bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

“I’m like a disease, I guess.” That wasn’t funny, but the heart problems that Richard had weren’t going to disappear into thin air, much like Yujin wasn’t, not right now and not anytime soon, as long as the blonde still hung in and around Thria - this would be easy, a fair game and they’d eventually realize that they both were fucked, wasn’t it that? “I can’t blame them, some traditions are just lame. Like, if I had to marry Yin and them kill myself just because she passed away? In what world does that make sense? Especially if it’s an arranged marriage and I never loved the person I was married to to begin with.” This was stupid, it always would be, but thrians cherished any bond they had and it only followed that they dirn’t want to replace them with new ones when an old one broke - or that it was unwise to take ones life during a war when there weren’t many people that were capable of fighting left anyway. “Probably fucked, caught feelings and regretted it - I know someone that’s just like that”, he did mean himself and Richard, that much was painfully obvious, but what else was he to do with what limited time they had?

“Owww, don’t manhandle me! Be delicate!”, he demanded all of a sudden, but the elbow hurt and he was hurt now, looking like someone had just kicked a lost puppy into some puddle because they couldn’t stand the sight of it. “I wouldn’t have asked you to blow me if I didn’t find you stunning, you know!” This was getting all kinds of stupid, he saw that now and he had had to see that earlier, too, but he didn’t and why? Because Yujin of Silesse was a lovestruck idiot that called himself the disease when in fact, love was the culprit all along for both of them and they failed to admit or recognize that. “I’ll do that and yes, I’d like some tea - I hope you know how to make it better than I do, though.” Yujin was still embarrassed about that, but he’d make do and eventually cut meat from bone and the meat into smaller pieces, though, he couldn’t skewer them like this, they should have brought some oil and marinated them with the spices that Richard picked out, but he took the raven apart, too, and he hoped to god that this wouldn’t attract any wild animal that would like a bite of them or their horses instead. Once it was seasoned, though, he did start to skewer it and eventually put the read end of the skewer in the ground next to the fire, they wouldn’t need to hold it like that, which was good. “All done!”, he announced. Richard could see that, couldn’t he?

"You mean because you leave me behind sweating and breathless?", Richard asked. Fuck. Jokes were out of character and he knew why, this was a bad one and it was cheesy as hell. "Er... nevermind.", he added clearing his throat. Gods, he should just shut up, it would have been better if he just yelled at Yujin again. In turn Yujin talked about his girlfriend as if he didn't love her in the first plac again and Richard by now was pretty sure he didn't. Didn't Nayantai marry his wife because he had to too? And what was it worth? Not much. "I think it's cruel. There is more than one person relying on you. If Nayantai killed himself because my father died, I'd truly be all alone.", h pointed out. He didn't want to lose more than one person at once, actually he didn't want to lose anyone anymore. He didn't care if this was selfish on his part or not. He knew that Nayantai sometimes rather be dead, but Richard was the same, yet he had something to do in this world still. "Oh now you think our fathers were in love at some point?", Richard asked and almost chuckled about it. "And they still are and Shuren is mad about it? Do you think that?" That would be funny but it probably wasn't true.

"Don't be an idiot then!", Richard retaliated, but Yujin did a good job acting hurt. Or was he? No way, right? He didn't even stop, so the elbow didn't work. "Fine!", Richard yelled out then leaned over and kissed Yujin. He kissed him for more than just a mere second and when he pulled back, he looked at him closely. "Will that shut you up?", he asked, before going back to his actual work, caring for the meat. The tea was probably ready by now too, but Richard didn't taste it just yet, though he didn't want it to grow cold. First he finished up the meat though and once he did Yujin already skewered his and put it next to the fire. Richard did the same, skewered the meat on his stick and then put the stick in the snow so he didn't have to hold it. Then once more he washed his hands with some snow. Afterwards he finally could taste the tea and it was actually good and still hot, which was nice. It warmed him up from the inside out. Out here it was pretty cold, it always was, but usually Richard wasn't out for that long and mostly took a break inside here and there. Good thing he brought the Thrian coat, even if climbing on the horse with it wasn't that easy. Now they just needed to wait. The fire was pretty hot and while his back was freezing, Richards face felt like burning sometimes, this was odd. He put in some more wood after a bit and eventually took the stick wth his meat and started to nibble on it as long as it was still hot. He didn't want to burn his tongue. Speaking of burning... "Yujin I think your meat is more than done already..."

