bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

    • Why didn't he just pester one of the employees at the den for a glass of water? He'd agreed to come down here, to see this usually lively place turn into something less lively, despite the usual three people being there, plus one extra, which wasn't too surprising. The things that Richard had told him, he ignored, because there was no need to spin this conversation into something endless, into something that would stop either of them from saying too much and therefore, would stop either of them from being upset with the other. It was just like that, there was no need and no reason to change anything and Yujin couldn't help it but perceive this life as boring, even though it really wasn't. What had he done if Richard hadn't come down here, though? He'd still be the same old person, with or without sulking, but he still got what he wanted, even if it felt wrong, but that would change eventually. "Overestimate? If I can fuck someone in ten minutes, I'm either inclined to believe only one of us finished or someone has shit stamina which ... is really underwhelming", he answered Richard, but for some reason, Quan found that funny. "Says you, of all people." "Says the guy who couldn't satisfy anyone in this room, once." "HEY!", Quan yelled, but he went back to laughing soon thereafter.

      "Oh, Quan does", Yujin told Richard, but that, again, was something that wasn't important because if anything, Quan only knew basic sentences and that wasn't one of them - hopefully. Sure, he had learned some from the few times he was talking with Yujin, was curious about the bullshit he was spewing when taking lessons with his brother, but it never evolved beyond the basics. "He doesn't, I'm kidding", Yujin giggled, he had just wanted to make some fun of the blonde and that meant, for better or for worse, he was in a good mood or at least trying to fake said good mood. "Mh, something to soak up the alcohol would be nice, I guess", Yujin said, grabbed the bowl and held it, he hogged it actually, and began eating at least a bit, only for Jia to shoot him a glance that was very much akin to 'give that here, I'll feed you, you're going to throw up if you don't slow down' - but this time, he didn't do anything. "N-No! That's not it!", Kun exclaimed, he looked even more embarrassed than before, like a little beet that had just taken on random colors. "It was nice and I'm still embarrassed", he told Richard, but then, Quan, who had prodded himself up next to him, took his head and pressed it against his chest. "And he's drunk. And he got rejected. Soooo, how about Jia takes his girlfriend home, I take Kun home and you fuck that lily of yours?", Quan said, before he got a pillow thrown at him, which came from Yujin, who'd grabbed and tossed it. "I'm not going to sleep with you", Kun said. "I beg to differ." All the while this went on, Yujin had an idea that sounded about as batshit as it was. "Wait, can you go to Kuns place? Can I have your house for the night?", he proposed to Quan, who looked like he was going insane. "So you want to fuck some random guy in my house while I'm elsewhere?" "Yes." "Be my guest." What the fuck?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • The mood in here was still good and Yujin at least acted like he felt better, but maybe the prospect of spending the night with Richard was enough to heighten his spirits? Well that sounded stupid actually. "Or... you're just really good?", Richard suggested and looked at both Yujin and Quan. "So does Yujin have shit stamina or does he always finish alone? And how do you know?", he asked Quan as if he didn't know all of those answers himself. If anyone had shit stamina it was Richard, because he believed Yujin was much more capable to keep going. Also... up until now, both of them finished every single time, but thinking about that was weird and embarrassing and it also hadn't happened all that often. Two times and one of those times twice, so three times. And they'd probably add another one to that list. Three times the charme, right? Maybe after that they ether had enough of each other, or they would come back for even more. Richard asked himself how it would be to fuck him being sober for a second, but he also believed that wouldn't happen for a very obvious reason. When Richard wasn't drunk, high or vulnerable, he didn't allow himself any of that. Seeing it only as sex though, why not actually? Well probably, because he hated to look vulnerable most of the time.

      Richard looked a little bit shocked when Yujin told him, that Quan understood them. "What?", he asked, looked at the brown haired wolf and then back to Yujin. Upon realizing he had been fooled, he gave Yujin a little push. "Idiot.", he grumbled and furrowed his brows. That hadn't been funny, simply because he revealed too much information just now. Maybe he shouldn't automatically assume that no one understood him when he talked Adrestian. Yujin agreed to eat something and got a hold of the bowl. He started eating right away and at a pace that suggested he wanted to eat all of it up and Richard was sick of standing around. "Let's sit down then.", he said, finally closed the door behind them and sat down. Once he let himself fall on the pillows he pulled on Yujins sleeve to have him follow. Kun however still seemed a little bit out of it, well Richards kiss hadn't been traumatizing - good. "No need to be.", Richard simply said, why would he be embarrassed, he wanted to be kissed and it was nothing more than a game. "Rejected?", he asked suddenly a little bit interested, but Quan already spouted his plans for the night. Richard actually didn't know what to say to that. Yujins friends probably didn't mind if he slept with Richard or anybody else, but then again what did Richard know? The less people knew about it, the better probably. Thankfully Kun was the one refusing all that first. Yujin then suddenly suggested something that sounded like a plan, well as long as Quan lived alone, otherwise that would be awkward? Most of them were already grown ups though, right? Not too long ago multiple generations of wolves lived in one tent together on the other hand, that was how Nayantai grew up. Quan also was dismissing the idea of Yujin and Richard spending the night together as it seemed, because he talked about 'some random guy', which was nice enough. Also he basically just gave his blessing, but Richard tried his best to not have any movement in his face whatsoever. Maybe they should leave apart from each other? But Richard didn't know where this guy lived, so he couldn't exactly go on ahead. He was at a loss, but he also couldn't look at Yujin for any form of affirmation what to do next.

