bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

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    • "That's not a very fitting answer for something that's well-meant", but at least it worked to a differing degree. Yujin was, for some reason, inherently obsessed with the idea of making everyone around him all smiles and giggles, much like his father seemingly was obsessed with ruining everyone he came across if they only granted him as much as a disapproving glance. There were many things he failed to understand, something that became quite clear when he was out here, all alone with someone as free as a bird, yet locked up in an icy cage for his own good - Richard had seen and felt, as to where Yujin hadn't and instead, he was trying to mend the cracks and gaps by doing some stupid things, by falling for the wrong people and cheating on the right ones - or was it the other way around from the start anyway? "See, and then we can both agree on something!", the wolf suddenly chuckled, as if being unsure whatever or not his own siblings were trustworthy was a good way to questiont things, to sort through them, sift them out - but in the end, nothing would come of that and he knew that himself - he had to be honest, now that he at least had gotten the blonde to share some of his apparent secrets with him. In reality, Yujin was much happier to be with Richard anyway. "That makes me sound like more of a whore than I really am!" It did, but it was the truth - Richard had agreed to not sleep with anyone else, to just be Yujins and the wolf did ... well, he hadn't fucked anyone else since their agreement, or had he? "You are making yourself sound pretty housewife-y, though! I don't have any housewife qualities, just like you said - I can't cook and I can't brew tea!" Unless a servant did prepare most of it in advance that was and for some reason, that sounded even sadder than it had before - wow, he really was nothing but a bad example for a conceited, entitled, princely brat that had never faced any hardships in that dear life of his, had he now? It almost made the wolf gag as he cuddled up to Richard to try and hide that face of his in the blondes chest - which only worked slightly well. "Silesse. We have silessian wolves though, and I'd recommend you to not mess with them", he mumbled against the patch of skin he was pressing his face and probably cold nose against.

      This wasn't wrong, silessian wolves were overgrown and would probably only grow larger if all of this went on - and at some point, who knew if they'd just not be fed up with all of the human bullshit in their land and actually give human meat a try? "No, I mean, I rarely see anyone with an actual dog. Sometimes they drag in wolves, whatever kind, but they just like them, I don't know, sturdy?", Yujin tried to elaborate - as if dogs from Adrestia couldn't withstand a bit of nagging, freezing death to begin with. Where would that even lead, though? To hell and back, as it seemed. "I won't forget, stop assuming I forget everything!" His voice sounded as if he was complaining and if Richard could see, Yujin was, indeed, puffing his cheeks like a toddler that was not aware of the fact that he had a memory problem and hated being reminded of the fact. "And meanwhile there's us and our whole, how about we burn you if your partner dies-thing." Both realities seemed like they were harsh and yet, who knew, maybe this was a baseless infatuation, maybe he was just pawing and griping at things he didn't really have and trying to uphold something that seemed easier than it was by far - Richard was a though nut to crack to begin with. "Oh, those talismans? They ought to look good if you can carve ... which I probably should work on." Yin hadn't gotten one from him yet, for quite the obvious reasons - Yujin couldn't do shit, could he now? What was he even good for? He liked reading and accumulating knowledge, but someone had put a nail into that coffin when they decided to bash his still-ringing head in. "Don't say that! And even if you do, if you need someone that's miserable with you while you decide to marry nobody, I'm here, you know?" Even if that wasn't possible from a logistical standpoint, Yujin would do his earnest to appeal to Richard and something he labelled as the blondes needs anyway. Was it worth it, though? "The fact that you're acting incredibly illogical but if I tell you that, you'll get mad because you are saying you aren't.", he confessed instead, before biting a spot on Richards chest - they should go back to where they left off, even if some tender moments sounded nice. "You do! And ... no, try harder, if I did that I'd probably still be busy, sooo ... I mean, I'm not always the one sucking people off?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I'm just not the comforting type...", Richard answered and it was true. Maybe he had been at some point, but not since he was in Silesse. Yujin knew a different Richard and it was the only Richard he knew, talking about who he had been was to no use, because he wouldn't go back to being his old self anyway. "It's still fine to be out here, somewhere you shouldn't be, right?", Richard asked Yujin who claimed he wasn't sad about any of that, yet didn't he ask Richard if he could take him to Adrestia? He wouldn't though, he couldn't. He didn't want to put Yujin into harms way, but he already tiptoed on a certain line he shouldn't cross. He got to attached and Yujin was heads over heels already too. "You think? Judging by the stuff you told me I think it fits.", he then said. Yujin was seemingly fucking left and right with no care in the world and Richard didn't care about it either. As long as the wolf had someone else to obsess over once Richard left, everything was fine. Then Richard grumbled. "You're also not very good at hard labour... and sometimes you don't have a fucking clue about anything. At least I can defend us, so you're the housewife.", he argued convinced. Yujin never trained, he probably didn't even own a weapon, so he was the one waiting at home for Richard to get rid of any danger, right? "Doesn't anyone of you want a pet sometimes?", Richard asked, he didn't understand all this. No cats, no dogs, all they had were some horses and maybe cattle.

      Richard somehow would have liked a pet he could cuddle at night when he felt lonely, but out here this was a stupid thought to begin with probably. Maybe he'd just try with his plants... in the end he couldn't let go of his previous life. "Then prove me wrong.", Richard then said. Yujin forgot so many things, even things that etched themselves into Richards brain, like moments of their first night together, yet the prince was clueless. It was very sad, it made Richard feel unimportant to Yujin, then again he didn't want a boyfriend anyway, so actually he shouldn't care. Why was Richard holding Yujin a little bit tighter then though? "That's still cruel.", Richard commented Thrian traditions and he wouldn't change his mind about it. If losing his father would have meant losing both, he'd not only be dead but if he wasn't, he might as well be. In the end he didn't want to lose Nayantai, even though their relationship suffered a lot since the attack. "Can't you just buy them?", Richard wanted to know about the talisman, then again money was something new here. Nayantai kept the one Rain just had lying around too, his father didn't carve anything. Though Caelan made Rikiya one if he remembered correctly where that old thing came from. "You should find someone else to marry. I'm good on my own.", Richard answered, not even considering some form of stupid pact with Yujin. He would die and even if he didn't, he was no one he wanted anyone to have to put up with. "Because I am not, maybe you just don't have the whole picture.", Richard pouted, then sighed. He couldn't tell Yujin about his plan and if he was honest, he should have never gone on a trip with him. He should have never held him like he did now. The bite made him flinch but it didn't help his mood. "You know what I mean and it's true."

