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Like a leaf in the wind, Louis toiled and turned with nowhere to go, trying his utmost to make some sort of wave, cause a ripple effect that actually forced him to stay away. Josiah hated it - he hated every second of the delusion that they could still be friends, that they were there for one another until hell froze over in one moment, then couldn't even coexist in the next; it made him bitter, maybe even shrivelled up that heart of his that was ready to just give Louis one chance after the oth…

"Yes, but that ... Louis, listen. I'm sorry, okay? Even if it's not my fault, and I know you'll never let me take the blame, but I'm sorry.", he sighed. In accordance with everything, maybe this kind of excuse wasn't good enough either way - maybe he should man up, tell Louis how he was feeling, how many times he felt lost, and how much it actually meant to him that the two of them were going about it some kind of way. Alas, there was much to mend and yet so little time to do it properly. "I am,…

"I know." None of that was, in essence, maybe. But there was something else that happened, from time to time at least, and there was nothing much he could do about it. Why, praytell, would he even care too much about it all, tough? Louis said it was fine, and Louis word was one he could trust, yet, he knew that - deep down - deluding himself didn't help either. "You're not fine. Look, if you were fine, we'd both be unscathed." What mount of grief was buried deep within Louis, he couldn't tell - …

"I'm ... that's not it. Maybe I do, though." Was he guilty? Louis had to suffer because of him, because he was inadequate, entirely useless, lost, maybe even ripped to shreds by his own inability to do anything right. Even now, he needed someone to save him, to keep a close eye on him lest he'd eat himself alive by being an idiot, but on the other hand, maybe this was all he needed - Josiah was, inherently, alone. Sure, there were people like them, there was Lily, there was James, there were man…

"I know ..." Maybe he was dooming himself for no reason, pretending like he didn't know that he was cared for, beloved in his own sense, but the wave of sadness that it took to actually dismantle Josiah was nowhere to be seen or felt. There was an aptitude of silence all of a sudden, there was a surge of understanding for the situation as a whole and a little less than that. "Never. I never listen to you, and I really don't know why.", he admitted eventually. Listening to Louis ... why would he,…

"A burden to you, not the others. They'd argue I'm more of a burden when I keep resting.", Josiah was agreeing to disagree, yet again. This friend of his seemed to be hellbent on making him stay in bed and admit to his mistakes no matter what, and the two of them, why, they were hardly compatible in their opinions at time. Everything seemed to boil down to one common goal, and every step taken away from it felt like five steps taken toward it at times, even if nobody wanted to necessarily hear t…

The last thing he wanted was a lecture - Josiah could care for himself, he was content, he was loved the way he was, he was simply himself and that was all that mattered in the end. There was no such thing as trusting anyone too much, or too little - he could merely pray for his own downfall if he would keep relying on everyone around him, but not himself. Why was it those thoughts that plagued him the most? If only he knew. "And I already told you, I'm alright. That's nothing I can't wait out, …

The glance that Louis gave him said it all. Sure, it was one thing to demand something like this of him so adamantly, but the shove itself made him wince - his entire body felt as if he could barely keep it afloat on those nimble legs of his, and the area Lou touched - metaphorically - shrivelled up, to ease the sudden surge of insane pain he felt. "I'm alright, I told you.", he reiterated with gritted teeth. What was he losing or winning here? Was there a way for him to escape the fate he'd sou…

It was only natural of him to bite back if somebody wanted to actually force their ideologies upon him. There was little to no reason for him to fight all of this, let alone was there any need for him to actually come up with an excuse this time; Josiah knew he was tired, that he was forcing himself to stand in a pair of shoes he'd didn't even want to be in, but he'd told Louis yesterday: He wanted this, more than anything else. All of this, it had to happen now, in this very instant and he need…

Josiah wished he understood, really, but even as he read that book, there was nothing that immediately caught his eye or would point him into Louis general direction. Wasn't all of this just hogwash? Was her supposed to assume all of these words meant something in the world they live in? Sure, maybe another day, but tonight, Josiah couldn't scramble them together in a cohesive way - he passed out at some point, between the pages, without putting out his candle, so it smoldered away into the nigh…

