sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

This had taken forever and Ronan felt rightfully exhausted by the ordeal itself. It had felt good, yes, but it most likely also was a bit ardurous to get through. All that remained the mess that they'd made of their bodies, the mess that had become their bedsheets and the fact that they both didn't do much but share exasperated breathing between them. Was this really all there was? Ronan felt like cuddling up to his boyfriend, but he still couldn't see, couldn't make out where he was supposed to be. Incidentally, it almost felt like a relief when he felt the tugging on the hairband, his hands being lifted and placed somewhere else. Caelan was soft enough about this, he wondered how someone like him could be so rough at the same time, but alas, Ronan had riled him up and made him do his bidding, no questions asked. He was almost happy, considering he knew Caelan felt fine when he played with him and Ronan wondered, ever so slightly, once he shut that mouth of his, if this had been to his boyfriends satisfaction as well, or if he prefered to not play games like these, instead revelling in something else - who knew, maybe Caelan of Fhaergus was actually a vanilla person through and through? If he were, he probably would have said something, wouldn't he?

Good boy - wasn't Caelan the dog? Not that he did mind, in fact, this was an anticipated change of pace and for once, the touches on his skin felt amplified by the leftover pleasure still coursing through his system and he couldn't help but lean into the faint touches he received, to rub his face against Caelans hand - oh, he accepted defeat, even if it was bittersweet. "Please", he urged his boyfriend, wanting to see again, wanting to use those damn hands of his again and once he felt the final tug, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to move his own hands, only gripping at the loose piece of fabric, refusing to pull it off of his wrists entirely, just to hold onto it, lest it got lost between the two of them, in a bed it shouldn't be in. The tugging on his blindfold, on Caelans shirt, reeled him back into reality, showed him what he had missed and it was odd, the sudden flood of afternoon light in his field of vision, the blur across Caelans face before he realized that his eyes were probably wet with tears. Pleasure was an odd thing, wasn't it? "And? How did I do?", he asked, chuckling, still exhausted, trying to find Caelans hands with his own, but his face was already nuzzling up to him either way. "You are pretty relentless once I rile you up. I expected everything, but your underwear!"

If he was terribly honest, he probably wouldn't have minded if he had to wear this blindfold for a bit longer, but he also wouldn't mind being back at the hut, free of any troubles and ailments that could befall them out here, but as fate had willed it, they now were in a guest room, in Alsters finest building - well, Darragh would probably claim this ugly mansion was - and sharing a bed with one another, sharing thoughts that very much went nowhere. Was this all they had, all they wanted for the time being? Ronan lifted his hands, put the stupid hairband away, threw it out of Caelans damn bed and then, he put those hands where they had been earlier. "I know! I wanted to know how good of a puppy I was, o great Caelan of Fhaergus! You were fantastic, no doubt about it!", Ronan laughed. He had been called a good boy, but was there all there was to it? Nothing else, just a good boy? Now, this felt odd, but he had to deal with it if that was all his boyfriend had to say about it and he had no right to complain, not that he wanted to do so either way. "You were so good, I'll remember it and well, I want to come back for more once your pretty little face is healed all the way, how's that sound? Then you can properly manhandle me, without limitations." Oh, he enjoyed this, so much.

"Which means you were a good boy, too." Naturally, that only meant the two of them - very much - had nothing else to do but cherish the time they had with one another from now on, which ... was Caelan honest about what he had said earlier? He almost didn't dare to ask. "Hm, you could have used my shirt. Or, maybe your blanket? I mean ... your dick would have worked too, but we'd have to change positions for that, I believe", he said, as if it was fairly normal for him to just suck off another man, without any repercussion. Now, that only meant he'd grown to accept who he was, no? "Did I like it? I mean, a proper setup is granted to feel better, especially if I don't have to pretend my arms are being held up, buuut, I enjoyed it very much. Much more than I anticipated, but you really surprised be! I didn't think you'd just blindfold me, you know?" That was the only thing, alongside the makeshift gag, he hadn't counted on, not once, definitely not. Incidentally, this meant that he had to give back to Caelan at some point like he'd promised, no? What else was he supposed to do? "I know, and my wish still stands, but I want to do it properly, so you'll have to wait ... or. When you're kidnapping me to go back home with you, we could stop at that place of yours, how's that sound?"

