sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

    • "I want you to hit me to prove to me that you can fight. I want to see your face when your wound gets strained and I want to know if you can do it. Also I kind of deserve it and it will make me feel better, after saying all those things and hurting you in more than one way. You won't hurt me, I don't ask you to beat me to death or kick my balls. My face is fine, or my chest if you wish and maybe it even helps you releasing some of the tension you do not want to let out on me in another way.", Caelan explained, looking at Ronan, studying him for a moment. "I've had worse too you know? I've been impaled by a wild boar, I can handle a weaponless punch from you." It was true, even if Ronan put all his strength in a punch to Caelans face, it wouldn't hurt that much, not like all those other things Caelan let happen to himself, not after all those stupid things he did with Cameron or the fights he had when he was younger. "Hurt me all you want, it's fine.", Caelan simply answered, he didn't want anyone else.

      Ronan seemed to cheer up a bit, while Caelan still wasn't, probably because he had to hurt Ronan in a few minutes and he still had to watch him bleed like that. He didn't like seeing him like that, he didn't want to be the one to hurt him, but he wanted to help him. He wasn't sure if he should, or if he would do better to just drag him to a doctor or tie him to the bed so he couldn't attend the tournament. He wasn't sure what Ronans father would say and he wasn't sure about the path he should take in supporting Ronan as his boyfriend. He wanted to help him, he'd do almost anything for him, but was this best for Ronan as well? "The fight will end if you start bleeding and your father will know that this didn't come from a sword. Take it slow, if you're outmanoeuvring your opponent you don't even have to land a single hit yourself to win. Make them loose their weapon, or make them trip so you have the upper hand." Caelan should have taken more time at that hut to help Ronan with his tactics and style. Ronan would do his best and he wasn't weak, but he didn't have much experience, did he now? Maybe at least his father had taught him something. For now Caelan followed Ronan to his room and grabbed his knife again to heat it by the fireplace. While he waited there and Ronan readied himself Caelan sighed again. "You should put something in your mouth.", he said and checked his knife again, when he felt it was hot enough he walked over to Ronan, this wasn't exactly how he imagined seeing him again. "Lie down.", Caelan said, pressing him down already, so far from the fireplace he needed to be quick before the knife cooled down too much again. "I'll hold you down.", he told him, he didn't want him to move too much and make Caelan slip, hurting him more than what was necessary. Since he only had two hands and he didn't want to tie Ronan down, he just pressed one of his knees on Ronans shoulder, moving his hand from the pad and taking it's place instead with his, that was also holding the knife. His second hand grabbed Ronans, holding it down as well. "One, two..." he didn't count further, instead he pulled the pad away and pressed the hot knife on the wound for multiple seconds, while he kept Ronan from moving. Then he put the knife away, just setting it aside somewhere where it wouldn't damage anything, but he didn't care too much about it. Instead he slowly let go of Ronan and his hand found it's way on Ronans cheek. He let the wound breath for a moment, it wasn't necessary to patch it up right away now, in the end it was only so it didn't rub against Ronans clothes. "How do you feel?", Caelan asked, looking at him worried and now just sitting next to him on the bed. He remembered the first time he had to let Cameron help him with something similar, his stomach was turning and he was so close to throwing up. He knew it must have hurt.

    • "Caelan, you don't deserve being hurt because you hurt me a bit, I already told you, it's fine. And if you want me to prove the wound is going to stay shut and not tear open again, I could just hit anything and not you. Please, I ... I really don't want to hurt you, so don't make me do this, I beg of you", the black haired noble said. He'd hurt himself more than he'd hurt his boyfriend, not because of his apparent wounds or anything else that his body was sporting, but rather because there still was a hole in his stomach, a hole in his heart that wasn't being filled and hearing all that made his gut sink even more into his body, felt like he'd swallowed a stone that was now dropping down and pressing him against the floor. "Still, I don't want you to get hurt because of my stupidity, so ... I'd rather not", he argued back, averting his gaze and wanting this to stop - they both only had eyes for one another and yet he couldn't really do anything but concentrate on the task at hand, couldn't really help himself to anything but his own freedom from those shackles that he desperately tried to cast off. "I don't want to and it's not fine, though!", he retaliated. No, there was no place for him to hurt someone like Caelan, someone that gave a damn about him.

      Now, however, he lay there and was wondering how a hot knife would feel on his skin and what kind of scar it would leave - one that would, undoubtedly, always garner his own attention. It would probably look ugly, would be an eyesore, but ... Ronan was fine with it, there was worse and he knew. "I know, I get it - and I'll try, but again, promising something isn't something I should do, lest I break it", he mumbled, fully aware of the fact that he'd probably end up doing something he shouldn't, that his scar was going to break open because after all, it wasn't a scar - it was a healing wound that he shouldn't have inflicted upon himself, but it was too late now. "Something?", he asked, before grabbing the end of one of his blankets and stuffing it in his mouth for good measurement as he watched Caelan do as he saw fit, slowly maneuvering above him and holding him down. What was this going to be? Painful, or even horribly anxiety inducing? His heart was racing for all the wrong reasons and the grip on his hand, on his body, was telling him everything he felt like he needed to know about this situation. Soon thereafter, the stinging pain got worse and he'd actually dug his teeth into the blanket - burnt skin smelled horrible and the knife hurt, the ringing pain in his wrist told him enough about it all, without having to take a look. Ronan was happy once Caelan let go, once his touches became softer and he could actually breathe out - and yet, a touch as soft as the cheek on his hand made him flinch, slightly but surely. "I ... it hurts, but ... I think it's better. It ... stings less", he mumbled - his wrist felt numb by now, aside from the dull pain that was pounding in it and he leaned into Caelans touch, rubbed his face against the hand offered to him. "I'm sorry for being such a bother." Was he crying again? Oh, he was.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "You know you have to fight me at some point? I just want you to practice that, I want to know that you can. If you can raise your hand against me, I'm sure it's not a problem with the other contestants.", Caelan calmly answered, Ronan was taking this too seriously and for some reason Caelan thought Ronan needed that, maybe he also needed to let himself go for once, before it was too late and he snapped at the tournament, however that may look. He didn't want Ronan to be scared about the crowd, or anxious about hurting someone and he also didn't want him to get a taste of it, a taste of power because he did win and then he wanted too much, got to eager and in the end actually hurt someone for real. "It's not about your punch, it's about your mind.", he explained, poking Ronans forehead with one finger. "Cameron and I fight all the time, it's really fine if you practice on me just once, would you feel better if you just hit the palm of my hand? If not, I won't ask again, but I just want to be sure I can let you go out there..." Caelan even let out something like a small laughter, looking at Ronan once again. "It's not fine? But it's fine if I hurt you? It's either this or that."

