bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

    • He’d leave if Richard wanted him to; for Yujin, there was no need to linger on something like this, to cry about what would be spilled milk, essentially. No, he’d be allowed back in here whenever he wanted, he could afford to spend some days on his own if Richard truly needed some time for himself, some time to figure things out and maybe Yujin would’ve been able to make an effort to understand both Richard and himself a little bit better - but now, all of that flew right out of the window, and he wasn’t sure if the hug he received was well-meant, an invitation to crawl inside and make Richards room their room again, or if it was akin to a shortlived and temporary goodbye that Yujin had never received in the first place. “Richard, I can l-“, he wanted to say, once the hug subsided and he wasn’t even sure what it was that he felt. Did he feel guilty for even considering that he’d leave Richard alone? Now, he wasn’t so sure about any of the decisions he’d previously made, as much as he wasn’t sure if coming here wasn’t a mistake in the first place - none of this would have happened if he didn’t come here, and he’d not be torn between wanting to stay and having to leave.

      There was some tugging on his arm however, and before Yujin knew it, he’d brushed past the door and found himself back in the least-icy room in the entire castle, aside from the baths - the door was flung shut behind him, and he sat on the bed itself quicker than he was able to deny Richard any unspoken wish. No, now he sat there, with a stack of paper between his own fingers, folding his legs slightly and pulling a blanket over his lap - and Richard took two of his own, just before seemingly cuddling up … no, he came close and rested his weary head on Yujins lap itself, something that made the wolf blush profusely, despite not even knowing why. This wasn’t anything hut an innocent act of friendship - nothing about this was wrong, or could be taken the wrong way, right? And yet, he sat there for a bit, in awe over what had happened, only to find his smile again. “Is that comfortable for you?”, he asked instead, brushing a few odd strands of hair out of Richards face that had fallen into it. Maybe he should show him how to braid his hair by himself, but then again, Yujin hadn’t paid close attention to Richard for the past few days, even if he came around to look after him - he still wasn’t able to get in here. “I missed you.”, he stated, matter-of-factly, before bracing himself. All that these papers told him would summarize Richards story, right? All the things that upset him and maybe more - all that he was willing to share with Yujin. The wolf swallowed something that seemingly got stuck in his throat, using one hand to read the papers and another to softly stroke through Richards hair from time to time - well, it didn’t take long for the smile that he wore to fade and for his facial expression to shift; he wasn’t in pain per se, but he very much felt his own heart hurt in his chest and his previously dry eyes wetting some pieces of paper, the further he got in. Oh. This wasn’t going to get better, was it?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard nodded, it was comfortable for him and for a while he heard nothing from Yujin. No moving or rustling with the stack of paper, he just sat there and Richard made himself more comfortable on Yujins lap. Only then there was a small brush over Richards hair and Yujin told him he missed him during the past two days. Richard cuddled with Yujins legs a bit more. Once he heard him do something with the stack of papers however, Richard decided to put the mostly Thrian book Yujin gave him away and just lie where he was. He didn't face Yujin on purpose, he didn't want to see his reaction and instead he closed his eyes. The brushes through his hair were more frequent in the beginning, but they grew less and less with time passing. Richard closed his eyes, imagining where in the story Yujin most likely was from time to time, but mostly he just concentrated on Yujins warmth and the hand that touched him. Richard felt more comfortable with Yujin around and in the end it was probably a good decision he let him in.

      If he hadn't let Yujin in he'd probably sit in his room now, wondering what Yujin was reading or thinking right now, or if he had put the story away by now. But he didn't, he kept on reading. The room was silent, there only was noise when Yujin put another piece of paper aside to read the next one. Richard barely moved, he only held onto Yujins leg a bit more when he thought about what Yujin was reading, but otherwise he just lay there patiently and waited. Richard was tired, but he didn't fall asleep. Eventually he heard a silent sniffling from Yujin and he wondered if he shouldn't have let him know about all of this. Richards own fingers reached for some scars he obtained in the Olettian prison, but most of them were on his back anyway. Yujin had seen those too, multiple times actually, since Richard joined him in the bath from time to time and just kept his underwear on when he entered the water.

    • None of this was fair - not a single thing, it never had been to any of them and right now it seemed as if fate, or the gods, or whatever it was, had it out for both of them. It hurt, it stunt, and Yujin was the one that lived through words that told a story that Richard had experienced firsthand. It hurt, so much, and it stung, so much more than that - all of that happened a while ago, he knew that, but even now that Richard kept so close to him, hugged his legs and held onto him, he felt miserable about letting it happen. Was it his fault for not keeping the blonde where he was? Hardly, Yujin didn’t know anything about his whereabouts or that he’d left in the first place until it was way too late anyway - and by now, he’d simply forgotten it all. “I’m sorry.”, he suddenly mumbled, but he kept on reading, bracing himself for what was to come - but it got worse, felt like a downwards spiral that clogged up Yujins nose and throat, that made him cry and right about now, he wanted nothing more than to denounce the truth that was there, on paper, written all over it - it was all an elaborate nightmare.

      That, however, was a delusion and a lie at the same time - Richard bore the scars to show for it, the acursed knowledge to tell Yujin all that it was, to lay himself bare like that, to show him how much pain he’d gone through, and now the wolf was the one that cried about it, miserably at that. At some point, he was done, wanted to read nothing more, but there wasn’t anything else, he’d reached the beginning of the stack of paper again, the one that made his heart ache in such a way that it felt like physical pain, and once he was done, he set the paper aside. “I’m … so … so … sorry, Richard.”, he spoke, his voice trembling and his fingers, too. He reached out for the figure what was resting on his lap, to crudely hug him somehow and to spill his tears on him on accident. There wasn’t anything he could do, except for feeling sorry and trying to understand Richard to some degree, but that was all there was - he couldn’t do much more, he’d never be able to, he could only mend the pain that had transpired already. “I should have …”, he mumbled, lost in thought for a while, but there was nothing that he could do, not in retrospect. Yujin clung to Richards form, holding onto him as if he’d disappear into thin air soon after that. But that was it - that was that. “I’ll … From … From now on … I’ll keep you save …”, Yujin suddenly made awfully clear. “I don’t want … anyone to hurt you … ever again.” There was nothing but his continuous sniffling for a while. He felt awful, very much so - he should be the one comforting Richard, not the other way around. “I’m sorry … I should have kept … you here …”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Yujin didn't need to be sorry. Richard was the one that insisted on leaving and he was the one insisting on going after Aramis right away even though the plan was incredibly risky and didn't pay off. He was the one that told nobody about this, maybe if he or Nayantai wrote to Yujin or Muhan, they would have done something, or if they talked to Nayantais sister, maybe she would have helped, or at least told them Dayan was king and their revenge could wait for a bit. None of that happened and Nayantai just followed his son, the only child he thought he had left, even though he probably didn't want to. Of course he didn't want Richard to get hurt or die during their sought out revenge, yet Richard didn't care about his own life. If he had been a bit smarter none of that would have happened and Nayantai and him maybe would have a good relationship living in that lonely hut by theirselves, but happy. Richard didn't have any interest in Adrestia, they could have just stayed in Silesse.

