bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

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    • Dayan couldn't just spring it at Richard that none of this was temporary and that his own big brother very much lied to him, but for now, he could play pretend and smile - all the gruesome details came later, and even if his not-old man of a brother insisted he was fine, Dayan still kept a close eye on him, as if he didn't trust those legs he found himself walking on and much rather would have scooped him up and carried around. On topic of that, someone probably would have to take a look at Richards back at some point, to see if anything got infected, or if it needed more fixing from someone that was equipped to do just that. "Yes, yes. Not an old man, but an injured man.", he answered and it didn't help that Dayan hadn't seen him in so long. If anything, Richard felt like he was much more fragile - Luciens body was, too, but in a different way, though, the key difference between the two of them was, that Richard would eventually crumble under all the pain, whereas Lucien just didn't feel any. Sometimes, it was scary, seemed almost inhuman to him, but Dayan had to take into account that Luciens upbringing wasn't a nice one - and for that alone, Aramis deserved to burn in hell, or rather receive the same treatment, tenfold, administered by someone that only resented him.

      Dayan still smiled when they reached the door, he let Richard open it, and instead of closing it behind them, he followed his little brother into the room, to open some curtains or a window, but ... one of the windows was open, the curtains were swaying in a soft breeze and for a moment, Dayan was looking somewhat flabberghasted, trying to find his father behind one of the curtains, but no, he just sat there, on his bed, with a horrible case of bed hair. Richard hardly looked better, but they both were injured and while it was probably easier to walk for Nayantai, it seemed harder for him to leave this room, too. For once, he didn't sport a solemn look on his face, but that didn't change the fact that he looked thin and pale as a ghost, though, that would change with due time. For a moment, however, the old man didn't really look at them, he seemed somewhat out of it, not as bad as it was before - he still looked like his face was somewhat wet from drying tears and one round of sleep wasn't fixing those dark eyebags he had. "Did you sleep well?", Dayan suddenly asked, wondering why - compared to Richard - his thrian sounded more than rusty. For a moment, Dayan wasn't sure if he was heard, or if Richard was heard, but their old man suddenly shook his head, confused, as if he'd just left some sort of daze. "I ... uh ...", he suddenly mumbled, and he sounded better, but he still couldn't look either of them in the eyes - and despite that, Dayan noted something rather important - his old mans eyepatch was missing, nowhere to be found, and given his luck, it probably was out there, somewhere, fluttering in the wind. "Are you hungry?", Dayan then questioned, trying his best to remain calm. There couldn't be anything that this old idiot could say that would make him question himself, but Nayantai was struggling with words again, trying to piece a sentence together. "You're ... both of you ... are real?", he suddenly spouted, looking incredibly surprised. Did he have a moment of clarity or whatever that was? "I ... If so ... I ... I'm sorry. You don't ... have ... to watch out for me ... I ... I caused you enough ... ... pain already ..."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Nayantai was looking better than the day before and Richard felt bad that it was maybe only because of the fact that he had seen that Richard was very much alive. He could have come here sooner, but he didn't, because he had been scared and maybe a bit angry. How selfish and cruel of him, wasn't it? But at least today the curtains were opened and the window too, but Nayantais eyepatch was missing. Surely the king could find another one however. They both never really got to see what was under it, though they tried as one might as thy were children. They had been so incredibly nosy, but now it felt more like obvious why he didn't want them to see it. There clearly had been a cut, they knew the story and it also clearly didn't heal well. Was Dayan making sure that Nayantais current injuries were? he probably was, Richard shouldn't question him, instead he listened to his somewhat rusty Thrian. Nayantai didn't answer, he seemed a little surprised maybe, confused too, but he just stared in the distance, not at Richard or Dayan.

      Dayan tried again, asking about food, probably just an attempt to say anything and maybe get an answer even if it was a no. It took a bit, but Nayantai was forming words, asking if all of this was real. "Yes dad. We're both alive and you are too.", Richard said now, trying to get a conversation going or something, but Nayantai didn't seem up for much talking and his sons just stood there, a good chunk away from it with neither of them stepping forward. "Dayan saved us. Won't you thank him?", he asked trying his earnest to have Nayantai speak to Dayan directly, to try and mend any wounds, any jealousy his brother might have felt still. Nayantai however was only trying to be alone as it seemed, which only worried Richard more. Even worse were the words however, not that those were out of place but it touched something inside of Richard which made him stumble a step back and hold onto the table behind him. He did cause Richard pain, but that wasn't what was important right now, yet his heart was starting to race again. "It's fine... dad...", Richard replied albeit more silent and not as honest as before. Don't... That was ringing in his head, yeah he said he was fine over and over again down there and he remembered Nayantais breaking voice when he told his son to please stop lying with only one simple word. And Richard denied him to end it quick. Was it helping in the end? Or had he been making all of this so much worse for both of them?

    • Dayan wasn't sure what to make of this - Richard didn't want to be here as it seemed, and he himself was only doing so much better than his little brother because he kept himself in check for now; because it wasn't important if he was losing his mind over the smallest of things. His father was supposed to be the valiant and strong one, the one that kept them together and showed all of them just how easy it was to keep their lives together and what not, but right now, it very much felt like something was up and Dayan was lost in translation between them, only grimacing when he finally did get a good glimpse at that scar - and the first thing his old man did, upon realizing what was going on, was to hide is eyes with his hand that looked so thin, Dayan didn't know what in the world had gotten into him earlier. Now, Nayantai wasn't looking at them, though, and he looked around on the bed, trying to find an eyepatch, to no avail. "It's fine, don't worry. I've just never seen it before. Stop stressing about it, dad.", he sighed. If anything, his old man should eat something because the rest of his appearance, much like Richards, was the real problem, not some sort of scar that was very much evident of the hardships he'd endured.

