bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

    • "I will try not to, if I do, I'll never find out who on earth was buried or not buried in that grave anyway." Yujin had his theories, his fair share of theories at that and no matter what or how he went around it, none of it made much sense in particular. There were many things he could substitute for his own body, maybe he was just wrong overall and he hadn't died at all - maybe he had never come here, maybe he just had some sort of prophetic dream and now they were stuck out here, in the vast, snowy lands that he called his home, but none of that was going to make sense if he thought about it like this. Richard was right, memories weren't always right, sometimes memories were nothing more than mirages, not worth a single thing, but no matter how many thoughts he'd waste on a thing as simple as that, he'd have to come to accept that he wouldn't just magically retain his memory if he forced himself to figure it out now. Yujin was a mess, a whole, a half, more than that - nothing was going to make sense anymore if this kept up, he'd forget who he was in the first place and while all the doubts of and about this world swallowed him whole, he'd already be a new and different person, not necessarily an improved one, but someone that definitely was not himself, like it had always been and continued to be. Yujin kept up with himself, nobody else.

      "Just dreams are horrible enough as is", the wolf grimaced. Richard knew that himself, they woke him up almost every night and when they didn't, he didn't seem to sleep all that well, either. Yujin griped at the tea, then drank half of it in one go, almost burning his tongue, but he was chasing after the warmth either way, so he didn't quite mind. His attention went back to the obvious things, yet, it felt as if there was something amiss, still and there was Richard, who felt like a decoy right about now. "I don't know, you're usually the gloomy one. I have to keep you in check", he reprimanded him, then - eventually - grabbed the cross again and retrieved the knife that he'd stuff between his boots and pants. The trick itself was neat, but those clothes weren't made for some knife-hiding, that much was apparent. The wolf opened the knife, let his fingers wander over the intricate design and then over the inscription, as if he wanted to check how deep all of that was - before he started carving off tidbits here and there, shallow ones. "The thing is, this cross isn't just hastily put together. It's solid and there's some patterns engraved into the wood - you know where else those patterns are? On Silesses flags, its official garments, literally any pattern of fabric hailing from here. Somebody went out here and put up the cross posthumously, whyever that is - and those clothes, the coat at least, is something I remember wearing a lot before the incident, but it evaporated in thin air after. There's paintings of me wearing this stupid thing and not one other piece of fabric, so it follows that my coat got left behind. But, you know, who would make a burial like this for a coat?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "Good then.", Richard said, warming his hands on his cup of tea and his feet by the fire. This cave was nice, but they still were in Silesse so it was fricking cold all the time. Richard eyed the half ready tent, he stopped working on that when Yujin suddenly started screaming and he decided to finish it as soon as he got a little bit warmer. Yujin meanwhile started to mess with the cross, using the knife he brought. Richard only hoped he wouldn't break it and also that he wouldn't cut himself. They didn't bring much to tend to a wound. Richard wasn't sure if Yujin was in the right state of mind to hold a knife. But again he didn't stop him nor did he say anything, instead he drank of his tea and once the cup was empty, Richard stood up and went to the tent again to fix it up properly and to get all the blankets, sleeping bags and fur they brought. All of that was stuffed inside to build their nest as Yujin called it. Now that Richard thought about it, he noticed how cheesy that sounded, as if they were on their honeymoon.

      Richard knew well enough that dreams were able to frighten someone, to hurt someone and to generally made ones life a nightmare, but Richard usually wasn't awake while he dreamt and only knew they were dreams when he woke up and remembered where he was. "Who said I'm not gloomy right now?", Richard asked, but Yujin didn't have to worry about him, even though he now thought about his own dreams way too much, since he had no other occupation. While Yujin was messing with the wood he told Richard what he thought and the blonde wasn't sure if Yujin even wanted an opinion. Maybe Yujin buried this for whatever reason, maybe to dig it up and remember something, though Richard doubted he knew he'd forget everything. Richard who was stacking up fur and making it comfortable in their tent stuck his head out of there. "Maybe you did.", Richard answered, but just shook his head and went back into the tent to finish everything up. He was no help anyway.
    • No harsh winds, no reminder of the past - this cave seemed as unfamiliar as it was familiar and Yujin struggled to figure out why that was, why he couldn't wrap his mind around it or why it became increasingly and painstakingly clear that he could suspect foul play. Was Quan at fault for all of this? No, this idiot wouldn't have buried him, or his clothes and he wouldn't have made the effort to go back, get a cross, drag it out here and do whatever had happened. If anything, this grave seemingly had been erected after this incident, which would explain why the fabric was wrapped around it in the first place, but Yujin thought nothing of it for now - instead he remained there, kept going and kept scratching away at the wood, only to uncover the secrets that seemed to have been inlaid in it. The patterns seemed far more confusing once the layer was gone and it seemed almost annoying to find out that all of this, no matter what it was, seemed to be nothing more than the obvious, the things that he thought he'd figured out already. There was scraggly writing on it, almost as if the person who had written it had had some thoughts on the matter itself, wanted to give the recently departed a piece of mind, but Yujin stopped there, took his cup of tea and gulped the remaining liquid down. "You know, you can cook tea pretty well."

