sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

    • "I know... that...", Caelan said, it was driving him mad that he couldn't gift Ronan a genuine smile to make him feel better. It really wasn't as bad, it just kept him from moving his face too much. The pain was manageable right now, feeling sick was fine too, he was alive, that was all that was important, wasn't it? "Promise me... you'll come back... tomorrow... to visit me...", he mumbled, actually he didn't want to leave Ronan all alone, alone with his own thoughts and his regret and a promise like that was actually nothing Ronan could give, but Caelan was hurt, so he was allowed to ask for a selfish favor, or not? If he had to worry about Ronan and his well-being he wouldn't sleep himself, although he needed to to get better. "I'm... feeling better... when you're here and I... would actually want you to... stay..." But he knew that wasn't possible, how would they explain anything like that? He had no business here unless he was apologizing and looking after a noble guest eh had hurt, but there was no way he should be here the whole night. Caelan didn't want to be alone in this dark and reeking room, he wanted to feel Ronan by his side like the night before. Now he was probably not going back home tomorrow, but he still couldn't sleep in the same bed as Ronan. Maybe if he took some more of that stupid medicine and rested up, maybe he could sleep in a guest room instead of in here. All of a sudden he even felt anxious thinking about the following night without his boyfriend, this was an odd and unsuspected feeling, but he... missed him? Additionally he was scared that he'd not see him again if he let him go, not because he was going to die, but because Ronan maybe was.

      "You don't... have to.. we'll never fight... again... promise...", he said, they both fucked up. Actually Caelan fucked up even more, he lost because he had worried too much and therefore hadn't paid attention. The strike was surprising because his focus lay on Ronan and his pain and because his vision was narrowed, because he loved him so much. Caelan slightly shook his head, well that hurt as much as talking so this didn't work out. "Mhh... your doc said... I swallowed a lot of... blood... and that's making me... feel sick... the wound's... still bleeding... a little bit...", he explained, that actually meant that at some point Ronans blade cut through his cheek into his oral cavity, right? It couldn't have been mutch and it was probably patched up by now, but he still tasted the blood dripping on his tongue. It wasn't much, not at all, but it still was disgusting and it let his stomach turn. At least Ronan stood up again and did what he was asked. Caelan soon felt his head on his chest, and slowly moved his arms to wrap them around his boyfriend. He slowly caressed his hair and stroke his back to calm him down, while he did that he closed his own eyes, trying to breath away the sickness and the pain that grew more present the more the clouds shrouding his mind lifted. "It's... okay...", he softly whispered, oh what would he have given for having Ronan stay right there. "I'll be... better tomorrow... you can... bring me some... breakfast... how about... that...?"

    • They both were stupid - it was stupid of him to cry, stupid of him to think that he could spend the rest of his days by Caelans side. The best solution to this problem would be peeling himself away from his boyfriend, giving himself some space and wondering if he could cross the thin line between life and death that he'd met. Ronan knew many things, but a lot of them made him feel like he seemingly knew too much about little things and as if he was, by far, only here to be made fun of by himself, by anyone that set their gaze upon him. Wasn't he too senstive and wasn't it a stupid idea to spend so much time with Caelan if eh didn't want to be found out? "I ... I'll definitely come back", there was nothing Caelan had to worry about, that was stupid anyway. In the end, what mattered was if his boyfriend felt well, if he felt good enough to talk to him or if he'd rather sleep and Ronan would be the one to provide whatever he needed, as ridiculous as all of this was sounding. "I can't ... but I want to, too", he mumbled, already crying into the blondes bedsheets. Ronan was hopeless, wasn't he? There was nothing for him to do except cry and whine about his predicaments and at the end of the day, what did he actually do except that? Feeling sorry and hating himself, but that wasn't what a noble should be doing.

      "Promise." Never having to join a tournament again sounded ecstatic, but if Ronan had to guess, his father would force him to attend another one, and another one and work him to the bonde. Now that he'd disappointed him, with a victory like that, he'd want his son to show anyone he could fight well and not as sloppy as he'd done today - how was he going to tell Darragh that he'd rather kill himself? "It's still bleeding? I'm ... so sorry", this was all his fault. If Caelan hadn't been so mindful of him, if he hadn't hurt his wrists and tried to kill himself three days ago, all of this would be fine and there would be no definite need for him to have taken care of him. This would have meant that they could have spent some time together, in peace and not like this, but now they were here and Ronan was crying into his boyfriends chests and bemoaning the situation he'd brought upon both of them. How weak was he? "Are you ... sure?", he asked, rubbing his face against the blanket and wondering if there was anything, really, that was going to keep him afloat if this went on. The easiest way out would be a knife, anywhere, or even overdosing on that medicine of his and sleeping it off. Whatever was closer, right? "I'll ... feed you some soup, I guess?", he mumbled, enjoying the hug a little while longer before he lifted his face, wiped away the tears and smiled weakly at Caelan. "Do you need anything else?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Ronan... I... I don't... have to worry about you... right?", he asked, but he already was. Caelan felt bad for not being able to muster a smile, this was the worst spot for a wound ever. Even if Ronan had cut off Caelans fucking hand, at least he would have been able to smile at him, though this was probably still preferable. Ronan had always been emotional and he doubted himself, seeing Caelan hurt and being the one responsible probably was killing him. Would it have been better if Caelan hadn't allowed him in? Would it have been better if he didn't see him? But then he would be asking himself how Caelan was doing and if he hated him now. There was no right in this situation probably, Ronan just should stop beating himself up over this. "It's... alright Ronan... you needn't... cry...", he whispered, though Ronan had told him to stop forcing himself to talk, but he was Caelan of Fhaergus, he always ran his mouth and it was fine. Ronan was more important than the stinging pain on the side of his face. "Please don't... beat yourself up... over this... I'm not mad... and I won't... die... or have permanent... damage..."

