bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

"But it bothers you?", he asked for clarification. Perhaps it did. Maybe it shouldn't. Yujin couldn't speak for Richard and vice versa, he could only estimate what was on his mind, and he could only hope that that would eventually change, be it now or in the near future. Who was to say that nobody ever changed? To him, the world was stagnant and everything was the same - but Yujin knew that others weren't like that, and that Richard was far from that in the first place; he'd get better, he had to, and once that happened, perhaps he'd be the one to grow tired of a life that alway stayed the same, by a man that could never truly change. Was he scared of that? Even if, the fear that he felt was nothing short of idiotic for many reasons, be it that he wasn't taking himself seriously, or that every single movement in his body was but a reaction to things that he didn't expect them to be. "We can try something new as soon as you feel up for it, that way you slowly can come out of your shell ... sounds good?" Taking Richard out of the castle, well, that wouldn't work, but Yujin had his own set of ideas anyway and he'd make those work, he'd always done so. What would stop him? Some ice? Sure, as if. Not even Richard could if he truly put his mind toward something, and he knew that - at least Yujin hoped that he did.

"He'll answer your letter, and I'm sure he has his reasons for staying. Parents are weird sometimes, you know! Maybe he just thinks this for the best? But I'm not him, I can't say.", he tried to cheer Richard up. Why would Nayantai leave him, though? Yujin knew precious little about this man, a blur in the back of his head, a ghostly figure he'd never truly met - it was odd to make sense of, perhaps even weird to think about when he couldn't even recall this man name, but it was everything he had, for both himself and Richard. "I'm nice to everyone.", Yujin answered, smiling at Richard with an air of serenity around him; it was true. Yujin was like that one pup among all wolves that always needed to know everything, eternally curious and open for so many things, even if he shouldn't be, simply because he ought to be different than all the others, ready to get out of his shell if he needed to; not that he had one in the first place. He chuckled aloud. "We are whatever you want us to be, and if that means we're a couple, we're that. And if you just want me to be your friend, we're just that. Look, you're overthinking this. I'm not pressed to go back to how things were if you need time - we have a lot of that, we're pretty young, you know? And I don't remember much. Imagine how you'd feel if you had to explain our relationship to me every morning when I wake up next to you - it wouldn't be easy on you, but I think you'd do it, because you love me. I'm just doing the same. And if I'm that desperate to get intimate, I have two working hands.", he made sure that Richard understood, that he wouldn't be haunted by any grievances over this situation that had done so much to both of them. It was silly to be afraid, and yet ... what else was he to do? "Good idea." Yujin already sprawled himself out on the bed and left a spot for Richard. "I hope you dream something nice and maybe I'll ... actually, before we go to bed, I have a question. Do you even want me to remember who you were?"

"I don't want to be this weak.", Richard answered. He wanted to be normal, even if there wasn't much to go to here in Silesse. But he was scared of leaving this castle, he was even scared of walking the hallways alone. He knew most people didn't survive the climate here or at least lost the ability to fight, but those rats from Ollette found their ways, they might just pay someone who wasn't scared of Shuren. Richard clung to Yujin a bit more, as if that was enough to protect him here. Richard was scared, Ares was still alive and he didn't trust Lucien either, no matter that the helped saving them, it surely was only to further his own goals, probably to marry Dayan and get the whole kingdom. And then? What crazy plan would he come up with next? "Mhm..." Richard wanted to show Yujin his scars and the rest of his body, but he didn't want to promise something he might not want to do tomorrow, so he kept it for himself for now.

"He probably wants to stay with Dayan... and he probably thinks I hate him... and that being close to him might hurt me..." That was his own fault, he was the one that couldn't look at him. He was the one that freaked out. He hated himself for it. Yujin was nice to everyone and he'd take in every stray kitten no matter if it was mortified or feisty. Did he even like Richard, or did he just try to save everyone. "I don't know what we are... but I really wouldn't mind if you want to have some fun..." Yujin might have not wanted to hear it right now, but maybe if he was in the situation, he remembered Richards words. "I do...", he answered honestly even if it hurt Yujin. "You'd know who you fell in love with... and how I changed. I loved you so much, but I couldn't see it... love... no I don't know, everything feels different now." He wasn't ready to love anyone at this moment, he wanted to be close to Yujin, but he relied on him, that was different...