      Was that compliment misplaced? He didn't even know, around Richard he just failed to be someone that he ought to be and it was incredibly ridiculous that that was how his life would pan out. No matter what, he'd figure it out - at least that was, what he thought and it all came crashing down on him one way or the other, whether he wanted it to or not - did it truly matter? "I didn't, so are you?", he wanted to know immediately, but his eyes didn't lay on Richard, they hadn't during this whole conversation, not when he was carefully removing layers of old wood from a cross that had no right to stand out there anyway. Once he uncovered the name, however, he was less than surprised - there was a date on it, his own birthday, and the day of the incident - his deathday, so to speak - and his name, which also made the wolf sigh. "It reads Yujin of Silesse, and my birthday, as well as the day of the accident, at least I think that's it? That just means I was dead meat to begin with", he announced, lay the wooden cross aside and then focused on the bundle, as well as the coat, that slowly but surely warmed up - one of them emitted a kind of funny smell and he wasn't sure if he should have dug this thing out in the first place. "So, judging by the cross, I'm dead? But, I'm very much alive and breathing ... so, what's this, then?", the wolf asked and grabbed the smaller piece of fabric ... his heart was racing, but that was it, aside from the cold, tingling fingers that he called his own. "Should I ...?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • Yujin didn't let go of that peace of wood, but that was good, wasn't it? Richard had no place there though, so after he set up the tent and laid out layers of fabric and fur, he didn't quite know what to do. He came outside the tent again and grabbed their belongings to find the food he packed at home. Today they didn't hunt and it also didn't look like they easily would find prey out here, but that was precisely why they brought something else. It was just tried meat mostly, some bread that was almost frozen stiff and some cheese from some Silessian goat or whatever. Richard didn't intend to eat right away, since the bread probably would have let his teeth fall out if he tried to bite into it. Instead he placed that bundle next to the fire as well, so their food could get a little less frozen and they'd be able to eat it eventually. Richard wasn't sure if Yujin was hungry at all, but Richard was always able to eat, so at least he would take a few bites. He wouldn't force Yujin to get something in his stomach too though. Instead he poured both of them another cup of tea. "It's just putting herbs in a kettle or a cup is all.", Richard explained. As long as they didn't take too long to drink it it wouldn't get bitter and he just watched Nayantai which herbs he used.

      "Dunno. Does it matter? I'm pretty much alone with my own thoughts so kinda I guess.", Richard answered honestly, but what about it? When he was on a trip like this how couldn't he think of Dayan as soon as he had a free minute? It was his brother he did stuff like that, although they never uncocered some strange mystery. But they camped outside, sometimes in a cave, sometimes it was also cold, because they went to Fhaergus. Richard got dragged along, now he was the one dragging and protecting. Right now though, maybe he hurt Yujin instead, he didn't know. They both wouldn't know as long as they didn't pry any further. Richard looked up once he heard Yujins voice once more, not sure if he even talked to him or if he talked to himself. "Maybe I'm talking to a ghost. Maybe I died in Myriad and we're both dead...", he joked, but he didn't laugh and actually, was that truly impossible? Not really. He shouldn't have survived a wound like this to begin with. He watched Yujin grab the bundle now and leaned back himself to get a slightly better look. "If you don't it'll bug you. Well until you forgot this thing existed, but then it'll bug me and I'll remember you.", Richard pointed out.
    • "That's true. Well, it isn't that hard, but I wouldn't be able to prepare it from scratch like that anyway. How about I treat you to a cup at the castle the next time, though?", the wolf inquired, having long forgotten what the two of them had done just weeks earlier and how bad he'd fucked up their cup of tea - that had gone to waste, too, and despite there being a distant thought clinging to the back of his head, a sign that he actually remembered, there was no definite way of really telling that - there never had been, which was why he brushed it off in the first place. If he was honest, though, he'd appreciate it if he could crawl into the hole that he had called a nest earlier and just spend the remainder of the day cuddling with Richard, though, that would hardly give him any results for the research he was conducting and he knew that. Yujin wanted to know, yet he grew antsy, almost a bit too much, even when Richard refocused his own attention on him and let go of that stupid tent. "And what if I find my own head in there? But ... the package would be to small for that, actually." That meant it wasn't a head, but it had to be something else - anything, really. There were a few things he could consider, but none of them made sense and none of the things he did uncover did yield and results in the memory department, either.

      "Why don't you say anything then? I'm here to take your thoughts off of your mind, not overfocus on my own", he grumbled, was about to get up from where he sat, but Richard had already been faster, was already back in his initial spot and pouring them some more tea. There was nothing to smoke out here or get drunk on, there barely was anything going on, except some weird murder mystery that seemed to be all sorts of questionable in all sorts of way. There it lay, silence that befell both of them and the single question that he kept for himself was a misunderstanding of sorts - why did he want any of this? "Maybe we're both very much alive and should focus on that. Jokes aside, what is it that you want? I haven't found out much about myself and I have a splitting headache now, once I've undone this stupid fabric I'll just crawl into the fur heap and you'll be coming with me. Sounds good?" There was no way on earth he was letting Richard out here alone, with his thoughts, but he didn't even want to sleep, just some ... not even silence, a moment of respite and something to focus on, somehow. Before he could do that, he looked at what he held, though, and then back up at the blonde. "So we both want to know whats inside? That's ... unfortunate, but I'll make do", Yujin concluded and gulped, audibly, before using his still cold and shaking fingers to undo the icy fabric step by step. There wasn't anything that was going to crawl out of there, let alone was there going to be somebody doing anything to begin with, but all in all, it didn't make much sense in the first place. What could this be anyway? For once, however, he was glad that whatever it was, wasn't fully thawed - the funny smell persisted throughout the icy state it was in and once he'd completely unfolded it, he stared at ... what? It was a piece of meat, that much was clear, but he couldn't quite identify ... oh, no, that ... oh. As if to check that his heart was still in his own chest, now that he found himself face to face with what he assumed to be a human heart, frozen stiff and probably rotten, he pressed one of his hands against his ribcage, but there it was, hammering itself against tissue and bone and going haywire. "I-I'm n-not the only one seeing this, r-right?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "In the castle? Well... as long as a servant prepares it and not you.", Richard answered, wondering how they got to that topic now. Who said that he'd visit the castle again anyway? Though he would say yes to another hot bath there, their bathroom was amazing, especially in a cold and frigid place like Silesse. maybe that would work out some time again. Right now however they had another problem, or rather something to do. Yujin had something to do to be specific but he seemed hesitant about it. "I can see your head on your shoulders as well as pretty much everything else a human should have.", Richard replied. There wouldn't be a head, not Yujins at least. There also wouldn't be any fingers or ears that belonged to him, he was pretty much whole, Richard had seen everything of him, so he could tell. As long as Yujin didn't open that bundle they wouldn't know however, stalling was useless, it wouldn't turn into something Yujin liked to see, just because he stared at it long enough. If he wanted the truth, he needed to open it up and Richard wanted to know too.

