bloodbound. (earinor & akira)

Was that what Arikin meant with a whole can of worms? Actually, a can of worms probably didn't even suffice, Yujin felt as if he'd forced open something else, something that was more akin to a landslide that he'd kicked loose, all because he kept running his mouth, because he kept insisting he'd know how to help, or rather he'd try to. How pathetic was he, really? It seemed as if nothing was of use, as if speaking to Richard would only make it worse and yet, he'd agreed, despite holding to shaking hands against his own and having a heavy head pressed against the one he had on his shoulders as well. Thougths were running rampant for both of them, but while Richard tried to confront what had been tearing him apart, inside and outside, Yujin was the one that listened, the one that wondered if that was all there was to it, if he could listen, or even offer up sufficient advice. "You first, I'll listen", he reassured his fellow wolf once more. There was no way of knowing, was there now? Besides, there also wasn't any way for him to figure something out, hell, there was no way for him to understad all that much, was there? Right about now, it was as if he'd pulled on a string and just because he did, somewhat hard at that, he was pulling Richard apart at his seams, something that the blonde hadn't wanted before but now, when it got too hard to keep thinking about it all, bottling it up, it suddenly turned into something entirely different, didn't it?

Whatever he heard didn't actually make much sense and the pressure on his forehead felt somewhat uncomfortable right about now, as if Richard would rather discard his own body, his thoughts and share the remainder of his days with him, in that body of his, to not be reminded of who he was, of who he would be and of what was going to haunt him. "Shhh, no need to apologize. I know you're tired, we both are, alright?" Once more he tried reassuring Richard something, anything really and that, while it was besides the point, felt as if it was a crime in itself. But why? Because he shouldn't be here, shouldn't be caring about someone that plucked him apart just days earlier because he had enough of his own misery? Theoretically, Yujin should pity Richard - but he didn't, he didn't need to and Richard didn't want that. "So your nightmares got worse", the wolf remarked, trying to take mental note of any of the things that could have changed - but he didn't know just yet why guilt was wrecking the blonde so bad, why it made him shake like that and why Yujin was the one that wasn't sure if this position was comfortable anymore. All of this felt like a blur, as if Richard was vaguely retelling something that was hard to keep up with and now, Yujin was dumbfounded, but that was fine, he knew a way out. "Richard", the wolf blurted out, pulling on those hands he was holding, squeezing them a bit harder. They were tired, so it would be best if ... Yujin walked a few steps back, pulled the blonde onto the bed that he let himself fall onto, let him fall on top of him, onto to let go of one of his hands and instead, hug Richard with one hand. "You can cry if you want, you know? I can't fix the past and we've already concluded that it isn't alright just yet, but ... as long as we're here, you don't need to try and keep all of that bottled up." Was this even going to help? Letting his hand brush over the blondes back had helped, once, maybe it did twice, too.

There it was, the somewhat expected vice grip on his clothing and the fact that someone was pressing their face against his chest as if they'd nothing better to do - this was stupid, wasn't it? Besides, Richard hadn't even wanted to tell him and yet, Yujin felt responsible, for some odd reason and he'd never not wonder why he let himself be treated like this, by anyone, really. Was it because he pitied people like the blonde, the ones that had nobody, that would never have anybody to vent their anger, their frustration and their pain or was he, in his own regard, just fucked up enough to justify things that didn't even make the slightest of sense to any of them? At this point, even Yujin didn't care, but he listened - and he'd listen as long as he needed to, simply because there was something about him, about Richard, that set him apart from everyone around him. What it was, well, Yujin didn't know, it might as well be ebcause he tried just a tiny bit too hard to like this stupid guy, but ... somehow, some way, he didn't exactly mind that, did he now? If he got hurt while caring about him, so be it - he actually cared, not just because he feigned interest, this time, it was different, at least seemingly so - and why? Because all he had was that last straw to grasp and said straw, was seemingly, Yujin.