      Even if Ronans father forced him to more tournaments, then Caelan would just back out of that one. What happened was prove that he couldn't fight Ronan and that the possibility for Ronan to hurt Caelan again alone would kill the black-haired noble. Caelan felt sorry for his stupidity, it was his fault they both felt like shit right now. "I... yeah... not much... it's... stitched up... I guess... I don't know... but I swallowed a lot... before... I guess..." Actually he knew nothing, he didn't know how badly he was hurt, he didn't know how he looked or how he was treated or even what medicine had been forced into his system. He didn't quite feel like himself that was for sure and he hated the feeling of being all drowsy, he preferred the pain at least for now, it didn't feel that bad yet, but his mind was still clouded. He still caressed Ronan and tried to calm him down, his weight on his chest felt actually good. "Soup... sounds fine... I don't feel like... chewing much...", he said and even laughed just a little bit, though it let him flinch right away. As Ronan lifted up his head Caelan looked at him and at least tried to smile with half of his face, he probably looked worse than it actually was, with bloody face, tired eyes and whatever happened to the side of his face. "I'm... fine... but maybe... my own... room... as of... tomorrow. You could... sneak in then..."

    • "Why worry about me?", he asked, almost confused. Well, maybe Caelan had to worry about him, but the worst thing he could do was overindulge in the medicine he'd been given and sleep a bit longer than agreed upon, there wasn't more to it and Ronan would be lying if he claimed he hadn't thought abound ending it all, just because he'd hurt his boyfriend. A mere overreaction could cause so much, so much pain that he wasn't quite sure what he'd do, except maybe lose that little head of his sooner than later and hope for something, for someone to lend him a hand and help him stop overfocusing on the wrong things. Obviously, his boyfriend was as fine as he could be, yet he wasn't sure if he wanted to leave him all of a sudden. "I'm so sorry, Caelan. I'll stop", he said, his voice seemingly shaking. Ronan of Alster was a dead man, or rather he wanted to be one, yet there was no reason for him to actually pull through with his desires. In the end, he was bound to this world, simply because of the fear he was feeling in his body, the fear that was paralizing him and forcing him to be someone he didn't think he could be. "Just ... don't force yourself to talk. I'll be ... no, I'm fine, don't worry." Even if he wasn't, he could deal with this.

      Maybe he could go back to his room, overfocus on his papers and then, when all was said and done, slip into his bed and not wake up for a good while, long enough to force him to be somewhere else, in a world where he was - at least - not in pain, at least not like this. However, truth be told, trying to run away from this situation only made it worse and the reality of it was that there barely was anything he could do, let alone something he had time to come up with. "Rest up, don't force yourself to do anything", he commented and wondered how deep the cut actually was, yet, he didn't want to take a look and just hoped that his doctor had done a good job with Caelans face and all of it would be healing in no time. From here on out, his resolve had strengthened - he didn't need to fight, nor did he need a sword. "I'll bring you soup then, and help you eat, if you need me to", the young noble proclaimed, nervously scratching the back of his head. Of all places to actually find himself in, he doubted it would have been this reeking room. Why did they even place Caelan here? Despite the bleeding, he wasn't going to die - but it was better to have him here, wasn't it? "I'll try to get you back into that room of yours, but ... I think I have to go now", he sighed, ruffling through the blonde hair as he heard the door creak that he'd closed earlier. "We'll see each other tomorrow, then?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I... never... mind...", he mumbled, if Ronan wasn't even thinking about hurting or worse killing himself, than Caelan didn't want to be the one planting that idea in his head. The wounds on his wrists barely started to heal and the wound that left in Caelans heart was still bleeding, he could not not think about it. Ronan was sensible and he probably felt incredibly and unbearably sorry for what had happened, Caelan was worried, but he didn't voice it. As long as Ronan showed up here tomorrow all was fine. "N-no... it's fine... to cry, but... you really... don't have to...", he croaked, the more he talked the more his face started to burn, maybe it also was because the medication wore off. The blonde knitted his brows as if that would help with the pain, grinding his teeth certainly wasn't. As long as Ronan was here though, he didn't want to feel sleepy or drowsy, he rather endured the pain, he hated not to know what was happening around him, the half-awake state he had been in before was scary, but for tonight, since he would be all alone, maybe he'd take some other shot of that cursed medicine. "Mhh-hm..." This time he only made a noise, that was fine and didn't strain the patched up skin on his cheek, if he didn't need to maybe it was actually the best not to talk.

      Again he just nodded not saying anything anymore, he didn't want to worry Ronan and so he didn't force himself to speak or smile or do anything else with his face. Caelan didn't want him to go though, but the only thing he could do was hoping that the medicine would knock him out cold and the next thing he saw was Ronan bringing breakfast. "Th-thank you..." He wanted to add that he was pretty sure using his hands to get the soup in his own mouth wouldn't be a problem, but he didn't want to form the words anymore, he could tell Ronan that tomorrow. His own room sounded preferable too, it reeked here and the room was not very welcoming. Caelan felt alone, trapped even and as he had said, Ronan could sneak into Caelans room if he had his own without a doctor watching him. Caelans hair was ruffled and he looked up. Please don't go... He could only watch Ronan walk back to the door and briefly lift his hand to wave him goodbye instead of saying anything. The doc was changing places and would probably care about him while Ronan went away. No one else had been here either, maybe Allard had stopped anyone, but this was Ronans home, so he was allowed in in the end, that was a theory at least.

