bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

    • “I’m just saying - no need to elaborate, that’s none of my business”, Nayantai gave back at his son, shacking his head. There was no need to explain things to him that, for one reason or the other, wasn’t going to make much sense anyway. Truly, this was stupid and actually, if he thought about it twice, he’d already talked too much - he’d told his son too much and ... revenge wasn’t going to set anything right. It hadn’t for Caelan, it hadn’t for him and if anything, it wouldn’t for Richard - the three of them were somewhat alike, weren’t they? Not only that, though, all three of them were probably a pain to deal with on a battlefield, even if he couldn’t quite say that about Richard just yet - and Nayantai didn’t really want to see that, either. “What matters is that you had a good time”, the wolf said, but did his son, really? Whatever, he wasn’t going to barge into secrets that weren’t his to hold, but he wondered if Rikiya ever felt that stupid when he lectured him - because Nayantai sure did. Alas, this was nothing but normal talk between them, but on the other hand, there really wasn’t anything to gain from that, wasn’t there? Lecturing Richard felt as if it wasn’t going to work and he wasn’t going to tease him about something stupid like that - he was too old for that.

      “Maybe it does, but it didn’t for me, it didn’t for Caelan ... I don’t know about my father, he never talked about that and took it to the grave with him, but the dead won’t come back”, he sighed, knowing well enough that neither his brothers, his mother, Khasar or Tei were going to come back. Rain, his own children, his father ... all of them were dead and while not all of them needed to be avenged, he still felt as if he had to do something, but for now, he rather buried those thoughts deep inside his head. “So you are just like me”, Nayantai sighed. The nightmares weren’t going to go away, he knew as much, but for as long as he could think, he’d tried to get rid of them somehow, tried to find something that helped him - and yet, not only Rains presence always fixed that. “I can’t help you with that, maybe there’s something that’ll fix them, but I only can try so much - and you probably have tried your fair share of things, too. But you know, if you can’t sleep, you don’t have to force yourself to - I’m most likely awake.” Would Richard even take him up on that offer? No, probably not, especially when he was trying to distance himself from his own father - surely, this was stupid talk, but ... “I am”, the wolf replied and yet, he was still somewhat smiling. “But right about now, I’d get myself killed if I tried anything. Sure, Rain wouldn’t want me to kill people again, take things into my own hands ... but I think, just this once, I can’t comply to that.” They weren’t different at all, were they? “That’s enough, though, we’ll both get what we want eventually - and I think we both want revenge, unfortunately.”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Fine. I won't...", Richard said, it was better not to talk about anything more, but for some reason for just a second he asked himself if Nayantai was trying to find someone to... ew! That was disgusting and Richard already felt like throwing up. He wouldn't think any more about that, ugh... Anyway, he didn't want to be lectured and told that revenge would do nothing for him, that he'd just be worse after he got it, or die. Still, there was no other meaning to his life anymore, only that and thus, whatever anyone said, Richard wouldn't stop. "I know that. But those who killed them deserve to die...", Richard grumbled and bit his lower lip. When Nayantai knew all that, why did he still keep him here? Nayantais nightmares however were different and old ones, he always had them and hiding them dd not always work, especially not when Richard and Dayan slept in their fathers beds with them, when they were younger. Dayan always had slept like a stone, Richard had been different. Richard could also not say he tried anything, something made him sleep last night and he refused to think it was Yujin, so maybe it had been the alcohol, he could turn to that right? As soon as he could afford it...

      "Take me with you on the next hunt then...", Richard asked, they still hadn't done that right? As long as they didn't talk about stupid stuff all the time and just shut up to hunt it was fine right? And Richard needed some practice and the possibility to learn how to do things on his own. "Or wel'll train...", he suggested, int he end he needed to beat Nayantai right? He wasn't to keen on sharing his revenge with anyone, because he was sure that before Richard died, Nayantai would and he didn't want that for him, he still was his father. On the other hand losing Richard was probably the straw that broke the camels back anyway... still. Nayantai was angry and still he remained here, trapping them both in Silesse, but maybe he eventually wanted to prepare Richard for his revenge somehow... or he wanted to leave him behid at some point, if they were truly alike. "I do...", Richard admitted and then finally went for the bathroom. "Thanks for the bath.", he remarked before going in and closing the door. He could use some time for himself. Some time to just relax, but... that wasn't that easy and Yujin wouldn't get out of his head. Not even forcing his head under water as long as he could didn't help. Damn it!

    • How long had he tried to ignore the problem at hand, the problem being Richard? Yujin didn't even know, but whenever he thought a bit too much about what had happened, he felt as if he'd ascended to somewhere, as if he'd seen the best thing known to mankind and as if he wanted more - fucking hell, he had a girlfriend! Sure, he calmed down eventually, drowned all those sorrows out, went for a walk, a run, something stupid, waltzed with Quan all around the borders of Silesse and yet, they didn't even speak once about what had happened that night - the other wolf had, obviously, been way too drunk and Yujin wasn't keen on trying to, as everyone called it, fuck around and find out, actually. Naturally, that meant they both were just joking about something else, being stupid in their own regard and finally, that was something that distracted him for quite a while - then, there was his girlfriend that, seemingly, annoyed him for two days straight, that was glued to him like they'd been conjoined twins since birth and then, when she finally let go, his head was still empty and he had entirely forgotten what he had been thinking about to begin with. Whoever or whatever it had been, suddenly it wasn't important anymore, he'd gotten over it, Yujin had stopped caring and went about his days as usual - well, but he left out one little detail.