    • "I noticed that, but it's really nothing to be worried about. We're all different anyway." Richard knew that, Yujin thought he would and even on the off-chance that he didn't, the wolf was almost convinced he'd figure it out eventually. In reality, none of all this mattered and the mere realisation that something would - eventually at least - be happening to either of them was a realization that even Yujin wanted to approach slowly, as he wasted his thoughts on fivehundred different things before he actually did. "Yes, as long as you are around, I feel safe either way", he confirmed. This didn't have to be goodbye, much like last time and the ire of this situation would, eventually, not be cast on either of them, he knew as much. The only thing that remained was coming to terms with promises they'd made what felt like ages ago and realizing that thankfully, Yujin was merely able to recall half of them, even if only by chance and bullshitting some of the more obvious answers - he almost felt bad for being unable to give Richard something that he truly asked for and as silly as he had made it sound, it still was the unparalleled truth that he had to live with. "I can't be a whore and your housewife, pick one, then! And I'll have you know I'm quite knowledgable!", he grumbled, sticking his tongue out at the blonde like a little kid that had just gotten offended by the simplest of things - Yujin, though, wasn't exactly offended, he just felt as if the blonde was making a fool of him and for the lack of a better explanation, he was fairly certain that he disliked that. "A pet? Why would anyone of us keep a pet? We have cattle and the people that have an urge to actually keep a pet, well, they do get themselves something. But it's still just a barely tamed animal."

      None of the thrians he knew gave quite the damn about raising something either. Yujin had no cat, even if Muhan had told him that somebody had gifted one to Shuren once and it's slick, oily looking black fur and sort of bright, yellow-green eyes were all that anyone talked about in the castle of ice for weeks, until it eventually passed on, unable to survive one of the coldest nights out here. It only followed that, no matter what, he'd eventually free himself from quite the pickle he found himself in and maybe, he'd ask for a similar cat, just to spite Richard. "How? What do you want to hear? I still remember you shoving me off the damn bed!", he insisted, but that was something that he wasn't letting go off and Yujin was sure that Richard himself also would forever be remembered of something so insignificant - his leg had hurt after that, yet, it was nothing of importance either way, too. "It's not a mandatory custom anymore, but I mean, I kind of understand it. Mixing your ashes with those of your partner sounds somewhat romantic, but also heartwrenching", the wolf crooned. A fitting, tragic end for those who had no way out of their own misery and yet, it rarely applied to anyone. Yujin was left wondering where it'd lead him, why it was dragging him someplace and for how long he'd be stuck in this limbo, but it was enough for him to pull Richard closer, unwilling to let go of him or letting the cold seep into his body. "Theoretically yes, but that's not really romantic. It's supposed to be something that stems from your heart and emotions." However, wasn't it quite clear that none of this was particularly interesting to either of them? "As if! I don't even need to marry you, just keeping you company is fine - you'll get terribly lonely." His assumptions were as such at least, but there was nothing he could do about being declined his inexistant offer for his hand in marriage being declined, so he didn't dwell on it. "I don't? Then fill me in ... and by the gods, are you jealous that I'm not exclusively sucking yours or what?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "You still don't have to say it like that!", Richard complained. Sure he did just admit himself that he sucked at comforting people, but that didn't mean Yujin had to agree! What a jerk. "Don't say that either. I'm sure there are other people to make you feel safe. I guess not Quan, but whatever...", Richard mumbled. Why did Yujin always have to say such flattering things while he also talked like Richard was so strong. Well the blonde hoped he was, but he also knew that he couldn't challenge Nayantai just yet and that he probably should ask Yujins dad to train with him if he truly wanted to stand a chance against Nayantai. "Why would I pick one? You can't be my whore and whatever is the equivalent of a housewife either! Tell me then where you are knowledgeable.", Richard demanded. Was Yujin even able to learn new things with his fucked up brain? Well Richard didn't want to ask, he'd just make the wolf mad. "Why would someone keep a pet? Because pets are... you know!", Richard answered, but stopped himself from saying anything that made him sound like a fucking girl. "People say dogs are a persons best friend for a reason!"

      Richards grandfather has kept a dog, both of them loved it very much, though Rikiya probably more than Caelan who had to kind of live with the fact that the dog sometimes got more attention than him. Either way, Richard liked cuddling with it and he took it for walks all the time. Sure out here it was damn cold, but if humans could survive here then there should also be some breed that could. "You fell off the bed, as much as you fell off that cliff!", Richard grumbled. Of course Yujin would remember that of all things, but Richard just gave him a tiny shove, it wasn't his fault Yujin was prone to fall down somewhere! "I'd be alone if Nayantai did that.", Richard grumbled even more. He didn't understand that custom. It was stupid and it was good most people didn't do any of that anymore. "Actually Nayantai would have been dead years ago if he'd care about that. Maybe the war would still be going on then..." Richard knew about Nayantais first wife and that she died, but he never wanted to follow her, right? While Richard was still grumbling he was pulled closer towards Yujin, as if the wolf searched for comfort himself. It soothed Richard as well a little bit, even though he hated to admit it. "Well if it looks like shit, wouldn't you rather wear something that doesn't?", Richard asked. The wolves had so many customs that didn't make sense to him. He couldn't imagine every husband crafting a ring for his beloved on his own! Some people were just crap at doing something like carving. No need to embarrass them with it. "Lonely? I like being lonely.", Richard answered. He did send Yujin away every time so he had time for himself after all. Having the wolf around him all the damn time sounded awful, even if the moments together could be quite nice. "It's none of your business though.", Richard grumbled, after all he couldn't tell him how his plans for the future truly looked like. "And no, I am not jealous. I just find it very odd to blow someone in front of others."

    • “If I’m not honest you’ll be mad at me anyway!” Yujin wasn’t one to talk back usually, he made friendly banter out of it, but Richard also was someone that seemingly was hellbent on winning an argument - and unfortunately for him, the wolf was far from being the bigger person in a situation like that. Was that a shame? Probably, but did it matter? Most likely not. “There are none. Except you, that is.” If Yujin knew, he’d call what he’d just assumed and said meaningless, solely for the fact that none of this was of any worth to the blonde - to the person who didn’t want any attachment to this situation or him, or seemingly this cold, empty shithole of a country. “Why can’t I be your housewife? You just argued earlier that I’d be the housewife! And … what do you even want to know? I’m not going to talk about all of the 173 gods that we have! That’s just ridiculous!” Ridiculous information he kind of had committed to memory - something that seemed always devilishly odd, but not only that, his head worked just fine in the oddest of instances while, during other points, it didn’t and just tore itself to shreds, trying to remember the littlest of detail that it thought to have committed, yet it hadn’t. “I know what? I never had a pet, my dad apparently had a cat but that’s it!” It seemed about as friendly as bim, so that had fit him very well. “What people? Thrians don’t say that!”

