sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

    • To love each other was wrong but they weren't as far yet probably and still there was little more that would mean the same punishment as for what they were doing. Killing another noble maybe, but even there one could talk himself out of it, killing the king or the prince was the next best thing. Those were violent acts and yet just indulging in a mans touch like that was to be punished the same way, why was that and did both of them even care? Ronan seemed content with who he was in that regard and Caelan was too upon noticing that no woman would ever make him feel this good. As long as they fulfilled their duties, as long as they married and got an heir, why would no one allow what they were doing, what could be so wrong about it, that no one even dared speaking about it? A death sentence wasn't enough to scare Caelan away from Ronan, he wanted this, he liked being in control like that and have Ronan heed his word while grunting with no way out. He liked the look on Ronans face, he liked to use some strength to get him to do what he had done anyway, in the end he wasn't forcing Ronan to do anything, this was just a game they played and soon enough they'd switch their roles yet again. Caelan wouldn't mind being on the other end of this probably, well he'd have to let Ronan try if he wanted to.

      Ronan at first didn't seem to want to give Caelan what he desired, instead he just bobbed his head up and down without doing much else. Caelan wondered if he wasn't faced by what Caelan said, or if he just ignored him, that would be boring as hell though. At least he saw Ronan flinch when he told him what he planned for him, a grunt that should mean he wasn't content with it was all there was, but that hardly was a no, was it? Was this enough to have Ronan do as he should? Caelan could see from his position that the nobles cheeks had turned more red, while he was softly forced to take in more. When the blonde felt Ronans teeth he flinched for a second, not that he was scared Ronan bit his dick off, but it surprised him and he knitted his brows puzzled and slightly disapproving. He still let Ronan move has head upwards, the grip was strong and he maintained a certain pressure, but he let him continue. A sudden moan fell from his lips when Ronan moved down again, more so than before, taking all of what Caelan had to offer in in one slow motion. "Better...", he sighed having lost some of his composure along the way. His hole body felt hot all of a sudden, his hand had dug into Ronans hair even more without him noticing, while he had him stay all the way down were he was until he realized he should let him move upwards again if he wanted this to continue. The rhythm Ronan chose was steady but awfully slow, everytime he moved his head downwards Caelan had to bite his lower lip to not give Ronan the pleasure of hearing how Caelan enjoyed suffering like that. His body grew warmer and a numb feeling was starting to emerge from his fingertips and toes, but everytime Ronan let those damn teeth of his brush over the blondes skin, some of the rising pleasure was taken away, moving him further from the release he longed for. It felt awful and good at the same time, but after all this he couldn't let Ronan do whatever he wanted. Ronan basically asked for Caelan to be rough, right? He had asked for more than just a hand on the back of his head before, right? As Ronan moved down with that awfully slow pace again, Caelan put more pressure on his head, forcing him all the way down until he could even feel Ronans nose on his skin. He forced him to stay in this position for a while, with no chance to swallow the saliva produced in his mouth and having it drip on Caelans lower stomach, maybe he even was gagging and air was a luxury too Caelan wasn't ready to gift to him yet. "The longer this takes... the more you'll have problems speaking tomorrow.", he let out, his breath not completely under control and his body shaking and twitching, wanting more of all this, wanting to lean even more into this feeling though there wasn't even room left. He felt Ronans breath brush against his body, then let go of him, or rather let him move up just a little bit, then forcing his lips away from him and his eyes upon Caelan. Ronan had been so composed before until Caelan just bluntly looked at him and though his own cheeks were red, his breath ragged and his mouth was producing more saliva than usual like a hungry dogs presented with a bowl of food, he let his blue eyes pierce into Ronans. His hand kept his head in place and would pluck on the long dark hair if he tried to look somewhere else. "Tell me you desire every last drop and make me believe you, my poor little slave and I might be willing to give you just that.", he demanded, his voice as authoritarian as possible. Caelan refrained from adding a threat, he refrained from telling him something like they'd be here the whole day otherwise, he was feeling generous and like giving Ronan a way out like this, without punishing him further. In the end, he probably would just take what he desired if Ronan didn't want to comply.

    • Was this all he was going to get out of Caelan until the tides turned again? Just a few empty threads and then he'd be off, scotfree at that, able to do whatever he wanted to the blonde, just because he couldn't bring himself to be a little meaner than he already was? That was a shame, really, because in the end, that would mean that Caelan never had any idea what situation he'd been in and, in turn, gave Ronan full reign of this thing as a whole. Truth be told, it was a nice escape and though he wanted to be the stronger one of the two, as it stood, Caelan had an ace up his sleeve that he hadn't been aware of so far - that was, in fact, kind of boring, was it not? Albeit he wanted to sigh, there was no room for it, only for a small grunt that could mean a variety of things and he left it at that, knowing fully well that it was ridiculous enough to assume that he - of all people - would be forced to obey someone like the blonde and yet he did it out of his own free will, being the puppy that he'd branded the other as. How ... unbecoming, wasn't it? If anyone could see them and their little game that they were playing, would they be appaled by the fact that Ronan - of all people - was the one making Caelan moan, or would they be turned off by the fact that it was two men indulging in themselves already? Oh, what did he know - the only thing that mattered was having Caelan come undone under his touch, after some torture.