      Now he lay there, away and he wondered why he did, why his mind was racing, his heart was beating so fast and trying to escape him, why his entire body felt goddamn awful, covered in sweat and why it was painful to close his eyes just once - had he been staring at the ceiling for too long? Yujin knew no answer to that, but he lay there, alone in his bed and for some reason, it felt empty. Was it because his girlfriend had left? No, that was hardly it, but there was nothing for him to figure out anyway - it was dark outside, the wind was howling and all in all, it wasn't the best night for a stroll, but he'd take one anyway, he'd force himself up, force himself into his clothes, his boots, really, anything and he'd leave - and he was putting much thought into it either, his legs were doing most of the work for him already, as if there was nothing else they could be doing, as if his body didn't deserve rest. At first, a walk around town sounded nice, maybe even a swim, but not in the open sea, not when the weather was like that and the low tide had already subsided - so onward he went, out of the castles back entrance, further and further out of town and then, maybe fifteen minutes after he actually had started walking, he spotted a hut. Goddamnit, his body had really dragged him here, all the way down to the devils den, hadn't it? Was it that he was actually missing Richard, no, that was incredibly silly and yet, he approached the hut, seemingly lifeless at whatever godforsaken hour it was and, well, he was the one that spotted the window he'd crawled out of when he first met Richard, peered in and knocked on it, once, then twice - well, fuck, huh?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard had spent his days as usual but whenever he had a minute he didn't only think about his life anymore, sometimes Yujin popped in his mind, the night they spent together. He remembered what he felt back then and when he thought about it, his stomach got filled with butterflies and his cheeks flared up. He hated those thoughts they were weird and distracting but still probably better than what he usually was thinking about. He picked up his training again after a day of rest, he also went hunting with Nayantai one day, he showed him some good spots and Richard shot a rabbit they ate for dinner that day. It had been nice and quiet, none of them said much but stuff that was important to the hunt, this took his mind off of all the things too and it had been a good day, but he still didn't get over his nightmares. Every night he saw his siblings die and felt like he was dying himself for multiple reasons. One being that he got a knife to his throat and slowly bled out, the other being that part of him died that they too, something deep inside of him that just vanished.

      This night much like others he woke up in the middle of the night, staring at his ceiling. He needed to catch his breath and turned to the side. For some reason he was disappointed everytime he noticed no one was there, whoever that might have been. He missed the times his brother had been there when he was sick and he kind of missed the times when Yujin was there with a fever as well. There he thought about him again, why was that? He just wanted these thoughts to stop as much as all the others, but eventually he grabbed the coat Yujin left here at one point, that lay inside his bed and he wrapped it around himself. Why did he do that? He didn't know but in moments like these, when he was woken by another horrible dream, most of Richards outer layers had vanished and he just wished for someone to be there, someone to hold him and someone to actually quite honestly just fucked him like that again. Ugh... damn... why was all of this so stupid? And why didn't Richard just find another guy that... huh? Richard heard something at the window, first he thought it might have been the wind, but that would have sounded differently. There it was again! Richard stuffed the coat back between the wall of his room and all those furs, then got up to walk to the window and see what was up. He couldn't believe what he saw, but he opened his window and stuck his head out. "What the hell? What are you doing here?", he asked whispering, he didn't want to wake Nayantai, if he even was asleep.

    • Was anyone going to let him in? Hell, was Richard even awake? Okay, fine, he seemingly never slept well except that one night they'd spend together and right about now, Yujin realized how long and how hard it had been to actually banish the wolf out of his head, to get rid of him, the lingering feeling that he should have just dragged him back to bed, wasn't supposed to let him go - and yet, Yujin wasn't even caring one damn bit. Instead, he'd found his way out here, because his body had urged him to, dragged him here and he wasn't complaining, not once, he just accepted it all at face value, accepted the world for what it was and himself for what he'd be. Surely, there had to be other options to get his hands onto something, onto someone to cold, but being with his girlfriend didn't quite feel the same as it did when he was with Richard, did it now? Actually, why was he even thinking about that, now that he stood at his window and tried to discern something? There it was, though, some movement in complete darkness and eventually, he was wondering if he'd just be ignored, or if he'd be told to stop being a creep, to go the fuck back to his stupid ice castle and just vanish.

      However, the window rattled, was forced open and a familiar face greeted him. Richard himself looked horrible, but Yujin was sure they both did and they'd never looked much different to begin with - well, aside from the obvious things, but now that neither of them could sleep and they both kept doing god knew what exactly, they probably had dark circles around their eyes and a restless nature about them that could only be identified as 'please, for the love of the gods, get some more fucking sleep, you idiot' - but Yujin didn't say. "Couldn't sleep, let me in", the wolf said, while actually waiting in the snow for a while, hoping that he'd not have to force himself inside, but at this point, he was weirdly exhausted and willing to fall face first onto a mattress if he so desired, actually. A slight sigh spilled from his lips, then he shoved Richard aside as gently as he could and after all that was done, he forced himself in through the window, trying to make as little noise as possible, before he closed said window behind them. "Thought I'd pay you a visit after not seeing you in ... a week? Two weeks?", he mumbled, but he was pretty quiet about it to begin with. Should he let himself fall into the goddamn ... no, that was Richards bed and not his, he didn't really come here to sleep. "You look as if you slept like shit, that makes two at least."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • It was cold outside, but it was also cold inside, because Richard had let the fire go out, because he couldn't stand to constant flickering light and the fact that it never burned out, not like in Myriad where no one needed a fire in summer. The sky wasn't as pretty either, but still he was able to see that stupid face quite clearly and as if this was his home, or Richard actually his friend, he demanded to be let in. "Why don't you annoy your girlfriend then?", Richard asked still whispering, his fingers who lay on the window frame grew cold and all in all he didn't wear much to begin with, just some simple T-shirt and pants. No shoes, or socks, no coat, nothing to save him from the cold outside of his room. Yujin actually looked tired, he looked pretty horrible, but that wasn't Richards problem right? He didn't care about him and his troubles sleeping, why did he come here of all places? Richard lived a good fifteen minutes away, maybe more considering it was fucking dark outside and the moon barely illuminated the snowy plain. Well Yujin didn't wait for an answer and just reached in to get Richard out of the way. Then he started actually climbing through the window.