      Richard heard Yujin put the pages away and he apologized once more. Richard shook his head, it wasn't his fault. The prince leaned down to hug Richard like that, the hug was tight. Yujin cried, Richard heard more sniffling and he felt some tears drop onto him. The hug grew stronger and Richard reached out for Yujin to softly stroke his arm. Maybe he shouldn't have shown him this. Richard did feel save here, saver than he felt in Myriad. He believed Yujin when he told him he'd take care of him, even though he was the weaker one previously, but Richard was the one comforting Yujin now however and he turned a bit to be able to return the hug. "No...", he mumbled stroking over Yujins back while the black hair fell over both of them like a curtain. "It's not your fault... I knew you'd stop me... somehow... and I didn't want that. So i left without telling you... I shouldn't have...", he admitted.

    • There was nothing to be done about the multitude of things that had happened, about all that didn't need to happen if Yujin had just kept Richard in line and told him that - while he dearly appreciated him and what it meant to be terribly in love with him - he couldn't have allowed him to leave, should have bound him to his side with something, even if it was nothing but a silly escape plan. In the end, however, none of that had happened and Yujin was the one that had to keep track of everything by himself, that had to make sure that all that happened from here on out was, what made Richard happy - that kept him somewhere save, somewhere he was dearly appreciated and horribly loved. "I know ...", he sniffled, and he was fairly aware that yes, he was apologizing for things that he had no control over, that he didn't know how to handle in the first place and that Richard wouldn't have not done, just because Yujin begged him to. It was silly to believed that he had no idea how to keep him save previously, and it was especially crude to assume that all of these things hurt him so bad that he wanted nothing more than to cling onto Richard for dear life.

      All that had happened, the story from Adrestia to Silesse, back to Adrestia and back to Silesse again, wasn't some sort of odd dream that Yujin could hardly grasp - it was reality, a painful one at that, and while he clad himself and Richard in the same black; in neverending black strands of hair, he clung onto him like he was a piece of driftwood somewhere out there, in the freezing cold sea that he'd fallen into, with no sign of ever getting out alive. It didn't help that Richard felt feeble, still, not frail, but at least easy to lose - and while he was using his voice to communicate now, to say things that weren't the trauma he endured, but related to it, Yujin couldn't help but not want to let go of him ever again. "It's ... it's alright ...", Yujin declared. It wasn't and it never would be, some part of him knew that anyway, but it was all that he could muster for now, all that he could say for now and it was true - there was no way out of this, as much as there wasn't any way to realize that yes, all of what he did had a purpose, and yet, none of them had flourished into anything. "I would have ... but ... you're back ... I'm glad ...", Yujin spoke instead, still holding onto the blonde that he didn't want to lose - he never wanted to. "You ... you're always welcome here ...", the wolf mumbled, still trying to rid himself of some of his tears. "I understand ... you now, I think. But ... still, I'm sorry - you deserve none of this."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard wasn't sure how to comfort Yujin and he felt bad for dragging him down with him into all the darkness he carried around in his heart. Yujin didn't seem like he wanted to let go of that hug and so Richard kept on holding him tightly, softly brushing over his back this time around. "I'm glad I'm back too...", Richard mumbled and still wondered what the future would bring for them both or if he could even stay at Yujins side forever. If Richard didn't get better, more than he was now, he hardly could provide for Yujin or make him happy. At some point he'd like to get back together with him, but Richard wasn't sure if that was even a possibility and it certainly wasn't now. He was comfortable with a hug, with sleeping in one bed and cuddling up to eachother all the time, but he couldn't imagine doing more than that, not right now. Yujin deserved better however, yet he spent all night and day here in this room, locked away with someone that was hardly alive.

      The other question was how long Shuren would tolerate Richard. Dayan didn't tell him why he was sent to Silesse, or what kind of deal he made with Yujins father, but for initially not liking Richard at all, he seemed to have come around - for how long though? "It rather be me than you or my brother...", Richard simply replied and if he still feared anything different than that prison and facing his father, then it was someone else enduring the same as him, someone he loved. He'd take it all again if only it meant Yujin was save. He still wanted to protect him even in his current state, he always would, even if it meant going again to give him another life than just to be stuck in this room. Richard rather tried to get better and maybe go outside at one point again. For now he was selfish enough to keep Yujin by his side a while longer.

    • There they were, either bound by fate or their past selves, and they spent enough time together to assume that they were close before. Yujin hurt, not for himself, but for Richard, who he hadn't watched out for enough, whom he missed so dearly without even knowing, but now that they were reunited, it felt like there was nothing more than pain following them, like a trail that had been glued onto them, and Yujin was the one that couldn't help but wonder if that was all there was to it - but it had to suffice for now. Richard was save here, in his arms, and he himself felt save, too, just like that, even if he knew that nothing good would come of denying his father his wishes, or postponing something for way too long - all he wanted was to learn about himself, about the person he was, and for now, Yujin felt as if Richard was actually capable of achieving that, with and for him, all the way. He gradually calmed down, but he stayed where he was, unable to deny Richard any more comfort. "I'll not ... let you leave again, you hear me?", he tried to joke, but he still sounded upset enough for a good while. It didn't help that he felt tired, that all that kept him afloat would eventually hurt him - but that hardly mattered, too.

