Suchergebnisse

How much longer? How many more? Josiah didn't want to listen, but he had to, there was no way, there was no choice for him to get out of this - he didn't want to disappoint Louis again, and in a way, he ought to do right by him. Didn't he owe Louis his life? To repay him would only be right, to do what he wanted him to do would be the best thing he could do, for the both of them, but Josiah was stubborn, much like Louis was. He felt like they were playing a game - one he couldn't win, no matter …

Was he supposed to cry? To mourn someone that stood right in front of him? To ask for forgiveness from someone that couldn't help him anymore, because no matter what, there was a clear barrier here? Louis tried his best, he tried to keep him save, he tried to do right by him, and Jo was the one that kicked it all down the drain, with the expectation that Lou would just let him, because he always did. "I can't.", he answered Lou with a whisper, as his own body felt like it was going to pull itsel…

Josiah didn't know what to expect, if anything. There was no way for them to leave, it seemed, not together at least, but Josiah didn't want to give up, either. He couldn't figure it out for the life of him, so he'd simply read the book again, then, as many times as it took, as long as it meant that he could actually come up with something for the both of them. This was getting a bit frustrating, maybe even annoying at times, but it happened, to the best of them, for the worst reasons anyway. "A…

"I know, but I don't know that yet." Where would he even go? He could read, sure, he could read nameposts, and signs, and places, and other things, but he couldn't be anything exceptional to anyone. Someone like him was best housed here, in a place that collected freaks of nature like they were medals and badges to show off, like they were nothing more than the livelihood of this place, and in a way, they were. A circus was a body, a corpse, and it's performers it's organs, still-beating while e…

There wasn't an ounce of happiness left within him, frankly, he couldn't even piece together anything like this - he couldn't be pushy about it, but he knew that the Louis now and the Louis yesterday night ought to at least be two different people that couldn't coexist in a capacity that would give them both a voice to talk with. Maybe he deserved the other one, the one that laid all of his aches barren to him and told him that, if it would be it, he'd cut him to ribbons himself. "Hm?" He heard …

There he was, at his wits end, arrived at his last resort, to make things right, to talk to Louis and tell him that it was all his fault, that he'd made one mistake too many, that he longed to understand what really drove him, that he wanted to help him - but there was none of that now, there only was the silence that came with being shirked and cut out of the bigger picture, accompanied by the sound of a lock; definitely not to open the door. Jo leaned his own head on the other side of the door…

No, Louis was right, about every single little thing he said - it was like rubbing salt into an open gash, to make sure he hurt about it for a while, to bring the consequences to his own doorstep. Josiahs stomach turned at the thought; he'd never assumed it to be like that, and every single time he'd tried to make things right with him, he'd assumed that his friend wanted it too, but was just too shy to admit it. In the end, it was for his own selfish purposes of making sure everything was going…

Josiah had imagined many things to be waiting for him, but something was just simply ... off. Whatever it was, he couldn't know, but he could at least try and piece it together - if he was sound of mind, that was. Louis was stupid, always on edge, never talking about what was on his mind, but right now? Right now he ran his mouth like he couldn't get enough of it and like he needed to vent all frustrations and reservations he'd kept to himself for way too long - and it hit, if it hit earlier, ri…

He was perfectly fine here, mulling over things, considering things that hadn't even transpired yet, but he was thinking it through now - Louis wanted him to leave, and whether he left alive or dead didn't matter, not to him. Where would he go anyway? Look for his parents? He was here because they probably didn't want him, and Jo understood that fully well - right now, he didn't even want himself, he wanted nothing more than to rip his own head off from where it sat on his shoulders and kick it …

And all of that was deserved too. That was what he got for talking to Louis like that, and it was what he got for making a spur of the moment decision - he lay there, for a moment, at the bottom of the steps that Louis had cast him aside to and he knew, in that moment, that it didn't matter. He got back up and wiped his eyes dry, gave his clothes a pat and walked off - he didn't want to be here, because it meant that he'd have to be close enough to Louis to admit that, at first, it was a rouse; …