    • "Good? Nobody in this room can fuck except, maybe, just maybe, Jia - but I could be wrong, maybe his girlfriend fucks h-", Quan started, but Jia just sighed. "Who cares?" "Doesn't sound really convincing." And off went their conversation about how sex didn't have to be the focal point of a relationship and what a horny bastard Quan was, only for a moment though, because he felt the need to answer Yujin, who was now sitting there and stuffing his face with food. "We fucked a few times and it was a real treat when his leg gave out once", the wolf laughed, and Yujin just sighed. "It happened once!", he complained, but Jia still had a bone to pick with Quan, as it seemed. Surely, this was more of a hassle than it actually was worth, wasn't it? Not only that, though, he also wondered what it was with everyone trying to fuck someone that wasn't theirs tonight. Yujin was sure he would have been welcome to share a bed with Jia and his girlfriend, Quan would have taken Richard home if they hadn't found out that they weren't working all that well together in a sexual sense and apparently, Kun had tried to angle himself someone, too - but now, they all were there, pretty much without the person they'd actually intended to bed tonight, weren't they? "What I was trying to say, I had some flings with Yujin and they all were ... alright?", Quan eventually said, before reaching for another bottle - how was this guy still going?

      "That one was deserved", Yujin giggled as Richard had pushed him, but only because he was actually trying to coax some sort of reaction out of him, didn't he? Was it even worth the effort and the pain, though? "I mean, yes, but it was good", Kun mumbled and yet, he still seemed like he hadn't thought that anyone would kiss him deliberately like that, yet they had and this was going to get weird - but Yujin could watch, especially when it got interesting. "One of the girls that were here earlier - I actually ... uh ..." "What he was trying to say is, he was going to get himself a nice fling for the night and got flatout declined while you two were gone, so now he's embarrassed about two things at once, but don't worry, I'll fix it." "You won't fix shit." What was it with Quan and hassling everyone, riling up all the people he could find and actually making their life a living hell, just so that they'd fight him? Yujin didn't know, but Jia eventually got up, so did his girlfriend, and they both pretty much said their goodbyes before leaving as well. Weird, wasn't it? "Give me the keys, then", he implored Quan, who did chuck something across the table - looked like a skeleton key, would probably fit. The prince put his bowl aside and grabbed one of the bottles, just in case, before offering Richard a hand. "What are we waiting for? And before you ask, we'll be alone, but it will probably be pretty messy." Quan couldn't do anything, could he? "Don't ruin my bed!", he suddenly yelled. "Don't ruin Kun", Yujin only answered and all he got as an answer was snickering.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard felt left out, they also didn't know if he was any good, but nobody cared - how rude. At least Quan knew he could easily have his nose broken by the blonde and he was proud of that. Actually though, he didn't care who was good and who wasn't, because he knew that he liked his nights with Yujin and they had an arrangement, right? Why would he need anybody else? Actually why would he try anybody else who would just end up worse. "Why did you fuck him more than once?", he suddenly blurted out a question directed at Yujin. Did he forget how bad it was the first time? No that... was actually unfair, because yes Quan and him were no good match at all, but Yujin kind of wanted an asshole like him, right? Because he also showed interest in Richard. Ugh... did he just compare himself to that stupid wolf? My god, he was seriously wasted, right? Jia seemed pissed now, because Quan talked about his girlfriend like that, but oh well, he also didn't say that she was very good in bed which maybe explained her pouting. "And who did you have good sex with?", Richard suddenly asked, kind of implying that Quan might have been the problem, just to balance the scale in here again.

      Looking at Kun Richard raised his eyebrow even more. What was wrong? Did he accidently break him, because the kiss was actually too good? He wasn't sure what was going on with him. He was kind of funny though when he tried to explained what happened. Sure he was a quiet one but he didn't take him as shy. Quan was explaining the situation and once more offered himself to Kun and got declined once more. "Just punch him to get rid of him. Worked for me.", Richard encouraged Kun and in the end maybe he would just leave him out in the cold and Yujin and Richard wouldn't let him in his own house. Well that was kind of mean, but he had it coming. Or maybe... he did sleep with Kun and he'd regret it afterwards. Yujin was asking for the keys now and got them. He just stood up and wuite obviously asked Richard to come. Now he was the one who was embarrassed, took Yujins hand and let himself be pulled up. Gods why could he just leave with Quan but when Yujin asked him to follow him it was just embarrassing? "I can live with messy. Is it okay for them to know?", he asked a little bit quieter this time. Although Yujin said he just had been joking, Richard suddenly wasn't so sure anymore. "Good night...", he mumbled over his shoulder and followed Yujin outside.

    • "Quan? Because I'm insane and also because I thought that he was worth it, well, he wasn't", Yujin told Richard. But then, he shook his head. "No idea, I think we fucked a few times but I can't remember anymore, its all blurry and messed up." That was the truth he had to live with and actually, he didn't want to tell Richard that his memories of their night together were already barely present, simply because his head couldn't keep up and seemingly didn't think of any of this as really all that important, which was a shame. Then again, he forgot everything if only he put his mind to it and that, in turn, forced some crude reactions out of him. "None of the people present, but I'll change that!" "No you won't, now let me go!", Kun implored the brunette, but it seemingly wasn't even going to happen if he actually struggled, so that would be fun for both of them, something that Yujin didn't actually to be a part of, which was why he just waved with his hand and then, well, he strung Richard along to leave this shitty place, bottle of alcohol and key in hand, and the other one, well, it was holding onto the blonde. First, though, he might as well have turned around a bit too fucking much, especially when he was searching for the direction to go in, and once he found it, waltzed right off - why was he still holding Richards hand, though?

