eat your young (earinor & marquis)

"No, no! That's not what I meant, I'm not blaming you, I'm just saying I could use a break tonight after the show and... I'd rather not be alone.", she quickly told Jo after he seemed to feel responsible for her stressful day. "She's... She won't eat or come out of her trailer. I'm... I'm sure she just needs some time." Conny was everything but fine, she blamed herself for what happened to Leila and she was angry and disappointed about how her body was handled, how she just vanished. Lucy understood that feeling and she blamed Louis too. How could he be so cold when an old friend of his died like that? How was he not scrambling like the others all did? Then again, James and Mara likewise acted all normal and so did the other group Louis got so cozy with. He was mainly annoyed they were missing an act. "Me? I'm... Tired and... We can talk later okay? I don't want to start crying shortly before we open the gates..." Where was Louis? The schedule wasn't even updated yet and she didn't see him get changed either. "I'd prefer if you took it slow... And some medicine won't hurt, whether it helps or not. I'll bring some later then when I come by, okay?" Jo always overdid it and took too much responsibility. He didn't need to perform today, even Louis agreed to that, otherwise Jo would have been put on the schedule and be informed.

Roy made Louis nervous as he started to circle him as if he was one of their caged animals. Louis didn't look at him, he just sat there unsure of what to think or what to do while also trying to stop whatever change would happen soon enough. "If you want to help then answer my damn questions...", Louis let out, he wasn't interested in riddles or games but he was a fool if he expected something meaningful from Roy of all people. None of them would answer Louis questions, or help in any other way, to them he was just easy to pick on and play with. "I know you're not human now, I can see you... Why am I different?", he asked his question anyway, but he didn't expect an answer. Not a helpful one at least. All he got was laughter, which prompted Louis to look up. What did that mean? That Roy could leave here at will? Or was he just playing another game? "What's so funny?", Louis asked upset. He got up, he had enough already and he wasn't willing to deal with Roys mood.

This wasn’t right - to Jo it didn’t feel right, at least. He ran away from his responsibilities like a blundering fool, because of a simple injury and his inability to take no for an answer. All that did was make the others worry for him; Louis was worried, the one that everyone already considered not worth their time, and Lucy was, too, much like the others were when he put on a brave act in front of them like he always ought to, especially when he wasn’t feeling good. “It’s alright, and that’s … it’s fine. Just come by my trailer, okay? No need to spend the night alone.” Not when both of them were shirking their duties and had forced their liabilities on other people, likely equally tired of the endless back and forth they found themselves in, now that emotions ran at an all-time high. Jo mustered a smile, despite his otherwise weary expression, trying in earnest to change the situation for the better - even if only for a moment. “Mhm, I wouldn’t want that. There’s plenty of time left after the performance, too.”, Jo responded, politely denying either of them the rest of that tear-jerking conversation that kept running in circles as well. Was it right to just ignore it for now? Well, he’d ignored everything else in favor of this, therefore … “Fine. But I’ll make it up to you sometime, even if it isn’t tonight.”, he promised Lucy with his whole chest, beaming ever so slightly about it before he reached out for a strand of her loose hair and tucked it behind her ear. “You should get some rest if you can, though.” She could use it, like all of them could.

Roy wasn’t any different than Alice, or just about anyone of their group - to wear their secrets on their sleeve would, in an uncontrolled environment, likely spell death. To do it here, where they had a watchful eye boring into their necks at all times, just meant that they couldn’t spell it out, even if they wanted to, or suddenly found means to do so and therefore, Louis’ entire behest fell on a pair of forcefully deafened ears, ones that could still hear the desperate plea hidden within a mundane question, only to wash it out into the vast ocean of non-answers and misleading half-truths. “Would if I could, m’dear Louis. Not like ya got anything outta that lass Alice last time, didn’t ya?”, Roy snorted - their eyes and ears were truly everywhere, and if one were to flaunt their secrets by bypassing whatever it was that urged them to simply not, their comrades in arms and brothers and sisters would be quick to rat them out instead, be it for the promise of glory or a succulent meal. “Yer not one of us, but also no longer one of ‘em. ‘S like, let’s see … right. When a caterpillar eats a bunch it cocoons itself, then it eventually emerges as a butterfly of some sort? But ‘s long as it’s in the damn cocoon, you don’t know if it’s more of a caterpillar still, or already more of a butterfly, ya? So, let’s say yer friends are caterpillars, ‘n me and Alice and aaaall the other guys we spend our time with are butterflies, ye’re like, the damn cocoon. ‘S that help ya, lad?” As Louis got up, so did Roy, mooching onto him and putting an arm around his shoulder like they’d always been best buddies - it was an uncanny sight to behold for sure. “Yer questions, bud. Can’t go around asking the tongueless when and why they lost theirs, can ya now? Try readin’ between the lines from now on, ya know nobody will be able to give ya a simple straight yes or no answer for these things. I can try, I guess. I have time.”

Lucy was happy Jo listened to her and wanted to spend some time alone. Maybe it was selfish to hog him for herself tonight, but sometimes it was alright to be selfish. "You don't have to make anything up to me.", she smiled. Jo looked happy for once, the last couple weeks, even before the accident, had been rough on him and Lucy rather saw him smile. Her cheeks turned red when he tugged her hair behind her ear, she was selfish in this moment too. For a few seconds she met Josiahs gaze and her heart skipped a beat. Then the moment was over and she smiled and nodded. "I'll bring some food too, we can have dinner together, have some fun, okay?" They all always ate late, only when their guests were gone. Sometimes there were leftovers nobody bought and it was better than what they usually ate. Maybe she'd find some warm corn with butter or something of that sort and they could enjoy it together, maybe talk about something else for once, not Conny or Leila, or Louis, just something boring and normal or about the good old times when they were young snd blind to all the problems around them. "I'll go now.", she smiled and madd true to her word to get dressed for the show.

"Alice didn't want to help me, because I don't have anything to give her that she wants, she made that very clear...", Louis sighed. Her warning was a game to her too. At first he thought she wanted to be nice, maybe be friends and the others sans Roy laughed at her for approaching Louis, but in the end they probably all laughed about Louis misunderstanding her warning. The ringmaster likewise just wanted to teach him a lesson, he now knew what happened if he denied him. Maybe it was unfair of him to out his friends life over another, but the truth was that he would sacrifice all of those children for his friends sake. "Butterflies?", Louis scoffed at the analogy. He understood it, but claiming they were anything like a butterfly was the joke of the century. They were demons of some sort, devils, whatever the deep depths of hell spit out. "It's been so many years, why am I still neither", he asked. Not that he wanted to become fully a part of them, right now he was sure he'd lose himself and only be that other thing. "And why didn't he save Leila? Why me?" She'd been an asset to this circus, but maybe that was just another lesson for Louis. It wouldn't have hit as hard as it did like this and maybe death was the better fate anyway. Roys arm on his shoulder was heavy, but Louis didn't push him off. His head stung for a moment, Louis flinched, he never tried to fight changing this much, usually it either happened or lately he just let it happen anyway, but right now he didn't want it, not one bit, not after hurting Jo so much. Holding his head he looked at Roy, whom's intentions he couldn't make out. "I'll vanish if that... Transformation... Is done, won't I?" They'd lose their toy, now that his other self changed as well, or was there multiple? He wasn't sure who the real him was anymore.

