sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

    • "Yeah, just a minor headache.", he answered, which was true. The feeling of someone trying to crush his skull was gone, instead there was a slight pulsating pain and a little bit more of it, if he moved his head too fast. The seem was actually the thing that hurt the most, it still felt hot and he could feel his own heart rhythm there. He also felt like he was able to feel every little thread that went through his skin right now, he wondered when they were able to take them out, not too soon probably and before that didn't happen, he also wasn't allowed to leave. That was no problem though, he was here with Ronan and was able to spend a lot of time together - alone. Caelan pressed his boyfriend closer to his chest and softly stroke his back, he was so glad he was here. He hadn't lost any strength in his arms, so his hug was as firm as ever, Ronan had no reason to worry. "So you gave them the impression that I'd just get up and run around if you didn't lock me in? Up until now I heeded your words and stayed in bed! They will think I'm a child.", he let out and acted outraged, but he actually chuckled a little bit, laughing was still out of the question. "You could come a little closer still, you know?", he smiled, the feeling of Ronan body next to his own was nice, especially in the morning, he had missed that during his time in Fhaergus.

      "Hm... I feel hungry for two days now, so I'd like to take some egg, I thing that shouldn't pose a problem, though... leave out the ham for now. I'll eat some soup too to fill my stomach, but something else will be nice for a change." Actually he wasn't this picky with his food and he was able to live without for a day or two, but the situation now was kind of annoying. He probably could get all he wanted here, but instead he was stuck with soup and porridge. An egg was soft enough to eat it, so he went for that today, the doctor had told him he shouldn't chew anything hard and he needed to be careful with his left side, but an egg was fine right? Caelan soon got pulled out of his egg-thoughts though and looked at Ronan with somewhat big eyes. "You want me to marry you?", he asked, actually thinking about it. If it were possible... would he? It was a little early for that, but... why not. Too bad that two big houses hardly joined together like this, simply because it made the heritage complicated.

    • “Just? How’s your cheek?”, Ronan asked. Why was he doing that anyway? Caelan was in pain one way or the other, there was no doubt about it and in the end, everything he could do was making sure he was feeling as good as he could. Asking was part of that, at least Ronan believed it to be and therefore, he did what felt right - which very much was whatever he was doing right now. Being close to his boyfriend was all he wanted though and Ronan wouldn’t want to ask for more, even when he got closer as instructed and cuddled up to the blonde, even going as far as to bridge the gap between them and wind up laying himself down on the blondes body completely, resting his head on his chest. This was getting ridiculous, wasn’t it? They both were trying their earnest to make Caelan heal, but he was craving more than just the blondes wellbeing - rather, he wanted to be as close to him as he could, fearing he’d puff into thin air once he slipped out of his sight for a bit too long. “Not ... exactly? I just said it was for your own safety and that I’d be plenty capable of doing my duties at night to keep an eye on you and wake the doctor, should you rip something open”, he explained, hiding his face in Caelans chest.

      “Is this close enough?”, he asked, chuckling, and finally looked up to meet the blondes gaze. What would he give to stay like this, forever, with Caelan and without having to worry about anyone or anything ever again? Was it so questionable for him to just give all of this up, to suffer through trials and tribulations, just to be with someone he actually cherishes? Ronan didn’t know much, that much was clear, but he knew that love - albeit delicate and shortlived - was strong, strong enough to cast aside ones life, just so it could prosper. “I’ll tell one of the maids that, then - whenever I feel like getting up. How’s that sound?” With Caelan, he felt at home, even though he shouldn’t - and it was odd, indeed. He’d spent weeks waiting for his boyfriend, only to come to the realization that love wouldn’t fix anything and try to kill himself again, but ... he didn’t really want to, or did he? That’s why he was still here, too much of a coward to decide that his fate should have been death. “I mean ... it’s a bit early, but ... don’t we have to get married soon? I’d rather marry you than some stupid girl I don’t even know”, he sighed. Then, he wondered for a second, drawing small circles into Caelans skin. “You know, if I was nothing but a peasant, you could just whisk me away ...”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "It stings and feels hot. It hurts when I try to open my mouth too far...", he explained and did what he shouldn't do. As so often he tested his boundaries, he wanted to know how much was possible and he wanted to improve everyday, maybe at some point he was able to talk normally again. As soon as he reached a critical point he flinched and his gaze turned a little sour when he closed his mouth again. People were as stupid as animals that lick and bite around their wounds, only to make it worse, until you restrain them. If Caelan wouldn't have Ronan here and the bandages weren't there either, he probably would have touched the injury time and time again, but for now he didn't. Only the doctor was touching it, every day to check how it was doing and to apply some ointment so it would heal better. The crack in his jawbone still hurt too and there was a glimpse of dark blue skin sneaking out under the bandages as well, not all was hidden. For how much he had bled however, he felt pretty good right now, after only three nights.