      "Just keep in mind what I told you...", Caelan said, clearly worried still. Watching Ronan bite into his blanket and after he was done, Ronan didn't look all that bad at least. Ronan flinched when Caelan touched him, which was a reason why Caelan didn't want to hurt him, whether he was asked to or not. He didn't want Ronan to associate Caelan with pain or anything like that. Caelan watched as the tears started to flow and found their way over Ronans cheeks. Did he cry because it did hurt after all, or because he was still sorry and Caelan had said all those things to him? At least he accepted Caelans hand on his skin and the blondes thumb wiped away a tear. "It's alright now.", he softly whispered and leaned down to softly dig his arms between Ronan and the mattress. He hugged him gently, he should have done this from the start, didn't he? "You're not to blame and it's alright to cry. I'm here for you. I'll always be here..." The blonde pressed the tender body against his own a little bit more and one hand found it's way into his hair, slowly caressing him. "If it hurts too much I can get you some ice...", Caelan said, as opposed to his stupid adventures with Cameron, they now had everything they could ask for in reach, anything to treat Ronan with, except maybe something to numb the pain, it least nothing they didn't need a doctor for or that wouldn't make Ronan drunk right before the tournament.

    • "I ... yes I do, but that fight is just for show and not real, you know? Well, it is real, but we're not actually out to hurt each other, not like that and you know it. I ... can hit you, right here, right now, but I really don't want to." Ronan was weak, he'd always been and there was no chance of success for him, not a single glimmer of hope shining through - he'd accepted so much at this point, he wouldn't mind being slain at some point, just to rid himself of the pain he felt like he was in. There was no one to compete with except Caelan and in the end, that proved fatal, because Caelan was dear to him, close to his heart and the thought about hurting him made it sting, made it unbearable to accept the atrocities that his head wanted him to commit. "About my mind?", he asked, confused as he was. Did Caelan want to prepare him mentally for his impending doom to save him from his own stage fright? Would that even work, or would he see himself getting stuck in a plethora of situations that would lead to his demise? "I ... is it really okay? I just ... not now. Is later okay?", he asked, taking note that if he hit Caelans palms, the blonde would at least be able to defend himself from Ronan. "But ... you hurt me on accident, that isn't something I can really blame you for!" Or should he?

      "I'll ... try that, yeah." And yet, would those words even help? Wasn't it the truth that most of his life was a sugarcoated mess of many things and that whatever he did, it didn't help him one bit? Crying helped, even if just temporarily and Ronan felt better while he did, felt the dull pain pounding in his wrist and liked it much more than the sharp stinging from earlier - but more than anything, he liked Caelans touches and his almost soft words. He was drained, exhausted almost and it showed; he'd been in pain for a while, had slept like shit and now that this all was changing, his body finally started to come to terms with itself. His boyfriends touches almost burned into his skin, yet again and Ronan felt tired, oh so tired, but he didn't want to sleep, he didn't think he could - instead, he came closer himself and nuzzled up to Caelans chest. "Always? Do you really want that? Either way, I'm thankful", he mumbled, still somewhat exhausted and teary-eyed, but feeling much better already. Ronan enjoyed the soft touches that Caelan brought down upon his trembling body and felt like leaning into all of them, felt like rubbing his face against his hand, but instead, he cuddled up to the blonde. "No, stay here. It's not too bad and also, I missed you. I'm sorry for making your worry."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Later is okay...", Caelan simply said, not pressing the matter any further. Ronan was tired, hurt and exhausted wasn't he? Caelan may have needed to prepare him for his first fight, mentally, but he also needed to make Ronan feel better, feel good about himself first. He couldn't be confident and calm if he didn't calm down first and holding him, letting him cry was fine. They had maybe two or three hours still to just spend time together in here, then the tournament would start. They couldn't miss it again. "It's never okay to hurt you, not on accident and not on purpose, not if you don't want it, not like that. It's not okay for me to do it and it's not okay for anyone else. I'll protect you as good as I can.", Caelan said, choosing his words wisely. He knew he couldn't protect Ronan from his father, he was a duke and the blonde was not, what was he supposed to do? He couldn't get Ronan out of here permanently either.