      Thrians, silessian thrians, had no dogs and no one to make silly things like that up with. Yujin would have, very much, liked to see a dog or whatever Richard had just called it, but there was no way to get one here and not have it freeze to death within the hour of its arrival. “You gave me a little nudge both times, you had your hands in that!” Yujin also knew that it was mainly his fault, yet he was too stuck-up in that case to shift the entire blame onto himself, which kind of made him laugh about it in the first place. If anything, it was a horribly silly game to play - and they both weren’t any better than that anyway! “Traditions are traditions and nobody is asking anybody to uphold them, or at least they are preserving them to scare the headlights out of people like us that have no idea how it was before we were born.” Him and Richard weren’t even bad, but someone like their children would probably just wonder what on earth a ritual like that was going to do for anyone involved. It seemed silly and it probably was, as much as they loathed it, though, it had still been exacted for years on end for no apparent reason either way. “No, I’d just wear what I’d be given. It doesn’t have to be expensive or be a masterpiece - beauty lies in the eye of the beholder anyway and in the end, it’s the gesture that counts.” Yujin didn’t think he’d receive a necklace like that from anyone either way — unless Yin were to hand him one and declare her eternal love for him, which he really wasn’t asking for, especially when he was nuzzling with Richard and had no plans on stopping anytime soon. This was as nice as it could be, Yujin wanted more of that, but he couldn’t do much besides burying his face in Richard neck. “And what if you stop being lonely? I can’t be there for you forever, unless I stick to being lonely myself.” That, however, meant that he’d have to hope someone would be as kind as to not direct his ire towards him and that Richard would have to stick around - something that Yujin doubted he’d be able to manage. “That didn’t stop you from showing me eventually the last time you said that.” And that wasn’t even wrong - Richards throat was fine too, despite the scar and Yujin nagging about it almost constantly. “It happened ONCE and you’re just shy! My mouth is good enough for you when it’s just the two of us too!”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "You're exaggerating again... I'm not some angel sent from heaven, nor am I a knight in shining armor. I'm none of that and I'm sure there have to be other people that make you feel safe...", Richard mumbled. Yujin was so obsessed with him, ignoring it got harder and harder, but at the same time he didn't want to remain in Silesse completely without him. If he'd entertain Yujins crush on him and simply walked away when he was ready to return back home there was not much harm done, or was there? He'd forget, that was the good thing about it all. Leading him on was no problem when he didn't even remember Richards face in about a year, or was he making this far too easy for himself? He didn't know how egoistic he was, or how egoistic he could be without hurting Yujin in the long run. He didn't want that. "You just argued I'd have to pick if you are a whore or a housewife!", Richard replied grumbling, but Yujin could not be his housewife when Richard didn't intend on staying anyway. "Not that kind of knowledge. That isn't useful, do you know anything worthwhile?", Richard scuffed. Din't he say something about medicine? Well Richard could patch someone up too... "So cats can live here!", Richard concluded, then sighed. "Then Thrians miss out on things!"

      "Maybe you shouldn't have stood at the edge in the first place...", Richard grumbled, he didn't mean for Yujin to fall down, nor did he mean for himself to fall after him. That had been very stupid and they both were lucky they were still alive. "Very romantic...", Richard sighed sarcastically and thought about his father. There was no way he carved something for Nayantai, but that didn't mean he didn't love him. "If someone would just chop of his fingers trying, I rather have him buy something." Not that he meant Yujin with that, or anyone specific really, but his father had been fine with getting Nayantai an old one without even knowing what it meant too... Given, it sounded kind of stupid, but Richard wanted to think of his fathers relationship as perfect. Richard became goosebumps when Yujin nuzzled even closer and he felt his skin at his neck. At least it was the good not ruined side. "What do you even mean by that?", he asked Yujin. The whole point of their arrangement was to make sure that Yujin wouldn't be lonely in the end. "There are secrets I will keep...", Richard mumbled. He couldn't tell him, Yujin would just try to stop Richard. The blondes cheeks turned a little bit red too and he clicked his tongue. "That has nothing t do with it..."

    • "Maybe, but I like being by your side regardless, you know? It makes me feel like, if anyone understands me, it might as well be you of all people." Wasn't he grasping at too many straws, though? Quan, Kun and Jia understood him, but those weren't the only people to do so either - he just felt as if he had some sort of connection with someone like Richard and while he might have been too eager to prove that to both of them, he didn't even know how hard he fell and how bloody he theoretically should be from doing so, face first, onto ice, frozen solid for the past hundred years. "And you picked neither, so I assumed you'd want me to be a housewife since you argued I'd be one before that!" But was he? Richard was probably the better housewife of the two if Yujin couldn't even brew some damn tea for all that was worth. Wouldn't he do better as a whore then? This was stupid, he would and it made absolutely no sense for him - he didn't even want to be one, and if he were one for Richard, he would be something more like a lover than a whore - why was all of this so stupidly confusing in the first place? It was absolutely fucking unneccessary to think about it in any way in the first place. "Plants, medicine, poison, trap construction, the north star, that kind of stuff?", he asked. Well, he did know a bit of stuff regarding that, but none of that came from books, at least not mainly! "Thrians have wolves! And also you can't sustain cats here!"

      Dogs were easier, but being on the constant hunt for meat and then sharing some of it with a kitten couldn't be what one would want - and what if they got cold? They wouldn't just accept some clothes and besides, getting some made for them was a pain in the ass as well! "What? Do you really think that it matters? Richard, it's a goddamn custom and supposed to make you proud of your own work and encompass your feelings towards someone else - why on earth would someone that isn't you be able to capture that exactly the way you want it?", Yujin grumbled. He might believe in the gods and some of their customs, but in reality, he didn't even get why anyone wouldn't want to carve a necklace for their beloved - it seemed odd in a sense, but not only that, it also sounded like an absolute hassle. "That's not how that works either, you aren't going to chop off anything. Cutting yourself does happen, but that's nothing major." Besides, the charm was small and they made them for a few occasions as well - it wasn't all about love in the first place, yet, somehow it sounded stupid enough to think that Richard didn't want him to carve one. Yujin wasn't even out to do that. "Well, what if you no longer feel like being lonely and want someone? What are you going to do? Try and find someone else that indulges you? You know that you're kind of out of luck for that, right?" Nobody would take Richards bullshit for too long, well, as long as that nobody wasn't called Yujin, who seemingly enjoyed cuddling up to Richard and holding onto him. Factually, he was wrapping his arms around the blonde. "Then keep them.", he answered instead of prying once more and asking about things he wouldn't be allowed to know. "Then what is it? You can't tell me you don't want others to see your dick - you weren't even against fucking around with Quan and that didn't take much persuasion at all! ... And besides, I don't think there's anything to be a- ... nevermind."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Do you really think I understand you?", Richard asked. Maybe he did better than anyone, or maybe he was just more assertive. After all he suggested going out here and doing something stupid, but not necessarily because he understood Yujin, it was more wanting to get him out of here a bit, to defy Yujins father who locked him up effectively and to be maybe a rebel of some sorts. He probably did all that because of personal reasons, because he felt locked up himself here. Nayantai wouldn't let him go either. He did that for a completely different reason probably, but at least Richard felt like Yujin and him were alike in that regard and he - for some reason - wanted him to be as mad about it as he himself was. It was almost like Yujin ran straight into his dimise and Richard simply let him. He never intended for any of this to happen. "As long as you don't claim I'm the housewife...", Richard grumbled, that was what the discussion previously was about, right? "Yeah that kind of stuff sounds way more useful!", Richard pointed out and wasn't sure if that list of things truly included things Yujin knew about. "Silesse sucks, but that is nothing new..."