      "Don't say that.", he sniffled, but it wasn't wrong for Richard to claim it either. Yujin knew fairly well that no, he didn't want to swap places with Richard for more than one reason and that yes, it was selfish to think that way, but if he were terribly honest, it couldn't have gone a much different way; he'd never leave Silesse, not out of his own accord and not with his fathers blessings, and even if he tried to and eventually succeeded, he'd probably be the one that wouldn't come back. Nobody would come pick him up, much like Richards brother had done for him, but he'd suffer until he couldn't any more and that thought alone felt like a gut punch. "I ... don't want any of this to happen to you. I never did. You don't deserve this.", Yujin claimed, demanded even, and it was the truth that he sought after - the one that a few well-meant backrubs wouldn't make reality, but the one he should have grasped too long ago, for both his own and Richards sake. There wasn't much else to say about that, however, and there wasn't anything else he could have done in the first place. "I want to make you happy - you deserve the world." He wound up looking for one of Richards hands to hold, yet again, almost as if that was everything he was ever capable of - that he'd ever be capable of. It was what they both wanted, and to be fair, who'd blame him for it. "Mh, I'm sorry ... reading that just hurt, a lot more than I anticipated ... would you want to ... lighten the mood a bit?", Yujin asked, pointing towards his own books.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard held onto Yujin and still wondered how long he was able to let himself be protected by him. His time with him would run out, but not yet. He didn't want to leave and thus far all his decisions had been wrong and stupid, so he rather had Yujin decide if he stayd or left and all would end well, wouldn't it? "I don't want to leave...", he agreed, he'd listen to him and there was no need to go back home to a family that didn't need Richard. Still, after writing all of what happened down, Richard wanted to write to his father, he'd do that tomorrow probably. He'd tell him that h still loved him and that he was doing better. "And if I have to leave I won't leave without you...", Richard added mumbling, though in hindsight maybe he shouldn't have said that. He wanted to much of Yujin and he started to wonder what had happened to his girlfriend that he cheated on with the blonde. Did he dump her? Does he love her after all? Did he maybe have a new relationship with someone else? Either way was fine probably, it wasn't Richards place to intervene.

      Richard patted Yujins back a bit more and he appreciated what he said. Richard shouldn't voice such dark thoughts, so he shut his mouth. Instead he listened to Yujin a bit more. "You already are...", he mumbled. Richard might not always show it, but Yujin made him happy, or at the very least happier than he was before. He did so much better, he ate again, gained weight and he was engaging in life instead of sitting in his bed, staring outside the window or crying. Yujin probably didn't know how much he helped Richard already... "It's fine... I'm sorry for... for putting that on your shoulders...", Richard apologized still comforting Yujin who got hit hard by all of what he had read, but it was enough with grieving and Yujin suggested to move one. Richard nodded and then reached for the book Yujin was pointing at to give it to the prince. After all, he wasn't able to find a lot he could read himself and it was probably better they explored it together.

    • "Nobody is going to make you leave.", Yujin reassured him. That was something he couldn't know for sure, but he also knew fairly well that yes, Richard was here as a guest and yes, his very own father could be a pain in the ass - the truth was, at some point, Shuren would ask Richard to at least leave the castle, but that wasn't the problem in the first place. In reality, the problem was Yujin himself, who clung onto someone that, despite all accounts, was probably not cut out to be with anyone - at the very least right now. "I'm not going to let you leave alone anyway.", he chastised Richard - the thought itself was a silly one, but that would also mean that he'd have to denounce everything he was; a prince and someones fiancée, but that was about it, there wasn't anything else to it. Yujin didn't care for titles and for monikers, he didn't care for being someone elses and as selfish as it was, maybe Richard was his way out of a marriage that Yujin didn't want, that he - much rather - threw to the wind, hoping that it would solve all of his problems in an instant. Richard wasn't a replacement and Yujin wasn't sure if he was or had been romantically involved with him in the first place, but it didn't matter much either way. They were friends - and friends helped one another.

      "I am ...? Then, I'm glad - but I'm sure I can do better." And that he could; he hadn't seen Richard in what felt like an eternity, even if he was exaggerating and behaving like an idiot about it - damnit, it had been two days in his own bed that suddenly seemed cold, empty and foreign, just because he was spending day after day in Richards room, rarely leaving him alone, and even if he did, he mostly only did so as per request or because there was something he actually had to take care of for once. "Mh-mh, you needn't be. I'm happy to help, and you can't carry all your burdens alone - they'll crush you, sooner than later. And I want to help you.", the wolf assured him. Surely, there'd be plenty of times where Richard wouldn't want his help, and enough times where Richard couldn't help him - Yujin felt like an idiot, he wasn't the one that needed consoling or comforting, Richard was, and with that, Yujin pulled him closer and embraced him, less awkwardly than he had before, still brushing some annoyingly lose strands of blonde hair out of Richards face. "If you need something, please tell me.", Yujin spoke, and he meant it, as he fished the book out of Richards hands once the blonde had handed it to him, giving him more than just a warm and welcome smile as he shifted into a more comfortable position for both of them, tugging on the blankets that covered them until they both were nice and cozy enough. He leaned back, before opening the book and looking at the words that graced the first page.

      Huh, that was odd - was that his handwriting? No, it didn't matter - it was his. Then, he cleared his throat. "Twentysecond of the seventh moon of the year ... why did I write it like that?", he started reading, adding his own commentary, before slightly shaking his head. "The first entry reads: My sixteenth birthday is less than a week away. In all honesty - that sucks. Actually, this journal sucks! Who even keeps something like this? My big brother doesn't even use his, but father is adamant about me using mine. Well, whatever, it's not like anyone will ever need this, right?", Yujin resounded, then chuckled. "Gods, what kind of fed-up brat was I?" He was eightteen, nineteen in a few weeks maybe, and he'd not get younger. His fifteen year old self, however, seemed to have strong opinions on any kinds of documentation as it seemed, and this wasn't the part that they wanted to get to anyway. This was before anything happened, a good while too, and yet, Yujin didn't see a problem with that - it just meant that, maybe, he could figure himself out. "Twentyfourth of the seventh moon: Father showed me how to make remedies, which seemed to be mildly interesting. At first, at least. Turns out that all he does all day in his basement is nothing but needless tinkering - boring. Big brother gets to spend time with dad instead, which sounds way more fun. Can we switch?" That didn't seem like anything interesting either. Yujin skimmed over some pages, reading entries aloud - there was nothing interesting, he talked about spending most of his days with Shuren, being taught how to treat various injuries and mix various things, all the while managing to complain about everything in the process, including not being able to spend time with Muhan or Xu, and even managing to sound annoyed about his birthday and the fact that he didn't get the one thing he wished for - he sounded like a brat, if anything, that only occassionally mentioned his friends, which only seemed to be both Quan and Jia at the time.

