sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

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    • Caelan liked Alsters spring, it was cold and there was still snow covering the ground and the trees, however it was evident that it would melt soon. Flowers started growing and struggled to get through dead leafs and the snow to get some light. Yellow and blue spots could be found all over the place, where spring showed that is was here, not like in Fhaergus where this would take some more months. The trees started to grown new leafs too, green buds were visible everywhere and the setting sun complimented the view with a red-ish light. Th stream had been clean and the water from there was probably drinkable right away, Caelan even tasted it. It didn't reek like the lake and he felt all cleaned up. His coat kept the cold and the wind out, only his hair were wet, freezing up a little bit, but he'd be home in just a few more minutes and it wasn't that bad. He already was able to see the hut on it's little hill and in that moment snow started to rain down. Caelan smiled a little, fastened his step and was soon back inside.

      Ronan almost immediately welcomed him home, gave him a kiss and took one of the buckets. "Yeah sorry, I already cleaned up right at the stream.", Caelan said, left his boots by the door and followed the fellow noble with the second bucket still in hand to the fire place, so they could warm it up for the bath. "It doesn't.", he grinned and already could smell the food Ronan was preparing for them, he was hungry. After putting down the bucket where it was supposed to be, he got out of his coat which had could a little snow on the shoulders and brought it back to the door, before he made everything wet. "I'll get into something more comfortable, alright?", he asked, already leaving for his belongings and searching for better pants, he got the comfortable shirt without buttons already and put it on after the bath, though he checked if it smelled alright, after he didn't wash himself in the tub. "You can take a bath after dinner while I care about the dishes, how does that sound?", he asked, his voice raised, so Ronan could hear him in the next room. With the fresh clothes found, he put them on the bed and started to change.

    • Ronan, on the other hand, enjoyed Laverns and Olettes warmer seasons, even though he hated their summer, yet, he disliked Alsters and Fhaergus winters and instead wished to stay at a place that met his needs, albeit he was pretty much convinced that he'd never find that. Maybe he'd find a spot sometime, but right now, even Alsters spring paled in comparison to that in Lavern - everything was trying to come back to life, yet the snow came back as well and tried to drown it out yet again. Caelan had come back just in time it seemed, but Ronan didn't even know what to do with him now - their food wasn't ready, the tub should be emptied out and they both would have their hands full, just because they came to a cabin in some woods, far away from all the luxury they were used to. "Couldn't wait for the water to get warm, did you?", he asked, chuckling, and actually wanting to touch the blondes wet hair, but he wouldn't get up there anytime soon, unless he'd tiptoe once again. "Oh it doesn't? That's good to hear", Ronan chuckled again, felt like he was warming up yet again and then, in all honesty, he'd find himself stuck in another nightmare of his - maybe.

      "Take your time", he answered, knowing well enough that he'd be able to cook in peace like that - but that also meant that they prepared for sleeping, instead of doing anything else. The broth came first and after that, they'd probably crawl back to bed, cuddle for a bit and fall asleep. Tomorrow? Who knew, maybe it all would happen at some point, but right now he was content with what he got. "That sounds like a good plan!", he yelled back at Caelan, so that the blonde would hear him too. The young noble grabbed a wooden spoon, stirred in the broth and eventually went back to cut some of the herbs he'd taken with him as well, threw them into the pot and stirred it again. What was this going to be even? It smelled nice, came together just fine, but Ronan wasn't an expert, let alone did the recipe secify all that much - it'd work out, would it not? To distract himself, he started rummaging through one of his bookshelves instead. "Do you want to read something?", he laughed, picking out book after book before he found something that he thought Caelan could like - the only problem was, that the blonde probably didn't know how to read thrian language. Did he have anything else? Probably.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I could have waited, but I thought if we both get in together again, it'll just end up... not so well, like last time.", Caelan answered with a grin on his face and told nothing but the truth. He did not mind running out to get some water and bring the heavy buckets back here, but... he did mind a little doing it twice in such a short time. It also got dark pretty soon, the days were still short and running around at night in some woods with his hands occupied? No, he'd rather not, he did some stupid stuff, but not necessarily and he didn't want to worry Ronan. "Now you'll have the tub all to yourself and you needn't worry about me, I promise." He wouldn't charge into the bathroom while Ronan was busy finally cleaning his body... or would he? He would at least do his best not to and while he cleaned up their table and the dishes, he at least would be occupied. Having his hands occupied with something seemed always important to him to not do anything stupid or get any stupid ideas to begin with.

      Caelan got into some loose pants that he usually only used when he was sleeping, if he wore any to begin with. His father would never allow him to wear something like this, no matter if there were visitors or they were at home alone, just him and his parent, well and all the servants that were there all the time. It wasn't 'good behaviour' and he needed to be 'dressed accordingly' at every given moment, 'what if someone important visited'. Now however was as good a time as any to wear something more relaxed and the shirt he put on he'd never wear to any of those events either, he mostly wore them if he went out to camp somewhere and just wanted something comfortable which was allowed to get dirty a little bit at least. The floor was rather cold, but he decided to go without socks and came outside again. He had heard Ronan make some noise and now he saw what he actually did. "You wanted me to read stuff or did you not?", he answered, he wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but the broth didn't take too long from now probably, so what else should he do when he was finished with everything else. "Just search for something you want me to read, while I clean out the tub for you.", he smiled, walking towards the bathroom already.