"You'll heal.", Yujin replied. Both of them would, from their own traumas, in their own ways, at their own pace, even if they currently buried their issues in the bowels of their own machinations, Yujin knew as well as Richard that every wound left a scar eventually and sometimes, those scars would even fade; if they didn't, that was another thing that Yujin couldn't influence, but by whatever was holy to Richard, he just wouldn't let him hang like that. He deserved more - he always did, and there was no reason to alienate him from any experience like that. Richard was brittle in his current state, much like a pair of broken bones, but honestly? Perhaps it was right like that. What if he needn't bee strong and didn't need anyone else? Yujin was happy to have him as is, to keep him comfortable and to wait for him to come to terms with whatever it was that needed it. Pain, though, was the last thing he wanted this guy to feel for a multitude of reasons, even if it had already happened and he couldn't change the past. "I can try slapping some salve on?", he jokingly suggested, but meant every word of it.

"We won't know until he tells us himself. Don't worry ... I don't think it's like that. Deep down he knows you don't hate him. Dads are like that, but they'd rather see themselves suffer than anyone else." Yujin didn't mean it in the grand scheme of things, but he couldn't remember a time where he wasn't watching Muhan take the fall for one of them; he'd always come up with something to get Shuren to be more lenient with the four of them, be it because they'd coated the entire kitchen in flour, or because they'd simply lost any kind of button from their clothing among some of the cupboards they had been playing between. "That sounds like you want me to go outside and have fun just so you have some time for yourself.", he teased. "You can say it if you want to be alone for a bit, but I won't go and fuck some other person just because you think I need it. I'm fine, I promise.", he assured Richard once more and then, he was lost in thought yet again. What would it bring if not destruction? It was awful in its own way, it always would be. "I'll try, then. Whoever you were, I want to remember, and whoever I was, I want to know, too. I'm just fearful we both won't like who I used to be.", he sighed, but what did it matter? Perhaps, just maybe, he was still a joy to be around regardless and Yujin was afraid for nothing. Against all odds, he put his arm around Richard and pulled him close. "It'll get better, and I'll make sure you'll feel like that again. And I'll hold you accountable this time ... but for now, I think we both should sleep. Sound good?" Yujin closed his eyes and smiled, he ruffled through Richards hair. "And until we have it figured out, I'll protect you. I promise."

"I think it's too late for salve...", Richard mumbled, hugging Yujin. He said to many nice things, but in a way Richard wondered if he did that just because he didn't want Richard to cry. "I don't want to be alone... I just want you to live." He was fine on his own for a bit, he had plenty things to do after all and he'd been fine today too when Yujin went out with his friends. "I always liked you..." Richard was the one who changed so much. How could Yujin fall for the Richard of the past and also for him now? He was totally different after all. Richard nodded, sleep sounded good and he cuddled closer than he already was. Yujin was always so warm and not having him in his bed felt cold and empty. The blankets did only so much. Richard closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He was tired enough and Yujin had had a long day out as well, drinking and smoking and having fun. Richard slept through half the day, but he had little energy to spare anyhow.

The next day Richard joined Yujin with his training again, or rather he watched and ate a tiny breakfast, then walked a few rounds through the courtyard to get back some stamina at least, while Yujin trained with his father. As mostly Richard looked closely, imagining how he'd approach Muhan to beat him, his hand twitching slightly, remembering the feeling of a sword in his hand, but he never picked one up, nor did he ask if he could join. As he was now he wasn't strong enough for any of this and he wondered if he'd ever hold a sword again in the first place. Last time didn't work out very well. When Yujin was done he came over to Richard, sweaty and exhausted from the morning training and he usually took a bath after. Today Richard grabbed Yujins sleeve, he was determined to take another step today. "Can I... join...?", he asked him carefully. He was ready to show Yujin his body and how he changed. He gained some weight, but he was still very thin and pale. Well, he'd always been pale.