Spending time alone with someone during moments like these was almost like sounding a whistle that, for one reason or another, made it clear to him and all the others that they were indulging too much, enjoying too much of this life that, at times, seemed so fleeting and Jo, always the same and never truly one to get caught in the moment knew that it didn't help to brood about these things. "Are you sure? I'd feel bad." People died, they really did, and while Leila was no more, Conny was still here - what would Leila think of this bonafide mess? Josiah couldn't speak for her, the dead were simply not capable of that much, but having known her quite well in life, he was sure that she wouldn't want it to be like this. Lucy, likewise, seemed to be tired of the gloom of the last few days, of the heavy curtain that hung above their heads, tepid and dripping, and weighed all of them down by simply being there, spreading sorrow throughout every nook and cranny of the circus, from the big tent to the trailers to the cuts and scratches in the plates from which they ate their meals; everything was steeped. "I ... alright. You really want me to rest." Why trample over that decision? There was nothing he could feasibly do with aching joints and bones, really - if they were almost broken, most of his program would most definitely snap them in half. "Take care, and see you later." With that they parted, and Jo had to make up his mind where he wanted to go for now.

"Oh? Did she now? Or is that just what you think that lass wants?", he snorted, sounding ever so slightly perturbed by the realization that Alice had truly turned Louis down - she was a though one to crack, always in her own world at times, and even when she wasn't, she preferred to keep a healthy distance between her and the rest of them, despite being one and the same. What a weird woman that one was ... "Best allegory I could'a come up with, I tell ya. Not that it's like that an'way, 's a bit more painful than just some dandy little morphosis like that, ya know? Hardly feel it and being aaall save in that stupid cocoon my ass, 's a world of hurt after all.", Roy made clear soon enough, pulling Louis ever so slightly closer with the arm he had around him after all. Whatever it was that drew him to the halfbreed, he had his fun, and for all the amusement he received from the interaction, he ought to reward the diligent worker that groweled at his feet for information - the wrong guy, unfortunately, because much like Louis, Roy was a pawn as well in this ringmasters game of chess against nobody, really. "Well, ya don't wanna be what we are an'way, don'tcha?" Not that Louis would fit with them, even if he tried. "'S not my place to call the shots for that, but maybe he's got enough mouths 'ta feed, and ya know, I think yer the last guy he did it to, and it didn't work out like he wanted it to. If that were me, I don't think I'd try it again so soon either." He had more than a single human lifetime ahead of him, and while Roy weighed Louis down, heavy as two blocks of lead tied to his ankles as he was thrown in a river, he moseyed around with him, still, somewhat curious about all of this himself. "Ya know, maybe. The caterpillar's still in the butterfly, but their behavior changes a whoooole lot, right? All I know is that I never felt better afterward, almost like ya take off yer burdens and keep on grinning for the sake of it. It's fun, I don't think ya'd hate it, but I doubt yer little friend would find that Louis much fun.", Roy snickered, almost amused over the astute observation. "Why not ditch him? Throw him out with yer bare hands, if ya wanna keep him safe so badly. That way there's no chance he'll end up like you, or me, even. Ya wouldn't want that, would ya? And if he died, yer'd blame yerself."

"Didn't you all find that very funny, that I was protecting the wrong one? That the wrong one died? She knew, I am sure you did too...", Louis let out through grid teeth. His headache grew worse but he refused to give in. They could have told him, Alice led him astray but it was his own fault for listening to her. Even after all that Louis still felt bad for losing his temper and pushing her, but her grin then told him that that was the reaction she looked for from the start. Roy wasn't any different, Louis couldn't trust him despite him seeking Louis out and offering help. In the end, was it really his fault for being like this, when he truly was msde into his self now just like Louis? He'd experienced what it would be like, he was sure his self now would vanish completely. He lost his grip and now this thing inside of him grew stronger. Once he welcomed the shows and the times of peace and respite, when he could just have fun and enjoy the night without being disturbed by all his woes abd worries, but now that changed. The joy he felt then was different, he didn't forget, he simply didn't care and that scared him.

Roy pulled him closer and Louis was desperate enough to listen to him tonight, even though he should know better. In truth it just felt good to be able to talk at all, without so many constrictions and with someone that knew enough to understand what Louis was talking about, apparently even what he went through just now. "I don't want to stop caring about my friends." They were more than that, they were family, they grew up together and never had anyone else. Louis looked at Roy again, maybe he just gave him more information than he ought to, or maybe it was another game. "What do you mean it didn't work out like he wanted it to?", he asked. So maybe it did take longer than it ought. As for Josiah, it would kill him if Louis stopped fighting, he was sure, no matter which side of him won, then again even how he was now was slowly grinding Jo down to his bones. All what Roy said rung true, it hit a bit too close to home. "He'd rather die than lose me one way or the other..." Not that Louis didn't try to ditch him, to get him to leave and never look back, but no matter what he tried Josiah stuck to him and Louis himself couldn't leave. The pounding headache got worse and Louis closed his eyes.

Finally freed from his human shackles Louis snatched the knife from Roy. Magicians, pickpocket, frauds, they had the same skillset and Louis hands were swift. He was able to steal someones glasses from their face without them noticing and it was equally easy to steal Roys knife right under his nose and likewise hold it against his throat right after. "Don't think I can't see through your games. I might be held back by this one, but you're still fucking with me. Using my vulnerability isn't very nice and I want answers myself." Without telling Roy everything, especially not about Josiah. Louis was still the same person and even though his other self didn't realize, he shared his emotions and thoughts and couldn't completely ignore them. He just didn't have a problem telling people off, maybe he even enjoyed causing mischief, but that didn't mean he'd let Roy have his way. He also didn't have a problem teaching that runt a lesson and get some answers his own way. He didn't care about consequences, maybe he was even curious when he slit Roys throat and heard nothing but gurgling when he dropped to the floor. So he did actually bleed, how insightful.

Louis opened his eyes, knife in hand and blood on his hands, face and clothes. "That wasn't..." he mumbled toneless. That wasn't him, his hands shook, but his headache had stopped for the moment. Closing and opening his eyes didn't change the sight before him. He started to hear some noise approaching though, it was late and the gates would open shortly. He wasn't thinking much, but for now he grabbed Roys arms and dragged him through the mud. He was heavy and it took longer than he wanted to to drag him to a trailer that housed some tools. He hoisted him inside and locked the door. It started raining too, bloddy, muddy and sweaty Louis leaned against the door and tried to catch his breath. "Fine, you win...", he mumbled, he couldn't host the show, there was no way. Again he closed his eyes, inviting whatever lived inside of him in.