      "I ... You are?", he questioned all of a sudden, taking his hand away from his eye - he felt exposed, seen and threatened at the same time, and he didn't feel like he deserved to be in the presence of either of them, but he'd tried his utmost, his earnest, to fight for control over his own thoughts, and now that he had it, he felt like it was the wrong thing. "Dayan ... Dayan ...", he repeated, kind of lost, trying to remember what was going on - why he was sitting here, at home, trying to forget one thing after the other. It hadn't been enough time, not yet, and it was still was vivid in his memory. There was a tidbit of silence, just for a while, but both of his sons expectantly were looking at him. Nayantai swallowed, he seemingly was nervous, and his hands were shaking already, digging themselves into the fabric of his own pants, gripping them for comfort. "Dayan ... I ... I'm sorry.", he spoke instead, and for the first time in a while, Dayan looked at him like he'd seen a ghost - Nayantai was confused as to why, thought he said something wrong, but that ... none of this was ... "And you, you aren't ... you aren't fine ...", he also pointed out, shaking his head, as if all of the things happening around them had been painfully clear to Nayantai from the start. If he could, he'd hide himself away at the end of the world, he'd run from any responsibility he ought to have. "I-", he suddenly wanted to start again, but Dayan was the one that huffed. "Dad, just ... stop.", Dayan suddenly voiced. "I don't know what happened between you two, but I don't ... it's none of my business. It's just, seeing you both like this ... hurts.", he went on, and Nayantai stared at him, dumbfounded at that, while he didn't know what to say. "Dayan, I-", but to no avail, Dayan cut him off again. "We are both alive. And fine. And both of you need to eat, and sort out your thoughts. And you could use some sun. Look, things happened - none of them were pretty, but it's also not fun if you two keep pretending it's fine when it really isn't. How about we just ... get out of this damn castle?" What on earth did he just suggest? "I can't le-" "You can't or you don't want to because you're afraid of something you can't accomplish in the state you are cu- ... I'm overstepping my boundaries. Apologies."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Seeing his father like that, in this very state, all broken, confused and sad, it hurt Richard and he wasn't as good at hiding it as his brother. But he also hurt because of other things, because of the things he wanted to forget but couldn't when he looked at Nayantai, or even just was in the same room as him. Tears were forming at the corner of his eyes and he wasn't sure how Dayan managed to stay calm and composed. Nayantai spoke, asked if they both truly were here and yes they were alive. It seemed for a moment he didn't believe them and he stared at his sons that might as well have been ghosts. Richard probably looked like one, but Dayan looked good and healthy and strong as ever, didn't that comfort their father a little bit? At least he seemed to recognize him, he uttered Dayans name, then apologized for... everything probably. For leaving him here, for attacking him in the first place, for relying on him now instead of caring for his son as he should be.

      But he was right when he spoke to Richard. No he wasn't fine, not at all, not when he had to dig his fingers into the table behind him to not topple over, even though he knew that he didn't need to be afraid - not right now at least. Richard didn't dare to refuse, he didn't want to make this any harder, instead he let Dayan speak as he so often did when they were younger. His brother interrupted Nayantai and told him to stop, stop being like that even though he probably knew that that was hardly a thing either of them had under control. Richard however stared at his brother as confused as his father. Dayan usually wasn't that honest about his feelings and even though he probably didn't have to spell it out, it was nice to hear it from him. Now Dayan wanted them to leave however? He probably didn't think this true, but he cut off Nayantai three times now. "Dayan...", Richard mumbled, nothing more, he just acknowledged what he just heard. But he didn't know how to fix any of this, at the very least how he'd be able to stop thinking about what happened and what Aramis wanted Richard to believe. "Wh...what are you suggesting...?", Richard eventually asked, still a little bit confused by Dayans outbreak and unsure what to say about it. He couldn't just stop feeling like he did after all.

    • There was silence because yes, what in the world was Dayan suggesting? Nayantai just sat there, confused and dumbfounded, unable to tell either of his sons to get lost and leave him alone, to stop bothering him and to get out of here because if anything, he only brought ruin for all of them, but instead, it was Dayan who had to reign in both of them, who needed to figure out the situation that he found himself in. Both of them were hurt, and Dayan couldn't bear to look at it, try to smile and grin, to pretend that everything was fine and normal and that both his brother and his father were anything but welcome in this castle. "Yes?", he asked, looking at his brother, who he couldn't bear to see like this, either, but he didn't offer him help, unless he'd keel over - his own throat was dry, and he offered Richard but a hand on his shoulder, giving him reassurance. As harsh as it sounded, he could go nowhere and he couldn't be there to comfort his younger brother all the time - there'd be a point in his, both of their lives, where none of the things they did would matter to the other because they picked completely different outlooks on life. "I'm sorry ... it's just ... I don't want to force either of you ... to ...", Nayantai started again, but he trailed off, and it annoyed Dayan.

      He wasn't mad that he was left alone or that he never had gotten a proper apology until now, no, those feelings were settling for the moment - he was mad at his father for simply being. "Dad, for the love of whatever is holy to you: Shut. Up.", he spoke, gritting his teeth, and it only earned him a to-be expected reaction from his old man, who flinched and didn't want to speak up anymore, expect for forming another word, and Dayan felt bad. "I just don't want to hear you apologize all the time, for fucks sake! If you want to apologize to either of us, get it together. If you can't even protect Richard while you're alone with him, what are you going to do when I have to leave you eventually?", he spouted and his old man seemed to understand that yes, he was welcome to talk but no, Dayan was sick of hearing how sorry his old man was, of how sickly he looked and how he wasn't the person that he held in such high regards not too long ago - he was a shadow of his former self, but he didn't even yearn for someone or something he wasn't. Dayan then sighed. "What I'm suggesting is, once you two feel better, I want to take you outside. In the castle gardens. I can't go anywhere, not for now, and even then, not for long. And neither of you can stay here forever, but that's a headache for another day and one that my future self will deal with. And for now, please, just ... I'm not going to ask what happened, I don't want to know unless someone wants me to lop one of your heads off, just ... figure it out. Somehow. It doesn't have to be by tomorrow, but you can't just ... you were fine before you came here, and I'm not the problem! At least I hope I'm not ...", the king spouted, sighing, exhausted by now. "To me, neither of you are the problem ..."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Dayan and Nayantai weren't a good mix right now, not at all and Richard could only stand there and say nothing. He felt like a child whos parents divorced and all he could do was watch it happen. He didn't know what to say, feel or think as he had enough work to do just keeping himself somewhat composed. If Richard had to pick a side here he probably would ave picked Nayantais. Dayan made it sound so incredibly easy for them to figure things out on their own without ever suggesting anything to help. Instead he fled himself in Luciens arms at night while Nayantai and Richard were left alone with their thoughts and memories. As soon as Richard was alone in his room he couldn't stop thinking about the root of the pain he still felt all over his body and as soon as the sun set he was scared of the dark. When he closed his eyes he saw himself alone again, but he was scared to open them again because when there was light, it mostly meant that someone was coming for him, to drag him back to his fathers prison and to torture him while they both were forced to look at each other.