    • "Sleep well", Ronan croaked as a farewell to his boyfriend and after that, made his way out of the room - and parted with his doctor, who probably would go back to check up on Caelan. Once he'd left the room, he made a beeline for one of the servants and asked them to fill up the bathtub, to put whatever kind of dried herbs and flowers they had in there and to add a generous serving of soap. Ronan wanted nothing more than to soak, to forget the stress of today and still, right now, he couldn't go to the bathroom and instead, as unwise as it was, returned to his room where he - as expected - found his father waiting for him. He gulped. "Is something amiss?", the voice of Darragh thundered as Ronan closed the door behind him and avoided the deep, dark gaze of his father. What was he even feeling? "I feel sick, that's all." Truth be told, he wasn't even lying about it - he did feel sick and that much was clear, his hair was still damp and clinging to that forehead of his, his skin was pale and his entire complexion made him look, undeniably, rancid. "You do look the part - is it because you hurt him?", the man asked as Ronan leaned against the wooden door that his back was trapped against, feeling like he was sinking into the ground, getting smaller by the second the closer his father got. "P-partially, father", he stammered as Darragh stopped mere centimeters before him. Then, much to his dismay, he ruffled his hair - and Ronan looked confused, bewildered even. "You did well today, so don't let something like this drag you down, son. Did I make myself clear?" This felt wrong, so incredibly wrong and albeit his heart swelled with pride, he wasn't sure what to think of it. Was he not a tool to his father? "Yes, yes father", he mumbled, avoiding Darraghs gaze once more. "Good. Now, get some rest, I can't have you looking like this", he hissed, brushing past his own son.

      All of this was bewildering to say the least and after his father had left, Ronan was confused - so damn confused. Why was Darragh, of all people, proud of him? Why was this happening? This had, obviously, been the wrong thing to do and yet his father was trying his darnest to send him spiraling down to his feet. "Mylord, your bath", another voice said, way too soon and Ronan got back up, not having realized that he'd sank to his knees to begin with."Yes, um. Thank you?", he said, unsure about what else he was supposed to do and once he heard the servant leave, did the same - he went from his room to the bathroom, shed his clothing and found his nightgowns folded on one of the shelves there. Ronan was rummaging through all sorts of drawers, but he found nothing, not a single needle, not a single knife, nothing - wherever he'd put it, it was gone and instead, he settled down in the marble tub, in the burning hot water and loosened his hairtie, sinking into it completely, soaking his hair, his entire body and even his damn wrists - he had to wash himself, he didn't need company and he'd removed the bandages for just that. Another wave of sharp pain coursed through his body as soon as that happened, but ... he didn't care, no. If there was no knife to take away all of these stupid feelings, there was water and there were hands to keep his head where it was - but he couldn't do that, as much as he wanted to rip the skin off of his face and bleed to death. Ronan sat there, for god knew how long, sporadically sinking into the water below, but once he got out, the water had already gotten cold and multiple dried strands of lavender had been stuck in his hair, among other things. Right now, he was too tired to take them out and thus, he mainly put on his clothing and picked up the dirty ones, threw them in a bin and then wandered aimlessly back to his room. A quick glance to the dresser there and he already dragged his own box of medicine supplies out, started to stir some of the powder in some of the fresh water and while he was at it, started to re-bandage those wrists of his. A swig later, he was already back in bed and he hoped that the amount of powder he'd taken would numb the pain and actually pull him to sleep.

      How late was it? His body wasn't cooperating, not in the slightest - he groaned, croaked, did whatever he could to get this damn piece of trash moving and once he did, he felt like he'd at least spend an hour with getting his body back on track. Some of the lavender had fallen onto his pillow overnight and while there were still some stuck in his hair, he didn't bother to throughly comb those out, either. All he cared about was shedding his clothes, getting back into different ones and then seeing Caelan - just for a moment, just for a bit. This all took forever and a quick glance at one of the clocks told him that maybe, just maybe, ten in the morning was a bit late for breakfast, but that had never stopped anyone - and Ronan got what he wanted, even if he had multiple servants pick some dried leaves from his head. Somehow, it made all of this less tnese - and his mood brightened, to the point where bringing some soup to Caelan felt less bad. Instead, he found time to tell some of the servants to prepare Caelans room in the guest wing for him, to leave everything where it was - Ronan wanted to spend some time with him. Then, he brushed past his doctor, who had all kinds of excuses to not let him to Caelan, and he shrugged them off with some pleading. "Good morning, sleepyhead!", he laughed, as he finally dragged a chair along to his boyfriends bed and sat himself down, with a bowl of soup. "Are you feeling any better?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan had a rough night, but he was sure that was going to change the better he got and the more the wound healed. He had been given another glas of that medicine and then it started again, the swirling thoughts, drifting in and out of sleep, not knowing exactly what happened when someone opened the door, rummaged around and left again. It probably was the doctor checking up on him, but Caelan wasn't sure. He also wasn't sure if he got a light fever or not, he sure felt like it and as he woke up the first time that night, he immediately threw up into the small bucket that was placed next to his bed. This wasn't only the blood, was it? Maybe the medicine did the rest, or he was actually going to be sick as well. As the doctor came checking on him because he heard a noise he explained to him that his temperature was a little high, but nothing out of the ordinary if a wound was about to heal, it wasn't infected - not yet anyway - it just needed some time and actual rest - no talking. The rest of their conversations were short and everytime Caelan opened his mouth he got a stern blick thrown his face that let him shut up. He got another round of that crap medicine, only to go back to sleep, the sleep however wasn't good and everytime he woke up he felt more and more like he'd been awake since the day before. The stinging pain on his face wasn't numbed all the way and it got worse, even though he drank the medicine, this again was explained away and he was assured it would get better soon, this was the first night after he got stitched up, this was normal. Maybe the injury being in his face just made him over sensitive as opposed to the wounds he had had on the rest of his body, he also might have gotten a mild concussion.

