sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

"I mean that whenever I look at you now, the wound serves as a reminder to tell me how much I've fucked up", he groaned, not necessarily satisified with the answer. Ronan knew that he was whining too much, almost as if it was his face that got hurt and scarred and not that of Caelan - but alas, that was pretty in-character for him. "But I don't mean that it looks bad, just that I'm not used to it ... but I guess it suits you, one way or the other." What kind of backhanded compliment was that? Whatever came out of his mouth in regards to Caelans face sounded wrong, diluted by self-pity and a pinch of shame about what had happened, but alas, Ronan of Alster was good at dragging himself down while putting others on a pedestal - he was used to it. If he were terribly honest, his face felt hot and his fingers numb, but that might have been because he was trying to hide below a pillow, filled with god knew how many feathers and because he, why ever, was not necessarily doing a good job at warming Caelans damn bed, especially not like this. "I was just offering my help, I didn't want to insinuate that you're bad at writing ... I'm just saying that I might be better at sugarcoating our little request." That was all there had been to it, no?

"Repay me for cutting open your face, lowering your market value as Adrestia's most eligible future duke and then keeping you from attending your duties for a few weeks at that, just so you can be cooped up in here? If your father really wants to reward me for something like that, I'd have to repay him for looking past all of my shortcomings", he concluded. All of this was nice and well, he was talking himself down normally, but ... being repaid with kindness for only causing trouble sounded like something completely out of another world, even if Caelan was the one who proposed it. "Whenever you're talking about your father you tend to get very specific, almost as if he hates you with every fiber of his being." What else was there to say about a man he didn't know and would prefer not knowing? Ronan of Alster had paid attention to noble affairs on paper, but the gossip surrounding most of them wasn't worth the time, let alone was it worth thinking about. "Now what?", he inquired, looking up from below the pillow. "Do you want to go outside? I mean, it's not like there's a lot of stuff out there, aside from darkness and snow ... and a chilling wind, some trees and what do I know, some rabbits?"

"We both fucked up, as simple as that. I shouldn't have tried to kill myself and you shouldn't have taken my injuries into account - that would have sufficed", he grumbled. It was true, if he wasn't so goddamn selfish and had just stuck to anything but killing himself, he wouldn't have done this, even if it was an accident to begin with. Ronan could apaologize as much as he wanted to, Caelan would have probably told him to zip it at some point and he would have had every right to do so. "Well, it does suit you to some degree, I'd say. You and your spontaneous ideas", Ronan chuckled. Caelan was, for the lack of a better word, cute - maybe even a bit too cute for his own good and that was something that the might-be future Duke of Alster appreciated. As long as the two of them were together, he felt alright, like there wasn't anything that could hurt him, like he was finally free of self-imposed shackles and yet there was nothing he could do about the pain he felt, about the fact that their unlikely relationship was going to survive longer than their youth. "So basically you're putting him in a position where he'll loathe you for requesting something he can't refuse? Do you like to piss him off or is that something you do unintentionally?"

"Now you do, I just gave it to you!" Wouldn't that mean that he was putting Caelan on a pedestal he hadn't been on previously? That meant more pressure and better chances to actually lose him to someone that he didn't want to share with - that wasn't such a good option in the end, was it now? "You're not stupid or a brute, you're just young and inexperienced. Your father sounds like he can be such a pain in the ass, just like mine", he concluded. Frankly, they both hadn't been blessed with the best or loveliest of families, instead, they found themselves in quite the pinch, just because they had befriended one another. Wasn't it scary how similiar and yet different their problems were? His hand, as numb and cold as it was before, suddenly felt warm - and Caelans words did wonders, but they were misdirected. "Oh, do you think I'm talking myself down? Or that I'm afraid? I hate to disappoint you, but I just was going on and on about some stuff that sounded illogical. You don't need to cheer me up", he mumbled, before resurfacing from below the pillow - his face was red, he had a bedhead from just laying there and his embarrassment was apparent. "You care a tad bit too much sometimes", he chuckled, lifting Caelans hand that was holding his own up to his mouth, once he'd sat up, before returning the favor and kissing his knuckles. "You're leaving the choice to me? Are you sure you want that?", Ronan asked, once more, because he really wasn't the most imaginative person. "Do you want to stay in your room or do you want to go somewhere?"