      "Dayan!", Richard spoke up when the king so bluntly told Nayantai to shut up. He knew he meant it well, he knew he just wanted them to be better and stop whining about their own miserable lifes, but he couldn't stand him waltzing over their father like that when he finally spoke to him. Wasn't that what he wanted? "Stop! He protected me plenty!", Richard interrupted once more from the sidelines, trying to defend his father who didn't deserve to be talked to like that by Dayan. He had every right to be mad, but he couldn't speak for Richard and even if Richard would have been able to make sense of his feelings, that wouldn't have been something he had thrown at Nayantais head himself. Richard hated the way Dayan talked to their father, no matter how he meant it. The notion 'once you two feel better' was also something senseless. As if that was in a week or so, no. Not like this, not when Dayan decided to visit them for a few minutes and then waltzed away leaving them all by their lonesome. Maybe Richard wanted his brother by his side and for gods sake he needed him more than that devil prick right now. Additionally maybe Richard wanted to talk to someone but there hardly was anyone he spoke to and Dayan didn't want to hear it. "Why don't the three of us leave Adrestia together then? Once we're better." There was no need to send them away, was there?

    • Whatever spark Nayantai had lost, Dayan had picked up - and for that matter, Dayan had no fun doing what he ought to do best, which seemingly was to terrorize both his brother and his father with throwaway commentary that told them to get over their shitty insecurities, as if they weren't deep-rooted trauma and he had to admit, he was behaving insensitive in plenty of way. Had anyone talked to him like this a few months ago, he'd probably have lashed out, but their old man didn't even make any attempts to move, no, he just sat there, on his bed, and he made himself smaller again, as if he could somehow mend himself, didn't need anyone all of a sudden, but that was a flat-out lie. There was nothing for him left, and Rain couldn't help him out of this one either - he hadn't paid him a visit once, not in any of his delusions, not when he slept and dreamt of things he didn't want to endure over and over again, but it kept him awake, and he reminded himself that sleep was but a vile tool that he didn't need, until he passed out at the very least. "What!?", Dayan spouted instead and Nayantai was left wondering when he'd ever seen his sons fight with each other like that. Had they, ever? No, none of that had been this serious.

      "Did he now?", he asked, raising an eyebrow and looking at the scrawny mess that was supposed to be his brother. "If he did, then why the hell are you afraid of him?", he spouted, and he wasn't wrong. It had been painfully obvious to someone like him that something was wrong with his little brother, but even Lucien had pointed out that something was going on, something was happening, and as much as Dayan loved him, when it came to human emotion, Lucien could be a fucking idiot, mainly because he knew probably like, one and a half himself. "Richard ... I ... I didn't do anything to help you ... I couldn't even protect you when it mattered ...", Nayantai spoke and with that, Dayan had ultimately had enough for today - he couldn't contain himself and the fact that he didn't want to listen didn't help either. This world was a lonely one, where seemingly every man was for himself, and now that he was king, did all he could to find those he missed the most, he felt like they had their own kind of fucked up bond, built around his death, in fictious world where he didn't exist. Seriously, why the hell did he think he'd fit in? "Leave? And where am I supposed to go?", he suddenly asked Richard, sneering at the mere thought of it. Even if he could, he didn't want to leave - and even if he did, not with Nayantai and Richard. Dayan grumbled, then pointed himself towards the door. "Do you two want to talk? If not, I have paperwork to do - I'll bring you back to your room, if you'd like." Lest Richard would just collapse in the hallway again, unable to move and Dayan had to go and apologize to him again. Nayantai looked at them, guilty for inciting all of it, but he averted his gaze eventually, back to the sheets he sat on. It was better if he was alone, even if he didn't want to be. He was lonely in here, incredibly so, and yet, he wanted not even Richard around him, lest he'd hurt him again and again and again ...
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Dayan never yelled at Richard like that before and he was shocked, maybe even a little bit scared because he wasn't even able to defend himself. Not that Dayan ever hurt him, but it was a feeling he felt regardless and he grabbed the table behind him even harder now. The question his brother asked let Richard avert his gaze and bit his lower lip. He had hoped Dayan wouldn't notice, but he wasn't protecting an abusive dad who didn't deserve it, Nayantai wasn't and Richard didn't want Dayan to think otherwise, despite all that had happened. Still he couldn't give him a proper answer and he also couldn't tell him that he wasn't scared of him. Nayantai spoke too, agreeing with Dayan as it seemed but Richard didn't want that to be true as tears formed in his eyes. He just wanted his father back and his brother too. "Dad... no...", he mumbled with a shaking voice, but whenever he tried to tell Nayantai something and Nayantai tried to apologize, Dayan butted inbetween, telling them how angry he was.