      All the while Richard noticed one little very important detail. He didn't wear his neckerchief, he never did when he was sleeping, when he was sleeping alone that was, which he most of the time did. His hand reached for his scar as soon as he noticed and he stepped back into the shadows of his room. He was ridiculous about that, wasn't he? While Yujin was busy climbing in and closing the window afterwards, Richard made his way to his closet, opened it up and hid behind the door while he searched for a certain piece of fabric. "In the middle of the night?", he asked, his voice almost silent, but still with some pressure behind it, he couldn't yell at him right now, but he sure as hell tried to bring it across. His hands found what he had searched for, although it was dark and he pulled the fabric out to hastily wrap it around his neck. Then he closed the closet door again and turned his head towards his unforeseen visitor. "And what am I supposed to do about that now? Go home..."

    • "I had the last two days to annoy her. It wasn't very, as they say, fruitful", the wolf suddenly elaborated. He'd gained jack shit from meeting with his girlfriend actually, except maybe a phobia against touches and some more things, but ... that was none or Richards business, really. Yujin wanted something better than that, an explanation for the shitty feeling of emptiness he experienced and all that led to was, apparently, seeking out the one that had forced him to feel like that by not being there, by entering and disappearing from his life just like that and yet, Yujin wanted none of that. "Besides, annoying you is more fun", he lied through his teeth right then and there and why did he? Thought, maybe that wasn't even a lie and he genuinely, as much as he hated to admit, wanted to be around the blonde and steal all of the energy he could muster, one way or the other. Yujin knew that he could be a horrible person, annoying as all hell and blind to the actual things in life, but he took it at face value and that was, by far, the only thing he could do - the worst, actually, because there was nothing else he'd be able to make a living of - or rather, entertain himself with, not if all of this went on as it did.

      "Yes, in the middle of the night. I can't sleep, I think I said that at least once?", the wolf followed up, watched as Richard tried to hide something and while he couldn't catch a glimpse of what it actually was, not in complete darkness like this, he had some sort of idea what it might be and he wasn't going to let it slide this time. "Asking drunk you is probably better, but", he suddenly said, his gaze fixated on the fabric that suddenly had appeared on the blondes neck. "The can of worms we were talking about, why close it if it was open already?" This sounded way more odd than it had to be, but Yujin didn't know how else he'd get around that, not when they were standing around in this cold and empty room, not when he was trying to discern the facial expression of the guy that had tried to rip out his throat for an assclap. Wow, Richard sure was someone, wasn't he? "I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere ... besides, if I do go, you'll just lie around in bed and not be able to sleep, either. Two wrongs don't make a right, but if we're both awake, we could at least use the time until we're worn out, you know?" This sounded worse than he intended to and gods, he hoped that Richard didn't think he thought about fucking.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Then break up with her, search for someone else...", Richard grumbled, why was Yujin always getting defensive when he talked about his girlfriend and why did he always seem like he didn't like her at all. Why was he with her if he didn't want it? Or was she some kind of Thrian princess? No that made no sense, why would she live here then? They weren't already married where they? Ugh... what did he care? "It's not. You have plenty of friends to annoy.", Richard grumbled and wondered what he was supposed to do now. What did Yujin expect coming here? Did he want Richard to throw him out again, did he want him to break his nose once more? He couldn't be here to talk, because talking with Richard was never pleasant and also they had to whisper all the time, which was annoying. Richard rubbed his eyes, he was too tired to deal with this and he knew that he could either wake Nayantai with yelling, or actually kicking Yujins ass out, or he'd give up and endure Yujin for now. Maybe he went away when he ignored him? He could just lie back down and close his eyes, not saying a word until Yujin got the hint and left.

      "No reason to barge in someone elses home.", Richard explained, why did he even need to explain that? Did Yujin do this on purpose? Understanding his questions way too literal? Or was he simply an idiot? Richard looked at Yujin, or at least at his shadow and he tried to figure out what he was staring at. What now? What did he want to know now? "The can of... what?", the blonde asked confused. The truth was he had no recollection of what they had been talking about while he was drunk, most of the conversations in the den were a blurr too, he couldn't really remember. Sometimes he remembered some little things, a few words, but mostly he remembered what they actually did and how he must have looked. This was embarrassing and his stomach felt weird again. Again Yujin was going on about something and Richard didn't like where this was headed. He wasn't suddenly Yujns whore and he also wasn't here for fucks whenever Yujin had a bad dream. "I won't let you fuck me again.", he hissed and for some reason he stayed where he was, in his little corner as far away from Yujin as possible, even if it made communicating silently a little bit harder. "I'd rather be alone, I don't care if I'm able to sleep or not."

    • "My dad will skin me alive", Yujin tacked onto that and it wasn't even all that wrong. Shuren had made clear that, under no circumstances, should he break up with her. The reason? He hadn't even asked, but if Yin was anything like his sister - who she was, in fact, friends with - if she didn't get what she wanted, well, Yujin wasn't surprised that his father was offering to skin him alive before she'd do it for both of them. "Yes, but you're still my favorite. And you're also the only one awake, that is." What had Arikin called them? Friends with benefits? Something like that and yet, not only wasn't he coming here for the quickest fuck of his life, he also wasn't here to be shooed away, to be told to go home, go back to bed, leave Richard to dwell in his own misery, no. Yujin wanted none of that, not tonight and even if the blonde had enough reasons to turn him away, to tell him to get lost or something like that, but he didn't want to, he felt as if the stones in his way were already enough and he had to admit that the world around them also felt as if it would be crashing down sometime soon, or rather, the wolf felt as if something had been telling him to fall asleep - whatever that was now or in ten years, who cared?