    • "At least you're somewhat considerate, I'll give you that", the noble snickered, knowing fully well that Caelan was right. All he had wanted was to wash his hair, in a crammed bathtub no less and all he had gotten was everything but that, but at least he'd felt nice, no? Soon enough, he could crawl back into bed and enjoy the rest of the night like he'd ought to - asleep, in Caelans arms, without anyone disturbing them or even having to think about being forced to wake up on time. Sure, the bed could be bigger and yes, they could have had a better time at the manor, but his father would not only disapprove of Caelans presence, he'd also annoy the everloving hell out of him and he'd never have a good opportunity to spend time together with that lover of his. "And you're sure that you'll survive on your own if I'm in there for quite a while?" Merely kidding, Ronan checked the broth yet again - it was coming along nicely, that was a bit of a relief t least. Now, he actually took time to search for some wooden bowls and spoons that should be somewhere in the small kitchen as well, but were exactly?

      Out here, in the outskirts of Fhaergus, was nothing but trees and hills and snow and this cabin, with the two of them inside of it. Was there even a reason or anyone to build a house out here? Probably not, after all the chances of them surviving on their own were slim, just like it would be a good idea to stack up for several months if one were to come here in winter. Right now, as much as it was snowing outside anyway, the winter was already leaving and probably not dragging a serious amount of snow back to the country, so they should be fine with the things that he had brought from Kilead. If anything else failed, there probably was some stuff beneath the floorboards over there, but right now, he didn't want to bother with a moist basement. "Yes, I wanted to - if I can find something you understand, that is." Ronan doubted that his fellow noble was also pretty much fluent in wolf language and he couldn't even admit to it, after all, Caelan already had noticed how fond he seemed of their neighbouring country which, by all means, was rarely considered a good thing. "You're even going to clean the bathtub? How generous!", he chimed, let Caelan do what he wanted and then dragged out random book after random book, searched through it for a second, wandered back to the pot and stirred the broth for a bit. He repeated the process for a few times, put the wrong book back into the shelf and pulled out a new one. "Found it."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Only somewhat?", Caelan asked laughing, actually he only had thought of Ronan. He loved his own cold country and the cold outside and he hated the heat of Lavern or Olette, but that didn't mean that he hated heat or warmth in general, actually he liked taking a hot bath, but he also had no problem cleaning up in a freezing stream. If he were to choose, he'd probably take the tub over the stream, but he already had a bath today and he doubted he was able to keep his hands by himself if he saw Ronan naked, more so if he cuddled up to him like before. After all he waited for this the past days, he just wanted to be alone and unbothered with Ronan, here in this cabin no one cared about, with snow outside that made Caelan feel more at home than he should. This of course wasn't his home and he didn't live here, but he felt more at home than anywhere else, because he was here with Ronan and they could do whatever they wanted, without their fathers judging them and without the need to be careful. If he could, he'd probably stay here with Ronan, live here with him and just care about him, he probably could make do, he was able to hunt, fetch water, repair the roof if necessary and walk to the neirest town if there was something they needed, it was a live he liked to imagine but it probably never came true. "I'll try, but take too long and I'll join you again!", Caelan laughed, threatening Ronan to make him feel oh so good - too good - again and indulge in a sin that would cost them their heads if anyone ever found out.

      Caelan went into the bathroom to get the old and dirty water out of the tub, pouring it just outside the window bit by bit. Then he got some fresh water from outside and searched for something to clean with and actually cleaned out the tub for Ronan. He was cooking and he felt bad for not doing anything for him, after being responsible for ruining his bath. He hated cleaning, yes, but it was more that he hated putting stuff away to were it belonged, this here was kind of fine and doing it for Ronan made it absolutely easy. When he was finished he washed his hands and poured the dirty water outside as well, it quickly sank into the snow and got part of it. When he was finished Ronan had apparently found what he had searched for. Caelan walked up to him and wrapped his arms around his stomach while he leaned downwards to somehow match Ronans size. He pressed his head against Ronans back, cuddling him for a few seconds, then he put his head on his shoulder and took the book out of his hands. "Fine, I'll read it.", he smiled, let go of Ronan and went to lay down on the bed with this thing... it better was worth it.

    • "Only somewhat", Ronan laughed. Yes, they both were taking each others preferences into account to a certain degree, but even if they did do that, who said that they only shared the same interests? He knew, for a fact at that, that Caelan was probably right - that they both would be unable to keep their hands to themselves if they only ever spent time together, especially in a small, easily crowded space like that bathtub that definitely hadn't been made for more than one person, unlike those that were in the manor. For one, he felt like he was drowning in luxury, had more than a peasant could wish for, but he also was envious of those who had nothing - of their simpler lives, not ripe with worry over trivial things. Though, all of that was just a mere daydream - Ronan knew that he couldn't just tune out one world, then tune into the next one because one way of living didn't suit him anymore. "And what if I lock the door? Are you gonna break in or something? Do you really think you want to tear down an old and shabby door?" All of this was merely hypothetical, yet, it came with a weird sense of urgency. "I'll try to be quick about it, but not as quick as to waste the water."