All he could do was brush over Richards back, hold him as close as possible and that, seemingly, wasn't even enough. There they were, the tears he was supposed to cry and the flood of words that, somehow, tried to make sense of the situation. Fucking hell, was that really all he could do? Be there and try to help out with his mere presense? There was no way he could shrug it off or claim everything was fine, not in front of Richard, that wouldn't do, he knew that much himself and it was almost torturous to think about. For a while, he lay there, tried to comfort Richard with the little touches he could offer him, tried to hold him as close as possible, squeeze his hand, reassure him things - that was all there was, that was all he could do for either of them. "You know", he suddenly started, after a whole while of silence, after wondering why the surface above them reflected the candlelight so well, or why all of this was seemingly so painful. "There's nothing to be gained from trading places with him - if not, he'd be in the same situation as you, right about now", the wolf elaborated, but he didn't know - was this about that Dayan guy? "I don't know him, I can't speak for him, but I'm sure he'd not want you to beat yourself up like that." Was Yujin trying to derail that conversation? No, but he hopefully didn't make it worse. "But I'm guessing you also can't just stop any of those nightmares if they keep wrecking you like that - is there even anything?" Richard had slept well enough the night they had s- ... no, that was off the table, not like this, not when the poor guy was all crying, snotty and out of it.

Now that there was a cause for the nightmares, there had to be something to ward them off - right? However Yujin would do that, he didn't know just yet, but what strangely made sense to him was the confirmation that in this world, there was nobody waiting for anyone. Richard wasn't here to wait for the pain to leave, he wasn't here to gain understanding of his situation and Yujin wasn't waiting for all of his problems to solve themselves. In the end, they both were there, confused enough already and they both had to figure something out for themselves. But not only that, they did have to come up with something, anything that gave them a good headstart against everything, against the world and against the things that kept them awake. "Richard", Yujin expressed once again, but he didn't sound disappointed, despite sighing. What was this going to be? A stupid joke? "There's really no need to apologize. I told you I'll listen and I also told you to cry your heart out, so every single bit of this is justified", he clarified, knowing that if he didn't say it, there would be something that got lost in translation eventually. Strangely enough, listening to Richard spit his worries out like that calmed him, it helped him understand why the poor guy was struggling with himself, with everything around him and why he didn't want to be someone he was.

At some point, when he was let go of, when Richard searched for someplace away from him, Yujin rolled to his side, keeping the distance between them and yet, he grabbed that empty hand of Richard - he wasn't willing to let go of that one and he squeezed it as some sort of reassurance. "No worries, you can cry as much as you need and want to", the wolf reassured the sheep and eventually, let his hand brush over blonde strands of hair, despite not being able to see those brown eyes, not because it still was somewhat dark in here, but because Richard was still hiding them. The spot that he'd cried into clung to Yujins skin, but he could care less about a piece of fabric, especially when someone around him was suddenly acting like, well, that. "There's things and situations none of us have control over and there's no need to judge anyone for that, so don't you worry." Talking was something else, they were talking, but there was no long-winded conversation, there was no definite explanation - there were jumbled, foreign sentences that seemingly did make sense, then they didn't and all in all, it left Yujin wondering what exactly was buried beneath Richards surface, who he even was, but ... he already had caught a glimpse, so there was no need to pry. "So that's what's been on your mind? His birthday?" What else would it be? There he had it, the explanation he'd been looking for. Celebrating, or surviving, a dead family members birthday couldn't be fun, especially when it was someone that close to one, but ... what was he going to do about it. "Richard, look here ... I'm sorry. But, I ... I can try to take your mind off of things next week, then? But for now, we should figure out how we get you a good nights sleep for tonight."