      What he didn't expect was the grip in his hair getting tighter and being forced down like that, having to remain composed and not actually choke against Caelans skin, barely able to breathe through his nose like that and spreading his spit everywhere, as it slowly dribbled from his mouth, partially down his chin and being smeared over the blonde, too. Ronan couldn't explain the feeling, the tight knot of anticipation that had formed in his stomach and the helpless feeling he was experiencing, as Caelans grip didn't budge when some tears rose into his eyes and he tried to escape his predicament - he was nothing more than a toy right now, that ... felt awful and yet good. Maybe he should stop teasing his boyfriend, how about that? The threat that came from Caelans lips made the situation even worse, he wanted to chuckle really bad and yet he couldn't, was forced to acknowledge all that for now and then, maybe Caelan would let go, no? Another sudden jank in his hair, as soon as he'd been allowed to retreat just a little bit, made him choke on the air he now was allowed to breathe and resulted in him coughing, first and foremost, before he smeared some of his own saliva on his lower arm, rubbing the tears out of his face as well. His eyes met those of Caelan soon enough and there it was, the shiver running down his spine and the goosebumps, rising all over his body, as his hair was standing on end. "First you ... force me to ... obey you and threaten ... me ... and now you ... want me ... to beg? Silly master", he almost laughed, still trying to catch his breath, before he came closer again, put his hands on Caelans chest and moved closer, ever closer, grinning like he himself had an ace up his sleeve. "Master ... this humble slave of yours ... would like nothing more than to ... grant you the release you're ... searching for. So please, for the love of ... whatever is holy ... let me do what I want ...", he laughed, before he pressed those lips of his on Caelans. Ronan of Alster was, in fact, a tease and also giving Caelan a taste of his own medicine - or himself, quite literally at that.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Whatever they did feel endless, if they kept up this pace, they'd stay in bed until the sun set, but that wasn't a bad thing. How long did they torture each other already and how long would it last until one of them gave in? No one wanted to give way and if Caelan was in Ronans position, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stay as strong as him and just keep fighting against his boyfriends grip. In some way he thought he would probably want to please Ronan either way, like the good puppy he was, what he did here he partly also did and allowed himself, because he felt that Ronan liked it too. If Ronan was in Caelans position Caelan had begged or fought back, but in the end just had done what he thought pleased Ronan. There was no more help for him, was there? Ronan already owned him and could tell him what to do at any given point in time. He got that power in only a few days, what would he be able to if they knew each other for a longer period of time? Should Caelan be scared of that? Probably.

      It was a sight to behold, Ronan wiping away some tears and saliva, looking at him with those wet eyes but trying to be strong and all. Gasping for air, coughing because he was too eager and even when he started talking he panted which made him look not very convincing. Was he shaking? Caelan almost was worried he had been too rough, but Ronans words didn't support that theory at all, he still wanted to play. "You are my slave, aren't you supposed to heed my word?", Caelan asked, still pulling on Ronans hair, even more so now that he gave such an cocky answer, but let him do as he pleased, but not making it easy or painless for him. He even let him kiss Caelan, leaning into it himself, forcing Ronans head to stay in place while giving him a messy kiss. As sudden as the kiss has started as sudden was Ronan pulled away again by Caelans hand. "I'm not sure if I can trust you anymore, after all that teasing and struggling, after not listening to any order I give.", he said calmly, looking at Ronan with his piercing eyes. "Now you've even pressed those filthy lips against mine, but I granted you that wish. For anything more I will have you beg... Your laughter doesn't make your words very convincing by the way." He was curious what Ronan had planned, so he slowly let go of his hair, at the same time he wasn't sure if he should allow anything, simple release wasn't what he was after anymore. "I want you to desire that bitter liquid in your mouth, down your throat and in your stomach to carry it around inside of you for the rest of the day." And if Ronan just played an act, it was fine.

    • A game was a game and well, it was waiting to be played. If that meant two utter idiots who had no ideas what boundaries were for, except to be pushed, would go above and beyond to annoy each other, than that also qualified as a game, sort of. Wasn't that just what they'd wanted, anyway? Seeing one another exasperated and hungry for more, yet unwilling to give and only making amends that, if one were to beg, they'd eventually get what they wanted. It was as easy as that and yet, it felt as hard as that to do something so simple - but were they really enjoying this, enjoying one another or was this just some stupid farce they were putting on? His puppy hadn't complained, so Ronan saw no reason to stop and Caelan, most likely, wasn't willing to stop either. What was fine, what wasn't? They'd figure that out along the way, but right now, Ronan wanted nothing more than to finish this up, after he was done playing - and by after, he meant ruining Caelan a bit and winning their silly little game, even if he had no idea how he'd do that. Maybe just ... try? Or were there buttons he'd to find, push and then decide on his own that they were the right ones, the ones that would get some gears grinding and finally giving both of them what they were looking for? He wasn't sure, but for what it was worth, simply trying wouldn't hurt, not a single bit.