      He woke up early this morning, the sun wasn't quite up yet, but again he felt kind of sick and decided to lay down sideways - on the not injured side - and try to sleep that way, but he couldn't. The wound in his mouth still bled a little bit, tiny droplets, but that accumulated and he still had to swallow most of it, because spitting was out of question. In his sleep more of it had dropped on his pillow, the doctor had put a towel on top though. The towel was changed as the doc checked on him yet again and since it was time for breakfast he brought Caelan some porridge to eat, though Ronan wanted to bring him breakfast, right? Well, there was no arguing with this man and Caelan let himself be helped up, but he insisted on eating on his own, this was no problem after all. He slid the spoon in his mouth while it was barely open, but it worked and he swallowed whatever that was, all he tasted was iron and he noticed he could feel some of the stitches with his tongue from inside his mouth. He was told to not play around with it though and keep the food on the other side of his oral cavity. The food however didn't stay in his stomach for very long, about an hour later he had to throw up again and this time he asked the doc to skip a dose of the medication. He agreed - Caelan rather lived with the pain, maybe he felt better later.

      The next time the door opened Ronan was coming in and the smile on his face made Caelan smile too - well at least somehow. The room wasn't as dim as the night before, but the doctor had put some cloth or bandage onto Caelans face which by now stuck to him simply because of the dried blood. He didn't want Ronan to see that anyway, though he wasn't even sure himself how he looked. "Morning...", he mumbled as if his mouth was stuffed and got up just a little bit, he didn't want to lie down flat when Ronan was here and he had to eat some soup anyway. He tried to fix the pillow so he had it easier to sit up straight, but that didn't quite work out, turning his head kind of hurt - he rather kept it still, but that meant he didn't see what he was doing behind his back. "Better... since I... told the doc to... not give me any more of that... medicine...", he answered, talking went a little bit better, the pain was manageable, but he kept his voice low. "Told me I should shut up... actually, but... I don't... really care...", he said somewhat conspiratorially. Truth was he actually felt a little worse than the day before but that mostly came from lack of sleep. This bed was awful and the room was grim, he was sure without that stupid medicine and with an actual bed he'd sleep better. Also if Ronan was by his side this was an additional plus. He also was confident to keep the soup in his stomach this time, at the very least he didn't want to worry Ronan and the doc better didn't tell him how the night went.

    • Visting his boyfriend probably was one of the highlights of his day. Most of the people had left yesterday, went home to attend to their noble duties and the few that remained were welcome to stay for another day, at least until Darragh would throw them out tonight. What were they even going to do with Caelan? He couldn't get to Fhaergus like this, that much was clear, but would his father even leave him in Alsters care or would that be all in vain? Like this, the blonde could stay until the wound was healed, until the threads had been pulled and he would - maybe - have a scar from this. But ... that could take a few weeks, depending on how fast it healed and for some reason, it made Ronan ecstatic, knowing that he could spend so much time with his boyfriend when he'd bemoaned the fact that he couldn't stay with him only two days ago. "He bandaged you up and you ask him to leave out the medicine? You're quite brave, I must say", the black haired noble chuckled as he sank on the chair next to Caelan, still holding the soup and eventually taking a spoonful and blowing on it. Caelan would scald the inside of his cheek like this, unless someone actually cooled it off beforehand.

      "Telling you to shut up is wasted breath, I know that already", he giggled. Caelan was horrible at anything that involved no talking, involved sitting still and Ronan knew as much - they both weren't the smartest of people and Ronan knew as much as well. Then again, what else was he supposed to do? There was nothing, not a chance to cram everything in one day. Caelans recovery would take time. "I asked the servants to keep your room the way it was and not pack your stuff", he sheepishly announced, still trying to get the soup to cool down and looking at Caelan while he did, actually expecting an answer. "I don't know if anyone has told your parents, but I don't think the doc will let you go home. I'll talk to him about the room, though - you do look tired", he announced, looking at the blonde and using his free hand to wipe some blonde strands out of his face. Caelan, probably, could use a bath too, simply from the fact that he looked all sweaty yesterday, but ... like this, he'd probably not even be allowed to actually get back up on his feet or sit down in a bathtub that he had no chances of getting out of. Then, he held the spoon for the blonde. "Eat. You could use something you can actually keep down."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Brave...?", Caelan asked, he didn't quite understand but he already felt better now that his system was finally getting rid of that medicine he was given. He wasn't used to take much of anything anyway, maybe that was why he was feeling like shit - on the other hand he probably got quite a high dose yesterday to numb the pain that would gradually get better from now on. The doctor also better did a good job at sewing him together, there sure would be a scar, but it didn't need to be ugly, right? "I didn't... feel good with it...", he said and shrugged his shoulders a little bit. "I rather have my... face hurt... than feel sick..." He watched Ronan take a a spoon. Was he trying to feed him, Caelan wasn't sure if that wouldn't hurt his ego too much, but he didn't complain - yet. The soup was still steaming hot and he doubted he was very good at blowing on it to cool it off right now, so... he might actually have needed Ronan in that moment.

      "As long... as I don't... open my mouth... real far... it shouldn't... tear open, I... I guess...", he mumbled and that also was the reason why he was barely understandable probably. He also was pretty sure that the area around the wound was swollen additionally and he needn't be reminded to take it slow while talking, the pain signaled it anyway. "Thanks...", he mumbled, he really wanted to get out of this room, he hated it and he felt like a lot of people died in here and he didn't want that to include him. Not that he thought he was so badly wounded, he just felt like the room was prone to make a recovery harder. "I... do? I haven't slept much... last night, or I... did... but I don't feel like... I have. That medicine is... the worst...", he mumbled first then talked about his parents. "I think they... were here yesterday... to see me... I don't know... what they talked about... but I guess they... know enough. I don't think they'll... stay, but they will probably... say good bye at some... point." Speaking like this was nervewrecking and he was thinking about just ignoring the pain at least a little bit more, but for now it grew more present and sometimes let him flinch when he moved his mouth too much, certain syllables were hard to form, mainly vowels like O, or A. Now he was looking at the spoon. "Are you... going to feed me...?", he asked as if there was any doubt and sighed. Shortly after he leaned forward just a little bit to take the spoon in his mouth and swallow the soup, at least it was tasty but still slightly overshadowed by a metallic taste. "That's... embarrassing. I can use my hands... you know? If you're going to feed... me, then you should at... at least sit on my lap."

