatever they put their mind to. In reality, none of this was out of the ordinary, and while they both had their own wounds that had to heal, much more mentally than physically, they did their best for as best as they could; even if that meant that they could no longer shoulder all of their problems by themselves. Sharing was fine to Yujin, but for more than one reason, he figured that Richard knew him better than he knew himself, even if eh didn't dare ask about it - it felt weird to consider, maybe even asinine to linger on, but regardless, it wasn't a thought of much importance and much rather one that kept him from the hair that needed some braiding, as well as those lips of his that should do some more talking. "Did I say too much?" Maybe he had, but there was no signs of Richard being seriously angry as him, as well as there was no evidence of him going to stand up and book it out of here, so Yujin diligently watched what would happen as he moved, pulling his own hair out of Yujins grasp who only could watch on, look at Richard in bewilderment and wonder what was happening, now that he pulled his clothing back up and turned around.

      "I'm sorry, I should've known the top- ... you aren't mad?", he suddenly wondered, staring at Richard in confusion as he found his own hand being grabbed, all the while a familiar piece of cloth came undone and an even deeper, uglier scar was revealed to him. Yujins eyes widened, not in shock or disgust, and he let his hand be led to where Richard wanted it to be. The wolf carefully touched the previously unseen parts of a body that he should've been all too familiar with, and he remembered the texture, recalled the shape - not as vividly as he'd like, but good enough so it'd make sense to him. His fingers trailed over it, ever so slightly, and the bugeyed expression that the prince wore just now went back to a much calmer one, feeling glad; he remembered and recalled now, though, the details were hazy. "Richard, you ... you really don't have to hide that from me. It took long enough to have you come around to showing me the first time. None of your scars bother me." After all, they were still bits and pieces of Richard - the same Richard that had just ruined Yujins attempt at braiding his hair. Whatever else was there? There had been so much more, and now he wasn't taking his hand off of that scar, but it felt awkward to do just that. Yujin felt like doing something else to it, but that would be weird, very much so - and therefore, he let go and grabbed both of Richards hands, pulling him closer and letting their foreheads touch. "Is there ... something about myself you want to tell me? Or do you want ... to try talking to me about yourself? I'll listen, all the way."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Yujin did nothing wrong. Richard used to be so mad at home for all the wrong reasons. For being nice to him, for caring about him and for loving him. He knew himself that he was overbearing but in the end Yujin had been exactly what Richard had needed back then and he also was what he needed right now. Richard felt bad that his brother, however much time he spent with him, couldn't cheer him up, but Yujin could, just by being himself. He'd always be the same, Richard would even argue that he'd still be loving, caring and immensly talkative if he had been the one ending up in Olette. Actually Richard didn't even want to imagine that, not at all. He wanted Yujin to be save even if right now he wasn't able to protect him anymore, now it was the other way around. He hated to be weak but now it didn't bother him that much, it was odd, but maybe it wasn't. He lost himself when he thought Dayan died and he assumed traits of him for himself, not knowing what to do with them and when he fought out he was still alive, Richard suddenly lost track of who he was supposed to be... and his father couldn't help him.

      Richard shook his head, no he wasn't mad not at all, why would he be? He just wanted to help Yujin remember what he just grasped by showing him what it was he thought about. Yujins eyes widened, was this too much? But no, he was just surprised to actually remember something and to feel the scar he touched and kissed so often, even though Richard didn't like it. H even remembered that Richard didn't show it to him for quite a while and even when he had still for that fabric around his neck. Yujin had to ask if he could take it off every single time. Richard still didn't know if Yujin wasn't the tiniest bit bothered and his face probably showed that, but that also didn't matter. Yujin kept his hand on the scar for quite some while and Richard didn't mind that. When Yujin finally did take it away he grabbed Richards hands and pulled him in. Richard looked at the face that was suddenly so close and he was a little bit startled by the question Yujin asked, as if he was waiting for Richard to show him the necklace. He thought about it for a good while, but he decided no. He didn't want to emotionally manipulate Yujin and he also wasn't prepared to go back to that stage of their relationship if Yujin so decided. Richard couldn't deal with much more than hugs and cuddles. But he had another idea instead and so he rolled up the sleeve of his left arm, exposing the big scar that hadn't been given to him in Olette. Maybe Yujin remembered that too?