What else could one want? He was with who he wanted to be, he spent time with him now - there was no way out and he didn't even have to look for it, he didn't event want to find it. Ronan knew, as much as he loathed to admit it, he was not whole without a man he hadn't even known for that long. Surely, he would be able to function without him, but for the entirety of Caelan's absence, he had wished that he hadn't let him go to begin with. What was he supposed to do? They couldn't spend all their time together, even if it was tender moments like these that had him in awe, that let him peer right back into two blue marbles, reminiscent of the cloudless summer sky - of the freedom he wanted but failed to obtain. Wasn't it odd, the fact that just a pair of eyes, up close to his face, could make him feel this way? "A bit too much evaluation, if you ask me!", he chuckled. "Although, I'm glad you enjoyed our little play - I would not mind if you came back for more at a later date, I'll promise to be a good puppy." Ronan was serious - why wouldn't he be? They could play games like these, switch positions sometimes and then call it a day, because right now, he should clean up the mess they both had made, but he wanted nothing more than to cuddle that boyfriend of his. The soft touches were a plus, very much so, as he nuzzled his face into Caelans chest. "I enjoy your services, so I'll be back."

"I could have spat out your underwear, too, but ... I didn't have enough saliva for that, you know?", he grumbled, almost disappointed as he rubbed his face against the blondes chest, seemingly annoyed that he did not think about any of this beforehand. What came after that? "Broken is a good word to describe our current state, we ... look like we are in shambles. Speaking of which, shouldn't we clean up?", he asked. Ronan knew that he didn't want to move and he was almost certain that it wouldn't be any different for Caelan. The door was locked, but still, if someone wanted to come in here, they had to clean up one way or the other before anyone could notice - this was a dangerous game but somehow, they were still playing it. "I think it's more of ... I was pretty taken aback by it and when I can't see what you are doing, or see anything at all, everything else feels more intense, as if my body was trying to compensate by heightening the other senses a bit too much", Ronan elaborated. Not that it had felt bad, but Caelan was also almost right - he had felt as if he was focusing on what was at hand, not at what he was supposed to do - and right now, he didn't even care. "Fine then, I'll bring half of my torture dungeon, if you want me to. Not that I have one", he laughed, but that meant they could spend some time alone, too, right? "You know, I wish we could just have some time to ourselves again, not like this ... just somewhere, where nobody will get on our nerves."

Caelan was everything Ronan wanted to be an so much more - he was like the bright brimming sun, compared to him, a lone star in a pitchblack sea of thousands. Why him, of all people? Wasn't Caelan content with what he had? No, he didn't seem to be - and for once, Ronan was glad that it was him, him in a sea of thousands, swallowed by those shining brighter and more vibrant than him, yet not unnoticable. "Does it sound odd if I say that I'm glad to be with you?", he mumbled. Sure, they had talked about something else just now, but right now, it still felt like he was coming down from a high, for something feeling so incredibly good, as if the blonde had been a temptress all alone. Hell, none of this had felt real to begin with, but it very much was, they very much were in love and everything seemed to reek of it as a confirmation. What would he do, without someone like him, without someone that felt like he'd be able to keep him sane for a little while longer? Those fingers, Caelans hand - the skin on them felt rough, calloused but it wasn't bad, it felt like a change of pace, it felt good. So good. "I know, I'm a bit disobedient. Let me try and to be good on my own next time, will you? You may tie me up as a precaution, if you wish to, master."

"Oh, would you? I'd like to see you try, now that you finally let me!", the young noble laughed. They both were horrible to one another, if given the chance that was - right now, they very much were trying to one-up another, were they not? God, what would he give to just have two working wrists right now and no healing wound on Caelans face? "It's not that it bothers me ... but, what are we going to do if the doc wants to pay you a visit? Let him wait?" That wasn't a good option and while they very much would be able to try to make up a believable lie, maybe now was not the right time for it, especially not on his part. Ronan felt oddly tired, as one might guess, now that he had snuggled up to the only person he seemingly gave a damn about and was hiding his face in his broad chest. "You better show me something good, then. I'd also like to see as much of Fhaergus as I can while I'm there - because I'm sure my father will ... forget it, I'll just try to make up a bullshit excuse and hope he'll buy it for once. I'm really not in the mood to get beaten black and blue." And while Caelan would try to ward it off as best as he could, there was no guarantee that Darragh would just accept that mild inconvenience.