      Caelan made himself a little bit more comfortable, shifting his weight and grip around Ronan. He didn't want him to move his wrist too much, nor did he want him to accidentally hit it somewhere, or rub over it with the sheets or some clothes, so Caelan worked around Ronans position, actually... "If you turn to your side, I can wrap my arms around you from behind and just hold you for a while, you can keep your arm stretched out that way... or would you want it differently?", he asked lying next to him on the bed, still wiping some leftover tears from Ronans face, maybe he should have gotten a tissue or something. For now Caelan had one arm loosely placed on Ronans chest, while the other one was supporting Caelans head. After wiping away the last tear, Caelan continued softly caressing his cheek, his neck and his head, stroking over his hair and moving some lost strands out of his face. "I missed you too...", he smiled snuggling up a little more. He pressed his forehead against Ronans head, he wanted him close, he had missed this. "Tell me what makes you feel better and I'll do it... and tonight I'll sleep in the same bed as you, I won't let anybody stop me from that. Either I sneak in here or I'll kidnap you and bring you to my room."

    • "Is it?", he asked, a bit puzzled. Truth was that he didn't know himself - was it really, truly okay or was Caelan just saying it to get him off his case, to calm him down and show him that there wasn't much that could kill, except a few misplaced words? Ronan wasn't sure of any of it, but he knew for a fact that it didn't matter as long as he was around his boyfriend and willing to dabble in so much more than just a few suicidal thoughts. Where pain was, there could still be happiness - even if it was fragile and small, that didn't matter and Ronan knew that, knew that while he had spent the past few years in pain and agony, that didn't mean he couldn't become happy sooner or later - that didn't mean he couldn't be himself or even that he couldn't be who he wanted to be. Right here, right now, everything felt possible, as long as Caelan was around and held him tight. "But it's alright, one slip-up is and it was warranted to, but ... I'm going to count on you to protect me, alright?", he said, his voice all soft and faint, almost obsessed with the general idea of being protected by the dashing knight in shining armor that he had joked about. Maybe, just maybe, this would work out for the two of them, just like this, and if it did, Ronan would not mind.

      "I ... no, I think that sounds pleasant enough", even though he wanted nothing more than to be held by Caelan the other way around, it was best not to squeeze those wrists of his or even get them in a position that he'd eventually change a bit too much. Ronan shifted a bit until he lay there, stretched out his arms and pressed his back to Caelans stomach - it was warm, like everything about the blonde tended to be and it gave him hope for things he couldn't even name. "I want to cuddle with you, but it's probably better to let my arms rest and not concern ourselves with something that we can figure out later." At least tonight he'd want to bury his face in the blondes chest and wake up, glued to his skin - even if the feeling wouldn't be all that pleasant, Ronan was sure he'd sleep better than he had in a while and that was everything he wanted from the start. Caelan would be enough to banish some of those demons plagueing him and also he'd grant him a good rest, he'd give him more than the young noble had that he could actually say about certain things. "I missed you so much, I'm glad you're here." Caelan couldn't see that faint, weak smile of his but it was there, even though it disappeared soon thereafter. "I'll let you stay here as long as you want, I think I'll sleep better when you're around." As long as nobody looked for them, they could stay like this and hide in here - swallow down their own sorrows and forget about the waves of melancholy crashing over them. "I love you", Ronan murmured.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "It is... I'm not trying to hurt you or make you do something you'll regret... I'm just worried and I want to help you... maybe it's worth a try for you to try, but if you don't want to, you don't have to. So I'll stopp asking now.", Caelan murmured, especially now it wasn't important to get up again, or to shoo Ronan around, not hey cuddled until they had to get up and as long as it lasted Ronan should charge up some energy, some warmth from the body of his boyfriend. He needed to rest, wait for the pain to stop, if only a little bit and his body needed some moment of peace too. He was hurt badly twice, even if he didn't want to admit that. "Count on me... and get my help if you need it, I know I can't exactly fly over here, but I'll be as fast as I can." What would Caelan give if he could just teleport to Ronan if Ronan needed his presence, his warmth, his strength, anything. He'd hold him when his father was nagging again and he'd stop him from hurting him somehow.

      "Hm, good then...", Caelan mumbled and let Ronan get into position. Caelan cuddled up to him right after, moving his arm around Ronans body, holding him tight, the other one he shoved below Ronans head. He bent his knees and moved them towards Ronan as well, touching every inch og him he could, his arms crossed in front of Ronans chest and his head resting at his boyfriends neck. "I'll cuddle you the whole night and every singe one I'm here in Alster.", Caelan said, it would be better then, for now Caelan didn't want Ronan to accidentally hurt himself and before he moved his arm too much, they'd need to bandage it anew first, but Caelan doubted Ronan wanted him to let go just yet. Caelan pressed a soft kiss on Ronans neck, then buried his face there, closing his eyes. This felt nice, he had missed this and as Ronan uttered those three little words again, shivers ran through Caelans body, making it tingle all over. He hadn't noticed before, he had been too occupied but now he realized what that actually meant and hearing those words made his heartbeat rise. "I love you too.", he whispered. "I really do..." How had Ronan managed that anyway? How did he turn Caelans head so damn easily?

    • "Thank you, I appreciate that", Ronan mumbled as an answer. Had he always been this incredibly tired? It almost felt as if the time he spent without Caelan had no only been wasted time, it also had resulted in him feeling horrible - feeling like ass, to say the least. There hadn't been a single chance to get some sleep and now that he actually was getting some of it, he wondered if it was all just a mirage, a lie and his body had wanted this - that it couldn't be without the blonde any longer, the one that he had admired so much for so long. Now that Caelan was here, now that he was talking to him and holding him close, Ronan felt at ease - he felt as if he was being cherished, loved even and that was everything he needed, there was nothing more he had to concern himself with. "I'll be sure to get in touch with you the next time I need you", and it was a bummer that Caelan couldn't be here in a fingerwink. Even if Ronan would write a letter, could he even stave off the knot in his stomach, the desire for more than just a bit pain that would rise in his head until the blonde would finally make it to him? Once everything became the clusterfuck it was, there was no chance for him to escape or even think clearly - he was confined to the shackles that wouldn't budge.

