sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

    • Ronan and he felt like they were meant to be together, or was this feeling always present when a new love prospered and grew? Caelan wouldn't know and Ronan didn't either, after all they both hadn't been in love before. Not any relationship held, anything was able to break, it didn't necessarily have to be a big fallout, but it still could simply be over, because one of them had enough, wanted something else, or simply got too scared to live this lie any longer. Caelan didn't even want to think about such a possibility, he couldn't imagine a future without Ronan in it anymore and yet they couldn't be sure, not about where this was going and not about whether those feelings they felt were truly love or not. For now however something more carnal had taken over both of them, but Caelan still loved Ronans so, so much that he couldn't imagine that ever changed.

      "And stop apologizing...", Caelan mumbled, "I love you either way..." He wasn't quite sure why he said that right now, but it felt right and thinking about anything was out of questions at this point. His body moved on his own and that included his lips and his tongue he did not only use to talk, he barely used it for that actually. Ronans skin was marred like his own now, although he initially wanted to refrain from that, but didn't his lover ask him too? Didn't his subject beg him too? Even in the role of Ronans master he couldn't say no to something like that and he lost any control himself, he never truly was in control at all. Maybe this time around it wasn't Ronan controlling him though, but his young and inexperienced body that wanted to learn so much more, that wanted to try and feel new things, like what they did now. There it was again, Ronans sweet voice, begging him, begging him so so much and his words sounding so so sweet. It was enough, they both had enough and if they didn't sleep well tonight after this, something was wrong with them. Caelan didn't even want to think about cleaning up, he just wanted to crash down right after and hold Ronan until it was morning. "I allow it...", he panted and soon after stopped fighting. His body started trembling even more and he pressed his forehead on Ronans shoulder. He couldn't bite back another moan and he completely let go of any control he held onto up until now. His mind went black, everything ceased to exist around them, there was only Ronan and him and soon after, like an explosion, colors burst back into reality, colored everything around them in a brighter color than it should have. Caelan closed his eyes, still seeing all sorts of colors flashing up before his eyes, his body tensing up and after the final wave of pleasure swept him away, his body wanted to shut down. The tension ins his muscles went away and instead the weight of his head now fully dropped down on Ronans shoulder. Caelan was grasping for air, his arms still trembled, but not because of lust, but because his body felt so incredibly heavy all of a sudden. His nerves were still tense and every simple touch sent electrcity throughout his whole body and on top of that, he wasn't even sure if he was able to move - or speak for that matter.

    • Was Caelan truly who he wanted? Actually, why was he - of all people - doubting himself right here, right now? Wasn't it that it didn't matter and that in the end that he was the one smitten with the blonde before anyone else had been? Albeit, the truth was - the definite truth at that - that among all those one night stands Caelan had had, he probably wasn't the best of them, yet he also was the only man among them and the only one that seemingly was able to bring infinite joy to that lover of his. So, then again, was it that stupid to believe that he wasn't the one that his boyfriend wanted, that he was less than someone worthy of love? Ronan was doubting himself and yet he couldn't stop panting, couldn't stop feeling good and feeling cherished, loved - beloved. That was right, he was Caelans boyfriend as much as the blonde was his and it didn't matter how wrong this felt, simply because it wasn't. They both were here because they wanted to, exchanging sweet nothings between one another and wondering, oh wondering for so long how long their liaison could last until someone, anyone found out about it. Maybe it had been luck that it hadn't happened until now, or ... what else could it really be?