      Finally, he found the bowls he had been looking for - unlike the nice silverware they had at home and the porcelain things that his mother fancied so much, this was just wooden stuff that had been glazed over briefly, so that nobody would cut themselves on anything or end up with a splinter in their mouths. Was Caelan really cleaning in there? "And here I thought you hated cleaning!", he remarked, just to rile the blonde up and get a reaction out of him - hopefully at least. What was their relationship anyway? They behaved like a couple, like newly weds at that, but they only knew each other for a few days and barely had done anything, did they now? Well, they had enough time to figure one another out, especially out here and tht book would probably give his lover some insight - and it would embarrass him to some degree, most likely at least. Giving Caelan one of those stupid, endless novels that only danced around the topic didn't seem like a good idea, but ... for now, that was a good approach. It wasn't too long, maybe a few hundred pages, but it got the basic idea across pretty well, at least Ronan thought it would, and it wasn't overly sweet or cheesy. "And let me eat all this broth alone? Fine then!"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan was never one to rely too much on all the servants working for him and his family, at least he learned doing things on his own when he visited his uncle, which he rarely did. His uncle was a man that was happy as long as he was left alone, he had a little hut in the woods, bigger and more luxurious than this one, but still a hut. He lived there on his own since the incident with Caelans aunt happened, who he never met and he was feeling more comfortable alone, maybe he and Ronan weren't so different from each other. The hut in the woods was his and he didn't go to town much, he hunt himself, knew where to gather herbs and he had a small garden and stable. He was pretty self sufficient and he repaired what he could himself. If he needed money, he was always able to ask Allard, but he didn't, instead he traded for leather and fur in the city he rarely visited. Caelan wasn't sure why Allard let Caelan meet him, but after all he was family and maybe his father wasn't as cold, harsh and angry at him and Caelan. Whichever it was, Caelan visited him from time to time since he was about eight years old and he had helped him focusing his energy on something productive. He also taught him to take care of himself, how to hunt, how to repair a roof, where to find water and what mushrooms were eatable. Allard hated it, but he couldn't keep Caelan for visiting his uncle and Caelan liked him, spent time with him in silence and still he felt closer to him than he ever did to his father. Dreigh was calm and quiet, he always defended his brother and cared about the family, Caelan didn't understand why him and his father didn't get along, the story that divided them lay so far in the past and yet both couldn't let go. Caelan gave up talking to either of them about that topic and he was happy just sitting at the lake with his uncle and say absolutely nothing for multiple hours. "I wouldn't dare breaking anything in here, so you better lock the door, that's a good idea if you want to have some time to yourself.", Caelan answered with a smile. "Just take your time, it's fine, I'll do the dishes and then I have a book to read too, don't I?"

      "I figured it's kinda easy if I'm doing it for you...", Caelan answered a little bit embarrassed, which didn't feel like him at all, but... Ronan brought so much to the surface, so many thoughts and feelings Caelan didn't even know he had. His cheeks flashed up a little, but Ronan couldn't see it anyway, when he stepped outside the problem was already gone. Caelan opened the book on the first page and started reading the first few sentences. "Just tell me when it's finished and of course I'll join you! Or do you need help with anything else?", he asked and thought about skipping to the end or reading some pages in the middle, but Ronan did want him to read this and he wanted to comply and do just that, so he didn't turn the page until he read every singe word. It was some kind of story and it needed some time to build up, Caelan was aware of this and he planned on pushing through to read for himself what Ronan wanted him to know.

    • Who of Alsters nobles even came out here? His mother had her own summer residence in a different part of the country, somewhere around the border and Darragh never left the main manor anyway, unless it was to attend one of those pesky events he seemed to loathe so much. Ronan had only found out about this hut by chance, maybe because his grandmother had run her mouth an hour too long, but by now she was nothing more than dust and dirt, buried beneath the earth and with her, all of her secrets had died - and if a little curious Ronan hadn't asked about it, this secret would have died with her as well, he was certain. All she had to impart was, that this cabin had been built by her own father, his great-grandfather who he'd never met, and that he sometimes had secluded himself from the rest of the world to rest up and just become one with the nature around him. Whatever that meant, he didn't know, but his grandfather hadn't been born in the position of a duke either, he was a simple baron and simply had gotten lucky to marry someone like his great-grandmother - just like Darragh had been with his mother. "Maybe I want to barge you in on me, we'll see", he could take a book with him and skim over it, see if he found anything he liked. "I feel like I'm having you serve me, instead of just help me out. We can do the dishes together."