      "You let me in, actually", he corrected his former bedmate. Actually, why former? They still could rekindle something that didn't even need rekindling, they could spend nights together that were yet to come and despite that, they acted as if the couldn't, as if their relationship was under an ill-fated star, bound to burn out like the cinders in Richards fireplace - born to die before it even had a name, a meaning, something, anything. Why was he grasping at straws, though? Was it ill-fated advice to himself, was it something that he didn't quite understand, that made itself useless once he questioned it a bit too much or was all of that in vain because, to himself, nothing mattered except ... no, that wasn't right. "Uh, a can of worms? You told me I'd be opening a can of worms if I kept asking about that fabric around your neck." Richard, seemingly, didn't even know what he was going on about and that, again, begged the question of who remembered what and who was willing to admit what. However, he'd been outdone in no time, huh? "I wasn't intending to ... but, I mean, if not, you can always fuck me instead I guess?", the wolf admitted, shrugging his shoulders ever so slightly - telling him off like that wasn't going to work. "Look, I didn't come here to piss you off or to pick a fight, but if we both can't sleep ... there's something we could do. There's a few things - no booze, no drugs, no sex, got it - then what about training?" Who in their right mind would spar in the middle of the night?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "And of course the great prince of Silesse always does what his father asks. So you don't even like her, is that it? And thus you come to me, or anyone really, to complain about it. Maybe your sister should have just told your girlfriend she saw me, hell maybe I should tell her." Well that was if he figured out where to find her. Her name was Yin, or at least that was what Yujins sister called her. If he asked around a little he probably could find her, but that sounded like a pain. But if it meant Yujin got grounded for the rest of his life, he'd do it. "How could you have known I'm awake?", he asked grumbling and then shook his head. "And stop calling me a friend. Most of the time I'm mean to you and besides, I don't even like you." How could he ever get that into Yujins head, what did he need to do to get rid of him? Did he really have to dig something up that seriously would hurt him? He had nothing for now, only those blue eyes, that was all. There sure was something else and when he found it, he'd break Yujins little heart, it was better for him. Until then, maybe his face had to do.

      "I opened my window, you shoved me away and forced yourself inside.", Richard reiterated the events. He didn't let him in and he knew better as to open his window in the middle of the night again. Richard couldn't remember the conversation Yujin was talking about, but at least he hadn't told him shit about his neck as it seemed. "Then shut up about it.", he grumbled. He had no intend of showing him, or telling him what happened. Of all the topics he could have picked, why exactly that? It was none of his business. "I won't fuck you either!", he hissed once more, he felt like he was about to get a headache. "None of this will ever happen again. You understand me?", he grumbled and still stayed in his little corner. Why was he not save in his own four walls and that although he was so far away from town, for gods sake! "Well you pissed me off already.", Richard replied, Yujin was doing a bad job then, but he also almost always pissed him off. "Why would you come here in the middle of the night and ask me to train with you? Train yourself and fuck off. I'm going back to sleep and I will train alone, tomorrow morning.", he grumbled and finally left his corner to brush past Yujin and actually lie down. Discussing anything with Yujin never made sense, so why not just try ignoring him like he intended to? How late, or early was it anyway? God he probably even would have said yes if it wasn't dark outside and if Yujin had knocked at the door like a normal person.

    • "You make it sound worse than it is. Sometimes you obey, sometimes you don't - depends on the punishment." Did it, really? Not only wasn't he up to the task of entertaining Richard, he also was good at pissing him off with every little world that crawled out of his goddamned mouth. How annoying, wasn't it? "I'm not really complaining and I don't even care, if she wants to tell her, she can", he sighed. Ruozhe would tell Yin what she wanted, that much was for sure and Yujin could do nothing but watch, listen or do something like that because whatever he tried, nothing good would come from that. In the end, he knew that all of his efforts were in vain, that he'd have to get out of Richards room, waddle home and forget this almost feverish encounter, but ... he actually didn't want to leave, he wasn't in the mood for that. "You slept like shit every single day I shared a bed with you, except once, and I figured that you'd sleep like shit today, too", the wolf grumbled in retaliation. This was getting on his nerves, wasn't it? Richard had told him so much stuff he couldn't exactly remember, the booze had swallowed it like a hungry monster, forced it down it's throat, done something, anything, really and now all of this felt wrong, and odd and ... disgusting. "I don't care, you don't even mean it."

      When was Richard honest? Maybe once during the night they spend together, when Richard wasn't Richard and when they were so full of themselves, their thoughts only revolving around one another, that anything else quickly became an afterthought, much like he'd wanted it to be from the getgo. Here and now, they both unfortunately were sober - and that meant a few things, none of which were too pleasant. "Correction: you gave me the opportunity to break into your room, strike up a conversation with you and you haven't thrown me out yet, so I'm assuming I am welcome in here", Yujin corrected, but that also meant that it didn't mean jack shit to begin with. Richard could do whatever he wanted and if he told him to actually fuck off, get himself away and did something to achieve Yujin doing that, he'd do it, but right now, the blonde was only talking big and not doing anything to support that. "Fine, no fabric questions, no fucking. I'll leave those for when we're drunk, then." Why was Richard getting mad about stupid shit anyway? They both were teenagers and yet, the blonde behaved like he was maybe, eighty-something and he'd rather kill himself and everyone around him than to ever admitting to anything he felt. "I don't have better ideas and since we both still can't sleep and I doubt you'll be able to fall asleep, or have pleasant dreams, I'm just offering some distraction." Wasn't wearing himself out a key to success? It didn't even have to be sex, maybe training till Richard keeled over was enough, too. Now that Richard lay down however, Yujin sighed and sat himself down on the other side of the bed, just because, but he didn't want to lie down either. "Look, you're not going to drive me off because you're mean to me - if you want to ignore me, fine, but I'll not be leaving unless you physically get rid of me. You always talk alot and then you don't even mean it."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Right. Sure. Die in Silesse without ever getting out and marry someone who you don't like. It's none of my business.", Richard grumbled. Actually he wished that fat upon Yujin just because he annoyed him so fucking much right now. He was tired, had just been waking up from another nightmare that left him breathless and crying and then he couldn't even enjoy some moments of peace, instead Yujin came here to annoy him. "Sounded different when you yelled after her.", Richard remarked, all that talk was annoying if Yujin couldn't even be honest. What was the point of this? If he would just like his girlfriend, maybe he would leave Richard alone and maybe the whole reason of running after him was to eventually be caught with the blonde and thus his relationship would take a sudden end, without Yujin actually dumping his girlfriend. Richard didn't like to be used like that actually. "How do you know what I mean and what not? You don't know me. And if you truly would be my friend, you'd just leave me alone when I ask you to, but no, you always have to annoy me until I give up, because you're a rich entitled brat that thinks only because you're a prince you can get whatever the hell you want.", Richard mumbled, his back turned to Yujin and his eyes closed. He just wanted some peace and quiet again. The moments he wished Yujin back here seemed very stupid all of a sudden, he had forgotten how fucking annoying and unbearable he was.