      "I just wish I could cuddle with you some more", the noble said. And yes, that was everything he wanted - their days together were but numbered and the fact that Caelan had to leave him at some point, just to go back home and then reappear at some point, well, it made Ronan lose his marbles. He wanted nothing more than to be with him, nothing more than to be his one and only and currently, he got just that treatment - every spot of bare skin the blonde touched burned, in a good way, yet the dull pain still rung throughout his body and counteracted all of it somehow. "I'll take your word for it and if you don't, I'll come get you", he joked, already finding himself in higher spirits than before. They shouldn't dwell too long on one topic, but ... did they even have any other choice but talk about what was on their mind while they cuddled like they did right now? They could hardly move and Ronan wasn't keen on using those hands of his for many things right now, especially when he was waiting for the pain to dissipate. "It's nice to hear you say that and to know our feelings are mutual", Ronan mumbled, happy about all of this - happy to be reunited with the one he loved. For a moment, just now, he could afford to close his eyes, right? "Do you think ... we can take a nap?" They should lock the door for that, no?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I can be here in one day, after I received your letter that is.", Caelan smiled and it was true. If he departed right away, took his horse and was hurrying up, he could make it, one day straight without a break was enough if one knew the best route and had a horse that knew the terrain. Of course that wouldn't be possible in winter, but in the end their homes weren't that far from one another, it was basically just some pesky mountains between them and Caelan had climbed them more than once, they were nothing he couldn't defeat. The one bringing the damn letter would be more of a problem. Maybe they were able to train some birds to deliver their messages? I mountain wouldn't pose a problem then. "When you're patched up tonight, I'll cuddle you however you want me to and as long as possible.", Caelan tried to cheer Ronan up, this mood right now was kind of weird, though they both felt better already, it was far from Caelan usual cheerful self. He still was worried, because he could see Ronans pain, pain he inflicted himself as well. "Rest, I'll wake you up in about an hour, then we'll still have enough time to get ready for the first fights, how does that sound?", Caelan asked smiling. He wasn't one to sleep in the middle of the day, but he was fine just holding Ronan tight and keep the time in mind. They couldn't miss another tournament, though it would have been better for Ronan after all.

      And so he did, he let Ronan take his nap and closed his eyes as well, though he didn't fall asleep. The pain was maybe not that bad and not worse than before, but the hot knife had strained Ronans body, of that Caelan was sure. His body needed to adjust and try to heal up and aside from that Ronan didn't seem to have a moment of peace since Caelan was gone. The blonde almost felt bad for waking Ronan up in time, just like he promised and while the sleepyhead still got to his senses, Caelan already started to gather everything to patch Ronan up for good. The ointment was gently placed on his wrist, then followed the pad and the bandage to hold it in place. After that they were ready to go, weren't they? And so they ventured down outside to were the arena had been set up. Caelan dragged Ronan to a notice, listing all the competitors names and how they were paired up, forming a tree eventually that would be filled with the winners names until it reached the very top. Ronan and Caelan were far from each other, this was good, or bad, however it would go and however far they got. They had to advance until they finally could face each other, actually they had to both reach the finals. At least Caelan would go against Cameron if they both won their first fight. "Are you ready for this?", Caelan asked with a smile admits the crowd, people were slowly taking seats around the arena, some of which with something to eat or drink in their hands. "You can still test punch me!", he grinned, only to flinch as he felt a firm punch to his side. "Offer taken!", a familiar voice laughed and after that little friendly punch, Cameron wrapped his arm around Caelans shoulder, putting his weight on him. He leaned downwards and pressed Caelan with him while grinning at Ronan. "So are you dropping out this time around too? I had been looking forward to fight both of you last time and you disappointed me, you owe me, you know?" Cameron didn't mean it in a bad way and Caelan knew that, but he wasn't sure if Ronan was up for this kind of situation. "Shut up.", Caelan grinned, wrestling free of him to stand up straight and annoy him with being maybe one inch taller than him. "You'll be beaten soon enough, don't you worry."

    • Just one day sounded magical, but after all, once winter came back, they'd be stuck in place - Caelan because he couldn't leave that beloved Fhaergus of his and Ronan, because the cold made him shy away. Hibernating seemed like the more pleasant option but ... didn't they have plans for when winter came around, for Ronan to just stay in Fhaergus for three months because they'd missed the last chance to have him leave the country on time? He was too tired to think about all of that, instead he took note of what his boyfriend was saying and then just started to relax. Falling asleep never had been so easy, at least not without Caelan and it showed - showed how incredibly worn out and tired he'd been, how hard it had been for him to be without his lover and he was sure that, while he probably dealt better with it, Caelan also missed him, just like he did. Now, they were whole again, no longer forsaken and they could spend as much time together was they wanted, no matter what they'd try - it would all be in good faith. For that, Ronan wanted to be rested so the nap was something he'd actually anticipated, even if it was cut short by the fact that Caelan had said he'd wake him up in an hour and so he did - and he couldn't even be mad about it.