“That wouldn’t make me a disease but rather a tease, and here I thought you were fluent in adrestian!”, Yujin laughed, he did catch onto the joke and it was fun to see Richard behaving like this, to stop being that sad sap that couldn’t even help himself with anything. Did he dread this or was all of this just another way of coping with something? The wolf didn’t know, but he wouldn’t inquire about something like this again, not once. “If you want to find yourself sweating and breathless, you’d have told me and I’d have brought oil - this time I didn’t, so that means you’ll have to put that mouth of yours to good use.” In the end, he still was a tease, focused on nothing much but his own things, he knew as much and he’d continue to know as much if all of this went on - that Richard was, unfortunately, one of these things didn’t help, not one bit. “You’d have … uh, no, nevermind. I know, that’s probably why nobody really wanted to enact it. Imagine you live somewhere in a small settlement, your spouse dies and you have a small child - what on earth would you do? Die? That’s stupid.” It really was. The sheeps weren’t that wrong when they said that the wolves were monsters, weren’t they? “Maybe they fucked, who knows. Thing is, Shuren doesn’t seem to mind and maybe we should annoy them and see what their reaction to our speculation is?”

Knowing Muhan, he’d either grow terribly awkward and silent or he’d be a mess, the biggest one that Yujin had ever seen, despite his old man being one of the strongest fighters he knew, and one of the most annoying and flirtatious people he’d ever seen in action - which, in itself, was a misfortune - Muhan was also shit at taking compliments, but overly confident in dishing them out and making people swoon. Heugh, disgusting. Wait, what? His cheeks felt slightly warm, not from the fire, that was for sure, and he smiled with vigor, as if he just got a victory kiss from a maiden. “Mhm!” It sure did. After that, he went back to his tasks, sporadically shoot Richard a glance, to see what he was going and now that they were playing a little waiting game for their meat, he wondered if it was alright to inch closer to the blonde and cuddle up to him, yet he didn’t, he couldn’t, because that seemed like a s- “My wh- ah, fuck”, he hissed and eventually did grab the improvised skewer to pull it out of the fire. Slightly toasted, huh? “Well, never said I was good at cooking”, he laughed and blew on it, in hopes of it cooling down ever so slightly - shit, huh? “Thanks for reminding me, though”, he said and eventually inched closer to Richard, to have at least their shoulders touch a little. “This is fine, right?”

"Like a fever I meant... gods... forget it.", Richard wasn't good at making jokes so he should rather leave that to Yujin, he joked all the damn time anyway. Richard couldn't be like this, not anymore as it seemed. Was he ever good at making jokes? No. Dayan was good at it, but him? He was always a little bit awkward, but that was usually fine, Dayan didn't mind, especially not when they were out and about alone, climbing some mountain or trees. What if Richard lost Yujin just as he lost Dayan? He didn't want to feel that pain ever again, but he still felt way to close to him. Even more close as to Dayan, or well... different. He definitely didn't see Yujin as his brother, but something else, definitely also not just a friend, he knew as much. "Well maybe I just thought you'd have a brain of your own.", Richard scuffed. He didn't come out here intending to sleep with Yujin bit it also had been a while and they were all alone. Either way, they wouldn't and he had a dept to pay, he knew that, Yujin didn't need to remind him. "Mh... if Nayantai grows silent when I ask, I know he did.", he explained. If it wasn't true the old man would maybe muster a small laugh or smile, shake his head and ask Richard where he had that idea from.

At least Yujin shut up now and stopped complimenting Richard for the most stupid things. He wasn't as awesome as Yujin made him to be, not at all. But it was funny to see Yujin flattered now, because he forgot his meat and it already smelled funny. Richard was afraid he'd burn himself the way he quickly grabbed his skewer with the meat, but apparently he was fine. "You actually told me you're pretty bad.", Richard nodded and took a bite from his own meat, it was quite tasty, the seasoning was good too and the tea did the rest. This was actually a fine dinner, it tasted good and he had great company, besides he did feel good today, not all depressed or angry like usual, maybe because out here everything else seemed very far away. "No problem... I mean you could have smelled that burnt scent too.", Richard mumbled and suddenly felt Yujins shoulder on his own. What the... "Don't think about stealing my food, just because you burnt yours!", he blurted out and held his meat on the skewer away from Yujin.