      "Where?", Richard asked and finally looked at his brother again. "Away from here. Thria or... somewhere else! It doesn't matter!", he cried out. He didn't think this true but Adrestia hardly ever brought this family any good. Maybe they were better off leaving, who needed a crown and a castle? Richard didn't want any of that, he just wanted some peace and quiet and he wanted his family. Dayan however was already storming towards the door. Richard looked down as he was asked if he wanted to be brought back to his room. Whenever something wasn't to Dayans liking he just stormed out, knowing that Nayantai and Richard could hardly follow him. He made it easy for himself, running from anything he might not like to hear. "N-no...", Richard answered, his voice trembling and barely audible and he still clung to that table as if it was the last thing that kept him from drowning. "I'll stay... a bit longer.", he informed Dayan, even though he dreaded the thought of Dayan leaving and even more so of him closing that door and locking Richard in this room with is father. At the same time he wanted to help Nayantai though and he hated to see him like this. He had to tell him certain things Dayan avoided to hear.

    • There was nothing to say n this regard and Nayantai didn't even know what it was that he could say for now - not only was he watching Dayan and Richard fight, duke it out over something so stupid, he wanted to raise his voice himself, but it felt out of place and needless to say, he felt, too - there was silence, nothing else, because for some reason, Dayan seemingly hadn't considered the weight of the words he was spouting. How odd, wasn't it? "Why would I want to leave!?", Dayan then shouted, abrassive and up and arms about his little brothers decision, his eyes widened in shock. To Nayantai, it just seemed like both of them agreed to disagree, or were fighting for no reason in particular other than to have fought one another and proved their point, whatever that may be. "Just because all you two can do is run away from your problems doesn't mean I'm the same! I had to clean up all your messes so far, I had to take your shitty title because he took off with you, and now you expect me to abandon all that I have for you two, because you come crashing back into a life that I didn't want to cross you out of!?", he went on, clearly not pleased by the response he'd received from his brother.

      "It's nice to hear that you built a grave for me, but on the other hand you just didn't even make an attempt - you wanted revenge, you didn't even think about if I was alive or not! Why would I care about going with you two!?", he then hissed, but Nayantai had enough - he couldn't get up and hug Richard, it didn't feel right and he didn't want to lay a hand on either of his son, or anyone else for that matter, but Nayantai just looked at Dayan for a moment and was trying to figure out what to do. It never had been that bad, he never had been that horrid to Richard. "Dayan, that's en-", he wanted to say, but Dayan just looked at him with disdain in his eyes, his entire face scrounching up for a second as his father was trying to reason with him, or at least use the good old parenting tactics. "Enough!? It wasn't enough that you left me behind for dead, it wasn't enough that you built me a grave and it isn't enough that you can't even properly apologize? And now you complain about it being enough because I tell you what pisses me off? For all I care you could have died in there, it would make things a whole lot easier!", he suddenly spoke and then wanted to hear nothing of it. There was silence, Nayantai averted his gaze by now and Richard was probably sniffling. Dayan, on the other hand, was filled with rage and grit his teeth. "I'll send someone to pick you up, don't try waltzing off alone again.", he grumbled and then took off, leaving the door wide open, as if he at least cared to some degree - even if he really. didn't. Nayantai just sat there, silently, and waited until he couldn't hear Dayan anymore. "You don't ... have to force yourself. It's ... alright if you'd ... rather ... wish me dead too.", he admitted, but he looked at Richard, who so very clearly wasn't okay. "I ... I'm sorry. I can't even ... offer you a hug ... I just don't ... want to hurt you ..."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • When Dayan suddenly shouted his question at Richard, the blonde flinched and would have taken another step back if not for the table behind him. Were they really disturbing Dayan? Didn't he want them here in the first place? Running away sounded good and in that regard maybe Richard was like Nayantai the supposed stronger of their fathers. Yet Rain had been the one that didn't want to run anymore and went for the attack on the mad king. Richard came back once, he fought once, maybe it hadn't been the best course of action, but he did come here. Wasn't that enough? What more was there to fight for if not for his brother that didn't need avenging, but saving from a man that just wanted the throne, like his father did too. "I just wanted us all to...", Richard mumbled incredibly silent making himself as small as he could. He just wanted to go somewhere, whether it be Silesse, or the south or on a boat to travel east, it didn't matter. He just wanted to be together and forget about this life that had nothing but grief for all of them.

      Richard was an the verge of tears and if anything that proved that the dungeon with all the torture changed him once more. Whereas he was angry in Silesse and kind of happy but obsessed when they came back, he was now just a shadow of himself, just like his father. He wanted his brother to love him, he had always wanted that, but whenever he thought they came closer again, Dayan shouted at him. Things he accepted just minutes ago were suddenly thrown at Richards head and he was surprised when Nayantai opened his mouth to seemingly defend the blonde, but Dayan cut him off and threw more things to regret at them both. Richard could only hope that Dayan didn't mean what he said, but maybe he was better off without them. Dayan stormed off and Richard was visibly shaking. He slid down to his knees as he listened to Dayans steps carrying him further away. "No dad... I... I don't...", Richard answered with a shaking voice trying to wipe the tears off his face with his sleeve and at the same time hiding from his father. "N-nothing is... your fault..." At least that was what logic told Richard, even though his body and heart told him something different. "You didn't hurt me dad... never... you didn't... you really didn't..." Richard wasn't sure who he tried to convince of that. He repeated it like a mantra to himself as he sat there unable to move. "I want to go home... back to Silesse... I wish we never came here..."

    • Dayan had, if anything, turned out to be an insensitive brute and Nayantai regretted not being there for him, too. His words hit home - his old man should have been there for him, should have figured himself out before and not taken off with just one son. Hell, he never even tried to leave Silesse, he waited for Richard to be ready, and yet they still failed - and Nayantai had to realize that he was old and weak, that he was unable to do just about anything himself and now, he was even more disappointing, sitting in his bed while looking at his son, someone so close and yet so far, someone he couldn’t even touch and he was not sure what he wanted to do and what he could do. “… be together?”, he questioned, ending Richards sentence for him. “Me too …”, the old wolf mumbled - they were talking in thrian, it was weird, but he felt like a language could keep him safe, too. Not from anyone overhearing, Dayan was plenty capable of understanding, but maybe if he never heard another word of adrestian, he’d be partially free from the curse that rested upon his shoulders.