      "I guess there's always a closer that would feel even nicer, but at some point, we'd have to merge and that's not really possible...", Caelan mused and looked into Ronans eyes. He raised one hand to pull some of the dark strands out of his face and while he was at it, he started to comb through his hair a little to make him look decent after he ruffled them all up while he slept. "I'm looking forward to it.", Caelan smiled, for now he didn't want to let go of Ronan, taking some time to wake up was something he was able to get used to, now that he couldn't jump out of bed anyway. "You're eager, we don't even know each other that long!", Caelan chuckled, grinned and flinched right after, but he kept grinning, just slightly less than before. "If you were a girl, I'd ask you to marry me right away and take you to Fhaergus with me. Your brother can inherit Alster. And if you were a peasant you wouldn't even have to be a girl... I'd find a job for you in the manor as my servant or something you'd like and at night you'd be sneaking into my room..." Caelan let his hand stroke over Ronans back some more but wandered down slowly, the he let his finger crawl under Ronans shirt to pull it up a little and feel his soft skin with his rough hands. He continued to carress him like that, pulling the shirt up a little more... and more... as much as he could at least.

    • "I ... think that's normal for a wound, no? Your flesh is healing after I cut it apart, so it's only natural, if also somewhat unbearable", Ronan sighed. He knew that there wasn't much he could do for his boyfriend, just talk the pain away, but that was about it, wasn't it? Truth be told, there was nothing he couldn't actually try on his own, but he couldn't fix a wound like that in a day, nor could the blondes body actually do something like that for him, as desirable as it was. In reality, they both were nothing more than cheap slaves that called their own bodies their cages and their souls were trying to run free, but were unable to, simply because they were chained in place with no visible sign of being able to escape anytime soon. Like cagebars, unbeding and unyielding, waiting to be torn open by someone more capable than them - like flightless birds, robbed of their wings, sitting still on a windowsill, gazing onto the world above. Ronan felt like he had no place in the manor of Alster, in this life he was born in and yet people reassured him that he belonged, told him that he was worth, but worth what, exactly? His mind wasn't going to go back on track, simply because he wanted it to - there was no chance in hell that it would.

      "You're ... right. I mean, we could get closer, but I - for one - wouldn't want to have sex with you when every sound you could make would cause you pain, so ... this should be fine." This was only the truth and while it was early, too early for his own liking, he knew that Caelan wouldn't take something like this personal, let alone think that Ronan was kidding, or even rejecting all of his past advances. In the end, they were made for one another and while they currently were stuck, trying to figure out how to turn their relationship into something less obvious, they still did as they desired, even if they felt tired, exhausted down to their core. "I'll spoonfeed you, then", he joked, giggling for a while before he saw the blondes own face light up, bright and loving, before he was reminded of his own predicament, seemingly. "I'm just proposing an idea! That's all!", Ronan retaliated, chuckling loudly about it. Wouldn't it be nice? Being Caelan of Fhaergus' wife, the duchess of Fhaergus, free of so many chains that bound him to Alsters rotten ground that he was to govern one day - but alas, even if he were a woman, he wouldn't be loved by his boyfriend as much as he was right now. "If only, right? But unfortunately, magic is something for witches, the devil - and I doubt it exists. So, there's not a single chance to turn me into a woman - just for my father to disown me so that I could serve you." And yet, for one reason or the other, he knew that it would be foolish to try. "Weren't you just complaining about me being eager?", he asked, before he sat up slightly, getting out of that shirt that Caelan seemed to hate, before he lay back down, pressing skin against skin. "Better?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I know, but you asked.", Caelan smiled, he just was honest about how he was feeling. He still felt that this was better than lying to Ronan, he'd knew anyway and if it hurt, it did, there was nothing more to say about it. Ronan sighed and felt bad, Caelan knew that but he also knew that his boyfriend was aware, that he didn't think badly about him just because of that, in fact he got reassured that he was stronger than he let on and Caelan was the weak one for caring too much. There was no bad blood between them, Caelan wasn't mad and he didn't blame Ronan for what happened, even though Ronan seemed to still see himself at fault, at least he knew Caelan didn't. If Ronan had been the one getting hurt, Caelan would probably apologize a hundred times as well and not take it as just an accident, even though Ronan told him not to worry. Caelan would be worried, but he'd also want to know how he truly felt and how to make it better, so Caelan kept going with being honest just like that.

      Caelan had to laugh, probably for the first time since the accident, up until now he always swallowed it down and there weren't many opportunities anyway, since he had slept a lot. Now however he did laugh, only to flinch and try to stop. "Don't make me... laugh...", he said, still swallowing most of the chuckles down as good as he could to not strain his wound even more. A tear was forming in the corner of his eye, because he just found this so funny, though he got where Ronan was coming from. "I didn't mean it like that... you're the one being horny, I was thinking about absorbing you, like really merging. I know it's a stupid thought, so I don't blame you.", he explained after he calmed down a little. "This isn't the time for anything... real anyway. Though if you want me to make you feel better, just say the words, I feel pretty awake today!" Was he getting too eager now? Well, it was just an offer and he also got why Ronan refused to make him moan, that would probably hurt as much as laughing. Caelan was able to pull himself together though, right? "You still don't need to do that, I can hold my own spoon!", Caelan chuckled, chuckling felt just fine, actually it felt good, he immediately felt more alive the more he did. "Well I don't want to sleep with you, I just want to touch your skin, 'cause I love the feeling.", he said with a slight smirk on his face as Ronan put away his shirt. Now he was able to let his fingers slide over Ronans perfect light skin that felt like silk. He felt his warmth and that alone made him happy, as well as the fact that Ronan lay down on him like that. "I wish I could kiss you... well... we could try?"