"Then I'm glad", he responded, knowing that he had a place in someones heart, that there would be someone to remember him - there was nothing else to be done, Ronan knew as much, but being accepted for who he was, for who he ought to be, it felt lovely. Mere weeks ago, he would have claimed that there was no chance in hell for him to give up on his plans to die young, give up on the pain he inflicted upon himself to feel something, to feel alive - to grasp the last straw before falling deep, falling down the well and into the abyss called death. Caelan, however, had managed to open the box of pandora for him, to show him that there was beauty everywhere he gazed, but not in his very own death, the end of his feeble, short and not even well-lived life. A touch meant worlds to him, a word much more than that - and all in all, he still wondered why it had been him, why he was the one who was loved and not somebody else. Had he been at the right place, at the right time? Or was it merely fate, still? "If you can't maybe I'll have to convince you, then. I'll be good, just for you, just this once, if you want me to - or, if you'd rather tame that bratty me, you'd have to tell me." Any intention of getting back up and actually using his mouth to do anything else than talking, however, was out of question right now - Caelan had made him tired with actions alone.

Black locks were soon obscuring his field of vision - was this all part of his devious plan? No, it didn't sound like that, it sounded more like he now was toying with him, making sure that that smile on his face wouldn't turn into the same frown it once had been and then he questioned how he looked without Caelan around, what facial expression he wore and how notable the apparent difference was. "What if he wants you to get up and you have to cast your blanket aside? Now you're being bold, but I'll accept it, this once, you hear me? And he has to knock, the damn door is locked and the key is in the lock", he laughed. If there was an intruder, they could just try their darnest to hide most of their mistakes, his boyfriend was right about that. If one were to believe them, however, well, that very much was a different story. "Anything is fine with me, I just want to spend time with you, nothing more. As for my father, don't worry too much about him, it's not worth the headache he's going to give you, trust me. Let him be an afterthought in Fhaergus, will you?" Last time, when they spent time at the hut together, Darragh - at first - had been merely mad, but after he had taken his sweet time to return home, he eventually found himself subjected to short but painful humiliation, nothing new coming from his father. "So, what now?"

And how would I do that?, was already on the tip of his tongue, but instead he clicked it and tried stopping himself from snarling at the blonde. Dear lord, Caelan was right, his manners were utter dogshit at best, weren't they? Well, there was room for improvement regardless of the sentiment he'd given himself and if he couldn't figure out how to do all this, who else would, really? "You're a tough nut to crack, I'll give you that, but I'll do my best and prove to you how tame I can be if I want to, just so you watch", he retaliated. Ronan was painfully aware that he still wasn't being too nice, but for fucks sake, he tried his best. Right now, all of his priorities lay elsewhere though, somewhere where they shouldn't be and the fact that there was a stack of papers on the nightstand, waiting to be taken care of, didn't make any of this any better. Caelan had taken his mind off of things pretty fast, quicker than he thought he would, but now he found himself faced with consequences he'd rather ignore, especially when it felt so nice to just lay here, to forget about the world around him and suffocate himself against the blondes skin that felt way too warm on his own, yet somewhat comforting. Caelans presence was enough to reassure him that he'd be safe, wasn't it?

"I'd be very pleased if you wouldn't get up, actually", he mumbled, knowing fully well that whatever he attempted now would only result in failure. His brain felt like mush for one reason or the other and all in all, he felt stupid for considering that they'd be disturbed - they were in the guest wing of this mansion, too large to even map it out properly and too much of a maze for most of the unfortunate servants that worked here. Ronan was being cautious, knew well enough that there were countless places to hide, yet, his father always found him and he feared that, if anyone caught wind, he and Caelan would be dead, faster than they could find a suitable excuse, even if it only took them mere seconds, or a minute. "Fair enough. You can't imagine how many countless nights I've spent in there, unable to even sleep. I don't like the infirmary, not one bit - it just smells of death and failure", he sighed. Well, failure to kill oneself, or rather failure to comply and stay alive, it was almost sad that he almost had been among those that had lost their lives, yet, he knew very well why he had tried in the first place, had even wanted it, but ... not right now, right now the world felt whole, like nothing bad could ever happen. "I know you don't want that, but my father is a lunatic so it's best to just ignore him." Was there any other chance to begin with? No, instead, he wanted to cherish what time he had with his boyfriend, however little it may be. "Cuddling with you is fine, I have nowhere to be."