      Nayantai wasn’t the only one however and Richard was equally as scarred, if not worse, both mentally and physically - and Nayantai cursed himself under his breath for being unable to do anything, to do anything for his son except for sitting idly by and letting himself be defended by him. There was no comfort he could offer him, not with two hands that weren’t good for anything but hurting just about everyone. “Richard, stop. Please.”, he suddenly mumbled himself, looking up from where he sat and no longer willing to hide himself. He’d just scare Richard, however, and he didn’t even know what he wanted to do. “You … don’t have to force yourself to forgive me.”, he told him, shaking his head, before grabbing one of the many blankets in a bed that reminded him of one too many things, but in the end, this was still his and Rains; still a place of comfort, even if the person that exuded said comfort was long gone. “It’s my fault … I’m sorry for that. I should’ve never … agreed … I … was supposed to keep you save …”, he spoke, and he knew that only words wouldn’t mend what had happened before, though, actions were something he couldn’t perform. “Hey now … you got to see Dayan, right? … We should’ve never gone to Olette, I’m sorry … I shouldn’t have … agreed. It’s my fault.” And that was true. Richard didn’t have to delude himself into wanting to go back to Silesse - Nayantai knew he didn’t like it, never had, and it was bleak and sad down there was well. Except, maybe … did he still cling to Yujin? Yujin could give him comfort, he’d done so before, but he was thousands of miles away, at what felt like the other end of the world. “Do you … really want to go back? … Maybe Yujin … could …?”, he questioned, but he didn’t resume his train of thought. Richards old man grabbed the blanket firmly instead. “I’m going to … stand up … is that alright? I’m not … going to come too close … you can say no if you want.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Yes there was nothing more Richard wanted, he just wanted all three of them to be together, to live somewhere in peace away from everything. He wanted his brother to love him and Nayantai again and he himself wanted to love his father. He wanted to forget what happened, but whenever he made a step towards his brother he seemed to back off two. Richard was sorry for leaving him and sorry for giving up on him. He thought he had forgiven him, but he clearly hadn't. Richard wasn't better, he couldn't think about his father like he wanted to, the only person left that maybe liked him, but in the end Richard was at fault for what happened to them and he was at fault for making his father feel miserable whenever he saw him. He probably just reminded him of that horrible place he swore never to come back to, yet he did. Four years of his young life and multiple weeks years later, that was unfair. Aramis was dead but it was hardly worth it and in the end it wasn't even them who killed him.

      Nayantai told Richard to stop. Yes, he should stop, stop making everyones lifes harder, stop being such an idiot, stop breathing all together. He should run, leave his father alone so he wasn't reminded of the things that happened and leave his brother to be happy with whoever he chose. Nayantai meant something else however. Richard couldn't bring himself to look up, instead he put his hands on his head, digging into his hair as if it would help him stop seeing all those pictures. "I want to, I want to forgive you... I want my father back... I don't want to be alone... ", he panted. He had no one left otherwise. Dayan hated him and Aramis took the only person from Richard that was left. Even now they were kept apart. Indulging Richards ideas to go to Adrestia and after Aramis wasn't what Richard sought to forgive Nayantai for, but he couldn't form the words, he just shook his head with certainty, trying to fight that feeling of dread down. He wasn't trapped with Nayantai, he wouldn't hurt him, he knew that, he knew that... "I want... you to be happy... I want you to... get home too...", Richard let out. He didn't pick Silesse because of Yujin, he picked it because they had a home there and they worked well together at some point. He wanted to go there because Nayantai had friends to talk to and a climate he liked, and time alone, and... Dayan made clear he didn't want them here, the last time everything was fine was there, Richard wished he hadn't thrown it all out. Richard looked up when he heard the sheets be ruffled and Nayantai move. He was scared, he didn't want him to come close, but he also did. "I'm sorry...", he said with a trembling voice. Then he hugged his legs and pressed his face on his knees. He couldn't look at him and his throat was incredibly dry, but he didn't say no.

    • Nayantai didn’t know if he wanted to leave - he felt like he owed Dayan a proper apology, some time together with just the three of them, but getting through to him with his skewed logic seemed anything but possible - trying anything right now was naught. Not only did he not know how to approach either of them, even if both of them were alive, he’d lost them regardless - the consequences for his own actions haunted him even now, even years after he’d last fought so valiantly for what he thought was right, but now, all of that had turned to fine dust and Nayantai couldn’t turn back time - that seemed out of question, and impossible as well. “It … it’s alright, Richard.”, he mumbled, unsure how to help his son, or to help himself. But that didn’t mean that he had to stop trying now, or that he could go back to shutting off everything that didn’t exist in his little bubble that was full of gargling voices who’d eventually drag him down to hell. “I’m here. You can come talk to me anytime you want … I’m not going anywhere. Even if you don’t want to see me.”, he reassured, his voice gentle but hoarse - he hadn’t spoken much with anyone in a while, though, hadn’t Dayan tried?