“I know, you didn’t want to allude to having sex and here he is again, the great Yujin of Silesse, being a horny bitch”, the wolf laughed. Acceptance was a step in the right direction, he knew as much, but the truth was, he didn’t know what else to do - he wasn’t overly confident and most of the time that he thought of something funny, it all turned into something else, something that not everyone wanted to hear, but Richard was here to be entertained by him and to entertain him, so actually, there was no harm in any of this and as silly as it was, Yujin liked it for being just that. “How would I know that you were horny? Should I just craft you a necklace with an oil vial instead of a jewel?” Not that Richard was going to like that, in fact, he wondered how one of those engagement necklaces would look on him, how much of the burned skin it hid and what of it it adorned, amplified and if it would hurt, be unbearable to wear, or something like that. “For Muhan it’s when he suddenly tries to divert the topic with a stupid joke”, he mused, but soon enough grinned. Wait, there was something that he actually did remember, this would prove interesting, wouldn’t it?

“Because I am”, he admitted, became flustered while doing so and it all sounded as if it was, well, wasn’t all of this one big mistake? But not only that, he was sure of it, it also felt as if nothing in their little world could quite disturb the peace they had right now, even if he was picking burned meat from a wooden stick and it … it did taste slightly bad, but it was fine. The spices were good and if he ignored most of the burned taste, it actually wasn’t so bad - Richard had done a good job with seasoning their dinner, that much was for sure. “But I didn’t because I was preoccupied with annoying you”, Yujin admitted, but he still ate what he had, even though it was slightly hot. “That’s not what I wanted, I just want to be close, but if you don’t want to sit like this, I have an idea”, he elaborated, grabbed the skewer and held it between his teeth, before he did sit down in a more comfortable position, grabbed Richard with both hands and pulled him into his lap. “This is better”, the prince announced before he resumed eating as if he hadn’t just done something ludicrous like this - oh well, who cared? “If we had some grapes, I could feed you those, but they’d probably be frozen already.”

"You are...", Richard grumbled, damn he just wanted to make a joke, was that so hard? Since he needed to explain it, it wasn't funny anymore, what a pain! "Shut up! You're such an idiot! Besides, we agreed to be fuck buddies, right? So what else would I do with you! Isn't that why we meet in the first place?", Richard asked but it actually wasn't. Yujin came by for the seeds and soil, not for anything else. And Richard dragged him out here, because he wanted to have a little adventure, to do something stupid and reckless, not to have him all to himself, he could have had that in Silesse as well. Even now he may have wanted to cuddle, but that was enough, there didn't need to be more. "So if we both ask Nayantai and Muhan and we get certain reactions that suggest the same outcome, we are sure either way.", Richard concluded. He didn't actually believe that they had a relationship or anything, that would just be weird, right? And why would Nayantai have married some woman he didn't love. Rikiya didn't seem like the type that forced anyone into a commitment he didn't want.

"I know, the tea you brewed was disgusting too.", Richard answered but at least today the tea was good and the meat was too. Well Richards meat was, Yujin burnt his. But it was seemingly edible, because Yujin didn't throw it away and still ate from it. "Maybe that teaches you not to annoy me!", Richard gave back and he wouldn't give Yujin any of his meat, but there also was still enough meat left, they wouldn't be hungry even if Yujin burnt some more pieces of meat. "What now?", Richard asked and suddenly was pulled onto Yujins lap. Then he just ate as if this was perfectly normal. "You're such an idiot!", Richard yelled out, not sure how often he had said that today. "I'm not a child!", he made clear. "And I'm not your wife either!" It wasn't appropriate to sit on Yujins lap, what was this even? WOlves were so weird and Richard tried to stand up again, only to drop his damn meat. "No!", he yelled out as if it had been the last piece. It wasn't but he was hungry and now he needed to wait for another one to cook. "Damn you!", he grumbled and eventually got off of Yujin and crawled to their meat to get another one going.