      "To know that we're fucking? I think that's fine, they'll come for you anyway", this was nothing official, again, no strings attached, so off into the night they went. Eventually, Yujin did lead Richard to a house in Silesse, it wasn't too far out, it didn't look too shabby either and as he pushed the key into the hole, unlocked it and then opened it, he also took the key with him once more, pulled the blonde in, and then locked the door behind them, key still sticking inside of the hole. Normally he'd bang Richard against the door and make out with him right then and there, but he didn't, he sat the bottle of alcohol down on the kitchen table once he'd felt his way around, grabbed one of the candles from the walls and went over to the barely crackling fireplace to light it up. "I guess he cleaned", the wolf suddenly blurted out, having long let go of Richard altogether - but he did slide out of his mantle already, because that had been bothering him. "Bedroom's over there", he explained, pointing into said direction with his head and then waltzing over there, before kicking off his boots before the bedroom door and slipping in. It was cold in here, that had been why he brought the candle, just to get one of the wood stacks in the fireplace to light up and to then walk over to the blinds and close them, before setting the candle aside. "Actually, it's pretty silent here."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard wasn't sure what to think of that answer, but there was nothing to do about it, right? Yujin didn't sound like he'd ever sleep with Quan again and even if he did, that was fine. What was it that made him forget? The alcohol, the opium, or his stupid brain? Richard didn't like that thought nor did he like that topic for whatever reason, it made him upset somehow. He didn't say anything and looked at Kun and Quan, they still fought about if they'd fuck or not an that was a good distraction. Anyway, none of that mattered anymore. Jia and his girlfriend had already left and now Yujin was grabbing all he needed, including Richard and made his way out, only waving as an goodbye. With that Quan and Kun were alone, as well as Richard and Yujin were. Once they got outside into the cold air again, Yujin checked every direction as if he forgot where Quan lived. Yujin still held Richards hand and eventually started walking, Richard followd without saying another word. They walked past a view huts and it seemed like they were aiming at the edge of the town, in the end though, it didn't really matter where they went exactly.

      "Okay.", Richard simply said. He didn't believe any of them would rat Yujin out to his girlfriend and even if they did it felt like this was an reoccurring thing. Wolves didn't seem all that faithful, all of Yujins friends had a girlfriend and none of them cared and still slept with whoever was available that night. Maybe it wasn't as big of a deal as it was in Adrestia. Eventually they reached the hut and Yujin led Richard inside. He closed the door, let go of his hand and waltzed off to get rid of the bottle and to light a candle and with it another fireplace. "You don't have to make a fire, I've survived in the castle too, you know?", Richard said slowly walking in too and actually grabbing the bottle to take a gulp. All of this suddenly felt awkward. Why didn't they kiss right away as they usually did? Why wasn't Yujin clingy? Was he still upset about Quan and Richard and about the blonde treating him like shit most of the time? The half-wolf set the bottle aside again and followed Yujin into the bedroom. He watched him close the blinds and just stood there in the door frame, not sure what was happening right now. "I guess...", he answered. Yes it was silent, but Silesse always was, even in the light of day. Myriad was always busy and if it weren't people that made a lot of noise it was the birds and insects that filled the air with chirping and chippering. All the noises out here came from people or from actual wolves howling in the distance.

    • "I'm cold", Yujin suddenly announced and he wasn't sure if he actually was, but he did this for himself and Richard, too. Sure, something would come of that, but maybe the blonde would thank him later once they both were out of bodyheat to share, if that was even possible. What was next? Waking up and figuring it all out for himself? Or was it something else entirely? Whatever the case, they came here to fuck and yet, Yujin was the one that was supposed to do something, that was always doing something to make it better, so why wasn't he? There was no answer to that, not when he had sat the candle aside and not when Richard kept standing in the doorway - this was stupid, he wanted to blow this guy, didn't he? He'd do it, there were no strings attached and it wouldn't hurt and he could just forget about his feelings like he forgot about all of the things that he wanted to remember the entire time. "Stop just standing there", he demanded, walked over to the blonde and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, into the room, to close the door behind them and to actually press Richard back against the door that he just had slammed shut like that. Fuck, what was he supposed to do?

      "I figured", he started, leaning forward to give the blonde a kiss, it wasn't as needy as it usually would be, but it sufficed - and hopefully tasted like food or something, not like thrown up booze. "If I suck you off, you won't have to listen to me talking and we're both fine", Yujin elaborated, fumbled some more with the buttons of Richards shirt and when he thought he had it, left it alone and started fumbling around with his pants, all the while he moved his lips from Richards own to his collarbone, to dig his teeth in there, to leave a bruise, then suck on the spot regardless and give it a kiss or two, as if that was going to change anything. There still was a unaddressed elephant in the room, though, which was probably why he eventually stopped right then and there - they weren't going to fuck, though, he was sure Quan kept some oil in this room - they'd suck one another off and Richard could sleep in the bed if he wanted to, Yujin would just discretly remove himself. So, if he asked Richard to take off that stupid neckerchief of his, that ... would be too personal, right? For now, he ignored it instead, forced another kiss onto the blonde, forced his own tongue into his mouth and let his hands slide over his upper body, before he eventually went back to his pants, which he just pulled down once he'd undone them. "Anything else?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Yujin was cold? Was that even possible? Well Richard didn't question it, the wolf already lit the fireplace, there was no point in trying to stop the flames now, they already ate away the wood in there. Quans hut was actually not that bad and cleaner than anticipated, but Yujin pointed that out already. Well maybe he had a secret girlfriend that had done that for him? He knew. Either way Richard was glad that he wasn't at the castle, with all those servants that would see him, with Yujins family to walk around the hallways and with the need to keep quiet if they ended up in Yujins room which was adjacent to his sisters. This hut was fine and yet something seemed off. Yujin walked over to grab Richard at his collar. He forced him inside, closed the door and suddenly pushed him against the wood. The blonde received a kiss, it was kind of soft, not as impatient as usual. Yujin did a good enough job in removing any trace of throwing up, he tasted a little bit spicy from the food he stuffed himself with and that was about all. Richard himself probably tasted like alcohol mostly.