      "Do you really think that someone who's bad at carving could make that thing look like he wants to?", Richard asked, but the discussion was fruitless either way. He didn't care about any of that and he would never give or receive a stupid Thrian talisman. Even if Yujin was as stupid to bring him one before Richard left, he wouldn't accept it. "Some people are very very clumsy... I'm sure you'd stab yourself while trying to create something...", Richard answered. He wasn't sure why Yujin still pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around the half-wolf like that. "What's that supposed to mean?!", Richard hissed at Yujin. Did he say no one liked him anyway? Well even if, he didn't care. "I'll die before I decide I don't want to be lonely anymore..." That was the truth. If everything turned out as Richard thought it would, he'd not even grow to be twenty, maybe not even nineteen. "I left the room with Quan too!", Richard grumbled. "And there you said no one liked me anyway..." If he just didn't want to be lonely, someone horny as Quan would be enough. "I'm not ashamed. I just don't want random people to see me... well in a situation like that..." Wasn't everyone looking like a mess then and wasn't everyone kind of vulnerable? Well maybe not wolves...

    • "Do you think you don't understand me?" Yujin turned the question around, not to annoy Richard, but because he found himself generally curious about it. "You do, kind of better than most of the people I know and I'm not sure if that's sad or if I'm relieved that I did find someone who gets me." Someone who didn't constantly ask him and expect him to remember everything and someone that was prone to drag him out here, despite anyones wishes, and just let him enjoy himself. Yujin was no good, in no regard, and the dreaded feeling of eventually being left alone - whatever it was to die or to just lose himself to madness - was nobodies business either way. Richard was here for now, as well as he was, and there was nothing to worry about - nobody was coming after them and they weren't out here for the long run either way, even if he wasn't sure about wanting to stay awake a little while longer. Why would he? Who knew. "So you're fine with me being your housewife?", he chuckled. Wow, that had been easy, but wasn't that just to get him off of Richards case? What a charmer he was, really - but Yujin didn't mind, at least they had set some sort of ... roles, right? "I mean, it is, but I don't know what you'd want with all of that. I could teach you how to brew a remedy or two, and some poison, granted we find the right plants? Then again, why would you need that?" Yujin didn't, either - he learned it, just in case. "Wasn't your father born here?"

      Whatever he knew, he could use to his advantage, but it also meant that he had to find himself at war with somebody like Richard - someone that understood, or didn't and someone that tried his earnest, but barely could. That was his takeaway from the situation, even if it also showed him that no matter what his resolve was, it could be better or worse in the first place. "Carving isn't too hard and besides, you can practice it however many times you like - nothing is set in stone." That was, what it should be. Who would give their first attempt or something they screwed up to the love of their life? Richard was ridiculous, yet, Yujin was sure that he just tried to understand a custom that he didn't necessarily get in the first place. And why? The world was something that made no sense, not to either of them and it became painfully clear that it was nothing, aside from pain, to actually live. "I'll have you know that I haven't stabbed myself once!" But also, he wasn't very good at it and the only person he'd give a talisman of sorts was Muhan, who still carried the misshapen, sad piece of wood around on a string, wrapped around either of his arms, whenever he had to go somewhere - and Yujin had been mighty proud of it as a kid, but right now, he only was very, very embarrassed by his younger self. "That people will grow tired of you if you hiss at them like a cat in a foul mood!" That wasn't that wrong, yet Yujin still cuddled with Richard and rubbed his face against his neck, just because. "Don't say it like that, that just sounds like you're planning to sink to the bottom of the ocean like that coat of yours!" Yujin still owed him a coat, right? Well, he still was missing one of his own ... where had that gone any way? "Quan likes everyone! If you're not immediately declining, he'd try to bed you in front of twenty other people!", Yujin complained. They'd looked for privacy last time, much to his own dismay, but the truth was, that was one of few exceptions that Quan made. Thankfully. "Vulnerable and exposed or something? Nobody cares, it's not like it's an open invitation to join."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I don't really know you, do I?", Richard simply answered. He assumed to know a lot about Yujin, but he also realized that a lot of that was simply made up by himself for whatever reason. maybe so he fit more to Richards wants and needs. "You don't know me either.", he added. Yujin probably thought he did, but that was probably far from the truth. There were things Richard didn't tell him, although he already told him more than enough too, but certain things would remain unspoken. "Who gets you? I'm not sure if I get anything about you.", Richard replied. Yujin was a mystery. He was odd, he kept up with Richards bullshit and he came back even when Richard literally threw him out into the cold. He rather spent his time with the blonde instead of sticking to his girlfriend he seemingly only found annoying since he knew Richard. He was odd through and through. "Only hypothetically. I don't want you living in my house.", Richard grumbled. Where was this going at anyway? "What I want to do with it? Nothing. Just as a housewife you should at least know some things. But I'd rather not taste your medicine when you can't even brew a tea..." It was probably poison too. "He was. So?"

      Richard didn't want any medicine let alone poison from Yujin, neither did he want any talisman or other present. He hated owing anything to anyone and as of now he owed Yujin payment for the soil and seeds and he still hadn't told him how much it costed. "You didn't? I'm not sure if I believe you.", Richard answered defiant only to have to listen to Yujin going on about people not liking Richard in the long run. Well wasn't that kind of what he wanted? He didn't want Yujin to like him either, but for some reason that didn't work out. "Well maybe that's just what I want. Besides, I haven't hissed at any of your friends..." Or did he? Not that he could remember. While Yujin still cuddled to him while he told Richard he was insufferable, the blonde reached out one hand to find more fabric and fur to pull over himself and Yujin. He knew Yujin didn't need that, but now that they weren't moving anymore Richard grew incredibly cold. The temperatures outside fell too with the sun slowly fading. Yujin hit the nail on the head however, but Richard couldn't tell him. "I liked that coat...", he derailed instead and grumbled. "There will be other people liking everyone, even if you don't wait for me, which you shouldn't. I'm going back to Adrestia at some point and you know that. I'm not planning on coming back." Yujin could know at least that much. "Well I care."