    • "It's going to hurt like hell eventually is all I'm saying", Ronan explained. The truth was that, well, this was the truth. Sooner or later, Caelan would be in pain and when that happened, he might have wanted to indulge in some more of the medicine so that he at least could sleep soundly and stop having to endure this. However, what else was he supposed to do? There was nothing much, if even anything he could come up with and - in the end - what was this supposed to be? What was going to happen, if not something entirely stupid as long as they stuck together like this? "It's alright, I get what you mean. I felt like crap at the tournament too, before I sliced open your face", and he couldn't see shit, either. All of these factors had combined to make, what exactly? Unimaginable pain for both of them? Ronan felt the anxiety bubble up in his stomach again and yet he couldn't help it, there wasn't much he could do but endure, like he'd always done. Wasn't it just ridiculous? "And I'd rather have not hurt you than you being in pain, but ... we can at least spend some more time together, can't we?" For all it was worth, anyway. Ronan knew he'd be occupied, but he could move his work to Caelan, no?

      "Then don't talk too much, will you? I don't want you to be in pain longer than you need be", he sighed, admitting defeat. Ronan knew that this was but the hell he'd chosen to live in and that there wasn't much else for him to do. What was he even going to do with all the free time he could spend with Caelan now? Spend more time with him? Annoy the everloving fuck out of his boyfriend? They couldn't do much as long as the blonde was in this state and they both better slowed down, even if they wanted to be with one another really bad. Only time could tell and the wound would eventually start to heal, wouldn't it? "As for me, I slept like a baby, but while your pain tolerance is probably high, your medicine tolerance is ... not that", the black haired noble concluded. What else could it have been? After all, Caelan of Fhaergus was trying his best but Ronan of Alster was making it hard for him, wasn't he? "Does it sound mean if I say that I want them to hurry up so I can have you to myself?", he chuckled. God, why was he so in love with this man, anyway? This entire situation was turning into one embarrassing interaction and Ronan, without knowing better, checked his surroundings before he got up, sat down on Caelans lap and then pointed another spoon of soup at the blonde. "This is even more embarrassing. Eat up before anyone sees us, will you?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Oh... I was impaled by a wild... boar once, so this is... nothing.", he snorted and smiled a tiny little bit. Not that he had been sleeping all too well back than and not that he wasn't in pain, but he didn't get much medicine and the first day or two, after and while Cameron dragged him back home, he was pretty much knocked out cold from the loss of blood anyway. When he woke up though it did hurt, yes, but at least he was able to run his mouth and listen to Cameron explaining to his siblings and parents what had happened more than once. "See? The medicine is to blame for... all... of this.", he answered, there was probably nothing - not even a sliced face - that could keep Caelan from making jokes, especially if it was just him lying in the infirmary. "This will... get a lot better really soon... but not enough for me to... just travel home...", he said and reached out his hand to brush over Ronans cheek. "We'll have a... lot more time...together. But you need to... keep me amused, right? That's a hard... task..." Ronan also had to hold him back probably, he shouldn't run around nor or not even in a week probably, but he sure as hell wanted at some point, especially since his legs were fine, right?

      "Haven't you already noticed... that no one can... shut me up?", Caelan answered and he would have laughed but instead he just flinched as he tried and suppressed the urge to put his hand on the injury. He wanted a mirror somehow... he would have asked Ronan how he looked but he didn't want to upset him any more than necessary, though at least he seemed to have a good mood. "My parents probably... come pretty soon, maybe they are still talking... to your parents. They need to feed... me after all.", he answered. Allard wouldn't stay here for too long probably, he needed to get back home and the mountain pass wasn't easily crossed with a carriage, so it would take some time. If he wanted to be home before the sun set he had to leave before lunch. At least for now Ronan really sat down on his lap, although this had been nothing more than a joke, still Caelan was happy. "Only for you...", he mumbled, at least his eyes were smiling and then he let Ronan put the spoon in his mouth again. He really did shut up until the soup was gone.

    • "Even if you were, that healed by now. I imagine that this pain is different, isn't it?", he asked. Ronan knew nothing about stuff like that. He had always been Darraghs obedient little pet and that meant he hadn't gotten himself in trouble, not even once - instead, he was doing what he deemed to be right and that meant, for one reason or the other, there was a reason for the missing scars and the missing life experience that he could have had. Naturally, this was somehow sad, but ... Ronan didn't mind. "Sure is, Caelan", he answered. Blaming the mediicne was one thing, but relying on the halftruth of that actually being the case was something else. What else could he do except finding a viable excuse for all the pain he found himself in? Maybe ignore each others predicament and then figure out what it was that had led to this situation? "I'll keep you as amused as I can, I promise. But I'll have to take care of other things sometime, too - you understand that, don't you?" As much as he wanted to spend every last second with his boyfriend, Ronan wanted nothing more than to get rid of the paper stacks on his table, the things he had ignored and that Darragh didn't want to deal with himself.