      "If I told you every time I have something on my mind, I'd not stop talking. Besides, you're the one that is occupied right now and I won't let you stall and use me as an excuse.", the blonde voiced with a sigh. He was fine right about now, there were times when he wasn't, not at all, times when he just wanted to get wasted, or killed if it helped. Right now there were just the usual thoughts. He missed his brother and he would continue missing him. "What I want? I don't know.", Richard mumbled, then shook his head. Yujin was kind of... cute saying it like that, but... "What about food though?", Richard asked. If they went into the tent they probably wouldn't crawl back out again anytime soon, even Richard knew that. "Of course I also want to know. Now open it up.", Richard said, getting impatient slowly. But Yujin was ready and he undid the fabric to reveal whatever was in there. Richard got up, stepped behind Yujin and looked at the heart he held in his hands. "Could be a pigs too.", Richard pointed out crossing his arms in front of his chest. He would have thought he'd be more creeped out by seeing a maybe human heart, but he wasn't, even though he never saw one before. This one was actually in quite good shape, probably because it had been frozen out here up until now. "Well that definitely isn't yours.", Richard concluded and eventually took the fabric and the heart out of Yujins hands to wrap it back up again. He had the feeling that Yujin didn't need to look at it any longer. "So what are you thinking? I myself can only speculate.", Richard asked and looked to the entrance of the cave. "I'll put that back."
    • "I'm not that bad at making tea!" That wasn't even a lie, but judging by Richards reaction, he'd already seen the bad side of it, which wasn't all that favorable. Sure, Yujin couldn't just always make everything the way it was intended to and he couldn't always just be right and win at something, but this just felt embarrassing - he was supposed to know this kind of stuff, especially thanks to his status, but he often enough struggled with it and then found himself in a situation like this. It was stupid, he knew that, but he also trailed after many people often enough and that only meant his mind would get more and more muddled up with every step into the wrong direction that he could take. "That's good, but ... now we have a different problem I suppose", he murmured and then looked back at the heart that he now held, neatly stored away all the way out here. Was this grave just supposed to be his, had someone else taken his place? No, it made no sense at all and whatever he came up with, it wasn't the satisfactory response that he hoped it'd be. In fact, Yujin was disappointed to just find a loose piece of meat that wasn't even his own. "It's not some way to stall! I want to take care of you as well, especially if I suck at doing it physically." Friends or not, they could be there for one another and Yujin was fairly sure that Richard was the one in need of a good, strong hug and not him - but he could be wrong, as he essentially always was.

      "If the food is eatable by then, we can eat something first, if not, we can just drag it into the tent and hope we don't make a mess", he suggested, but right now, he didn't feel like eating anyway. The nauseating feeling from earlier, as well as the rest that washed over him did him no favors at all and he hoped, so much, that none of this was going to be his downfall - Richards mere presence would fix it, he could hug him after this and when he had done, he'd ... he'd ... feel better, right? The sudden movement that the blonde made confused him, but Yujin was fairly sure that he wanted to keep looking at the heart, yet it was snatched from him and he, as some form of retaliation, got up and grabbed the cross - but he kept the frozen mantle around, he didn't drag it with him, he'd take it home. "Figuratively? I think I shoveled my own grave out there. At least my head tries to make me remember something. But I don't know who the heart belongs to, who made the cross and what got put into said grave first - I just know that I'll pester my father with the coat", he elaborated, before he followed Richard out of the cave, back to the grave and put the cross back where it belonged. He was definitely feeling sick and tired out here, no doubt about it - so much, in fact, that the howling wind seemed to reach his ears either way and for a moment, he felt like tripping - but nothing of the sort was really happening. "That's someone elses heart then, but whoever it belongs to, it might as well have been put into my grave as an act of ... avenging someone that never really died. Lets just close this up and hope the ghosts don't haunt us."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "It was pretty disgusting.", Richard reminded Yujin. None of them drank it in the end and for a second Richard had thought Yujin wanted to poison him. Richard preferred him not touching any more herbs, next time maybe he would pick poisonous ones on accident and kill them both. Besides, he lived in a castle, what servant t him prepare his own tea? Yujin had been really upset about his failings too, Richard remembered. Switching discussion between tea and a heart was odd. Thex couldn't know if it actually was human, none of them would be able to say that for certain, but it was probable, right? But again the topic changed way too quick and Richard looked at Yujin somewhat confused. He sucked at it physically? How? That was the only thing that bound them together, wasn't it? Even though Richard didn't want to admit that. "How about you take care of yourself today?", Richard simply asked, after all Yujin still held a heart in his hands and didn't know why or where it came from. Who did this belong to anyway if it was a human? Did Yujin kill someone? Or was it someone else? That didn't make much sense when the incident happened because of a storm and an accident.