      "Oh, am I? I'm terribly sorry if I've offended my master, but ... you see. I used to be a simple servant a few minutes ago", he mused, much more composed by now and happy that he was just that. Slowly but surely, he was calming down, despite feeling the others lips faintly on his and despite having a hand in his hair, pulling on it, as hard as it could. Ronan wasn't sure what he enjoyed more - the stinging pain, the more he pulled in a different direction, or being able to grin at Caelan like he was having the time of his life. "Did you ever trust me to begin with, master?", he asked, cocky as he was - maybe he shouldn't talk back like this, but in the end, they both were nobles, taking a jab at one another and trying out new things that felt stupid enough to be fun. "I wasn't trying to convince you. And as for those lips of mine, they were wrapped around your cock mere seconds ago and you call them filthy ... wouldn't that mean you'd compare yourself to filth?" Right here, right now, he was supposed to act like he was being submissive, nothing without the blondes guidance, but instead, he wanted to see him do worse - wanted him to do more than just act all high and mighty. The hand loosening its grip and disappearing felt disappointing, but it was fine, now he was free to do whatever he wanted, which also meant that he could get closer to Caelan again, letting those arms of his dangle off of the others shoulders and pressing their foreheads together. "And what if I say no? What are you gonna do then, master?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "A servant is supposed to heed his masters word as well.", Caelan answered and felt like if he just gave Ronan a rough treatment he just would enjoy it and win after all, wouldn't he? Caelan didn't want a false win, having Ronan forced to finish what he started, he wanted him to want it and beg for it, much like he did in their drunken night together in Lavern. Maybe he didn't plan on swallowing back then, but that was a little extra Caelan gave him and he didn't complain afterwards. Now he was just testing his borders, trying to make Caelan angry if only a little bit, trying to have those big hands around his neck or his dick down his throat until he almost choked on it. That smile, those words, everything told Caelan that and though he seemed like that, he wasn't stupid, not at all. He could win their game inside that act they were playing, or he'd win for real, which was his goal. "I don't trust you Ronan. We had a deal and you're not fulfilling your end of the bargain as much as you promised me so many things I didn't receive up until now.", he sighed and said that almost sounding like he gave up on him for real now.

      "If you're trying to anger me, you do a bad job.", another sigh slipped from Caelans lips while he did not mind putting his hands back on Ronan, not on his back or into his hair, he just let his arms lie down on the bed, stretched out. He changed his plan, his game and he didn't want to play by Ronans rules anymore, there was only one way to show a man breaking his word over and over again where his damn place was and it was not by giving him the rough treatment he was longing for. If Ronan had played nice, maybe Caelan would have played along, he would eventually but in the end maybe Ronan did anger him for real just a little bit. "What I'm gonna do? Well I guess I'll do it myself or just find another slave that actually is good at his job. Playing around like that just let me loose my interest in you." With that Caelan forced Ronan off of him, just pushing him to the side onto the bed. As much as he could have pinned him down to do whatever he wanted as much he could just push him off and free himself of Ronans grasp, which he already did. "Maybe I'm interested again if you are a good slave.", he said with a slight yawn afterwards, moving his legs out of bed and finally standing up, stretching for a second. He had lived without feeling any touch like this for seventeen years and he already had his fair share just minutes ago, so it wasn't even that hard to stand up like that and feign being unintersted. Actually after not being touched anymore at all, he kind of was anyway.

    • "That ... well, you are actually right about that", he sighed. Wasn't this going where he wanted it? Teasing Caelan was fun, but cherrypicking his own facts was only fun if they went unnoticed, as opposed to what was happening right now. How boring it was to be found out, to be handled like this and then being told that he was doing a bad job - should he laugh about it, or just do what he was being told? Whatever the outcome was, did it really matter? In the end, they both were struggling with one another and the thing was, as much as Ronan wanted to be treated roughly by his boyfriend, he had fucked that one up for real now. Did he push him too far, too fast or was Caelan just horrible at dealing with being teased to hell and back? Did he have something else in mind or was he actually more mad than anticipated? "Are you mad because you're losing or do you really think I wouldn't give you what you wanted? What happened to our little game?", he asked, almost a bit frustrated but keeping in mind to maybe not do it like this the next time. Caelan didn't seem to be one for jokes then, even though it felt more in line with the things he usually did, didn't it? How boring it was to be treated like this and how stupid it was to wind up in this situation, of all places.

      "I think I did a pretty good job at pissing you off but a horrible job at giving you what you wanted", Ronan, likewise, sighed and just accepted this silent punishment he was receiving instead, even though he felt like hitting Caelan with a pillow instead, just to get rid of the sudden surge of tense mood that was brewing between them. And yet, he couldn't help himself but just annoy Caelan further, because it was - somehow - too funny that the blonde got pissed over such trivial things. "Good luck finding another slave out here that is willing to do your bidding - you'd have better luck going for your hand, I'm sure that won't disappoint." Were they fighting for real now, or was this still this silly little game of theres that neither was going to win if they kept playing it like that? Well, the hand that pushed him off of Caelan spoke more than words could have done and Ronan sighed instead, laying where he'd been shoved to and staring at the blonde instead, observing what he was going to do next. "And how are you going to reprimand me? Starve yourself of my touch and leave me here? I wouldn't call that effective, master", he mused and as the blonde had gotten up, he grabbed one of the pillows and chucked it in Caelans direction, only to hit his side. Then, he chuckled - no hard feelings, right?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Well a master who's servant and slave isn't doing what he's supposed to do is nothing in the end and I'm not going to play a game only by your rules alone, you know? If you want me to let you choke until your head turns blue, just ask me like the dirty slave you still are. In a game of dominance I won't give you what you want, even if you'd deserve a slap on your ass at least.", Caelan answered, letting one finger brush over Ronans chin as if he was a child that just learned a lesson. Ronan seemed upset, this was clearly not what he wanted but giving Caelan a role and then not letting him play it was his fault alone, either by not giving his master what he asked for, or by thinking a master wouldn't just ditch his slave if a punishment would just please him. A punishment Ronan would like wouldn't be one, right? He had given in so much already after a simple little deal they made, what would Ronan puss out off next? The dress he ought to wear? Caelan made sure to have him something tailored, but he couldn't exactly force him into it. "For someone saying he never tells lies you lie an awful lot.", Caelan pointed out.