      Out here, he was on his own - together with Caelan - and that was alright. At least for the time being. Ronan reached for a laddle that he had hanging off a rack on the wall and grabbed one of the bowls - he could just pour the broth in like that, couldn't he? "That sounds sweet, a lot sweeter than expected actually, you know?", Ronan chuckled, content with what he just heard - if a bit of love could get Caelan to do his tasks like that, maybe pampering him for a while wasn't bad. That, of course, gave him ideas but they could wait until after they'd eaten and collected their thoughts one and for all. "You can come back right about now, the broth is as good as done anyway." It hadn't taken long, Ronan had to admit that, but a short taste test - before he put it into the wooden bowl - revealed to him that, yes, this was in fact done and no, he didn't need to add anything else. Sometimes, he was glad that he had all these recipe books out here, other times he wondered why he even cooked as much as he'd normally would - they could eat this tomorrow, or the day after, but then it would go bad - most likely at least - and he'd never eat all of that alone. "Unless you want me to bring you a bowl and have you eat it in bed, your choice."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "You're not, don't be stupid. I am able to wash two bowls and two spoons, don't worry. You cooked and I take care of the dishes, sounds fair, also you'll have some time in the bath before I get too impatient.", Caelan answered, this was worth shaking his head over Ronans worries. Caelan didn't serve him and even if he did, he didn't mind. If he in fact was serving him, then he'd also had done the cooking and the reason for splitting the workload like they did was simply, because it was the fastest way. After the dishes were done and Ronan had taken a bath they were free to do whatever they wanted, if it was sleeping, cuddling or something else didn't matter, but they'd had time for each other and that was why they were here for. It was actually kind of interesting how well they would work together here and for now it went fine and no one annoyed the other.

      "I... yeah I guess...", Caelan mumbled, his cheeks flashing up again only because his actions were called sweet by Ronan. "You know, I'm used to do work and not have everything carried after me or done for me, so I'm fine doing some work here too. If we need it I can chop some wood or even fix the roof if that was necessary." He shouldn't and his father hated if he did anything, more so if it was in their own home. When Caelan needed new firewood for his fireplace, he shouldn't go outside to the shack on his own and carry a basket full back in the house, what he should do was tell someone he should do it for him and the servants took everything out of his hands as well if they saw him. He wondered if that would change once he got Lord of Fhaergus. It wasn't a problem for him to do all that and Fhaergus was a very small country with hard working citizens of which almost everyone had exchanged at least one word with the noble family ruling them, they were different from other countries, they were much more close to the peasants and Caelans opinion was that Dreigh would be a much better Lord for Fhaergus than his father was. Maybe he was wrong their and the image presented to the other Lords was more important, he wasn't sure, but he would do it differently probably. He looked up from his book of which he read almost nothing now, because his thoughts have wondered and he didn't remember the words he read absent minded. So he closed the book and stood up and sat down at the small table where they would probably eat. "Here is fine.", he smiled, briefly looking out the window and watching the snowflakes dance in the wind.

    • "Spelling it out makes it worse for some reason, but ... fine. You can do the dishes, I'll take a bath and then we can cuddle, Caelan of Fhaergus", the young noble proposed to that lover of his. All in all, they really were behaving like a married couple that had no idea of what to do with themselves, except act upon their urges. However one should quench their thirst for the other was, in fact, up to them, but right now, Ronan wanted nothing more than to eat something and maybe get himself a cup of water after that, just to dip back into the warm tub, stay in there and wash off all the invisible mud and dirt the lake hat left on him - it wouldn't be a hard or a long task, but he still didn't even dare think about the time it would consume. How long could they even stay out here? Surely, they could hunt for themselves and if they needed anything urgently, he could ride back to Kilead and be back in a few hours, without too much human contact. If his memory served him well, the people there wouldn't be nosy, let alone ask who the stranger was that had rode with him - they didn't even care who he was, half of the time.

      "I have enough wood out back for now, but ... that's good to know. When I come out here, I have to fix any and all problems myself, but I have to admit, I'm better at cooking and doing less ... handiwork, as one might call it. So it's good we're both out here", Ronan chuckled. If he was to be duke, knowing how to cook or swipe the floor wasn't a skill he shouldn't know, but he'd refuse to settle for that manor of his mother, filled to the brim with servants from all walks of life and squeaky clean from top to bottom. Whenever he announced he'd seclude himself, Darragh rolled his eyes, seemingly appaled that his very own son would go as far as to distance himself from this world and shun his political duties, but that was, who Ronan of Alster was - a lone wolf that rarely mixed well with others, just like oil and water. "So no dinner in bed, alright." Swiftly pouring them some of the broth, he carried the bowls back to the table and set them both down, before walking back a few steps, grabbing the spoons and handing one to Caelan. "Do you want some bread for yours? I can get you a slice or two", he asked, already fumbling with the loaf they'd gotten anyway and cutting himself a small slice. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to enjoy being out here with you, more than I already do anyway."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Alright good.", Caelan smiled, waiting for the broth Ronan made. The good smell filled up the whole small room and it made Caelan hungry already. When was the last time they ate? They fell into bed pretty much instantly yesterday... or rather today morning, so they skipped breakfast and lunch, no wonder Caelans stomach started to rumble already. He was fine if he didn't eat for two or three days, but as soon as he smelled the food, he got hungry and he probably was able to eat all of what Ronan made, but... he better didn't. Maybe this should suffice for a few days and not just one evening. "Maybe we can both read afterwards, if you want. I'm already awake a few hours, we can stay awake a little while longer, if you're not too tired. Since when are you awake anyway?", he asked, briefly looking at the book. Well for now he didn't read anything and he asked himself if he was able to concentrate if Ronan lay next to him with his own book.