    • Richard appeared and weird things happened, Yujin had taken note of that in the weirdest of ways - by being the one that the weird things happened to. In reality, he wasn't trying much more than getting along with himself and all those thoughts he could hardly call his own, coming from someone that never really felt like himself, and yet, on the other hand, Richard was doing wonders for his peabrain that didn't retain anything at any point in time. The cold, hard truth of it all was, that no matter what he was trying, he'd just keep on forgetting, and while he made attempts to write everything down somewhere, he never made enough of them it seemed - but it didn't matter, never had, never would and never could. "You're not? I'm glad, I didn't want to overstep the boundaries that ... I don't recall.", Yujin answered earnestly. If they'd set some in the past, they were nothing but gone now, and even if there was the slightest tidbit of an attempt at restoring them, it would take forever. None of the things he remembered about Richard were particularly useful; his body recalled, his mind didn't - and some of the things his body wanted, rather than his mind, weren't things that he thought of as appropriate, especially not when he hadn't figured out what was going on between the two of them previously.

      But not only that, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, or see - or feel, for that matter. Now that Richard was close, he seemingly didn't want to be, or maybe it was Yujins imagination, but his grip on the blondes hands grew softer, before the wolf backed off slightly and let go of Richards hands for the time being, as well as removing his own forehead from the one he'd pressed it against. "I shouldn't come that close without warning, I just ... I don't know, it just felt like something I did or would do.", he apologized, willing to avert his gaze for the first time in forever, but instead he peered up when Richard was fumbling with his clothing again - clothing that belonged to Yujin and didn't fit him, much like clothing that didn't belong to Yujin and still didn't fit Richard, who looked so much ... different now. His gaze followed the movements once more, but unlike all of the other things that he only saw as what they were, he was faced with a gaping, bloody wound that let a noise escape from his lips - one of surprise - before he shook his head and realized that no, it was a scar, a big one, and it had long since healed; it didn't even look as fresh as the ones on Richards back. "Sorry ... I saw something that wasn't there for a second. I thought you were showing me a wound, but I think my head is playing tricks on me." The wolf squinted his eyes, but he didn't recall much more than that - even now that he came close and lay his fingers on it, tracing it up and down - he didn't say anything for a while. "Mh, it feels like I should know something about it, but ... I can't. Did I ... see it when it was a wound?" That would at least explain his reaction.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • It was odd for Yujin to get flustered or know anything about boundaries at Richard smiled for a second. The prince did wonders in keeping Richards mind in the present and not in the past and it helped him very much. He was only disturbed by his cough and a slight headache, hopefully he wouldn't make Yujin sick too - again for that matter. It was nice getting his attention, it was nice being hugged and cuddled and it was nice seeing Yujin remember things long lost although he usually didn't. He probably didn't lie when he told Richard he loved him and the blonde regretted not answering him ever since. Not only that, he also regretted leaving, he regretted lying, especially after Yujin had made so many plans and relied on Richard to get him out of his icy prison. Richards expression changed for the worse. He believed Yujin that he hadn't been mad and wouldn't be, because that was just not him, but that didn't mean that what Richard had done was alright. Yujin was too nice, too caring and generally let himself be used. Richard used him and he deceived him and he felt incredibly bad because of it. He probably would have felt better if Yujin just yelled at him.