There he had it, the things he wanted to see, to hear - or something along those lines. Richard had gotten all of those things off of his chest, had had a good cry and yet, just that wouldn't fix much. Eventually, they'd both come to find that nothing was going to help against trauma of any kind, not like this, not when two young men tried to patch one another up, despite not knowing anything. Coping wasn't something they'd be able to learn overnight, but it was fine, because ... why wouldn't it be? "That's alright, you're not the only one", Yujin insinuated, and despite it only being fair if he told Richard some of the things that he found himself suffering from, too, he had nothing. Sometimes, his brain felt empty enough to not be considered that - a brain - and the wolf didn't even mind. Right about now he was busy gobbling up all that information, trying to decypher it and figure out what was going to help Richard in some way, shape or form that he could use next week to take his mind off of Dayan, off of a ghost that wasn't even there to begin with and yet, it somehow haunted him. Letting go wasn't easy, it never would be, that much Yujin knew, too, but that was all there was to it. Some people, like Richard, faced all of their trauma headfirst and then, there were people like Yujin, who didn't even know what it was supposed to be in the first place. Especially him? What was that supposed to mean? Both sides of Richard had very differing and yet kind of similar opinions of him, didn't they? Richard pushed him away, didn't want him close, except right about now and would not call him a friend but a stranger, an annoyance at best and Arikin, well, he'd go as far as to call them friends, maybe even a bit more than that, but that also was everything he had to say about that. It was odd, wasn't it? Now they lay there, on a dusty bed, in an old room that nobody even bothered with anymore and it was cold, but neither of them cared, both of them were just occupied with the things on Richards mind. "Especially me? And here I am, offering you a hand! You ... don't have to be afraid, you know? I'm not going to think any less of you just because you cry." That was a silly reason and Yujin couldn't help but shake his head ever so slightly. This wasn't what he'd wanted to say, but he did, because that was easier and thinking about it one too many times was ridiculous, too.

"I ... think I get what you mean? It's as if someone would just, rip Xu out of my life and then expect me to deal with it after having him around for so long, after knowing nothing else. But you and your brother were closer than me and mine, I can't even fathom how much that hurts. However, you really shouldn't beat yourself up over it, as unfair as it seems, I'm sure he wouldn't want that." Why was he playing the voice of reason in this and why was all of this confusing him? Yujin knew that he cared about Richard, to a greater extend than both of them were probably anticipating, but did that sit right with him? For one, he didn't know and for the other, he wouldn't be able to figure it out if he kept all of this the way it was, especially if spending time with Richard meant cheating on Yin, right? However, their eyes met, almost clad in complete darkness and still, he mustered a smile for the blonde. "You were angry and frustrated, that's also why I wouldn't leave you alone. I'm used to getting yelled at, but sometimes it becomes too much ... I'm still sorry I snapped at you like that, though, I didn't mean it." And yet, he felt confused when Richard put his lips to his hand, gave him a kiss that he hadn't expected, not now, not anytime - it was odd, wasn't it? They, in fact, both were. "I'm not going to hurt you, but if you want to knock yourself out, how about some alcohol? You slept fine the last time I drugged you up", the wolf suddenly proposed, but still, alcohol wasn't much of a resolution, not when he, in turn, grabbed Richards hand to bring it up to his lips and kiss it in return, as if the gesture itself was something not inheritely romantic. "Talking sounds fine to me, I don't feel like leaving you alone with your thoughts anyway. But I don't think I have anything interesting to impart except the story you already know, which is also the reason why my memory is horrid. Aside from that, there's one thing I was wondering about", he suddenly mumbled and took one of his hands to the fabric around Richards neck, let his fingers rest there and didn't move them, he didn't want to and it felt as if he'd invade Richards privacy without having asked. "That. Can I see? Do you want to show me? If not, I'll keep my fingers to myself and stop asking about it."