He'd been perfectly fine without Caelan, he would manage to spend some time without him, wouldn't he? Judging by how he was acting right now, judging by the fact that he was unwilling to let go and even got fed up when he had to stay away from the blonde for too long, he pratically knew that being seperated from him was going to end in a disaster, but that had always happened once he found out that he was alone, without anyone to keep him company and take his mind off of things, much more grim and darker than he'd want them to be. "I'm not, but thank you for your concern", he responded, sighing. As if it hadn't been hard enough on him, Ronan was - without much of a doubt - quite keen on keeping his distance in some way, shape or form. Naturally, this meant that he wouldn't be able to tell Caelan everything that he wanted to, but it was alright too, there was a time and place for everything and it didn't have to be now or anytime soon. "Not around me, no, but I am fairly convinced that you have quite the creative mind", he chuckled. Who else would have the balls to talk to the Duchess and Duke of Alster at his first official meeting with them and stick up for their son, but also propose that he should visit his own country? No one but Caelan. "Well, maybe I can change his opinion of you just a bit, then."

Spending all day in bed was somewhat of a dream, but it wasn't viable either - the young noble knew as much. With Caelan around, everything felt more lively, more exciting even and he wondered one too many times if it even was possible to think too much about something incredibly endearing and sweet. If anything, the blonde and his sweetness would cause all of his teeth to rot at some point, at least if he overindulged him. "Trust me, he doesn't freely voice his opinion of me if he does know that you hold an ounce of power. But ... it would be nice to sit at a table for once and enjoy a meal in peace - I'll look forward to it, then." Being free of his fathers constant nagging, even if it was only for a week or two, sounded like bliss - and being with his lover made it even better. Although, they could stand to spend some time apart, Ronan wasn't willing to let go, not when he slumped over again and pressed his head against Caelans chest, still sitting, just not upright. "You're not! I still think you're incredibly handsome! ... and a bit too hot for your own good." Even though he had already lied to Caelan on more than one occassion, this was not one of them and instead, he buried his face in the blondes chest, hoping to find a way out of conversations like these. "Yes, it's not like I'll go take a knife to my throat just because you won't share a bed with me." That, albeit a harsh example, was still the truth. "I don't want to spend all the time in bed with you, but ... I don't know what I want to do, help me."

"And here I thought my sighing would make it all the more convincing", Ronan mumbled. He wasn't fully aware of the fact that maybe, just maybe, the fact that he was quick to sulk over the littlest of things wasn't exactly the best foundation for having someone be convinced that he was able to recover from just that in a matter of minutes. "You both are loud and pretty much unhinged, no wonder you come up with the darnest things around each other. I mean, birds of the same feather flock together, don't they?" And while Caelan was all that, Ronan was pretty much the opposite - one thing they shared, however, was the fact that they were quite bold at times, but even then, they had more differences than similarities to begin with. "Sounds like Allard of Fhaergus is pretty boring to be around", he mumbled, barely cursing under his breath. Darragh had been clearly taken aback by what Caelan had said but if no one, not even he, would be able to make a dent into Allards perfect exterior, what would the point be? Of course, visiting Caelan wasn't something he'd always be able to do, simply because he had duties to attend and so did his boyfriend, but ... why go to Fhaergus then? They could just stay here, though, Darragh would probably ... nevermind, a trip to his neighbouring country sounded lovely all of a sudden.

"I feel like I should pack warm clothes because I'm pretty sure that you'll be bored of the mansion before I'll be, so ... you'll definitely drag me outside." That wasn't a bad prospect, but while Alster was cold too, it wasn't as cold as Fhaergus and Ronan, despite being a future duke, never went outside all that much, especially if it was cold, grim and foggy - though, the weather was supposed to clear up around this time of year, so there was nothing to fear, right? "I can say it again if you want to hear it one more time", he blurted out. Wouldn't that be embarrassing? "Like what? Other things that involve taking a knife to my flesh? Don't be silly", he assured the blonde, knowing how stupid that actually sounded, now that he had already committed to it either way, not that long ago. At least the touches on his back felt soft enough and he didn't mind having his hair being played with - it already looked like a mess to begin with and Caelans hands felt nice, therefore it was almost nonsensical to think that he'd have to take those off of him sooner than later. "That sounds lovely, now that I think about it but ... wow, you really are a drunkard, aren't you?", he laughed, peeking up into Caelans eyes, before he stuck his tongue out at him, just for a few seconds. "Fine then, I'll get you your liquor and we're going stargazing ... but we should wear something a tad bit warmer, don't you think?"