      "You're not. Remember when you first barged in here and followed me around even after I told you you should leave me alone? It makes no fucking sense to do anything, because the only thing driving you off so far was breaking your fucking nose.", Richard retaliated and he was sick of Yujin acting like Richard had a choice, as if he just needed to say he should leave, but when he did Yujin told him he didn't mean it. What was this? "I'm not getting drunk with you anymore either.", Richard remarked. That had ended bad once, he had enough of this. Maybe with someone else, but not Yujin who took this evening way too serious. "I don't want any distraction.", Richard answered and sat up again to look at Yujin, even though he almost saw nothing right now. "Listen, you can't even be honest. You didn't come here to help me sleep, or help me stay awake or get through the night. You came here for yourself because you want something from me and I don't even know what it is. You're not offering me distraction, you're the one who wants to be distracted from something, or to get away from your girlfriend and your father. Stop using me for your selfish desires and claim you do any of this for me." Wasn't that exactly the truth? Yujin couldn't sleep, so he thought he'd help himself with visiting Richard, because every other night he didn't come here, although he said himself he knew Richard didn't sleep well any night. The only reason he hadn't kicked out Yujin thus far was because he didn't want to wake Nayantai, but he told him to just kick Yujins ass if he was forcing himself upon him, be it physically or just invading his privacy. Eventually Richard reached for Yujins stupidly long hair, wrapped it around his hand once and pulled on it while he stood up to make his way back to the window.

    • "That's not something I have a choice over to begin with." It wasn't, actually. If his girlfriend decided she'd break up with him, fine, no one could do anything about that but it wasn't up to him to decide that, whether it be for himself or anyone else. That was how it was, he'd agreed to that without questioning it and all it had given him was ... what exactly? Another prison to live in, a world he didn't want to be part of because every step he took was painful? No, that wasn't even it. "That was a week ago or something, things can change." Richard hadn't always been like that either and that, for once, not only meant that it was somewhat hard to get through to him now, it also mean that Yujin was going to put effort into it, whatever that meant, really. Was it even legitimate for him to try and figure something out for the two of them or would Richard rather be left alone, to sulk, to experience all those feelings he swallowed down? Or was it that the wold was an intruder, at a time where he wasn't needed and wanted at all? "And you're always assuming things about people you don't know, either", Yujin sighed. "I'm a prince, so what of it? Just because I'm annoying doesn't mean I'm entitled - that one of the things you've been claiming since you know me and you don't have an ounce of truth to prove it."

      Accepting Richards words at face value would have been better, actually, he should have shut up a while ago and stopped trying to make this work for the two of them or for any of them, really. This wasn't going to end well and if Richard broke his nose again, so be it, he'd wake up Muhan and that'd be it, but it would hurt for a while and if he was honest, he didn't even know if it was healed already. It had to, right? "Then break it again, see if that works a second time." That, among other things, was a bad idea to blurt out like that, but Yujin didn't care, not one bit, he knew as much and the last time he'd had that happen, it had taken other people to actually get Richard off of him, to avoid having the rest of his face bashed in. Well, that was sickening. "Sure, keep telling yourself that." If he wanted something, he'd take it and if he wanted to drag the blonde out to drink with him, he'd do it, it hadn't stopped them from getting drunk the last time either, despite Richards constant protesting. "You never want distraction - but the last time I gave you some, you enjoyed yourself. And besides, why do you think you know what I want from or of you when you don't even know what you want yourself. Stop being ridicul- OW!", the wolf suddenly yelped, upon having his hair grabbed and maybe that was a sign to cut it, to get rid of the stupidly long strands that Richard was holding right about now - but he had no knife on him to begin with. "Stop it", he sighed, then grabbed his own hair and eventually the hand and arm that was holding it that tight. "Look, let go. I'll get out myself. If you don't want me here, because you think I'm not here for your, I'll leave."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "That's pathetic.", he commented and it was, right? Yujin let his father decide his life for him, let him lock him up here and tell him who his girlfriend ought to be. Richard didn't actually care who Yujins girlfriend was, but if he didn't even like her, why would he still be with her? And he just took it like that, like a little pussy. What was he afraid of? His father killing him? Well if he was keeping him here because he was overly worried, then he didn't need to fear that to begin with. "So you want to get rid of you girlfriend now? Man up and tell her then.", Richard simply answered. What was it worth to marry someone without love? It was going to be a shitty life for both Yujin and his girlfriend. She probably wanted someone who loves her too and if not and this was political from the beginning, then Yujin didn't need to hide any affair he had either. "What changed then?", Richard inquired, was there any way Yujin was honest once in his life? Maybe that was all Richard wanted, honesty, not some guy that couldn't even be honest to himself. Sure Richard wasn't better, but that didn't mean that he automatically liked everyone that was as stupid as him. "no means never no for you, is tat enough prove?", Richard asked grumbling. Yujin didn't even see that, did he now?