      Caelan wasn't sure if Ronan took this way too serious now, in the end, if he just begged like Caelan wanted him from the start, he'd tag along, but if he rather contemplated in his own grief over a broken situation, well that was his right also. "Right it won't, unlike you.", he bluntly answered being told his hand would not disappoint, laughing though, he didn't mean it that serious, just a little bit. If Ronan wanted to be a dick, Caelan could be one too and after giving him soo much room for decisions of his own, one little favor was not too much to ask for, was it? "First and foremost I won't let you out of any compromising position anymore, since a deal was broken by you and since a punishment in form of me using my strength would just please you, I'll refrain from that. I'm pretty much satisfied from before, so now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to wash myself, get dressed and then will take a walk." The pillow hitting his side obviously didn't hurt, he grabbed it, pulled it out of Ronans hands and smiled at him. "If you want to be dominated by me, let me.", he smiled, then threw the pillow at Ronans face with no power in his throw whatsoever. Afterwards he already searched for a rag of some sorts to clean himself with, cold water would do just fine for him as well.

    • "Fine, then. Next time I'll be obedient and ask you, just like you want me to", he sneered, knowing fully well that that meant he'd have to bury that artificial ego of his and actually submit to the blonde. Did he want that? He wouldn't mind being choked until he couldn't breathe, and he wouldn't mind being just a plaything, so ... what was stopping him from submitting to Caelan like this? Was it, that he still felt like he'd have to win or something else entirely? Naturally, the answer was yes, yes he was too stubborn and prideful to just give up, but in the end, it might be because he'd been drunk on power before and because he thought that the blonde wouldn't stop him, but right here, right now, that master of his was somewhat right - he'd overdone it and yet, he was unable to dish out a suitable punishment, whyever that was. Boring, but also deserved, there wasn't anything else to it. The noble sighed again and lay there, in the end he was letting Caelan do what he want, even though not in the way that either of them had seemed to want. "If only you knew, but at least I can be convincing when I lie. But sorry for fooling you." There was nothing to make up for, at least nothing fixable and instead, Ronan was just busy drowning in his own hate and in the sudden realization that Caelan might as well hate him, despite the claim alone being bogus.

      "Sorry for being a disappointment, mylord", he mumbled, already over the fact that they were merely acting and playing. Was he the one that was pissed off because Caelan wasn't going to keep playing with him, or was that just his imagination? Overthinking was, after all, one of his qualities, alongside his myriad of insecurities, but he'd brought this upon himself - he should change those damn sheets and appreciate the alone time he'd get, at least he'd find time to do ... things, whatever those were. "Then you might as well do whatever you want with me, I'd like to see you try. As for the other stuff, hush - just don't do anything reckless when you're taking a walk, alright? I'm not going to look for you when you get buried by some snow." That meant he'd be alone in this hut for a while, depending on how long Caelan wanted to take that walk of his - which meant, there was plenty of time to do his own bidding, wash some stuff - next to his own body -, maybe read something and while he was doing it, he could try to figure out how he'd make it up to the blonde, although he didn't feel like doing anything, actually. "Fine, you're free to do whatever you want to me - and I'll beg, like the whore you want me to be." Almost as if he'd given up, he now lay there with the pillow on his face instead, not moving all that much. What now?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "You know I'm fine with fulfilling your wishes right? But we had a deal and you placed that role on me, so I did the only thing that would actually be a punishment for you.", Caelan smiled, now Ronan seemed the one who was mad, or at least too stubborn to accept this outcome. Did Caelan win now? He wasn't sure, but at least he got no snarky answers from his fellow noble anymore. He wondered if this would eventually come back to him, when Ronan really tied him up for example, or if Ronan was just mad and or sad in the end, that wasn't what Caelan was aiming for. "You're stubborn, this game wouldn't have ended in my favor, I begged enough for one day.", he concluded, maybe the best course of action was to not let start Ronan such games in the first place and stop with those deals they made all the time. Caelan was keen on upholding all of them, but maybe that wasn't going to work.

      "If you want to change that you know what to do!", Caelan chuckled, after all his plan wasn't to just leave now, he wanted Ronan to beg in the end after all, this game hadn't been exactly over for Caelan, he just changed the rules a little bit. Ronan didn't seem to get that though and instead of fighting back or complying he took the route of self-doubt and regret as it seemed. "Whatever I want? Another false claim?", he asked with a smile, well he wasn't sure if he was feeling like another round right now, he was missing Ronans touch for a while now, that kind of took away from his motivation. "You can join me on that walk, you know? It just drives me insane to stay inside for a whole day, maybe we should also open the windows a little bit.", he proposed, he didn't want to be alone, he just wanted to be outside for a few minutes. If he was alone he'd probably explore a little bit, if Ronan joined, he'd go back with him whenever he wanted, but for now he sat back down on the bed, next to Ronans stretched out feet, while the noble didn't want to take the pillow off his face as it seemed. "So what's stopping you?", Caelan asked smiling, grabbing one of Ronans feet. He started to massage it, he just felt like it, maybe he even was apologizing like that. "Caelan the puppy will do whatever you want, Caelan the master will want you to do as you are told... a little struggling is fine though..."

    • "That's mean but well deserved", he sighed, as he stayed where he was an mainly wondered why or how he'd get this whole awkward situation over with, or at least avoid having to move one more muscle. In his eyes, the situation wasn't exactly salvagable and yet, Caelan didn't move and didn't do what he'd said he would, at leaste he didn't hear any further movements towards the door and the floorboards weren't creaking either. What was he up to? Something stupid? Maybe, but in the end, Ronan could only guess what it was that the blonde had in mind and instead, he was forced to stay where he was and do what he was told, simply for the sake of upholding that arrogance and pride of his. "Not in your favor? Wasn't your entire goal to have me beg for it?", he asked, against the pillow that was still laying flat against his face and for once, Ronan was glad it did and was glad that it muffled the words he said - he didn't feel like looking at anything or anyone right now. Wasn't it frustrating to stop right then, right there and then be unsatisified with what he'd gotten,which - in the end - turned out to be nothing much for either of them? Ronan was actually sorry, but moreso because he'd overdone it instead and wanted nothing more to sink into the bed and not crawl out of it anymore. Was he ashamed? Most likely.

