bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

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    • Calling it quits would be unimaginably painful, no? But ... there was no way around it, Yujin was sure, as much as he dreaded it, he realized that nothing lasted forever, that the world he lived in would change eventually and that Richard, who he'd probably sell his soul to if asked, wasn't going to stay by hise side until the end of time, either. It was painful to think about, but he did have to realize that the world around them wouldn't be slowing down for anyone, not for him, not for Richard, not even for those who asked, and why? Because nothing worked as humanity wanted it, all they could do was accept it for what it was, take it at face value and discard it once it became unusable. Yujin was, without a doubt, not too bothered by it, there would be plenty of fish in the sea and even if there weren't, who said that goodbye truly meant goodbye? "You like those, don't you?", was that why he never got that mantle of his back? Sure, he thought as much, but now, everything did click into place, at least for his drunk self and he chuckled as he moved his fingers a bit faster, slightly slapped the blondes ass once more with his other hand and gave him a grin. This was, without much of a doubt, all they did most of the time, wasn't it?

      "I'll cut you a deal. Give me back my mantle someday, I'll let you have my current one", Yujin proposed, but it wasn't even that - a proposal - it was the truth he didn't want to speak about and once he found himself wondering a tad bit too much, it would be more than just the truth he could barely even form with his own words to begin with. Richard was cute, all sprawled out like that, his skin felt nice, especially when he dragged his fingers or lips over it - it should be roughed up, at least the wolf thought it would be, but that wasn't it - it had been soft to the touch for no particular reason at all. "You want me?", he asked, but he already knew as much, he knew that he'd not want to let Richard go to begin with, but ... this was one heartfelt and messy goodbye, wasn't it? All the lines became muddled, much like their existence and all that was left for them to do was waste it on themselves, give each other and idea of what the world could be if they thought about it a tad bit too long and yet, Yujin wasn't supposed to wallow in sorrow, in pain or despair. "I think you want me to do what feels good for us both", the wolf suddenly corrected Richard. "But your wish is my command." There was nothing after that, once more he removed his presence, his fingers, and wiped them off on Quans bed, completely ignoring what the other wolf had said earlier, before gripping the bottle of oil once more, spreading some more over his dick and parts of the blondes ass ... because, why no? After that was taken care of, he put it away and as if he'd let Richard wait too long anyway, he couldn't contain himself and giggled once more. "I'll give you what I want", Yujin informed the blonde, just before pushing in, taking his sweet time and then waiting a bit, to give both of them some time to adjust. "You're still so fucking tight", he informed Richard, as if that was something he needed to know, before he slowly started to move.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard cuddled with Yujins mantle, took in his scent even though he was so far away and he didn't want to let go of it. He buried his face, his nose into the fabric lik he did so often at home. He didn't need to be drunk or high to search for Yujins presence, he did it every time he woke up at night, everytime he was shaken by a nightmare and just wanted to be held again. It was different now, but he loved his smell and he seriously liked to keep this thing, although he rather kept Yujin. He was going on about it again, didn't he? Thinking about staying with Yujin, about seeing him again, whatever that meant, but he couldn't. He truly couldn't, not if he didn't want to hurt either of them. He got embarrassed once more when Yujin called him out like that and he raised his head from the fabric as if to prove that he didn't need the coat and that it wasn't all too important to him. But it was and Yujin knew that, otherwise he wouldn't have proposed a bargain that also entailed something else, namely meeting again to exchange some clothes, to have a reason to meet. Richard yelped once more, his toes curled up and his breathing got faster as Yujin upped the pace like that. His stomach was tingling.

      "Mhm... deal...", Richard answered, even though he knew what this was about. He wouldn't mind having a reason to meet Yujin again... Fuck, was he making a mistake? And if yes, which decision was it? "Yes!", he suddenly cried out. Yes he wanted him on so many levels, not only a physical one and not only now. But that was not what they were talking about and it was better that Yujin didn't know what Richard truly meant with his answer. Yujin was wrong with one thing though. Richard didn't care about himself right now and whatever Yujin did it would feel good to the blonde anyway. He only wanted Yujin to be happy, although maybe Richard was supposed to be the one doing the work then, which he wasn't. But he also was fine with subjecting himself to whatever Yujin wished, not the other way around, but really both of them felt the same, didn't they? Another soft moan left Richards lips during the last motion for now. Then he had to wait again, he had to lie here and wait for another touche, his body couldn't stay still, but he didn't change his position. There was that cold liquid again and he flinched, he was feeling cold for a while, because the cold air hit his now wet skin that lay exposed before Yujin. He heard his giggle and him informing Richard and he sounded like he waited for it for a while. When Richard felt something again a long lusting moan, not muffled by the fabric underneath him, was leaving his throat. Then he got a break to adjust, one that he treasured, although he already wanted more. "That's... a good... thing...", he replied and clawed into the mattress when Yujin started moving slowly. "Why does... this feel... so good...?" Why did he say that out loud?