Louis arrived late to the tent, he was wet from the rain and the mud hopefully made the blood less obvious, it was hard to see on his dark clothes anyway. Louis was fine and he told others asking as much, then excused himself to quickly get himself cleaned and dress. He opted for a mask tonight instead of makeup and he already had a plan as to how to replace Roys act tonight as well. When he was asked where Roy was he simply said he didn't know but since he wasn't there in time, his act would be canceled tonight.

Louis was like a docile tiger, and the cage was pretty damn sturdy - Roy had his fun with him, and while he knew he ought to be earnest, to spill his guts in front of him would be considered a weakness and he’d earn no laurels from his friends if he simply didn’t play the game, too. Every single day at the circus was a chore, one big enough to make him seek out thrills, and yet, this one took him by surprise - it reeled him in, tore at him thereafter and then reminded him that why, he was clearly teetering to close to that edge he was supposed to avoid. There wasn’t anything more that he could do to answer Louis questions, in fact, the moment he was faced with his own blade at his throat, he realized that he’d been too careless around the little monster, and maybe he regretted it - maybe he didn’t care enough, but in the end, it hardly mattered. Roy grinned and welcomed the warm surge of blood that spilled from him, not running his blabbering mouth any longer as he found himself falling into a deep slumber, outside of this worlds confines - he’d be back soon enough.

How much time had passed? It couldn’t have been long, but the cold hand that rested on his face told him everything - he wasn’t alone, and he wasn’t dead either - not that it would ever be that easy, anyway. “Roy.” “Yes, yes, I know, not slacking on the job.” There was a tinge of sage in the air, as pitter-patter raindrops hit the cheap window panes in the trailer he found himself in. All around him, the very air was whispy, yet thick like smoke that stung in his eyes and made bile rise at the back of his throat - his body, kept alive by sheer will, felt painfully light and the blurry lines he made out in front of him sent a shiver across his body in waves, one after the other. “Why, pray tell, are you here, then?”, the stern voice asked, now easier to discern as he had taken needle and threat to the gash in his throat and expertly stitched them back together, much like Roy were just one of many dolls given to children, ruined by their rough play and now in need of a quick fix before he was usable and back to his old self again. “Yer mutt.”, he spoke with a grimace on his face - the irony of those words wasn’t lost on the “old” man, but the next stitch pricked more than just his skin. “I taught you to speak in complete sentences, didn’t I?” “Yer mutt fucking cut me up!” A heavy sigh came from the lone figure who’s work … desk? Bench? He had been hoisted upon. “The way you’re acting tells me you’d have been fine without me stitching you back up.” There was nothing but silence after, and by the time Roy was done, he’d already sat up and gotten off the ringmaster’s table, gazing at him with dilated pupils and an elevated pulse - he should be fine, but the smell in here was always something grotesque. “Rest. You will need it, little lamb.” “I’ll beat the shi-“ “No such thing will happen.” Another deep pause followed and the ringmaster looked at him, making himself understood. What the fuck did Louis need that mans protection for? Roy balled his hands to fists, grit his teeth and looked at the bane of his existence, right there, on his rickety throne. “Don’t get me wrong, now.” What? “It’s none of my concern how any of you spend your free time, naturally. If you want to beat him to a pulp, fine, as long as he survives it. I don’t want to stitch anyone back together, just because you can’t keep your emotions in check, or whatever it was that caused this to happen. Do as you see fit, as long as it’s not something that’ll end up in my vicinity, it’s none of my business.” “Fine.”, Roy scoffed, fixing his damp clothes and slipping into his heavy boots - beating up Louis wouldn’t suffice to pay him back, though. Well, he’d come up with something - he already had an idea as he left the trailer, swallowing deeply as he returned to where his friends were.

Josiah, like Lucy had suggested to him, flocked to Mara that night and asked to help her, but soon found that she’d already had a helper of her own, found by chance as today’s schedule seemed to have shifted wildly, or at least was deviating from the standard programming that most of them were so used to. When would it end? Jo wanted nothing more than a bit of normalcy in this damned tent and home, just a moment of respite that they all were craving at this point, and yet, instead, he was standing there and helping some people with their make-up, making idle banter with them as they all shared whatever gossip it was that they found noteworthy. All of this, well, it was back to normal in the blink of an eye, except for … no, it didn’t matter now, not when he was having a decent time, not when he was enjoying himself for the time being. “You know, your hair’s a bit of a mess.”, one of them pointed out and Jo sighed. Truly, it was. “I haven’t had time to-“ “Don’t worry, it’s just …” Noticeable because he always was on top of that and took care of everything first things first? “Forget about it. Do you think you could try doing something like that to me sometime?” “Huh?” There was a pause, then a chuckle. “Dye them, I mean! I would like that … and I think it would be fun if some of us had hair like that, you know? It’s not often you see that stuff.” Josiah snorted. “If you want me to, I’ll try.” “Deal, then! … Oh, I should get ready, thank you Jo!” And with that, she hurried off - well, the least he could do was clean up, then - Louis got his stuff under control, and after all, he was so diligent, he probably could use a helping hand in some regards.

Louis made do with the people he had left for the show. Josiah was better off resting and Roy... well, it was fine either way, the guests were happy and Louis was too. As always he wished the guests a happy evening when they left the big tent, mostly to go home, some to make one last trip around the circus to buy some sweets or a present for their children. It didn't take long for the last person to leave and Louis closed the big gates to their home. As soon as they were closed, as was usual, he snapped back and immediately his legs gave in. He was hit with the realization of what he had done once more. Roy had looked very dead, even though Louis somehow suspected that it wouldn't be as easy to kill a shadowy monster like him. He had to take a look and thus hoisted himself up, sneaking through the circus, avoiding everyone as best he could. Most of them went to get some food anyway and Louis snuck back to the trailer to... find it empty? Louis rushed inside, looking around, as if a corpse could hide in one of the chests on its own, but there was nothing to be found, besides a good amount of blood on the floor. He should at least clean that up and he did as fast as he could. Was he going to check with the others? Did he want to face them or Roy if he was truly still walking around? If anything he should probably apologize. He'd rather just hide in his trailer, away from everyone, but he hated not to know what was going on and thus he slowly and carefully went to their bunch of trailers that stood a bit further back of their camp.

Lucy completed her work for the day, her show went well and when she caught a glimpse of the children or Josiah, they seemed to have done well too. As soon as she could she left the busy area and went back to the kitchen where James was beginning to bring some leftover food over from Maras workplace. Lucy greeted him and James handed over the good stuff with a smile. Some hot buns, some sausages and grilled corn. Happily Lucy took it all, usually she would hand over most to the children, but not tonight, she wanted to treat Josiah and herself a little bit. Everything was packed up in a paper bag and she ran over to Josiahs trailer, which was open as he had said. It was empty still, but that was even better. Lucy ignited the oil lamp inside and cleaned up Josiahs table a bit, so she could put down two plates and their food. Hopefully he'd be here soon so they could enjoy it still warm.