      Sweet nothings were exchanged up until the point where they both finally gave in to pleasure - it felt incredible and even if he should have stopped his hand at some point, he just wanted to feel the friction for a bit, wanted to enjoy the stars he saw ever so faintly as he closed his eyes, as a spark ran through his body and they both ended up coming, thankfully not on any clothes that they were wearing. All the tension was released, soon thereafter there was nothing but the desire for more - for something he couldn't get, not like this and definitely not today. Ronan had no idea why he hadn't been sated, why his body wanted more than it had gotten but he chose to ignore it and instead, he took a deep breath to clear his head, wanted to get up to wipe all of this off, but Caelan was making it unachievable. He didn't want to alert the blonde, wanted to shove him aside and so he simply cuddled up to him. "Good ... puppy ...", he mumbled grabbing one of the blankets they were laying on, pulling it out from under them and hastily over their stained bodies to keep them warm. Ronan wanted nothing more than to have it be morning, to end the tournament and to actually do ... romantic things with Caelan ... well, at least he woke up before Caelan, wasn't that a plus?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan needed a little more time , his mind was blank and only slowly filling with thoughts again. He faintly noticed Ronan pulling the blanket over them and cuddle up to him, but he still didn't want to move, though his knees felt like butter and this position wasn't exactly comfortable. If he let himself fall to the side now, wouldn't he stain the sheets at least a little bit? Could they afford that? Actually, he just wanted to sleep. The first thing he did was kissing Ronans neck, since it wasn't far away anyway. "Should we... clean up... this mess...?", he asked but wanted the answer to be no, he didn't want to move any more than necessary, he just wanted to stay close to his boyfriend, if he would leave now, even if only for a minute, Caelan would probably feel incredibly cold, the thought alone was enough to let him know, that he didn't want that. As if he had to hold Ronan for him to not simply run away, he wrapped one arm around him and finally let go, sinking down on him, half lying on top of him and the rest lay on the mattress. His head was still placed on top of Ronans shoulder. "I didn't plan this...", he murmured.

      Caelan was feeling incredibly good, as if all the tension of being separated from Ronan had lifted, even the thought of leaving him alone again didn't bother him in this moment, because for now he was still here. Did Ronan feel the same? "Are you... are you okay...? Your wrists...?", he asked, whereas he grasped for air before now he just was tired, his mind already drifting off, all he wanted was to feel Ronans soft skin and his tender body, he didn't know how much he loved him, did he? "I'm tired...", he mumbled and a smile formed on his face as he added the words "...master." Even if Caelan was taking the lead and commanded Ronan to do this or that, Ronan remained the one he needed to please, not himself. Caelan already started to kind of live of the praise he received, it was so incredibly important to him that Ronan was feeling good and that he got what he wanted, it didn't matter if he was forcing Caelan on his knees, or if Ronan was the one forced down. "I hope... nobody heard us..."

    • Getting up, cleaning themselves and avoiding to stain any of the sheets would be preferable, but Ronan knew was well as Caelan did that the question was off the table. He didn't want to do this, didn't want to get up anymore and move another muscle. In the end, it would only result in his wrists hurting more, in pain coursing through his body and therefore he cuddled up to Caelan, hoped to find a good position for both of them and started mumbling breathlessly. "No ... I don't want ... to", he answered and had closed his eyes soon thereafter, patting Caelans head like he was praising a tired dog for being a good companion and having done what he was commanded to. "Close ... your eyes. Rest", he commanded and did the same, taken aback by his sudden drowsiness and the desire to escape that body of his, ripe with pain and covered in thin rivulets of cum that he should have at least wiped off, but instead, he feel asleep, right then and there and failed to give a single damn about any of this. He'd have enough time to take a bath tomorrow and the tournament would at least be late enough so that they could grab a bite. After that, well, who knew.