    • "And you answered, to which I answered. I'm just saying that the pain will go eventually and it's not surprising that you're feeling like that, that's all", and for once, he wished that the dreams about magic, the myths about legendary wizards and the healing prowess of a spell aimed right right were true. Like that, there would be no scar on Caelans body, or at least not the one that would be on his face from now on, reminding him of the one tournament he lost against an idiot newcomer like him. But alas, all of that was but childish thinking, a dream to never come true because this was still the harsh reality and even if something as fragile as magic was spreading its webbing throughout their world, the young noble doubted he'd be adept at it, let alone be able to control it or have it benefit himself. Now, however, he was losing himself in unimaginable daydreams, right after he'd awoken from that slumber of his and instead of paying attention to his boyfriend, instead of guilting himself some more over severed skin and flesh, over a face forever ruined, he asked himself if - and only if - he could have fixed it, had their circumstances been any different than they were right now. Somehow, it was ridiculous to even consider, was it not? "Don't laugh!", Ronan blurted out, already aware of the fact that his boyfriend was - if anything - in an immense amount of pain that he couldn't help him with, simply because of the fact that while he was responsible for his pain one way or the other, Ronan couldn't do much against it, except offer his continue support.

      "I'm not even trying to be funny, I promise!", he yelped, like a hurt dog that was coming back to lick his masters wound after he'd bit him. Was he much more than that? Well, actually, Caelan was the dog and not him, but in reality, what did that matter? They both were disastrous. "I'm not horny! I'm just saying what's on my mind and it's not romantic enough to, uh, you know ... but, really merging sounds not only like a pain but also, what would that make us? An abomination, heir of Alster and Fhaergus?", he asked, chuckling again. This was funny to imagine, Ronan had to admit as much - but in the end, all of this was nothing more than fuel for those skewed daydreams of his, for things unreachable in a world so far away from this one. "The words ...? I love you?" The blonde had just accomplished something that he'd deemed almost unrealistic - confuse him, even though he'd done it so so often already and every time he had, Ronan was left wondering why. "I'll still feed you!" Was this a declaration of love or rather war? "You ... like the feeling of my skin? Why is that?" Caelans calloused hands still felt nice, so warm, almost burning through every patch of skin that they touched and now he wanted nothing more than to relax, to lay here for a while and doze off again, but he knew that he couldn't. "Isn't puckering your lips going to hurt?", he asked, but already moved a bit, just so that their lips could touch with minimum effort. "Though, I do miss kissing you."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I know that though. It's not the first time I got hurt.", Caelan smiled and ruffled through Ronans hair a bit, he worried too much and he talked too much, especially when he wasn't able to do much about a situation. Talking was all there was, he couldn't heal Caelan nor was he able to turn back time, they could only wait for it to get better and hope it looked somewhat representable afterwards. Caelan asked himself what his father was thinking, the scar would make him look less like his uncle, but then again, Allard was reminded of the reckless behaviour of his son everytime he saw his face. Allard didn't like those tournaments, the act of trying to hurt someone else and also showing off his strength in front of so many people was nothing he fancied. He watched Caelans fights every time, because he was his father and he ought to act nice, caring and supporting in his twisted mind, but what had happened was exactly what would give Allard more fuel against those fights Caelan fought. In the end he was probably happy about Caelan being the one hurt and not Ronan though, that meant less trouble, though he did seem genuinely worried and he was nice when they parted at least. Probably because he pitied Caelan in that moment, that would not be the case when he came back home.

      "It's alright!", Caelan almost laughed again but stopped himself, his cheek was burning even more like now, but that was okay, as long as he didn't rip it open, it was fine, right? He believed he didn't. "I... don't know... would look weird with two heads and stuff, though now I'm wondering how our child would look. Not that that's possible...", he wondered. Probably not blonde which would be outrageous for a Fhaergus heir. Allard was more leaning to something brownish as well, but he still was blonde, not as blonde as Caelan and his uncle though. But what would a Fhaergus heir be without his blond hair and blue eyes? In that case the heir of Alster... "What? No! You're such an idiot sometimes, but I love you too.", he said turning his laugh down into a chuckle instead. "More like, 'please make me feel good' or 'Please touch me'... something like that." He continued caressing Ronans skin softly and thought back to the time at the like, when he touched him equally softly and his heart was racing. Ronans was probably too, the rest was just a matter of time - not much in that case. Like back then Caelan let two fingers wander down Ronans spine and then let his hand slip into his pants to place it on his butt. "I dunno...", Caelan said, looking at those lips and finally closing the short distance between them to kiss his boyfriend. He moved back again after only a few moments. "Mh... that hurt, but I'm positive I can kiss you tomorrow. At least you can kiss me, my lips are fine, just don't expect much back."