      After flipping through some pages, he stopped at an entry that took over two pages, in big bold letters. "Seventeenth of the ninth moon: Fuck Quan and Xu.", he told Richard, who he was glancing at every so often before stroking through his hair or smiling like an idiot. "Eighteenth of the ninth moon: Fuck those two, seriously. Jia insisted we bring Xu with us, again, which sucks already, and then I catch him and Quan making out. What in the world?" Wait, what? That was new information. "Twentyfirst of the ninth moon: They told me they'd been a thing for a while now. Seriously? Those two? I can't even have my friends to myself - Jia has a girlfriend too, what am I, the loneliest sap of Silesse?" The entry ended there, but not because Yujin didn't write more, but much rather because the rest of the sentence was scribbled over and black out - and there was no way he could read that. He sighed. "This happened before everything, but I don't even remember that. That's weird.", he told Richard, and it was - he was very firm about remembering everything that happened before his incident and nothing, including the incident itself, past it - but this seemed to disprove that assumption. Then, a variety of blacked out entries followed, as if he himself or someone else had tampered with them, and Yujin looked on in confusion. "Well, that's ... weird.", he spoke, prompted to show Richard what was wrong with the pages. Then, he went on, as soon as he found a usable entry. "Second of the eleventh moon: It's freezing, but that's nothing new. Father finally relented and let me pick my training with dad back up - it serves as a nice pasttime, given the fact that Xu and Quan are behaving fucking weird. Did I say something wrong? Even if I did, they can fuck off. They've been ignoring me for weeks, what is wrong with them?" Yujin sighed. "Were you that angry at sixteen? Why am I such a brat ..."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard didn't mind doing the comforting for once, but Yujin had enough of that as it seemed. Still they hugged a bit more and Yujin made Richard feel save and welcome in this icy castle. He didn't want to go home anyway, there was nothing for him unless maybe the chance to make up with his father. Maybe it was better to write him letters however, as a start at least. Their last meet didn't end that well, but writing shouldn't be a problem for either of them. Maybe he'd write Richard back if he just tried. Yujin could definitely make a letter reach Myriad, right? He just needed to give it to him. He'd not write one now however, his hand hurt from all the writing he already did anyway and he much rather let himself be stuck into a blanket again and cuddled with Yujin as he mad it more comfortable for himself too. He had the first book in his hands and once they both found a comfortable position, he opened it up at the front page, while Richard rested his head on Yujin again, ready to listen.

      Richard listened and tried to concentrate, though he was a little bit confused about Thrian time measurement. A year was the same amount of days, but they started somewhere else as far as Richard knew and all the moon talk was confusing. "You... You don't have to translate it.", he softly interrupted, but he didn't mind either. He just thought that reading and then translating it to another language was hard, he could just read it in Thrian too, but it seemed like Yujin forgot that Richard spoke it well, he just couldn't read it. He had learned it at some point, but he didn't use that knowledge for so long, it grew inaccessible. He continued listening anyway. Yujin did a lot of complaining in his diary, that was somewhat out of character, then again, maybe he just used the diary to let out his anger and in reality went back to his cheery self. Even a diary wasn't a good representation of character. All of what he read was before that accident he had and it seemed like he was jealous of his brother a lot. Richard wondered if Dayan felt the same, maybe not as strongly before the incident, but now. Richard also remembered their excursion to the place Yujin had the accident at and the grave. His father had some weird explanation for it and didn't even explain why there had been a heart inside, but Richards memory got muddled too and with all that happened, he kind of forgot about that a lot. They still didn't know what happened at it seemed solved back then, but Richard always had had a weird feeling about all of this. Trying to connect the dots wit this new information wasn't any easier though and when he saw the blacked out pages he furrowed his brows. The next entry seemed to be weeks after the incident maybe, Richard wasn't sure, but he got questioned by Yujins so he looked at him and shook his head. "Not sixteen... seventeen more so...", he mumbled and he pretty much was when he first visited Silesse. Then he softly tug at the book to get it in his own hands and investigate the blacked out pages against some light, trying to figure out if there was something to save. Whereas the letters had been written with a quiver, the blacking out had been done differently and more efficiently as it seemed, so maybe there was a possibility. Richard thought back to investigating some leafs with coal and paper, scribbling them through. Rain had shown Dayan and Richard and while Dayan ran about finding new undiscovered leafs, Richard was tracing them one by one. He suddenly got up without a word and brought the book as well as an empty sheet over to the fireplace. He reached inside, quickly pulling out some burned down wood that turned black already. There was enough soot to work with too and he tried to trace the letters written under all the black ink. He wasn't sure if that was working, he tried it with one page and afterwards, a little dirty from the grime, he came back and presented the result he couldn't even read if it worked or not. He tilted his head questioning as he handed over the piece of paper and searched for something to wipe his fingers with.

    • Dumbfounded was one word to put it, confused another - Yujin didn't understand himself and he feared that, if anything, he'd never understand his past self ever again. It seemed silly, but whoever he used to be, was very much dead probably - and it didn't help that he himself wasn't making any effort before this, it seemed. Finding these books hadn't been hard, he just had to pull apart most of his room and make sense of where he hid them or why he hid anything in the first place - Yujin often wasn't sure why he did certain things, but right now, even that made less sense than it had before. Why was that? Richard pulled him out of his thoughts, once more, and he looked at him, somewhat dumbfounded. "Wait, you understand me?", Yujin suddenly asked, and he wasn't sure if Richard had ever told him any of that. He knew adrestian by heart, almost as if it was a language he'd learned and picked apart over years and years, but now that he did, indeed, realize that something caught his eye, he wondered if all of this was merely happening because yes, he hadn't paid close attention or no, Richard had told him before and he'd just painstakingly ignored everything. It made sense however, somehow. "Wait ... it makes sense. You're thrian, right?", he asked, almost sheepishly - Yujin had only assumed that this was the case beforehand, he had no serious confirmation for it and Richard hadn't made it any easier for him. Why was that? And why on earth did he only ask him now? It felt stupid to not consider the question before, to not ask Richard anything about himself, and yet, on the other hand, he'd never meant to pry at any point in his life, only considering that maybe, just maybe, he was hurting him instead of doing something good - and with that, the blonde figure took the book from him and moved, examining the blacked out pages and grabbing a piece of paper as he moved to the sweltering fire that, most likely, didn't do much to keep a room of solid ice warm.