      "I don't mind you talking.", Richard replied. Something was off, right? Yujin was upset, he could feel it and it had to do with Richard pushing him away last time, although they had a good time just seconds before. It had to do with the blonde getting upset by the tiniest things, without any prior warning whatsoever, didn't it? Was their little arrangement already doomed to fail? Back at the den he was excited, now not so much. Yujin opened up Richards shirt, then he opened his pants, kissed him, but it stell felt off. He left marks which wasn't unusual but that still felt different, didn't it? And it wasn't because Quan already left some marks there, or Richards side had hurt a bit when he was pushed against the door. There was another kiss, Richard flinched just a little bit, his jaw still hurt, so did other parts of his face, but it was fine. There was more tongue this time and the sensation of Yujins fingers crawling over his upper body. Richards pants were pulled down. Richard wasn't sure if he just imagined things, if he was the problem, or Yujin, but maybe he should just shut up and try to indulge in all of this. Once Yujin started, all of that wouldn't matter anyway, right? But instead of doing just that, he grabbed a fist full of Yujins hair from the back of his head and forced him to look in those wolfish eyes of his. "You're not upset, are you?", he asked. He just wanted this to feel like always, or did he ruin it eventually, by being himself, by being a dick to the prince?

    • This had to feel a certain way, just like always, they needed nothing more, they just needed to be themselves and they'd figure it out somehow, it wouldn't be that bad - it couldn't be that bad. Yujin knew that they might be failing, dying while trying, anything, something, but this was just sex and sometimes, even sex sucked. Richard might have noticed that something was going on by now, but Yujin didn't care, he'd push through this and then, once he was over with it, they'd go their seperate ways as intended. Emotions weren't supposed to be here, there wasn't even a need to figure it out for any of them, they already had it figured out and the verdict was, that hell was just another place on this godforsaken earth and that they wouldn't have to deal with all of this bullshit much longer if they made it quick, painless, and easy. Slathering himself against Richard, giving him a messy blowjob, doing something would be the key to it all, the key to the end of the world, but instead, he felt confused, upset with himself for being a selfish prick and trying to deprive the blonde of fun, of pleasure, because he wanted this to be ugly, unlikeable and rough so he could cut all of this to pieces and get rid of the only person he wanted to have, because that was childish and foolish on his part.

      "If I talk, you're going to be upset eventually", he concluded, which was why he was being honest right now - and it also was why he'd offered to keep his mouth busy like that, to get on his knees and avoid looking at the blonde, to escape a gaze he didn't want to answer, to escape touches the felt everything but right on his skin. Why was Richard bruised? Probably from his fight, but Yujin didn't ask many questions, he avoided some of the spots, but the ones that Quan had left there just upset him even more - and that was probably why he dug his teeth into those in the first place. But there wasn't much room to play with, not when Richard got ahold of his hair and tore him away. Yujin stared at him, tried to figure out what he wanted from the glance they were exchanging alone, but eventually, he avoided it. This wasn't supposed to happen. "Why are you asking?", he blurted out, grumbled almost and still, he did nothing to get rid of that grip that was starting to somewhat hurt not too long after. "Even if I was, that's none of your business - you don't need to care. If I'm upset or pissed, that's my own fault because I didn't listen to you the first time - and I'm tired of bothering you with my shitty, childish problems", Yujin growled. Was he upset? Definitely. But there was no use. "Why cry over spoiled milk?", he wanted to know, but he was right, there was no need to.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard didn't want this if he was the only one. He wasn't like Yin who forced herself on her boyfriend to prove something, to prove she still meant something to it and was worth staying with him. Whatever Richard wanted, he didn't want it if Yujin didn't comply, if he felt forced to do it. Richard could guess why he was upset, he had been upset the last time too, but Richard looked so down and pitiful that Yujin just gave way, didn't he? Not today, not when Richard probably felt better than Yujin did, because he didn't sulk over bullshit, he just numbed all the pain. But now all of this was for naught because instead of dealing with his original pain, he got some new one presented to him, only because he had been a dick to the only person that made him feel good. Was he an idiot for doing that? But he had reasons, good ones! It was better for Yujin to be upset, to hate him eventually but Richard got attached didn't he? Because he didn't want to get ditched, he didn't want to get pushed away by him and lose someone else, someone he only knew for a few weeks. Richard didn't know how to act and what to do about any of this, he didn't know how to feel.

      "I never get upset when I'm high.", Richard pointed out and it was true. All the times they were high they talked a lot and he didn't mind. They spouted bullshit, sometimes got serious, whatever it was, he didn't care, he didn't push Yujin away. Wasn't that enough for him? Being with him when he was out of it and not himself? That was why he wanted to leave after this in the first place, because he didn't want to be an asshole to him, but he also didn't want him to think it was anything more than sex. But it was, because they talked. Yujin was kissing him, eventually bit him even and Richard flinched once more. That didn't feel like something loving, it also didn't feel emotionless, there was a lot of emotion, but not the right one. Now that Richard held him however Yujin averted his gaze and didn't want to look at him. "Because I don't want this if you don't want it.", Richard answered, his voice unwavering, his position wouldn't change. "It is my business if it's about me.", Richard said, eventually let go of Yujins hair, but pushed him away a bit, off of him. "I get it! I was an ass and you're mad. I don't blame you. I can't change for you though, I don't want to. So if this is too much for you, I guess that's it.", he concluded and started to put his pants back on, then he buttoned up his shirt. "It was nice as long as it lasted, but it's fine. You deserve better and I'll be gone soon enough. Don't worry." He already was opening the door of Quans bedroom. This... hurt, didn't it? That was precisely what he didn't want. Lose someone again. Well at least Yujin wasn't dead and he was better off forgetting Richard ever existed anyway. And Richard was better off alone. He just wanted to leave and get back home. Home as in Adrestia.