    • "And it won't be the last, I assume." Caelan was - unlike him - too prieful to just set aside his indifferences with this world, instead he yearned for things unimaginable and Ronan could only hope for it to either die down soon enough or for him to eventually grow accustomed to the ways of the world, to the things that Caelan wanted mor than anything else and to this world, so ripe with sorrow, it almost hurt. In the end, he'd find himself at a crossroad, unable to choose between one way or the other and once he'd find himself there, he knew that the only other option was to go straight forward, to not choose a path and rather follow his own desires into the darkness of thing unknown. "I'll make sure there'll be someone to patch you up, then", he announced. Ronan knew that he couldn't ask his doctor to teach him how to desinfect and sew or cauterize a wound, but ... he could learn that himself, couldn't he? Naturally, it shouldn't be that hard and in the end, he could find it to be nothing more than a pain in the ass, especially if he went on about the tangent he was on. Right now, he'd do everything for his boyfriend - and if he had to pluck one of the stars from the sky, Ronan was sure he would at least try to, just to fall and scrape open his knees.

      "Is it, really?", he asked, somewhat confused. After all, as red wine left behind stains on clothing, a blade of iron would leave behind a scar, a deep one at that if it had severed more than skin. Ronan knew that all of this was only to justify the means, that in the end, his decisions wouldn't have any weight and that all of this was futile - as soon as someone found out about their affair, the liaison they had, they'd be nothing more than dead meat and all of their excuses would only fall onto deaf ears. "Our child? Caelan, don't be silly. Even if we tried, we couldn't have one to begin with, we are two men", he chuckled, amused by the sheer thought of it. Pale skin, dark hair, blue eyes - probably. And if he had to guess, probably as entitled as he could be - as Declan was - and every bit as energetic as Caelan was. "Also, aren't we too young to think about kids?", he asked, then laughed again and cuddled up to the blonde, like a cat seeking its owners warmth. "An idiot? Does that mean Caelan of Fhaergus is ACTUALLY the horny one?" Of course he was, what else could it be? Ronan sat up, straddling the blondes hips like that and looked down on him, on the poor man who's face had been ruined by a sharpened blade and he sighed as he heard the words that spilled from his mouth. "Alright, kisses are for tomorrow, but ... you know, even if you can't really do anything for me, I can do something for you. Would you like me to touch you, then? Hm?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I'm not trying to get hurt, so hopefully it is the last time, but I guess it's not.", he said, there weren't scars all over his body from sitting around and this wasn't his first injury he received at a tournament, these things happened, though maybe not as bad as this time. It had been bad luck, it could scratched him anywhere else, in the end he'd have a probably not so bad looking scar on his face too. Up until now no scar really annoyed him, he thought of none that it looked really ugly, but this was the first one right across his face, so maybe it was different. On the other hand maybe it did look good in the end and there was nothing to complain. The biggest reason he hoped that was Ronan though, he didn't want him to look at his boyfriend in feel guilty or disgusted, maybe he admired the scar in the end and was proud to win his first ever tournament, not anyone was able to do that.

      "I laugh a lot and I miss it. Be funny it's fine, I can pull myself together and laugh without showing it, at least I try!", Caelan grinned as much as he could. "I know we can't have one, but I can still think about it!", the blonde complained, actually it was kind of sad. Not that Caelan wanted a child in his age, but maybe sometime he wanted one and even if he would have been able to be together with Ronan for real, they'd never have a child fully theirs, it wouldn't be from both of them. Well it was against nature to love a man so this was just a suitable punishment. "Sure, I'm not planning on having one right now or anytime soon, it's just hypothetical." The child would probably have Ronans dark hair, that was for sure. "I'm not! I'm just saying I'd please you if you'd like, I'm ACTUALLY mostly bored I guess." He felt really good today, the headache had been the worst but it was almost gone now. Of course it was a bad idea to run around a lot and his body still needed energy to heal, but he was sick of sleeping, he did that for several days now, it was enough. Caelans blue eyes gazed upwards to Ronan who sat up now, this view was kind of nice and the blonde smiled. "I can do a lot for you, except anything that has to do with my mouth.", Caelan retaliated and let one hand slide over Ronans thigh. "Weren't you the one worrying about sounds I could make would hurt?"

    • "It won't be until it kills you", Ronan retaliated. Caelan would die because he was reckless, sooner or later that was and he could die because he wanted to, because he'd stop being a coward at some point and his own death sounded far more exquisite than he could imagine it. As for what came after that, or before that, he didn't necessarily know - whatever pushed him over the edge would be completely arbitrary and happen sooner than later, that was all there was to it. No matter how much he struggled, or whether or not he tried his best to escape his own fate, Ronan didn't even want to, not after sealing it in stone all by himself. Wasn't it scary, to think that all of this was merely a suggestion made by those who resided nowhere else but his very own mind? In the end, he'd find himself somewhere, completely enveloped by the darkness that he yearned for and hated, at the same time - and then he'd find out that being alive was not only a pain in the ass for himself, but also for those surrounding him, praying for a day better than this one and hoping to appease him, to coax him into doing their bidding. Humans were sad, Ronan knew as much, but if anything, he was among the saddest of them all, barely clawing to the life he'd been gifted.