      Richard should break his nose again and more, maybe that helped him get the message across. He should have never gave way. Even if he wanted fun and distraction, he wanted it at his own terms and he didn't want Yujin to barge in here whenever he fucking liked to. Then he couldn't even be honest about it. "See? I'm telling you no and you don't even value that. Entitled.", Richard emphasized his point. Whatever Richard said it went in to one ear and out the other, how was Yujin being a friend like that? "If this visit isn't about you, how come you only showed up here when you couldn't sleep yourself?", Richard simply asked. Richard was pretty confident in his opinion and it made him even more angry that Yujin tried to make it something else instead of admitting it when Richard already told him he knew all the facts. Richard turned around when Yujin grabbed his wrist and he actually wanted him to keep it down, but he didn't say anything like that. "I don't think you're not here for me, I know it.", Richard answered, but let go of Yujins hair and instead opened the window. The cold air filled the room once more, with Richard wearing almost nothing. The nights were especially cold, but he didn't care right now.

    • "I'm doing what's asked of me, but let it be pathetic, I know that myself." He didn't need anyone to tell him that, he knew and he always would because from here on out, things weren't necessarily going to change. As stupid as it sounded, he still was himself and Richard was still who he'd been mere weeks ago - they both didn't mix well and for once, Yujin thought that as well. What did he need, if not something to prove it to him? Definitely no blonde sheep in wolfs clothing, not like this and not right now anyway, but things came and went and the reason for that was that they, all of them, without a single doubt, were nothing more than pathetic to look at, weren't they? "I never said that", he suddenly admitted - there Richard was again, with all those stupid assumptions about people he didn't even know himself, but throwing those words at his head didn't work either, he'd just say what he thought he heard, without actually thinking about what it really meant. "I don't fucking care anymore, that's what changed. If she finds out, whatever, I don't even care", the wolf grumbled. Sure, that had changed for real, but that also meant that he'd have to prove that somehow, again - because Richard always, seemingly, wanted to have everything proved to him. "Says the guy that doesn't even know what he wants."

      Stirring further ... no, that was just a bad idea and he'd had enough, he actually wasn't wanting a broken nose tonight, as much as he didn't want to spend more time with the blonde. He'd come here because ... he'd felt like it, because he'd wanted to and because he had, actually, wanted to look out for the blonde, just a bit, but he wasn't needed here, not right now, not ever. Fine. "Think what you will, then." There was no other way about this and right about now, a fight sounded good, something, anything that made this seem worth a while, that sounded as if it was going to amount to something, but somehow, very much even, it didn't matter, not to him or anybody else. Richard was Richard and Yujin, well, he was still Yujin. "Because I always need fucking excuses to get close to you anyway. If I show up here and just asked for you, you'd probably not be here or pretend to not be because you can't fucking stand me anyway", he expressed, all of a sudden, because right about now, he was the one that got agitated - the one that didn't want anything to do with this anymore and that would actually welcome a fist to his face, or a fist in Richards stupid face, but he held back, for now. "The one time you approached me, you did because you wanted something, like I did the first time we met. And the other times? I genuinely wanted you to have fun, but you know what? Fuck you, I'm done. I'll leave so you can sulk on your own - because whatever I do, you just won't accept that people around you care for you even if they don't know you all that well." That was all there was left and now, well, he had enough, he was seething and crawling out of the window - off into the night it was, back home, because really, he didn't even care.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Yujin was pathetic, that was all there was to it. Richard never had reason to be rebellious and yet he and Dayan sometimes were, just to test what would happen. He might have only now learned what it meant to defy his father more than just staying out late, but looking at Yujin he couldn't understand him. Freedom had always been so important to Richards family, because both his fathers had been prisoners in one way or another, they'd never held any of their kids back like that for no reason at all. Richards heart was no problem and even if he had been as sick as the former king, he wouldn't have been locked up in the castle or anywhere really. Yujin was just accepting that he'd never go anywhere else, that he was stuck here and that was unbelievable. Richard wanted to shake him, put him on a fucking boat and travel out of here, not for his sake for once, not to get back to Adrestia and het his revenge, but to show him that he could do whatever he wanted and that he was allowed to make mistakes of his own. But why exactly did he even care? "I know what I want, you just don't want what I want and act like I dodn't know, so you can force things upon me.", Richad replied, he was sick of fighting.

      Richard would think whatever the hell he wanted, Yujin wouldn't back down, wouldn't ever take him serious. He just heard what he wanted and if there was something he didn't want to hear, he simply didn't, as much as he seemed to simply forget whatever bothered him. Richard looked at Yujin somewhat bewildered, not sure what he was supposed to make of what he said, was he honest for once? But he still didn't tell him why the fuck he wanted to meet him in the first place. He always sad he cared for Richard, but that wasn't true, everyone was egoistic, everyone had goals and Yujin knew Richards, he knew so much, too much and didn't come clean with everything himself. The truth was, if Yujin had just visited him or talked to him when he met him in town or somewhere else, Richard would have talked to him probably. He would have let himself be dragged along when he was terribly honest and he would have been at least polite about it. If he wanted to spend time with him and could stand him not talking, fine, that was all he wanted from Nayantai too. Why did Yujin have to be so weird as to come here in the middle of the night, demanding Richards time, without telling him why he came now and not the next day, why he walked a fucking fifteen minutes to get here instead of trying to sleep, or find someone else. He said none of it, partly because he didn't want to admit it and partly because Yujin didn't listen anyway. Again Richard didn't say or do anything, he didn't punch him, nor did he scream at Yujin because the conclusion he arrived at was exactly what Richard wanted him to think. He wanted Yujin t hate him, he wanted him to be done, he didn't want him to care. He was pretty sure he remembered telling him why that was, drunk and not drunk and he somewhat was disappointed that Yujin seemingly hadn't figured him out yet, but on the other hand it was better this way. It was better to have him leave now, before fate could take any more from Richard, or before he ended his own life in an stupid attempt to kill everyone else in this fucking world. Richard didn't say a word, he let Yujin vent and then watched him crawl back out of the window again. What else was there to do?