    • Both of them, they both were full of themselves, he knew as much, but this not only stung, it hurt, it burned, it etched itself into his skin and he felt as if all his anger was misdirected, as if Richard didn't deserve the treatment he got, but there he was again, upset about something completely different because Yujin of Silesse couldn't act like he didn't care, because he wanted some unneccessary emotions and because he couldn't swallow all of it, that was it, wasn't it? But that also meant that Richard was going ot leave, that he no longer was interesting to the blonde, that he'd stay here and rot some more, search for himself in this puddle of blood that didn't yet exist, wonder when and how he'd forget, feel awful about it all. This was not what Yujin wanted, but he got pushed away anyway, discarded like Richard was done playing with him and that felt even worse, didn't it? He didn't want to be done with him, he actually wanted a piece of him, a big one at that and he wasn't going to just accept it all, hold it at face value and not consider it for what it was worth. Richard had offered him to fuck, but, now that they weren't sober and Richard had said he'd not get upset when he was intoxicated, Yujin very much didn't want to spend the night where he was. "I never said I didn't want it", he hissed and grabbed the hand that he normally wouldn't have let go of in the first place.

      "Fine, then this is about us, it's our business - and since we're both intoxicated, we can talk about this", Yujin suddenly suggested, still clinging to that hand as if his life depended on it. What was he going to do? Cry, become the ugly mess that this situation set him out to be? Whatever it was, it didn't matter, but he didn't want this to end on the sour note that it was ending on right now. "I never said it was too much, you're just ... stop running off", the wolf urged, pulled on the arm who's owner was trying to get away from his. This wasn't fun, this wasn't silly or anything like that and the wolf found himself trying to salvage something that would best be left to rot in a corner - maybe that was also why he did, eventually, pull Richard in a hug, something that felt more like it was full of sustenance than a mere, stupid sentence flung at somebodies head. "Just, shut up for a second." That was all he could say, but he was the one that didn't know what to do, that didn't know why he clung to Richard in the first place and why everything was crashing and burning and why he just was trying to fish all of it so suddenly. "Look", the wolf exclaimed. "We talked about this already, right? It's my fault for thinking that maybe, I can have something of you that you aren't willing to give me, I'm upset and crying over spoiled milk like a little kid. I don't want you to go anywhere, I don't want to be alone, but I also don't want anyone else here, in your stead. I thought I was doing you a favor by just seeing this as what it was, but I'm clearly not ... so, give me one more chance, please?" Was he crying? Had Richard ever seen him cry? He wasn't sure, but he sure was aware that the alcohol wasn't doing him any favors and he definitely was sniffling. "... please ...?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "You've said it. Just not with words.", Richard pointed out. He could feel this was off, that Yujin was upset and mad and sad about things. He felt that Yujin actually didn't want to spend a night with Richard right now, although just twenty minutes ago, after the blonde calmed him down, he seemed happy and as if he was looking forward to it. Richard didn't get him but as much as he didn't, Yujin didn't get the blonde either. Because his mood swung from left to right in a second, because every word was able to remind him of something he didn't want to remember and because he felt things he didn't want to feel. He was scared, that was all there was to it and sex wouldn't fix him, drugs wouldn't either, the only hope he had was to kill those who killed his family and even then he knew all that would be left was darkness. No one was able to pull him out of this, no one would ever be able to as much as no one ever was able to save Nayantai and he still struggled, all alone once more, because this was his fate and Richards fate. Rain might have numbed the pain, just like the drugs did for Richard, just like the fighting did, the physical pain and the sex, but that didn't mean that it would ever be gone and thus death was the only answer to it all. But not yet, not now, not when he still had a part to play in this world, only the play wasn't set here in Silesse. Yujin grabbed his hand and Richard stopped for a second, but then he opened the door anyway.

      "There is no point to it.", Richard answered, because the things they wanted didn't match. Yujin urged him to stay, urged him to talk to him about their opinions that wouldn't waver. There was another pull and as Richard turned around to face the wolf, not letting him go, he was pulled into a hug, that was so different from what happened just minutes ago. Richard did shut up, just like Yujin asked and he was stunned, not sure what to do and not sure what he was feeling. This was too much, none of this should have happened, if there were no feelings involved, this situation wouldn't even exist. Was Yujin crying...? "Yujin. You'll never stop wanting more.", Richard explained calmly. "If I let this continue, you'll just get hurt even more. This is not fair to you. There are no more chances, because all you would do is swallow down that for whatever reason, you have feelings for me." It wasn't fair, not at all. He didn't want to lose Yujin, but he also couldn't bring himself to admit to any of that. Still he slowly raised his arms and wrapped them softly around Yujin, to calm him down, to stroke over his head and back. This felt good and it hurt at the same time. It felt like he was losing someone else right here and now, someone he barely knew but who had pulled Richard out of the mud more than once. But he couldn't just barge into his life, scramble Yujins feelings up, screw up his life and then when he felt like it swoop out again to die somewhere in Adrestia - alone. Was Richard even honest though? He pressed Yujin against himself a tad bit more and ignored the pain in his side. He didn't want to let go. He couldn't lose anyone else, but he already was. What if he admitted it? Would their relationship change? Could Richard even let this happen when he was sober? Did he want that? He rather pretended himself that he didn't feel anything for the wolf, that this was just fun and games and the rest of the time he hated him or thought he was annoying. He wasn't someone to be with, he wasn't someone who was capable of being a boyfriend, or even a simple friend. Was he... crying too...? Fuck... this was anything but no strings attached... That probably was also the reason why it was hard to let him go, but it was as hard to continue doing this. Whatever he did, it hurt, but if he ended it now, it probably hurt Yujin less.