Yujin wasn't going to agonize about things that had to keep happening anyway - what he was, perpetually, quite on the fence about was whatever was happening around him and just how much of it was truly and surely going to be his responsibility. All in all, why did he bother with that? Richard was right, he was partially wrong, this was how these things went and he was going to sleep like a log regardless, was it not so? And yet, he was giggling like a little girl. "We'll figure that out ... and, you did? Careful now." Someone was going to hear that and spread rumors about the two of them, though, it was unlikely and neither of them were out and about doing anything right now, which also meant that no one would procure any gossip on the second prince and his mysterious lover that, for better or for worse, was loved so intensely by him, he'd one day scream it from the rooftops of his own castle, lest it would melt under the warmth of his affection. Yujin soon faded, his consciousness but a puzzle, left for his dreams to pick apart and his own mind to dissect. Whatever could one find in there? Probably an enigma and plethora of things, of colors he hardly even knew the name of, and yet, at the same time, nothing seemed as if it were impossible.

The next morning proved to be regular and nothing out of the ordinary happened - Yujin embarrassed himself in front of Muhan, and that was that, as if the two of them hadn't played that game five million times before. It was a tango, quite endless at best, and their back and forth proved to be quite the hardship. Revelry was something he hadn't earned, and skill wasn't something he was born with, thus, he worked on things he'd never considered before and chiseled away at them as if they would fix him, magically so, down to every waking moment that he spent with Richard. Was he ever going to get the hang of this? Yujin wasn't one to despair about it, but he was one to giggle and laugh whenever his father told him that he'd lost, or that his flank was wide open, and if this were a real fight, he'd be lying on the floor now, graveously injured, bleeding out. Still, he was spent, especially after he got in what he believed to be his own series of hits, only to be thrown back onto his ass and for his father to correct every bit of him - Muhan seemed like he was slightly on edge today, or perhaps just fed up with the lack of progression, and yet, it went over without much of a hitch. As he wiped the sweat off of his forehead with some cloth and was about to beeline for the baths, he was stopped in his tracks. Yujin looked at Richard, slightly confused, before he couldn't help it but start grinning. "Join me?", his voice was hushed, yet as elated as ever. "Always.", he laughed, and without even stopping, pulled Richard closer and shuffled off with him, to the baths. The moment he shut the giant doors behind them, he was sure to lock them, not because he himself wanted something, but rather for Richards own wellbeing, so nobody would spy. "You are sure you want this?", Yujin asked again, but he already was taking off his own clothing.

Yujin was happy and loud as ever and while Richard wanted to be pulled into all of that joy, he didn't quite manage to be, but he was still determined to follow him with a smile. They walked through the hallways and Richard wondered if he'd get cold feet, but he didn't, only literally, because this castle was way too cold outside of his room. The baths were the only other place he didn't shiver in and when they entered he enjoyed the humid air around them. Yujin closed the door, Richard appreciated it, overall he felt more save with every single door and window locked, especially when he wanted to do something like showing his scars and general weakened body. "Mhm.", Richard answered with a nod and then stepped further in, behind a paper wall that was supposed to obscure anyone changing in and out of clothes. "Can you... go on ahead?", he asked Yujin. He didn't mind seeing him naked and apparently Yujin didn't mind that either. He looked stronger than when they met, all that training showed.

Once Yujin ventured of into the hot water, Richard took a deep breath. He opened up the sash on his clothes and then let them drop to the floor. They were too big for him anyway so they slided right of. Richard barely looked at himself most of the time, this body felt foreign, as if it wasn't his and it was scary too. Suddenly his heart sank to his stomach, but he told himself that he was save and if it turned Yujin off, it'll be for the better and they could end all of this quickly. Yujin didn't need to pretend anymore and Richard didn't have to ask himself if this was right any longer. Eventually, without his clothes, he stepped out again and got into the bath as well, silently so. He moved forward a bit and despite the hot water, he still felt cold and hugged himself a bit. He reached Yujin and tabbed on his shoulder to make him aware that he was here now. Richard didn't even know what to say. He was just standing there waiting for a shocked or judgemental gaze, by just seeing his upper body a little bit, mostly emerged in water and it wasn't as bad as his back.