      The tent was somewhat like a save haven for Yujin, wasn't it? Blocking the site of this place, so he could forget he was here in the first place. He probably couldn't, but he could continue searching for answers in there too, maybe if he actually fell asleep, he remembered something? "So what do we know? You got lost in a storm, Quan searched for you. Someone was looming over you at some point, was it him when he found you? Either way, you were hurt, badly and maybe you dug a grave while Quan searched for you? But where'd you get the heart from?" Maybe it had been an animal after all. "Or did you come back here it a later point?", Richard wondered already getting back to the grave. Whomever this heart belonged to, he didn't feel like carrying it back home, the coat would be enough. Better to put it back where they found it. "Avenging someone? You mean because initially you were told someone attacked you? And that's maybe the person? But why put a grave on his heart with your name on it?", Richard asked. He'd have to bury a lot of hearts if he wanted to avenge his siblings that way, but that just seemed like a hassle. "You know Adrestians believed Thrians used black magic?", Richard suddenly asked while kneeling down to put the bundle back in the hole Yujin had dug earlier. Then he shoved some snow over it. "I'm not believing that something like that works, but others might? Maybe it was supposed to help you recover. Some sort of magic. Or it's a curse.", Richard speculated. "If I'd believe in the slimmest of chances something like that could bring my brothers and sister back, I'd do it too."
    • “It couldn’t have been that bad if I don’t even remember it!” Which only meant there had to be worse, but maybe it just started slow and all the things he was supposed to know got muddled up too - soon, there’d be nothing left of Yujin and if that instance occurred, he’d be as good as dead meat either way. No matter what, his memories weren’t going to magically stay intact because he didn’t want to forget, be it the adventure into the unknown that he was having right now or the time he spent with Richard. “I need to smoke something when I get back, I guess. We came here to go further than I’ve ever been, we can do that right now, or we’ll waste the rest of the day.” That was their initial goal and if they’d already reached that, they could make sure to go back tomorrow morning - and be home by the time the sun set, or at least that sounded like a solid plan that he might as well make reality. Why was he so antsy about being out here anyway? There was nothing, there never would be anyone - it all was in the past, Richard was right. “Maybe I killed someone? That’s nothing out if the ordinary and it would explain why I just don’t want to recall the incident as a whole, but then again, I took a hit to the head if my short term memory is already as awful as is. And my leg looks like … some wild animal had a go at it?”

      Speculations over speculations, but whatever the case, maybe he’d just fallen down the steep hill, hit his head against a stone pretty badly and when he tried to recall what was happening, he’d just mixed it all up. Maybe Quan had come for him after all? No, that wasn’t quite right. “If I came back here, I doubt I brought anyone with me - maybe I told someone where I was going, though? I’d have to ask someone regardless.” The brunette wolf was a starting point, but Yujin kind of feared that Richard would beat him up if he didn’t have a satisfactory answer. Violence wasn’t always a way to solve ones problems, though, it might be in a case like this. “I don’t know, have me shovel my own grave, bury their heart, something about dignity and honor - it seems in line with thrian tradition, but maybe I’m wrong and this is just a makeshift grave and it was supposed to be for me because Quan crawled home and told everyone I died, so they brought a cross.” That would serve as a satisfactory, but underwhelming explanation of the situation - what did he even know? Something was going to happen, one way or the other and Yujin was going to witness it either way. His eyes were glued on the blonde, now that the hole was closed up again and the wolf himself put the wood in place, as if they’d never disturbed … whatever this was. A resting site for someone that nobody would ever know, yet, it seemed almost as if it was supposed to be his own. “If it’s supposed to help me recover, it would look differently. Remember that talisman stuff I talked about? That’s a thrian way of speaking well wishes - if the wooden piece is red, it’s love, if it’s blue or green, it’s for wellbeing. But I think I get what you are trying to insinuate. It might not even be wrong.” Was it even black magic, then? Sounded more like healing spells, if anything, but what kind of healing spell used a foreign heart? “But it’s not real. According to adrestians, we’re children of the devil either way - lets think about something else, get up”, the wolf said, grabbed Richard by the hand and pulled him back up, into a hug, and then let himself fall onto his back into the snow, still holding the blonde close, away from the grave. “As long as we’re together, we have nothing to fear.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "You almost cried because it was that bad. I thought you wanted to kill me.", Richard reminded Yujin. This was odd, Richard was pretty sure that if he'd plan to live his life out here and find a partner at some point, it wouldn't be someone that forgot everything that happened. He seemed just right for Richard in this part of his life, at the end basically, but anywhere else? No, he didn't want to remember someone of all the things that had happened at some point. It was like living his life alone, without the other. "Whatever is fine, we could just take the horses tomorrow and ride a few minutes before turning back.", Richard replied. Didn't Yujin say he wanted to go into the tent for the rest of the day just minutes before? "Nothing out of the ordinary?", Richard asked confused. Yujin made it sound like he ran around and murdered people for their hearts all the time. "Maybe it's an animals heart after all. It tried to eat you, you killed it. And since you hit your head you were just being weird, burying that heart.", Richard mused and then he let out a short scuff. "Hah. I just remembered an Adrestian story. About a girl that should get killed, but the hunter who's job it was took an animals heart back to his queen instead, acting like he killed her." Maybe Yujin tried to fake his death. Though burying a heart was very theatralic and weird for that.

      "Then we'll ask Quan. I can even ask Nayantai, but I doubt your father wrote him a letter to tell him about any of this. I'm not sure if they even had contact the last twenty years.", Richard said. Well maybe Quan even gave Yujin answers but he simply forgot, so when he took Richard with him, at least he'd remember. Some time at least, though he wouldn't stick around and act like Yujins brain. "What does dignity and honor have to do with that? You Thrians are weird.", Richard pointed out and eventually all the talk about them being monsters wasn't so far off. Not too long ago they killed off anyone who's partner died, wasn't that stupid and weird? And unpractical! Also cruel, amongst other things. Yujin put the cross back down and Richard washed his hands with some fresh snow. "So you have colors for those things. Someone got through the trouble to carve in those patterns there and your name and he didn't use any color? Don't you have a color for death or something then?", Richard asked, but got pulled up and back on his feet eventually, only to fall back down again. "Didn't you say I should get up?", he grumbled. "Speak for yourself. Your kind does eat human flesh, don't they?" And maybe Yujin killed someone out here. Well wasn't that neat?
    • “I don’t remember that and I’d never seriously injure anyone over a cup of tea!” Richard wasn’t Quan, they could beat one another up over other, stupid shit, but he’d not force the blonde to do all of his bidding and comply to his feelings all of the time. Yujin had better things to do, even if he hardly ever let on to that and there were many things that he were to write down, then forget about either way - Richard served the purpose of a lexicon for him, at least for now but it wasn’t just that. What would happen if they parted ways eventually? All of the things that he used the blonde for would be gone with him eventually, that was quite … sad and stupid, wasn’t it? “Gods, no. I meant that killing someone during a struggle is nothing out of the ordinary, I’m not a coldblooded murderer.” As far as he remembered, the worst injury he’d ever inflicted upon anyone was a broken leg that Quan sustained because he’d let himself be dared to do stupid shit - Jia wasn’t any better though, at least his bones didn’t seem to give way as easily. “So you’re saying I’m burying an animals heart, one that I dismantled in my delirium and tried to fake my own death? That sounds like some childrens story, but it’s somewhat … if that’s the case, I’d have to have a reason and I doubt I had any at the time.” He hadn’t been locked up back then, so why would he fake his death?