      "And I'm almost the opposite. I haven't laughed in forever but I can't help it, not when I'm around you anyway", he chuckled, exhilarated by the fact that all of this seemed so easy once he'd put his mind to it and started to understand - once he'd found out that he himself was, in fact, not going to die from laughing, from inviting happiness into that bleak life of his. "And? What can you come up with? Dark hair, blue eyes, pale skin?", he asked, seemingly because he was interested in what Caelan pictured - and in sharing what he had in mind, too. In the end, he wouldn't want to admit what he was thinking about, but Ronan sure as hell did; and he couldn't deny it, even if he wanted to. "As hypothetical as getting married to me?", he asked, a sly smile on those rosy lips of his as he started to drag his nails along Caelans chest, ever so softly - this had been what he wanted, no? They were spending time together, in and out of dreams and as long as the world revolved aroun them, he wasn't going to break it. "Please me? Without your mouth? And how are you going to do that, big puppy?" But Caelan already had an answer, Ronan was sure - though, he wanted to hear it from the blondes own mouth, rather than having to whip out the solution of his own mind. "So you could touch me, feel me up, like you're doing right now?", he asked, chuckling. Should he get rid of his pants? "Well, yes, but ... you seem to be feeling better, no?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "It won't. I'll day as an old man in my sleep.", Caelan said, exactly that was his plan. He wasn't reckless because he tried to hurt or kill himself and before that tournament he hadn't hurt himself for a while. He spent a lot of time in Fhaergus snowy mountains, surrounded by nothing but nature, yet he didn't hurt himself then. He didn't slip, or trip, nor did he freeze or starve. He wouldn't even describe it as reckless, he just pushed himself to the limits and wanted to know how far he was able to get, but he didn't do it lightly, he planned his trips, brought blankets, firewood and food and whatever else he needed. Of course it was dangerous, but he knew the risks and tried to avoid anything that was able to kill him. He didn't run straight into a bears cave or scream atop of a hill to cause an avalanche. Ronan was one to talk anyway, but Caelan rather not thought about any of this, because he still didn't understand, felt helpless and maybe a little bit angry. At least he hadn't done anything stupid after the accident.

      "I'm happy to help.", Caelan smiled, looking at Ronan who seemed in high spirits since Caelan was in his own room, well they were able to spend all their time together, with no one else around them. "Something like that I guess, though I can't imagine a son which is not blonde... you should see our family portraits, there was some light brown tones in it, but never pitch black hair.", Caelan explained, his father probably would tell him that he didn't even got that right. "Yeah, we can't get married for real either, otherwise I'd ask you.", Caelan answered and looked down on his own chest, now who was playing here? "If I remember correctly, I've pleased you with just my hands two times before at least. At our first night and at the hut.", he said with a smirk on his face, well one side of his face had it at least. As if to strengthen his point he let his hand wander from Ronan thigh to the inside of it and then let his hand slide up some more. "I am feeling better and doctors orders is to stay in bed right? I'm doing just that and maybe still get some exercise!" He still wanted to get up sometime today.

    • "I'll take your word for it!" Ronan would, even if he wasn't here to see it himself - he didn't want to tell Caelan that he had no plans to live that long, to actually become the next Duke of Alster, to be someone that actually gave a damn about others worries as opposed to his own. It all culminated in his own pain, in the gruesome reality of having to realize that - in the end - it wouldn't matter. Once he'd die, Caelan would forget about him, sooner than later. And after that was done, after he'd forgotten, there would be a hole in his heart that he needed to fill, to stuff, with someone else - simply because his beloved wouldn't be around anymore, buried six feet under and busy with decaying. This was everything he'd ever wanted, even if his desire for his boyfriend - his yearning for love - tugged at his heartstrings and kept him in place for now, kept him more alive than he thought he ever could be. Every single time those strong, calloused and burning hot hands touched his exposed skin, Ronan could feel something bubbling up under his skin, a shiver running down his spine - love was simply, albeit hard to grasp and yet, it helped him feel more alive, even though it was unable to rob him of his thoughts completely.

      "Mhm", he mused, still smiling. What did he want? What did the two of them want? More kisses, some cuddling, hot breakfast ... wasn't that it? Right now, he wished for the ability to turn back time, to return to the hut they'd secluded themselves in and spend a good chunk of their time just having fun, not needing to worry about anything but basic necessities. "Blonde, through and through? Come to think of it, I think the last time someone of Alsters nobles had blonde hair and blue eyes was ages ago - but alas, I'm also one of the few of us that have pitchblack hair." And it was odd at that, but while he and his mother knew why he looked the way he did, nobody else needed to do - it was fine the way it was. "We could, if we run away." Not everyone had to be as prude as the people of Adrestia in that regard, or did they? All of them worshipped different gods, maybe the southlanders had a different understanding ... or, what about the wolves? "Fair enough, you got me there. Still, I think it would be more enjoyable for me to pleasure you, lest you get a headache from moving your head too much." In the end, maybe sex wasn't actually a good solution either, even if he was stroking over Caelans chest, only to stop and trace the sea of scars, deeply engrained in what he believed to be once smooth skin, too. "Exercise? How?", he giggled - what was the blonde going on about?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Fhaergus people are easy to recognize, yeah, I'm not sure if that is good. Other houses come with all sorts of hair and eye colors, blue, green, brown, a mixture, light, dark, red hair, brown hair, black hair... for us it's kind of boring - oh another blond child with blue eyes. Though at least the shades differ.", he mumbled, actually he didn't even care that much and even if they'd be able to have a child, if it looked exactly like Ronan, it would be finde too, though maybe Caelan was a little sad no one recognized it as his. "I like our hair, it makes your skin look even more beautiful.", he smiled letting one hand brush over it while he said it. Ronan was pale as the snow, it was beautiful and the dark hair made a nice contrast. It looked way better than the blond hair of Caelan that hardly made his pale skin look any better. It was weird, he was outside so often and yet he didn't get color, as if Fhaergus heirs were made to hide in the snow. "I also like your eyes, if the light is right they almost look orange, like a hawks... or a wolves."