    • Promise after promise and none would come to fruition, wasn't it that? Yujin was fairly certain that, whatever he did, he'd soon enough find himself in a web of lies, of empty promises, in a world filled with things he didn't quite understand just yet and one of them was loss, but not the loss of someone he loved, cherished and wanted to be with that had moved on, passed away, but rather that of someone that he wanted to hold close, yet couldn't because the superificial boundaries that they built up between them still existed. It was pain in its purest form and he didn't mind, not one bit, not only because the world around them would move on or because maybe, just maybe, Richard was right and the wolf would forget that he ever existed, but rather because he was selfish and he'd never be not that. "Good", he groaned. That meant they'd have another shitty excuse to do a bunch of shitty things, like annoy the hell out of each other or tease on another about some silly things, but for that, this goodbye had to be final and they both had to realize that goodbye barely could mean goodbye like this, not when they were all pre-occupied with themselves and wondering why the world around them was the mess it seemed to be.

      "Yes? You really are sweet", Yujin declared. This wasn't wrong and it never would be, Richard was all sorts of cute when he wanted something like this, even though the wolf didn't get to see that side of him all that often to begin with. The blonde wasn't his, he was a fallen prince without name or country, without a life to call his own and while he did want to realize that for himself, he somehow couldn't - he wanted Richard to be his, to never go anywhere again, but that was about as selfish as catching a bird, breaking its wings and shoving it into a golden cage it couldn't get out of, so he had to make do with what Richard was willing to give him, even though he took so much more than that already. As if to hide that from himself, as if to rid himself of it all, he eventually picked up the pace, he still wasn't quite as rough and as clumsy as he had been last time, not when he peppered kisses onto Richards back and not when he himself felt somewhat strained already, maybe because all of him was sensitive, or because he felt as if anything that he did try to justify his actions with just sent a shiver down his spine with every movement. "Sure ... is", Yujin said, still listening to what Richard said, what his mouth was doing and what his body wanted, but ... why did this feel so good, really. "No idea", he answered Richard, but that felt fairly unsatisfying on his own, didn't it? "Maybe ... we were ... made for each ... other?", Yujin chuckled. Shit, he was pretty sensitive too.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard thought it was hard to find only an ounce of happiness anywhere in the world after what had happend, but after only a few weeks in Silesse he met Yujin. Sure he was annoying, he triggered him and made him think even harder about things he rather forgot, he showed him that the blonde was nothing anymore and yet Yujin was a prince living in a castle, with servants and a hot spring in his basement, but that didn't even bother him that much. Life was hard, it always was, but with Yujin it got better and they could tickle each other or dip themselves in some water and simply laugh about it. Well at least Yujin laughed. Then there were moments like this right now and Richard felt good, his stomach felt warm and tingled, his heart was beating fast and strong and his mind was distracted from the things he usually faced. He was happy and yt he wanted to throw it away, because he was scared of just that and he was scared of hurting anyone. Richard always had been the soft one, having more from his biological father than he let on and sometimes he hated it, because it made him weak and because it made him throw away something that was perfectly fine in this moment and would be for a while longer.

      "I'm... not...", Richard refused and let out another moan. "But yes... yes I want you so much...", he mumbled these words, not sure if Yujin could hear them and in actuality he wanted to yell them out. He didn't want him to go, he needed this, he wanted this. It was about the sex yes, but not only, even the moments before were good and Yujin made him feel somewhat whole, at least a little bit more than usual. He couldn't fall in love with the first person reaching out a hand to him though and he couldn't mistake sex and arousal for love. What else did they have really? Richard moaned louder, still holding that bundle of clothes close. He wanted Yujin to make him forget about their goodbye too, or maybe he should just tell him that it was stupid, the next day however Richard would regret it, he knew as much, so he kept his mouth shut. Richard felt Yujins kisses on his skin and since he picked up the pace Richard stretched out one arm to find support on the wall behind the bed, in order to keep his body from shifting back and forth too much. "May...be...", he answered. Fuck this was the best sex he ever had, all the times with Yujin were, but he didn't dare ask if the wolf felt the same way about the blonde."Yujin...", he finally exclaimed and tried to catch his breath. "I... I... I don't want this to... end..."

    • How had this mess even started? Yujin could barely remember, that was for sure, but it only took a few weeks for him to forget and somehow, he was scared of admitting to it, of Richard finding out when he probably knew all of this well enough. Goodbye was a word they both seemingly wanted to use, eventually tack onto their unwavering relationship and yet, this looked anything like goodbye. "I beg ... to differ ...", he forced out through grit teeth and, that wasn't even too wrong, was it? Not only that but they both did try their best to acclimate to this situation, to prepare one another for the pain that was about to be felt, at least emotionally. "Say that ... again", the wolf then begged, he wanted to hear Richard, wanted him to tell him that he ... wanted what, exactly? To be loved, to be cherished, to be seen as who he was? Yujin couldn't tell who Richard had been before, but it also meant that the world around them was nothing but fabricated, that both of their outer shells were nothing but a pain to get through and that the frustration would settle in eventually, just because nothing lasted forever, it never would, just like that beating hard of his, hammering against his ribcage, or the sweat that had formed on his forehead - nothing, not a single thing was indicative of what tomorrow would be.