      The prince seemingly misinterpreted Richards face and was shying away, apologizing for something that didn't need an apology. He slightly shook his head and looked into Yujins face. He didn't think he'd get better here, nor did he think Yujin would be there for him as soon as h saw him again, but he did better and Yujin was doing all the right things. Coming that close was natural for them, but Richard didn't dare tell Yujin that, not yet anyway. He much rather had Yujin reevaluate his feelings for him and he didn't believe that he could accept his love this time around. Then again, he also wasn't sure if he could reject it, it would be selfish of him not to however. When Richard showed him the old scars on his arm however, Richard made a shocked noise and the blonde used his other hand to reach out to Yujins, squeezing it firmly. He didn't want to upset him, but before he could hide it again, Yujin was already touching it, maybe it helped this time too. Yujin was asking the right question however and Richard nodded. He forced his lips to part to utter a few words. "... fixed it..."
    • Being a prince had its merits, yes, but being Yujin had one obvious flaw: having no past or future. While others would just do away as they pleased, Yujin hardly recalled what had happened between his incident and now, and those memories, from the person that he used to be before, weren't fresh either and would probably fade overtime, as would be natural. The last tidbits of hope that he had was, that his past eventually returned to him, or that his future self would reclaim the ability to memorize or to remember, but right now, as all things stood, the only place that he could comfortably live in was the present - and therefore, he much rather took care of everyone in a way that they wanted to be treated, to keep them as his friends, and to have someone remember him for caring about them, and not with a sour aftertaste at the back of their throat. The last thing he needed to have was hope, or wishes, because neither of those would help his situation, and yet he tried his earnest, his very best - and it turned out to be just what it always would be: not enough. However, there it was - a small smile, still mesmerizing for Yujins own features to soften up. That was an expression that he'd never grow tired of, especially not on Richards face.

      It felt like he'd done something right, and the headshake affirmed just that for him - he was glad that he misinterpreted the situation instead, coming he tiniest bit closer again, to give Richard some space and headroom, or anything, really, in case he wanted to move around the slightest bit and found Yujin to be obstructing it all. His minds eye was playing tricks on him, visual ones at that, and mocking him for the fact that he could only recall when he saw, not when he had to go off of memories, which was a frustrating prospect, now that he realized it. Richards words helped, if only the slightest bit, and so did the squeeze on his hand, almost as if he was currently being comforted by someone that probably needed hundreds of years of comforting - Yujin felt bad, but he still smiled, like he'd always do. "Fixed ... it? Me?", Yujin questioned. Did he now? He liked reading books on the subject matter every now and then, as much as he liked doing things that never stuck with him, but he was feeling a scar up and down now, inspecting it closely, trying to see if anything popped up, but there was nothing, it was empty, all gone. "Is that why it's crooked?", he tried to pry out of Richard in turn. Whoever he'd been before, whoever either of them had been prior to any of this, probably didn't matter too much anymore, but they both had a shared story only one of them recalled - which turned out to be the one that had broken it off as well. "Well, who knew I had it in me ... did it hurt a lot? But I didn't hurt you, did I?" Hopefully not.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Yujin and Richard were an odd combination. Yujin fought to retain and regain his memories, he tried to know about the past, not only what had happened or who he met, but also who he himself was. Richard on the other hand did nothing but run from his own past, from the deaths of his siblings, from the pople he killed, the things he endured and the person his brother became. He knew wishing upon himself what Yujin was struggling with was wrong and selfish, but he wanted to forget the dark days in the dungeon and the feeling of dread whenever he faced his father now, even though none of it had been his fault ever. He also wanted to escape his own regrets, even though none of this was set in motion by him, it were his decisions that brought him to this point once he woke up in Silesse. He wished he didn't know, he wished he could just hide away somewhere secluded until he forgot it all and could be a different person, but he felt bad thinking that in front of someone who tried to escape all that.