Back on his feet, Roy felt less than elated - he had bits and pieces of a plan, yet that didn’t change anything about the encounter he’d just had. In the end, he’d lost, against someone that was lesser than all of them, and the anger that seeped out of him like black tar at this moment wasn’t just because of Louis’ apprehensive nature, no. The reminder the ringmaster had given him served as less than laurels - they were a heavy, rough noose that snaked itself around his neck and the steady ground he’d formerly walked on transformed into a wobbly podium that he tiptoed on. Where and how would it hurt Louis the most? That was one of the first questions he had asked himself as his heavy steps resounded in the mud around him, soaking up all that rain that had started falling earlier - by the time the show was over, the night air was crisp and cold, and Roy was had gotten a change of clothes as his friends and family alike gathered around him to marble at the to-be scar on his neck. Nothing would heal in a days time, not even for them - they were starved demons after all, with little opportunity to truly feast to their hearts desire. It was a maddening design, but one that kept the circus going - and for that, they secluded themselves, lest they’d hunger for another poor soul in this godawful place, if only to keep some of their dignity.

Now that they’d gathered here, around a small fire, they were cooking their own dinner and sharing some sort of jolly banter, all pretty much aware of what happened, one way or another. Roy sat there, they’d draped a blanket over his shoulders and saw to it that he’d be fine, and Ruth was the one that kept a watchful but stern gaze over him, reprimanding him for getting involved, for picking too many of his own fights at times and for making all of them worry for nothing. “Ay, it’s not that bad, lass.”, he sighed, grabbing the spoon from her. “You look horrid, and that says something.”, she sneered at him, but there was nothing else to add when another pair of footsteps invited itself to their pity party - Roy looked up as he heard a few humphs and sighs, and Ruths sneer. Before he could even get a word in, the woman barked at Louis for him. “And what makes you think you’re welcome this side of the trailers?”, she questioned him, her gaze a load-bearing one, murderous intent quite clear in her eyes.

With the clean-up out of the way, Jo couldn’t help himself but check in on both the children once more and then Conny, who obviously had little to impart upon him to begin with - it was like Leilas death had, likewise, turned her into a corpse that refused to move anywhere, that was chasing after shadows on the wall as she hardly ever moved from her bed, with tears wallowing in those swollen eyes all the same, chasing an echo in a dream that always ended on the same note. Josiah felt sorry, yet didn’t want to belittle her misery - he left her, shortly after he’d gone there and James showed up to go look after her for the night anyway; with his duties done and due diligence observed, he headed back to his trailer, knowing that Lucy was waiting for him. There was no pep in his step or smile on his face at first, but the moment he spotted the light in his trailer, he changed his demeanor completely, knowing that a smile could soothe her at least, and that they’d promised to spend the night relaxing. Did he really need that? Jo wasn’t sure, but he approached his home regardless, let himself in and closed the door after himself in one swift move. “Sorry for the wait, I wanted to make sure everyone was alright.”, he apologized, walking over to the table. “I hope you didn’t wait too long? And I’m sorry, my trailer is really, really crammed at times … but I’m sure that’s obvious.” What now? “How about you take a seat?”

As Louis approached the little get together he already heard some bickering and once he turned the corner he saw Roy there, alive and well, more or less, as if he hadn't hat his throat cut. Louis somewhat hated the fact that he remembered every little detail of what he did when he didn't feel like himself and for a moment he was at a loss of words. He saw them as they were, demons and shadowy figures shimmering underneath their human looking facade, much like Louis himself when he looked in the mirror, half so at the very least. Still it came as a shock to see Roy sitting there, drinking and talking. He even saw the true nature of the ringmaster and yet this still shocked him, after everything that happened around here. Only a moment later did Louis notice that all the eyes lay on him and they looked less thrilled to have his company than usually. That was fair enough, demon or not and yet he wondered if there truly was a need to apologize to something that ate innocent children's souls. "I... I just... came to apologize.", he let out looking mainly at Roy. While he never truly trusted him, Louis had been willing to listen and probably talked a tad bit too much himself, but it seemed his true feelings that weren't masked by human emotion or rationell, were different ones, much more mistrusting and seeing through an act. Who was to say though that Louis knew that Roy lied and toyed with him, suspected yes of course, but in some way he wanted to believe that he' be able to get some answers, or at least someone to talk to. Well, he kind of blew that possibility anyway. "I won't claim it wasn't me, I... well... I don't know what to say honestly, but I didn't mean for this to happen, truly."

Lucy looked up when Josiah finally entered the trailer and closed the door. She beamed and shook her head. "No, no don't worry! I just hope the food is still warm." She smiled and lifted some bowls she put over the food so it retained some warmth. "I snatched the best of the best today!" She grinned and chuckled a bit, she didn't want to think about all the death and gloom right now, this felt good and normal. "All the trailers are cramped, it's not as bad as when we all had to share one." She chuckled again then nodded and sat down like Josiah asked. "You too. Ah! I also brought some ointment, I'll help you with it later. Mary said it won't heal you, but it should help with the pain and swelling." Lucy looked at the food in front of them. "I hope you're hungry."

A snort errupted from Ruth the moment Louis started talking - she sounded neither thrilled nor happy about whatever was thrown their way, and if it were up to her, maybe she'd have to admit that she'd love to see Louis tossed away, out like a bag of trash, somewhere onto the street, or worse, flayed and skinned likewise, so his human side could atone for the misery that the other him had caused just hours earlier. However, it wasn't up to her, and worse, it was something she had no sway over, even if she and Roy were attached at the hip and the heart, like a pair of old, bickering lovers that had chosen to walk down to hell, hand in hand, instead of perish and see the sunny side of life somewhere in heaven. "You look and sound like a tepid, abused puppy, and you're not even the one that had his throat slit. If anything, you're good at putting on an act and nothing else.", she reprimanded him, almost sounding as if she didn't want Roy to have a say in this - but he put his hand in her lap regardless and flashed her a quick smile. Surely, nto all was done and over in a flash, not like this. "You didn't? Poor lad, that you are." Roy got up from where he sat, casting a shadow larger than life about him - it wasn't a nice one, but his face carried no ill-bearings, neither did his demeanor, even when there was incessant squabbling between pretty much all of them. "'Tis no place for forgiveness, though." Roy put a heavy hand on Louis' shoulder and gave him a knowing smile. "Yer'll pay, sometime, someday. Consider the hatchet buried aside from that, if ya can live with t'at." After all was said and done, Roy pointed to their stew. "How 'bout you go get something ta eat? 'S the least ya could do, and if ya don't wanna hear it from my mouth, yer've got a plethora of people to ask 'ere."