      For a good while, only the slapping of skin against skin and Richards moans were audible - Yujin didn't mind, he liked listening, liked concentrating on the task at hand, especially when his body already felt quite strained. This was fine, it never would not be and that meant, for better or for worse, that the world that surrounded them wasn't here to be what it was forevermore, but rather that it would eventually turn to nothing but dust when it all had settled. Surely, there was ways to prevent that and his own name ripped him out of his myriad of thoughts. "Yes, Richard?", the wolf asked, taking his lips off of the pale skin beneath and eyed the back of the blondes head. What was it? He didn't stop moving, but he considered it for a while, before the truth befell him, too. "You ... don't?", Yujin wanted to know, sounded confused, but a bit strained. This was something that the blonde couldn't want, he had said the opposite earlier and while the wolf would have been happy to give him what he wanted, he just shook his head. "And ... why is that?" Why did he ask like that? Because he liked teasing Richard, or rather because ... he ought to fuck this guys brains out while he was at it, which was probably why he deliberately went faster all of a sudden, even though that wasn't going to help him with escaping reality anyway. "Neither do ... I, though", Yujin admitted, but did Richard even hear that?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard wasn't sweet or cute, no one would describe him like that, but he could be, couldn't he? Then while he was that shouldn't that be exactly the moment to strengthen his resolve to end their little adventure? Because he was sweet and caring and thought about the best for Yujin? No, because he was emotional right now, naked to the bone in a metaphorical sense as well. All he could do is feel and when he was alone for a while again all he could do was think. His heart and his head wanted different things. His heart wanted comfort, it wanted love, fun, passion and happiness, maybe it even wanted a little bit of sadness of the kind young man his age should have, sadness about a lost love, about a breakup or an unreturned love instead of the pain of facing death. "I want you... so much...", he repeated louder this time. But his head was different, his head and his darkened soul that had his goal in sight all the time, revenge and ultimately death. How could he rip someone into this mess, only so his heart could get even more out of touch with his head? What if both of them got out of sync so much, that it would break Richard and rip him into shreds. Just like one part of him was sheep and one wolf, as much was one part of him fragile, lonely and pretty much still a child, while the other had grown up too fast and consistent of a hard shell and the desire to focus on his goal. And maybe that hard shell also still cared about the child, about the soul that was still there, shining on and it didn't want to see it ripped into pieces by anyone.

      There was no one he could ask for advice, the person he'd go to was Yujin, but in this case he wouldn't be of any help. What about Nayantai? But he didn't want him to know all of this. Even when life was simple, because out here in Silesse was no danger, he got hurt, or did he hurt himself? He didn't know and thinking was nothing he wanted to do right now, not when Yujin slammed himself into him over and over again, not when his mind was swept away anyway and his moans grew louder and longer. "I... don't...", he repeated not sure if Yujin even knew what he was talking about. Did Richard even know himself? What was he supposed to answer to that? "Bec-ah...!" Why was Yujin going faster now? It was hard to think, even harder to speak. He had tried to turn his head, lift his body up, but the sudden change in pace made himself fall back onto the fabric he ruffled together underneath him. Richard was still sensitive from before and the pillow underneath him which rubbed against his body every time Yujin slammed himself in again didn't help. This took longer than before and it was no surprise, given this was their second round, but that didn't mean that his mind stayed clear and wasn't overflooded with signals his whole body sent him. "B-bec-ah!...ause... y-ou... m-make me... forget...", he pressed out, this was hard, forming words was hard. "And... I... like being... a-around... you..." His voice was trembling and shaking for multiple reasons. He reached out one hand but couldn't find Yujins anywhere. But his vision already narrowed and his body tensed up. He tried to fight it back, but he knew he couldn't hold out much longer. Either way, he wanted Yujin to keep going, even if it took him another twenty minutes. "D-Don't... stop...", he begged. He lost the ability to hold his upper body or even his head up and let it rest on the fabric that smelled like Yujin.

    • This was getting ridiculous. Why was Richard the one that had so much to say about all of this when he was the one that didn't want to let go in the first place? Fuck, he was pesky, wasn't he? The longer this went on, the longer this night was, the more they'd eventually fall for each others cheap tricks and ideas, for their unwavering support for one another and for the sole fact that they couldn't be assed to end anything in their lives. Was it too much, or was it just too harsh on either of them? Whatever the case, Yujin was the one that had the upper hand in this, the one that could do what he wanted while Richard, very much, was the one that had to comply - and it seemingly drove both of them insane, didn't it? "More than ... anything?", Yujin tried to reassure himself, wanted to know, wanted to hear, to see, to feel - but whatever the case, they'd figure it out eventually, for either of them, whatever it meant in the end, whatever it would be, it would be something, anything. They both complimented one another, they fit together like one of them was a missing puzzle piece for the other, yet, there was no need to celebrate something that had yet to end, that wasn't going to last for longer than it already had.