Happiness came for some of them, for others it didn't and unfortunately, those were the ones that had to pay the price of it all. Now that Yujin was able to at least put some puzzle pieces together, however, he felt as if that hadn't happened to Richard, the blonde wouldn't have landed down here, wouldn't be the one he was genuinely embracing right now and as if none of this would matter to begin with, as if none of this would help any of them - and it still didn't. "Are you sure?", the wolf asked in retaliation. They both didn't know much about one another, despite Yujin being the one that had more intel on Richard than the other way around, but this very much wasn't show-and-tell, so there was no reason for any of them to come up with something. Quite frankly, actually, there was pain to be had just through little interactions, Yujin knew as much, but this right here was something he'd eventually cherish, or rather try to, because nothing in this worl revolved around either of them, it never would. "Come to think of it, probably. I don't know myself, but I hadn't seen you in a while and wanted to check if you were still there and if you could distract me ... but that sounds pretty selfish now", he summarized and wondered what it really was that he'd wanted that night. To go back for something other than before, to ask to speak to Arikin rather than Richard? Or to let one reality blend into the other and just assume that he could toy with either of them on a whim? "And right about now, it feels as if you're lost and have nobody to cling to anymore because a big part of you is gone, right? That ... must be awful, I'm sorry." Yujin shouldn't have pried, shouldn't have asked Richard for any of the things he bottled up inside of him and yet, this felt like the winds of change for a minute. Nothing was going to stop the blonde from being an asshole towards him if he wanted to, or misdirect his anger at him, Yujin knew that much, but it all would be dealed with in good faith sooner than later and none of that had to matter all that much if they just gave it a second thought, wasn't it that?

"It's fine, it's not too bad and I just want to help - telling someone that's angry and yelling, maybe not even at you, that they need to shut up or stop yelling usually isn't going to make it any better", the wolf elaborated and he wasn't wrong. Still, his gaze was glued on Richard who's mind was racing, who didn't know what he wanted to do with himself or the words that were stuck in his throat just earlier, but now he turned over to look at him, too, and talk to him as well. "But you slept well the last time ...", Yujin suddenly mumbled, but Richard was right, it probably wasn't going to help if they indulged in copious amounts of booze. "So, that means, if it's not the alcohol or the fact that I'm good at hugging, there's two things that it could be." He didn't say out loud what it was, Richard most likely knew what he was getting at - sex or drugs, nothing else, but one of those things was going to wear Richard out, one way or the other. Yujin decided he wanted to be a bit closer to Richard, to those eyes that he couldn't get enough of despite it being the same, unmistakeable brown that any wolf could have, but they fit Richard, didn't they? "No need to apologize, I don't even know much of it myself. But if it helps, or if you want to, I can tell you again." This was getting all kinds of silly, wasn't it? Especially when he felt cold fingers on his own, a shiver run down his spine and a shaky voice trying to counteract its body movements. "Mhm, alright then", the wolf reassured Richard once more and started looking for the knot in the fabric, or anything there would be, to make it come undone. He fumbled a while with it, Richard really made sure that nobody could pry into his secrets, huh? But eventually, it came loose and he had that annoying piece of fabric in his hands - and let go of it. His eyes, instead, fell upon what it was hiding just before - some nasty scar, all burnt and painful to look at and yet, that didn't stop him from wanting to ... no, he didn't touch it just yet, instead, his fingers remained just mere milimeters away from it, not quite touching, not quite not touching. "Can ... I?", he suddenly asked, unsure. "Does it still hurt?"