      "We already established we won't be running away, right? Do you really think the south would allow anything like that? I wouldn't know, I've never even meet someone from there, not that that was easy anyway.", Caelan mused, the southern lands did trade with Adrestia, but there was nothing much they knew about them. Stories say that the south was about ten times as big as the northern Adrestia, something that was almost unimaginable. Maybe somewhere in all that land was some place Ronan and Caelan could actually be together. "I don't need to move my head much to please you, would I?, he asked, but didn't do anything for now, instead he looked at Ronan and tried to figure out what he was looking at. "See something you like?", he asked, there was more than one scar on his chest, rips and sides and one big one on the side of his stomach, where the boar hit him, right over his right hipbone. "Well I can move a lot without leaving the bed and I have a lot of options here, as long as you stay.", he chuckled and tried to sit up, using only the muslec in his stomach, but his body still felt a little weak and it was weird what muscles one needed without noticing it if they didn't hurt. Not that they hurt a lot, it was more like not working out right and somehow it made his cheek burn more, still he started it and didn't want to be defeated by that wound.

    • "But still, all of your personalities tend to differ. Some of you are quirky, open and loving while others are stern, arrogant liars that claw to the things they can't have. All of Alsters nobles, albeit different in looks, are pretty much the same. Sly snakes with tongues of gold", Ronan felt like he had to explain that, but in reality, it was painfully obvious what kind of people his family consisted of. His grandfather, even though a rather secluded, shy man, was apparently every bit as convincing as some snake, luring poor souls into the depths of hell - his mother had said so herself and for that, Ronan did envy the man. "And now you're going to tell me my lips, as red as they are, would look even better in a lovely shade of red so I can leave sinful marks all over you", he chuckled, swallowing down all the compliments he received like he was hungry for more. Something was different today, but whatever that might have been, Ronan couldn't know. Instead, he brushed some of the black strands of hair out of his way, tucked them behind his ear and kept on looking down to where Caelan was lying - he actually wanted to kiss him some more. "Orange like a wolves? Caelan, since when do actual wolves have orange eyes?", he laughed, again.

      "Running away will never not be an option though, as stupid as it sounds. And, if we really wanted to run off to the south, we could at least gather information first. We barely know anything about the wolves and ... I have no idea what lies beyond the ocean in the east." Wherever they went, their journey would be cut short by something, as if fate would only will them to be together if they suffered together in Adrestia and nowhere else. It was stupid, albeit understandable - they couldn't betray their houses, their status or their family. "No, but I do think you like looking at me, that's all." Caelan himself had said that it was harder than anything to keep those annoying hands of his off of the black haired noble - and Ronan was ready to indulge him and let him do what he wanted, as a reward for ... what now? "You. Everything about you. Your blonde hair, your blue eyes, those scars of your ands your enthralling words, sounding like you'd steal the stars for me - I don't like you, Caelan, I love you." Truth be told, how much longer could he do all of this? When would there be someone to find out about them? "So you're doing situps now? And using me as your training weight? Boooo, give me a kiss."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "True, somehow. My grandfather was a mixture of my father and my uncle. He wasn't as strict, but also not as reckless, though reckless enough to... well let's not talk about that, it doesn't matter anyway." If he had gone on about that he had sounded like his father, judging not only Dreigh, but also Caelans grandfather for what had happened, though he'd never really said it out loud. They didn't lock Caelans aunt up somewhere and that's the reason she died, Allard never got over it. "Well sounds like your father, but the true lineage lays in your mother, right? She's not like that, is she now? Has your grandfather arranged that marriage? Did he like your father?", Caelan asked instead of talking about his own family, he knew not enough about them anyway, no matter how often he had to study some history. "You don't need to put on a red shade, you're beautiful already and I don't want to make you into my girlfriend. I'm completely fine with who and what you are.", he answered with a charming and loving smile. He knew he overdid it right now, though he also meant it. He was in a good mood and he always liked flirting, even if he had no interested in the girls at the end. "Actual animal wolves do have orange eyes, some of them at least, or call it brown like yours are. I think I've never seen a... human wolves... you know what I mean! There are none in Fhaergus, I guess there's not much to see or to trade for them."

      "Information gathering will be your task, I'll get us there unharmed, that's only fair!", Caelan announced. He liked to be prepared, but gathering information like that sounded boring somehow, so he rather left that to Ronan. Caelans gaze turned into a confused one however. "Why would you say that? I always want to look at you, though I can't promise I'll just sit still while I do.", he said almost in shock, of course he liked looking at Ronan, he adored him after all. Then again his face wasn't able to relax, but surprise turned into amusement pretty fast. "You're flattering me too much.", he chuckled while he was still sitting up - well that hurt somehow, but he didn't say a word. "Sure, my body craves for some action.", he mumbled and then leaned forward to carefully press his lips on Ronans. There was only a short sting, but also not much more than their lips touching for a moment, he wasn't a good kisser right now. "I could do more situps, but your doc wouldn't approve that I guess." Instead he just put one arm around Ronan and the other one he used to support his weight.