      Who's idea had that even been? Shurens, obviously, but that was that and Yujin couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't another place that Richard felt warm at - one they could both spend their days at without worrying about anything. "What are you d- don't burn yourself!", he exclaimed, and yet, the blonde seemed to know what he was doing, once he came back to Yujin and handed him the fruits of his labor - something the wolf only stared at, slightly bewildered, before looking at Richard, and pulling a piece of cloth out of one of his pockets. "Here.", Yujin told him, before putting it on Richards hands and waiting for him to settle back down to continue their little reading journey - he looked at the unearthed information, somewhat bewildered, and then grinned. "That's news to me. How did you figure that out?", he asked, but soon enough, looked at what he'd been handed. "Hm, there's nothing interesting about these entries, sadly. It's all just me, complaining about Xu and Quan being annoying, and a nod to the fact that I met Yin for the first time. Why would anyone black that out?", he asked, sighing, but putting the paper aside, carefully at that, as to not damage anything, before skimming over more pages. Some entries looked like they were smeared into the book, others as if Yujin himself had crossed them out, and then, there were missing pages, somewhat obviously ripped out. "Hm. Sixth of the third moon: Quan invited me to go on a camping trip with him, just the two of us, to patch things up. The weather is questionable, but ... I haven't spoken to him in so long, and he's been so weird to me for a while. I'd be more than happy to." Then, silence - there were no following entries, the pages had been removed, some more neatly than the others. "Nineteenth of the fifth moon: ... hm, my handwriting is completely different now. That's odd.", Yujin suddenly made out, showing Richard the differences - they were noticeable, even if someone didn't know the characters all that well. "Nineteenth of the fifth moon: Left my bed for the first time in a while. The wound on my chest has healed just fine, but my leg is a whole different story. The wound finally closed up, but it looks gnarly either way - my father loathes looking at it, and I loathe putting weight on it - it hurts like a thousand needles poking into my leg at once. Is this thing ever going to heal? Father assured me the medication would fix it in due time, but the only thing it did so far was mess with my head. Fuck you, Quan - this is all your fault.", Yujin concluded, and then looked at the page dumbfounded, almost as if someone had forgotten to erase an important detail on their little rampage of removing the rest of this. "Twentieth of the fifth moon: I woke up in a daze today, the medication isn't doing me any good - my leg hurts even more and I woke up in cold sweat after dreaming about that thing again. Looking at Xu is going to be a hard one, but I don't want to see him or Quan ever again. They can go die in a ditch for all I care.", Yujin spoke aloud. Someone had, indeed, forgotten about something. But it didn't get any better after that, the last few pages were just him whining about pain - the last entry was missing, too, but that was that. "I thought this was going to be fun, but all that gave me was a headache."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard nodded when Yujin asked him if he understood him, he did, very well at that and he forgot that Yujin probably forgot that fact. Adrestian wasn't even necessarily easier for Richard to understand, he grew up with both languages since both of his fathers spoke Thrian and mixed i up every now and then so he would learn it naturally. Yujin asked another question and Richard nodded slowly after a short moment of silence. "My mother...", he answered. "I never met her." She's not the one teaching him Thrian after all. "Nayantai is my fathers husband." he didn't add that he was obviously Thrian, the name said it all and the rest was history that even Yujin should simply know, right? Richard was the son of the former king of Adrestia who married the to be king of Thria and snatched him away as well as their actual king who joined his son in Adrestia after the war. Richard didn't need to explain that to Yujin, did he? Was Nayantai a common name here? He didn't remember how he explained his situation the first time they met.

      Once Richard came back with the pages he got a piece of cloth from Yujin to wipe off his hands and he did, then he placed it on the nightstand and crawled back into bed to continue reading, if Yujin wanted to. There was a lot of complaining as it seemed and then they continued with something that sounded to be an entry before the accident. Then there was a huge gap of about two and a half months if Richard understood the time measurement correctly. Yujin had been hurt badly after all, right? Richard looked at the book presented to him with a handwriting different to the one before. Maybe because he was still hurt? There wasn't any new information however, Richard already knew where Yujin got hurt, that there was a storm and that Quan lost him in there. With that Richard probably knew more than Yujin at this point, but there wasn't anything that didn't fit the picture of an accident that was painted for them. The only new information was that apparently Xu and Quan had a relationship of some form and that... wait. Richard took the book out of Yujins hands, then remembered that he couldn't read it on his own and he grumbled. "Can you read the last entry again...?", Richard slowly asked and once Yujin did Richard wondered why he mentioned his brother there. Then again, maybe Yujin and Quan just fought about that relationship again and that was what got them separated or he never forgave him for dating his brother after all. Richard contemplated if he should tell Yujin about their trip and the only thing really stopping him was the prospect of having to talk a lot. Yujin wanted to know, or didn't he? "I... know more about... about this story." But it didn't make any more sense... "I brought you to the place where it happened." At this point Richard didn't talk Thrian because it was somewhat harder for him, he didn't because he got reminded of his suspicions and he knew that Yujins fathers couldn't understand a word in the case of them listening.

    • None of this information was any help - it was tangible, yes, and made sense in some way, but that was about it. Yujin lacked the knowledge to piece it all together, didn't understand himself too well and Richard was the one that needed him to read all the information aloud, lest they both be stuck in a loop of confusion. "Oh, so ... you're like me?", Yujin suddenly asked, awfully aware that yes, he knew someones mother, but it wasn't his own - it was Xu's, and she was the one that only was allowed to stay because she had to teach him and his brother a language that they taught their little sisters after that. Yujin, however, was just thrian - even if he looked rather unfortunate for one. "Mh, sounds like my p- ... wait, that Nayantai?", he wondered aloud, sounding dumbfounded upon hearing it. Richard was the son of that guy? Well, not by blood, but that didn't matter - it still sounded somewhat familiar and Yujin wasn't stupid enough to not piece one and one together, though, it only made the story worse. Yujin didn't hate the man he didn't know, that he couldn't recall, but he might as well loathe him for the things he'd obviously done to - or not done for - Richard, and it didn't change anything. "Mh, that felt like something I should have known. I'm sorry. Aren't our parents friends, then?"