      Richard squeezed Yujins hand once more, happy to connect with him again, but also sad that nothing was like before. Well at least he was a slightly better person now, or was he? He wasn't sure, but he didn't want to go back at yelling to Yujin, no matter what he said or did. Richard nodded when Yujin needed affirmation and the prince started to feel up the scars that wrapped around Richards whole lower left arm. That Yujin was able to se together all those pieces of flesh and that no significant damage on muscles or tendons happened was a wonder in itself. The arm felt weird sometimes as much a Richards neck and certain movement hurt, but it didn't bother him even when fighting in Olette. Richard didn't quite know what to answer when Yujin asked if it was crooked because of him, he just shot him a puzzling expression and when he asked if he was responsible, Richard shook his head heavenly. Then he turned his head looking for something, eventually finding the white furred pillow he searched for. He took it and softly pushed it into Yujins hands and also partly his face.
    • There was so much he lacked, so much he couldn't and wouldn't understand, but maybe, now that Richard was here, he'd have someone that would help him remember, or even force him to do it, for the sake of both of them. All that Yujin knew had gone to waste, awash at a foreign shore within his own head, but inaccessible to the person that it belonged to, yet not locked away. Having Richard by his side was like some sort of odd revelation, one that he'd prayed for - which he never actually did - and that finally found its way into his lap. To claim he was overjoyed was, very much, an understatement and to say that he couldn't help but keep on grinning so much that his mouth would hurt wasn't a lie. For all that mattered, Yujin was trying his earnest, was doing his best in a dire situation he didn't understand, and now that he sat there, inspecting Richards back, neck and an arm, he wondered if there was anything else - if Richard knew Yujins scars, or his tendency to be idiotic enough to scrape his knees all the time that he was out there. Today was a slow day - he wanted to keep it at that and not think too much about any of it, almost certain that, whatever he tried, he'd come to loathe.

      In turn, the prince squeezed Richards hand back - it felt right to lay in his own, like he should have held it for as long as he could, ever since Richard had appeared before him, and Yujin suddenly couldn't help but wonder about one very specific thing that he still didn't want to spell aloud. What were they? It seemed good enough to assume that yes, they'd been friends, good friends at that, but even for something like this, it wouldn't explain the urge he'd felt earlier, upon seeing the scar that lay on Richards neck. Was it ...? No, the question was too much for now, and before he could even figure it all out, ask something else, he was muffled by a pillow - his favorite pillow, as he'd claimed. Yujin took it with his other, very much free hand, while the other one was still trying to search for contact with Richards, and he pressed his face against the white fur that probably could use a good wash. "Wait ... is that supposed to mean?", he questioned without elaborating. "If the pillow is a gift from you, then the scarf is one too ... and that means, the wound you got is from ... the bear that this fur belongs to?" Yujin just combined what he knew, and his eyes widened once more, this time in shock. Richard was alive, very much so, if sick and ghastly looking at some parts - and Yujin was the one that couldn't understand as to why he'd received these. "What was the reason for killing the bear?", he now wanted to know instead. His mind was a bleak, dark place - like an empty slate that wasn't formed all too well. Who could blame him, though? "I meant to ask something earlier, now that I think about it. Are you okay with me sleeping here?", unprompted was one way to say it, and yet, he had a hunch - one that would explain just a little bit.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Yujin looked confused, maybe even a bit frustrated by the fact that something lingered at the back of his head but he couldn't grasp it. Richard knew more how that felt than the last time he saw Yujin. Richard didn't forget something completely, but he falsly remembered something - the day he and his siblings were attacked. There was always something bothering him and maybe there was even a reason he avoided his father for so long, but he never had been able to put his finger on it. He claimed it as because he took him away, because they didn't fight and he claimed that Nayantai was scared and old, but in retrospect maybe that wasn't the case. When Aramis then insinuated all those things down there Richard had it in reach, but he didn't grab it until he absolutely had to. It wasn't the same as Yujins situation, but he felt like it was somewhat similar. He knew another feeling too however. The feeling of ones mind dragging off into a direction it shouldn't got. Whereas Yujin tried to go somewhere specific but wasn't let, Richard just wanted to stop his trail of thought and couldn't either.