      Nayantai felt bad for opening up to one son, not the other, but as it stood, it felt as if Richard at least tried to force himself to forgive his old man for being a good-for-nothing, while Dayan had locked at least him out of his heart and seemingly was fed up that he wasn’t begging for his forgiveness. “… We … we’ll figure something out.”, he told Richard and forced himself to smile at him - he couldn’t stand seeing him like this, it had been the last thing he wanted, but Aramis wasn’t all too interested in torturing him it seemed - at least not by breaking an already broken body, but much rather by breaking every damn thing that his psyche had nurtured itself on, Richard included, maybe even partially Dayan. “You … aren’t alone, and I’m … I …”, Nayantai trailed off again as he stood up and pulled the blanket off of the bed, but he stood where he was for a while - Richard was miserable and his own father couldn’t even help him, it hurt - and his heart was bleeding, at this point maybe literally. “No need … to be … I’m the one who should apologize … who’s sorry.”, he spoke, knowing that his words weren’t going to fix anything for anyone - never did, never would. Now, Richard was a broken bunch of shards, holding itself together and Nayantai wasn’t much better. “Alright. I’ll … come over.”, he said, nodding his head, bringing the blanket with him - he stopped at a save distance, though, one he set himself, and one that would allow Richard to shy away if he needed to. Nayantai himself crouched down on the floor and grabbed the blanket, somewhat awkwardly draping it around Richards shoulders from his own safe spot. Holding the ends in his own, very much trembling hands, he then averted his gaze - but he didn’t let go, for now at least. “It’s a bad replacement for a hug, but … if I can’t comfort you, maybe your father can?”, he suggested, not even trying to smile this time, before taking Rains necklace from his pocket and sliding it over to Richard, letting go of both ends or the blanket that way. It didn’t matter if he had any of these to himself, if Richard needed them more, he could have everything that comforted Nayantai in here, too.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Was it alright? Was it really? They all were lying to each other all the time, talking about things being okay, about them being fine when all their minds were broken and some of their bodies too. Nayantai was here though and Dayan alive, Richard should be happy, but he wasn't. He felt awful, seeing his brother turn into someone he didn't recognize while he maybe even was a bit jealous of his happiness and his father broken into pieces Richard was too scared to pick up. He was alone and it felt like it had been his choice. He left Yujin, couldn't accept what Dayan did and who he chose and he couldn't look at his father, he couldn't find comfort in his words, nor could he comfort him. He wished Rain back, he'd just smile at them and all of them would hug him together, he'd know what to say and how to mend every wound, he always knew. Even if Dayan and Richard had never had any big problems, Nayntai did, Caelan did and Rain somehow knew how to make everything better by in the end just being there. Now that he was gone however, all fell apart, as if this family never truly existed on its own.

      "I want to... I just... dad...", Richard couldn't form any coherent sentences, but the truth was that it had nothing to do with hating Nayatai or not wanting to see him. Richard wanted to be his son again, he wanted to look at him, talk to him, touch him, laugh with him, but he physically couldn't. It was just like down there where they were kept apart, not able to see each other or talk most of the time and it hurt, it hurt so much. Richard felt alone no matter what his father said and he shook more when he heard his father moving. He wanted out, away from here, as far away as possible, but he knew it would kill him to b alone and Nayantai too. "Mm-mm....", Richard voiced, it wasn't Nayantais fault it never had been. How many times did he have to tell him? He didn't want to believe that anyone other than Aramis was at fault, he didn't want to hate his father. Richards head started spinning and his whole body felt ice cold as the steps of his father came closer and closer. He flinched when he suddenly felt something touching him and only afterwards figured out that it was a blanket. Nayantai wanted to help and Richard wanted it to work, but his body resented this and froze stiff. He only looked up when he heard something be pushed over the floor and he looked at the necklace he was presented with. "N-no...", Richard refused shaking his head. "You need it... you need dad... I... I want you to get better..." Richard tried looking up from the necklace and into his dads face, hoping that he could simply do that, but no. Instead he crawled backwards, his panting grew more apparent and he felt himself fall into a deep hole with no coming out of. Seeing his fathers face up close let him lose control of his breathing and his whole body was shaking. He pressed his eyes shut and held himself up with one hand, while the other was clenching his chest. He felt like a wild animal driven into a corner - no way of escape and he couldn't even bring himself to get up and run towards the door. He couldn't move, nor could he breath.

    • He thought that maybe, just maybe, this would change things, but it didn’t it never would and Nayantai himself knew that it was time to stop being silly, that a bunch of well-meant gestures only hurt Richard and looking at him like that, he grew to resent himself, for all he’d done, for all the things he’d spoken of before and he was glad, just this once, that he hadn’t said he’d go home with Richard - this was impossible. Looking at his own son wrecked him with guilt, on more than the other, and watching out for them wasn’t something he could do, not like this. He was supposed to get better, but for some reason, Nayantai didn’t think Richard would like seeing him either way, looking at him like that, shying away like a scared animal - this wasn’t something he could fix, this was something he’d done and it had become so abundantly and painfully clear that he couldn’t do anything for anyone. Dayan was right to wish him dead, an useless monster like him, and he also knew that those assumptions weren’t made up, out of thin air. Hugging Richard, forcing physical touch onto him, it’d just make everything worse and Nayantai was the one to blame for never doing anything, for not trying his best but only what he could do - he was as good as useless, a tool, that was true, too.

      Soon enough, he shied away and disregarded Rains necklace that he’d put on the floor for Richard to pick up, and for a moment, he thought about reaching out for him, but he didn’t, couldn’t even if he just wanted a hug. “It’s … it’s fine. Keep it … I … I wanted to help, but I’m no good.”, he spoke and looked away, before backing off himself, giving Richard some space and air to breathe, even if he currently wasn’t doing so well, crouched beneath a desk. Nayantai didn’t want a reaction like this from his own kids - it wouldn’t even be enjoyable, where it to come from an enemy, but this was so, so much worse and Nayantai loathed himself. If only he could take all of the pain from Richard, he would, no questions asked. “I’ll … leave now …”, he told Richard, before backing off and hurriedly looking for a spot in a safe distance where Richard couldn’t and wouldn’t see him, which appeared to be the nook where the bed met the nightstand, on the opposite side of the one that his son sat, so he couldn’t see him when his father crouched, just sat there and watched as he couldn’t do anything. “I … I’m sorry … I just thought … it might help, but I can’t … I can’t do anything right.”, he blurted out, covering his eyes with his hands, making himself smaller and smaller in his own corner. “Dayan is right. I’m not worth your time, I’m sorry, Richard. You can keep your fathers necklace and blanket, I think you need it more than I do.” Maybe Richard would get better in his stead, Nayantai had apologized, so it was okay for him to give up, right? Nobody would miss him anyway, they all wished him dead - but it was fine, maybe he’d get to see Rain again, if only for a bit, but he didn’t even deserve that. “You don’t have to keep coming here if it hurts you. I like seeing you, but … if … I just … all I ever do is hurt you. I don’t want that.”, the old wolf mumbled, more to himself than anyone else. Richard had done nothing to deserve this, not once in his life.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard didn't really hear what his father was saying anymore, his ears were ringing, his head spinning and his vision got blurry. He struggled to breath and didn't even notice when Nayantai backed off, nor did he notice that he was safe, at his real home in Myriad in the castle and not in Olettes prison. At this moment however that wasn't his reality, he was back there waiting to be punished for simply existing, waiting to be formed like a dog that Aramis wanted to make of him. He was scared, incredibly so, he didn't want this anymore, he didn't want any more pain, his body was hurting as it was, what could he do to make it stop? Crawl before Aramis feet, beg him to not send him back to his father, to all the pain? Choose him over everyone else? In his current state Richard didn't even realize that Aramis was dead, he didn't realize that he was never able to hurt him or anyone else again, yet he constantly did from his grave. Richard sought refuge at his corner and he tried to hide there even more when he heard heavy footsteps.