      "I did, but I prefer to believe that I'll figure something out." However, who was truly capable of shutting up someone like Caelan of Fhaergus? Ronan doubted it would be him, but if push came to shove, maybe he could sew his mouth shut or come up with something more pleasant, something that wasn't ... this. In the end, what did it matter? Was there even something that he needed to do or was all of this just a ploy of Caelan, who wanted nothing more than to be shut up by ... "You know, a kiss can shut you up", he absentmindedly blurted out, yet peered at his boyfriend. "They need to feed you? What am I feeding you for, then?", Ronan complained, jokingly - he wasn't actually mad nor was he really trying to agitate Caelan or run off with a hot bowl of soup - this was stupid anyway, there was nothing to be done about this, wasn't there? It didn't take them long to finish the bowl of soup and it took even less time for Ronan to put the bowl aside, on the filmsy nightstand and smile at the blonde, ruffling his hair. "I can't wait to get you out of this room, I hate it here, but you'll have to make do until the doctor grants his approval - whenever that may be."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Mhm... I was knocked out... cold... the first few days, so...I hadn't endured any of... what I have to... endure now and the wound being... literally on my face is... annoying. I'd probably be able to talk... normally if it were... anywhere else, you know? It stings everytime I move my head... bow down or... talk, but it isn't that bad... I kinda feel... weak, this is only a cut...", he answered Ronan even though he came a little late after he already had eaten the soup. Well it had been better to shut up for that task anyway and it didn't take too long, he was hungry anyway- no wonder. Since yesterdays breakfast all he ate was the porridge and that went back out again. He even was able to feel Ronan more close to him for a while and that had been nice, he was sure he'd be able to sleep if only Ronan stayed by his side, at least a few hours. Also he wanted to get out of here the smell of bandages and alcohol depressed him. "I'm not... a child, but no... I don't understand, what could be more... important than me?", he joked but truth be told, he probably was too tired to do a lot of things and when he actually fell asleep, Ronan could do whatever he needed to do. Caelans body needed to heal that would take some of his energy away.

      He would have laughed if he had been able to, instead he just slightly shook his head. "I don't know if you... want to kiss me... right now.", he answered, he also wasn't sure if he was even able to kiss Ronan back, probably not and his lips were dry and maybe even a little bit bloody - that was no good. Was there also blood on his face still? There was some on his hair and... what actually happened to his shirt? It probably was thrown away by now, but when did he change, or who did change him and whom belonged those clothes he wore? He hadn't looked under the blanket so maybe he didn't even wear his own pants. "Well they... need to provide the food... at least.", Caelan answered with a tiny smile. "I won't run... away in my room... either. And he doesn't have to... check on me every... hour, I'm fine..." If he did Ronan could barely stay by his side in the bed, it had to be enough for the doctor to check in for breakfast, lunch and or dinner, there wasn't much he could do anyway and if he tried to give Caelan something against the pain again, he'd refuse.

    • "You like to talk a lot and run your mouth like there's no tomorrow sometimes, of course it's going to bother you. I just hope that this starts to heal soon and won't tear open all the time, simply because you want to talk with someone." Right now, their conversations were a waste of air and of Caelans precious time, time he could have spend healing instead of talking to him - and Ronan wondered, wondered so damn much, why it was that he still forced himself to speak to Caelan and why the blonde did the same. They both should rest, spend their days taking care of one another instead of being self-sacrificing idiots, but instead, they did whatever came to mind and the truth, as told, as nothing short of a miracle. "Paperwork my father gives me", he sighed, slowly ruffling through the blonde locks on Caelans head and wondering if there was a comb he could get, to at least stop the strands of glueing together until his fellow noble could wash himself. "I'd rather have you be my top priority, but I think my father will rip off my head if I excuse my procrastination with the fact that I want to take care of you, you know? I don't think he'd take all that kindly to it."

      Still, it felt like a fever dream that his father had - actually - not ripped his head off for riping Caelan's cheeks up like that and somehow it was odd to even think that his father had, in fact, liked what his son had done. Not as odd as to assume he was amused by the fact that he, of all people, could even beat someone like Caelan of Fhaergus, but truth be told, it had happened because they both were too focused on one another and - definitely - couldn't help it but watch out for each other. "I'd rather not get your wound infected, but I'd kiss you any day", he said and meant it. Ronan was painfully aware that there barely was something he could do about their predicament and instead they both had to suffer in their own way, as silly as it sounded and as sad as it was. "Don't be silly, I need to provide food because I put you into this damn situation", he sighed, paused for a moment and then thought about it. Did he really, truly need to provide food for Caelan or was this all just a hoax of sorts? "I'll tell him that, but first you should rest and when you wake back up, I'll get you into your won room, how does that sound? Give me an hour or maybe two." Ronan already got up, especially since he heard some of the floorboards creek - or at least thought he did. Then, he gave Caelan quite the weak but reassuring smile. "Just take care."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I try not to... tear it open I mean...", he mumbled, for now he really didn't like the idea and it wasn't hard to be careful, after all he was constantly reminded of the wound anyway. When he looked back and tried to remember the time he got hit, he realized that it might as well have been his eye stitched together now, so he actually could be glad it turned out like this and not differently. His bones weren't really hurt either, his jaw got a little bit cracked but it wasn't fully broken and his nose was hit too, but it wasn't like his face had been completely destroyed, it hadn't be a direct hit. "Don't you have to... take care of your guest...?", Caelan asked looking like a hurt puppy... well he actually was a hurt puppy. Also he didn't fancy the fact to be helped by a maid or some servant, if anyone was going to help him wash or eat then it had to be Ronan and nobody else, lest he did it himself! "You won't get anything infected, but... maybe just a kiss on the cheek for... now. The other one...", he mumbled, his lips were completely fine and the wound was protected by some wound pad for now. As soon as Ronan stood up Caelan wanted to tell him to stay, he didn't want to be alone in here, but he shut up and only lifted his arm to wave him good bye. He hated to be alone in here, helplessly at that.