      Once he'd gotten up and made sure he was somewhat awake, Caelan helped him patch himself up before he'd waddled to his closet and got another shirt to wear, something similar to the first one anyway, and tossed that one aside. They both made their way to the dreaded makeshift arena and in all honesty, Ronan could have lived without ever joining one of these tournaments - he still felt groggy, almost sluggish, but Caelan was dragging him around, from one spot to the other. "I'll ... refrain from punching you in public", he answered instead, smiling back ever so faintly - the pain hadn't gone away all that much and he'd refused to wear gloves, instead, he pulled down the sleeves of his shirt some more, rubbing his eyes like that - it probably looked pretty childish. He should have counted on Cameron making an appearance, but for some reason, he really hadn't wanted to, so it only served to annoy him when their fellow noble showed his face and Ronan could do nothing more than let out a shortlived sigh, especially when he lowered himself to his height - at least it felt like he was. "I have no intention of dropping out of this tournament, thank you very much", he snarked back at Cameron, before Caelan could even afford to tell his friend to shut up. At least Caelans friend, or maybe his friends, were around - but Ronan couldn't say the same about Henry. Wasn't that sort of sad anyway?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan grinned, laughed even after hearing Ronan retaliating though he more looked and sounded like a child that was far past his bedtime. Cameron laughed as well, he wasn't offended, instead he took a look at the noticeboard to check who he was up against. "Forlic of Highwater... who the fuck?", he asked reading out loud the name of his opponent. Caelan just shrugged his shoulders, he wasn't any good in remembering nobles names or places for that matter. "I bet Ronan can help you with that, he's smart after all!", Caelan grinned and then put a hand on Ronans back to shove him away from the ground and to the arena. "Let's grab some seats first though.", he suggested and Cameron just nodded and followed him. Truth was, he probably didn't even care who that poor guy actually was. Instead he crossed his arms behind his head and followed Caelan as well.

      "Hey!", some voice yelled from one of the seats in the front row, it was Ethan, waving at them. Orlando wasn't there so he had to be loud for once, that was fun. Caelan waved back and dragged Ronan with him, he still wasn't awake, was he? Well he hopefully would wake up as soon as he saw Caelan fight, it was his turn first anyway. hadn't he watched him from afar? That must have been some occasions, the tournaments Caelan fought in... well he hoped he didn't make a fool out of himself, but actually he wasn't really scared about that. When they arrived by Ethan, Caelan sat Ronan next to him, then it was his seat and then Cameron, that sounded about right, Ronan seemed to get along with Ethan better. "Orlando is grabbing some snacks for us all... well four of us at least, but we can share.", Ethan explained also smiling at Ronan. He didn't want to leave him out and Caelan was sure he could leave Ronan at his side if he needed to fight. Orlando came soon enough, with snacks ans something to drink, he even brought some servant to drag all of what he wanted to them and soon everyone had something in their hands, though Caelan just gave his to Ronan and stuffed some sweets in his mounth, before he could decline. "So does anyone want to bet, unless on yourself of course? I'll make you special deals, before I'm going on my first tour to find some more people. I don't quite know where to put the odds for you though, Ronan of Alster. Well... people love underdogs, don't they?", Orlando laughed with his high pitched voice.

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    • Was it really this childish of him to just rub his eyes like that or was it about something else? Caelans laughter felt unwarranted, but after all, his best friend was here so maybe it was time to stop being so focused on the blonde the entire time and just give up on thinking he'd have him to himself anytime soon. While there wasn't anything important to do, except maybe enjoy the time they had together, the other things he could do - or had to do - were to endure all of the chaos that was about to ensue. Ronan prefered quiet place, far away from anything that could disturb his inner peace, but there was no Henry of Myriad around that he could share the silence with and make that life of his a little more bearable - only Caelan of Fhaergus, who - while he kept him afloat - also had other duties to attend and other people to take care of than himself. Ronan didn't mind, not much and just accepted it. "I could, but I don't feel generous enough to actually do", he said, almost begrudgingly - in reality, he didn't know who the hell that was, either. Why the hell should he care? He didn't like most people anyway and he'd have to come to terms with that.

      As Caelan shoved him into one direction, someones voice ringed in his ears and it was Ethan - at least there was someone pleasant among that bunch of thickheaded idiots. Actually, he'd like nothing more than to go back to his room and sleep some more, to cuddle with Caelan a bit more than he already had and enjoy his fellow nobles body heat, indulge in the better things this day had to offer, but instead, he found himself confronted with that silly little tournament that he'd promised to attend. Anxiety was already rising in him and wouldn't dissipate anytime soon, he knew as much. As for now, he was stuck in place, wasn't he? Once he'd been allowed to sit down, he wondered how long he could keep up that pompous act of his and when he'd break down into his components again - or what words were enough to grind his gears and make him mad or preferably even sad. "Caelan, I-", no, he was shut up by some sweets forced into his mouth and instead of spitting them out, chewed them while glaring at Caelan as if he'd committed a sin or something. "People are annoying, nosy and predictable, that's all. Someone who's always done what they think is right won't ever do anything else." Just like him, just like everyone - wasn't it like that. "They all think I'm sickly and fragile, I doubt anyone would bet on me, simply because they know I'll lose, which I won't."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Don't be like that!", Caelan laughed and ruffled through Ronans hair, ruining it a little bit. He knew he probably needed to get warm with Caelans friends yet again, though last time it kind of worked out, so this shouldn't be a problem. Also Caelan could hardly sit alone in a corner with Ronan, ignoring all his other friends and no matter where they sat down, there were people everywhere, watching the events unfold. After all this was the main act for this festivity, was it not? Even Caelans father probably sat here somewhere, as well as any others, also including Camerons ten siblings. Ronan actually could be glad they didn't stick around Cameron all too often as well, that would be loud and frankly utter chaos. For now Ronan only had to endure the presence of Caelans three friends, one of which Cameron. He could be too straight forward sometimes, but he didn't mean any harm, still Caelan knew he could be a little much for Ronan, but Cameron didn't seem all too interested in him anyway, unlike Ethan.