    • “No, nobody really does.”, he simply answered. How many people did he even play the goody-two-shoes for, and how many of them even noticed they were played like a fiddle - on accident - and their prince wasn’t who he led on? It fit with his family of snakes, though, all of which were nothing more than hellbent on getting what they wanted, whatever way they wanted it - and Yujin seemed to be one of the few that wasn’t going insane over it in the first place. Why did anyone do that, and more importantly, what would one gain from stupid rituals and obligations of days past that involved ridding oneself of all they might have ever loved? “No, I don’t know you for real, that’s true.” Wasn’t that kind of painful, still? They both were competing to see who was better at hiding away who they really were and in the end, maybe Yujins feelings just went too far because he felt safe in someones presence - someone that didn’t exist in the first place. “Do you need to get anything about me? You like me the way I am and you’d be disappointed in who I’m supposed to be.” But who was that in the first place? It felt as if Yujin had become the farce he’d put up, as if there was nothing beneath all those questionable layers and they made him his own person - without much to speak for himself. “Then we need to get our own house, that’s not just yours, then.”

      What kind of banter had this turned into? It felt sickeningly sweet and the further this would go, the more Yujin was convinced he’d hate it for not only obvious reasons but also the painful fact that that, whatever it might turn into, it was nothing good or anything he’d benefit from in the long run. “I doubt tasting medicine that’s meant to be slathered on wounds or sore spots is going to taste good. And besides, medicine never really tastes good … poison does taste different.” His mind was a mess, but there used to he times, which he almost remembered a bit too vividly, where he’d spend days cooped up with Shuren doing something - stupid research - and all of that was nothing more than a blur in the long run. “Why do you hate it so much, then?” Then again, Richard seemingly loathed his old man more than one ever could for not particular reason, at least none Yujin could spot, and therefore, it wasn’t too odd for him to hate his old mans homeland. “You want to see my fingers? There’s nothing there!” Well, nothing much anyway - the little scars on them just came from the time he tried to split open foreign food like the idiot he was! “You don’t want anyones attention, you don’t want someone to get too close to you or you don’t want friends? Either way, you’re doing an awful job, especially for a guy that doesn’t even know me.” They’d been as close as one could and they were kind of cuddling right now. Yujin, despite not freezing like Richard was, enjoyed being wrapped in fabric one more - he liked being around Richard, as much as he liked to hold him like this and do nothing but speak nonsense. On the other hand, he pressed a kiss against Richards throat. “I know another coat you like a whole lot, I’m sure.”, he chuckled. They had had a conversation about that, but that was all of that. His head kind of felt heavy anyway, and the ringing in his ears that had subsided so easily yesterday was getting on his nerves again. “And you’re also not planning on taking me with you. We had this conversation before.” Why did his dad even bring him here? Somehow, Yujin believed Richard to be more trouble than he was worth - even if he would never really allow himself to say that outloud. He definitely liked said trouble a bit too much. “But you don’t care about me fucking someone else? Are you sure you’re not going to want to claw my face off if I ever find someone that I’d want instead of you, all the while you’re still here?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Who are you supposed to be? Something your father wants? That doesn't matter, you can be whoever you want to be. You're out here although you're not supposed to be, right?" That was the whole point of their trip. Yujin once told him he never had been everywhere else and since then Richard just wanted him to be. Even if it was just five steps after the border, that didn't matter. The two of them couldn't just run off to Adrestia, not alone, although maybe it was possible with Yujin by his side to keep Richward warm but no, he didn't want him in Adrestia. What would he even do there when Richard was dead and besides, no one knew what happened outside of Silesse. Maybe another war had broken out... "It's not that I need to know more, it's just that I don't think I understand you as much as you want me to.", Richard explained. "I don't want to share a house with you either...", Richard sighed. "Besides, you have a castle, isn't that enough? Why would you live in a house, or more like a hut out here, there don't seem to be real houses anywhere." Not some made out of stone, most of the structures here were out of wood, or obviously ice, though the castle seemed the only one.

      "That's not what I meant you idiot...", Richard answered. "I meant that I don't trut your medicine, I don't care about the taste, but the tea itself almost felt like it was poison too!" It didn't seem to be his intention and he got overly worked up because of it, but Richard remembered the taste like it had been yesterday. "Why I hate Silesse? I was never here before, why would I like it only because Nayantai was born here? It's cold, it's empty, there are no plants, people keep no pets and it gets dark so darn early. On the castle grounds there was a garden with all kinds of trees, bushes and flowers. It was green almost all year round. I'm already getting sick of all that snow. Even Fhaergus has more color and more life!" Richard didn't belong in a place like this although his heart might as well have turned to ice. He wanted to go back home, not be here. Some plants he tried to grow at home wouldn't change that. "Cuts heal...", Richard mumbled and sighed yet again. Why were they even talking that much? He felt like the mood had been better before. "I don't want either of those three and it's not my fault you like me even when I break your nose." Or when he called him names, or when he threw him out on his hair. Nothing was able to keep Yujin away anyway. "Your coat might be warmer, but mine looked better..." He wanted his own back. He only had so much stuff that truly belonged to him... Richard didn't even say anything regarding Adrestia anymore. He wouldn't take Yujin there - never. "I'm sure. You already fucked your girlfriend while I was in the castle too. So what? I told you you can do whatever you want."

    • "Who?", Yujin asked, dumbfounded. That was a fundamental question, one Yujin didn't understand - well, he understood, but frankly, he didn't understand who he was, lacked an answer to an easy question and ... "Yujin of Silesse, whoever that guy is anyway. Would you rather want me to be someone else?" He didn't know Richard of Fhaergus, of Myriad, of Jehanna or whatever the hell his name ended up being, either. Yujin knew an empty husk of a person that once was, that found himself eternally stuck in the coldest fucking place on what seemed to be this continent, and he endured it because he had been born under just the right circumstances. "Yes, I guess I got swayed by someone that wanted me out here.", he admitted, but he didn't hate it. Not like this, not when he could pull Richard closer and wrap his arms around him, only to brush through patches of hair that he could find in the darkness that seeped through every corner, right into their very tent. "Would you like to understand me, then?" Wasn't that a daring proposal from someone that barely understood himself, let alone those who tried to extend their help towards him? Yujin had been an oddball, no doubt about it, but all in all he was assuming that things would work out in the long run. "Mean.", he scoffed, right into Richards throat, where he seemingly was trying to hide his face. "The castle is cold, vast and empty. Much like my head. In a sense it fits, but it's also unsettling."