      "Would you be able to forgive this humble servant of yours, then?", he asked, sighing - was Caelan still not giving up on their little game or was he actually pulling on his leg and making fun of him? Who the hell knew, but it wouldn't hurt to go along with it, even if he didn't necessarily feel like it right now. Truth be told, there wasn't much to do anyway, but in the end, what he did was fine as long as he made attempts to reconcile, wasn't it? "The truth - you can do whatever you want with me, whether it's breaking my arm or sleeping with me, feel free to." Was he in the best of moods? Gods, no. But Caelan should feel free to help himself to one or the other, not that he would care, but in the end, would he even dare to break that arm of his? Most likely not, it felt ... almost surreal to even suggest something like that and yet he did, simply because he didn't know what else to do. "You can go take that walk yourself, I really don't feel like going anywhere." He wasn't used to going out, either - the event in Lavern pretty much had drained him of all his strength to uphold social interactions for a while and Caelan was merely straining it, though, it didn't feel bad to interact with him, as opposed to the other nobles. "You want me to beg, right here, right now? Didn't you wanna go for a walk?" The unexpected touch on his foot made him flinch and then writhe - that ... didn't feel good. Not because Caelan was doing a miserable job, rather because Ronan disliked pain. "Please ... don't", he said instead, unwilling to actually pull back and maybe hurt the blonde in the process. "Fine, no more violent struggling."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "That and actually have you finish what you started, but I figured you wouldn't give me that unless I forced you, which I don't feel like, after all that would invalidate the whole begging part, wouldn't it?", Caelan asked chuckling, Ronan wasn't getting this at all, did he? "I wanted you to want all that, just like the first time you did it, you know? I know you like it rough, I figured as much, but I don't actually want to hurt you, or do anything you don't like and I don't know you enough to figure out when I'm going too far, you know? We haven't talked about a stop-sign either up until now. If I forced you now, how would I have known if it started hurting, especially if you can't speak in that moment. Also in the end you would have just gotten what you wanted. How about we agree on us stopping with that competition and make each other happy instead?", Caelan explained and proposed, probably talking too much again, that seemed like a habit of his. Ronan didn't need to be depressed now, Caelan wasn't angry at him, he just had felt the situation wouldn't have gone in a suitable direction for both of them. He first needed to figure out who Ronan actually was and the same was true the other way around. However he noticed once again that upsetting Ronan was pretty easy.

      "Of course I'll forgive you.", Caelan smiled, stopping for real now. He didn't expect Ronan crawling after him anymore, begging to make it right, begging to finish what he started, that plan seemed to have backfired after all. Caelan didn't want to fight with Ronan. "Ronan I don't want to do whatever I want with you and I definitely don't want to hurt you, don't be silly. All I want is to do to you what you like me to do and if that's playing your master for a change, I'll do just that, but let's talk borders first. Don't offer yourself up to me like that though, there is no need to." Caelan kept smiling and wondered if some fresh air would be good for Ronan too, he didn't want to force him though, they could take a walk around here some other time as well. "Fine then. I won't be away for long, unless you want some time alone. I'm not angry though, you know? Are you?", he asked, it was hard to tell without seeing Ronans face. "I gave you a chance to redeem yourself, but... just forget it then, it's not necessary." Caelan looked at that foot of Ronans after hearing Ronan complain, instead of letting go however, Caelan just used less pressure on Ronan, softly kneading his muscles. "That's supposed to feel good, you know? My way of saying sorry."

    • "So you'd rather have me beg for it than give me what I want? I mean, I get why you'd do that but ... you know, I'd rather be forced to do it than have to beg for it, so my assumption was, if begging doesn't satisfy you, you'd get yourself what you wanted", Ronan mumbled, not understanding the situation he'd ruined all that much. Maybe, just maybe, Caelan was right - wouldn't it be better for him to get on his knees and beg for him to let him do what the blonde wanted him to do, or was that merely a farce that was supposed to crack that shell of his? "I ... guess we can do that, as long as we need to figure one another out. Maybe we should stop making deals too, they're only going to pile up and someone is bound to forget something at some point, so there wouldn't be any disappointment. Ideally, maybe we should just try figuring each other out, like you said, before we do anything rash and stupid from now on", Ronan sighed, fully aware that this was, in fact, something that could get as stupid as it was - he'd fucked up and that was about it. Right now, what could he do except for agreeing with Caelan and the proposals he made? Where would that get them anyway, exactly? Truth be told, he wasn't sure if he was sad or mad, or even feeling anything at all - what even was this?