"Me? You've already cracked me wide open." A lie, among many - Caelan had made him open up a bit more, yes, but that was about all there was to it, Ronan wasn't magically going to change into an entirely different person, let alone become someone that had no semblance of the past or knew that his efforts were in vain, knew that everything he attemped was merely an attempt at doing things the wrong way. Happiness wasn't exactly what he could achieve, but as long as someone like Caelan could love someone like him, why wouldn't it suffice for him to just be, to just exist? Whatever happiness existed within him, his boyfriend did wonders to drag it out, helped him become someone he'd never imagined he'd be, but at this point, was he to blame himself or someone else? "I love you, too", he mumbled. Ronan knew that there was nothing else he could do, though, he squeezed Caelan a bit tighter, wanted to be closer to him than he already was and yet, he was happy to avoid his gaze, to avoid seeing anything that his eyes could be telling him - Ronan hated it, the mere thought of being judged for existing, being judged for the things he did to himself and at this point, he wasn't sure if this all meant that he was scared of the blonde or just scared of rejection. What was it now?

"You better", he chastised him shortly thereafter but only chuckled for a second. This felt nice, it felt warm, felt good - but Caelan always did, he sounded like someone that was going to help him, going to make all of this work out, help him find his place in this world that seemingly had none for him. God, why was he even trying to cling to a life without a future, why was he attempting at making all of this work out? Was he worth it, worth the effort, the pain that his boyfriend would have to go through? "Not to ... what?", he asked, dumbfounded for a second, blurting all of this out before thinking about it - only to shake his head. "I might give it a thought", he gasped, exasperated already, tired almost. He was sure that the man that held him right now, that attempted to make his miserable life slightly better, was only doing so because he actually wanted to help him, felt like he'd do the black haired youth a favor by showing him what life could be like and maybe he was right, maybe it was stupid to think about this, to let himself be dragged down by a man that cared about no one but himself, but then, what? "I love you too, Caelan - so much." Was his boyfriend tired? He wasn't going to stop him from resting and ... it was just right for him to rest, too, no?

Caelan was good at enabling his worst behavior, no doubt about it - Ronan knew as much. Though, he really didn't have to dress up like that after he'd insisted to eat with his family just once. Did they really want to? It already bored himself to death, his father was impossible to talk to and his mother always tried to lighten the mood, which seldom worked with someone like his father around, who'd much rather excuse himself from opportunities like these and spend all his time, brooding at his very own table and looking at the paperwork Ronan had handed him. Rinse and repeat and it was going to be a disaster, especially since his father barely knew regard for those he disliked and with Caelan among them, Ronan was almost certaint hat something would be happening, even if he sat there, all composed and just ate his food or only talked when spoken too. "And you really want to do this?", he asked, feeling nauseous from the thought alone. Oh, Ronan hated it more than anything and very much would have liked it if they would have just left him and Caelan to eat alone. Unlike Caelan, who actually seemed to give a damn about any impression he could make, Ronan sat there in a white shirt, black pants and the same annoying boots he almost always wore and his hair, neatly tied up. His own eyes were longingly fixated on the blonde and maybe, just maybe, he should cut that out.

It didn't take long for his mother to arrive, which wasn't surprising in the least - nor was it surprising that Declan was nowhere to be found when his father found his way in and Ronan felt a knot in his throat form, his whole demeanor change. Either way, if his little brother wasn't present, there were all the more reasons for his father to chew him out, for him to avert his gaze from Caelan and just stare at the empty plate infront of him. Suddenly, he felt sick down to his stomach, his hair stand on end and he wondered why on earth he had complied with this plan, especially after his parents had seated themselves. "How do you feel?", a feeble voice asked, directed at Caelan with a soft smile, while his father was glaring daggers at one of them, whoever that was. Of course his mother cared about him, she couldn't just ignore one of her guests that visibily hadn't been feeling too well a few days prior. Now, what? "You don't have to a-" "Don't pester him", his fathers voice almost immediately rung through and despite it being directed at his mother, Ronan already felt awkward enough and looked up, only to grant his boyfriend a weak smile as an apology. Soon enough, all this awkwardness would be replaced by eating in absolute silence and while they did, all three of them were save from stupid remarks, which was why he almost felt relieved when the food arrived at their table. There could go nothing wrong now, right?