      Richard had told him for sure, but his head was as messed up as it got at this point - and Yujin was also fairly aware that yes, he was making attempts at getting better and at keeping his mind together, but it also didn't help that yes, he was losing every last straw he picked at and yes, it wasn#t going to get better from here on out. Silence persisted, just for a while, until he recounted what Richard had asked him for - it seemed like a throwaway passage to him, nothing more, nothing out of the ordinary and he'd be surprised if there was anything that changed about that to begin with. Why would it anyway? "It just seems that someone tinkered with the book on purpose.", Yujin addressed the elephant in the room, and yes, that had been fairly obvious by now. But not only that - push had come to shove anyway and he was the one that had to rely on Richard to think for him. What? "How do you ...? Did I tell you something before?", he asked, yet, he doubted it. How would he have managed to do that anyway? Not only was his memory shit, it also only followed that the person he was before, when he met Richard for the first time, couldn't be much different from who he was right about now. "You ... we went there?", he asked, feeling like he was frozen stiff for a second. Something about that sounded oddly foreboding. "I don't remember. Did we ... find something? I just find it odd that I mentioned Xu like that - he wasn't involved in that, but then again, I don't remember him and Quan dating, either."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Richard was like Yujin? He initially didn't understand, but he probably meant that they both only knew their fathers and not the women that gave birth to them. That was true and that Richard was half Adrestian and half Thrian was nothing of Yujins concern as it seemed... or he already figured it by looking at his eyes. "Y-yeah... that one...", Richard answered once Yujin connected the dots successfully. "They are. That's why Nayantai brought me here... to hide me and seek help. You joined your fathers visiting us. That is how we met.", he continued to explain. Yujin forgot soe damn much it was heartbreaking and he also didn't ask Richard about any of that. Probably because Yujin knew he knew Richard and thus he kept up an act, even though Richard was well aware of his bad memory. He could have asked, though then again Richard didn't speak very much anyway, only now he warmed up to it a bit more, because it was harder to shut up and not tell Yujin everything hew knew than simply nodding or shaking his head.

      "Mh yes.", Richard agreed regarding the tinkering of the book and he had an idea but no prove. He wasn't even sure if Muhan lied to them back when they found them at the accident site or if he simply didn't know anything either. "Did you... take your medicine lately...?", Richard asked out of nowhere before thinking a bit more about where to start to tell Yujin what he thought. Suspecting his friends and family to have done something was never easy. Richard purposefully forgot himself that it was his father attacking him and his siblings, because he didn't want to know it and Dayan did too, even though in a different way. Something was fishy and all those involved where friends and family, so this was hard. Was it really worth to uncover the truth? It brought Richard nothing but pain. "I uh... I... you told me about the snowstorm, losing Quan in it and... waking up hurt.", Richard answered, maybe he shouldn't have opened that can of worms. "You found that place with ease... we...", Richard stopped and he looked to the side, he didn't want to hurt Yujin in any way or form. "Do you... really want to know all that? Sometimes forgetting is better..." Richard spoke from his own experience, yet he'd give Yujin answers if he really wanted them.

    • Figuring things out was a pain in the ass, but even more so, there was no need for him to recall any of that - Richard was right, sometimes forgetting was better, even if it was the most bitter of pills to swallow. Then again, Yujin was the one that looked at him, at the usually hurt face that seemed much more hurt and he felt bad - he should have recalled this on his own, should have clung to it and remembered, but it was to no avail - he'd forgotten so much, but he was so close to knowing something about himself, about Richard and their relationship, yet, he couldn't do anything about it. "Mh, and that's when I got up in your face, crawled after you, out of the window, made you push me down a cliff and then you broke my nose, isn't that it?" His memories were all over the place, and yet, that was hardly one of them - Richard had told him that before, but Yujin was the one that was stitching everything together for himself now, like some crude project that he'd finally have to figure out, for the sake of both of them. It helped, somewhat, even if ... "Oh ... I, I don't know if I ever told you that, but I know why I came with them. I theoretically was still on house arrest, I don't know why, and Shuren suddenly asked me if I wanted to come with him and Muhan, insinuating that I needed to be nice to you."

      Then, Yujin sat there for a second, looking up at the ceiling, as if his thoughts had been glued on there or something and he was trying to sort them by looking through them, though, he only came to one conclusion. "I wasn't really on board with that, but then I saw you and felt bad for ever considering not being nice to you. You looked like a hurt cub and I felt obligated to lend you a hand. Or a shoulder to cry on. Well, and then you broke my nose.", he chuckled, as if that reasoning would change anything about the many things he did, but Yujin had already dug his hole, now that he remembered something so silly. "I wanted to apologize for getting all up in your face after that, and kind of snuck out - and then we wound up in your bed, sick. My father was so mad about Nayantai not telling him anything." Yujin recalled that, somewhat clearly now, and it was odd, because the next question that followed made him grit his teeth and he had a hunch why Richard asked him - the text had told him what it did to him, though, it worked differently now. Maybe. "Mhhh, when my leg hurts. Shuren hasn't been paying close attention to it, but normally he makes sure I take it on the regular. Are you trying to insinuate that ... my medication is my problem?", he then questioned, and he probably hit the nail on the head. To Yujin, it didn't make sense, however - the text detailed that yes, the medication cause memory loss and his thoughts to be messed up, but his leg was fine whenever he took it now, and that meant, that Shuren was fairly aware of what was happening beforehand - he just needed to change the formula. Yujin grabbed Richards hand, letting go of that damn book indefinitely, and brushed over his hair with the other one. "Richard, I told you before, right? You can tell me again. I don't want to forget; I never wanted to. The purpose of my medication is to get rid of the pain in my leg, that seems to be chronic regardless. I've already shown and told you, you can tell me again. I'll listen.", he confirmed. This was bound to be one hell of a ride.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Yeah right.", Richard answered slowly, that's what Yujin read a few days ago, but it seemed like he remembered more than that slowly. He remembered a lot lately, so that meant all of his memories were still there, just locked away, but not gone forever. It also seemed like they were triggered by something similar, for example talking about certain events, or seeing certain things. Richard was glad, but also anxious what would happen if Yujin remembered something he didn't want to remember, or what would happen if he recalled their previous relationship. What if he remembered how he felt once Richard left after all and he'd be mad at him? "I... thought you wanted to see the weird blonde kid...", Richard answered truthfully, but apparently everything was different and the moment Yujin saw Richard, he was nice to him, maybe a bit overbearingly so. "Oh yes... you... I got sick and you carried me inside. Then you got sick too...", Richard nodded. He hadn't been very happy about the fact Yujin stayed in his bed with him, but he started to be kind of nice to him. He also opened up a bit and Yujin learned about Richards condition, but that hardly mattered now.