"You called yourself that, I just agreed.", Richard made clear. After all he didn't come up with this, Yujin came up with it himself. Was Yujin horny? Well as much as Richard probably, but right now he wasn't even out for anything, but he also didn't think that they'd manage to lay in the same tent without anything happening. Either way, that didn't need to be sex, after all Richard - for some reason - liked cuddling with Yujin just as much and maybe he'd even be able to sleep through the night. "I didn't and I still don't. We'll travel further tomorrow, unless you're scared suddenly.", Richard answered. No he didn't want to waste his time. Sure having Sex wasn't necessarily but that long? That sure was a waste and they'd not be able to in the first place. "You're the only one able to check that. I doubt that of all the little things Nayantai grabbed before leaving with me, he grabbed a necklace from a man he didn't see for almost twenty years, especially not after his husband died only weeks earlier.", Richard explained. Again he was brushing over a topic that wasn't too nice, but by now he seemingly stopped caring an d grew numb to it. Slowly but surely. It still hurt, but he didn't feel like yelling.

"If it shuts you up.", Richard answered and because they were talking about it, drank from his tea and with that his cup was empty. He was sure he could use the same herbs for another brew and thus he just poured some more water over it and waited a bit. "So you're the wife?", Richard asked but he was pretty sure, that wasn't what Yujin meant. As opposed to Adrestia were two men couldn't marry in Thria it was possible for a long time and when they did they were both husband to one another - no wife needed. But that wasn't why Richard was saying it, sitting on Yujins lap was just odd. "You ruined my food! So stay away and let me eat!", Richard grumbled and still waited for another piece to be ready. It was cold and he wasn't opposed to being closer together, but Yujin was a tad bit too needy right now and he wanted to be a tad bit too close. Being hugged from behind was nice, sitting shoulder to shoulder was too. Ugh... now he just wanted to sit here without anyone droping his meat.

"Well if you hurt yourself, I'll bring you back.", Richard made clear. He didn't want Yujin to get hurt in the first place and if he still was, he'd better bring him home so a doctor could look at him. He didn't want Yujin to lose his leg because of an infection or something other stupid. They didn't try to run away, this was just an adventure and no one should get hurt, that was not the goal. And it definitely wasn't worth to keep going if one of them needed help. Besides, he'd just be scolded for dragging a bleeding Yujin even further. Was thi even a good idea in the end? Richard had no problem with having blood on his hands because he gutted an animal, but if it was Yujins... he wasn't sure how he'd react, he wasn't sure how deep his wounds were. Richard would just need to go ahead to run into every trap himself, before Yujin could trip one. Never again did he want to see someone he loved getting hurt. "Just be careful... alright?", Richard asked of him. "We gift each other rings. But Nayantai has a necklace from my father. Well not really, my father just had one... and he accidently gifted it to Nayantai without knowing what it meant. It's... actually a pretty sweet story. Nayantai kept it, I'm not sure if he was able to bring it with us though.", Richard explained and started to draw something into the snow with his finger. Gods, he missed his dad...

"Because of a cup of tea?", Richard asked. "Just forget it then." Again Yujin had problems Richard wouldn't even call one, it was odd what he got worked up about and why didn't he forget that of all things? That hadn't even been important. "And sheep men don't sit on each others laps.", Richard simply answered because all of that was completely besides the point. He wasn't supposed to be treated like a girl, because he was none and when he sat on Yujins lap he was taller than him which was weird. It wasn't even comfortable for either of the and how were they supposed to eat like that? Now however Yujin was the one pouting and mulling over the fact that Richard just wanted to eat in peace. That was exactly the reason he didn't want a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. It was exhausting and he'd be supposed to apologize for something he didn't even do wrong, just to make something stupid right that wasn't even worth a fight. He didn't mind those things before, if he would have had a girlfriend in Adrestia, he probably would have run after her like an idiot and he would have told her whatever she wanted to hear. But he wasn't in Adrestia and he was no ones boyfriend and thus he just sat there, enjoyed the quiet and eventually ate his meat once it was ready.

The mood shifted drastically and Richard wasn't sure why. For now he ate his meat, skewered the last pieces and ate them as well after Yujin was done already. Yujin was right in hunting a second animal. The sun set, it was growing darker and colder but the horses were calm, so there was nothing to worry about. Yujin made himself small, Richard saw that and he didn't believe this was still about Richard not wanting him that close, at least not for the same reasons. Maybe it had been a mistake to bring him out here after he hadn't been anywhere else but Silesse for a long while. Richard didn't know what to say and instead of thinking about it for too long, he got up to put some more wood into the fire, he didn't want it to burn out just yet. Then he collected the rest of the bones and guts, everything of their meal they left and brought it all together. He buried a hole in the snow, put that stuff in and closed the hole up again. This should help keeping nosy animals away that smelled the dead meat and would maybe try to find it. The wood was actually close, so Richard doubted animals had it hard to hunt for food. They'd be left alone out here, there probably were no hungry wolves around, just reasonably fed ones.