      Now they lay there, in the cold and stupidly high snow, the only splotches of color in this barren land and Yujin didn’t mind - he appreciated the silence that was only deterred by them taking turns to speak, but more importantly, he liked listening to Richard. “They might have exchanged letters, but it’s best to exhaust all other options before annoying Shuren. Even Muhan might know something - maybe we can kill two birds with one stone and also pry our fathers relationship out of their grasps?” Yujin was nosy as all hell and he would be damned if he couldn’t figure out the relationship that Muhan and Nayantai shared, for gods sake, there had to be some dark and dirty secret, right? “Says the guy who’s half a wolf, half a sheep and a complete and utter dork. Did your father never teach you anything about his home?”, the wolf inquired, but he wasn’t going to pry into painful secrets - Richard just seemed so clueless, as if his wolf heritage had not mattered once before any of this, not to anyone. “We don’t use color on memorials like these, they usually aren’t wooden either, they are carved into blocks of stone. Colors for death are white, something you can’t quite see out here and a bright shade of red. But then again, red is used for many things - love or death, actually. Pale colors that are just slightly off from white are also fine, though, it’s usually just white. What’s it for adrestians? Black?” Now he was curious, he only ever had heard about oh so many things, but thrians muddled it all up and eventually, it only depended on the persons better judgement. “I like holding you, or being around you in general. And besides, a few minutes in the snow won’t kill me”, the wolf retaliated and pressed Richard against his chest, yet refrained from touching his hair with his barren hands - he should have cleaned those off, but oh well, the hug was nice enough. “My kind? There’s different tribes of Thrians all over this land. Silessians are actually mostly vegetarian - cannibals reside on the border to Wezette and they have teeth, sharp enough to rip flesh from bone. If you are suspicious, I’ll let you check mine - you aren’t scared I’ll bite off your finger, right? But if you’d like me to eat you, you only have to ask.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "You were all upset and gloomy because of it.", Richard informed him further, he didn't remember exactly how it went down, maybe he made a stupid comment and it hit Yujin. Whatever it only had been tea. "It was when we both were sick.", he added in case Yujin had no clue at all which probably was true. Maybe he didn't even remember being sick though. "Killing somebody during a struggle maybe not, but ripping that persons heart out? I think it it kind of unordinary, at least by Adrestian standards." Usually doing something further to a dead body was seen as bad, because it damaged the body for the afterlife and disturbed the soul. That was how ghosts got created, even though Richard doubted anyone believed that. Still, a dead body should be left alone. "Maybe you were in love with someone you couldn't have and as the romantic idiot you were you buried a heart. That's something that would fit you.", Richard said, this time it was less speculating and more of a joke, but he could see Yujin doing something like that, as well as he could imagine him holding on to old Thrian traditions and die when his wife or husband did.

      Yujin still held Richard tight and the blonde couldn't really go anywhere. Well he could have tried to free himself, but that would only cause more snow on his clothes, which he didn't want to happen. He also didn't want the snow to get into his hair and stick there, he'd just freeze again. "You never actually asked Muhan?" What was Yujin? An idiot? Most likely. Besides Quan Richard would have asked Muhan first. But maybe he and Shuren usually stuck together and when one said no, the other did too and thus it would not be an option anyway. What did Richard know about that family? Nothing, only that Shuren was locking Yujin up for some stupid reason. Not that Yujin would remember a trip to Adrestia anyway... "You didn't answer my question.", Richard pointed out instead of telling Yujin he wasn't a dork at all, if anyone was one it was the Silessian prince! "I was never supposed to live here, so I guess no.", he also said, Nayantai hadn't taught them much, Rain had been the one doing that for the most part. Or he wanted to learn something himself, but Richard probably also didn't remember all of it. It wasn't part of his life. He probably would forget what Yujin just told him too. "When someone dies we wear black on the funeral. If someone marries the bride usually wears white. Red stands for love, green for envy usually, yellow for hope. That's about it.", Richard explained, noticing that they weren't any less complicated probably. "We also give a lot of flowers some meaning, but you don't have to take that literally, if you like them, have them. Most flowers stand for some form of love anyway." Yujin probably never saw any of those, not for real at least, maybe in books. Richard could extend his little home garden if it worked out, then again, he'd probably not stay here for too long. "But maybe it'll kill me. I'm getting all wet!", Richard complained. His feet and legs were already soaked and he was just about to dry up next to the fire, now he was in this mess all over again. "How does that work without anything growing out here? Most of you only live off of cheese?", Richard asked. They didn't have fruit trees, nor vegetables, nor grain. They mostly had some wooly fluffy sheep and horses apparently. "Eat this!", Richard retaliated instead, grabbed a fist full of snow and threw it in Yujins face. The snow was still loose. Meanwhile he stemmed his own weight to get out of the hug.
    • Fuck tea, honestly - he was only upset about it for some stupid reason apparently. Was it cause he had been sick? Yujin wasn’t sure, he felt incredibly miserable and he’d retained knowledge of said feeling, but other than that, it all seemed blurry and barely there. What was he going to do anyway? “I remember that, slightly. Your bed was pretty comfortable, but I also think that I was fairly convinced you’d bite my head off … the cuddles were nice. Did we even cuddle?” That sounded somewhat stupid, it had happened during a time that Yujin barely recalled to begin with, muddled up memories didn’t help, but he retained some of the feelings. A shiver, short and not … too bad coursed through his system soon enough - this wasn’t what he was supposed to be doing, for fucks sake, Richard could have done all kinds of stuff while the two of them were sick and the only thing that actually happened was the two of them being annoying and trying to get a good snooze, wasn’t it that? “We just did some grave desecration, that’s something unusual too. Who knows, maybe I wanted to make sure they, whoever they were, were dead. … And you take me for a hopeless romantic like that? Not for one that, I don’t know, would commit suicide to be with his love?”, he then inquired, raising an eyebrow as if he was really questioning the blondes statement. Was he really that romantic? He hadn‘t offered Richard any rose petals and he hadn‘t cooked him a homemade meal just yet.