      Those things were probably nice to remember and Richard knew where this was going, yet asking about his accident was a whole other can of worms. "When... when you stayed with me fore a while... without that medication, you... seemed to remember a few things.", Richard mumbled as an explanation. What if Richard was wrong? He suspected Shuren before, but now that he was so nice to him and actually helped him get better, he wasn't so sure. He hadn't even talked to him before, so it felt unfair to judge him like that, maybe there was more to the story or Yujins memories were caused to come back by something else. Richard felt bad to blame someone that had welcomed him here and that essentially has given him another chance on life. Suddenly Yujin put the book away and grabbed Richard, as if he was done with that topic, but no and Richard didn't want to lie to him, also not by leaving anything out. Not telling him he'd go had been a lie too, even if he hadn't made plans or told Yujin he'd stay. "I... o-okay...", he mumbled looking up at Yujin and taking some time to collect his thoughts. "That place... it's about one and a half day of ride away, or one if you ride fast... it's kind of a... hole in the ground. We climbed down, there was a cave and we wanted to check it out. Then we also found... a wooden cross. Like a grave... with your name on it and... uhm... some symbols you told me belong to your family? Suddenly... you started digging the grave up. You found a coat or something, you said it might be yours and inside there was... a heart? Not sure if human, or an animals or why... We spent the night and Muhan and Nayantai came after us dragging us home. I... don't really recall what Muhan said, I'm sorry, it's a long time ago..." And with all that had happened Richards brain didn't seem to deem that important enough to remember. "I confronted him and... he said it was old or something and that it has nothing to do with you... we kind of... left it at that..."

    • Had that truly been it? Maybe, but Yujin wasn't sure, he often times doubted himself and wondered if he was actually doing what he was supposed to - there was no way of knowing or recalling if everything went his way, and there was even less of a chance to figure out if the world was with or against him. Right now, he only had Richard, and to some degree, that meant he could only trust him, even if it seemed asinine to assume that his own family wanted to hurt him - or Yin, for that matter, even if Yujin didn't feel up to the task of marrying her, with or without Richard by his side. "Weird? Blonde? If anything, I think you're pretty cute. And your looks fit you, nothing weird about them - it's not like we never get visitors in Silesse." Hardly, though, and most of them looked like ordinary wolves anyway. Sure, there were a few odd ones, some that didn't quite fit thrian beauty standards - if there even were any - but to Yujin, Richard looked like the most normal person he'd ever met, a cute normal person at that, and maybe one in need of some food, but he didn't want to ask if he ate, yet again. Was that overbearing? "Oh, I carried you before? Pfft, I'm sure I was overjoyed that you let me. Or at least I think I might have complained about never getting to carry you. I do remember something like that." It didn't help his case that yes, his leg hurt like hell if he overexerted it, but Muhan had helped a great deal at building his stamina and while Yujin was still very much lean and didn't have many defined muscles, he wasn't some sort of stick, like Xu ... then again, he doubted his older brother was a stick. "So you're ... telling me that my medication still is the root of all of this?", he questioned as an answer, and while Yujin found it hard to believe, it probably wasn't something that didn't make any sense - gods, was he blind or just questioning himself now? He didn't know, he never would, not when he kept pacing around like that, thinking about many topics at once, one too many at a time. "Hm, should we put that to the test, then?", he suddenly proposed.

      "There's no way of knowing without trying if nobody wants to tell." And there truly wasn't - he felt that they wouldn't get anything out of Shuren and his sisters were, if anything, none the wiser anyway. Xu, on the other hand, seemed to be someone they should keep at an arms length for now, at the very least. "It's fine, take your time.", Yujin assured Richard, squeezing the hand he held and looking at him, listening to what he had to say for now - it took a bit, and Richard wasn't the fastest when it came to words, but he hardly ever spoke a lot - and the information he shared was a lot to divulge anyway. As soon as the blonde finished, he made a disgruntled noise - it sounded close, yet far. "No need, Muhan usually tells the truth, there's no reason for him to lie. He's very adamant about honesty." And Yujin was, too. But he needed a moment, wondering for a bit. "I think I know the place you're talking about? It's like, some sort of crater, full of snow, and at the bottom, there's a cave ... we had a tent in there, I think? I also know what I was probably ... ugh, I was scared of being out at night, alone with you, in the dark, wasn't I?", he tried to deflect, but it was to no avail - he had a headache already, but it only showed him that yes, his brain was fairly aware of all that had happened before any of this. "Wait, I have an idea.", Yujin suddenly mumbled, before grabbing another book out of the three he'd brought and looking through it, as if any of that would help jog his memory more than Richards words did. For now, he only skimmed over the pages and entries, before he found something significant to the situation, or at least tried to discern something. "Fourth of the ... hm, I didn't log this properly at all. But it says here that ... hmm. Went on a trip with Richard. Cried like a baby, too - wow, I'm an embarrassing fool. Asked Shuren about the heart we found and about the assumptions we made, but it only made him mad. Prodding didn't help, I think I earned myself some more house arrest.", he elaborated. Then, his eyes fell on another passage. "Entry of the Fourth, continued: Figured out who it belongs to. Not mine, obviously. Still unsettling. Not allowed to write it down. Don't bring it up again. Ask again if needed." That didn't help. Not at all.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "No one from Adrestia...", Richard mumbled. Hardly anyone from there could survive in Silesse, even some Thrians couldn't survive here. Richard was lucky in that regard it seems, but he wondered if Nayantai knew that before or if he just hoped Richard wouldn't freeze to death here. He might have just locked him up in that hut with a fire. At least out here there were huts and no tents. "I... had a high fever, I almost passed out... if I remember correctly...", Richard explained slowly. "You carried me once more... we fought or... I was upset because of a nightmare, I... don't know anymore. I ran out and... well you had to carry me back inside..." His heart gave out and Yujin thought Richard died, but it hardly mattered and Yujin didn't need more reason to be worried about Richard. It still happened from time to time, but not since he was here. Richard wondered if Shuren knew about that at all. "Test?", he then asked about Yujins idea, not sure how. Just not take it anymore? What about the pain in his leg?