      Whenever he was with Richard, almost always drugged out of his mind, he didn't have time for stupid thoughts like these, he didn't hate himself enough and he also didn't understand or dare to figure out what the two of them were babbling about. Now, however, that he was alone, there were few things he could do and more he should do. "It was an accident, is that something you're always going to reprimand me for? I sound like I'm the worst housewife in the first place." All he wanted was something nice and tender, a hug, some cuddles and not too many thoughts, yet, Richard was great at making him question his life choices, as well as the holes in his brain and the things he couldn't wholly turn into words whenever he wanted to. "So you don't like it because it's ... just the same thing over and over again? Ice atop snow? ... Do you want to see something, then?", Yujin calmly asked. It still wasn't winter, summer still lasted a few more weeks and if they were lucky, they would catch a glimpse of things that Richard seemed more than desperate to see. This poor guy just wanted to touch some grass, it seemed. "They do." He pressed another kiss against Richards throat, for no reason in particular, avoiding the marred spot in the first place. "I apologize for finding you hot.", he snickered, with utmost sincerity - Yujin did mean it, even if he wasn't the most honest person in the first place. "Do you want it back?", he suddenly asked. Whatever or not the tide had carried away, he couldn't tell, but he also couldn't exactly dive to the bottom of the ocean - he, however, could still try to fish it out and if all things failed, he could try something even more stupid. "I did? When even was th- oh. Yeah, I did. That was probably the worst sex I ever had, let me tell you that." Yujin sighed, almost theatrically, as he clung to Richard. "Speaking of which, theoretically, if you had to fuck someone, who would it even be?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Yujin of Silesse ist just a name...", Richard replied. A name wasn't worth much to begin with and Richard didn't even know how to introduce himself when he first met Yujin, because he didn't know which name he should use or who he was after losing his family and his home. "Just be you. Isn't that the point you were trying to make? That you can be yourself when around me? Who even are you in front of others then?" Did Yujin share secrets with Richard that he didn't share with others? Did he act differently? Richard couldn't know, he only knew that Yujins relationship was a farce and that he seemed to be in a bad mood whenever he was around his friends and they started some topic, any topic, he didn't like all that much. "I don't mean to make you be someone you aren't. If you rather not be here that is fine too. I just thought it would be fun. Wasn't exactly right... I didn't know what coming here would do." Richard didn't think and he didn't care when he dragged Yujin out here. Well in the end Yujin had been the one suggesting this exact place, but there were only that many directions one could take starting from Silesse. Yujin came even closer now, cuddled up to Richard and he felt his arms around his exposed back. It felt nice and his stomach tingled just because of that. "I guess?", Richard answered. Understanding Yujin wouldn't help him with anything, but as long as Richard was in Silesse he didn't get away from him either. "So you don't want to stay in the castle? What happens when your brother takes over?"

      "Yes and yes." After all Yujin reminded Richard of throwing him out of the bed every single time too, why wouldn't Richard have something to nag about? "I think if you ever see a meadow you wouldn't want to come back here either... See what though?", Richard asked slightly interested. Actually he wanted to know now, but then again getting his hopes up was of no use. In the end he couldn't expect a garden or a real forest. There was another kiss, the third one if Richard counted correctly and his hands too found their way to Yujins hair which he played with, curling it around his finger. He even pulled Yujin a little bit closer and softly pressed his knee between Yujins to warm up his leg as well. It got dark fast, as always in Silesse and with it the whole mood seemed to shift a little too. Richard almost couldn't see Yujin anymore, but the fire they made was still burning and shedding some light. It casted more shadows than it made things clearly visible though. "Am I?", Richard asked, wondering what made him look better than any of those other wolves Yujin called friends or at least saw at least once in his life. "There's no way. Don't worry. I have another one... Besides you always tell me to were those Thrian clothes anyway..." Like he did for this journey. "I told you to sleep with whoever you want, but if you don't want it, why do it?", Richard asked and Yujin probably overreacted a little bit by clinging to Richard as if he needed saving. "What? If I had to fuck someone? You, or course. Who else would I fuck?"

    • "A name, an idea, not a person.", he concluded for the two of them. Yujin was fine just being that - an idea in someones head that knew oh so much about him and the way he worked, but something did tell him that no matter what, no matter how many spontaneous ideas or changes of name he had, he would not suddenly become somebody he wasn't. "Someone, I guess. At this point, it's not that easy to figure out who I really am or who I should be, but I guess I'm a different person than I am around my father, or my friends, or you - none of it aligns." Too many masks led to enough trouble, he knew that much and trying to please everyone was also not worth it. Yujin had very little idea of how he actually wanted to be - he always had been a people pleaser and his attitude towards Richard wouldn't suddenly shift because he decided he wanted to change something about the way he was. In the end, he was alread enarmored with the half-wolf and rarely anything would help him change his mind in the first place. "What are you going on about again? I never said I didn't have fun and that I wanted to go back or not be out here with you, or did I? Richard, you're overthinking.", he reprimanded the blonde instead and Yujin had hit the nail on the head with that one - they both were great, especially at the overthinking part in the first place. "Who do you even think I am?", he wanted to know instead. "Who knows, he's a softie." Xu was nothing like Shuren, at least in a few regards. He was his first son, or well, Muhans by that extend and supposed to be their only child. As convenient as that had sounded, however, it didn't work out for them and now they had four and three of those were left with a fifty-fifty chance of having either of them as their parent. "Mean.", he commented again, but instead only kissed Richards skin once more - he didn't feel like biting, or doing anything rough - he was somewhat tired and yet, just happy to be where he was.

      "Not all of Silesse is made of ice. Sure, it's cold as all hell out here, but there's someplace that ... well, you liked the baths in the castle, right?" It wasn't in this direction, though, so they had to take a detour and would be out here for more than one night if they turned around tomorrow. Given, they already were out here for more than one night, but at some point, somebody would inevitably catch up to them - especially when Shuren noticed they had lied. The wolf almost jolted when he felt Richards cold leg between his own, but he could only muster a defeated sigh - that's what he got for being an absolute idiot, and most likely not freezing his ass off. "Very attractive, actually. Would you like me to elaborate?" This could only turn into a cheesy explanation of idolization of a person that he barely could see in the dark, but very much feel in this mess of flickering shadows. Eventually, the fire would just die, though. "They keep you warm, but at this point I think you're pretty good to look at in either. You just need something that's actually your size, though." And more form-fitting. Richards old man only had hand-me-downs from someone for his son, of course it didn't fit all that well, but nobody would care - it was easier to get Richard out of them that way anyway. "Obligations. Do you even know how many to-be fianceés I apparently turned down? My father was so mad. His expression was priceless, though." Yujin never liked any of them, they were hand-picked like exquisite fruit and presnted to him, yet he liked not one of them and Yin was becoming no exception to that rule. Richard received another kiss. "Someone? I don't know, am I really your first choice? I'd say prove it, but you hardly can."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I get it...", Richard mumbled cuddling a little closer himself now. He asked Yujin stupid questions he couldn't answer about himself. He understood that he didn't have an answer for him. Maybe he did understand him somehow after all. "I'm not even the same person all the time I am around you.", he said softly and absent mindedly tugging on the shorter hair at Yujins neck. The he decided to adjust their position a little bit, resting his head slightly on the wolfs. "Do you like being all of your personas?", Richard then asked. He wasn't sure if he liked any of his own, or if he was disgusted by the weakling that took himself some form of a boyfriend because he couldn't be alone after all and at the same time loathed the person he became when shouting at someone for no apparent reason. None of this was who he was back home, not at all. No one who had known him back then would recognize him, Nayantai probably included. "You didn't look like you had fun...", Richard pointed out following Yujins spine with too fingers that were probably freezingly cold. "What do you mean?", Richard asked and tried to think about a suitable answer. "I think you are someone that always tries to fix things, even if they are already broken beyond repair.", he eventually answered. That sounded about right. He could have said more, but he wanted to leave it at that for now.

