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To him, Louis was precious - like a gem in the rough, like a pile of gold built into a trailers walls, hidden away from prying eyes that only coveted these things to profit off of them. Perhaps, Josiah wasn't any different from them, but he was jealous and selfish, too, and he wanted nothing more than to have Lou close to him. The chance to taste ambrosia for but a moment - it had to be akin to that - was something he couldn't give up, and yet, even with that man in his arms, he was only looking…

When did he not? Josiah would never moke that which he loved, one would say, but he could see that he was hurting even now, be it not the tone of his voice but the certainty of the situation. All of them did, there was no arguing - Leila was one of theirs, another one of them that had to go, too soon, for reasons nobody should blame themselves for, knowing that the world would never stop to make grieving any easier, but move onward in spite of it, to remind everyone that more than one life was l…

With Louis adamance came his way of relenting - of knowing that there was no solace in these trailers, stacked together like townhouses on a unmapped hill, and Josiah knew himself well enough to be able to tell his own tall tale, of never wanting to leave this ghost town, even if it meant going down with it, in the epochs of yet another story, spread from one mouth to the other, like a kiss, or maybe even a disease. There he lay, the most beautiful man he'd ever had the misfortune of knowing, th…

With Louis in his bed and Josiah proud that he got him back there in one piece, he smiled at him, albeit quite spent and a bit exhausted. There was no easy way about this; there never would be, but at least they had one another to some capacity, could rely on themselves for just a little bit of help to get through a dire day, to get through the world that made them suffer, piece by piece, for months at a time. Now that he pulled a blanket over Louis, he couldn't help but wonder if the two of the…

What more could he do for Lou? How could he really understand what was going on? It was important he got him back - or close to back - first and then assessed the situation, in case there was anything he could do for Louis. What, if not out of here, was the best decision? If he couldn't leave and this wasn't a random episode, then there was another problem that Jo didn't quite grasp yet. Where would they ever be able to go, at some point, in a few years when all of this was not keeping them toge…

"I'm sorry. I get it. Just ... I can't.", he told Louis, and he'd mean it, he'd never not mean it when he said something - he put his money where his mouth was for a reason, and Josiah never had much money to himself in the first place, given that they all waited for the blissful days of getting an allowance from the ringmaster here and there. "Maybe I don't, maybe you are just saying things again, I don't know. I don't think it was your fault. Louis, these things happen, and even if it is your …

Again, he didn't understand. Would Louis ever give him the time of day, would he ever try to understand him? They both talked to each other, but instead of talking with one another, they simply talked around each other, as if they were running in circles, like a headless gaggle of crows. "I know you can't, it's okay, that's why I said I'll figure it out ... Somehow. But I can't ... I just can't trust you." Everything that Louis meant, in that very moment, might actually be him speaking the very …

How much longer? How many more? Josiah didn't want to listen, but he had to, there was no way, there was no choice for him to get out of this - he didn't want to disappoint Louis again, and in a way, he ought to do right by him. Didn't he owe Louis his life? To repay him would only be right, to do what he wanted him to do would be the best thing he could do, for the both of them, but Josiah was stubborn, much like Louis was. He felt like they were playing a game - one he couldn't win, no matter …

Was he supposed to cry? To mourn someone that stood right in front of him? To ask for forgiveness from someone that couldn't help him anymore, because no matter what, there was a clear barrier here? Louis tried his best, he tried to keep him save, he tried to do right by him, and Jo was the one that kicked it all down the drain, with the expectation that Lou would just let him, because he always did. "I can't.", he answered Lou with a whisper, as his own body felt like it was going to pull itsel…

Josiah didn't know what to expect, if anything. There was no way for them to leave, it seemed, not together at least, but Josiah didn't want to give up, either. He couldn't figure it out for the life of him, so he'd simply read the book again, then, as many times as it took, as long as it meant that he could actually come up with something for the both of them. This was getting a bit frustrating, maybe even annoying at times, but it happened, to the best of them, for the worst reasons anyway. "A…