"Being good at hiding is ... that comes with time, you know? No one is expecting you to master hiding yourself and the pain you go through from the getgo, that would be stupid." Or were thrians just so different from adrestians? Did they just not care enough? A lot of times, they'd easily be described as monsters, as beings from hell that didn't fare well in the human world, but one closer look and one attempt to understand them very much revealed that they weren't any different from what society would perceive people to be. Maybe that was why none of the thrians cared either? All of this was a mess, he was a mess, Richard was even more of a mess and the sole reason to admit to that was to wallow in pain together, to act like they weren't constantly trying to figure themselves and their pain out, their wasted lives or how they could rid themselves of the pain they barely tried to perceive to begin with. "I always annoy you because I want to help, serve as a distraction if you can call it that, because, one way or the other, you can't always think about what's bothering you or your head will ... figuratively, explode. That's just one road to selfdestruction." What did they take from Yujin, though? Was it his sense of self, his old self, was it something else, was he just interpreting something wrong? Although he knew next to nothing, he remembered some of the pain he'd felt, as if his skull had been bust open, as if he'd been forced to be awake for ages and then, once he'd fallen asleep, what then? "That's not pathetic. Look, neither of us are really adults just yet, but expecting you to cope with all of this on your own is ... isn't it selfish? You just want what you always had, because it's always been like that but now there's no way back." Why wasn't his father comforting him? Yujin didn't dare ask, there was no need to bring the old man up, as much as there was no need to think too hard about it. In fact, none of that was his business and it never would be, not like that, not when he barely could tell right from wrong himself. Coming of age ritual or not, weren't they both still kids? "Someone has to be ... but I mean, I don't have much of my own personality either, so I ought to collect any scrap I can", he chuckled. This was sad, it always was, but aside from wanting to help, wanting to know and trying to be much like his father, Yujin, as a human, had pretty much failed - he was no one, except himself and he, himself, under all those layers, was the cookie cutter definition of boring.

"So it's either one of those two for a good night of sleep. Or a combination of things, but ... we have time. Do you want to try one of those things? Don't worry about the smoking part, that comes with time ... as for your clothing, I think it suits you, still", the wolf replied, not even looking somewhat troubled why what he brought over his own lips but actually sounding as if he was being honest. If it was opium Richard wanted, he wouldn't have a hard time finding it somewhere in the castle - and if it was sex that Richard wanted, well, it did depend on what kind, but ... that ought to feel better than whatever he and Yin had earlier, wouldn't it? Yujin squeezed the hand back, the one he still held, didn't want to let go of and subconciously always searched for, seemingly at least. "We'll talk about me another time", the wolf concluded, as if this was going to ruin the moment they had, as if that was too much for either of them to deal with for tonight. It was, wasn't it? "Maybe I'll be able to make sense of all of it until then so I can tell you something coherent." That meant he'd have to try and remember, try and dig things up, but he'd already tried to forget most of the things he remembered, had deemed them not important, so why was he trying to opposite now? "Does ... Doesn't the fabric hurt, too, then?", he wanted to know as he, eventually, let their skin connect, softly placed those fingers of his on the marred skin in front of him. It didn't look pretty, it didn't feel good to touch, it actually still felt very much ... fresh, didn't it? Normally, Yujin would have pulled his fingers away by now, forced himself away to give Richard some privacy, but instead, he just touched it ever so slightly, looked for outlines, for healed spots, but all of this was just one big mess, like Richard himself, wasn't it? The candlelight still felt eerie, the shadows it cast were odd enough, but Yujin wasn't going to let himself be bothered by that, instead, he still looked at Richard, trying to catch his gaze, trying to do ... what exactly? Again, he squeezed that hand of his. "That's not something I'd judge you for, though. This isn't something you need to hide, not from me - it's part of you now, isn't it? And I mean, I like you." Classy, wasn't it? So much for keeping his cool.

"You'll figure that out", Yujin suddenly reassured him. Some things were, well, he couldn't help Richard with those to begin with - actually, it was futile to even think about it all like that. What mattered was figuring it out, whether that would be for themselves or others, but he knew that, one way or the other, something would be coming his way - whatever it was sleep or something ridiculous like that, he couldn't quite tell just yet, but ... there had to be a way to make Richard feel like he could rest easy before he slipped back into all of those nightmares, right? "Guess then I'll just have to figure out what you want one the inside and not what you're forcing over your lips. Maybe consulting your body would work", he mused, but that was hardly a good way to figure it out. Sometimes, body language in itself was tricky, especially considering they both grew up elsewhere and then again, Richard didn't always appreciate the fact that there was a slightly taller wolf, seemingly unbothered by his own life, squeezing his hand as if on cue and trying to make him believe that not all hope was lost. "But there's a way forward, too, if you keep pushing - digging your own grave compels you to be stagnant." And what would Richard even do? Out here, there was no way to get his revenge, but if he moved on, went back to Adrestia and did gods knew what, he might as well find himself entangled in a web that there was no way out of - and all of it would just get harder to deal with. "So I'm a good kind of annoying?" Now Yujin was trying to derail the conversation just slightly, further away from Dayan, from people that could come haunt the blonde tonight because there was no need to - the ghosts of the dead should stay far, far away.