      "Thank god", he grumbled, still unwilling to even move an inch from where he lay and instead keeping to breathe into that pillow of his, only occassionally showing signs of being alive when his fingers twitched. This was what they'd wanted, wasn't it? Being with one another, out here, all alone and yet they were unable to do anything else - having fun with one another was out of question right now, at least for a moment - Ronan had ruined it, how bitter was that? "And what if I want to? Really, you can use me however you see fit, I mean it. I don't mind, I'm honest." Talking to Ronan usually felt like talking to a wall, simply for the fact that he could get so stuck in his own headspace that everything he said was final and he insisted on having it his way - shouldn't he start being less stubborn? Wasn't that a way to start? But no, he had to do things his way and by his way, he pretty much meant that he'd do whatever he wanted, whatever Caelan liked it or not, which - in turn - was a shitty decision. "Do I sound like I'm angry?", he asked, without giving a definite answer. Well, was he? No, disappointed in himself was a better way to describe it, but once he'd be without Caelan for a few seconds, his thoughts would clear up - hopefully - and he'd stop being a sourpuss. "I'm horrible at doing anything - sorry to disappoint", he sighed instead, pressing the pillow against his face with his hands. "Why apologize? You didn't do anything wrong? Also, I just don't like pain, that's all." And it still hurt.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I figured as much. You know, I'm not against giving you what you want, but it would do you good to not be as stubborn all the time and just tell me what it is I should do. For this situation specifically I let you play around quite a lot already, I'm also a little bit impatient sometimes, so sorry I lost my patience there." Caelan could only look at this pillow obstructing the view on Ronans face. He didn't seem like he wanted to show himself anytime soon, Caelan didn't like seeing him like this, there was no need to frown now. "Then start telling me what's alright and what's not, or tell me how I know that it's too much for you. I assume all I did before was alright still, I know you wanted more of that, I'm sorry I just stood up like that.", he said and for now let the pillow where it was instead of just pulling it away to see his face. He thought of ways to lighten up Ronans mood again but he wasn't sure about his ideas, in the end maybe he made it worse.

      "If that's your way of saying sorry, I'll accept it, but... of course I'm happy you'd let me do what I want, but I'd feel bad if you actually got hurt. You know that in the end you are the one in power, right? After all you're not a tool to me, we've agreed to be a couple, or have we not? What you think and feel is important to me. If you really want to offer yourself to me like that, know that you can do the same to me, otherwise I'm going to ignore your offer." Caelan really tried to figure out what Ronan would like to hear in this moment, but maybe it was better he really left for a walk and gave him a few minutes to himself, to pull together his thoughts and figure out what he felt and wanted, Caelan had the feeling Ronan didn't even know at this point. "Well you don't sound happy.", Caelan answered and shortly after let go of Ronans foot. "Stop talking yourself down, also... you make no sense to me. You offered me to break your arm and now you're telling me you don't like pain?" First of all that massage could hardly have hurt, but Caelan didn't questions it, second of all... what was it now that Ronan wanted? Caelan was pretty sure he hurt him before if only a little bit, but he actually liked it, what was he supposed to do and even think now? "Alright, I'll leave you then.", he concluded with a sigh and stood up to actually find a rag and some water to clean up the mess on his body and while he was at it heated up some water for Ronan, he doubted cold water would be okay for him. If Ronan didn't want to show himself, talked himself down even more the longer he talked to Caelan and despised every touch the blonde offered, he might as well leave him alone.

    • "I get it, I'll do better next time. Communication is key after all", he answered, pretty straightforward and unwilling to keep talking about this much longer. Where would that get them anyway? Ronan knew that one wasn't supposed to cry over spoiled milk, but right now, he was busy doing just that - even if it was more whining, than actually crying. That, in fact, would be emnbarrassing - after all, Ronan wasn't much of a social person but crying over a minor inconvenience was something for little kids, something he didn't want to be compared to and ... well, what would there even be to cry about? "You couldn't know and I mainly aimed to piss you off because I thought it was going to make you do more, so that's something that I fucked up. Really, don't sweat it - I'll be as vocal as I can if something hurts more than it should, or if I dislike something." What else could he do, except that? Run from himself or his choices, or even deny Caelan everything else? This was a hole he'd dug himself and a hole he'd have to stay in, there was no other way around it now that he lay there and now that he'd made it clear that he wasn't planning on continuing where they'd left off. Was there any way to make it up to Caelan anyway? Beg? Give him kisses? Tell him that he was the most beautiful being he'd ever laid his eyes upon? All of this seemed cheesy.

      "We are a couple, that's right. And I wouldn't have it any other way, but be assured that I won't take back this offer of mine. Still, we should figure out boundaries at some point and set them - we have all the time in the world for that, thankfully." Was he still upset or was he merely contemplating what it was that made him think about all of these things like this? Caelan couldn't possible figure him out in the span of a few days and Ronan knew that, because it wasn't all that different for him - he couldn't figure out the blonde in the blink of an eye, either. "I never do, I'm not angry. Don't worry." Just disappointed in myself., he could have tacked that on, but he knew that it was for the better if he kept that mouth of his shut and let Caelan do what he wanted - what he thought was right. "Well, I told you that you can do whatever you want with me, if I like it or not is up to me, but you shouldn't concern yourself with that. As for the talking down part, I'm going to disappoint in that department - that's the only thing I can do consistently." It wasn't a lie and the truth was that Ronan of Alster hated himself more than anything - it started with his personality, with his behavior and ended at his body and the inability to stand up for himself. "Just take care", he mumbled and instead turned over, grabbed the blanket and pulled it over that body of his. Well, what now? Waiting for Caelan to leave was one option.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Well Caelan was at a loss, he had no idea how to cheer up Ronan and frankly, if it wasn't enough to tell him over and over again that he was fine just the way he was, there was no point in talking to him anyway right now. How often did he, despite the little time they spent together, tell him that he liked him like he was? The only thing immensely annoying was the way he thought about himself while not listening to Caelans tries to cheer him up at all, instead talking himself down even more and more. Caelan didn't want to argue about it anymore, because Ronan didn't listen anyway. "You don't have to piss me off for real if you want something to happen.", he sighed, but felt like he explained that before. Instead of arguing any further, of telling him that it was fine and that he should stop to sound like he was the worst person on earth, Caelan searched for his clothes after he cleaned himself up and put them on. "I've put some water over the fire for you.", he simply said and looked at Ronan one more time, who still was hiding under that pillow.