      Yujin was slowly piecing together what had happened by the things Richard already told him. He was much smarter than Richard remembered him, but he nodded and smiled once he was correct. As for the reason killing the bear Richard actually used his croaking voice again. "My birthday...", he answered shortly hoping that it was enough for Yujin to know the rest. The reason he was so confused however was probably the fact that Richard practically had no muscles left in his body. He didn't look like he could kill a bear, much less a Silessian one, not that he would even attempt something like that. Yujin probably wondered how he'd been able to do something like that. Richard knew that he was very different now. The next question however made Richard wonder and he quickly noded his head. Of course was okay with Yujin sleping here. He wanted him here, but... "You... don't have to..." Richard would manage alone too.
    • There was no reliable way to access all of the information that he'd once received and there also was no way in hell that he'd figure it all out by his lonesome, without someone to guide him, to give him an answer to things best left unasked, but Yujin knew better than to give up now. Trying was the only thing he could do, and the last thing he should do was not making an attempt at grasping all those straws he didn't have access to before - Richard was different, and he changed it all up a little bit. Now, he understood - but also didn't. This sounded odd, and it was odd, but then that meant. "But ... if this is for your rite, isn't this yours?", he questioned. There was no custom that forbid one from gifting their things to another, and Richard had left Silesse at some point after becoming an adult, and yet, Yujin wasn't even sure how it all had transpired. He didn't care much for the logistics of how things stood now, and he was fairly aware that Richard himself knew that something was off, especially if he could go from killing a bear to not being able to stay awake for too long, and Yujin himself would feel bad for spelling out the obvious, which was why he kept his mouth shut in the first place.

      "I love that pillow and scarf, you know? Now that I think about it, it kind of makes sense. Whenever I did feel sad, I just cuddled with either of them, and it gave me comfort, but at some point I lost track of that. Maybe because I didn't need comfort anymore, but I still like to have them around.", Yujin admitted to Richard. All he could do, for most of his life, was hope for something to happen, for something to transpire, and for his head to understand the many things that were wrong with him. There was a particular difference between needing something and wanting something, however, and while Yujin wanted to be close to Richard, now and in the future, Richard himself seemed like he needed to be with Yujin, even if his words were only partially telling the truth. "I want to, as long as you indulge me.", he offered up, smiling at Richard, trying to reassure him that yes, not only was the world not going to end, but that, if it did, it was at least ending for both of them, together, and they'd see it through like that. "Also, I like your voice. I missed that, too.", he complimented, and he meant it - he didn't just say it to encourage Richard to keep talking, no. That would be mean, and it would prove no purpose anyway, especially since any lie could scare him off, too. "Hm hm, let me finish up your hair. I'll take a bath after that, I feel pretty sweaty. Sorry about that, I wanted to wash up yesterday ... do you want to come with me? No need to take one yourself, but it's nice and warm there."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Was it Richards? Probably, but he wouldn't have taken it with him and besides, he was pretty sure the rest of the fur lay in Richards bed in that hunt, if it still existed anyway. So he shook his head, he wanted Yujin to have it and he wanted him to use and like it. "A... parting gift...", Richard admitted however, because that was what it had been when Richard gave to to Yujin. He wanted him to have something to hold on to, something that came from Richard, but now he felt bad about it again. He carefully came closer and put his arms around Yujin holding him close. He wanted to hug him and apologize once more for what he had done to him. If he only knew how to tell him he just left and how much he lied to him. He wanted to be honest and if he wanted to be, now was probably the time, even if Yujin would just tell him it was fine and that he wasn't mad for something like that, even if he didn't know Richards reasons. He'd just believe he had valid ones and like him still. Why?