      For now they sat down, first row at that, they were a little bit early too so the seats were only starting to fill with people. "Don't look at my like that!", Caelan chuckled in Ronans direction and eventually put his feet on the railings in front of the front row, while he spread his arms on the back of Ronans and Camerons chair, he was making himself pretty comfortable so to say and at last he let his head fall back to take a look at Orlando, who stood there, looking at Ronan. Then he shifted his gaze back to Ronan, listening to his answer, only to chuckle. "People love contestants like you. They'd love to see someone like you beat the big ones off their thrones, this includes Cameron and me, we've won so many tournaments, people get bored with us." Orlando nodded. "That's true, a lot of people will bet on you and your odds are high, so if you loose, I win a lot!" Orlando laughed, not really thinking about what he was saying. "Don't be a dick.", Ethan commented calmly from the side, sitting sideways on his chair to follow the conversation. He looked at Ronan right after. "I'll take a bet on you." Ethans dark eyes rested on Ronan and he had a almost invisible smile on his face, Orlando almost gulped so loud that Caelan could here it. Usually he trusted Ethans opinion, but this time. "Hm! Finally a person to find your soft spot, huh? Alright, I'll take your bet, how much would you like to bet on him? How many wins?" Orlando took a small notebook out of his pocket to write everything down and hand Ethan a betslip afterwards. "I'll bet he makes it trough all his fights today."

    • "Don't be like what? Myself?", he huffed, refraining from puffing his cheeks in the process. Ronan of Alster was, soon, robbed of his perfectly combed hair that he'd tied up and now Caelan only needed a touch to ruin all of it. Incidentally, it felt almost as if he'd been hoping to do something like that, to cheer him a bit and make him loosen that grip on the ideology of him being nothing more than a sour, sad little man that had nothing to do but being like his father. In the end, wasn't it almost as if this had been what they were aiming for? Some time together, unseen amidst the crowd, talking and chatting away almost unbothered, together with those that understood them - or well, at least the blonde that actually was friends with them. He wondered if he could have it too, the myriad of friends and the sheer support that Caelan seemed to get, merely for his continued existence - and in the end, maybe that was, what had made Ronan a little bit sad because - after all - those weren't his friends and it felt so horrible to be here, in a way that Ronan couldn't quite describe to begin with. Right here, right now, he felt out of place and the only thing that would be capable of saving him was, quite frankly, someone that wasn't here.

      "You shoved candy into my mouth without even asking to get me to shut up, so I'm going to glare you to death", Ronan insisted, sighing soon thereafter and leaning back a bit to get more comfortable and get a better view at the culprit that was responsible for Caelan even having candy at the first place - Orlando. However, his attention was soon brought back to Caelan who spoke yet again. "People are stupid and singleminded, aren't they? They don't know who I am and everything they have to go off are rumors that someone spread forever ago", after all, there had been a few bewildering incidents of people telling his father that they were sorry about his eldest sons conditions, to which they both answered in absolute confusion - Ronan was alright, but people tended to like the thinly veiled support they could give to the less fortunate, even if they weren't. "My odds are high? I can talk all day but I'm not sure if I can hold my own with a sword, but then again, maybe I don't want you to win a lot", he joked. Even if Caelan tried to help him and partially save him from those friends of his, the black haired noble would deal with them himself at his own pace. Once Ethan opened his mouth however, his confidence seemed to fly right out of the window. "All of my fights? You're going to kill me."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Would it hurt to enjoy your time here a little bit?", Caelan asked with a somewhat help seeking smile. Ronan wasn't easy to be around with if they weren't alone, but Caelan actually didn't want to hide away with him now, his friends didn't stop being his friends, only because Ronan appeared in the blondes life. Cameron sighed and seemed like he didn't want to be part of this discussion anymore, but at least he left Caelan alone for now. It wasn't that he always needed his attention, but they only saw each other for one single day at the last event and now he was kind of disappointed that Caelan dragged this new guy around that wasn't at all like him as it seemed. Maybe it would have been different if Caelan brought along someone that was more like him or Cameron, that would soon be a part of their stupid stunts. In the end Caelan actually just wanted them to get along an while Ronan and Ethan probably worked well together, Cameron seemed to have already set his mind to not liking Ronan and Ronan didn't even try to make a good impression this time around. If he at least would have been only shy like the last time. Not everybody was able to see behind that facade and wanted to try to get to know the real Ronan.

      "I just wanted to safe us from a discussion about who's gonna have it.", Caelan grinned, refraining from poking Ronans side, he seemed pretty upset already. Cameron leaned back as well, said nothing at first and just listened to what was talked about, only to not shut up in the end. "Man, you're a drag. Aren't you the one talking shit about people you don't even know? You don't know who they are either, but that won't fit into a rich brats head.", he grumbled, as last to be heir of Stenz he wasn't really like Caelan or Ronan and being from Stenz alone made him different. He had to fight to survive, he had to find people he trusts himself, he even had to work for the wood of his ship on his own. Caelan was pretty sure that Cameron didn't include him in what he said and he wasn't quite sure what to say to make them get along, Cameron wasn't even wrong here. "Please...", Caelan just sighed, he didn't want a discussion about this at all. He had enough drama for this event already if he was completely honest. Ethan rather tried to avert the topic as it seemed, smiling at Ronan. "I won't lose and even if, I've got enough money on my hands.", he said, almost trying to cheer up Ronan and take some pressure off of his shoulders.