    • This wasn't fair, but it hadn't been from the start. What did Yujin mourn for and why did he do it? If he just let Richard go, slip out of his grasp, didn't care what was happening, he wouldn't have minded any of this. He was too full of himself, had grown to attached to someone that neither wanted his attention nor anything like that and he knew that this was a bad idea, wasn't it? There were plenty of people in Silesse that were going nowhere, that wouldn't try to see the world, that had not destiny to realize and that hadn't grown numb to their own feelings, but Yujin specifically had to fall for the single person that wasn't any of those things, that had clarified that there was nothing to be gained from that multiple times and now, just because he'd gotten things in the wrong throat, he was acting as if this entire place belonged to him, as if his pain was greater than any that either of them had ever felt, but it wasn't. This was going to be quick, they didn't know one another for long and if he was lucky and avoided the hut at the outskirts of town, just distracted himself, he'd eventually forget who Richard was, what time they spend together and the hole in his chest would close up, he'd go back to liking Yin or something alont hose lines - and he'd never think twice about it.

      "I know, but it's still unfair", Yujin mumbled, bit back some sobs that definitely were going to come over his lips one way or the other, just because it felt nice to be hugged back like that, to be given attention, taken seriously and not have Richard run off immediately for once, but this wasn't going to last long and he knew as much. This ... approach wasn't doing them any favors, right? "But", he suddenly started, he was a mess already and probably clawing himself into the fabric of Richards clothing a bit too much - why did all of this turn to shit, really? "I ... I'd rather be hurt later than be hurt now and ... you're not leaving right now, right? As long as you're here, we can have fun and make things right", he forced out of his throat, croaked almost, as he hid his face im some sort of fabric that was attached to Richard, well, it was something he currently was wearing after all, wasn't it? "You're not going anywhere immediately and ... and ... I'll still be here when you're gone, you ... you don't have to leave and never come back, you know? That's what you're worried ... about, right?" Was he sad? Yes, but even more so, he was sobbing, trying to find a good excuse to stick with Richard, at least for a little while longer, at least for a little bit more, but right about now, they both were crying and fuck, that definitely hurt a bit more than it should have - this wasn't what it ought to be, definitely not. "And ...", he wrapped his arms around the blonde, just a bit tighter, stroking his own back to calm him down. "If you don't ... want any of that ... at least ... just let me have tonight? I'll leave you be after that ... if that's what you want." Richard just had to tell him, shove him away or actually run off, he'd have to accept it, there was no other way around it and it wouldn't be so bad, he'd forget, it was fine, he'd forget. "Just ... please ...", the wolf sniffled and he felt absolutely pathetic.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard felt how Yujin was crying and sobbing, he felt his clothes getting wet and the wolfs body shake. He still held him, as if it would help that he was the one holding him and trying to calm him down. He actually was the last person who should do this, but he didn't let go and in the process started to cry himself, although he didn't sob, it was just tears that flowed down his cheeks and which he wiped away with his sleeve as secretly as he could. Why did he cry? Because he couldn't watch Yujin sob like that and not feel something? What did he feel? Remorse? Or was he hurt and sad because this came to an end and he was no longer able to pretend that there was nothing between them? If he let Yujin close, if he let him in, wouldn't he just hurt him over and over again, because he reached certain points that made him yell at him? That made him push him farther away, only to ask him for another night again? Yujin was wrong if he believed he wanted that and he was wrong if he thought he could somehow save Richard, because he couldn't. Too much had happened, too much that was burnt into his head and heart and would never leave him.

      "It will always hurt... you can't run away from the pain... It will just get worse...", Richard replied mumbling and as if he needed to explain to a child what death was. He still was stroking over Yujins head, why was he comforting him though? That made things worse, didn't it? "And it will never be right. Yujin... you were upset and mad at me for a reason. That reason won't change. I won't change.", he explained, but he had the feeling that all those words wouldn't convince Yujin and as long as he held him like that, nothing he said would. "You'll forget about me. And I won't come back." Richard would die in Adrestia, one way or another. He wouldn't crawl back here, he knew that killing all those who betrayed his family wouldn't work out, not if he was alone, but he didn't want an army. He didn't want a war like his father had fought one. He'd die and if not by the hands of those who took everything from him, he'd do it himself at some point. There was only revenge for him, there was no other reason to live, he didn't want one. He couldn't have one. "I'm worried about losing someone else. I can't take that...", he finally admitted, because Yujin was wrong with his assumptions, he didn't fear that he wouldn't come back, he feared that he lost Yujin, or that he wouldn't be able to leave in the first place. He also feared being happy, because he was sure he didn't deserve that, but there was no point in telling him, he'd just try to convince Richard otherwise. "What does... one more night accomplish...?", Richard asked. And besides, what would they even do? Stand here and hold each other all night?

    • What was this even worth? They’d bawl their eyes out now and eventually, he’d gain nothing from that - he’d have a girlfriend that he needed to marry eventually, he still had a title that he’d have to uphold, and there would be nothing to save him from the truth, which was in plain sight. Richard wasn’t going to stay in Silesse, he’d talked about loathing it, hating this stupid place and Yujin couldn’t blame him, but still, wasn’t it sad that they both were crying about something so trivial? Their relationship wasn’t supposed to mean anything, yet it meant many things - too many - and he knew that this wouldn’t be fruitful, not in the slightest. “I don’t care ... that’s fine by me. I ... I signed up for this and I told you, I don’t mind”, Yujin said, choking back a sob. This was how it was supposed to be, this didn’t actually have to happen, though - if only he kept his mind off of stupid things like love, he might as well have had the chance to do something else, to not fall for an adrestian idiot that wanted nothing from him, didn’t he? But instead, he was the one that looked for comfort, from someone that didn’t want any of this, that didn’t want him or anything related to him.