      “I did, not that he didn’t want to tell me, but whenever I asked him about it, Shuren always had his eyes and ears everywhere and was quick to shut the conversation down”, the wolf grumbled, but that was as much as he could remember of that anyway. There was no way to actually retain all of what was said, but one of his fathers - the annoying one - always was trying to make up excuses to get him, of all people, to shut up and not ask too many questions. “What question? Why dignity and honor? Old, stupid traditions. If you kill your lover, you should have killed yourself. Wolves are mental, but sheep aren’t much better!” That didn’t matter much, did it now? Not only that, all of it was nothing more than a mirage that had gone and went by, disappeared into thin air and made him realize that no matter what, he’d always find himself figuring more than one thing out after the first one. Yet, why didn’t Richard drag him out here any sooner? This was nice. “Hm, we wear red for our weddings”, he informed Richard and then grinned ever so slightly. “Red and gold, with hints of white, to be specific. In the end, it’s all a mess, but a thrian wedding is kind of nice to look at”, was the next thing he spew, but that was it. Nobody wanted to marry anybody anymore, they wanted to be free and do nothing but that - being free was the sole reason for their existence anyway. “Would you give me a flower then?” That was a stupidly specific thing to ask, though, he rarely saw any flowers up close and those that survived out here only lived for a short period of time - the best he could do were frost flowers. “That’s why you are on top of me and not in the snow with me!” Though, it wasn’t a solid or even dry alternative to begin with - so much, in fact, that Richard wanted to he let go of. “Roots. Broth. Cheese. Herbs. Some penguins. Ice. And if you’re lucky, treebark.” Not everything was edible, but they had ships going everywhere for a reason by now - and the thing he had just said was a good enough reason to get snow shoved into his face, apparently. “Eugh, what was that for?”, Yujin complained as he scrambled to his feet, once he had let go of Richard. “Fine, we’ll go into the tent, but first …” The wolf just said, then grabbed his own fistful of snow and shoved it in Richards own face. “You want a fight? Bold for someone complaining about being wet!”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • What did Yujin remember about that week? If it wasn't much it was only good for Richard, because he'd seen sides of him he didn't want anyone to see. Maybe he even forgot what happened after that stupid dinner party. "You were clingy is all...", Richard grumbled and it was true. Whenever Richard woke up he had Yujins arms wrapped around his body, hadn't that been annoying? Sure there may have been some instances, after a nightmare, when Richard was vulnerable and let himself be cuddled back to sleep, but... why was he like that anyway? It wasn't like spending a night with Yujin meant anything, but he also didn't want to have it look like there was more to it than two guys that occasionally had sex. "Well mission complete, whoever owned this heart at some point is definitely dead now.", Richard mumbled and wondered why Yujin seemed to feel better so quickly. Wasn't he still nervous and scared? What was going on? "I think you'd do that too, because you're an idiot.", Richard replied, wasn't that stupid? Why would he put another death on his friends and family after they already lost someone. That made no sense.

      "What makes the situation different now?", Richard asked. His old man could still shut anybody up to keep whatever secret he was hiding. Why did he need to hide anything in the first place? Wouldn't it be easier to simply tell the truth? "The question what burying a heart has to do with dignity and honor you dimwit.", Richard reiterated and sighed while rolling his eyes. Actually Richard thought sheep were better... there were no stupid traditions like that. None included death for anyone and they even got rid of some supposed crimes while his father reigned Adrestia. "What about that becoming of age ritual? Any colors there?", Richard suddenly asked then scuffed. "Why would I gift you a flower?" Yujin wasn't his boyfriend and out here that probably meant even more, with it being hard to come by some. "I'm still getting wet and you are too! I won't let you in the tent like that, you'll soak everything!", Richard complained once more, if everything got wet they'd had nothing to sleep on anymore and Richard couldn't crawl under some layers either. "What's penguins?", he then asked, but did he care? No. He definitely wasn't vegetarian and Nayantai brought home meat everyday too. At least Richard was free now, Yujin stood up as well though and there he got some snow in his face too. "I don't want a fight!", Richard cried out, but still took some snow to throw at Yujin, before running back to the cave to literally lock the wet dog out of the tent. On the way he shed the outmost layer of his own clothes that were wet. He probably should have left it near the fire, but for now he didn't care.
    • “If anything you’re an idiot, too!”, the wolf complained with a face full of snow. It hurt, but not literally, just in some fancy, theatrical way. Was this what he’d needed? Was Richard who he’d needed? He couldn’t quite tell, but his assumptions weren’t all that off - he thought of it as some fun trip and if Richard would finally admit to his stupid feelings, he might have realized that he wanted that too, yet, Yujin didn’t even know if that was the truth - he just hoped that the blonde was playing hard to get, that was all. Above all that, however, he wondered why he was here now in the first place. “Dunno, I have you and we could just drag my father away, under false pretenses and get rid of my other one that way?” Muhan rarely left to go anywhere without Shuren, to some people he was more of a guarddog than a husband to their king and while Yujin couldn’t verify it himself, he’d heard plenty of tails about his old man being capable of killing with bare hands just fine. “That means you lost a fight and somebody left your most vulnerable part behind. Kind of like, if you believe all those things about being kind at heart - what are you going to do without your emotions, as some heartless monster roaming the endless plains of Thria for eternity?” Losing your heart was a punishment, if anything, but that wasn’t an uncommon way of separating someone from their belongings either.