      They had been at it for a while and Yujin felt himself stand on edge, without even really being on his feet - that sounded stupid, but he was the one holding back, too, to prolong this stupid moment of love, or whatever one would call it. In the end, all he was was a lovesick bastard that barely could help himself being anything else than that, that barely could figure out what he was to do with all of those things that not only bothered him but also Richard. "Because?", he then again asked, not adjusting the pace, he was already going quite fast for wanting it soft, but that didn't matter much, they were having something heartfelt, weren't they? Surely, they'd laugh about this, about their desperation and their idioticy eventually, but for now they very much didn't. "So ... I take your ... mind off ... of things ...?", Yujin groaned, knowing that this was so stupid, that Richard was just telling himself something to justify all of their actions or something akin to that. Whatever it might be, he knew that it wasn't worth much, that only thinking about it wasn't going to fix anything - and he knew that the world around him was slowly but surely deconstructing itself into nothingness, especially when this ended. "You ... feel good and ... you give ... me so ... so ... much more ... credit than ... it's worth", the wolf informed the blonde, but he knew very much that that wasn't true, that they both just needed one another and when he looked up and found Richards hand looking for something, he instinctively grabbed it, as if that was going to reassure him something, anything. "I ... won't ..." However, all of this would end eventually, and it wasn't time for love confessions, but ... "I ... still ... like you ... a lot more ... than I should." Fucking the blonde did feel amazing, but it would end soon enough, he knew that, but for now, he very literally was pushing through all of that and forcing both of them further towards the edge. Was he seeing stars already? Almost.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard didn't want Yujin more than anything, not even right now if he was honest to himself and that was the underlying problem of it all. It wouldn't matter if Yujin was fine with it, if he would only meet him every now and then, to take both of their minds off of things, but he wanted more. He got jealous and the next step would probably be that he'd become clingy. In the end however Richard would leave, because what he wanted more than anything was to kill those who tried to kill him and who killed his siblings. He wouldn't back off, he couldn't. He couldn't let himself be chained here and he couldn't be scared of death when he went to Adrestia, because he knew someone was waiting for him to come back home. It just made things more complicated. It probably would have been best to just talk about all those things, to find a solution, because just leaving the next morning before Yujin woke up seemed unfair, now that they already shared so much, even if they only had little time together. Gods he didn't want this to end, he wanted both, but could he truly? He didn't answer, just gritted his teeth and eventually moaned once more.

      "You do..."      , Richard answered, his breath ragged while he tried to get enough air with his face buried in the fabric. Was it enough that Yujin was able to do that though? Did Richard even want to forget or was it unfair? At least sometimes he needed a break though... This was stupid, they both were old enough to not be childish like that and just talk, right? "I don't...", he answered shortly again and eventually found Yujins hand around his own - finally. As if it had that that had been missing, Richards body tensed up even more and reared up underneath Yujin. He moaned some more as his body was dragged over the sheets - back and forth, back and forth. He still tried to limit the movement, to make it easier for Yujin, but eventually a wave of pleasure crashed over him and filled every cell in his body. Quans pillow and his sheets were ruined by now, so much for their little promise, maybe they should wash them at some point, but that was not of any concern to the blonde right now. Instead he felt like for maybe a second everything had went black and he wallowed in the things Yujin made him feel in this moment. Every muscle in his body was tense and when he came to, the tension faded. His body however was still trembling and shaking, he still felt Yujin and he didn't mind, he asked him not to stop after all and he enjoyed every last second of it.

    • Yujin knew one thing for sure and that was that letting go, suddenly, seemed like it’d be one of the biggest pains he’d ever felt in his life, like an injury that wasn’t actually salvageable and he wondered why that was. Couldn’t they just keep pretending that all of this was fine, that the pain they seemingly felt was useless to begin with and that their lives only had a meaning when they were around one another? Truth be told, they both shouldn’t be relying on the other and yet, they somehow did - Richard took him as an outlet for all the things he’d not do under any other circumstances and Yujin and shitty savior complex had found someone as well, just to feel good about himself, wasn’t it that? Probably, why else would he be sticking to the blonde? Maybe because he was lonely, on the lookout for someone as lonely as him, but even when he thought twice about it, there was no way to definitely know about any of this. Fuck, since when had he been this pathetic? Yujin didn’t know, but what he knew for sure was that, no matter what he did, none of this would matter too much if it all went on as it should. “That’s ... good ... you’re ... good ...”, why was he saying this type of stuff? Not that he knew, but he did do what Richard asked him to - which also meant he’d fuck him until he was satisfied and then some more.

      Eventually, though, the blonde came and Yujin found himself coming shortly thereafter - he didn’t bother with pulling out, but maybe he should have, he didn’t know. His own breathing was going fast and ragged, the stars he saw grew bigger and when the pleasant shiver left his body, he’d very much made a mess of Richard, inside and out. It was almost satisfying to watch, to glance at him, but Yujin eventually did pull out and, very unceremoniously at that, pulled the pillow out from beneath Richard, just to throw it out of the bed - it was ruined, but that would be Quans problem. The wolf let himself fall next to the blonde, immediately inching close to him, now that he feared that - after he’d let go of his hand to crawl there - Richard would disappear in a puff of smoke, never to be seen again. They were horrid, weren’t they? Focusing on their own feelings, yet, they suddenly cast them aside and that was, without a doubt, maybe the worst thing they could do. “That ... was nice”, Yujin mumbled, grabbing Richards hand again and squeezing it and, fucking hell, he was done for, he could just pass out like that, but he didn’t want to or else he’d find himself in pain and at a loss, left alone in a sea of nothingness. “Can I ... be selfish ... once ... more?”, he suddenly asked, his breathing still ragged, his body all tense for now. What did he want to do? Well, that was a good question. He couldn’t just tell Richard he didn’t want this to be goodbye, or could he?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard felt good, like he was weightless, at least for a while. His mind was wiped clean and he needed some time to recover, even more so because he could feel Yujin still behind him, even more so because this moment didn't end just yet. He cuddled with Yujins mantle, took in his smell, because he wasn't next to him just yet and he buried his fingers in the fabric, while the other hand was still held by the wolf. He didn't want to let go of the hand, nor did he want to let go of the clothes he held, that smelled like sandalwood. He moaned once more when he felt Yujins body tense up as well and he imagined the view of this scene from someone elses perspective, as if he was watching Yujin and himself from outside of his body. Richard was beat, he stilled grasped for air and his body felt heavy. Yujin was sitting there some more, before every last bit of tension was removed. Richard couldn't even start to worry about how he looked, he had no time to think about how embarrassing this was, instead he felt Yujin pull out the pillow underneath him and the blonde just lumped down.