      What Yujin said next maybe explained parts of it and yet people loved horrible people sometimes and even though they didn't want to leave them, sometimes it was better if they did. Richard wasn't sure if he was allowed to hog Yujin for himself and if he could strip him from his life so he could care for the boyfriend that had dumped him without saying goodbye. It wasn't fair. He hugged him harder, as hard as his weak arms allowed him to. He just wanted to stay like that a little bit longer. He didn't cry however, not sure why exactly that was. Maybe he needed some more time to open up, maybe he shouldn't cry in front of Yujin at all. Richard hardly knew what to do. "I'm... sorry...", he mumbled, apologizing for the lack of words he provided Yujin with, he just still didn't feel like it. It was childish, but it was more comfortable that way. Yujin already had plans for them however, so Richard let go of him and nodded, turning around again so Yujin could work with his hair. He had to think about the bath. He already was tired again and he would have loved to lie down and sleep. Maybe he'd be more awake later then so Yujin didn't get bored, but the bath sounded nice and warm too. No - he actually didn't want to watch Yujin, it felt odd. "I'll... I'll wait for you... here..."
    • If he belonged with anyone, maybe it truly was Richard, and even if it wasn't - because the thought alone was silly - Yujin could at least try. His life had never been full of sunshine and rainbows, and the presumption that it would be was an odd one, based on the facts that spoke of an entirely different reality. Happiness came with a price, not always bust most of the time, and if he were to put an estimate on the things he wanted to do, then it would be never but always, an endless cycle of decisions made unknowingly, to live a life that for some was hardly worth living. "So you ... left after your birthday, and you gave me that so I wouldn't be sad?", he wondered aloud, and it made sense. Piecing his own story together, or much rather their shared story, wasn't what Yujin expected to be doing, but for the benefit of the doubt, he also wasn't expecting to be taking care of Richard like this, or that he'd ever see the formless stranger from his dreams like this, but ... it had happened, just like everything in this world would happen sooner or later and transpire, even if it had no good reason to. The hug felt warm, comforting even, and Yujin wasn't sure what to say - he stroked over the blondes back, but he fled the touch soon, too. "No, you don't have to be sorry. You haven't done anything wrong - I just felt like letting you know.", he assured Richard, and with that, he decided to finish up the big braid he'd had in mind earlier, now that Richard had let go of him. It was only a matter of seconds, it had been as good as done anyway, and unlike Yujins own hair, Richards didn't seem to be as soft, parting ways with one another and unable to hold its form, no - the braids was only partially undone, and Yujin fixed it up, keeping it in place with the hairband he'd stolen from Richard much, much earlier. Now, before he left, he hugged the blonde, returning the favor from earlier - he stayed like this for a bit, before deciding that it was good for now, and that he really should go - he needed a wash before he was the one that wound up stinking up all of their bed.

      "I'll be back before you even know that I left!" He gently placed his pillow in Richards lap, and then took off - the pillow had given him great comfort, and while he was the one that provided Richard with the same as it seemed, maybe things that smelled like him had a similar effect for when he wasn't there. Yujin didn't waste much time, though - he went to his room, grabbed some clothing and shoes, went down to the baths and rid himself of the inappropriate attire he wore before, only grabbing a towel before that, and slipping into the warm pool of water. Unlike what he'd told Richard, however, he took a bit of time to wash up - to process all that he learned and enjoy the steam that was filling the room for once, and that made him relax so much more than it usually did. Yujin wondered who he was, not as a person, but to Richard, and why they clung to each other even now, but he didn't have much of an answer for that - he dunked his hair in the warm water, alongside his head, but as his eyes scanned the ice that lay before him, some of it - or rather the water above it - turned red. Once more his eyes widened, but it all was in vain eventually, when he got out to find that no, his brain was playing him like the fool he was and yes, he would have to spend a bit of time on wringing out his hair, before he dried off the rest of his body and put on the new clothes he'd picked out, stuffing the old ones in a bin. His hair was ridiculously long now, even moreso than when Richard probably had last seen it, and Yujin took good care of it - so much so in fact, that he wasn't even sure if it'd suffice to cut just the tips the next time, too much was touching the floor already. Once he'd finished up, however, wrung his hair out a second time and used a towel to remove some more moisture, he didn't bother tying it up in any way, and only grabbed it to keep it from touching the floor by lifting it ever so slightly. With a short knock, he returned to Richards room and slipped inside. "Are you awake?", he asked, silently, as if to not wake his, possibly sleeping, patient.