      "Just tell me if there is something to be done, even if it's just checking if all of this wood stays together for the next month. My uncle taught me a lot of useful skills and I helped him fix his own home, so... don't be shy, I'm glad if I can be of any help.", Caelan smiled and as of now he was pretty sure he rather did this than read, though he really wanted to give those books a chance, he'd do that as soon as he was finished cleaning up. Ronan probably needed a while to wash these long hair of his anyway. Caelan took the spoon Ronan brought and looked at his food, it looked delicious and he soon could say the same for the taste. "You're a good cook!", he said, grabbing some bread Ronan offered him. He started eating, fast as that, he was hungry after all. "Thanks.", he said, though Ronans words made him look up kind of surprised. "Yeah? Why is that?", Caelan grinned, caring about his food while waiting for an answer and in the end he had finished his first bowl just minutes after. "Can I get myself seconds?", he asked.

    • He'd find a way out of the shadows, back onto the surface, at some point - somehow. Right now, he was only holding onto that small glimpse of hope offered to him by the sun itself, who's name seemed to be Caelan. Truth be told, Ronan knew nothing about love - about the feeling that surged in his heard, caused it to beat faster than ever and ate him up from the inside out whenever he thought he was saying something wrong. Was this truly what love felt like or was it simply someone playing with that brittle heartstrings of his, pulling on an on, just to see how much they could bend until they'd break? "I wouldn't mind, it'll help me get tired, at least I hope it will", he mused, stretching himself shortly thereafter. "Hm, I can't tell you since when, but it was already dusk anyway. I just waited around for you to get out of bed, but this time around, you were the uncooperative one - but I'm not tired, not yet." Unfortunately, that would change once he was full and ready to pour the hot water into the bathtub - he wouldn't fall asleep, but it would only contribute to him getting sleepier and sleepier.

      "I will, but right now I can't think of a single thing. The cabin seems to be in one piece and there's enough firewood out back - and we still have the broth if we get hungry, so there's nothing to fix or to hunt." Right now, they both wouldn't even be able to stay away from the other for a few moments and all those touches that hadn't transpired in a while still felt like they lingered somewhere. Ronan was, in fact, painfully aware that it didn't matter whether or not they eventually had to part, they never really could - especially not when strings of fate bound them to one another. "T-thank you", he mumbled, visibly embarassed as he sat back down and started eating his own food, knowing fully well that he could have done better, that this wasn't the pinnacle of nice taste, but it would make do. "I just think that you, being around, makes my days less lonely and gloomy", he explained to the blonde, ripping up some pieces of his slice and putting them directly into the broth before he continued to eater eventually. "Sure, why not? You don't have to ask, eat as much as you'd like", he remarked with a slight smile as he emptied out his own bowl eventually and set it at aside, to go grab one of the buckets with the warm water in them. "Well, I'll prepare my bath now."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Well you slept through half the ride!", Caelan laughed, he was the one staying awake more than a whole day and taking care of Ronan not falling off the horse. He didn't mind but it explained why he wasn't being keen about getting kicked out of bed. Now he was awake though, but he didn't want to stay awake the whole night, because he wasn't tired only to go to sleep in the morning again and make a complete mess about his sleep cycle. Reading would probably make him tired enough to get to sleep in a reasonable amount of time and to wake up at a good hour sometime in the morning. He slept so deep last night that he couldn't even say if Ronans bed was comfortable or not but at least it was big enough for the two of them. As long as Ronans was lying in his arms he had all he needed for a good nights sleep anyway though and he wasn't sure if he was able to sleep when he was back home in his own bed, alone and without him.

      "Well good, then I have more time for you. Though if you want some minutes of peace, you better think of something I can do.", he joked, though was he? Ronan didn't seem like he was used to a lot of company and he told Caelan that this was his little save haven, now Caelan was here with him in a small hut that didn't have a lot of room that allowed solitude. Caelan was talking a lot sometimes and he didn't seem to be able to leave his hands by himself, so at some point even if they were only here a week, there might be a time he wanted Caelan to leave for a few hours and Caelan wouldn't be mad about it. There was Ronans red face again, only because Caelan complimented his food. It was probably better than anything Caelan would have made, simply because he just did what felt right and didn't think of looking at a recipe. When he went on trips in Fhaergus he mostly didn't eat anything other than some rabbit meat, mostly he didn't even seasoned it, because he had nothing at hand. He was also able to make soup with the rest of a rabbit and some roots but that was about it and the taste wasn't as important to him. Now he smiled, broadly at that. "Nice to hear that.", he answered, looking at Ronan for a while without saying anything. He loved looking at him and he couldn't really sort out his own feelings yet, but it was a fact a warmth formed inside him whenever he realized for himself, that he was alone here with Ronan and they both would have a lot of fun together. Finally he stood up to get some more broth into his bowl and when he came back to the table, he pressed a kiss on Ronans cheek, hoping this was alright. Everything of this situation was new for both of them. He sat down after and ate his second bowl of broth. Ronan was already finished with eating as it seemed. "You're full already?", he asked, but after all Caelan was much bigger than him, so maybe he just needed to eat more. Ronan didn't seem to eat a lot anyway. "That's fine, I'll manage the cleaning up when I'm finished."