Josiah smiled at her, even now - Lucy was too kind, too caring, maybe even too loving for someone like him. He didn't deserve the coddling, or the sweet talking, or someone that so incessantly cared about him, it almost scared him. To him, she was much like the sun at that very moment, shining so brightly it hurt his very eyes, and with every word that fell from her lips, his heart faltered just a little bit. This was, usually, a feeling he reserved for Louis, something that he couldn't explain, even if he tried to. "I bet it is, I mean, it's cold outside but, it should be somewhat warm in here ... I think? Are you cold? I can try and put some wood into the fireplace?" They'd hardly need it, and even if it was cold now, they'd warm up from the food for a while - Jo dragged the second chair to his little table and looked at her, boasting about what she had gotten for them - Lucy was, well, just sweet. "You didn't have to! But ... it's for you as well, so I guess it's more than fine.", Jo answered her with a smile, happy as always, as if he'd found a treasure, one he got to keep for hismelf. "Oh, don't remind me. I was always a bit ... better off, I guess, I just had to share with Louis at some point and had this one to myself pretty early, but being in the kids trailer was a nightmare. You'd have to come up with pretty creative hiding spots if you had anything you were attached to.", he reminisced as he showed Lucy to her seat - a wooden chair with a soft cushion - and then planted himself on his own. "Hm? Oh!" Mary was a saint to have as well. "That's good, at least. I hope I'm not all black and blue ..." And he hoped this conversation wouldn't be silence halfway through. "I am, how could I not be after you boast about all of the food you got? ... You first, tho!"

The air was heavy here, all of them looking at Louis worse than they would normally. It seemed even they had some form of comradery, something Louis was never able to find here or with the others. He couldn't even truly be mad at himself, because this wasn't his fault in a way. Nothing of it felt like himself and yet it put him into positions he'd rather not be in. He hurt Josiah, now Roy and it felt like a curse put upon him so he'd not fit in with anybody, so he'd just be alone for the rest of his life which for all he knew could last longer than it should. Even Ruth was accusing him of just acting, much like Lucy or sometimes Josiah, when Louis had no say in any of this. For just a moment he wanted a break, one simple moment that was easy, but since the fire there was none and there would not be one. Even the moments spent with Josiah were overshadowed by his inability to speak freely and his worry for him. There was no point in arguing otherwise, he didn't want to upset them more than they were already. Louis looked at Roy as he got up, tempted to take a step back, but he stopped himself from doing so. His hand on his shoulder felt even heavier than before and Louis didn't dare look into his eyes, but he listened nonetheless. The tension in the air was glistening as Roy made his threat. Then Louis followed his pointing finger to the stew. He just stood there for a moment, then nodded and simply did as he was told with his head hung low, knowing fully well that he was at the bottom of the food chain here.

Josiah seemed to be at least a little relaxed right now and maybe a dinner and some talk about anything but Leila and Conny was just what they needed. "No, no it's fine. I'll borrow a blanket if my legs get cold, okay?", she snickered. Jo had so many and so many pillows too, his bed was always full of comfort as if he didn't like it empty and just for himself. "I wanted to! Jo, you can accept something good every once in a while and you ought to eat something hearty too from time to time." Lucy was flattered by Josiah being so gentleman like, showing her to her seat in this tiny space as if they were in an actual restaurant, not that either of them knew how one looked from the inside aside from stories they heard or read. Louis of course was always a topic when talking to Jo, he'd been a big part of his life, Lucys too, just not that big, but at the moment she rather didn't hear from him. She knew they shared a trailer, she sometimes slept in theirs with them, but after the fire Louis never came back here and eventually got his own and he'd never been the same. After what happened to him it was unfair to blame him at the time, but it had been years and it was more than okay to call him out. Either way, Lucy latched onto the other tidbit Jo dropped, gladly deterring the topic. "Oh? Anything specific you were attached to? A diary maybe?", Lucy asked chuckling. Jo and Louis were taught how to read and write and then they taught Lucy as well. She didn't read as much as them, both of them had so many books in their trailers, she didn't even know when they had the time to read. "Have you not looked at yourself since?", Lucy then asked a bit surprised, but she'd take care of him, but first food. "Alright!" Lucy smiled ready to dig in, but then stopped. "Oh wait, should I have gotten some wine? We're not supposed to I know, but I still have some money left, I never get anything from town, so I could get some? I'm sure the ringmaster would be fine with it if I pay for it."

Ruth simply looked at Roy - she stared at him, and then gave Louis a pitiful look as they all went back to what they’d been doing before he came here: Eat, and enjoy themselves. Whatever sense of unity they had in their cursed existence, they used it to create a web that only they themselves knew how to navigate, and they were sure about not sharing it with anyone else, not at any point in time. With Louis settled among them, it felt almost as if they’d invited something that didn’t belong, but it sounded as if Roy, who carefully took spoonful after spoonful of his dinner, lest it would drip back out of his throat, wanted him here, for better or for worse. “What were you even asking him?”, Ruth asked Louis eventually, letting the conversation around them continue in an uneven flow, knowing that a lot of them had their eyes and ears on their new centerpiece. “The haps’”, Roy told her, but it didn’t clear anything up, not in the slightest, because Roy failed to be descriptive to begin with, and maybe because he wasn’t a horrible guy after all. “That’s not much to go off of.” “If the lad want’s ‘ta tell ya, he will. If not, up to him. I ain’t gonna spill it for y’all, just ‘cause yer a nosy bunch of bastards.” Ruth seemed taken aback, then looked at Louis once more. “What will it be, then? Want to ask me about what that geezer wouldn’t tell you?” What a pickle that poor guy was in now.

“You can have one of my coats if you’d prefer them over a blanket instead, but I guess the blankets are easier to get ahold of and less gaudy.”, he suggested, knowing he’d have to dig one or both of them out when winter came, or it would get cold again - right now, it was simply ever so slightly rainy and foggy once in a while, which also meant that they were still miles away from whatever winter would throw at them. Josiah didn’t like the season anyway, especially not when they were on their feet all day and the only thing that truly kept them warm were their infrequent meals, or a moment shared around a fite that they had to tend themselves as well - this life wasn’t a cushy one, but he was happy to share it with the others, for moments like the one here, even when he felt as if it was somewhat different from the usual times that he spent a night with Lucy. “Alright, alright! I get it. This is fine, and deserved, and I’ll accept it for that.”, he reassured her with a short giggle, knowing that it wasn’t, and that he was just making it easy on himself for the time being - but he wouldn’t say that. Why? Even now he had his doubts, and he kept them to himself, because if anything, Josiah’s brain was always occupied with worry for others, not even himself, because he knew that they’d manage without him, he wasn’t that big of a part in the overall equation, and maybe he, truly, would simply up and disappear one day, as a last finishing act, if he ever wanted to see the world. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”, he teased her back, but snorted soon thereafter and shook his head. Lucy was … fun. This was fun. “No, not a diary. I had some trinkets that I wanted to keep for myself, nothing valuable, but I was still scared the other kids might want them. Looking back, maybe it’s stupid, but back then, those were everything I had, including the clothes on my back and the few in my wardrobe. Not that I needed more.” Some of the trinkets had to be around here, somewhere, and while he tried to map them out in his head, Jo realized there was much more to think about than that, especially when he furrowed his brows a bit. “What about you? Were you hiding anything interesting?” What a silly question that was, deserving of a fitting answer. “Not really. I never do, I just think that, if I ignore it as best I can, as long as it doesn’t hurt more than it already has, it can’t get any worse.”, he admitted to his hubris. Eventually, though, there was little he could hide from anyone, and Lucy was probably one of the more observant ones the circus had - even more so when she suddenly raised a question. “I … no, don’t. It’s already late, the weather kind of sucks, and I don’t want you to go out alone. How about we … one second.” Jo got up from where he sat and kneeled down by his bed, pulling on one of the compartments until it came loose and he pulled out a bunch of blankets. Sure, wine was romantic, but did he even have wine here? After a bit of digging, he found a few bottles - he always could use some sort of alcohol for varying experiments, but most of it tasted bad, and weaker ones, like wine, were useless - therefore, the bottle was a bit older, but definitely not open. “Just use this one? Problem solved. Unless it’s gone bad.” Stuffing everything back into the compartment aside from the bottle, he at least sat it down on the table and then fished two of the glasses that he’d put up top.