      “Let me think … mostly bits and pieces of gold, woven into your clothing. It’s some sort of pearly color, not entirely white, but it’s basically supposed to hide you in the snow, yet, white means death. But that’s just the basic garment, you may add colored sashes and coats of your own choosing.” It was something important and it would represent how ones life would go, but in the end, it was a hunt like any other, a venture into the wilderness of a land unknown and sometimes, people didn’t return. “You want to try your hand at it or what? When’s your birthday anyway?”, the wolf asked, now that he did realize that maybe, just maybe, Richard might want to do something special for a sacred occassion - or was it something else that bugged him? “I like gifts, well, sometimes and also because I’d like to actually see a flower for once, a live on.” Wouldn’t the seeds they planted blossom before they bore fruit? Not that it mattered much out here, it was just some sort of … was it even special? Not that Yujin recalled, but he stopped right then and there anyway. “I’ll undress then, you’ll have to let me in if I’m dry! And you’ve never seen penguins? Those fat little birds that slide around on their bellies? You want me to show them to you?” How on earth could the halfwolf have never seen them? Well, it didn’t matter much now anyway, not when Richard dipped on him and the wolf had to run after him, hoping to not fall face first into the heaps of snow that were causing his clothes to be wet in the first place. “Too bad, you’re getting a fight!”, he hissed instead, but he’d already been defeated once Richard had tossed his coat aside - Yujin had picked it up - and spread it out to get it dry - before he sat down in front of the tent and started taking off his own outer garments. “Will you let me in? Pretty please? I’ll give you whatever you want.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "I'm not!", Richard retaliated but it was kind of funny to see Yujins face full of snow and his face therefor red from the cold. Richard wasn't sure what to make of Yujin, sometimes he drove him mad but then he actually liked his company. This trip had been Richards idea after all and last night was also... well, it wasn't too bad. "Sure, why not. Maybe you actually ask him to train you, didn't you plan that?", Richard asked, after all Yujin wanted to spar eventually, they talked about that, right? Well maybe Yujin didn't even recall. "I see. It somehow makes sense, but it's also kind of stupid. And it still doesn't explain why someone would put your name on that grave.", Richard said, but enough with that. They wouldn't find any answers like this, they had to be patient and ask around town. Maybe Yujin wanted to do that alone anyway, Richard got his trip, that was all he wanted and he actually liked this valley and the cave. Maybe the grave and heart not so much, but he didn't really care either.

      "I see. So there is some traditional clothing for this.", Richard summed up and thus he didn't fancy any of that all too much. Richard thought about doing it depending on what it entailed. He didn't mind going for a hunt and he was pretty sure that Dayan would have loved a tradition like that and he would have gone all out. He also would have forced Richard to participate too and now Richard almost felt obliged to do it. "Less than three weeks.", Richard answered regarding his birthday. He wasn't even sure if this tradition thing was still possible or if it needed a lot of preparation. If it included a party Richard didn't want it actually. Especially not if it did invite the whole village. On the other hand if Nayantai and Yujin were the only ones showing up it was just sad and pathetic as well. Richard should forget about all of this. "I can't make a flower magically appear either, so tough luck.", Richard replied and had closed the entrance of the tent up. "Ah, those things. I've seen them.", Richard said from inside the tent while he tried to not get anything dirty and got rid of his boots. Eventually he tossed them outside and he didn't care if Yujin was in the way. The food was still outside though. Crap! "Whatever I want? I don't know... maybe I'll rather be alone.", Richard replied through the fabric, but he was just joking. For now however he wanted to hear Yujin beg some more actually. "You could bring me the food, then maybe I'll consider it."
    • "Yes you are!", he insisted. Squabbling with Richard felt oddly natural, maybe even a bit too much, but what did he know, maybe he put too much thought into all of this, only to realize that none of this was working in any of their favor. Yujin had many differing opinions on a bunch of things, but no matter what he found himself enticed by, it often enough didn't take long to lose said interest - it felt odd that the same didn't apply to Richard or any of the things he were to do with the blonde. Surely, there had to be a clue as to why he was genuinely enjoying this, or at least a hint at something that, albeit quite clear, barely made much sense. Did he think too much about it or was nothing of this even worth the hassle that they seemingly found themselves in? "Guess I gotta pester my old man, whatever I really want to or not", he grumbled, but it was almost obvious and Richard wasn't wrong - he wanted to be stronger than he had been so far, it only followed that he would keep trying his best, not to be an asset to the fallen prince, but rather some sort of worthy opponent or whatever great warriors tended to dream of. "We'll figure out more once we get back home", the wolf insisted, yet, maybe that wasn't the case to begin with - maybe they'd just get shut down again.

      "No ones going to force you to wear any, though. It's kind of a waste either way - you get to wear nice clothes and then immediately ruin them with dirt, snow and animal blood." Besides, those clothes were not made to last and even then, people kept them around, for burning them meant bad fortune for the rest of somebodies adult life - and they were barred from ever going to be kids again anyway. "Why not try it then? I can't give you pointers, that would be out of question and against traditions, but I could get you a nice reward." Not that sex counted, that wasn't even what Yujin had in mind to begin with. Was he trying to get Richard to agree to something outrageous? He had no idea, but he thought that all those traditional clothes would look half as bad as the blonde himself, who at least was graced with quite the beautiful face - smooth skin, doe eyes, plush lips ... none of which he wanted to hear, but Yujin liked it all and he'd never stop doing so. "Grow one for me then, I can wait a little while longer!" A dare, as unsuspecting as the next could be, but he would have given the blonde a sincere smile, if the fabric of the tent wasn't between them and if some wet shoes weren't tossed at him. "And lock me out of the tent? You're one mean sheep!" All bark, no bite - if Yujin wanted to get in, he probably could, but for now he complied and waddled over to the fireplace, only to retrieve the food they had set aside there to thaw ever so slighty. After grabbing it, he came back to the tend and shoved his offerings through an opening that he could make out between the fabric that separated him and Richard. "Can I come in now? Pleaaase? I even put your coat away from the fire so it won't be swallowed by all the flames! Am I not a good boy?" Fuck, he was a prince, why was he begging a commoner for something?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "I'm not the one that wanted to slide down here on his ass without thinking about how we'd get back up again.", Richard pointed out. maybe they would have fallen down more than once if not for that rope, it wasn't too steep, but snowy and under there was some slippery ice. Maybe that had cost Yujin something already at some point and he just didn't remember. Whatever it was that happened here, it had to wait until they got back and could ask Muhan and Quan. There probably was no one else the could talk to. Richard was maybe able to make Quan talk, but Shuren? No. He was king here, Nayantais friend and he sheltered them, Richard would get locked up in that hut probably. Richard wasn't even sure if he was able to, but Yujins parents didn't have any guards or so and Shuren looked rather feeble. Not that Richard looked awfully strong himself, especially packed up in this many clothes. He wasn't the biggest person in the world and he also didn't have any broad shoulders or a broad chest, that didn't mean he was weak though.