      There was none of Yujins warmth for a moment, but soon enough the mattress moved as he let himself fall down next to the blonde. He came closer and every patch of skin he touched burned, it was a good feeling though and actually Richard was a little bit cold, even though there was a fire burning in the fireplace. He couldn't move however, but Yujin came close enough anyway, Richard just adjusted his head a little bit so he could press his forehead against the princes, he also let their noses touch slightly and wondered if Yujins hair would make a good blanket. "Yes... it was...", Richard answered almost whispering, because he didn't want to ruin anything, or burst the bubble both of them were still in. Richard looked at Yujin who had another request and Richard was curious, maybe even hopeful that he'd tell him that he wouldn't let him go, whatever Richard said or wanted. "Yes...", he answered therefor, but before there was an answer he leaned forward for a short and soft kiss. As he pulled back he was still patiently waiting for Yujins request.

    • Yujins voice got caught up in his throat and he wondered if this was the right thing, even when the blonde leaned forward to steal a kiss. Not only did it feel nice, Yujin also felt somewhat accomplished and as sad as it sounded, Richard did make him feel complete - he didn’t mind it that much, but he still was the one that offered his connected, still beating heart on a silver plate to a man that, despite knowing how to use fork and knife, would dig right in and bite a whole chunk out of it, then spit it back out and not even bother with making it fit back in with the rest? Somehow, that sounded horrid, but the wolf wouldn’t mind, as much as he hadn’t done the last few times. The one thing, that he could do, exhausted and still breathless, was raising his hand and pushing a few damp bangs out of Richards face, softly tugging them behind his ear, despite knowing that no matter what, the person he lay with now, that he spend his time with, wasn’t going to keep him company forever - their time, as much as their happiness, was limited, especially when they spend it all together and gained just that from one another. “I’m glad ...”, he mumbled, giving the blonde a grin and then rubbing his nose ever so softly against Richards.

      This was all sorts of soft and sad, wasn’t it? But he did let Richard wait a bit too long for his so-called selfishness, for the fact that he didn’t want to say goodbye, or did he? For some reason, he feared that it would turn Richard away from him even further, to have him run away the next day and let him suffer on his own once more, but the wolf did kiss the blonde, just to get rid of the anxiety that had been rising within him and to give him a definite idea of what was about to come - and that that wasn’t a joke. “I”, Yujin started, his voice hoarse and his gaze unfocused, but he didn’t need to figure that out, bit when Richard was so close and his breath was so warm, not when their exhausted bodies touched like that. “Don’t”, why couldn’t he just say it like it was the normal sentence it ought to be? Because it would hurt and he knew, or rather because it was time to build up that defensive wall that he couldn’t be assed to put there beforehand, or could he? “I don’t want this to be goodbye”, he suddenly but very clearly whispered, as if that sentence was going to shatter in a thousand sharp pieces if he said it too loud. “I don’t want to let go and I know, that’s selfish, but ... this doesn’t have to be goodbye, does it?” Maybe it didn’t, but still, that was Richards decision to make and not his to begin with. Was he already that miserable? “What ... do I have to do to make you stay?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard didn't know why but Yujins grin made him almost chuckle, made him almost smile, not because it was contagious, but because Yujin looked cocky, which he was and in the end they both were some mischievous pricks, it would have fitted if Richard had grinned as well, but for some reason he seemed to have lost this ability. The soft rubbing on his nose was almost contradicting now, but it was nice and Richard liked looking into those blue eyes, even if Yujin hated them so much. He actually had no reason to and didn't blue eyes fit the prince of an ice castle more than some brown or almost black tone? Still, Yujin would have exchanged his eyes for Richards if he could have and Richard had done the same, because he was of Fhaergus heritage and he was supposed to have blonde hair and blue eyes, just like his father, just like his grandfather and just like Flora and Atwick. He admired Yujins eyes and Yujin probably liked Richards to some extent, even though they didn't exactly fit Silesse usual eye color as well. They were too bright.

      Why didn't Yujin answer? Now that Richard gave him permission to, he waited and Yujin just kept silent. Instead Yujin kissed him and Richard let him, kissed him back and afterwards looked at him once more. Richard throat was dry by now, he kind of feared whatever Yujin wanted to tell him right now and the longer he waited the worse it got. "You...?", Richard asked after receiving not even half a sentence and he squeezed Yujins hand as if to tell him that it was fine, whatever it was. The wolf however didn't even look at the blonde anymore, was this goodbye already? Richard had hoped to spend one last night together. Again there were only two tiny words, nothing Richard could work with and his hand found its way on Yujins cheek. Did that even help? Finally Yujin spilled what he wanted to say and in hindsight Richard shouldn't have been surprised. He looked away himself now, took his hand off Yujins cheek and didn't know what to say, but the wolf wasn't done yet. What did Yujin have to do? Richards thought went wild, but he stopped himself, closed his eyes for a second and breathed out slowly. Then he opened his eyes again to look at the wolf. "Let's talk. Truly talk. Tomorrow morning. When we're not drunk and high and exhausted. I promise, I won't just run away. We'll have the hut a while longer, right?", he suggested, then moved away for just a second to grab the nearest blanket and pull it over both of them. He wrapped his arm around the prince and closed his eyes. "Let's both sleep it over tonight... alright? And tomorrow we'll see..."