This was embarrassing, he knew as much already. Ronan knew that this had been a mistake, that he shouldn't have invited Caelan to have dinner with him and his family, but what else was he supposed to do? There was barely anything he could do about that now, he was stuck, one way or the other and forced to endure this on his behalf and Caelans too - what else was there to begin with? What other choiches did he have except these? At least Caelan was open enough to talk to his parents, friendly enough to just chime in and not let himself be deterred by the words coming from his fathers mouth. Ronan hated Darragh, as much as Darragh hated him and that much was clear just by looking at them for a little while. "Oh, no. You aren't disturbing us at all - feel free to rest as long as you need to", his mother reassured Caelan almost immediately, just to make sure her husband wouldn't take it upon himself. There was simmering animosity between them all, as much was guessable, but Ronan decided to not bring himself into the conversation, instead he patiently waited, lest his father would find something to criticize in front of both his mother and his boyfriend again. Why else wuld Declan be absent?

One quick glance to his father told him that he wasn't in the best of spirits, that whatever Caelan had answered just now was gradually pissing him off and maybe, just maybe, he reveled in it for a second, grinned a bit too obviously as his father glared at him from where he sat and he immediately averted his gaze back to his plate. Likewise, said father was the first to take the fork offered to him, despite having the option to offer Caelan - their guest - the opportunity to start eating first. Neither him or his mother said anything about it, knowingly, simply because the air that had flown into the room with Darragh had already been putrid and tainted. Was he mad over trivialities again? Well, who knew, really? Ronan glanced at Caelan and started eating himself, searching for any topic that would be tolerated on this table that wasn't going to piss his father off. Though, there already was something that Darragh seemingly had in mind as he put aside his own silverware. "How are the reports coming along?", he asked, looking at him, expecting only one definite answer. Ronan bit back a sigh. "I'm almost done with them." "Almost?" "Yes, only about t-" "Whatever." Why was his father like this, in front of another noble?

Darraghs strong suit was everything but being a nice and decent person as it seemed - especially when confronted with those guests of his. Meanwhile, Saoirse - his mother - had different conceptions about all of this, knew that she wouldn't need to chastise him. Ronan finished his work almost always on time, but Caelan was some sort of distraction for him, no doubt about it - which wasn't bad, no, he took his mind off of things, but it also resulted in him not doing as much as he could be doing, especially not when his father always thought he was too slow. Was there even the glimpse of a chance to get his father to cooperate with him, to get him to just accept all of this the way it was? Ronan felt somewhat lost, especially now that he had taken such a big leap from not wanting Caelan to know anybody, to having him sit at the table with him and his parents. Whatever he did, from his posture, to his behavior, from his work to his demeanor, Darragh hated it and it showed, resurfaced at every give opportunity which - therefore - resulted in his mother trying to lighten the ruined mood and Caelan being equally quick to just attempt and save face, spare him the humiliation that his father wanted him to feel. Why was it that Darragh was so hellbent on him feeling horrible to begin with?

Who, on earth, did this man even like? His entire appetite had gone out of the wind just seconds before their first exchange and right now, he'd be glad if he got to eat more than just the vegetables that sat on his plate. He ignored Darragh, ate his food in silence and barely glanced up, or looked anyone in the eye, until Caelan raised his voice - this was already as embarrassing as it could get, what else could his boyfriend want? Whatever just came from his lips sounded like a joke and Ronan wanted to open his mouth, tell him to zip it, to not propose something so ridiculous lest he'd anger his father, but his mother was already on Caelans case. "I'm glad you enjoyed it!", she said, already quite bubbly about the fact that someone liked the events she got to throw once in a while. Darragh really was out to ruin his own family, wasn't he? "I think it would be a great opportunity for Ronan to visit you in Fhaergus, don't you think so too, Darragh?", she asked in her husbands direction - asked a man who already was seething about being one-upped by the two of them, but Ronan had a hard time biting back his laughter. "I wouldn't mind visiting him, I'm sure it will do wonders for our countries relationship with one another", Ronan uttered and he knew that his father - albeit still only looking as grumpy as he'd looked before - was ready to rip his head off. "As long as this trip is beneficial for both of our countries and your father agrees, I don't see why not", the old man finally answered through grit teeth - Caelan really had pissed him off, huh?