Caelans smile was infectious, that was for sure - and yet, he only could avert his gaze to not be caught up in his fellow nobles affairs, though, they already were sitting on his bed and there was no escaping his grip. "Alright, you win!", he said, chuckling, lighting up just a bit - but he wanted nothing more than to bury his face in Caelans chest again and wrap his arms around him, just to be close to him for more than a second. "Who knows, we'll never find out. You're to be Duke of Fhaergus and he, unless his siblings all die, will just be one in the line of many maybe-Duke of Stenz", meanwhile, Ronan's path was carved out for him, as much as Darragh despised his sole existence, he was going to inherit his title. Not that either of them wanted that, but leaving everything to Declan sounded like a god awful plan and something that he wouldn't want to do, not unless his father were to strip him of his title and throw him out for committing a serious offense. "So, your father is just like me?", he joked instead, knowing fully well that he was being self-depreciating now and still grinning at his boyfriend like it was the most normal thing to say. Caelan, most likely, didn't fancy that one bit. "Maybe I can raise his opinion of you, we'll see."

"But we don't have to buy a good coat for me when I can just steal yours!" Ronan was, for the lack of a better word, sometimes extremely cheeky and it showed, especially now that he actually gave Caelan a peck on the lips. They both could be idiots, no doubt about it, but sometimes they just felt like they'd specifically searched for one another to annoy the hell out of each other and it showed - not, that he did mind. In fact, Caelan did felt like a fresh breeze in his life and made everything a bit better than it was. "If we make this a deal it'll probably happen as often as I suck you off every morning, since we made a deal out of that too. Maybe I can try, though", he proposed. What else was there to do anyway, other than that? If they agreed on something, they should at least stick to the plan and Ronan was the one who wasn't doing that, so why not give Caelan what he wanted? "I'll get changed then, bring some blankets and a bottle of liquor - and some wine, if I can find a good bottle." And that was all there was to say, no? Some stargazing, some alcohol - what else could he really ask for to begin with?

Ronan left Caelan be, went back to his room and started changing - and for some reason, wearing the shirt Caelan had lend him, sounded more than alluring, even if it was a bit too big. After that, he put on a coat and in the end, all of this felt cozy enough and he still dragged the blankets off of his bed, draped them around his shoulders and found time to take a bottle of liquor from one of the neighbouring rooms, as well as a bottle of red wine. With all that in tow, he went back to Caelan. "We can leave if you'd like. We can just use my blankets, but we can also bring some of yours ..." Hopefully the shirt fit, he'd even partially tucked it in just so that it wasn't increasingly obvious to everyone that might be passing by them that he wasn't wearing his own clothing. "You also could help me carry something, but only if you'd like."

Now, there was things that Ronan sometimes was expecting and while he would have liked for Caelan to sit back and relax, the blonde didn't, instead he pulled on the blankets in his hands, grabbed them and was good to go like that - even bringing his own. Instead of just stargazing, this looked like they were going camping and hoping to build a tent out of their blankets, not, that that would work or hold up against any bad weather, but the thought itself was quite endearing to say the least. "I ... yes, it's yours. I just like it, it's not too snug and it keeps me warm, but it sadly doesn't smell like you anymore, so I'd appreciate another one", he mumbled, his usually pale face feeling like it had just gotten a red shade or two darker as he averted his gaze from Caelans piercing blue eyes. Ronan was, in fact, behaving like a little girl that had no idea of anything, let alone knew what a crush was and now he acted like he was back at square one, where he was struggling to admit to himself that he liked Caelan, maybe more than one should like another man, but that was nonsense to begin with - being dishonest to onself only caused trouble, just like it always did.

"Anyways, as I was saying, just follow me", he assured Caelan before leaving the room. Neither his father or doctor would be keen on seeing them both sneak out so late, especially with expensive blankets and some stolen liquor - god knew what they were up to in the eyes of these two, so Ronan just took the opportunity to show Caelan an exit in the guest wing, somewhere where they wouldn't be disturbed. It didn't take them long to find their way down the stairwell, to a seemingly old and heavy door and once Ronan leaned against it to open it, simply because pushing it open with two full hands was impossible, the cold air of the impending night wafted into their faces, serving as a grim reminder of the fact that while Alster was thawing, while the snow was receeding as fast as it could, it still was somewhat chilly at night and despite their best efforts, they would get cold eventually. Well, he would, not Caelan, but ... if they wanted to spend the night outside, they should have brought more. "Come", he simply said before leading Caelan away from the glimmering lights in Alsters manor and the fires burning to keep their way alight. Where they went, as long as the sun hadn't gone down completely, they needed no lights and even if it wound up being dark, they could still see the mansion from where they were, so they didn't need any sources of light to begin with. His path let them out of the garden, upon a steep hill not too far away, yet mainly out of sight. "Here should be fine!"