    • What on earth was he even thinking? Richard wanted him to leave, as much as he wanted to be alone once more, as much as he desired to be nothing more than alone and Yujin knew as much - this world, it wasn't his to shape, it never had been and still, he couldn't mold feelings eithers - he couldn't tell Richard what he could or couldn't do, what it was that the two of them should be doing or what was best for them. It was stupid to believe that any of this was going to work, for either of them and it was even more stupid to think too much about it, just like he did now. What felt worse, however, was when the half-wolf took his hand away, the touch that was so somber and yet soft was gone and Yujin, of all people, felt sick to the stomach, felt like throwing up, as if he shouldn't have said that, as if he struck a nerve that Richard didn't want him to touch upon. He wanted to apologize for being selfish, for being the straightforward idiot he was, but instead, his throat was horribly dry and his eyes wide, taking in the scenery before him and wondering if that was the last time he'd get to see the blonde as was. However, reassuring and yet foreign words hit him, they made him wonder and feel, question what it was that was going on between them. "I ... Right. You're right, we should know what we're doing when we're sober."

      That was the gist of it, yet the wolf was fairly certain that Richard would eventually run off, or at least he thought that the fallen prince would, at least when he did piss him off a tad bit too much with all of those words he spit out like they were nothing much, but he'd see, just like he'd always done and like he'd always would. There was no need to think too hard about it, was there? Yujin just watched in slight bewilderment as the blonde wrapped the blanket right around them, but he was right, this ... this was something else, wasn't it? He took in what he could, accepted the one-armed hug and put his own arm around Richard while he searched for the hand he held earlier, too, to keep it safe, to hold it close like he should. "Tomorrow ... mhm. Sleep well", the wolf uttered, and then he lay there, he didn't even bother with closing his eyes all that much. Was this going to be a sleepless night? Yujin didn't know that just yet, but he knew that his head hurt, that his body felt heavy and that it wasn't too hard to keep his eyes open when his heart was hammering against his chest like that. Telling Richard that he was sorry for being selfish, that he didn't want to ask for something unobtainable, it all would be in vain, wouldn't it? But tomorrow was another day, a better one, hopefully.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Yujin agreed for now, they would talk about how to proceed tomorrow. Right now it was too hard to think and whatever the blonde promised today he eventually wouldn't be able to keep tomorrow. He was filled with emotions that he needed to sort out and he was tired from their activities and because the last time he slept was a long while ago. He felt Yujins arm around him, it was heavy but nice and he felt the hand that held his own. Richard came a little closer, he wanted to feel the wolf near him, maybe it would help him sleep and for now h closed his eyes, even though he had still a lot to think about. Eventually he fell asleep forever, the exhaustion took the better of him and teared him down into a black pit. He needed to rest, his body needed a break, but that never had helped with his sleep and even though today they spent the night as others before, Richard wasn't safe from his nightmares. At least, when he woke up, the sun was already rising and shining through the small gap in the curtain. Yujins arm was still wrapped around his body and the blondes arm was wrapped around Yujin. His skin felt soft and his breathing was deep, he actually was still sleeping.

      Richard didn't want to wake him, but he also wanted to get up. He softly pulled himself out of the touch and got out of the bed to search for his clothes. He silently put them on, though the wooden floorboards creaked on many spots. Once he was done he unlocked the door Yujin had locked yesterday, quietly opened the door and got outside. He closed the door behind him and stood now in what seemed to be Quans living room. Richard didn't intend to leave, he just didn't want to lie in bed anymore, but he didn't want to wake Yujin. He promised he wouldn't run off and he promised they'd talk and that was what he was planning on doing, but for now he had some time alone and started to search Quans cupboards for something to eat. He found some bread and cheese, he also got some water to drink. He actually should have washed up, but he didn't plan on doing that here, not now, eventually he would go home. For now he ate a little, sat at Quans table and waited for Yujin to wake up.

    • Yujin didn’t know when he fell asleep, but he was damn sure that it only happened after Richards breathing evened out and only after he himself had gotten somewhat comfortable. It did feel good, to be tuckered out and tired and to find himself this close to someone that he actually liked, actually cherished and wanted. This was stupid, wasn’t it? Not only because he wanted to be close, to stay close, but also because nothing really mattered and all that did lay in this bed with him, slumbered and slept away, unsure what feelings were boiling up inside of him. Was it too much to ask to stay like this forever, to not give away what they’d built themselves up, but there was nothing much they could do about that, was there? In the end, all of his world faded to black, nothing did really matter from here on out, did it now? But that aside, the world wasn’t as simple as that, it wouldn’t matter what it did to them, it didn’t matter what they’d do for both of them, that much was for certain, it always would be, but for now, he did fall asleep, surrendered himself to the world of dreams, the one he dreaded, the one he didn’t want to see - all of this was only a bad dream, he’d wake up and everything would be fine, right?