"Sweet? You flatter me. And sometimes, not-good ideas aren't always bad ideas - while I don't think that's, inheretly, a good idea, we have the night to ourselves - and nightmares to conquer." That was right, the reason he couldn't sleep himself the past week was because Richard occupied his mind, because his dreams were jumbled and incoherent, even more so when he found out that nothing that he thought he figured out made sense. What was it worth, all of this? "No need to, I wanted to listen so I did - you don't have to feel like you owe me. However, I'm going to give you this last chance to dip out before I run my mouth", he snickered - that was meant honestly, though. There was no reason to send Richard over the edge, force him over a tipping point and cause him more harm than necessary. If he could take the extra baggage, he should just say it and not feel like he had to - they both were young and had their own burden to carry. "So it's just there to avoid uncomfortable questions and eyes that could be looking at something you don't want them to see, huh?", Yujin asked, but that wasn't even a question, it was more of an assumption that, by now, was already made. The fabric did feel light, but it wasn't see-through, it hid everything Richard wanted to hide and a bit more skin. Were his fingers overstaying their welcome? Who knew, because Yujin didn't and feeling the burnt skin, the scar tissue and all the uneveness was ... weird. It felt like a scar, much like his own, but then again, it absolutely didn't. "If anything, it's a prove that you were strong enough to survive. And that you carry that burden with you." What was this, motivational talk, or ... gods, he was getting embarrassing. Was there even any need for Richard to thank him? Yujin didn't know, actually, he didn't care much, but instead, he brought the hand that lay on Richards throat just now up to his face, to brush over his cheek and ... this was something romantic, this was more than liking someone, wasn't it? "That's not going to change anything about me liking you - I don't get to know the old you, but the new you is fine, you aren't all bark and bite, you're just a lot of bark", the wolf chuckled - and again, he found himself in a bed with Richard. "But, aside from that, if you want to do any of those things, I'll have to get up for a second. So tell me, what do I get, a pipe or some oil?"

Where should he go first, what should he try first and more importantly, what would it do for him to even attempt figuring something out? The world around them was taking different shapes and forms and with that, people changed, but much like that, a single person could change, stay unnoticed for a good amount of time. It made Yujin wonder if he, too, was someone different before he found his way back here, or if he'd always been the way he was. Richard, on the other hand, he couldn't figure out, not one bit and yet, he didn't even need or want to. "Then I'll keep being that around you", Yujin answered, finally wearing a stupid grin on his exhausted face for once. There was sleep they had to catch up to, there were chores they had to figure out eventually and all in all, this old and dusty bed was getting more comfortable, the flickering light that illuminated them partially was lulling him in and now he lay there, with Richard, wondering if the next time they saw each other, their interactions would be equally comforting and solemn, or if they'd go back to the usual. "Same for me. That means, we'll both need something." In turn, that meant he could get up and take a breather, not because he needed one, but rather because he wanted one and if this went on the way it did, he'd never get his hands onto anything and they both would fall asleep, unsatisified and encased in a world of nightmares that neither of them wanted to be apart of. "So you want to hear it, huh? It's going to be confusing, though - I can't even make sense of it myself most of the time, so don't sweat it if something just sounds odd.