"Or your entire wardrobe, but I think that would be hard to hoist around", he chuckled, knowing fully well that trading back and forth some clothes with Caelan would seem suspicious sooner or later, but most likely sooner. In the end, he was trying his best and as best as he could, he failed - as simple as that. While Ronan had hoped for an easier solution to their problem, or literally anything that could make this a bit more exciting, he was met with what he thought was a bit of resistance from himself - from someone that knew what would happen if he didn't comply to the orders of this world or the rules set by his fellow nobles. In the end, he was just happy that he got to sit down, take in the fresh air and maybe enjoy whatever unfolded before his eyes, but even if he would, he knew that nothing made much sense if he just let it would dissipate in silence. Caelan had already taken it upon himself to keep him warm, yet he was the one that was sitting on a blanket, wore an already quite comfortable shirt, his own coat, had Caelans coat draped around his shoulders and a blanket too - Ronan couldn't help but snort as he bit back laughter, despite all of this being endearing.

"More than that, you really don't have to wrap me up like I'm a present that you are dying to strip of its packaging", he joked, but he didn't discard what he'd been offered, no. The blonde was right, he was the one that would get cold sooner or later and he was the one that would bemoan the fact, so he'd rather stay nice and warm right then and there just to avoid anything else. Still, he felt exhilerated, maybe even a bit too much, simply because he was loving every second of what Caelan had offered him, though, he actually inched closer to the blonde, despite having no intention to lay down. "You mean drink", he laughed, before pretty much unscrewed the bottle of liquor then and there, taking a whiff and then putting it to his lips. It did burn in his throat, ever so slightly, and it made him feel warm immediately after. Now, the thing was, he could have kept it all to himself, but after another gulp, he handed the open bottle to Caelan and put his head against the blondes upper arm. "Have fun", he snickered - well, he was expecting the blonde to at least be familiar with the taste and the burn, judging by the fact that people in Fhaergus drank similar stuff.

"Let that be my problem", he proposed. Alternatively, he could always opt out and say that he was trying to grow into these shirts that clearly weren't tailored for him, but ... wasn't it still worth a try? Alas, in the end, he was just making a fool of himself and having a pile of unwashed laundry, specifically of a another man in his bed sounded as if he was dying to be killed, publically executed even, for going against everything that he was taught. "I think I could come up with an excuse if I wanted to, but ... best not keep your laundry in plain sight." After all, unless he really wanted to die, he might as well just keep up the good work he had been doing and piss his father off to no end - maybe, just maybe, that was going to lift the veil on his eyes and show him that his son was, while not even that, so much more that he could hate. Though, Ronan was not keen on giving his father that much attention and while he considered a plethora of things, maybe some poison in his beloved tea would also change his mind, as long as he stayed sane - but then again, even if he were to try, Darragh would find out eventually and once he did, he would be the one that had a gigantic problem, worse than the relationship he had with Caelan. Essentially, he would be committing treason of some sort, no?

"I'm not complaining ... it just caught me a bit off guard, but thank you, Caelan", he responded. In the end, the two of them were nothing but two idiots, in love with one another and once the first aspect of their relationship dissipated, he wondered if they still would act like they did now, would still be in love how they always thought they were and almost yearning for one another to be by their side for as long as possible. Naturally, he was the one that wasn't entirely sure if their relationship wouldn't be killed off the moment either of their parents thought they were spending too much time with one another, but what did he know? Ronan had, for one, no interest in ruining their lives or their relationship and therefore wouldn't go out of his way to do anything like that. Instead, he jolted as he felt the pinch in his shoulder. "Stop that!", he yelled, pinching Caelan in the side - that was well deserved, was it not? Other than that, however, it also felt like pure bliss watching him and his slowly darkening features in the evening sun and the sudden but brief change in his expression as he took a gulp from the bottle. "Why would I lie?" While his original secret, the one that he said he'd never lie, hadn't been something he could have upheld, ever, he had no intention of lying to Caelan about alcohol or something as trivial as that. Instead, he took it back and took another sip, for courage. "We got ourselves out of the mansion, too!", he exclaimed - it was a small victory, but it was one after all. His gaze fell onto the few speckles that already had surfaced on the nightsky, but there were many more to follow, he was sure. "You know, this is nice ... being out here with you is something I didn't know I needed", he mumbled, cuddling up against Caelan.