Josiahs brows were furled at this point and his own head a dash away from being a madder shade of red. This was going to hurt, he knew it, but nothing could have braced him for the impact that was about to hit im like a freight train. There was nowhere to go but up ahead from here - upward and onward, as they always said, and he let all of Louis' stupid insults and dumb excuses trickle on him like torrential rain would; in a pour, hard and hurtful, and not pretty at all, like someone was pelting…

Josiah grit his teeth, bit his bottom lip shortly thereafter and looked at Louis, almost bewildered, almost as if he'd lost it completely now - this man was off the rocker, or very close to go off of it, and now he was telling Josiah he shouldn't give a shit about him? What was wrong with him? "You change your mind every other minute.", he retaliated. Louis was never set on anything, and Jo wished desperately it were - there was no way to reel him back in, hell, there was no way to make himself …

Louis was the same as always - difficult, hard to please and not impossible to read like he seemingly wanted to be. There was something that had changed, alright, but that was that and here was now. Why would there be any reason for him to go anywhere, for him to keep evading a question as simple as this one? Not once had there been a need for him to keep his thoughts to himself, and not once had he had to think this much about something as silly as their current interaction - way back when, at …

"I''ll figure it out myself, then.", he told Louis with a smile that could only tell so much. In fact, there was nothing that he could tell him at all, and there wasn't anything that he had hoped to achieve with telling him that. Louis was, in the end, selfish to a fault and also busy, too. Neither of them should help the other in that regard, but Jo, ever the same, had hoped for some advice in any way. almost as if he wasn't sure on who to ask, or who it could be that wanted to give him a helpi…

There was nothing to compare this situation to, much like there was nothing to explain here. Jo wanted to talk to Louis, plain and simple, just tell him he wanted to perform tonight and that was that, but it also begged the question of who would look after Conny - who had time for that in the first place? Now his own head reeled, he hadn't thought this through, and he wasn't going to bank on having her fall asleep like last night. It simply wasn't possible. Perturbed, maybe even annoyed, he grun…

Lucy seemed to stir immediately and Jo felt bad for waking her in the first place - there theoretically wasn't even a need for it, and in preparation for the coming day, he'd completely forgotten that it wasn't worth waking her in the first place. "I ... ah ... before you came here yesterday ... no, not ... fuck ..." Jo looked better rested than the last day, but there definitely was a sense of urgency in the back of his mind, and he had so much to wrangle, all of a sudden. Was that why he'd bee…

Not all of that was something he'd take for granted - Jo was often secretive, even with himself, and letting someone into his temple of solace wasn't something he'd do because he needed to feel better about himself, but because he knew that some people just couldn't go where he was going anyway. Some of them didn't have the luxury of silence, of a moment of respite, but he had enough of that and often yearned for company instead, which was probably why he also indulged Lucy - tonight wasn't fun,…

"Mhm.", Jo dismissed it, simply for the fact that he really wasn't in the mood to dream about Louis, too. He had enough of this man for a night and keeping his thoughts occupied with him only spelled disaster - he'd be inadvertendly reminded of the fact that he was doing nothing but making himself feel paranoid over something entirely outside of his control, all the while he thought himself to be better than that in the same breath. "I appreciate it, I really do.", he told Lucy, knowing that a h…

He knew, too. There was something that he couldn't grasp, and no matter how hard he tried to understand Louis, it didn't work. Nothing got through to him, and when he thought he finally did, Louis started going on about the same crap again, like a broken record, as if he'd explode if nobody else said what he wanted to say to Josiah. Whyever he felt the need to do that, Jo couldn't say, but he knew he could only wait for so long before it would happen again. Maybe keeping away from Louis altogeth…

"It's not something we can control, really.", he reminded her, and he was right about it, too. Whoever the ringmaster deemed as useless, or no longer needed, would go and disappear into the night that nobody ever saw coming. Jo wasn't having it anymore - he didn't want to believe any of those lies any longer or be compliant to them, yet, he couldn't do anything else at the moment and was forced to just accept it for what it was. Was it fate? Was it something nobody could control? He wasn't sure,…