    • "I was tired and if it had been bothering you, you'd woken me up - but you didn't", Ronan exclaimed, fully aware that they both tended to be hypocrites whenever they thought that the other was doing something wrong. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't get up in the morning, or sometimes the entire day, but who cared? Right now, he was together with Caelan, out here - and he enjoyed every last second of it, awake or not. It was as if fate had meant it well with him for once, fully aware that he usually was stuck in his own, very personal hell. Here, however, he was very much allowed to be who he wanted to be and didn't have to bow to any stupid rules that someone would come up with eventually, at least as soon as they'd figure out that he only needed the blonde to feel better, to feel whole. "At least you were pretty comfortable", he added. His neck still hurt, just a bit, but it would go away eventually - at least until he'd have to crawl home to Alster. After that, who cared? Their ways would part and he couldn't remain out here forever, he'd have to come back home and attend to his duties sooner or later.

      "You have something to read and if you can't find enough peace, you could lend me those hands of yours so I can tie them up", the noble joked. They both still had to figure out one anothers boundaries, the extend of their limits and what not, but for now, they could just slowly edge their way there, until they'd find a stone in their path. For now, it sufficed to get praised by his lover for things that he shouldn't know how to do, let alone be praised for - deep down, they were sinning, no? But for now, it was alright, they weren't doing anything serious, or committing a crime - at least not as long as nobody was there to judge them. "I never eat much, which is also why I never cook that much, but I thought you might want some more and we'll be able to eat this tomorrow and the day after, if we want to." Ronan scurried back once he'd walked to the bathroom, poured the water in and brought the bucket back to the kitchen to set it aside. "Thanks. And don't get too bored without me - if you want to eat more, feel free to", he explained, pressing a kiss to Caelans lips and then taking the second bucket with him, closing the bathroom door behind him and pouring most of it into the tub as well, shedding his clothes and putting them aside. Then, after making sure the water wasn't too hot, he finally took a dip and first things first, started washing that pesky hair of his. Maybe he should just cut it off? Wouldn't that look weird?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "You are cute when you're sleeping, so I had something to look at.", Caelan retaliated with a sly grin, he was pretty sure Ronan would not like to hear he's cute again and he also knew very much that Caelans eyes probably were glued on the road ahead and not the man in his arms, though it was a nice feeling having him close and holding him. Caelan was apart from him for such a long time now -since he left the bathtub - that he wanted to hold and cuddle Ronan again already, but he kept his hands to himself and just focused on his food, they'd have enough time to indulge in one-anothers touches. "That's not the first time you say that!", Caelan laughed and it was a nice compliment, he already had thought about a career as a chair, didn't he? He was glad to be of use of Ronan and make his life easier and more comfortable, even if it was only by letting im cuddle up to Caelan.

      "now it sounds like you only want that so you can leave me and do something on your own, that would be mean!", Caelan laughed again, thinking about Ronan being all sassy and tieing him to the bed, only to leave afterwards and read his book. He better knew how to tie someone up or Ronan would have it coming for him. So the food was meant to last more than one day which meant Caelan probably should stop eating after this bowl. Ronan could use some more though, if he really wanted to get stronger and more muscular, which he didn't need to. He was beautiful just the way he was. Caelan received a kiss and he smiled, then kept eating while he watched Ronan close the bathroom door behind him and leaving Caelan alone. He finished his bowl and took his and Ronans afterwards to wash them. He washed it out, dried it and just left it at the kitchen counter, since he didn't know where to put all that stuff. The dirty water was brought outside by him and afterwards he had nothing much to do. He didn't check if Ronan had locked the door, instead he lay down on the bed again and took the book to finally start reading. It only took a few pages to fill Caelans cheeks with warmth and he didn't think about setting the book aside and do something else, in fact he was so occupied that he didn't notice time running by. He probably knew why Ronan wanted him to read a book of his and he already thought about how what was described actually worked and felt, though he pretty much stopped himself from imagining it, his cheeks were red enough already. Where the hell did he find those books and who even wrote something like that? Probably someone that was killed for it...

    • How different were they? What ws it, that caused them to gravitate towards the other? And why, of all things, was it Caelan who gave him so much of a headache when he just thought about this undefined relationship? Once he had sunken into the bathtub and was watching the steam waft away, he wondered - was this, what he wanted? Wasn't this the life he'd dreamed of, so far away from anyone that could judge and so close to the only thing he really, truly wanted to care about? Out here, in the snowy forest close to one of the broders, Ronan was wondering about too much, asking himself too many questions he never could answer unless he tried to question himself earnestly. Rinsing his hair with water and just washing that body of his seemed to be the only thing that took his mind away from all those trivial matters he should be attending instead, to concern himself with how he felt about being nothing more than an affair and how much it would take until he could fully realize that all and any act of rebellion against his father was futile, that this here was nothing but a carnal sin and that he himself was the one that was overthinking - Ronan knew and yet, he let himself sink in and gazed upon the ceiling, finding nothing but old wood that held this building together.