      “I don’t care. You’re ... you’re leaving eventually, but while you’re here, can’t I at least be a little bit selfish? I know, I’m not doing either of us a favor .. but ... but ...”, what but? He was cutting into his own flesh and the longer he did it, the deeper it would be and the harder it would be to get rid of the scar that it would leave. The wound didn’t have to be physical, it never did - it was fine the way it was, just like that. “I ... don’t want to forget about you. Why would ... I even do that?” This sounded silly and it was, but the truth was, Yujin would forget, Richard hit the nail on the hand and in the end, it would be unfair to the blonde to have him live like this, to expect that he’d love him back, only to discard it all in the end. “Even if you won’t come back, I’ll still be here ... and if you want, I’ll come with you. That way I don’t have to say goodbye to you and you ... you won’t lose me”, that was a shit excuse. He wasn’t someone that would wait for Richard for the rest of his life, only to figure out that he did so in vain, that the blonde had died ages ago and that it no longer mattered, nothing of it did, in fact. “Just ... one more night, right? I want to be selfish, I don’t want to have you run off right now. After that, you ... if you don’t want to, you won’t have to look at me again and we’ll stop it before it starts hurting too much ... before it becomes unbearable, so ... just ... let me have this.” Did Richard even want that? Yujin didn’t know, but he knew that this situation would end like this, especially if they were left alone like this - and now, that was what it had resulted in. “But ... I don’t want to force myself onto you either ... I’m sorry”, then why was he still holding Richard like that? He ought to let go.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard didn't know how to tell Yujin that all of this was in vain and that it would just hurt him more and more, every time Richard didn't feel like being nice, every time he felt like it was too much and he needed tu push him away again. Why didn't he do that now? Why did his embrace get tighter and tighter, instead of letting him go, pushing him off and leaving. It would be easier if he just did that, if he just told Yujin off right now and stopped speaking to him, but he did want him at least as a friend, because he needed someone that pulled him on his feet at days he felt the worst, like today. Maybe he should have never slept with him, maybe he should have never involved himself that much, but when his mind was clouded because he was drunk and high, all that bullshit left his lips and for some reason it stuck to Yujin who was supposed to forget everything anyway. He probably forgot the words, but the feelings he developed stuck, wasn't that confusing? Was that also the reason why he couldn't stay mad at Richard? Because he just forgot what an asshole he had been to him? "You should do what's good for you, not exchange an hour of happiness with days of hurt..."

      "Yujin stop. You're trying to fix something that already is broken beyond repair. You can't fix me, you can't make me stay and you can't make me come back. You just make it harder for me to leave if you keep going, but I am going to leave eventually and I will not take you with me. I'm not going back to Adrestia for vacation, or because I can simply reclaim my throne. I can't take you with me, I won't.", Richard answered to all of this. He couldn't let anyone come, he didn't even want Nayantai to come, because everyone who was going with him would die. It was enough to have one person die because of this, it couldn't be two, especially not if he loved both of them. He'd break even more and all the pieces that once belonged to him were already scattered all over the country and lost forever. Yujin wouldn't let go, he wouldn't leave Richard alone, because he never did. What was the blonde supposed to do about that? Run to Yujins father to make him handle this, because he controlled Yujins life already? It had the benefit that Yujin would hate Richard for it if he found out, right? Or maybe he would just tell Nayantai to not let him in again, until eventually he just forgot Richard even existed. The blonde was already broken and hurt, it was fine to put something else on his shoulders and there was no need to drag Yujin down just for a little bit of happiness and a break from it all. "One night...", he mumbled, seemingly agreeing to Yujins proposal, because he wanted a break himself, even though he knew that after that, it meant good bye. He slowly let go of the prince.

    • The world wasn’t fair, was it now? Not only did he have to abstain from ever leaving Silesse, or from loving who he loved, but right about now, he also had to hold back, swallow his feelings and bank on Richard being generous enough to agree to one last time of ... something. What would Yujin even do? Suck him off and then call it a day? That wouldn’t look or feel to nice when he was sniffling now, barely able to contain himself and his own pain, he really just wanted to lay down, didn’t he? But that wouldn’t offer Richard any comfort, because it never did, because their minds wanted something else. “What if I need this, though?”, Yujin wanted to know, finally, he was able to slow down his incessant crying, even now that the grip on him loosened and the undisputed truth was, that neither him or the blonde would be able to do much with one another from here on out. This was goodbye, but before it really turned into that, they had some more time for each other - they had one another, they didn’t need much else, lest the torture they put themselves through right now was naught, for all it should have been worth from the start. This was pain in its purest form, wasn’t it?

      “I’m not trying to fix anything, I’m being selfish”, he gave back to the blonde, this wasn’t it, though. He’d be selfish regardless of if he decided to fix Richard or not, there was no need to and for now, he somehow got himself to calm down, to smile, albeit pained and accept it for what it was. “Then let this be a proper goodbye at least”, the wolf said, still distraught, still exasperated, but he finally had a definite grasp on the situation that lay before him. This world wasn’t going to slow down, nothing was, nothing ever would be and it was hard to accept that everything moved on, one way or the other, unable to slow down, not willing to wait for anything or anyone - and it was sad. “One night is all I need”, he implored, but he was already granted his wish, let go of Richard himself and then, when he finally did, he wiped all of the sadness from his face with his sleeves, stood there for a second and wondered what one night was going to change - not a lot, it wasn’t going to convince anyone of anything and actually, this wasn’t worth a lot, but he didn’t want it to end on a bitter note, not at all. The wolf eventually leaned over and went back to where they’d left off, pulled the door shut behind Richard and locked it this time, as if to make sure no one was leaving, nothing was going to burst this bubble and he did press his forehead against the blondes for a short while, gave him a kiss and then started fumbling with those stupid buttons of his stupid shirt again. This is what they both needed and wanted to forget, right?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Why...?", Richard mumbled. He couldn't understand Yujin. Why would he fall for someone like Richard? He had nothing left, his country was gone, his family too and seemingly also his self. He was nothing more but a shell and what he wore on the outside was the skin of a selfish asshole that wanted no one around. Why would Yujin think otherwise? Why did he stick to him from the very first second onwards? What was he supposed to do when he saw right through him and seemed to know, that he wanted all of this deep deep down in a place he locked away, because he couldn't lose anyone ever again. Why would Yujin need any of this? Why would anybody want that? "What do you even... like about me...?", Richard asked almost breathless, now that he let go of Yujin and the wolf did the same. He didn't want to look at him, it was hard to look into his blue eyes. How was he smiling right now? Didn't he believe that this was goodbye, or did he just try to not spoil the mood, so they indeed could enjoy one last night together. Richard wasn't that strong...