That was all there was to it, there was no need to sugarcoat the fact that they both were trying their earnest to be someone they weren't, that patching themselves up had never worked and now he found himself wondering if all of this was worth it, if the world around them was or if he was still just listening to Richard, to his own beating heart, because he was selfish and wanted to know more, only to let go of the blonde soon enough. "Sweet words barely change anything, but that still doesn't mean I can't try and be nice. But I get where you're coming from ... actually, there's something I can show you in that regard", Yujin mumbled and he knew that a different scar, at a different place, wouldn't change things. The one on his chest was there because it ought to be, it was part of him and he didn't care about it, but there was another that he could hide as easily, still, he hated it, didn't he? "You're right, sorry. But what I'm saying is, you don't have to hide it from me. I won't think any less of you because it's right there, even in plain sight." This was a night that he most likely needed to remember, that wouldn't leave his mind so easily, but Yujin was fine with that, it wouldn't plague him like other things had and that, among other things, meant that Richard trusted him to some degree, didn't it? "And I'd let you do it again, if you hadn't looked at me like you were going to turn my face into mush", the wolf answered, but then he shook his head. Wow, the blonde could be really scary, couldn't he? In fact, Yujin was sure that that had to be something that ran in Richards family, especially when he looked at Nayantai - ... but they weren't blood-related, were they? Fuck. The hand on his felt nice, though, but now they both were holding one anothers hands again, just like that. "I'll do anything with you that you want - I mean, you called us friends with benefits." Richard, in fact, hadn't - Arikin did and Yujin, or well, Yu had finished that stupid sentence to begin with, but that didn't matter. "Drugs it is, then ... you have to let go of me for that, though, or would you rather not? Do you want to come with me?"

The world around them still was somewhat odd, the air that surrounded them even more so - Yujin wasn't sure what to feel, what to make of the things he and Richard talked about and yet, taking his mind off of the topics at hand had been easier before, but right now, it wasn't. Somehow, he was the one that started to feel all kinds of antsy and weird, as if there had been a threat looming over him for so long and now that he addressed it, he found it to be the thing that bothered him, kept him awake and forcibly wormed itself into his dreams. "Oh, I know", the wolf replied, knowing fully well he hadn't and that he had had a reason for that, as stupid as it sounded. "I wanted to go up and get the pipe first, before I start talking about myself and never move from this spot again", he said, thinly veiled laughter escaping his lips at the same time. Did he, really? Or was all of this just a desperate attempt to escape, to run away and to look for a way out? Whatever it may be, there was nothing as bittersweet as a shortlived goodbye and he knew as much. Fuck, was he the one that was getting all sappy now? "If you want to listen, I will talk, that's not the problem", he reassured Richard, but right about now, he wanted to get up and get the things they needed - he didn't feel like lying down all of a sudden, he got somewhat restless, didn't he? That would change, soon enough anyway, there was no need to think twice about it. "And I won't force you to like it, but good to know that I can keep running my mouth for as long as I want." That ... really meant something to him, didn't it? Yujin let go of Richard eventually and removed himself, stood up and now that he stood there, he realized how bad the lack of sleep really was - but that didn't matter, he was going to sleep that off in no time and he really just needed to get that stupid pipe, he knew where that was, probably. "Isn't that my line?" It probably was, but right about now, that wasn't what mattered either and Yujin, for once, welcomed that kind of change, not only in his life but also in his surroundings. Odd. "There's no need to apologize - you just said it yourself. I wouldn't judge you and I never will." Neither was it his place to judge the blonde, nor did he want to be the one that passed on judgement. Actually, what would he do if Richard actually decided to go back home, to flee Silesse and Thria and never come back here? Would he be sat or just ... forget about him?