      Before Caelan actually left however, he moved over into the bedroom again, sat down on the bed next to Ronan and eventually put his hand on his shoulder. "Ronan don't sweat all this please.", he said, eventually lying down next to him and wrapping his arm around him carefully. He snuggled up to him, though he wasn't joining him under the blanket. He slightly squeezed Ronan, pushing his back against his own chest slowly. "I'm not mad, or angry, or pissed off, I actually not really was. I just wanted to win this stupid game as much as you did and I didn't want to give you what you wanted when I clearly should have. Please stop talking like it's your fault and you are no good, listening to it... hurts. So... I'll leave now and give you some time to think and calm down... unless you want me to stay. Either way is fine, just tell me what you prefer."

    • Was this a mistake after all? Caelan shouldn't have gotten involved in this bullshit, let alone in his affairs. Was it really time to doubt himself like this because he'd messed up once? Ronan sure was someone that doubted himself a lot over nothing important and yet he lay there, grumpy as he was and tried to come up with something to make it up to Caelan later, whatever that was supposed to be. A tea and some broth could help, but not now, he wasn't hungry and he might as well go outside himself, but it probably was cold and ... not for him. All the effort, just so he could try and see if he really, truly wasn't as sickly as everyone claimed and yet, the only thing he could do and really was doing was nothing than sulking and furthering the claim that he wasn't worth much more than those rumors. Why him, exactly? Couldn't he just be like Caelan, like everyone else and stop struggling with himself? What was this, if not his own bane and what was this, if not his own selfdoubt? Ronan listened, yet he didn't answer and eventually came to terms with the fact that not only had he overreacted, but also there was no reason for him to be mad at Caelan, nor was there any need for him to explain to the blonde why he hated himself so much, not yet, at least. "Thanks", he answered. Did he really need warm water?

      So, when would he get himself out of bed? Once he'd hear that door creak and he was sure that Caelan was gone, or at least when he heard the water getting uncomfortably hot, whatever came first. His plans were thwarted by the weight that had shifted onto the mattress, before it put its hands on his shoulder. What was all this? A joke, or something else that he was too stupid to understand? Once he'd figure that out, maybe he'd find out what was plagueing him, but for now, Ronan let Caelan and only listened to the blonde, who spoke once more. "I'm not", he answered, as stubborn as ever. Was he lying or was he not? Theoretically, this was a lie, mainly because he was overthinking like the idiot he was, but did that matter? Was it important? Truth be told, Ronan could have come up with a variety of things and once he'd do just that, it all would be in vain. Warmth returned to his side as Caelan lay down again, cuddled up to him and Ronan was confused, to say the least. "I'm fine, stop apologizing", he sighed, grabbed the pillow on his head and softly hit the man behind him with it, wherever he could. "We're both stubborn idiots who want nothing more than to prove to one another that we can do whatever we put our mind to, right? Go take that walk of yours and let me clean up this mess we made in the meantime so I can get back at you when you get back, how's that sound?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan slightly chuckled when the pillow hit him, this was a good sign, wasn't it? "Alright, but leave the sheets if you want, I'll help you with it when I come back. I won't be far.", he said, squeezed Ronan once more and finally stood up again. There was no need for Ronan to clean everything up, when Caelan could help as well, after all some of this was his fault too. He didn't want it to seem like he fled from these duties, he wasn't, but for now Ronan needed a moment for himself as it seems. Caelan took his coat, put it on and soon after closed the door behind him, after stepping outside in the cold air. He figured he'd follow the road a while, it was snowing just a little bit, but after yesterday the road they came from was almost not visible anymore. Well, Caelan didn't need to know his way around to not get lost, he often ventured out, his sense of direction was very good, but he still tried to follow the road, after all he just wanted some fresh air and not an adventure. So he walked a while, not sure whether he should stay away only a few minutes, or Ronan wanted more like an hour or two for himself. So he just walked, looked at Alsters woods a little bit, though it didn't look so different than at home, it was way more flat though.

      After Caelan walked for a while he figured it was as good a time as ever to turn back, taking him a while to manage that as well and when he came back to the hut, he didn't go inside, instead he entered the stables and took care of the horses while he was at it. He fed them, gave them fresh water and checked if it was too cold for them. They looked good, though they lacked freedom to move around here, maybe if Ronan didn't want to take a walk tomorrow either, they could at least take the horses for maybe half an hour and stroll around, it would do them good. He brushed and patted them a little bit and even added a few extra minutes with them, for some reason he wasn't sure if he was allowed back in, though Ronan hadn't exactly kicked him out, right? Well he decided he could as well take the basket by the fire wood and put some new one in, he also took off a little again to find suitable sticks usable as tinder and put it there as well. He had no bucket, else he had took off for the little stream to get fresh water as well, but instead he just knocked on the door with the basket in his hands. Did he even have to knock? "Am I allowed back in?", he asked trough the door.

      Dieser Beitrag wurde bereits 1 mal editiert, zuletzt von Earinor ()

    • "Just take care and don't get lost, that's everything", he sighed and as soon as Caelan had gotten up and disappeared, he felt cold and somewhat lost. How was he going to deal with that, exactly? Warm himself up by the fireplace that lacked warmth because of the missing wood, or just go about his day and ignore that the blonde was even there? As soon as he'd heard the door close, he sprawled his legs out across the bed, threw the blanket off of his body and got up, tossed it to the floor and almost ripped the sheets of, before he realized he just had to wash those, not actually throw them out. A quick sigh followed as he wandered to the kitchen, took the water Caelan had prepared for him and made his way to the bathroom - he wasn't going to fill the tub with it, it wasn't enough anyway, instead he took one of the towels, soaked it in water for just a bit and started rubbing himself clean with the damp water, before he - eventually - held his head above the tub, emptied half of the remaining water out over his head and started to wash his hair like that. Albeit the position he was in was inconvenient, he didn't feel bad - and it would look a lot nicer once he was done. The rest of the water was used to wash out the remaining soap, but ... how much time did he waste, exactly?