    • "I guess it won't", if only he could, that was. Ronan of Alster wasn't one for crowds and he, in the end, would find that nothing ever seemed to go his way to begin with - it was a damn shame that he couldn't seclude himself from all of this and it was even worse, now that he was sure he'd be trapped here with Caelan and those friends of his, those people he didn't even know all that much. Maybe he should have given the blonde the order of not waking him, of leaving him to his own devices once he'd tired of all of this, but in the end, there was nothing to make up for his mistakes and there was even less of a chance to come to terms with all the other things he had to think about in the first place. Right here, he was forced to sit still and watch things that he didn't even intend to enjoy, but he'd do it, simply because his boyfriend wanted him to be here for a little while longer and thus, he felt inclined to, felt like he had to be more than just the lazy person he tended to be and show off that he actually could do more than what was expected of him. Instead, the dull pain in his wrist rung throughout his body once more as he fidgetted with those hands of his - was he actually in pain?

      "Alright, fair", he answered and let the topic be - Caelan was right. They'd argue back and forth about who was going to get to eat some candy and in the end, all this would result in was the two of them being a mess, nothing more than that, stuck in place and arguing back and forth until one of them had said something wrong. Why was he even sitting here? Well, maybe just for the enjoyment of the blonde and his friends. "People talk shit about me, I talk shit about them - it's only fair that way, or am I wrong?", he threw back at Cameron. If he wanted to have this discussion, he could - Ronan was too pissed off to begin with to even consider having a civil conversation, but in the end he only sighed. Maybe he was right, maybe he was nothing more than a rich brat with second grade problems that nobody would ever concern themselves with if they were of non-noble standing, but ... that was futile. "Alright, I won't pick a fight with Cameron if you don't want me to." He'd shut up now, wouldn't he? After all, he'd been asked to and he didn't want to add more fuel to a fire that wouldn't even burn that well. Even with Ethans attempt to cheer him, it didn't quite work - Ronan still couldn't muster a smile, but he knew he was too tense for that and yet he could only fidget with those hands of his and try not to bend them. "I can't stop you from betting on me anyway, can I?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Ronan said that, but Caelan wasn't happy. He had sighed loudly if he didn't think it would annoy or upset Ronan even more, instead he just shut his mouth as well and watched the situation slip out of his hands. Cameron obviously didn't like Ronan and Ronan... liked nobody and was rude to say the least. Caelan had dug through that, but he couldn't really force others to do the same as well as he couldn't just tell everyone he'd go with Ronan to sit somewhere else, how would he explain that? For them Ronan was just a guy Caelan had met and for some reason wanted to be friends with, nothing more and it had to stay that way. Maybe Caelan was oversensitive right now, but his day already turned pretty shitty pretty fast and that didn't seem to stop. All he could do was sit here and make Ronan and Cameron alike unhappy, because they didn't want to deal with each other and that dragged all others down as well as it seemed, or was this just Caelans imagination?

      Cameron clearly had some more to say, but he looked at Caelan briefly, then clicked his tongue and stood up. "I'm gonna take a piss.", he grumbled, put his hands in his pants and wandered off, while Caelan was still sitting up properly. "Wait...!", he said, but Cameron didn't even turn around, he just vanished into the crowd once he left the stand. Again Caelan swallowed a deep sigh, instead he stood up as well, the rows were almost full already. "I guess I'm gonna prepare for my fight then.", he simply said and wandered off as well, he'd be back to his seat soon enough, for now he went to a small hut on the border of the arena which housed the referee and some other staff. After reporting his attendance, he just waited there, back against the wood and his sword already in his hand to randomly turn it in his hand a little bit. His head bumped against the wood behind him, this day was fucking exhausting...

      Orlando watched both Cameron and Caelan leave, then he sighed and handed Ethan his betslip with the stake and the agreed odds on it. Ethan paid his stake and took it. "Okay, I'm gonna leave too, I have some business to attend to and some money to make!", Orlando announced with a slight grin, he was going to rid all of the spectators of their money, at least that was his plan, and so he struggled to get through the crowd as well, taking bets wherever he could. Ethan looked after him, then finally could sit in his seat like a normal person again, he briefly smiled at Ronan, before he opened up a book he had brought, to pass the time until Caelans fight would begin.

    • He'd fucked that one up, hadn't he? Ronan couldn't help himself and had felt like he needed to argue back and forth, only resulting in not only driving Cameron away but also making Caelan leave prematurely - and it felt bad. Of course, Orlando probably hadn't planned to stay for long to begin with, but it also felt like it had been his fault that he left already. Now, what would he do? Ethan didn't seem to mind being here and enjoying that book of his, but Ronan hadn't even brought that because he hadn't thought about it - he was waking up, or had woken up, what felt like mere minutes ago and his entire body was still trying to get on top of the task. For some reason, there wasn't any solace to be found in the things he currently did and even less of it was stored in his stupid assumptions that he made as to why everyone had left him behind - and it was goddamn awful, to say the list. Snarking less at Cameron would be doable and so was letting Caelan enjoy the presence of his friends - he could just exclude himself the next time and let those four be like they'd always been, that felt about right.