"I'm not planning on giving your coat back to you anytime soon!", he retaliated, sticking his tongue out to the blonde - Ronan had no intention of giving back what had been given to him, but in all honesty, when did he? It was odd of him to assume that everything Caelan handed to him now was his, but why share it when he could just keep it until he was asked to give back what wasn't his? "Sounds like I should give you something too, just so you won't be lonely either - but what? I doubt you could wear my clothes." Not that the blonde would rip them, but they were probably going to be strained one way or the other the moment that Caelan put them on to begin with - and that couldn't be comfortable. However, he didn't want his fellow noble to go back home empty handed, not when he - of all people - was the one that absolutely had no sense of personal space when it came to people he liked, or cherished even. This also meant that Caelan had to endure him, his antics and any spontaneous idea he might have, just for the sake of his own entertainment, like coming out here just to stargaze - and in retaliation, Ronan had to endure the blonde tugging at his clothes. "You don't want to undress me out here, do you?"

Maybe this was the kind of "romantic" Caelan wanted, but who knew, for now he was content watching small puffs of hot air floating upwards before the disappeared and as his eyes followed them, they fell onto all those bright splotches, lighting up the soon-to-be pitch black sky. Was this really the kind of entertainment that they both sought after? Now, they could enjoy themselves as long as they wanted to, well, as long as nobody started searching for them, but who would, at this hour? Ronan was, without a doubt, fairly certain that no one would be looking for them, at least not out here and even if they did, why should the two of them hurry back? "I'm good for surprises, aren't I? But I'll take you up on that offer - whatever your uncle brews and you're willing to hand me, I'll at least give a try", he chuckled, before he already had to clutch the bottle, as to not spill anything - Caelan was being rash. "I'm glad - I usually hate having to go out, but with you around, I don't mind at all." Ronan was happy, especially with Caelan around and he was happy whenever he could spend time with him - his heart felt like it was beating faster than before and maybe, just maybe, that was something he'd anticipated from the getgo. Being with him was nice, being close to him was even better - even when he was dragged down, fell on his back and could have sworn that the liquor should have spilled, everything was fine, which led to him setting the bottle aside. "Easier said than done", Ronan laughed, before focusing his gaze on what was up ahead. Well, this time of year there wasn't much to find, it was better once summer passed by, but for now, he only lifted his hand upward and pointed at some random direction. "Did you find anything yet?"

"I can't exactly wear it and ride all the way to your home with it without raising suspicion and having you get cold at some point, can I now?", he asked, actually wanting an answer this time around. Maybe he was wrong, but that was something for another time, something he shouldn't have to figure out by now, or the end of this night, but rather when they actually departed for Caelans home. Even so, Ronan wondered how long they could stay together like this, glued to one another and when they first and last slip-up would happen - though, that was a rather sad thought, was it not? He wouldn't want to share Caelan, he'd made that clear before, which meant he'd stay with him as long as he could, even if he was risking something by doing so. "Another book? I can give you as many as you'd like, but you can ask for something more personal, if anything comes to mind." Clothes were out of question - at least the ones that didn't fit Caelan in the slightest - and books were rather hard to cuddle with, no? That meant that swords would also be a bit of a pain to lend out, as well as any other type of weapon. "I doub't that I'd freeze to death, but under so many layers, there's only one way to find out - but I'm fairly certain your touch would keep me warm", Ronan laughed, knowing well enough that that was just a plain old lie. His boyfriend was right, he would get cold as soon as the breeze hit his exposed skin, yet, he didn't want to admit it.

"Let me guess, you also thought I was a lightweight and the only thing I could do is scowl at you, didn't you?" Assumptions like those weren't too far off, but now, Caelan had actually pipqued his interest for another reason as well. "Actually, I want to know something. Everyone assumes I'm frail and sickly, which means you'd probably have an assumption or two about me, too - spit them out!" Now, he was daring, but he didn't take his gaze off of the stars and the constellations, many of which were still hidden this time of year. However, what else could he have asked for? He actually got to cuddle up to Caelan, he stayed warm and they were away from his parents, from whatever was going on inside the mansion - something that he enjoyed, he really did. "Sure, though, I doubt I'll wear that coat for long once you try to get into my pants", Ronan joked. Now, he hoped that both of them were decent enough to not spend their entire "vacation" sleeping with one another, but on the other hand, that wasn't something too unlikely, especially once that pesky wound on the blondes face had healed - something he actually did anticipate, for one reason or the other. However, this right here, right now, was more than fine - and he was fairly certain that it wasn't the liquor that was getting to his head. "Why on earth is this deer visible the entire year?", he snorted suddenly, as Caelan pointed him in the right direction. When wasn't Olette's Deer on the nightsky? "Though, nice that you caught my bluff."