After that was done too, he eventually slowly walked up to Yujin, put a hand on his shoulder and crouched down next to him. "I'm sorry.", he mumbled, even though he probably didn't need to apologize, or did he? He wasn't sure what Yujin meant, was coming out here too much for him? But then he said he wouldn't go back. They would eventually, right? Yujin didn't expect Richard to bring him too far, did he now? Either way, it didn't matter, because right now Yujin was shivering and he never grew cold, so that wasn't it. Richard put his arms around the wolf, not sure what was going on inside him. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?", he eventually asked, but also let himself fall on his ass instead of crouching like that, then he pulled Yujin a little bit closer. "I'll protect you. I'm more capable than stupid Quan, you know? And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if you got hurt because I had a stupid idea."

Did he even need to be angry at Richard? It didn’t seem like that, he was sure that all of this was but a farce and that he himself wasn’t going to find something useful, not right now and not anytime soon, he was just rummaging within him and he was tired, exhausted, but not as tired and exhausted as Richard was. In comparison, his problems were minuscule at best and he didn’t have to suffer what the blonde had to experience, this felt wrong and stupid and all sorts of something that it shouldn’t. Yujin had fucked up, hadn’t he? Why was he stupid enough to say yes, to run out here with an almost stranger and then claim that this was fine, that the lack of thick castle walls and all those other things weren’t bothering him? He had done fine in the hut, he knew that, but he hated the silence and that was probably why he always wanted to wake the blonde up, too, when he was going to be out and about in no time. The snow gave way under someones feet and he listened, though it was just Richard, doing many things at once while the useless prince - that he was - wasn’t doing anything. Great. Richard had called him spoiled, entitled and a mix of other things and he was sure that he was just that. A brat.

“It’s not your fault”, he spoke, he didn’t sound angry, just exasperated and a bit dead, though, who wouldn’t be after a long day like this? The night was still young and pitch black, his heart hammered against his chest with so much vigor that something was foul and the hand on his shoulder felt as if it burned through clothing and skin alike. The touch grew warmer, harder to bear when the blonde came closer and tried to comfort him, seemingly at least, all the while Yujin was left wondering why he was being comforted - his problems were stupid. “Compared to you, my problems feel like they aren’t anything. I’m acting out over the stupidest shit”, he grumbled and honestly, he wasn’t wrong, yet, anger was not going to get him anywhere and he also wasn’t going to redefine something by just giving up and spending the night in the snow, cold and alone and shivering. “Everything out here is so vast and empty, it’s so silent when nobody talks and it’s eerie”, the wolf forced through his throat, there still was that knot that he couldn’t quite swallow down and he felt almost choked up. “I haven’t been out here in a while, it’s … just so empty and I know you … you don’t need to protect me, you know?”, Yujin sounded muffled, he knew as much, his eyes hurt and they stung and he was glad that Richard couldn’t see the tears that were starting to well up in his eyes. “I’m scared, I don’t want to be, this is fine, I finally have what I want. But … I’ll forget that, again. I always forget. I hate it. I don’t want that.”

Richard wasn't sure what was wrong, he wasn't sure what Yujin was afraid of all of a sudden, but Richard also didn't think that some stupid misplaced words would have an impact like this on the prince. Richard may have been wrong about Yujin being lucky he forgot what happened to him. At least Richard knew exactly what he was afraid of and what hurt him every night. He knew what to look out for and thus he wasn't scared of some wild animals or the dead of night. Actually being all alone and out here was not scary at all, being around other people was, especially knowing that someone might still be out for him. Maybe someone sent a wolf out here to kill him, paid him good money for that, but he'd have it hard finding him here. Yujin however was afraid of not knowing and thus he was afraid of almost everything, wasn't it that? "Whatever. I don't mind. We're stuck out here. It's not like I can just run off or send you home, we're in this together, so your problems matter as much as mine and I have mine under control right now.", Richard answered, but he knew he wasn't good at something like this. Another reason why he didn't want to be Yujins boyfriend. He couldn't give him what he needed.