"I think it's our opinion because I finished your sentence, so ... that's what we see ourselves as to one another. Look, if I didn't have my own opinion, I wouldn't have stolen a kiss before we went back to dinner, right?", he chuckled and yes, that was something he himself remembered clearly enough to just let it slide like that. Awful, sadly, but he really was playing two fiddles and he didn't know which one he actually wanted. Well, shit. "I'll be back in no time", the wolf reassured Richard before he went, out of the room, down the barely lit hallway, all in search for a pipe and some other things. That ... was actually taking longer than expected, but he eventually found what he was looking for, brought it back to the room they'd been in earlier and well, Richard hadn't moved much, had he? "I'm back", he announced, as if he'd just come home from whatever, but he used the opportunity to place a carafe of water on the nightstand next to the bed, alongside something else, but, well, not that they needed it right now - he'd just picked the vial up in case the opportunity arose, because there was nothing in here. Yujin waltzed over to one of the candles he'd lit earlier, to substitute for the lack of a match he could light, and used it to light the pipe he carried, before he sat himself down on the bed next to Richard, gave it a puff and soon enough handed the pipe over to the blonde. "First, before I start talking about nightmares", he mumbled, before taking off his boots and placing them next to the bed. Then, he fumbled with his pants, they were wide enough so he'd just be able to comfortably roll them up, all the way to his upper thigh and maybe Richard was right, maybe thrian clothing was ridiculously loose to begin with. There however, once he'd shed one of the only layers he was wearing right about now, sat a single scar that, especially in this lightning, didn't seem to bad - except for the fact that it might as well encompass his entire upper thigh. "I think this one looks awful", he elaborated. Well, it did look like it had gotten mangled, crushed, the whole nine yards, something, anything that didn't make sense - was it burned? No idea. Was it cut open? No idea. Was it ripped apart? No idea. Everything applied, probably. "It also gets in the way when I try to run, at some point my legs just decides that it has had it and that it might as well fail me. But, fun thing, I got that around the same time I got the one on my chest and I'm pretty sure that I got my head bashed in, which is why I don't remember much or keep forgetting stuff. But honestly? I have no idea. Except, well, that I'm prone to remembering something and having weird nightmares."

Now that he'd come back here, what even was the purpose of this? To make Richard feel less shitty by telling him something, by making up a thing or two and figuring it out for himself? Whatever that may be, he had no idea - and whatever that would become, he also really didn't want to know, but again, he did nothing to stop it. Instead, he sat in a room that probably hadn't been occupied in a while, that he had found on accident while looking around his own home at some point and for now, he never used it much, but when he did, it kind of was his secret base, wasn't it? It was silent here, cold even and there definitely wouldn't be anyone coming here. Actually, the staircase just let to this room and nowhere else, it was almost like a dead end - as if the room had been connected to other parts of the hallway up here, but someone had sealed it off with another block of ice eventually, wasn't it that? Richards coughing ripped him out of his very own thoughts and he looked at the blonde, quite puzzled, before his expression softened. They were smoking this stuff to get high and get Richard used to it, so it only served as some sort of practice - and practice made perfect, right? That, also, meant that neither of them was going to have to hide anything from the other.

"I mean, it looks worse in daylight and I tend to wear like, what, five layers? So chances you don't even catch a glimpse of it aren't all that slim." He didn't want this to be a sob story, it pretty much wasn't, he got over it after it had happened and while he did have some questions, reaching for answers became harder and harder the more he forgot. "But eh", the wolf added, shrugging his shoulders. There was something going on, or at least there had been, but whatever that was, it really didn't matter right about now - what mattered was the fact that he, conceptually, wasn't exactly excited about taking the piss out of this situation or even burdening Richard with his own stupidity. "The scar?", he asked, but he soon enough got his answer - and his pipe. Yujin didn't even know if he needed it, if he wanted to smoke or if the pipe was the cause of his nightmares, if it was going to brew up a whole different storm and just fuck him over - but that was the least of his concerns, instead, he put the pipe to his lips and took another drag of it, then a second one, before handing it back over, as if the two of them were, basically, handing it back and forth. "Oh, it does. The whole situation does. It's not so much about the, why did that happen and who did this to me, but it's more like, it bothers me that my memory in general seems to be pretty awful since then. For example, of course I can't remember a whole conversation word for word, no one can do that, but sometimes entire days are just a blur, as if they never happened, and it feels as if there's a giant hole in my head - without being wasted, in any way or form. That's just ... incredibly odd and concerning", he sighed, that was about all there was to it, all he could admit to because there wasn't anything else to do with that information, or the things could say. Instead, he reached for Richards hand, to hold it, again, because he didn't want to let go. "And other times, it doesn't bother me at all."