      The guard that was entering didn't mean Richard any harm, he just was sent to accompany him back to his room, but what he found was a prince he remembered being so much happier as a child. He wanted to help him, bring him out of here and so he walked towards him to lend him a hand, but the prince just screamed at him, begging for help. It needed two guards to drag him out of his corner and down the hallway. The blonde struggled, for him being dragged back into Nayantais cell was reality and he fought with all the might his broken body had left. He begged them to stop when they brought him into his room, all the calming words did nothing and once they lay him down he jumped up to flee - to no avail. They pressed him back down and called for a maid, hoping that a women would be able to calm him down, but Richard didn't stop struggling and crying to the point he probably hurt himself while he struggled to get free of those hands touching him. The voices telling him that he was safe, that they only wanted to help and that he needed to calm down didn't reach him and the girl hastily left again to find a doctor and the princes brother. It took only minutes until a new face showed up, once again telling Richard to calm down and when all of that still did nothing he forced something to the blondes lips, making him drink a bitter substance. Any strength he had left his body, he stopped struggling, but he wasn't less scared when everything turned blurry.

      Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 1 mal editiert, zuletzt von Earinor ()

    • Five minutes of peave. Five. Dayan wanted nothing else and he actually wanted nothing more than to spend them with Lucien. He’d coerced the redhead into his lap, was cuddling with him while he’d long since started ignoring his work - he as cuddling with Lucien, for a moment of peace in his godforsaken life, and hoped that it’d stay that way. Being selfish came with a price however, and Dayan wasn’t ready to pay it yet, didn’t want to even if he should - he wallowed in silence and he wondered why his entire world came crashing down on him right about now; saving both his brother and his father was the right thing, but the closer he tried to get, he worse he did himself. “Maybe you were right …”, he mumbled into Luciens clothes, hiding his face in it, not wanting to see any more stupid words on stupid pieces of paper, but that wasn’t the problem, Richard and Nayantai were. “… we should send them away after all?”, he then questioned, though, this wasn’t going to go anywhere, Dayan was tired enough at this point. Exhausted from paperwork, from wrecking his brain over the logistics of it all - it would’ve been better to just lock both of them out of Adrestia forever, they’d be fine, then!

      He could doze off like this, clinging to Lucien and spending the rest of his day here, but suddenly it got loud - what in the world was going on? There was some screaming, pleas for whatever that Dayan couldn’t make out, and there was kicking and crying; and it was very clearly Richards voice. “I’ll lop my fathers head off if he did anything, I can’t catch a fucking break.”, he suddenly hissed, realizing the situation he was in - seemingly - and took his hands off of Lucien, whom he shoved off of his lap before standing up. He’d taken off his gloves earlier and didn’t care much for them anymore, his hands looked horrid either way, and he could stand to touch a few dirty doorknobs and strike down a failure of a man. “I’m going, if you want to, you can come with me.”, he sighed in Luciens general direction. However, when he slipped out of the room, he didn’t find his lunatic of a father, he just heard his little brother - calling out from his room for all Dayan could make out - and then it suddenly stopped. What in the world was going on here? If he could be too late, then he was right now, but he still wasted no time to close the gap between him and his brothers room, only to find two guards, a maid and a doctor standing there and Richard passed out in his bed. “What on earth did you do!?”, he yelled at them, without even caring if his brother did actually hear him. “Your Highness, your brother, he-“, one of the guards spouted, but Dayan only grumbled and didn’t look at the guard once - no, he looked at the doctor instead, who locked eyes with his king, and said king grabbed him by the hem of his shirt. “What did you do?”, he asked again, and one of the guards reached out to him. “Your Highness, he onl-“ “Don’t touch me! Get out of my sight!”, he snarled, focusing his attention back on the doctor, who tried his earnest to calm him down and make him let go, which he begrudgingly did, just before he explained the situation. That didn’t help Dayan, though - it just meant that they couldn’t leave those two alone with one another. “Alright, I’ll keep an eye on him … you can leave. I’ll let you know when he wakes up, and now get out of my sight.”, Dayan eventually agreed and sat down on the edge of Richards bed. This felt like the final nail in the coffin - he couldn’t keep him and his father here, and he had to pick which one he’d throw out first; and right now, maybe it was more plausible to part ways with Richard. Both of them looked and behaved horrid, but … maybe, if he just tried to fix what could be fixed. “Lucien, we should write my aunt … no, we should write Shuren a letter. Can you do me a favor and make some time for that later? I’ll keep an eye out for Richard for now.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Lucien cuddled with his fiancée diligently, enjoying the strokes on has back while he himself had his hands wrapped around Dayan. He warmed his nose at his neck and kept him away from that stupid paperwork that just made him angry everytime. Lucien could just do it for him later as he always did, even though it meant putting the wedding planning on hold for a bit. Dayan was in a foul mood since he got back his family and Lucien wondered what family was even good for, he certainly didn't miss his own father, or his brother. He'd say so if asked, but not to Dayan, who knew that Lucien had only eyes for him and him alone. "There there...", Lucien whispered patting Dayans head to give him some comfort. "You know that they can't stay here forever anyway." That they couldn't, not when Ares and a lot of other nobles wanted their heads. It was Luciens doing, somehow, but he excused it by looking at Dayan and noticing that he was better off without them. He didn't say more than that, instead he started to hum for Dayan, some song he didn't know where it came from.