    • "I won't probe if you won't tell, but feel free to tell me whatever when you feel like it, alright?" They both were sharing their pain with one another and as profound as it sounded, it wasn't - Ronan knew that. In the end, they both were tied to their mortal ideals and they were nothing more than puppets on thin strings, sometimes seemingly moving by their lonesome. However, in the end, they still were controlled by ghosts of days past and by people that thought they had power over them, one way or the other. "You sure like talking, I give you that. But, mh. My father is, well, I don't know why he is that way, but as for my mother, she is quite the sweet person, but I do have to admit that she stays true to her bloodline. As for how they got engaged to one another, I don't really know. I never pry into that sort of stuff and it isn't my place to, you know? My grandfather did like Darragh, but mainly because they both had a common enemy", and that, in the end, were the wolves they both despised so much. Saoirse had told him that her own father was but a bitter man, easily swayed by the devils words, but as for Darragh ... wasn't he the devil himself? "My lips won't stain like that, though", and that was a fact. Maybe he could at least wear some sort of it during the masquerade. "There aren't many in Fhaergus? Well, I suppose if they leave their frigid country, they'd want to go anywhere but to the next fridig one."

      "Then it's settled! Once I find us a suitable place, we ought to get going! And no lame excuses like you, needing to rule Fhaergus! This damn country can govern itself!" And their parents weren't even that old. If they really ever felt the need to, they probably could come back on a whim or at least try to, somehow. "See? That's why I said it! To you, I probably look irresistible and you'll praise me to the high heavens if you ever get a chance to!" The compliments would be mainly about his beauty and by now, Ronan felt gross - gross, because he simply didn't put effort into maintaining anything, not even this so called beauty that Caelan seemed to see in him - and all of the compliments, oh so suddenly, felt like hell. "That's what you get for always flattering me!", he said, pouting ever so slightly, like a little child trying to get what it wanted. Two could play this game and if Caelan insisted, his beloved boyfriend would grant him one hell of a time. "Action? You should rest, not yearn for action." But that wasn't bad, no? Especially not when he got a kiss out of it, which he returned - as softly as he could, unwilling to hurt Caelan any more or cause him pain. "I don't think he would, so what do you want to do? Cuddling or eating? Or, well, my ... offer still stands?", he chuckled, embracing the warmth Caelan was offering him fully. Like this, he felt secure - and he wouldn't want it any other way.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "It's just not very important.", Caelan answered, it wasn't something he needed to take off his chest, it was just a story that happened a long long time ago. That Caelans aunt died young wasn't a secret either and she wasn't the first of the Fhaergus lineage that had a short life, those things happened. "Have I asked too many questions?", he asked apologetic, but he got an answer still, so he was happy. "A common enemy? You mean the wolves?", Caelan asked and thought about Ronans words once more. "So... are you staying true to your bloodline as well? Do I need to be careful around you?", he joked and poked his boyfriend in his side. He didn't seem very sinister. "You sound like you want to wear some makeup. It's good I won't get stained, I can explain all that away during an event, but not alone here with you, unless I maybe blame a maid, but I don't want to get anyone into trouble.", he answered looking at Ronan, sometimes he asked himself if Ronan was scared Caelan wanted a girl instead of a guy in the end.

      Caelan was not in the moos to shatter Ronans dreams, so he just smiled and said nothing. He couldn't just run away, could he? Would they even be able to? Someone would look for them and they were easily recognizable. There was only one real way to get to the south, it would be easy to find them and then they knew nothing about the southern countries and the were nothing there. "I can also look at you and shut my mouth, if you prefer that.", Caelan answered, letting one hand run over Ronans exposed skin, actually seeing him towering over the blonde like that felt good. "I've rested enough, I've been lying in bed for forever now, I need to move my body.", he wailed, but let himself fall back down into his pillow again, maybe he should have done that a little bit slower, but it didn't hurt all too much. "I don't want to feel like I owe you something...", he mumbled and looked to the side and around the room. It was boring to stay in here. "By the way, ou got two wishes now..."

    • "No need to talk about it then", Ronan answered. In the end, did it really matter if Caelan told him something about himself and his family or not? All that did matter to the noble was his boyfriend, not his social standing or even the fact he was part of a noble house, just like he was. "No, you're just asking a lot of them at once, but I wouldn't say it's too many, you know?" He'd still answer all of them, as ridiculous as they were and now that they had some time they could spend together like this, he wondered if he shouldn't get back to work and take care of their breakfast, lest anyone got suspicious. "Darragh hates them and as far as I'm concerned, my grandafther had something like a distaste for them as well. He died before my mother and Darragh got married, though, so I can't say for sure." Everything he knew was secondhand information that he had pried out of his mother on accident, once or twice. Therefore, he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to trust it or if he'd rather stayed skeptical about everything he was told. "If I were, I'd probably be as straight as a cardboard and would have already ran to Darragh and told him you were gay, so ... I doubt it", he whispered. Naturally, there were some traits he shared with the rest of Alsters ruling class, but most of it had been muddled in between different traits. "Fair enough ... and it's not that, it's just ... well, maybe giving you some hickeys would be more effective."