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "I wanted you to... have something of me...", Richard mumbled and then looked ashamed to the side. He lied to him so much, he didn't even tell him that it was a parting gift. He should have. He should have said goodbye, maybe he should have even tried to writ letters to Yujin when he was in Adrestia, maybe he would have stopped him from going to Olettes capital and trying something insane. He didn't think about Yujin much once he was in Adrestia, he dreamt of him sometimes, but he didn't want to go back and now that he felt so awful he did crawl back to him, expecting him to somehow make everything better. He initially didn't even want to come to Silesse, that was Dayans idea... or Luciens actually. Yujin finished the braid he wanted to make and once that was done he left for his bath with a smile, giving the pillow back to Richard. He watched him leave and then took the pillow to lie down on it. It smelled like Yujin, very much so and Richard closed his eyes again. He listened to the waves that told him that he wasn't in that bleak place and the fever did the rest to pu him asleep again.

      Yujin was here all day every day. He only left to get little things like something to play, or a book he could read to Richard. He joined him in the bath Richard didn't want to be alone in anymore, even though he made sure to avert his gaze when Yujin undressed. Yujin played cards with Richard and other things. Here and there Richard tried to read himself too, but he mostly grew too tired too fast. He ate more, still only soup but sometimes there were some noodles inside and Yujin sneaked over some soft meat from his plate yesterday. Richard only ate one little piece and his stomach was fine with it. The fever was long gone, the cough too and he got a little bit more weight and strength. He still didn't speak much however and he hadn't told Yujin about the necklace either. He'd just immediately ask him again and Richard couldn't say yes to it. Today after breakfast Richard sat next to Yujin and told him he should go outside today and come back later. He didn't want him to waste away in Richards room and once he was gone Richard took something to write Yujin initially brought for himself to keep track of things. He couldn't say a lot and he was never sure where to start, but today he decided to start and write down things instead. It wasn't necessarily for Yujin to read, he'd decide about that later, but he wanted to. He started with something easy, not from the start but from the time they crossed the border. He sat there until it got dark, which was usually still pretty early in the day in Silesse, but nonetheless it had been multiple hours he wrote papers full that now were spread around the bed while his hand was stained with some ink.
    • Richard was offering some sort of solace to Yujin, and he helped him remember the many things he wouldn't and couldn't recall on his own - and yet, he'd come to realize that, whoever he was before all of this, whomever Richard knew, wasn't exactly who he'd brand himself as by now. There were things he heard and listened to, that he realized to be far out of his jurisdiction of normal things, but he also learned more about himself - about who Richard viewed him as, and likewise, he realized who he used to be and who he was to the man that clung to him like his life depended on it. That wasn't bad, in fact, he enjoyed hearing both about himself and Richard, even if he sometimes dreaded that he'd stumble upon some weird detail he'd forgotten about previously, that'd ruin it all, but he didn't, for one reason or the other, and all appeared to be fine, for now at the very least. The days went by without much of a hassle, much like he'd anticipated in the beginning and Richards initial condition was improving vastly, something that Yujin had anticipated and was happy about, too. They could stay awake longer, sometimes at least, and Richard seemed to have more energy for the sillier thingsin life - all which were things that he appreciated immensely. There were a bunch of funny stories Yujin could recall, and others that he was able to read to Richard - there was a list of things he already wanted to do, but couldn't, because the blondes physical condition wasn't as good as could be, but he didn't mind. As always, there was tomorrow, or the day after that and so on, and he made quick work of the many things that he hardly appreciated as his own work from time to time, yet, he liked being here - and spending all day, every day with Richard sounded like a silly dream that his past self would have had - and his current self appreciated, a whole lot at that. Normally, they'd retire back to Richards room at this point after breakfast, but today was different - he was asked to leave.