      This was nothing but entertainment - sooner or later, they might realize that they weren't loving one another, but rather that they simply wanted to exist in a world in which they'd be accepted, wasn't it just that? He couldn't imagine anything else, yet, he also was unable to imagine himself falling in love with a woman, let alone sleep with her - he could, on the other hand, imagine sleeping with Caelan, ruining him or letting himself be ruined by him. There was so much, so many things that he could think about and yet there wasn't enough for him to fully grasp tht maybe, just maybe, this was nothing more than the culmination of his overthinking and his very real fears, his desire to be accepted by more than just one person. How long was he laying there, incessantly watching the dirt off of his pale skin and how much water had his hair soaked up? Unfortunately, he'd become unaware and the light outside had disappeared - it was dark in here, the water was getting cold and Ronan, eventually, made his way out of the tub as soon as he'd given himself another quick wash and wringed the water out of his hair. After drying himself off, making sure that his hair wouldn't soak the pillow completely, he got dressed again and took the bucket from before to empty out the bathtub, accepting the almost piercing cold wind that hit him despite being dressed and in a warm room, and closed it as soon as he could, leaving the bathroom to scurry back to bed, not wanting to take a book with him - he was tired. "Missed me?", he asked, looking at Caelan who'd sprawled himself out across the bed and was merely illuminated by the fireplaces light. Closing the door behind him, he made his way into bed, laid down and cuddled up to the blonde. "How far did you get?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Was what Caelan read here what Ronan expected of this trip? Caelan assumed Ronan had read all of what he got here, so this one was probably among the many books Ronan had spent time with. For some reason Caelan got nervous a little bit and though in this book more than just two men kissing as described, he felt unsure and didn't know how exactly he could give Ronan what he wanted. On the other hand, he probably thought too much, after all his first time sleeping with a girl wasn't anything special either and he just did what he thought was right. Was that comparable though? He couldn't even remember the name of that girl and he himself didn't feel any different afterwards, shouldn't he have had? He sighed, Ronan wasn't here to hear it, so he just let it out. He thought this would be easier for him and yet he wished Ronan stayed his demanding self and just told him what to do... he of all people shouldn't be such a pussy though, well... most of the time no one could tell, not even Ronan, at least he hoped that that was true.

      Caelan kept reading and for some reason he couldn't stop, even when it got dark outside and telling the letters apart from each other got harder. He turned a little, so the fireplace could illuminate more of the book and he tried to keep going. That the sun was completely gone and Ronan wasn't back yet didn't even cross his mind he was too occupied with the literature Ronan gave him to read. He only put the book aside when Ronan finally came back and was fast to lie down next to him. "About half through.", he answered, his cheeks somehow red and for now he put the book on the little nightstand next to the bed. "I've missed you, but the book gave me good company.", he smiled, wrapping his arms around Ronan. "You're smelling good...", he mumbled, the freshly washed Ronan really did and he only noticed now that the lake water was completely gone from both of them. He buried his face at Ronans neck and closed his eyes. He did miss touching him and he only noticed now that Ronan was back in his arms... they've spent too much time apart for a whole asted day. "What now...?"

    • One could only assume what two young nobles were up to, all alone in Alsters wilderness, but the only conclusion they'd draw from their disappearance would be, that they either had agreed on an impromptu hunting trip or were trying to come up with something that would, eventually, be fairly important for their countries. In the end, however, Ronan and Caelan came here to be with one another, to enjoy the silence they could - in fact - have at a place like this and to indulge in one another, to fully see how wretched and rotten they were on the inside and once all had been said and done, they'd eventually find that maybe, this decision wasn't the smartest they'd ever made. If one could not be without the other already, even if they just spent a few moments apart, then their relationship was doomed to fail from the get-go and no amount of discretion about the topic would save them. Truth be told however, Ronan didn't mind all those feeble and soft touches he received from otherwise rough hands, or the preferential treatment Caelan would eventually have for him - he wasn't any better and if this were up for him to decide, he'd stay curled up in the blondes arms forever, as long as he could.