      They both were hopeless and Ronan knew as much. In the end, it boiled down to them being nothing more than horny, idealistic teenagers that thought they could rule the world or cast aside everything they were bound to with a single gesture - and unfortunately, it wasn't like that. Maybe he should stop dreaming, come to terms with becoming duke one day and having to watch how the rest of his life played out, all the while he was married to someone he barely knew or cared for and had to have children with, to continue this stupid, accursed bloodline. "Don't. I like it, go on", he demanded all of a sudden, smiling ever so slightly at his boyfriend. There were things he had to grow accustomed to, so why not compliments coming from Caelan, or even questions that needed actual answers instead of halfbaked ones? "Forever? More like four days, but ... I get what you mean. Still, you shouldn't move too much but. I can help you on your feet, if you'd like?" Ronan wasn't sure if that would work, especially since it might as well do more harm than good and he shouldn't be offering his help to the blonde in the first place. Instead, he brushed aside some of Caelans hair, peskily falling back into his face once he lay down. "You aren't, so tell me what you want." But he was right, still, Ronan felt like he owed Caelan something to begin with, now that he was stuck here with ... well, that. "Two? I won on accident, I really don't deserve another one."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I'm just curious about you, I can't help it.", Caelan answered smiling and listened to Ronans answers. He didn't know much about Alster and everything that was know to the public was just a family like his, or Caelans wanted them to see, it was not necessarily the truth. not even Ronan and Caelan themselves knew everything about their respective families, there were so many secrets and lies involved and also opinions. His father had an opinion about what had happened with his sister and Caelan didn't get to know his side, but the side his grandmother thought was Allards version, so how much of it was actually true? "Hm... if you were you'd not pointed me to the fact I could love a man, so there would be no problem.", Caelan said with another smile, letting his hand brush over Ronans side, he couldn't just get his hands off of him, could he now? "Don't you dare give me some, mine are still visible and I can't explain them away either!", he almost laughed but stopped himself. The bitemarks he left on Ronan were visible still too, that had been an accident actually. The perfect skin hat some places it was not so perfect now and Caelan moved his finger over one of the marks.

      "Now what? First you complain and now you want me to continue, make up your mind!", Caelan said and he wasn't even sure what to say to him right now. Compliments were nothing he could just come up with, they had to be the truth after all! But having him here like that was quite nice. "I like having you towering over me like that, you know? And it's only natural, now that you're the stronger one." Then Caelan shook his head. "I can get up on my own!", he murmured, he didn't want any help in that regard, he was able to move his legs just fine and the really wanted to. "Well then, I want breakfast, especially that egg and afterwards I want to move around a little.", he announced and when he had to lie down again he wanted something to do, maybe he could stay up the whole day though? "We didn't specifiy the way of winning, you won so you got a wish now, added the previous one. So now I owe you two! Just use them already!", Caelan complained, he idn't want to wait for it. "If I need to move for them I'll do it, I'm fine - really. And I'm very curious."

    • "About me? Why me, of all people?" Did that even make sense? In the end, Ronan of Alster was a nobody, crowned by words rather than a circlet, telling everyone of his heritage. Naturally, he was a duke - or, a duke to be - and there was nothing exciting about that. He was who he ought to be, as simple as that. Silence befell even the strongest of them, the most skilled with words and all of that ended - seemingly - in nothing but a big disaster, ripe with errors and misunderstanding. Unbeknownst to many of them, there barely was anything they could do and there literally wasn't much to make of that. "Fair enough, after all, I'd rat out myself alongside you, so either way, this would have ended up as our little secret, whether I had liked it or not." Naturally, wouldn't that have made them each others enemies? Enemies, tied together by the tides of fate and forced to be with one another, simply because of the fact that they found out things about one another that - as dumb as it sounded - would only cause both of them to get into indefinite trouble. "And what if I want to? It's not like you can struggle against me like this, I have the upper hand!", he laughed, content with what he had right now. Soon enough, however, he flinched. Right, he still had hickeys and despite them not hurting, the sensation of having them touched was ... odd.

      "I want you to praise me to the high heavens! Tell me whatever comes to mind, be nice to me! Tell me how much you love me, anything!" Ronan wanted nothing more right now - maybe it would help him with forgetting about his mistakes, or even help him with forgetting about the world he found himself in, in the place he hated so much - but truth be told, he didn't even know himself. Literally speaking, much of this was beyond his control and he could only sit idle and watch. "Now that I'm the stronger one? Don't be silly! You probably could crush my bones if you wanted. But good to know you like me being the one in control", he chimed, happy to hear something but still uneasy about what Caelan had said - he wasn't exactly fragile, but the blonde could still rip him to shreds if he really wanted to. "Can you? Even when I sit on you like this?" Of course he could, it was still Caelan of Fhaergus that he was talking to and no some poor boy who had no idea of anything in this world. "Then I'll go get you some, as soon as I put my shirt back one - if I'm allowed to, that is." They both really needed a bath, but ... could he even get Caelan there? Maybe tomorrow would have been better. "I can't use the first one, you already know that one!", he chuckled. Well, he could try but it wouldn't be enjoyable for his lover like this, he doubted it at least. "Hmm, how about we postbone my second wish until you've recovered? I have something in mind, but ... not like that."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.