      "Mhh... Shuren gave me... those painkillers. They look different... you can take those?", Richard suggested. He never took them, starting now would maybe be a bit suspicious, but the view that he still had now wouldn't go missing if Yujin took them instead. Richard doubted it was the same Yujin took, he saw how the medication he got looked after all. Richard also figured that Shuren knew about that side effect as he suspected before, but Muhan apparently knew nothing, or didn't want to know that. They told him about the heart and he deflected it, telling him about the medication that may cause Yujins memory loss would probably do nothing either but arise suspicion. Then Richard nodded, Yujins description of that place was correct and also that he was scared, not only that night. Richard had promised to protect him. Then Yujin suddenly took another of those books, skimming through and Richard waited patiently until Yujin found what he had searched for. What else was written about that time in there? "You... figured it out?", Richard asked and he was confused why Yujin didn't write it down. If Shuren told him and forbid him to write it down... why would Yujin comply? Sometimes he was an idiot, but Richard wasn't sure if that applied here. He didn't say anymore either, asking Shuren again might have been an idea, but Richard didn't want to push Yujin there, not like the last time.

    • Yujin had to admit that both him and Richard were the odd ones out in Silesse, but that didn't mean that there weren't more people like him - or Richard, for that matter. "Doesn't mean they can't be blonde.", he smiled, and it was the truth. Sure, it happened rarely and they usually were very sick, but who knew - Richard wasn't the only one that came down here, sported a set of unfamiliar colors, and then disappeared in the wind. However, none of that would make sense either and Yujin wondered if he was just trying his earnest to make Richard feel better about himself, or just prancing around, not knowing anything himself. "And I got sick too, and then we shared your bed. You didn't seem thrilled to have me there, but ... that reminds me, you already didn't sleep all that well back then. Did that ever change?", Yujin asked, and he knew that mostly, the answer was no. Richard still tossed and turned in his very own arms most of the time and the wolf didn't want to imagine if it was any harder for him to get some shut-eye with the wolf not by his side; they usually talked or did something until Richard was physically or mentally exhausted, so much so that he couldn't go on, and that he seemingly fell asleep mid-sentence. Then, however, it clicked for a second. "Wait. Wasn't that because of your ...?" Heart? Yujin tried to suggest, but instead only pointed at Richards chest, where it supposedly sat.

      Sure, that might not have been it, but he did recall being confused and upset, if not disturbed by the fact that Richard dropped dead like a sack of rice that couldn't lean against something any longer - he didn't know more, couldn't recall if he cried, but that wasn't the only time that had happened either. Yujin looked at Richard, bewildered. "We can leave your painkillers for now. What I'm getting at is: If I stop taking them, and my leg starts hurting, that means that I don't have any lingering after effects that would, potentially, impact my memory, right? Were I to start remembering something after that, then that definitely proves my medication is at fault, no?" It was a more scientific and dangerous approach, and Yujin knew that it would mean that he'd be much more bedbound than Richard was at this point, given the fact that he'd need someone or something to support the weight that would go unsupported by his leg; and yet, it was worth as much of a try as it could be. Then, his eyes fell back on the passage that his formed self had written, that seemed so cryptic it was almost eerie - but why didn't he write it down in the first place? Yujin didn't know, but he had a hunch. "Maybe I did. Or I called a bluff.", he suddenly told Richard. "Given that pages are blacked out and missing, and I'm definitely missing one or two of these books entirely, it only follows that someones sticking their nose into things where it doesn't belong." An assumption, nothing more - he knew that he wasn't that smart, though. "I'll ask Muhan, seems to be the safest option out of any that we have. It's either Shuren or Xu sticking their nose into things, no?", he assured Richard, and then, to lighten the mood, skipped back a few chapters, in the search of something, before arriving at the page that he'd mentioned earlier, if not by name. "Last day of the seventh moon: Met Richard ... Arikin? today. That's a confusing name for a confused guy, but he does look somewhat cute. And plenty angry. Broke my nose, talk about a lasting impact. Dad fixed it, father is still whining about it. I'm cold, and possibly getting sick - great, what was I thinking? Nevermind, I'll pay him back somehow. Maybe punch him? No, that sounds mean.", he read aloud, then skipped some entries before he found what he looked for. "Punched Richard today. He deserved that one ... not really, now I feel bad. Maybe I should make it up to him? What do people like him even like?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Mh-hm... my grandfather was here.", Richard agreed noticing how much he talked today, but it felt so... normal. he appreciated that very much even though the topics could have been better. It was nice to see Yujin remember however, even though he had to push him in the right direction, as if it had been plenty of years ago, not hardly one. Richard nodded, they both got sick, probably because they fell into the icy sea, lucky that nothing more had happened. Richard never had been that cold in his life. Then Richard shook his head however. If anything, his nightmares got worse and he had plenty more, different ones not only one specific. There was too much to have bad dreams about after all. Without Yujin Richard would probably not be able to close his eyes for a minute. He hadn't been able in Myriad and it got worse and worse. When he first came to Silesse he woke up in cold sweat after a few hours, now he got even less rest. Then Richard nodded again when Yujin pointed at his chest, but he didn't want to explain much more if Yujin didn't ask.

      Richard slowly nodded again at Yujins idea, even though he wasn't so sure about it. It was like with Dayan when he had had a stupid plan and Richard was just following along, thinking the whole time that they'd get in trouble for it. Richard didn't even know if that proved anything, maybe there was still part of that medication in Yujins system, or it scrambled his whole brain and what was with his pain? Richard didn't even push Yujin into trouble anymore and still they found their way there. it was also true that someone messed with his stuff, but given that Shuren was the one providing Yujin with that medication, he was pretty sure it was him. How Xu fit into that, he didn't know. Richard agreed again with a nod, but suddenly that castle seemed a lot less save. Richard doubted Muhan would tell Yujin anything, he hadn't been very helpful thus far. Yujin kept on reading however, about him and Richard. Yujin did punch him and he probably felt bad immediately afterwards. Did Yujin make up for it? The next time they met they went to the den, didn't they? And then... maybe Yujin should stop reading, Richard wasn't even sure if he wanted to read what he wrote about that night, but he said nothing.