"You're feeling exposed, is that it?", Richard asked and looked around, the sun went down so fast in Silesse, by now it was completely dark yet it probably wasn't even that late. Richard took one of Yujins hands and squeezed it softly. "I'm right here and I won't go anywhere.", he said, not sure what it was Yujin needed to hear to feel better. "Listen to Batu, she's calm, that means we're fine. If something was up, the horses would pick it up." How long had it been since Yujin was camping this far from town? Richard never truly was scared during his trips, but that probably was because Dayan had always been with him and now he knew hot to handle situations like this. He'd not been in the middle of Thria to camp, but he knew his stuff. Was it wild animals Yujin was afraid of, or people that might find them? Maybe none of that. "I want to protect you. We're a team right now.", Richard answered. Yujins voice sounded so different, was he crying? "You've remembered things making an impression on you. You're scared, maybe that's a good thing, maybe you'll be able to remember and if not, I will just tell you about the adventure again. How we hunt, how you won, how you ruined my food by being yourself." That was easy to say now, but Richard wouldn't be here forever to do just that... "Tell me what to do to make you feel better."

"What? Should I just go to sleep while you sit here shivering?", Richard asked almost harshly. He was going out of his way to help Yujin and he just told him over and over again that he didn't need to. He couldn't just leave this nutcase here on it's own, but it felt like the roles got completely mixed up. Richard always had been the one that needed help if anyone, Dayan cared for him and made him less scared, especially when they were much younger and ran off somewhere or climbed a tree only for Richard not being able to get down again. Dayan needed to tell him he'd be fine, he should just jump and he'd catch him - he did, every single time. Now Richard was the one telling someone else it'll be fine, that there was nothing to be afraid of and while he himself wasn't, he wasn't sure if he was able to bring the point across as good as Dayan did. Richard always needed to rationalize things when he was scared and thus Dayan told him some facts that proved to him that all was fine, but Richard wasn't sure if that was what Yujin needed. "I'm bad at this, I'm sorry."

"Are you feeling more comfortable if we put out the fire? We'll be less visible.", Richard asked. It only burned to keep them warm and maybe to drive off some wild animals, but Richard doubted any animal would come here to attack them or the horses. There were plenty of smaller and less dangerous animals in the nearby forest, it would be just fine out here. He also made sure to keep the smell of dead meat and blood away from their camp. "And we're both not helpless. We're armed and you know I can pack a punch." Yet he had been unable to save anyone, why would it be different with Yujin? Maybe next time someone attacked he'd freeze again and do nothing... But Yujin didn't need to know that. "Let's get into the tent. Maybe you'll feel better with something over your head.", Richard suggested and stood up, but he left his hands on Yujins body and eventually grabbed his arm to pull him on his feet. "I'll hold you inside.", he answered, maybe Yujin would eventually fall asleep and then it would have been a hassle to drag him into the tent. He also couldn't leave him out in the cold, they established that in the morning. "You don't need to apologize. If you're feeling better, we'll just ride back in the morning."

“That’s … that’s not what I meant”, Yujin answered, he really did sniffle and he really was pathetic right now, wasn’t he? Not only that, he also was trying his earnest to figure himself out, to understand what it was that really made him fear being out here, but Yujin wasn’t sure what it was, what it would be and what if it all was for naught, what if he never found out what it was? What did it matter, though - in the end he was still here, he’d forget all of this and he’d not pay it any attention, he couldn’t and there was no need to think too much about it. Forgetting it was a good way out, wasn’t it? “You’re trying, it’s fine”, he answered and he knew that Richard didn’t mean any if this in some sort of bad way, he genuinely wanted to help, give him some advice or rather make him feel save, though, the wolf couldn’t help it, he just wanted to be smaller than he could make himself and not be part of this endless, numbing white void that had no beginning and no end. Was that was had sent him into a frenzy last time he was out here with Quan? Something was scratching onto the back of his consciousness, that much was apparent, but … he didn’t know much himself, did he now?