      Now, he was merely cuddling up to him and trying to get some warmth from him, despite the water warming him up plenty - he wanted nothing more than this, as selfish as it was, he wanted to be here, by Caelans side and worm himself into that heart of his more than he'd already done. "Already? Seems like the book is interesting, huh?", he jokingly remarked, unable to see much of the blones face in the flickering light, before he pressed his own face against his chest and rubbed it against it. "I'm hoping you're enjoying it. It's not the most throughout explanation, but I didn't want to overwhelm you from the start", after all, it was fine to take it slow and edge ones way from start to finish, even if that meant they'd have to endure some pain along the way - or a bit of silence. "Well, you're smelling good too." For now, it was a save bet that spending time with one another in the bathtub was a bad idea, but doing it in their bed - theirs - was not such a bad idea to have after all, especially right now. "I'm tired ... I want to sleep, unless you don't. I'm open for suggestions", Ronan yawned. Theoretically, he was also up for something else, but that would be too much for today.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan generally had high self esteem and he stopped caring about his fathers opinion about him and about his constant nagging, this however, what he did here with Ronan would not only be condemned by his father but also by the rest of the god damn world and thus Caelan did ask himself if spending time with Ronan like this was wrong, if he was making a mistake. It didn't feel like one, he felt happy and whole, he felt - for the first time ever - like he was being fully himself and he knew what was disturbing him all this time, still he had doubts and worries. He didn't care about dying if someone found out but he did care about the meaning of his feelings and Ronans. Was it wrong? Should they stop? Did their fathers have a reason to judge and hate them after all? Caelan always had thought that his father was nothing more than a hypocrite and that he hated Caelan for looking like the man he hated most, his uncle. He always thought he never had done anything wrong and that the hatred he received only was the result of his hatred towards Dreigh. Could it be however, that his father felt that his son was more than just energetic like his uncle? Did he know? Was this the reason he hated him so much and if yes, what did that mean? However, he didn't want to think about it neither wanted he to talk, not now, he rather spent the time with Ronan without worrying either of them and so he just kept his mouth shut.

      "Well it's not very long anyway...", Caelan said, his cheeks turned red again, just talking about that damn book made him kind of embarrassed. He cuddled up to Ronan even more, partly because he wanted to hide his face. "Not the most throughout...?" There was more?! Caelan wasn't used to reading such things, after all he was pretty sure most people would burn those books and if not better hid it very well. It wasn't like Caelan to be that shy and reserved and the first time he saw a girl naked, he didn't even care, the first time he kissed one, he didn't even remember and the first time he slept with a girl, it wasn't embarrassing at all and he generally didn't care much. Maybe because he never was interested in any of them, but he was interested in Ronan and how to make him happy, maybe he was scared to drive him away if he did something wrong, or... maybe he wasn't smart enough to figure this one out. "Well it gives an idea...", he said as calm as he could and suddenly he didn't even want to move anymore, as if that could be wrong in itself. He let out a short grunt when Ronan gave his compliment back, in actuality he suddenly felt warm and his cheeks flared up even more. What the hell was all this?! "N-no! If you're tired, we'll sleep. We'll have plenty of time to... well... to do whatever." Maybe it was due to the fact that fulfilling Ronans wishes got real and probably would happen tomorrow, but Caelan felt nervous yet again. Not that he didn't want any of that, he just didn't want to disappoint Ronan. He was Caelan of Fhaergus, the man Ronan apparently had watched from afar for a while and the man that had so much experience - with girls anyways. Maybe he really should study up on all of those books... but was what was decribed there even realistic, or would it just raise expecations, Ronans expectations?

    • When push came to shove, Ronan would be uncertain what it would have been that he had to do. Try as one might, his father probably wouldn't budge and let him off the hook so easily once he'd found out something that he shouldn't even know about - and Ronan was sure that, if Darragh knew, he'd skin him alive. There was nothing but simmering animosity between the two of them and the days they'd been getting along just fine on were far gone - they both were nothing more than strangers, enemies if one wanted to go as far and their sole reason for continuing to exist was to spite the other, as it seemed. No matter what they tried, or how much they'd struggle, they'd only find that they'd been bested by one another - and right now, Ronan was the one that had to treat carefully. His father could know abot all of this if he would be nosy enough and he himself knew, well enough at that, that he shouldn't flock to Caelan like a bird would flock to its food if it was offered up. This here was a secret and the reason they couldn't just do what they wanted was not only because of insecurities, but also because they'd failed to grasp that all of their original sins would leave traces. "You do know that the book isn't really all that short?" Caelan didn't seem like he'd skimmed over any of the parts, instead, he sounded like he'd taken in the information he'd been given and Ronan was, god knew why, somewhat happy about it. "Well, it's just a novel. I didn't want to throw you head first into the actual stuff, you know? I mean, what do you think the books I have here are about? Sunshine and dandelions?"

      If one were to glance at the covers, or read the titles, they'd never suspect a thing. In fact, all of this had been meticulous work, but he'd carved out some of the books and put different ones into them, simply for the sake of not being found out immediately or getting questioned because he was reading something unmarked. Right, this all was a farce - a good one at that. Normally, Darragh burned everything he found - at least Ronan had thought he did - but instead, his father had compiled all of this forbidden knowledge in a library that nobody was ever allowed in, simply for preserving it and not having it lost to history. "Trust me, you'll have more than just an idea when you're done", he chuckled. This wasn't scientific research and there was no reason to believe someone like him, but maybe Caelan was and maybe he also, finally, realized that his fellow noble wasn't joking. "Well, I have some books you can't really read, but I think the ones you can read get the point across anyway, so don't worry about it." Most of the sheep - as the Wolves of Thria called them - were prude and too afraid to talk about themselves and their sexuality, or even the sins they had committed, knowing well enough they'd be persecuted for it. On the other hand, thrian books ... or, well, thrian literature - if one would call it that - was throughout and didn't leave nything to ones imagination. "Alright, then sleep well - wake me up tomorrow", he murmured, settling in and closing his eyes, cuddling up to his lover some more and eventually, just as fast, he fell asleep. Caelan's presence alone did wonders for him.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.