      "I did. What kind of place are you talking about?", Richard asked even more interested. The bath had been warm, naturally so and it had felt so good just being in a room with steaming air that enveloped his whole body. He didn't mean to make Yujin jolt, not this time, lest he maybe changed his mind about showing Richard something new out here. "Sorry...", he mumbled, but pulling his leg back again now was of no use. "If you want to...", he then answered and one hand found it's way on Yujins chin to slightly pull his head up, even though there wasn't much to see right now. Richard didn't know why he did that in the first place, so he simply moved aside some strand sof hair as if that had been his goal all along. "If it's not too expensive..." Who would have thought that the crown-prince of Myriad had to care about money at some point? "I doubt your father forces you to fuck someone. Anyway, keep turning them down if you don't want them.", Richard answered. Why was Yujins father like that? It seemed like he tried to control every aspect of Yujins life and Richard just wanted to make him do the opposite for some reason. "Why would I risk finding another wolf obsessing over me?", Richard simply asked, but he got slight goosebumps from all those soft kisses.

    • Somehow, even when they felt like they were in hell - or rather, when Yujin felt as if he had fallen down to the ground and was currently clawing his way out of an ice crater, Richard was there and why was that? Because he couldn't keep him away from all of this, because there was no way to keep him away - he wanted him close, not once had he actually despised him and wished for him to be gone, to not be the center of attention that his mind had chosen. Why did he like him so much? There was no sufficient answer, not from him or anybody else and there was nothing except his own retaliation, his own questioning that he had to answer. "We both don't always seem to be who we were the last time, but you're right.", he answered. Another kiss followed promptly, even if their positions slightly shifted and Richard was no pulling at strands of hair - it didn't even hurt much, it was just a tug that he couldn't quite figure out for himself. "Not always, sometimes some of them are in the way, other times its handy to not be known as one and the same person." It was, it always was and even when he tried to mimic somebody else, even when he urged himself to try something new, he liked himself the way he was most of the time, until he changed again and figured that none of that was even remotely important. "I had, a lot, actually. I do have quite a bit of fun when I'm with you, in fact." A broken record, among other things, was also one way to address Yujin, but he didn't know that himself anymore - it wasn't that he was too far gone, he was just too lost in his own, personal hell for the time being. "So you'd call yourself broken beyond repair? I can't exactly fix you, but I guess I can temporarily try to lift your mood."

      That was what he was after - a soft smile on Richards lips, a reaction, somethintg that didn't have anything negative attached to it and even right now, he was just trying to sweeten the deal. "It's in the last forest around the silessian border, all the way to the other side. Because of the uneven temperatures, the hot water and the fact that it's situated away from any mountains, the snow kind of melts away for one or two months in summer. Not completely, but I'm sure there's lush grass and actual plants there, if you want to visit." That was one of many options they had, but they had time until Richard had to leave - at least Yujin perceived it in such a way. Richard sometimes seemed in a hurry, other times he didn't and often enough, it felt as if nothing mattered at all. "No need to, I just didn't expect that. What about the other one, want me to warm both?" Sharing his warmth with someone not as fortunate as him was only fair and it only served as a reminder that somehow, the blonde still depended on him in a way or two. He was forced to peer up, unable to give any more kisses and the heavy shadows that danced along the outline of Richards face, courtesy of the flickering, yet muted flames from outside, made his eyes glisten in a light that was almost enarmoring. "You have beautiful eyes.", he suddenly remarked, as if he were bewitched, but that wasn't what he'd wanted to say initially, though, the hand that brushed hair out of his own face was also something he wanted to hold close, yet couldn't. "If anything, this sight alone should be expensive ..." What nonsense was he blabbering? Did he hit his head when he fell for Richard? Apparently. "All that aside, there's so much that I'd want to say and much more that I can't put into words, but one thing I can elaborate on, for certain, is that no matter how often I look at you, I can't get enough and it gets worse every goddamn time I look away for a second. Or maybe I just like the humiliation." Sometimes, the scorn in Richards eyes was enough to even make Yujin second-guess himself, but in hindsight, that seemed so damn silly. "If he wants a grandchild at some point, who even knows." Shuren could be scary and he always got what he wanted, but Richard was right, he wouldn't go that far ... right? "Maybe you like the attention you get from that one wolf that's so obsessed with you, he wishes he could express all of that, but alas, he still has manners. And he isn't absolutely insane."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "You're pretty much the same around me all the time...", Richard answered somewhat jokingly, but it was also true. Sure there were different sides Yujin showed him, but in the end he was himself, an obsessed, a little lost, way too nosy wolf who stuck to Richard for unknown reasons. "I mean sometimes I'm nice to you and sometimes I'm not. Isn't that annoying?", Richard asked but he still received another kiss. "In the way? What about your friends? Aren't you you when you are with them?", he wanted to know but every time they were with them Yujin kind of changed and got all moody. Richard had been the one that was in a foul mood last time, but while he still tried to enjoy himself and get those thoughts out of his head, Yujin was the one that was being odd and eventually pissing Richard off with it a little bit. He knew he was even more angry when the blonde left with Quan and his mood didn't shift although he knew nothing had happened. The kiss with Kun was just fun, wasn't it? And yet Yujin was pissed about that too. Was he truly that jelous? After telling Richard what he did with who knew what? "Then I'm glad. But we don't have to go somewhere important next time. Just hunting and camping is fine..." Richard didn't want to do much more and it were also things he did with his brother. He just wanted some fun away from everyone else. "I am.", Richard agreed and temporarily was the right word. Yujin wasn't enough to fix him and he'd go back to Adrestia and die there at some point. Nothing would change that.