“No … then, then it’s going to be even more silent”, the wolf stammered, he wasn’t sure himself, what the fuck was this, who the fuck was he? This was stupid, wasn’t it? A fire wouldn’t protect him until the end of time, it wouldn’t serve as some sort of shield to hide beneath, he knew that, he ought to - he couldn’t, could he? Yujin didn’t know what he want; what he could, whatever it was, there were so many things he definitely didn’t excel at and that he couldn’t do anything about, he knew as much, didn’t he? “Mhm.” That was right, they weren’t helpless, yet he felt like he’d be once they saw themselves confronted by something he deemed scary, he’d be no use to Richard, like he always was - everything he was good at was being a bother, someone that was conceited, that couldn’t do anything, but then he found something pulling on him, dragging him to his feet. “I might as well try, sorry”, he apologized once more, but he did search for Richards hand, did squeeze it, and did pull on it to actually get into their tent like that. Yujin didn’t even care, just kicked his boots off and crawled in, and why? Just because, of course, because he didn’t want to let go and he wanted to hold Richard close. “I don’t want to go back”, he made clear once more. “What’s the purpose of this trip if we don’t even reach the place that I’ve been at? We can still make it back tomorrow night, I’ll be fine.” He wouldn’t be, would he now?

"I know, don't worry. Just stop telling me I shouldn't do this if you want it.", Richard answered with a soft sigh. He wasn't mad, just unsure what to do and unsure if it was wise to bring Yujin here, but hadn't he gone further on his own before? They didn't even reach the border where all those traps lay, right? Or were this one day trips before, without camping? Maybe Yujin was scared because whatever happened to him, happened at night. Maybe he just had gotten lost and was all alone somewhere dark, in the middle of the night, maybe he remembered that feeling instead of remembering it consciously. Quan was useless wasn't he? He should have never lost Yujin in the first place, what an idiot. Would Richard feel the same if he went back to Adrestia? To Myriad? If he entered the castle? Well he would never make it there, so it probably didn't matter. Richard held Yujin a little closer, pressed his head against his chest and just looked at the burning fire himself. "Then we'll leave it like that.", Richard answered. If silence was bothering Yujin he was with the wrong guy, Richard didn't talk too much.

Once they stood up Yujin dragged Richard to the tent instead of the other way around. He kicked of his boots, then crawled in and Richard went in behind him, sitting with his feet still outside to untie his boots. But before he did that, he grabbed Yujins arms and draped them around himself, so he'd be close, even though he couldn't hold him right now. "Alright then. We'll keep going.", Richard answered and once he got out of his shoes, left them outside and fixated some part of the tent to the floor, so the wind wouldn't get to them. The tent was made out of a fabric that should hold it off. "When you ran before, did you never spend a night out here?", Richard asked, he did go alone as well right, how did he manage back then? It probably didn't matter and now that Richard got out of his shoes and the tent was shut he turned around to prepare their bed so to speak. It was dark, even though the fire still burned a few meters away. Richard wasn't able to see much but some shadows, but it didn't disturb him. Instead he found Yujins shoulders and opened up the outer layer of his clothes for him. He got out of his own coat as well, those would make for good blankets during the night, then they had some fur on the ground which made all of this much more soft as well as some extras they could drape over them if they grew cold out here. Richard probably would at some point, especially when he wasn't moving and the temperatures at night dropped even more. "There is no need to be scared. Nothing will happen to you.", Richard assured him once more and eventually grabbed Yujins hand again as well as he pressed his forehead against the wolfs. His free hand wiped some tears off of Yujins cheeks, he couldn't see much, but he suspected to find some wet spots. "Do you want me to tell you a story, so it won't be so silent?"

What was he afraid of? Yujin didn’t know that himself and that was his biggest mistake, wasn’t it? Not only that, he could have went places anyway and truth be told, he didn’t have to act out like that either. Did it spoil the mood? Most likely, but what was worse was that he couldn’t stop himself from crying or feeling pathetic and that some lousy tent wasn’t a good replacement for any castle walls, as thick as ice, and Yujin started to notice that, one way or the other, didn’t he? All of this brushed past him, the realization of this world being nothing but a farce and the moment that he came to the conclusion that he, of all people, didn’t amount to much. A second prince was as good as useless, wasn’t it that? “I’m sorry”, he admitted and that was pretty much all that he could think of, all that his vocabulary consisted of. Yujin was, by far, not ready to go anywhere and feigning confidence was the worst thing he could have done, but he still did and why? Because he wanted Richard to feel good, because he wanted the blonde to be impressed and not throw him away like some used tissue, dammit! However, all that had fetched him was this annoying situation and some hands that were softly trying to caress him and wipe away those tears, even if it was pitch black.