      His gaze fell onto the arena, filling with people that wanted to see all of this and he wondered how this would go, if he could even compete with those he was supposed to fight or if his wrist would fail him in the first fight, if he'd disappoint Ethan after all or if it was impossible to do. Right now, right here, he had no one but Ethan - well, up until now, when his gaze fell upon his father who, by all means, wasn't a small man. He stood taller than Caelan and Cameron, was a tad bit on the burlier side and had the same auburn eyes as him and his mother - but unlike his mothers gaze, it felt like this one was capable of piercing him like a thousand spears, capable of eroding his very existence within the blink of an eye and Ronan wondered why that was and why he had to deal with such things, but all of it were more questions than answers to begin with. Whatever he was blabbering about, Ronan wasn't paying much attention, even if the gaze - that felt like it rested upon him - made him tense up and unable to move for just a second. Something, something about being happy that everyone was here, which was a goddamn lie and something something that the tournament would be starting, but before his old man even had the chance to leave his stage, Ronan focused on Ethan for a second. "Is that book any good?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan moved his hand to the side and watched Ronans father entered the stage. For a second he asked himself if he should have stayed it his boyfriends side for just this moment, just to be next to him while his father was there, talking to all his guests about the upcoming tournament and how great it would be. Did he look at Ronan? Man that guy was tall... Caelan had never noticed, actually he hadn't had any interest whatsoever in this man up until now. He was hurting Ronen, wasn't he? And it was enough for him to just stand there to achieve it probably. Caelan looked into the crowd, searching for Ronan who had turned to Ethan, who still was next to him, reading a damn book... well that was typical him after all. His gaze moved around a little more and he spotted his own father, standing next to reiling of the row which was only there for the host and his wife. His ather talked to a woman, that must have been Ronans mother, and either she nor Allard paid any attention to Darragh of Alster whatsoever, as well as Ronan who rather talked as it seemed, which was odd enough.

      Ethan listened with one ear but turned to Ronan right away as he was asked something. He smiled and looked at his book, closed it and just opened the last page to show Ronan a summary. "Oh, it's actually just a history book.", he explained. "It's about some wars that happened in the past, not that I need to learn about any tactics in that regard, but it also helps with my game of chess somehow. You can borrow it if you want." Ethan didn't pay much attention to Ronans father as well, he only looked up when the tall man left the stage and in his place a tender man came forth, reading out Caelans and his opponents name. "Ah, it's starting.", he smiled. "I'm usually not interested in this kind of stuff very much, but let's at least watch our friends, hm?" Right when he finished his sentence Cameron came back too, but all he did was sitting down. Caelan walked out, he had brushed aside what he had thought about and just hoped it would be better when he came back to take his seat next to his boyfriend. For now he just smiled in his direction, waving to all of them, before the grib around his sword grew tighter and he waited for the fight to start. "That'll be a breeze...", Cameron commented, mumbling and crossing his arms and legs. He looked like he'd close his eyes any second, but he didn't have to watch that fight to know how it would end. This was the first round and Caelans opponent some rookie he had never seen before. Ethan hummed in approval and nodded. "Though he doesn't seem as focused as usual." "That'll break his neck against me, maybe he's nervous and that's also why he skipped the last tournament.", Cameron huffed, but he didn't really mean it, Ethan knew and he laughed a little bit. "You're overconfident, that'll break your neck."

      The fight didn't take long after all, Caelans opponent landed on his ass pretty soon, having his sword up to his face while Caelan was declared the winner. As soon as that happened he put his sword away and instead offered his hand to the guy on the ground, helping him back on his feet. "Good fight.", he laughed, not in a way of making fun of him, or pitying him, he meant it and it came across. His opponent smiled, nodded and shook his hand, then they both went their ways and the next pair was announced. Caelan pretty soon came back to their seats. He felt better now, an honest fight always did that to him and he grinned from ear to ear as he approached his friends again. He had wanted a kiss for being a good boy, but that had to wait, instead he just let himself fall on his seat between Cameron and Ronan. "That was fun!", he announced and turned to Ronan. "Did I look good?", he asked sheepishly, he knew he could afford making jokes like that, after all that was just like him.

    • As long as he didn't have to face Darragh, it all would be alright - he'd be fine, free of pain. Maybe he was imagining things and his old man wasn't actually seeking him out, wasn't aware of where he was and most likely just searched for any spot in the crowd that was worth eyeing, but something told him that it was different - that it wasn't like he hoped it would be. He yearned for Caelan to be here, to ward his father off and to protect him, but he knew as well as the blonde that he couldn't - Ronan knew that it was futile to even try and in the end, he'd regret what he'd wished for because Darragh would spot them together, would see that they'd made fast friends of one another and get so incredibly mad at him, he already counted on that arm of his being broken sooner than later. Which one would be preferable? Probably the one Caelan had cauterized, at least it would leave him with one actually usable arm. "No need to, I'm just surprised you can concentrate on reading in this noisy crowd", he answered and then figured that neither Henry nor him were any better. While they did seek out more secluded spots, that didn't mean they weren't any more silent. "You're right, we should", and for once, he envied someone else like Ethan, who hadn't signed up for the tournament.

      As Cameron reappeared, Ronan refrained from making any stupid comments and instead just listened - and while the little jab that those two were taking at each other was fun, he refrained from laughing at it and instead just waited. For what, well, he didn't know but what he knew was that he did enjoy all of this but didn't want to worm himself into a place where he, well, had none and where he felt like he'd been somewhat forcibly put into, just because Caelan had felt like it was a good idea. Instead, he sat there and watched, watched all of them for a good while and just admired his boyfriend from afar - the blonde was going to kill him, absolutely. Unless he dodged those moves, he'd be deadmeat and considering he said that Cameron hit about as hard, he was double dead. But for now, he had time to observe those future opponents of his and not concern himself with whether or not they'd eventually get to beat him, he just wanted to see the fight unfold - and as it did, it felt kind of reassuring - Caelan was going to kill him, especially if they fought one another sometime soon. After that, it also didn't take long for him to reappear, seat himself between Cameron and himself and be as cheeky as he could, now that someone else was busy fighting. "You ... uhm. Yes? I mean ... you did a good job?", what the hell was this? Why was he so unsure all of a sudden!? And even worse, he really wanted to pat Caelan and call him a good puppy, but he restrained himself. He absolutely had to. "You're ... better off asking some girls."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.