      "I'd like to see it.", Richard answered. Some green color, anything, he'd be happy about it. His plants would first need some while to grow if it even worked, so something else would be nice. Maybe he could take some extra seeds there? No that wouldn't work if it's only a view months something was able to grow there. "How would you even do that? One is fine for now... I'm sorry I'm cold all the time. This sucks...", Richard grumbled. His fingers felt like icicles and his toes did too. They didn't have nearly as much fabric and fur around them as last time and in the end Yujin would just get hot under all of it while Richard was still cold. Without Yujin he would have frozen to death already and he didn't even enter the ice desert yet. "You've said that before...", Richard answered and looked at Yujin as well. Besides the eyes Richard had not much that resembled a wolf and he didn't see many either while he grew up. Nayantai of course and Rikiya, though Rikiya looked less than one and Richard wondered how nobody in Thria noticed that. They all were human yet the Thrians looked differently in some regards and the blonde marbled at the soft features of Yujins face. "I can't buy clothes with my face.", Richard answered with a joke. Was Yujin that tired to mumble nonsense like that? "Humiliation?", Richard asked. Yes he could be mean, but he didn't humiliate Yujin, or did he? "What would said wolf do if he didn't have any manners? Eat me whole?"

    • “And you aren’t”, Yujin remarked as if it were anything new. Usually, Richard had a certain way - a certain air - around him that Yujin could barely grasp, that he had to admire from afar, lest he’d be struck down by words alone. Right now, it was all so different and it felt much more tender and loving than a drug-induced night of temporary feel-good drugs and useless, delusional emotions could ever give them. This was, what Yujin was obsessed with in the first place, a tender moment that Richard wasn’t willing to give him and that meant, by far, that he wasn’t exactly the only person who probably swooned for the unattainable blonde. “It is, but it’s not so bad in the end. I very much enjoy the rare rewards that stem from that, though.” And that was the truth. Moments like these, even if this was a one-time thing so far, were just signs of his annoying persistence paying off in far more ways than one could ever fathom. “Me? Well, I think that’s the closest I’d be to myself or whatever anyway. But my actual self is pretty ugly, now that I think about it.” Jealous and out for fights that he couldn’t even win in the first place - had he always been this moody or was he just thinking of something that made no sense in the first place? “An escape from reality and all the things you’d be reminded of, I’d say. But I wouldn’t mind, given I don’t get locked up for the next ten years because I stepped out of Silesse.” What would happen? He’d just book it out of the window and disappear for one or two more days, that would at least show his old man that he wasn’t going to just accept all of that. “Then I can at least try, right?”

      If something was broken beyond repair, tinkering with it usually didn’t fix anything - but maybe it would help him with figuring out what all the parts that Richard was supposedly made of amounted to. Whatever or not he’d catch an actual glimpse of whoever the blonde used to he barely mattered - he wasn’t that person anymore and Yujin would forget both of them either way. “Then we’ll go there next time, as long as it’s not … well, in your eyes it’s probably always winter anyway.” Myriad was probably far from here and it wasn’t frozen and frigid all year round, not like Silesse - and even Jehanna was a better place to be, at least from a not-silessian standpoint. “Nothing to be sorry about, and also, it gives you ample excuses to cuddle with me.”, Yujin chuckled. Surely, Richard wouldn’t do this in the den, but he could try out here, where nobody was even casting their gaze on them - there actually was no one to even look at them and force them to stare back, to feel like they’d been found out. “Want me to hold your hands?”, he wanted to know soon thereafter, but they’d felt nice, buried in his hair as well as trailing his spine - Richard was already able to do so much without doing anything, really and honestly, and Yujin found it quite funny. “They still are, though.” And they’d never not be, even if Richard disappeared into the unknown, there was still a mental image that would reside with him for a few weeks and then, all of Richard would be gone. In theory. “Well, you could use your mouth but I’m not sure if you’re that well-versed with your words. Or other things. Or if someone would take you up on your offer.” If they wouldn’t, Richard would end up looking like a jester that had just failed to deliver a good enough joke. “Yes, humiliation. Why?” He had meant it, not that they couldn’t start with it from here on out. “Most likely, but I’m also sure that said wolf thinks that you have better teeth for eating him whole and he wouldn’t mind either, one bit.” And still, he just wound up pressing his body against Richards, to slightly bite a patch of skin around his collarbone. Yujin couldn’t really eat him, but he could do this.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Maybe because I don't know who I am since I got here. The person I was supposed to be at some point is no more either.", Richard answered with a sigh. Why was he even talking and thinking about this now and why did he tell Yujin all sorts of stuff all the time anyway? But it was true. He had been the crown prince and he was supposed to be king at some point, but all of that was gone. His whole life was moving in just one direction and that direction turned out to be the wrong one, running him straight into a brick wall. Dayan probably would have dealt better with this. He never truly had a certain direction he had to take. He had been older but he wouldn't have become king. Richard would have loved to keep him by his side, but he also thought that Dayan would have probably traveled to all sorts of places. Maybe he would have told Richard a bunch of stories then. Even out here he would have found a purpose and friends, but Richard was different. His life was taken from him and now he was lost. All he got left was revenge. "Rare? When even was the last time we fought?", Richard asked and leaned downwards for a kiss. He used Yujin to get away from all the things that haunted him and he felt bad for it even now, yet he couldn't bring himself to let go. Pushing him away didn't work out either way. If the wolf started trying to convince Richard to let him in again, he hardly was able to say no. "I don't believe you. What is your real self like then?", Richard wanted to know, the only ugly person was himself. "An escape, yes.", Richard mumbled coming closer. "I couldn't stop you anyway."

      "It's snowy and cold, so yes that's winter.", Richard explained but he knew himself that even the summer in Myriad was coming to an end and fall came. Richards birthday was close after all. "No, my hands are fine. I rather have your arms around me. That makes me warmer too...", Richard answered and he started to begin being unsure about how he wanted this evening to go. It got dark, they could just go to sleep, even though Richard actually promised Yujin something twice now and he still didn't do it. "I won't prostitute myself for clothing either, thanks...", he then grumbled although he just thought about something similar, which was kind of odd. Yet Yujin was the only one he wanted to do that with, or for in that case. "I don't mean to humiliate you. When do I do that?", Richard wanted to know. He often times was mean to Yujin but that was all he could recall himself. He already felt bad for how he treated him. "So I'm not just having the eyes of a wolf but also the teeth?", Richard asked and he remembered how he bit Yujins hand before. It still looked like a mess but it was too dark to see. Richard didn't look better with all the bitemarks on his neck and back, so much for manners. They still hurt when he moved, but it didn't bother him, quite the opposite. Yujin came even closer and bit him again, soft in this case though. Richard rested his head on Yujin and let out a short sigh. Then he moved his hand back on the back of Yujins head and the other one was stroking his back.