“Once”, he explained, but what happened then? He was out here alone, once, but that was it, wasn’t it? “I can’t remember.” This was frustrating to sat the least, but what was worse was, that he was fairly aware that nothing worked out in his favor, not always, not all the time and that he could try as one might, he’d be losing those marbles of his sooner than later if all of this went on as it did. Richard took the weight off of his shoulders, more in a literal sense and he wouldn’t mind, he never did, he wasn’t cold and it felt odd to be treated like this, much as it felt weird enough to be seen like this, but the fabric shut out the rest of the world, everything except darkness and noise, that was. Now that they lay there, all of his worries felt odd, they didn’t dissipate but what was he scared of? Richard was there, always had been and he couldn’t just forget the existence of an entire person - as long as the blonde lived, he’d live, too, to some degree. Yujin squeezed Richards hand back, wondered what it was that made him do that, but he knew well enough why he’d never not do this - he enjoyed this, didn’t he? “With you around, I’ll be fine”, he repeated, trying to cheer himself up and it worked, albeit semi-well and the half-wolf had done most of the work to begin with. “If you want to, I’d like to listen.”

Some flickering flames outside of the tent were all that spent some light. In here it was only dark and dancing shadows and some redish glow from outside. He couldn't see Yujins face very well, he couldn't see his expression, so he needed to listen to his voice to find out how he truly felt. "Stop apologizing...", Richard mumbled, there was no point to it and no need either. Richard knew that he had said he didn't want any of this, he didn't want attachment and he didn't want to be Yujins boyfriend, because he couldn't give him what he expected of him, but right now the situation was different. First of all Richard was the one dragging Yujin out here without thinking, he was the one that wanted to do something stupid, that wanted to piss off Yujins dad that didn't want to let him go anyway. In the end maybe he knew him better, he sure did and maybe he did know that it would only hurt Yujin and that he couldn't handle being anywhere else but in Silesse. He couldn't remember what happened and that meant he couldn't truly work through it, right? Even though Richard knew that remembering didn't necessarily make things better. The second reason Richard did care about him right now was that they were out in the wilderness, just the two of them and they needed each other to survive. There wasn't that much danger out here, but leaving the other behind wasn't something Richard would do ever. Right now their survival was closely tied to how the weakest link of them performed and right now it seemed to be Yujin. That was fine, Richard just needed to pick him up somehow.

"It*'s fine.", Richard said, maybe he shouldn't have asked, but Yujin survived out here before, alone, without Richard. His chances were better with him so there was no need to worry. Instead of just squeezing Yujins hand, Richard started to softly brush over his skin with his thumb, maybe that would calm him down a little bit more. "You will be.", he mumbled. That wasn't exactly how he pictured this trip, he imagined they'd continue to have fun and fuck around, he though they'd just talk about stupid stuff like they did all the way until they ended up where they were now. Yujin however didn't want to go back and if they kept going, even if they skipped the hunt, Richard doubted they'd be back before the next day. Could Yujin truly manage that? Maybe they'd be better off talking about it tomorrow morning once more, instead of now. "Fine. The necklace my father gave Nayantai. I'm not sure how much history tells, but Nayantai was kept prisoner in Adrestia. Eventually though he came to my father. I think he was scared, even though he probably wouldn't admit it and he was angry and broken. My father however didn't treat him like a wild animal, nor did he treat him like a dog. He wanted him to tell him stories about his home, since my father never was supposed to see any of that. He wanted to be friends with him, gave him a hot bath, clothes and an own room in his mansion in Fhaergus. He gifted him a book my grandfather brought him, it was written in Thrian, Rain had no clue what it said, but he figured Nayantai would be happy having something that reminded him of home. He was happy about it and kept it. Eventually my father found something else he wanted to give him, a trinket of sorts, definitely Thrian, so he wanted it to belong to Nayantai. He gave it to him with a smile, after they had only known each other for a few rough days. Nayantai looked at it bewildered, my father wasn't sure what was wrong, but eventually Nayantai smiled for the first time. Talking to each other proved difficult, because neither of them spoke the others language, but somehow Nayantai made my father understand that he just gave him an engagement present. My father was embarrassed back then and he laughed, but you know how it ended..." They fell in love, they married, they had children, as if it was fate or as if those necklaces made a marriage come true, not matter the circumstances. "How was that story?"