      Maybe some sleep was actually fine and so Caelan closed his eyes for a while. It felt like nothing more than a minute when he woke up again and saw the doctor in front of his face, inspecting the wound after he carefully had removed the wound pad on it. The blondes father stood right beside him. Caelan didn't say a word, though it hurt and just looked at his father that looked at him rather worried. "You're awake...", he said and Caelan sighed. "Of course I am... that hurt...", he answered muffled, the pain was even more present than before the medication had completely worn off as it seemed, at least Caelan hoped it did, he didn't want it to get worse. The entire left side of his face felt like it burned and additionally it also felt like someone tried to crush his skull, it was a pulsating pain that rushed over him every few moments or so, but he pulled himself together. He didn't want any more medicine and he wanted to get out of here in his own room, so it probably was better to stay strong. "Sorry. Caelan we'll have to leave soon.", his father started and Caelans mother stepped forward as well. "Are you going to be alright?", she asked worried. "Mhm... I'll be fine. I... thought as much...", he mumbled. "We asked the doctor to keep us updated and we'll get you if you feel ready to travel, I'll send someone over to pick you up, though the doctor also said he'd rather have you here for some while, since the mountain passes are not the best to travel on, you know that." Was Allard actually worried? It seemed like it, maybe Caelan looked worse than he thought. His father didn't see him after the wild boars attack, but he had seen him with a broken arm, or a broken leg, but not all sewn together, not with a head wound like that although it was only shallow. "I know that... it's fine. I'll heed his words and... rest up.", Caelan reassured them. "Write us too please.", his mother said and Caelans gaze went over to her. "Of course...", he answered and then flinched as the doctor started to clean up the skin around the wound a little bit with some alcohol. He wasn't one for warnings, was he? His parents soon said goodbye and left, the doctor asked Caelan if he needed something for the pain and Caelan told him that he was feeling just fine. The wound got protected again and apperently everything looked good for now - no infection. When was Ronan coming back...?

    • Running back to his room was one option but barely thinking about spending time in it, simply because he was aware that he had other matters to attend and strands of lavender to pull out of his hair, it all felt like the entire day had been thrown into a mixing bowl and Ronan was now trying to figure out how to deal with most of it, with mixed memories and with stuff, so far from reality, it felt like it had been an odd pick to even exist. Ronan hadn't spend this much time doing paperwork in what felt like months and he, unbeknownst to himself, managed to do just fine with all of the things hurled at him. What kind of sensation was this, if not something morbidly stupid? His father had praised him, his boyfriend would stay where he was and it all culminated in him, finishing up a stack of papers and handing them to his father - or at least carrying them to his office - all the while he pestered some servants to pester the doctor and get the blonde ready to move to another room. Miraculously, the man himself agreed and Ronan felt relieved - even more so when his parents left and the only people still left - among his family, the servants, himself and Caelan - were the ones that had a bone to pick with Darragh.

      It wasn't until long that Ronan was happy with how the room looked and yet, he still had to go fetch Caelan and make sure he liked the myriad of additional pillows he'd been offered. This was all in good faith, he told himself - he wanted nothing more than to make the blonde happy and feel cherished, so it was no wonder that he actually had someone that was, well, stronger and burlier than himself, go get the blonde and help him up the stairs, away from the doctor, back into the guest wing. Ronan was sure it had surprised Caelan to just be met with something so sudden, but as long as the doctor allowed it, Ronan didn't care how it all was done as long as it was done - and therefore, he was even happier to see the blonde being softly placed upon his new bed, tucked in thereafter and now, as soon as the door closed, they were alone. "How are you feeling?", Ronan asked, sitting at the side of the bed already and fumbling with Caelans bloodied strands of blonde hair - actually, he should instruct one of the servants to get him a bowl of water, a sponge and some towels, he could wash that right out, even if the bandages were in the way. "Did you miss me?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • It felt like forever until finally someone came into the room again. Before that Caelan just heard rummaging and voices that came from the next room and he couldn't sleep either, not only because of the little noise. He was hurt and at the same time terribly bored, there was nothing more to concentrate on but the pounding pain on the left side of his face. As someone finally arrived it wasn't Ronan but some servant or so that was a little bit smaller than Caelan but looked strong, maybe he worked outside in the garden or at the stables, who knew. Ronan was almost invisible behind the big man but Caelan was nevertheless glad to see him. They told him the doctor agreed to move him, but the first burst of happiness soon faded as he was helped up on his feet. He couldn't keel over now and he also didn't want to be carried like a princess, so he insisted on walking himself, saying he was fine - well he wasn't.

      The way up the stairs was the worst, his head hurt like hell but at least he was able to put most of the weight on the railing instead on the big guy that had only proven he wasn't up for the task. His body felt so incredibly weak all of a sudden and his vision started to blur, thankfully he didn't need to see where he was going. Finally he was helped onto the bed and able to lie down. He grumbled a little as he was tucked in like a child past his bedtime, but this bed was so incredibly comfortable and all those pillows felt nice and gave him a lot of options to change into positions that didn't hurt too. Not like that little tiny and hard bed in the infirmary. Caelan was used to sleep on the ground but now he had killed for this bed if he hadn't got it just like that. He needed some moments to calm down and feel like a human again, but he felt better when Ronan sat down next to him and started to fumble around his hair. "Gimme... a second...", he panted, this had been incredibly hard, apparently it didn't matter where a wound had to heal, his body was occupied with just that. How did Ronan even fight with those wrists? The cuts had been deep as well... "I missed you...", he said, his vision was returning back slowly and he looked at Ronan with somewhat teary eyes. He didn't want to worry him, why was his body behaving like this? The doctor mentioned that the wound was actually quite deep and his body needed the energy to heal up, it would get better soon, but for now it felt awful and his damn head hurt so much, but that still was better than the drowsiness and the throwing up. He didn't take any more medicine and the soup stayed in his stomach. "Stay... now... please...", he pleaded, Ronan was always running away... twenty minutes were not enough, not at all and Caelan grabbed one of Ronans hands to squeeze it.

    • Getting Caelan back into his own room was one thing, but having no one linger around for too long was another. All the while they had dragged the blonde here, he had looked like he'd keel over any second and Ronan took mental note of it - he knew that Caelan wasn't going to leave that bed of his anytime soon and he knew that this would, probably, prove difficult for someone that was as restless as Caelan. What was he going to do with him? Figure out how to entertain him? Let him learn about Alsters history or saddle him with his little brother? ... If the blonde wanted to, he could read something, couldn't he? "Don't rush it", he said, a smile creeping onto his lips. This was, in fact, kind of embarrassing. Caelan owed him nothing and they both had rather spent their time differently, he knew as much, though, the knot in his stomach told a different story and he knew - one way or the other - that he'd survive somehow, some way and that there wasn't much he could do about that. "I missed you too, sleeping without you last night was ... unbearable." But he couldn't stay here, not even if he drowned himself with work and pretended all of this was for the greater good because their guest couldn't sleep.