      He hurried back to the bedroom, his hair still damp after he'd wrung it out and got rid of the mess he'd made earlier, only to get stuck at the damn closet, trying to figure out which of those sheets were okay to use and which ones were dirtied, ruined or bloodied. Ronan was sure he should toss those out and he should dress himself, but right now, he was just happy with finding a clean one and being able to shove the rest at the back of the closet. Was there another blanket, too? Actually, yes - and he gladly reached for it, only to discover that it was bloodied as well. He sighed, before he tossed it to the floor, grabbed the dirty laundry from before and hoisted it back into the bathroom, to wash it eventually and put the fresh ones on - he could just ignore the slight tidbit of blood on the fringes of this blanket, right? Not, that Caelan would look for it, or even peer into the closet, now that the sheets were changed, right? Speaking of which, he probably should've gotten rid of those knives and ... was he worrying too much? Ronan sighed, grabbed his clothes and put back on what wasn't dirty, ignored his worries for a while and hurried back to the kitchen to reheat the tea from yesterday - this was either going to taste horrible or like the best thing in years. He could have gotten the ropes from the so-called basement, but instead he stayed where he was and almost felt like it was getting cold, despite the fire burning in the fireplace. The knock on the door startled him, but he calmed down pretty quickly after he heard a familiar voice. "Only if you don't mind drinking some more tea."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • As soon as Caelan heard Ronans voice, he chuckled, but the fellow noble probably couldn't hear that through the door. "Eww tea? Than I'll rather stay out here!", he joked, waited a second and then opened the door. He got out of his boots first, leaving them by the door since they were wet and muddy, he also shook the snow from his shoulders while he was still not fully inside. Then he reached for the basket he had put on the floor meanwhile to carry it inside. He put it right to the fireplace in the so called living room and grabbed some remaining wood from the other basket there to add to the fire. The empty basket could go outside, while the new one stayed here. He also added wood to the fireplace in the little bedroom before he even got out of his coat. When this was done he came back to Ronan who had prepared some tea, well he did say it after all. "While I'm still dressed, should I go back outside and get some fresh water?", he asked him, he wouldn't mind, he just needed a suitable bucket or two, if Ronan had another one.

      Did Ronan feel better? Well at least he came out of bed and the brief look in the bedroom had showed Caelan that the bed was made already, though he wanted to help. Ronans hair were wet, he probably had washed it already. The blonde wanted to come closer and give him a kiss, but he wasn't sure if this was okay, well fuck that, he did it anyway. He took a step forward, almost leaned downwards and pressed a kiss to Ronans lips. "Everything alright?", he asked afterwards with a smile on his face, just staying were he was, since he wasn't sure what he ought to do next. Going back to bed with Ronan was probably not the plan? They spent half the day there, maybe they should at least wait until it got dark... on the other hand why exactly? If they just read it was more comfortable there too, unless they found some warm blanket or fur to put infront of the fire place.

    • "Then stay out there and die of thirst", he answered, but didn't exactly mean it - and Caelan came inside anyway. Why did he even ask? He didn't have a single reason to and it was alright to have him hang around in his little hut anyway, not that Ronan did mind having him here - if he did, he wouldn't have even invited him inside, let alone offered him to come and do whatever he wanted with him. After all, the blonde looked like a puppy who'd just played outside, but he had manners - at least some, he was still dragging the snow inside, but Ronan wouldn't chastise him for it, it was almost impossible to leave all of that outside to begin with. His eyes merely watched his boyfriend move, then he got up himself and poured them some tea, put the cups on the table so they could at least enjoy it together and while he did that, Caelan had brought firewood, too - something he could have done himself, if he hadn't been so self-absorbed earlier and just tried to cover up all of those messes he'd made. Ronan had to burn those sheets eventually, or at least rid himself of them, one way or another. "I ... no. I'll go get some water, you really don't need to go out again", he said, grabbed his cup and drank from it, as if it'd warm him up from inside out and give him a vague idea of what he was to do.

      The next course of action startled him a bit - he wasn't expecting to be looked at like that and he also wasn't thinking that he'd end up getting kissed so oon again, it was almost ashaming that he was the one that became flustered, stopped in his tracks and averted his gaze, only to wrap his arms around the blonde once they'd parted and bury his face in the others chest - why, gods, was he this small? "I'm fine, what about you?", he asked, his voice muffled from the face hidden in the blondes shirt and subsequently chest. This was everything he needed, was it not? Nothing more than this, nothing more than anything else. Whatever Caelan had planned for Ronan to go back on his word like this or not, or if he actually had aniticipated that he'd be nice and compliant, he couldn't tell. What the young noble could say, however, was that he'd missed him already and that it would only get worse once they'd have to part for real. "I was kind of overwhelmed, earlier, I'm sorry ... are you okay? Everything in one piece?", he asked, almost sheepishly, taken aback by the fact that he wasn't sure what to say, what to do or what he could even do to make amends, only able to nuzzle his face against Caelans chest and thinking about too many things. Should he get on his knees, right here, right now, and try to patch it up like that? No, that ... probably wouldn't work.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.