      Questioning whether or not Richard would be fine wasn't going to happen; it didn't need to, after all, Yujin was the one that summarized that, if anything, Richards thoughts and decisions were much more clear at this point, and that he might as well take the opportunity to get some things done that needed to be done, sooner than later. Soon enough, he was off with Muhan, making up for the lost training sessions he'd skipped in Richards favor - and as to be expected, probably earned himself one too many new bruises, nothing major, and yet, his father could be so damn ruthless! Still, all was good and the wolf was the one that laughed about it alongside him, as if all that happened was just for fun anyway. From then on out, they made their way to the harbor, and Yujin wound up picking out a few things, not for himself, but for Richard, who's room looked ... nothing like him, much rather lifeless, and he felt bad about it; and yet he didn't want to force Richard to move into his room, either, given the fact that he still was unaware what their previous relationship entailed. Yujin wound up chatting away with Quan, whom he'd met on the way, and there was some sort of ridiculous banter going on between his father, Quan and him, by the time it got darked and they'd wandered far out again - they parted ways, and Yujin returned home afterwards, hoping to not be sore by tomorrow. After a quick skirmish in the kitchen - some noodle soup for Richard and something else for himself - he knocked on the door with his elbow, before letting himself in. He had some plants in his left arm and a few pieces of fabric samples, too, as well as their food - and looked at the sea of paper instead. "Uhhh, did you redecorate?", he joked, but soon enough shook his head. "So that's what you've been up to all day?", Yujin asked, coming closer to the bed and setting their food aside on the bedside table for now. "I got some plants ... and I figured you might want your own clothing or sheets and pillows at some point, so I brought some fabric samples ... oh, and!" Yujin suddenly grew all giddy, fumbling with something in one of his pockets - it was a fabric bag that he plopped into Richards lap, whatever was inside of it rustled a good amount. "I wanted to get some marbles, but they only had pearls." Well, they didn't cost a fortune either, but marbles would have looked better. "So ... what's all this?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • When Yujin came back, knocked at the door and let himself in Richard looked up. As always he carried way too many things with him and Richard waited for the day he'd drop it all on the floor. He noticed all the paper around Richards bed and he started to pick all of the loose paper up so there was actually room on the bed. He tried to keep them in order, but it probably wasn't by now and he didn't even know what to do with it. He didn't write it for someone, not even himself to read it, he could have burned it right away again, but he also didn't intend to hide it. As for the journey he had written down there was the search for answers in Adrestia and his thoughts about that now that it was all over. He also wrote about the time with his father and their relationship that got better and better. He wondered if Nayantai would want to read this, but he had to think about that, maybe it wasn't a good idea and as of now he didn't write a letter home, to neither his brother nor his father.

      Yujin came closer and set the food aside only to present some... plants? Richard wasn't quite sure about those and how they were able to survive out here, much less how they were supposed to. The fabric samples were odd too, Richard didn't go out much and was it important how his room looked? He had everything he needed thus far. He was most confused by the bag that was placed in Richards lap however, not sure what to do with that. He had to concentrate on one thing first and he suddenly got up from his bed to take the plant out of Yujins hand, feeling the earth it was planted in. It was cold and almost frozen stiff, so Richard quickly moved to the fireplace with it to put the plant next to. Then he turned around again to get some water, warming it up close to the fire first, before he watered the plant with it. He could only hope that it would survive out here. Once that was done he could concentrate on Yujins question again and so he got up from the floor next to the plant and got back to the stack of paper. He rummaged through it until he found the first page he wrote. Some lines were crossed out, especially at the beginning when he didn't know how to start. Once he did the words came on their own however. He handed the page to Yujin, then set down on the bed again to take his medicine.