      "I won't run away, we have plenty of time", Ronan answered, forcing himself to smile some more - if Caelan couldn't, he'd be in a good mood for both of them, how did that sound? Probably very cheesy and stupid. The squeeze felt unfamiliar, maybe even a bit too sharp in those wrists of his, but he swallowed it down and then he wondered for a second why the blonde was getting so clingy, just before he was squeezing that hand of his, too. "I doubt you can get yourself to sit in a bathtub", he suddenly said before rubbing the back of his head. "Do you want me to at least wash the blood out of your hair, here?" What kind of questions was he even asking? He couldn't leave his boyfriend looking like that, that was clear - and yet he could have just decided what to do without evne asking him. "Or would you rather not get any water close to your face? Does your head hurt? Anyway, I promise to be gentle if you let me, but you don't have to", Ronan explained, raising Caelans hand to his face and letting it brush over that cheek of his, leaning into the artificial touch for a second. "I missed you so much and now I do that and fuck up your face, I'm so sorry."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan faintly smiled and waited for his vision to come back, it was actually fine now that he lay down again, the beginning of the way over here wasn't even that hard, but it had been so damn long. The day before, when he grabbed his things and then run over to Ronans bathroom again took him about five or ten minutes. The infirmary was in the part of the house where house Alster had their rooms and slept whereas Caelan had to make all the way over to the guest wing. This probably took him at least fifteen minutes now. The first few steps had been fine, but the damn staircase almost killed him and now he was completely beat as if he never had moved an inch in his life before. "Will you... sleep here...?", Caelan asked, he didn't want another night of twisting and turning and no sleep at all, he was sure with Ronan at his side it was going to be alright, he would sleep eventually. Caelan felt like he needed something to drink to get him back up again or maybe more than just a soup, but there was nothing else he was able to eat right now.

      Caelan felt a squeeze on his hand too while he himself let go a little bit, was that too firm? He didn't think about Ronans own wound and the pain and headache somehow made his muscles twitch, especially those in his fingers as if clenching his fist was going to help. "I... I probably can sit... in a bathtub, but I'd have to... get there and... probably someone would call... a servant to help... me clean, I want to be alone... with you though.", he answered slowly starting to breath normally again, taking a deep breath was also out of the question in his current state. "I'd... I'd actually want to clean myself up... a little bit." There was more than just his hair that was dirty and which still had dirt and sand from the Arena in it. His face had been washed to lower the risk of an infection probably, but since then he had been sweating and the rest of his body probably reeked too, after all he did fight before that happened and he did break a sweat as well. "My head hurts, yes... but it's manageable.", he answered mumbling, lying of course, he wasn't better than Ronan in that regard, was he? But he just didn't want to take any more of that stupid powder, he felt like loosing control and not knowing what was going on around him and he actually hated that even more than the current pain spreading from his cheek over his whole head and eventually even his neck and shoulders. He also noticed that he was constantly grinding his teeth which in return didn't make any of this better. "Don't worry about... it, really. As I said accidents... happen.", he said moving his thumb over Ronans cheek. Actually he wanted to cuddle with him a little bit but he also felt too dirty for that, so he rather had himself be cleaned up, or at least be given a sponge or something, he'd manage the rest alone. "I love you...", he suddenly said, not sure why that came over his lips right now, but it was probably Ronans look and the fact that he was caring for him so dearly. Caelan didn't want to be cared for, never, but if Ronan was the one caring it was almost okay.

    • "Will I ... sleep here? In your bed? With you?", he acted surprised, but he really wasn't. Ronan wanted to, wanted to assure his boyfriend that yes, he'd sleep here with him, he'd stay with him as long as he needed him and do whatever Caelan wanted him to. Right now, he'd throw himself into a scalding fire if his boyfriend asked him to, but truth be told, was this really the right answer to the fear he was having? Wasn't it entirely stupid to consider that he - maybe - would end up doing something wrong to begin with? "I want to, but I don't know if I can", he said, already indulging too much in a simple touch of his boyfriend. Ronan knew he was miserable, he'd been miserable before and he'd never be anything else - that was about everything he could think about, anyway. There was nothing that was fun and there was even less that had made any sense to him. He'd never needed anyone, not once and now he was bemoaning his predicament, the fact that he couldn't be glued to his boyfriend all the damn time because he suddenly was used to sharing a bed with him and waking up next to him. Dragging him out there, to the hut, had been a shit idea - now he was more dependent on his boyfriend than he wanted to be and his body showed him as much, as well as his disturbed peace of mind did.

      "I ... you really want to get back up? I mean, I can arrange something, but ... I doubt they'd leave us alone." It would only rise suspicion and even if he felt guilty about Caelans state, there was no guarantee that someone like his fathers closest servants would buy that he, of all people, was just wanting to make it up to the blonde he had gravely wounded. "I know, I felt disgusting after what happened yesterday and I just spend hours soaking in the damn bathtub", he sighed, knowing fully well that Caelan couldn't feel good like this, even if there was no dirt clinging to him - he just wanted to wash sand, dust, blood and sweat away, which was all fine and well. "Oh!", he suddenly blurted out and started fumbling with his hair, undoing the hairtie and combing through it with his fingers until he found another strand of lavender, something that he neatly tucked behind Caelans ear on the uninjured side. "I got all sorts of herbs and flowers stuck in my hair and was to lazy to brush them out", he chuckled, handing the blonde another strand, as soon as he found one. How many more were there? "I'm glad you're feeling slightly better. Do you need something to drink? Should I get you something to eat, or do you ... feel like throwing up?", he asked, squeezing Caelans hand for a second, then softening his grip again. "I ... love you too, I really do", and there it was, the little peck on Caelans cheek he'd asked for earlier.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.