"I know, but I don't know that yet." Where would he even go? He could read, sure, he could read nameposts, and signs, and places, and other things, but he couldn't be anything exceptional to anyone. Someone like him was best housed here, in a place that collected freaks of nature like they were medals and badges to show off, like they were nothing more than the livelihood of this place, and in a way, they were. A circus was a body, a corpse, and it's performers it's organs, still-beating while e…

There wasn't an ounce of happiness left within him, frankly, he couldn't even piece together anything like this - he couldn't be pushy about it, but he knew that the Louis now and the Louis yesterday night ought to at least be two different people that couldn't coexist in a capacity that would give them both a voice to talk with. Maybe he deserved the other one, the one that laid all of his aches barren to him and told him that, if it would be it, he'd cut him to ribbons himself. "Hm?" He heard …

There he was, at his wits end, arrived at his last resort, to make things right, to talk to Louis and tell him that it was all his fault, that he'd made one mistake too many, that he longed to understand what really drove him, that he wanted to help him - but there was none of that now, there only was the silence that came with being shirked and cut out of the bigger picture, accompanied by the sound of a lock; definitely not to open the door. Jo leaned his own head on the other side of the door…

No, Louis was right, about every single little thing he said - it was like rubbing salt into an open gash, to make sure he hurt about it for a while, to bring the consequences to his own doorstep. Josiahs stomach turned at the thought; he'd never assumed it to be like that, and every single time he'd tried to make things right with him, he'd assumed that his friend wanted it too, but was just too shy to admit it. In the end, it was for his own selfish purposes of making sure everything was going…

Josiah had imagined many things to be waiting for him, but something was just simply ... off. Whatever it was, he couldn't know, but he could at least try and piece it together - if he was sound of mind, that was. Louis was stupid, always on edge, never talking about what was on his mind, but right now? Right now he ran his mouth like he couldn't get enough of it and like he needed to vent all frustrations and reservations he'd kept to himself for way too long - and it hit, if it hit earlier, ri…

He was perfectly fine here, mulling over things, considering things that hadn't even transpired yet, but he was thinking it through now - Louis wanted him to leave, and whether he left alive or dead didn't matter, not to him. Where would he go anyway? Look for his parents? He was here because they probably didn't want him, and Jo understood that fully well - right now, he didn't even want himself, he wanted nothing more than to rip his own head off from where it sat on his shoulders and kick it …

And all of that was deserved too. That was what he got for talking to Louis like that, and it was what he got for making a spur of the moment decision - he lay there, for a moment, at the bottom of the steps that Louis had cast him aside to and he knew, in that moment, that it didn't matter. He got back up and wiped his eyes dry, gave his clothes a pat and walked off - he didn't want to be here, because it meant that he'd have to be close enough to Louis to admit that, at first, it was a rouse; …

Josiahs brows were furled at this point and his own head a dash away from being a madder shade of red. This was going to hurt, he knew it, but nothing could have braced him for the impact that was about to hit im like a freight train. There was nowhere to go but up ahead from here - upward and onward, as they always said, and he let all of Louis' stupid insults and dumb excuses trickle on him like torrential rain would; in a pour, hard and hurtful, and not pretty at all, like someone was pelting…

Josiah grit his teeth, bit his bottom lip shortly thereafter and looked at Louis, almost bewildered, almost as if he'd lost it completely now - this man was off the rocker, or very close to go off of it, and now he was telling Josiah he shouldn't give a shit about him? What was wrong with him? "You change your mind every other minute.", he retaliated. Louis was never set on anything, and Jo wished desperately it were - there was no way to reel him back in, hell, there was no way to make himself …

Louis was the same as always - difficult, hard to please and not impossible to read like he seemingly wanted to be. There was something that had changed, alright, but that was that and here was now. Why would there be any reason for him to go anywhere, for him to keep evading a question as simple as this one? Not once had there been a need for him to keep his thoughts to himself, and not once had he had to think this much about something as silly as their current interaction - way back when, at …