      "Mh... well I can hunt on my own anytime I want too.", Richard replied, if there wasn't anything special about it, what was the difference to a hunting trip? Didn't Yujin say what you bring home decides your fate or something? What was Yujins fate? Not that Richard believed in any of that to begin with. What would that prove anyway? It was just as useless as throwing children into the sea or making them drive a ship into a storm, yet Dayan and Richard did that at anyway... "I don't really need a reward...", Richard said, but maybe it would at least be a good test of strength. He could do that anytime he wanted to alone too though. "I didn't have flowers on my list, sorry.", Richard replied and he didn't even know if his vegetables worked out. He hoped Nayantai would water them as long as he was gone, or else he already would have fucked this up. Well they probably didn't need water every day. "Maybe you simply earned that treatment.", Richard answered, but still, he didn't mean to lock Yujin out for very long. Eventually he saw a hand coming through and inside to him to actually give Richard the food. The food warmed up a little bit, so they'd probably be able to eat it like this and Yujin was actually kind of cute when he did Richards bidding without complaining. "Fine.", he eventually said and made some room in the tent.
    • “It was a viable option, that’s all!”, the wolf complained and it seemed like a fun one too - sometimes, Richard acted as if he’d never had fun in his life before and no matter what he’d do from here on out, there barely was anything that mattered in that regard anyway. “Don’t you want to make some nice memories?”, he asked, almost sheepishly. Yujin wanted nothing more than for Richard to feel welcome here, as if he’d belong here and always had - his goal was to make the blonde feel at home, even if he was far from reaching that. One of many answers was, that Yujin himself didn’t quite understand why something like that was one of his top priorities - it had stuck with him, it always would, but that was it. “Consider it, it’s pretty fun. Even if you don’t believe in your own fate - you’ll get out there and be unbothered for a while, it’s a nice chance to get some air in your lungs and your mind free of pesky thoughts!” At least that logic would apply to anyone that wasn’t heavily traumatized and on the run from himself - Yujin knew that, but had taken note of it not being something he wanted to mention, in fact, it felt as if it only would get in their way if he kept pestering the former prince about his forlorn past.

      “You still have to pick one for winning the race earlier. And I’ll give you a reward, if you want one or not! You can’t make me stop!” That wasn’t entirely true, there just needed to be a few quite misplaced words that Yujin got in the wrong throat and voila, he’d think that he was not only the worst person in the world but also all over the place, having shitty mood swings that - by far - didn’t matter much, yet they threw everything out of balance all the time, too. “That’s fine, I’ll just get some seeds the next time I meet the merchant. You said they’d look good in that castle of ice, so why not? They’d definitely make it seem livelier!”, he chuckled and Richard hadn’t been wrong when they talked about that … had they even? It felt distant, but then again it didn’t - it made no sense, it almost seemed as if he remembered random tidbits. “How so? I was nothing but nice to you! I even used myself as a pillow so you wouldn’t get completely soaked!” Wasn’t Richard kind of evil, too? Sometimes he sure was, but for now Yujin was just glad he could crawl back into that tent - kicking his boots and wet clothes off on the way in - and let himself fall flat, face first, against the fur. “Thank you, I needed that”, he mumbled, not even looking up. “So what will it be?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.
    • "And yet you didn't take it.", Richard said, implying that he had been right and Yujin admitted it by rather using his approach. Being hurt out here wouldn't be good, but at least they were two people and not alone, so either of them could help the other, or get help. Richard always had been cautious. He needed to be, because Dayan wasn't at all! In the end Dayan saved him most of the times though, for example when his heart decided to give out at the worst possible time. Could Richard even go anywhere alone? Damn! "Not really...", Richard mumbled. He had enough memories, many of them being nice. But that didn't help, instead it just hurt him thinking about all of that, so he rather didn't get more that would only break him in the end. "But I can go out to hunt anytime I want. What's the difference?", Richard asked. He wasn't sure about all of that. "I'm only considering it because my brother would have forced me to do it anyway...", Richard admitted eventually. He didn't talk about his past very often, but Yujin didn't need to be jumpy when he did. He knew he freaked out numerous times before, but he didn't always, even though he felt like his chest started hurting right now. He didn't want that, but happy memories were worth nothing when the person in them was dead.

      "What if I want you to stop as my reward?", Richard asked, he still didn't come up with anything, he had nothing he wanted right now, but he had his own dept to pay at some point, he knew that. Richard wondered if Yujin would actually get some other seeds and if he would grow them himself in his bathroom or if he brought them to Richard. Wouldn't he forget the plants existed in the first place? He probably wasn't a good gardener himself, but he could always tell a servant to care for them for him. Yujin was allowed in the tent and so he came in, got rid of his shoes and wet parts of his clothing, only to simply fall on his face. Richard meanwhile was grabbing some of the food to chew on some dried meat he brought with them. "You threw snow in my face though.", Richard reminded Yujin and looked at him ling there. The tent wasn't very big, so it was hard to find a good spot to sit straight in there, especially when he wasn't alone and more moved to the side so Yujin had space to crawl in and lie down. "What will it be? What do you mean?"