      Once he rose, there was nothing left in this bed - only him, only a bunch of jumbled up blankets, of clothes that still were strewn across the floor, but ... no Richard, huh? Yujin felt almost betrayed, but he knew better than that, got up himself, dressed shoddily in a few layers and dragged the ones that had remained in the bed out with them - among them his coat and Richards neckerchief. That was ... odd. The wolf was tired, maybe ever so slightly hungover from the alcohol he’d ingested yesterday, but what he didn’t expect when he peered out of the door and spotted a familiar figure sitting there and eating ... wait, what? He squinted, rubbed his eyes in disbelief, but eventually, he did come over to the table, sat down beside the blonde and mumbled a barely audible “good morning” at him, as if he hadn’t been spotted the moment he’d crawled out of the bedroom yet. Then, he looked at the bundle of clothes in his hand and thrust his cloak onto the blondes lap, as if that was the best thing he could to instead of physically annoying him. “You forgot something”, he elaborated, then eyed the food Richard had brought - eugh, he wasn’t hungry at all, he’d probably throw up once more if he ate something. Did Richard sleep well? Probably not, there was no way to tell that, though. “How are you?”, Yujin inquired, wanted to know if there was any way to help, but Richard didn’t want him to be too clingy, probably.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard sat there for a while, looked out the window and watched the snow fall this place never got rid of. But actually snow wasn't even that common, most of the time it was just cold and the air was dry. Sure, the sea sometimes swept over some breeze filled with salty water, but there was no rain and only rarely snow. Thria was cold and lonely but Adrestia turned cold and lonely for the blond too. He had to think about a lot of things, about what he wanted and what he don't wanted. He had somewhat of a headache, his mouth was dry from the night before, but what they wanted to talk about was going to be talked about soon and not when he was better. He still didn't come to an answer, but he heard rumbling in the bedroom and eventually Yujin came outside, his hair all messed up, his clothes just hastily put on and another bundle in his hand. He looked like a kid dragging its plush toy after it and he looked tired. Eventually he came over and mumbled a good morning. Richard slid the food over in his direction, in case he wanted something to eat too. Maybe now wasn't the best time to talk, not when Yujin was hung over like that.

      Suddenly Yujin shoved some cloths onto Richards lap and he just looked at him confused. "I didn't leave yet.", he pointed out and didn't know what to do with that now. He put it away for now and sine Yujin looked at the food somewhat disgusted, Richard slid over some water instead. He'd feel better once he had drunken some of that, or well... maybe he'd throw up. "Good.", Richard simply answered and stopped eating as well. Instead he leaned back, sighed and was quiet for some more. "We wanted to talk.", he pointed out, he didn't forget about it, but he also didn't come to a solution. Furthermore he was sober, which meant that his mood sunk too, but he still stayed to talk everything over, to be calm about it and to figure out how to proceed, yet he didn't even know where to begin. "What do you want?", he asked therefor and for some reason he didn't even look at Yujin, he just played with the wood grain of the table. "I mean... if you'd be able to get everything you wanted. What would it be?"

    • Truth be told, Yujin felt as if the world around him had taken another turn at misguiding him, at spinning all of those stories into a net that he couldn't help himself out of, but it was fine, because it never was not and it never wouldn't be just that - he knew, he'd known for a while and that meant, without a doubt, that something would be going on here, rather sooner than later and once Quan decided he'd come home, whenever that'd be, their little rendezvous was over, for ... forever, wasn't it? Still, that pained him and yet, he didn't want to give Richard false hope by smiling at him, by lending him an ear or by telling him that he wanted all of this, that he was a selfish prick, that he wanted something he couldn't get, yet, he'd take, because he was a prince and it was ridiculous to assume that a prince wouldn't get what he wanted if he begged for long enough. "Not yet, but you might soon", he pointed out and frankly, he wasn't even wrong. Richard knew as much, they both were quite helpless in that regard and still, the wolf felt as if tiptoeing around the actual issue at hand wouldn't help, but he couldn't help it, not when he knew that even the slightest, flickering spark could set the blondes anger ablaze or at least have him storm off like it had done often enough.

      The plate that had been thrust his way, he ignored, but the glass he was offered, despite his own body urging him not to quite do that just yet, but Yujin did anyway - he drank most of it in one go, but nothing more than that and then, he was content, as content as he could be anyway. "Good? Because I feel nauseous? Or because I don't want your food?", he asked, somewhat deadpan. That didn't mean much, he knew that, but it soon enough would at least take the shape of something and when he was done figuring out what it was, he'd also have a good idea of what he wanted or would do next, wasn't it that? Whatever the case, Yujin remained seated and fought with his own head for a while, the one that desperately wanted him to shove the blonde away, to have them both crash and burn, to do at least something, anything, but he didn't and he'd never figure out what he'd do next, either. "What I want?", the wolf mumbled, instead of answering, but it didn't take long for him to find a solution. "Y- ... If I could have everything that I wanted? Freedom, but I guess that's not what you mean or want to hear." They did want to talk, not about ambitions or their lives, but rather about their wants and needs and about the world that they didn't quite cherish as much as they could. "You, but for quite a bit longer than just one night. But that might not be what you want."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Yujin didn't want to eat, but at least he drank something and Richard patiently waited. This situation was weird, but it probably was better than regretting all the things he didn't say and not giving anything they could have a little chance. Richard didn't want to be completely alone and no one else would annoy him and drag him out, but... all of that was selfish, he was being selfish. "I feel good. You asked me how I am.", Richard clarified and rolled his eyes. Was Yujin defensive, or what was this? Richard sometimes forgot how annoying he could be, especially when he was having a bad mood over something stupid. Focusing what he felt around him when they had their nice moments was as hard as focusing on Yujins bad traits when he wasn't by his senses. Next Yujin repeated Richards question instead of answering it, but Richard just kept sitting there and listened to whatever Yujin would com up with. He promised him they'd talk, whatever would come by it. Maybe they needed to stop when Quan came home, but something told Richard, that he slept late into the day anyway.