Louis sat there, a bowl of stew in his hands. He wasn't hungry, he rarely was, but now it was even worse. His hand shook a bit, mostly because the sight of Roys... corpse for a lack of a better word, was still present in his mind, very much so. Not only that, but also the fact that he was capable of doing something like that and even though he was curious about if it would even do anything, he shouldn't just take the chance, no matter who he was dealing with. He was scared of himself, scared of hurting someone next time that didn't just come back to life. It was even more confusing that Roy took his side, defended him in front of Ruth even. It was uncanny and yet he talked just like he did before, as if he truly tried to befriend Louis for some reason. To be honest, the discussion with Roy was somewhat of a blur, drowned out by how it ended and he wasn't sure if he'd upset Roy even more if he just asked about anyone. Frankly Louis didn't know what to think at all. "If he was human once... amongst other things...", Louis mumbled, then took a spoonful of stew just to keep his mouth busy and a reason to gaze downwards.

"A blanket is more cozy.", Lucy chuckled. "I don't want to feel like I'm sitting outside, a blanket has more of an inside feeling, don't you think?" It didn't matter if this made sense, to her it did somewhat. One wore a coat outside and one cuddled up in a blanket inside after all. She did at least. "A warm meal will help you heal too, I am sure!" Josiah wasn't getting out of this, no matter how undeserving he felt. He always stood in Louis shadow, even before the fire, missing that he himself was valuable too. The ringmaster always had a thing for Louis and now it was even more so, it seemed hard on Josiah, even though the ringmasters approval wasn't the most important and even he must see the value Josiah held. "Yes!", she grinned, wanting to know Josiahs secrets even more now. "What kind of trinkets? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Again she giggled. "Me? Uhm... not really, I always wanted to share what I had. Not that that was much more than a doll the ringmaster gave me once. When I saw the other kids eyeing it it made me happy to hand it over for a while." They all didn't own much, but Josiah likewise was spoiled by the ringmaster more than the rest of them, so he probably had had more to his name. "I'm sure it's half bad.", she tried to reassure Josiah. It was dark in here anyway, so they wouldn't see much. "Alone? You're acting like it's dangerous out there." She chuckled again. "Come to think of it, stormy weather always scared you a bit, right?" Not that still was the case. Jo meanwhile got up, trying to find something and eventually put a bottle of alcohol on the table. He used some of the stronger stuff for his hair, she knew as much. Whatever he procured there she took and held against the light. "It doesn't cork, it should be fine." She didn't have much of a clue, but it couldn't be that bad. Lucy opened it and poured them both a glass. It didn't have to be more than that, just something for a cozy evening and it would warm them up too. "Cheers!", she smiled. "And now lets finally dig in!"

Being reserved amidst a bunch of starving demons was a choice - not one that Roy welcomed, but he wasn’t someone to push others out of their comfort zone if there was no need for it. Right now, Louis was an anomaly, loathed by some of them, ignored by the others, and pitied by the remaining third for the fact that he couldn’t make it all out himself. How long would it be until he finally found his place in this world? None of them could say, but Ruth and Roy didn’t seem too opposed from giving him a little shove in either direction. “Ah, those things. You’re confused, aren’t you? That’s why I’d assume you’re asking. I’ll make one thing clear then: We’re not the same. You’re not like them, or like us, but they could be like you, but hardly anyone has ever been like you. We all were like them, once.” There were no verbs in Ruths speech, but no half-true allegory like Roy had banked on earlier. Still, that didn’t get Louis very far, did it now? “Who knows what you’d enjoy more, but given by your demeanor, you won’t like being like us a lot. It’s gonna haunt you, isn’t it?”, she drove home. “Those empty, glazed eyes, and those stiff, cooling limbs and the gut feeling, the realization that nothing is as it should be. And yet, it’s fine, because it was something like this. But what if you did that to one of them?” They’d be done for, and maybe that was what the ringmaster was banking on.

“That’s sound logic, for me, anyway.” Which meant that anyone else would likely argue that it didn’t matter, as long as Lucy was warm in the end, but maybe it took away from the general feeling, and that was something only Josiah seemed to understand at times. “When has a warm meal not helped? Let’s be honest.” Especially when it was made with love, which he couldn’t quite say about any of this, yet, Lucy had been so happy to bring them over and to perhaps spoil them both with it, he couldn’t claim that there wasn’t at least a tinge of love involved. Musing about it, he wondered what he could do in turn for her, but there was little he could come up with on the fly, and besides, girls like Lucy had to like peculiar things, stuff that Jo had little idea about. Were they all like that? Probably. “Pff, the cat’s already out of the bag, isn’t it? Not telling you what it was now would just be mean. One of them was just a really shiny, blue stone, and another was a necklace, probably plated in silver. I never wore it, but I still liked it. All the other stuff was like, scrap I collected? A sparkling coin here, a silken handkerchief there - mending them was a pain.” Getting them was, too, but some of their more prissy customers were quick to toss them out and to a child that had nothing, trash like that was a treasure bigger than anything else. “I think I remember that doll … well, from hearing about it, more than seeing it. Some of our gifts were a bit odd if you think about it.”, he mused, and thought about the things the ringmaster had given him - there was a bunch of them, most of them quite bizarre, others actually practical, but even those gifts had eventually stopped. “You’re right.” Most definitely, too. “It’s not just about that. It’s dark out, and the road to town is a while, and besides, some people aren’t as nice as the ones here, so of course I’d worry. And we aren’t even allowed to leave this late.” Unless it was an emergency that simply couldn’t wait and nobody else could fix - which happened almost never. As long as there wasn’t a thunderstorm broiling, Jo would’ve gone with her, even now, but … they had everything here. “You’re probably right … anyway, let’s push my gloom aside. Cheers! Thank you for the meal, Lucy. Really. And for your company too, of course.”, Jo told her with a smile before they finally had their well-deserved dinner.