      Was one night truly going to satisfy Yujin? Would he stay back and not come by at Richards home anyway? Would he never again knock at his window in the middle of the night, because he couldn't sleep? Richard actually didn't want that, but then again that was what he asked of Yujin. Who did he try to protect? Himself, or Yujin? The wolf leaned forward, closed the door behind Richard and he heard a clicking noise, which meant Yujin had locked it for whatever reason. Richard closed his eyes and felt the warmth that Yujins body emanated when he pressed their foreheads together and Richard back against the wood. His heart started beating faster, his chest hurt, because he for one still new what all of this was about and though he was the one who didn't want this to go on, it hurt and he didn't want to let go. But if he didn't now, how would all of this turn out when he was leaving, when he was going back to Adrestia to die? The kiss was soft, felt nice - of course it did! Richard needed to swallow all of this pain down, didn't he? Yujin was already trying to get the blonde out of his clothes and while he was Richard moved his hand to Yujins sash and opened it in one quick motion. He also leaned forward and kissed Yujins neck, it was easier to hide himself there than to show his face to the prince of Silesse.

    • Why were they talking in thrian? Because it felt fitting, because it was closer to home than anything else? Or because this would make Yujin understand what Richard was truly saying? He didn’t know, but what was why even worth? There was no reasoning, there only was an answer that he had a hard time coming up with - yes, why did he like the person that tossed him around, pulled him in, then pushed him away? Yujin knew he couldn’t give Richard a satisfying answer, yet he tried when their lips parted from one anothers and it all felt as if the world around them was crashing down and had been for a while now. “I like the drunk you, the honest one”, he admitted and he was sure, that was it, right? “But, I like you regardless. I’m not trying to fix you, but I might as well help the you that can’t help himself and keep the pieces that are still there together”, the wolf blabbered, but that made little to no sense. Richard didn’t want to hear superficial things, he didn’t want to hear that Yujin liked how he looked, how bewildered his facial expression could be sometimes, none of that was worth it. “Being with you feels nice, drunk or not, even if it usually ends on a sour note.”

      That was all there was, all that made him gravitate around Richard, who hid himself at the wolves neck, who seemingly was trying to leave behind marks that didn’t have any meaning - and he got rid of Yujins clothes too, despite him saying they wouldn’t fuck, but they were setting one another up to fail miserably, weren’t they? It felt good, so good in fact that he let his hands wander and when they finally had undone the last button, Yujin slid Richard out of his shirt, hoped that his heart wouldn’t skip too many beats, that was unlikely anyway, but he felt as if his own did, didn’t it? “I also like kissing you”, he suddenly admitted, letting his hands slide from Richards back, where he’d placed them for a second to pull the blonde closer, slide down to his pants, dragging his nails across the pale skin ever so slightly. “And I like it when you blush, or when you kiss me back ... when we just can talk about too many things at once and be who we ought to be”, the wolf elaborated further, but why was he going on and on? This wasn’t a simple reason to begin with, but there was no need to think twice about it, this had turned into some sort of cheesy confession that wouldn’t do any of them a favor, not when he pressed a kiss against a patch of skin he could reach in this position, something, anything. “And I like your eyes”, he blurted out, but he meant it - there was no reason to lie to Richard, that’d be stupid. “But”, Yujin asked and stopped for a second. “What do you want? Me to blow you or do you actually want to fuck? Your pick.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Yujin started to talk, to answer Richards questions which he shouldn't have asked in the first place. He had switched to Thrian, because he had thought it would be easier for Yujin to understand and easier to tell Richard what he thought and wanted. Why wasn't he mad anymore? Why was some short discussion enough to make him love him again for some weird reason? Hadn't it been better when he had been upset and mad? When he saw Richard for what he truly was? He didn't anymore, instead he listed things he liked about the blonde. Why did he want to help him so much? Why holding him together when Yujin was the one torn apart by it? That was no use and Richard didn't need to survive much longer, only until he was strong enough to face Nayantai and then those he wanted to see dead. "I'm always mean to you... what's nice about that...?", he asked, because he couldn't understand. Still he slid Yujins clothes off his shoulders and just let them fall to the floor right where they stood. The same happend to Richards own clothes when he took his hand off of Yujin for a second to slip out of them.

      It was cold in here, despite the fire that was yet to warm up the room. Outside the wind howled and whistled through some cracks by the window. They've never been that alone, except maybe when Nayantai hadn't been in the hut, but then both of them were sick. It felt odd, all of this felt odd and Richard wasn't quite sure if he even wanted this, but he kissed Yujin nonetheless, when he shut his mouth for a few moments at least. Richard felt Yujins hands slide down his body, he felt him fumbling around his pants and his lips on his skin. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear all that. Did Yujin even remember what they talked about? Did he even care? Richard himself could barely remember, especially if it was a night full of alcohol and drugs. Richard let his own hands slide down the wolfs body, but stopped at his hip. He grabbed him there with both hands and slowly pushed him backwards to the bed. "I want you to stop planning ahead...", he whispered under his breath and when he slid down Yujins pants, he also pushed him down to sit on the bed. Richard all the while moved to his knees, between the wolfs legs, which he spread. Yujin wanted one more night, so why not make him feel good and hide the blonde tuft between the wolfs warm thighs, which he slowly started kissing. He let his lips and tongue run over his skin and inched closer to what was truly important, but even when he reached there, he for now only kissed and licked over his shaft.