Josiah rubbed his face - Louis was talking out of his ass again, and they'd never reach an agreement, ever. This was useless - the entire discussion was for naught, hell, it even hurt him to know that, no matter how he twisted or turned it, there was little to nothing he could say to defend himself with. Was he truly in the wrong, while Louis remained in the right? This was bullshit. All of these things, he didn't want to hear them - he didn't need to hear them, in fact. Sure, he'd gotten chewed…

"I'm stubborn because I don't want to be a burden all the time! I can handle myself!", Josiah was quick the argue yet again. If this kept going, they would never finish this stupid dispute of theirs, and maybe Jo didn't want to. It kept him close to Louis, didn't it? There was no need for them to just stop, for them to simply no longer care about the fine details that had caused their relationship to spiral out of control like it did. Why throw it all away? Just because he didn't like arguing? P…

"Then they should stop worrying about me, it's not that important anyway. I'm happy to give, I don't need to take.", he announced, proud of himself for truly not needing anyone for the time being. To stand on his own legs was desirable, to not rely on others was quite literally a virtue, but in the end, he had needed Louis for the smallest of tasks today. "Not entirely. I'm just saying you'll have wrinkles before you're really old, you know?" That was something silly to worry about, something th…

"I know. But taking care of only myself is selfish, and a hindrance.", he elaborated. Josiah had always been like this, less about himself and more about the others, the people that made this giant patchwork family work in the first place. All he could - wanted, and would - do, was help having it prosper, even when he was aware that there were plenty of boulders in their uneven path; some people just stopped meshing with one another, other people simply gave it all too much thought. "Don't worry…

Josiah didn't know if this was fine, or if he was fine from the get-go, he just knew he was spent and that maybe, all the ache that coursed through his body was simply expressing itself because he'd moved so much today. Well, that would probably be the case for any normal person anyway, but for him? He had to admit that it was so unlike him, it almost hurt. "I didn't feel like it, at all. I mean, I still feel fine ... I'm just exhausted from all the moving and the endless toil against the mud, y…

Today wasn't easy, not on any of them, and Josiah appreciated the help, even tough he felt as if he'd just walked into something he'd rather not even have entertained in the first place. There was more fun to be had elsewhere, better people to spend the night with than him and a bunch of rowdy kids, and yet, Louis entertained him anyway. Why would he not? Right now, at this very point in time, he seemed ever so eager to please Josiah, to spend more time with him, to make him realize that, why ye…

Whatever. Louis often acted as if he knew everything, even way back when, and Josiah had to admit that it sometimes, when they were younger, had pissed him off tremendously. It happened, it didn't matter too much - in the end, it was fine, no matter what, but right now, he didn't want to hear it. Actually, he'd prefer it if Louis kept these remarks to himself, and yet, he'd never tell him that, for he feared that it would create a rift, deeper than the one already in place. Let the other guy car…

Was he not truly fine? Josiah felt alright, in fact, he probably would have felt better if the trailer hadn't crushed him like that, but the rain-soaked mud had been forgiving enough, it seemed. The others cared, which often had to be a sight for sore eyes for some of them, given the sometimes hostile nature that their home exhibited, but right now? It seemed as if he found himself on a stage, with all the lights illuminating only him, as the audience watched in awe of what the contortionist was…

They all looked at him like they were vultures, out for a quick meal on the expense of someone else - was he the carcass they coveted, or rather one of their chicks that had become entangled in a web of a preys intestines and they were, mercilessly, trying to pick him free from his predicament? Josiah looked up at them and felt faint, even as Louis pulled him out. Something was amiss, even as the adrenaline strung his body along, the vultures around him circled in and forced him into their midst…

Collecting all of them and keeping track of them often seemed like he was looking for needles in a haystack - or perhaps even the other way around. Kids, especially these kids, often lacked some sort of discipline or respect and Josiah, well, wasn't he a sight for sore eyes? All of these little guys trusted him more than all of the other adults and, if he had to, he'd not even count himself as one of said adults. Why, even? They were older than him and he'd known them for a while longer, yet, mo…