Louis got the same answer twice, albeit differently told, which made him believe they told the truth. Then again both of them stuck together always, maybe it was another game. Either way, Louis chose to believe that they were all human once and then they stopped being themselves and became this, all by behest of the ringmaster for some reason. Still neither of them had a transformation taking this long it seemed. It's been years since the ringmaster showed his true face to Louis and still he was half human half not, though the borders seemed to finally start to blur. "If I'd be like you, I suppose I would stop caring eithet way...", he mumbled. No he didn't want to stop caring for Josiah and the others and he didn't want to just kill a man because he felt like it, but if it came to that it wouldn't bother him, right? Louis almost dropped his bowl as Ruth described what still haunted him and not only Roys lifeless body flickered in his mind, Leila as well whom he killed too by being the self he thought was him. Either was responsible for someones death, only one had more of an impact than the other. Louis found himself at a braking point once more, his chest heavy, his heart pounding and his mind racing. He wanted to simply disappear, just like that, instead he felt watched and as if the vultures around him only waited for him to snap in half. How long until he hurt the next person?

Lucy giggled happy because Josiah understood her logic. "We should have more of these, or cook a bit more together. Maybe next time we go into town we could buy something tasty and share with everyone. A whole chicken roast? Well we have those sometimes, hm... Is there something you always wanted to try but never have?" This was a topic befitting tonight when they just wanted to have a good time. She listened carefully to the list of trinkets Josiah once owned and chuckled. "Children can see a treasure in almost anything, don't they? Say did you have anything of your family?", she wondered. They all grew up here but some of them had little things left of those who abandoned them. "Hm, you think a doll is weird? It's somewhat of a hobby the ringmaster has, to make them, right? They sell very well too, I think I always thought I didn't deserve to keep something so valuable for myself." Now the doll had been passed on to the children who still played with it." Silly, we have wine and beer in storage too, I wouldn't want to go to town now either." Lucy giggled again, but she also agreed: away with doom and gloom. When she took a little sip from her glass she coughed right after. This tastes somewhat terrible. "Y-yours too...", she said toneless and ate some corn to get rid of the burning sensation in her throat.

“And you don’t want that, do you?”, Ruth asked, sounding almost concerned for him - but often, that was an act, not just from her, but anyone that frequented these parts of the circus. Every single one of them wanted the last laugh, nobody wanted to be the butt of the joke and so they discarded all their manners and seniority, and threw all they had in the ring. None of them, not a single one of their tainted souls, was better than the other, but Louis, he still had a chance, a ticket out of here, and while Ruth seemingly delighted in hammering that home, as a sickening payback for what he’d done to Roy, the walking corpse himself didn’t find it very funny and huffed. “What!? I thought you wanted to pay him back, be happy I’m doing my part of that!”, she argued, but Roy got up and pinched the bridge of his nose and foisted the bowl that he’d eaten from into Ruths lap. “Not like that, when yer’e tearing into ‘im and everyone’s waiting for their chance. He’s going to cut up one of ya, or me again, and I’d prefer he ain’t, or he’ll actually lose ‘is damn mind.” Roy grabbed Louis bowl for him, set it aside and then picked up the miserable bundle from where it sat - it seemed to be an almost easy feat to drag him away from the crowd like this, and then, he set him upright. “Earth ta Louis. Go get some sleep.”, Roy firmly insisted. “And if yer want to talk ‘bout this stuff sometime, I’ll answer ya. If yer behave, that is. If that’s all, scram.”

“Sounds good to me, maybe we should make plans for that soon. How about it? I’d like that, I think. Even if we do something entirely else … hm, but what that would be, I don’t even know.” Josiah knew a little bit of everything, so making the time go by with him wasn’t hard at all, oh no, it likely would be easier to run out of available time instead. “A whole chicken? Who’d you even share that with, just me? I think that’d be just a bit too much.”, he chuckled, imagining the carnage that would entail, all the while he thought about Lucy’s question, but he couldn’t say for sure if there was a such a thing. What, if anything, did his heart desire? “Something’s expensive I’d never spend my money on, I guess … if it’s something in the realm of possibilities, though, I guess it’d be something like, a grilled goose? Or … hm, I wonder what crocodile would taste like, but that’s pretty grotesque.” What about … Ugh, no, he didn’t need to go there - he was pretty sure snakes had to taste horrid anyway. “They do, and no I don’t. What about you?” Whenever Louis brought up Josiah looking for his parents, it became a sore topic - maybe because of stuff like this, where he was one of the few that had never gotten any sort of keepsake from them, either because they had none to give or simply didn’t want to. Whatever the case, it mattered little now, he’d lied about it plenty when he was younger, as children did. “I guess so, I just think the ringmasters dolls are overall a bit odd, aren’t they? Maybe it’s just the sheen that he uses, I guess, they all look so … horrifyingly lifelike, especially in the right light.” They unnerved Jo, and while a lot of things were capable of that, those dolls were at times the worst offenders. “Maybe I just don’t want you to leave, or get caught taking from the storage.”, he retaliated, but admittedly, he’d forgotten because he didn’t frequent them - instead, he dug into his meal, and much like Lucy, coughed when he took a sip of their beverage of choice. “Maybe … ugh. We do without the alcohol?”, he suggested.

Ruth hammered home what Louis already knew and she presented it as if she had a solution. Instead he just wanted Louis to feel worse than he already did and he took it, not complaining, just listening, because he kind of deserved that. In the end Louis couldn't think of them as monsters that didn't deserve some dignity or empathy and he felt bad for what he did. It was only right if he was put down by them further, wasn't it? Yet Roy disagreed and challenged Ruth even. Was this some form of ploy too? Some pretext to his revenge that he promised him? Louis rather had him return the favor right here and now, but Roy probably knew that that was too easy. The suspense and thrill probably turned him on. Roy took the bowl and brought Louis away from the others, essentially sening him to bed. "I'll stay away from you all...", Louis mumbled and he meant everyone. No alone time, especially not close to a show, Roy didn't need to worry about himself or Ruth... hopefully. Louis looked at Roy for one more moment, then nodded and simply left for his own trailer in which he burried himself in his blankets. There would be no sleep tonight.

"We'll have to go to town soon anyway, get some supplies. I'd like to go together with you.", Lucy suggested. It was mostly Jo going and sometimes he brought someone. It used to be Louis, but Lucy hadn't seen him leave the circus grounds since the fire as if he was scared of something, or maybe he just didn't want to go with Josiah. It was silly to blame him for what had happened and Josiah had enough of a bad consciousness without Louis poking at him. The fire was nobodies fault, accidents happened, it was about how people behaved afterwards and with Leila, Louis really fucked up. "Everyone! But it's not special enough and not much different from pigeon or crow when one of the guys catch one... maybe it ought to be something sweet instead?" Sugar was expensive after all. "Crodocdile? What gave you that idea?", Lucy asked laughing. She was surprised Josiah ate meat in the first place, he was so attached to all their animals. Next Lucy procurred a liddle medallion and handed it over to Josiah. If one opened it up inside was a dran picture of a man and a woman. "I had this when I came here. I don't remember them, but I think these are my parents." She wore it underneath her clothes, but at the same time she didn't know these people or why they weren't with her. She was happy to have this family here. "Hmm... I always liked them. Sometimes he makes them look like some of us, mostly people who left... I think he feels bad, maybe he even misses them and wants something to remember them by." The ringmaster was like their father, even though he rarely talked to them or even showed his face. It was always Louis relaying his will to them, always him called inside and maybe Lucy was a bit jelous. It had been like that before the fire and it only grew more and more after. If she hadn't seen the ringmaster a few days ago when they travelled, she'd wonder if Louis just made his orders up and ran this place on his own. "Oh? How sweet of you, but I would have paid for it.", Lucy smiled at Josiah and watched him cough up the alcohol as well. She couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, maybe we just eat."