    • Stumbling home was one thing, the other was being pissed at someone for no coherent reason and then realizing that maybe, just maybe, he'd overreacted and not thought too much about what he'd said, but by now, it was too late to turn back, to apologize for being an idiot and Yujin took that home with him, he didn't even fucking care. If Richard wanted to call him entitled, useless, annoying, whatever - he could! Yujin was, officially, done with all of this and that meant that he, for once, could just figure things out. But was he, really? When he crawled back home, he felt awful, curled up in bed, but he didn't feel like crying, he actually spend the rest of the night there, being angry, restless even and not knowing what the fuck he really wanted and why on earth he'd been that stupid. Still, no ten dogs would drag him back to Richard, not like that, not soon, not when he himself wasn't even sure who he was mad at to begin with. This was awkward, annoyingly so - and that was a thought that haunted him, for better or for worse. Maybe that was why he spent the next days being restless, not even caring, burying himself in the library, not sleeping, not doing much of anything - all those words, all those books, felt jumbled together, made no sense and once he finally fell asleep, well, he felt even worse when he woke up because he'd dreamt of that one stupid night, and of the other one, and ... for fucks sake, could he get some rest?

      At some point, however, his father had a seemingly great idea - and that to send out an invitation. For a fucking dinner. With whom? Nayantai and Richard. Great. Any option to get out of that was suddenly barred and even when he said that Quan and him had plans, which they didn't, Shuren only smiled at him and that was enough to reassure him that there was no way to get out of that. Actually, why on earth was he letting himself be treated like that? Richard was right, he was nothing more than a sad, pathetic exc-- for fucks sake, no he wasn't! Though, what made matters worse was, that Yin was going to be there - well, she was here now and for some reason, it seemed to be important that she stayed, whether that'd be all night long or just for a few hours, but Shuren insisted and all Yujin could do about that was complain to Xu, who probably smiled at him because he was tired of hearing him beat himself up over all this stupid shit. Gods, this was embarrassing, wasn't it? Especially when he found himself dressing up in finer clothes, well, thrian - or especially silessian - clothing never looked too good, it wasn't tight, it wasn't supposed to catch someones eye, aside from their wedding attire, it really was only there to keep them warm. What made Yujin even less excited however, was when he found that both Nayantai and Richard had made it - and the fact that his father was already blabbering with Nayantai, the poor but scary guy that looked like someone was constantly chewing his ear off and once they actually were seated, he found himself between his sister and Yin, and Richard right opposite of him. His facial expression had been a constant frown, but somebody softly elbowed him in the side - his girlfriend, of all people. "Yes?", he asked, looking at her somewhat dumbfounded. "Stop frowning and smile a bit!" She wasn't wrong, but all he did was shake his head ... eugh. "I really don't feel like it." "Oh c'mon!" Then, however, her gaze fell onto Richard - who not only looked extremely misplaced but also ... like, he was even sadder than usual. "Both of you could use a smile, you know?", Yin said, but that only caused Xu to chime in, for once. "It would be best if we just let them both be, they have their own reasons."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • After Yujin had left Richard slowly closed the window again. This is what he had wanted right? It didn't need anything specific, just the constant crap he gave him over and over again. Yujin was a nice guy eventually, right? He was mad for Richard not seeing that, not believing that he did not have any agenda. He remembered that night, parts of it at least, he knew that... it didn't matter. He sighed and crawled back into bed. There was no chance for him falling asleep, but he did try, a long time actually, well into the next day and when he finally crawled out of his room, Nayantai was checking his forehead again. He did not have any fever and went for his training, just away. He found himself space out more than usual the next days, not always thinking about something specific and the thoughts about his past and his present fought with each other and wanted to prove that they were the worst. Richard got what he wanted, he was alone, no one was bothering him and he also didn't thing Yujin would come back and yet he felt... weird. His chest started hurting in the weirdest of situations and he couldn't let go of that stupid coat. He went about his day as usual but he also felt further away from reality than before. His family kept haunting him, his attackers did too and the fact that he had no one to share this with was slapping him right into his face when he already lay on the ground. Dayans birthday was coming closer too...

      Nayantai had received an invitation, one from his friends, asking them to come for dinner. Nayantai agreed without consulting with Richard, he probably thought he could use some distraction, both of them. Eventually the day arrived and Nayantai had wrapped Richard in some thrian clothes. Richard hated it, mostly because he couldn't even dress himself and had his father close everything up as if he was a child. But he didn't complain, he also had exercised the use of the chopsticks the days before, but that was about it. Richard didn't like seeing the castle let alone going in, but he did, followed Nayantai like his shadow. Inside Nayantai was already pulled into a very one sided conversation, while Richard was just glad he hadn't spotted Yujin yet. Richard just searched for a corner which he could stand in, at least until all of them were seated. Yujin was sitting right across, which was odd. Next to Richard sat Nayantai and on the other side Yujins brother, who didn't talk much, which was good. Richard sat there averting his gaze, looking at his still empty blade, but refraining from being so ill mannered that he supported his head with his hand. Instead both of his hands lay on his lap. He really didn't want to be here and if Yujins siblings where anything like him, he didn't want anything to do with them. Eventually someone started a conversation, parts of it Richard didn't understand, but he soon enough figured out that the one girl next to Yujin was his girlfriend. She was pretty, wasn't she? Either way, Richard only shot her a short glance, then looked at no one again, not even at Xu who seemingly came to his rescue for no particular reason. All of this was odd and the fact that Yujin and Richard didn't speak to each other after they had this stupid fight didn't make it better. Did Richard regret it? Yes and no... Yes because he kind of liked him, no because... he seriously couldn't afford any friends, any strings attached, especially when his brothers birthday drew nearer and reminded him that everything could be lost in just a second. Suddenly, he was not hungry at all and when the food arrived he did nothing much but shove it from one side of his plate to the other.