      Again Yujin evaded the question. Well if he didn't want to talk then maybe Richard should just lave right here and then. Though finally the wolf said something worthwhile and all they did was tiptoeing forward and around the topic. If they kept going like this they'd sit here forever. "Quite a bit longer? What does that mean? Every other night? Every day? Do you want me to be your boyfriend, or something else?", Richard bluntly asked. Yujin was real bad at giving answers, wasn't he? Maybe he didn't want to say something that offended Richard, but right now this having to pull everything out of Yujins nose situation was way more annoying. "And why? Because... the sex is good? It is, no doubt about it, but that's not quite the foundation for a lot of things. If I'd be 'yours' what would you want me to give you? What do you expect from me?" He was dissecting this topic, wasn't he? But he needed to know what Yujin felt and thought before he could try to answer to it.

    • Being served to someone on a silver platter was hard, much more than it ever should be and Yujin knew that, he also knew that Richard probably wanted none of the bullshit he could spew and maybe, he wanted something that was actually worth his while, or the fact that they both were just trying to make something work that shouldn't be working. "... Right, I did. That's good to hear", he mumbled, slightly embarrassed by his own stupidity. Richard feeling good was ... it was a good sign, right? At least Yujin thought it was, but good could mean anything upon closer inspection, however, they were going back and forth, back and forth and all of the topics they cut into, as if they were a birthday cake, were the same. This conversation would have been easier yesterday night, Yujin was fairly sure of that, but now that he was up again, knew who he was and regretted most of the things he'd felt yesterday, he wondered if all of that was just some sort of punishment for his own failures, or if this had happened because it needed to, because he couldn't feel whole without finding himself hurt once in a good while. Why was he like this and more importantly, for how long would all of this go on, why was he not doing what he ought to do, why was he tiptoeing around the topic?

      "I ... agh, fuck", Yujin exclaimed upon hearing what Richard said and he could only rest his head on the table for a second, wanting to bash it in for his own stupidity or something akin to that, but rather, he soon let it lay there and then side-eyed his fuckbuddy. "I don't want to force something onto you that you don't want, but you do like fucking me", he explained, knowing that nothing he was about to say was good enough of a reason to keep them both together as was. "And you do know that I got jealous because I thought you and Quan were fucking yesterday", the wolf grumbled and in hindsight, he was fucking embarrassed about it, wasn't he? "I'd ask you to be my boyfriend, I'd ask you out, but right about now, I don't even know if you want that, but I'd like to stay close to you. We don't have to see each other every day, I won't overstep the boundaries you set." If those boundaries were, that they'd never meet again, under any circumstances, than this was naught, but Yujin couldn't do much else than at least elaborate what he thought he'd do, what he did want and not leave Richard hanging llike that. "I don't know, I'd want you to feel good and maybe cuddle with me once in a while, but that's hardly a worthwhile relationship. I don't expect anything you aren't willing to give, that much is clear, but still, I don't want to share you." This was still vague, but it was as good as it would get, wouldn't it? "You know, whenever you're there, I feel like nothing else matters and I'm fine the way I am, that there's nothing to worry about and that I can just mindlessly blabber on about anything. I want more of that and I'm sure you're the sole person in this world that can give me that."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Maybe Richard was too direct, but what was it worth to talk around the bush and try to hide things from one another when it only meant that they would never even be given the chance to understand what the other felt. Richard actually always had been a rather emotional person and Dayan had been too, even more so maybe, but right now it was kind of hard to grasp all of what was going on inside him, as if he built a wall he couldn't cross himself. Yujin sometimes could be an idiot and he probably didn't have the best mood right now, but at least he was here and tried to answer Richards weird questions. Yujin put his head on the table as if he was giving up, but Richard just waited patiently again. Yujin looked at him eventually and tried to give an answer. He wasn't wrong when he said Richard liked having sex with Yujin, because it felt awesome, there was no use lying about that. "I'm... fine with only sleeping with you.", Richard slowly said and looked at the wolf. He didn't need anybody else and he also didn't need to have sex every day, even when Yujin wasn't available. "You can do whatever you want however, I don't mind." In the end Yujin should keep his options instead of throwing everything away for a guy that would leave eventually.

      Richard could set boundaries? Well that was nice, but what would they be? At least in all of this there was one thing they could agree on. "You don't have to share me.", he repeated and then thought about all the other things and what he wanted to say. "I don't intend to be mean, but you're not my number one priority and I don't think you'll ever be, which is why..." Richard made a break and started to rephrase. "I like you. I like spending time with you. It helps... to have a break once in a while, but that's all it can be for me - a break. Which means I can't commit to seeing you every other day and I don't want you to cling to false hope and think that this will ever change. I have to go back to Adrestia at some point and I don't want you to come with me. Well and that means that your life will go on, so I don't want you to give anything up for me, say for example your girlfriend which you might still have feelings for when I'm gone." Richard sighed, this was awkward. "I also can't stop pushing you away. I don't want to excuse that, I think it's very unfair, but I also can't change that. I'm still figuring out a lot of things and run from just as many. I'm sorry. Either way, if it hurts you, you simply shouldn't let this happen and send me to hell. As I said, I like you and I don't want you to get hurt. Richard sighed once more and leaned back. "I promised you to be honest, right? That's all I can do and share right now."