“Together? I couldn’t in good conscience have you carry a bunch of stuff with me, but I’d be happy to have you.” That just meant he’d have to carry more on his own, or get someone that had a similar capability as Lucy - well, he would, if he wasn’t so sure that she probably meant that she wanted to go alone with him and nobody else, that was. “Something sweet? You’re right, whenever we got some of that cottoncandy as kids, I think everyone’s eyes lit up at the mere prospect of getting your fingers on a shred of it. But that’s also not exactly what you’re after, right? I’d assume it’d have to be a real, genuine cake, maybe with more layer than one - it’d be delightful, all fluffy and sweet …” And Josiah would want it all for himself if nobody stopped him from taking the first bite, which was a detail best left out of a conversation like this. After all, there was food on the table, and it was just as good - that was a lie - and enjoyable, too. Why spend an entire paycheck on a single nights delight, if it even sufficed for something like that, when there were so many more possibilities? “I. Uh … well, I was thinking about all the animals we do have, and I concluded I’d rather not try and eat my own pet snake, but we don’t have a crocodile, so I’d not be opposed to it. Seems a bit outlandish, doesn’t it?” Especially for him that hardly ever wanted to eat meat as a kid and only relented when he realized that he was feeling somewhat sluggish on a diet of nothing but vegetables and other sides, therefore not eating as healthy as he thought he was. There was neither time nor need to bring it up, not when Lucy already changed the topic back to something else and Jo carefully took the medallion she’d popped open for him and looked at the somewhat worn picture of the two strangers; it felt almost bittersweet, in a way. “Well, if they are, you do look the part. They do seem nice.”, he mumbled in response before handing it back, flashing Lucy a softened smile. That had to hurt, to know that there was someone out there that loved her, yet couldn’t keep her - Josiah wasn’t all that interested in knowing about his own heritage, but maybe Lucy was. “Would you ever want to meet them? Leave to be with them?”, he questioned in earnest between bites, only stopping himself from eating more when the topic at hand became … somewhat interesting. “They do look like them, now that you mention it, don’t they?” Which meant … well, hopefully not. The ringmaster wouldn’t go as far as to make one that looked like Leila, would he now? Jo brushed the thought off - he wasn’t supposed to be all gloom and doom right now. “Now you can spend your money on other things, and so can I.”, he chuckled triumphantly, closing the bitter bottle he’d brought about soon after. “You’re right. Next time we’ll buy a bottle of wine - together.”

"What's that supposed to mean? I can pull my weight, I'm probably even stronger than you!", Lucy complained. There was really no need for Josiah to protect her, she worked just as much as the others here and even though she spent a lot of time with the kids, hosting them around wasn't easy either. Josiah would know himself anyway. "Hm, I think I want some macarons, I never had them but a lot of our customers talk about them. They are supposedly very good." And fancy, they never had something fancy, they didn't have a whole lot of money and that fine, but Lucy was old enough to want to see and try some new things. "Hm, why don't we have a crocodile?", Lucy asked instead of thinking of its taste. It would make a great addition, but it was probably a bit cold for one. Though the lions and tigers were fine as well and so was the snake most of the time. Well it needed a lot of warmth. Lucy ate a bit of their actual meal, then took the medallion back from Josiah to put it back around her neck. "I don't know. I am happy with the family I have here, een though this life is sometimes hard, most of us stick together and help eachother out. I don't think I need another family, no matter why I ended up here rather than with them. They gave me this, so I think they loved me. Maybe they are dead too, I don't know.", Lucy answered honestly. She didn't feel the need to hide anything from Josiah and the potential death of her parents she couldn't remember didn't bother her a whole lot. "They are also mostly one of a kind, the expensive ones at least." With anod she ate a bit more. The bottle was soon put away, it really tasted vile but Lucy also never took a sip of wine, she didn't even know if she liked it, but it was part of a good dinner according to some scources. "Deal! And maybe some macarons!" Lucy ate the last of her meal and grabbed a hankerchief from her pocket to wipe her fatty fingers and her mouth. "I'll wash that tomorrow.", she concluded. There was no need to go out in the cold now to do it.

“It means I don’t want to burden you with carrying crates, we have plenty of capable guys around here that can pull their weight!”, Josiah explained his decision, but he laughed about it soon after, just because. “Look, I don’t want you to get hurt, either - if you can pull your weight, I’m all for it, and I won’t stop you, I just don’t want you to feel like you have to carry all that heavy stuff around.” Girls were different, even here, and Jo knew that if he forced Lucy to do something that others could see, or catch wind of, and she’d groan the slightest bit about it because she’d hurt her back, some of the older people in this big, mismatched patchwork family of a circus would raise a stink about him and he’d never hear the end of it. Why, pray tell, would he force a lady to carry all those things and not take a man with him? “That doesn’t sound so bad … I wonder if they’re hard or soft, the way they’re shaped doesn’t really tell me anything. I bet the cream’s good!” Just thinking about it made him wish they had some right now, yet, that seemed very much impossible, not with their pay, and not with that attitude. “Too expensive, and also too dangerous. They like swampy areas, so we’d probably need a pool for them, and nobody will want to move that, especially not for a reptile that also enjoys human meat as a treat.”, he responded, in regards to the absence of a crocodile in their animal ensemble. If anything, he’d be stuck with it, and Josiah could live without being turned into that things punching bag - he preferred snakes, truly. “Hm, makes sense. After all, why leave here? Our friends and family are here, I don’t think I’d want to leave to begin with, if I’m honest. I’d start missing everyone pretty fast.”, he lamented, finishing up his dinner - Jo grabbed his own handkerchief to wipe off his mouth and hands, and Lucy seemed to be doing the same, her appetite either stifled by the topic, or simply appeased. “One of a kind, huh … I still think they’re a bit unnerving if I’m honest, I think if I had one of those dolls I’d not be able to sleep soundly - their beady little eyes always … brrr, I don’t even want to think about that!” With that, he vowed to ignore the rest of that conversation and simply amused himself with Lucy’s table manners - they were all the same kind of ditzy and frugal, in a way. “Deal, then.” That was the last of that and Josiah sank back into his chair, sighing deeply. “I liked that, maybe we should eat dinner together more often? … Also I’ll take the plates back tomorrow, I don’t feel like moving much anymore today, what about you?”