    • Yujin wasn't happy - he wasn't happy with this situation, with the fact that it was Richard that sat there, across of him or the thoughts that this guy was going to stay plastered all over his head forever. No, he hated it and he found himself wondering why he couldn't shut those thoughts out, why it was so hard to accept that there was nothing and would never be anything viable that came out of their relationship with one another and still, Yin clung to him and if he really cared, he'd be happy just from that, he'd always be, really, but ... right now, he wasn't, especially not when they were served food and drinks. His stomach turned and it wasn't because it was hungry, it was because he felt nauseous - all of them were all dolled up and while some of them seemed to enjoy that, Yujin felt like crap, as if he was seriously sick and forced into this stupid costume anyway, but whatever that meant, the'd not even enjoy himself too much if this went on - not with Yin here, not with Richard over there and not when the food seemed to look appetizing enough for everyone to eat it but two - him and Richard. Why did he even keep glancing over there? Yujin was sick of it, eventually skewered something on his chopsticks and even a weirded out look of Yin, that went to him, then his sister and then back to his plate didn't help.

      Swallowing one bite was enough and the fact that he was eating like that was, well, causing a few eyes to lay on him, all of which averted their gazes once they found him staring back at them. Fuck, huh? Yujin didn't want this, not when Yin was so close, not when it was awfully hot in these stupid clothes, not when-- "Open your mouth", she suddenly said, as the wolf looked down - was she trying to feed him? Gods, no. "I feel sick", he replied, which, in turn, earned him a look of bewilderment from his girlfriend. "Then why did y-" "It's fine", he sighed, taking the bite he'd been offered and chewing on it. The food wasn't bad, that wasn't the problem, neither was Yin, who actually clung to him again like the two of them were lovebirds that couldn't seperate themselves from one another. The adults, all the way over there, far enough away from him, were seemingly having a good time - well, as good of a time as someone could have when Shuren was the one that kept the conversation about some weird stuff alive. What the hell were they even talking about? Or was his father monologuing again? Yikes. He sat there for a while, then glanced up from his food, saw Richard, glanced back down again - gods be damned, could this guy look any sadder than he usually did? This was stupid. The blonde looked ridiculous in those clothes, but thankfully he wasn't as dolled up as he was and then, Yujin finally got up because he had enough. "I need fresh air", he suddenly announced, to which Shuren shot him a glance. "You haven't even fi-" "I feel sick, I'll be back soon", he shut his father down, feeling as if he was going to get whacked over the head for that one sometime soon, but instead, he went around the table and then, when he stood behind Richard, he grabbed the blondes arm to drag him with him. "Lend me a hand, will you?", the wolf grumbled as he pulled him out of there. As soon as the double-winged door to that shitty hall closed themselves though, he sighed in relief. "There's one thing that's been bothering me", Yujin suddenly started, dragging the blonde even further, almost to the entrance, away from anyone that could be spying on them. "Why ... no. I don't want to be in there, what about you?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard didn't know what he want, Yujin was right about that. He didn't know whether he could bare being all alone, with no one left by his side. He never was alone to begin with, never in his whole life. Dayan had always been there and if not right next to him then at least not far. Actually Richards whole family had been there for him all the time, whenever he needed anything. Nayantai still was, but it wasn't the same and he couldn't talk to him, he didn't want to. They shared too much history and talking about what had happened resulted only in more pain for both of them. Being all alone was what he wanted, so he could leave this place sometime soon and die in Adrestia, but now that he truly was, he felt like shit. His chest didn't stop to hurt anymore, his nightmares got worse and sometimes his goal seemed stupid. All of this because he got drunk and spent a night with someone who gave him back trust and love? He shouldn't have done this, he shouldn't have let himself see what it was he pushed away. He still was angry at everything, the world, himself, Nayantai. But with Dayans birthday coming closer he just felt... empty. He wanted to be distracted, to be dragged somewhere to do something stupid, he wanted to drink, and maybe even smoke, but he wasn't able to do those things on his own and he was not able to change, he wasn't able to tell himself that not everyone he met would either die or betray him.

      Looking up at Yujin and his girlfriend somehow made things worse, even though he didn't really understand what they were talking about. They were glued to each other, weren't they? But Richard didn't dare look into Yujins face and therefor he couldn't see that he wasn't comfortable with this at all. Though even he looked up when Yujin suddenly announced that he needed to leave. He was even more surprised when Yujin suddenly stood behind him, only to grab him and pull him on his feet. "What...? But...", he started but there was no chance for him to say any more as he was dragged out of the room. Why didn't he ask his brother for help with... whatever it was? They left the room, the heavy door closed after them, but that wasn't enough and Richard stumbled after Yujin through cold hallways. What was this about? Did Richard even want to know? He was tired, he hadn't slept for days and he couldn't deal with this right now, not when he didn't even know who he was himself and what it was that he should do. "What?", Richard asked carefully and eventually they seemed to have walked enough. Why what? "It's over in a few hours...", Richard mumbled. No he didn't answer the question, probably because he didn't know what was going on right now. "What... what is it? What do you want?", Richard asked, rather tired than angry, rather soft than impatient.