      They sat there for a while until there suddenly was screaming and yelling. Lucien was put back on the ground leaving him pouting a little. He sighed too, then followed the king out of his study and towards the noise, albeit giving himself some more time, not rushing at all. When he arrived at the door way Dayan was busy yelling at the doctor while Lucien stepped in to smell on the little empty cup he supposedly used on Dayans brother. Lucien should have felt pity for Richard, he went through similar things, but he didn't. He simply looked at the situation thinking about everything that he could maybe use it for. He sat the cup aside again and walked towards Dayan with a smile, then he put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down as he looked at his passed out brother. "You're doing the right thing.", he assured him. "He needs some time apart from Nayantai and he knows the people in Silesse more than the ones with your aunt." Lucien softly stroked through Dayans hair. "I'll prepare everything and make sure Shuren keeps him save and he'll keep us posted." Lucien had known that Dayans brother was in Silesse, but it was Shuren that wrote to them first. He found out that Richards brother was still alive and he wrote them after Richard already left. Some letters back and forth happened and he seemed to want to make sure Nayantai and Richard were fine - Lucien was able to read between the lines though, but he didn't think that it was important to Dayan that he probably just wanted to save his own butt. Lucien also had spies in Silesse, nothing many people could say about themselves, but he did and he could guess Shurens real intentions who noticed the shift of power in Gaia and wanted to come out on the right side. Either way, it wasn't important right now as long as Richard left.

    • They had made their decision and Dayan could only agree with Lucien had been proposing almost every single day since they arrived here - and Dayan would be lying if he didn't anticipate some silence in his life. If anything, he'd come to realize that he didn't need anyone, not for now anyway, and that all that his brother and father were doing was rob him of what little nerves he still had; there was no way of knowing how long they'd stay, or how long it would be until one of them got better, but they had to seperate them, keep them apart from one another where one of them couldn't even find whatever made them go haywire. Nayantai was worse and Richard didn't seem like he was all that sound either, but Dayan was the one that had to make the decisions. After Lucien got in contact with Shuren, Dayan just agreed to make a decision and while he'd much prefered to keep his younger brother, Lucien suggested that maybe, it would be better for Richard to leave - and Dayan agreed eventually, sparing his brother few visits from the incident to his departure, but when he made time for him, he always stayed as long as he could, and made sure to not bring his beloved with him, as if he feared that maybe, Lucien would set Richard off, too.

      Eventually, playing pretend became boring, though, and Dayan opened his mouth - had to tell Richard that he was leaving, despite not mentioning a crucial detail: He'd be going alone, whatever he liked it or not, and he'd better not show his face around these parts anytime soon. Richard didn't need to know that, Shuren assured them he'd keep the kings little brother in-check, asking for measly compensation in return, only upon being offered - it all seemed weird to him, but Lucien apparently wasn't flinching when he forged his signature for yet another piece of paper. He'd gotten quite good at that, and there hardly was any difference. But today was the day of days, as one might say, and Dayan still grumbled as he got out of bed - he wanted to see his brother off, say his goodbyes, but Lucien could have the bed to himself for all he cared, he'd just come back later and pick up the graveyard-shift for cuddling, or something. Whatever the case, he eventually made his way to Richards room, knocking softly, before making his way inside, to find his brother already awake, though, he wasn't sure how well he was faring. "Need any help?", he asked. To his knowledge, Richard and Nayantai hadn't spoken once since then, but Dayan spoke with both of them - one conversation went well, the other didn't, and it all contributed to him feeling somewhat annoyed at different parts of the day. Who knew if they chatted behind his back? It seemed largely impossible, though. "I came to see you off. Do you want to say goodbye to dad, too?", he suddenly sprung on Richard - and he hoped that his brother wasn't expecting to be sent off with his old man in the first place.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Rihard hated himself for what had happened when he woke up. He hated that he hurt Nayantai again and that he couldn't look at his father without having a full fletched panic attack. Nayantai had done better only for Richard to ruin it all and on top of that his brother hated him for so many good reasons too. Richard didn't feel like talking, nor did he feel like eating. It didn't matter how annoying Dayan was and sometimes his visits ended up with Richard simply crying to no end. Richard was tired but he couldn't sleep. The day his siblings died got muddled up with what happened in Olette and even Yujin found his way into his nightmares sometimes. He didn't have one single dream that hadn't been gruesome and he only found rest when the doctor gave him something that made him sleep. Eventually his brother told Richard what he had expected before. That he'd send him away, because there was no need for a broken piece of family, one that didn't even speak to him anymore and only reacted with disgruntled noises when Dayan talked about his fiancée or his wars. Richard was a failure, he disappointed his brother and he couldn't even be happy for him.

      Richard barely moved ever even though Dayan tried to bring him outside. He struggled when he tried to carry him, he just didn't want to go anywhere. His brother told him about Nayantai sometimes and Richard wanted to see him, but he knew he could only make him worse, yet he anticipated the day of departure if only for the fact that he might have gotten a glimpse on him. The wounds all around Richards body still hurt, but they had been tended to down there as well, nothing was infected. He grew thinner every day though, looking more and more like his late father who barely ever gained any weight. As Dayan opened the door on this morning Richard turned his back to him, he didn't want to face him. Someone helped him into some clothes before, only his shoes were next to the bed. He only reacted when Dayan mentioned their father, he even slowly sat up. "Dad...? What do you...?" Richard bit his lower lip questioning why he ever thought that Nayantai would come with him. He didn't talk to him either, but he always knew he was close, that sometimes had been comforting and sometimes not, but being all alone scared Richard even more. But what now? Would Nayantai even want to see Richard or would it make everything even worse? Right... he was sure that he wasn't of any use to anyone anymore and he wondered why Dayan didn't just simply throw him into the ocean. He didn't say it out loud however, instead he shook his head. "Don't hurt him... please...", he said though, seemingly not trusting his brother in that regard.