      How late was it? When had he fallen asleep? Ronan peered up, his hair probably looking like a mess and his eyes glued on too many different spots at once. He was seeing things, well, a few of them anyway and thankfully, the sun was only starting to rise. As soon as he tried to assess the rest of his surroundings, he found Caelan, who he'd been particularly glued to and - as soon as he wanted to sit up - had to bite back a noise of pain, just flinched. Putting pressure on his wrists didn't work, not at all, did it now? Oh, how he hated it and oh, how much he wanted this to stop already, but alas, he had no idea how to and it felt incredibly stupid to stay here, not doing anything. Instead, Ronan nudged Caelan with his face, or well, nose. "Get up, sleepyhead", he grumbled and tried to sit up without support, seperating himself from the blonde and eventually stumbling out of bed. The first thing, and the most stupid, he did was waltzing over to his closet and picking out fresh underwear to at least wear something, before he fumbled with his bandages and started to loosen them - he wanted to change them. "We don't have all day and we need a bath", he insisted, marbling at the cauterized wound - the skin was definitely dead and it hurt, but ... "Where did you put the medicine the doctor gave you, anyway?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Ronan didn't answer anymore and his breath already evened out. He fell asleep before he even heard the rest of Caelans words and that was fine, they wouldn't get up anymore, they wouldn't clean up and his master commanded him to rest, so Caelan did. His eyes were already closed and it didn't take long to drag him into sleep as well. He didn't dream anything, he had been too tired, or at least he couldn't remember any dream, but he knew Ronan was by his side the whole night, he felt his warmth and heard his breath, this was enough to let him sleep very very well tonight. All of that felt he had needed it, he had to have this after not seeing Ronan for weeks. Would it only feel like this if they met again? They both couldn't resist each other, they both were so dependent on each other it was scary, wasn't it? Caelan couldn't loose him again and that after he only found him a short while ago. His grip around his boyfriend was tight the whole night.

      He woke up as soon as Ronan moved under him and he already rolled to his side, before he was fully awake, because he felt Ronan wanted to get up. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked against the light, it wasn't all too late, was it? Still he needed to hide his eyes from the sun a little bit and put his arm over his face for a moment, then he blinked again to see were Ronan was. He usually wasn't up that fast, was he? "I... it's somewhere in the heap of clothes you threw to the ground yesterday.", he answered still sleepy. He had needed a second to realize what Ronan meant at first, but he got it soon enough and sat up. They overdid it yesterday, didn't they? "I'm sorry.", he slowly said and pulled the blanket aside to stand up too. He didn't hurry with dressing, he stretched for just a second and then went over to his clothes himself, to search for the medicine and give the bag to Ronan. "I shouldn't have forced you to move your hands as much. If you're not feeling ready for the tournament, that's fine, we can both step back from it."

    • This was the first night of many that had let him catch a break. Ronan had felt secure in his boyfriends arms, loved and cherished even and the sole question he got to ask himself was if he could even help it - if there was a chance that he would be able to sleep as well without his boyfriend, all alone in this vast, cold room. Now that the sun was creeping it from behind the blinds, Caelan could probably see that most of this room was just a clutter of books in many shelves, a chessboard that had been shoved aside quite hastily on one of the shelves and their lone plates, still residing among stacks and stacks of paperwork on Ronans desk. This was his room, among other things, with a bed filled with a myriad of blankets - most of which they had slept on the entire night - and yet it was his prison, the constant reminder that he was nothing more than his fathers slave. Hiding here was his best guess and yet he'd hoped that he wouldn't grow anxious about details that someone like Caelan didn't care about. Right now, he only cared about getting a damp cloth to rub his body clean with, not an actual bath and something to eat, something to numb the restless pain, pulsing under his skin.

      Had he woken up Caelan a bit too soon? The auburn eyes wandered, landed on the blonde and Ronan wondered why and - just how - this had happened. In the end, he was wondering about one too many things and all of them bled right into each other, only Caelans voice rang clear. "Ah, I'll look for it ...", he mumbled, but he wasn't fast enough to - Caelan was making this his own problem. "No need to be", he mumbled as he walked over to the blonde who'd been carefully rummaging through his own clothing. "Caelan, I wanted this and you were against it - it's my own fault", he beamed, grabbing the bag of medicine and giving his boyfriend a slight smile. Ronan made his way over to one of the dressers that had a tray with a water pitcher, some glasses and a variety of forks, knives and spoons ontop of it. There, he carefully laid out the medicine and untied the small bag. "I'll take some medicine, wash up, eat something and then I'll fight you. A pinch of powder won't hurt or make me lose it, so don't worry. I can still fight you", he mumbled as he took one of the glasses. Then, he took a teaspoon of the tray and started eyeballing the measurements on the powder he'd been given. Well, around one eight of the spoon should be fine, no? Ronan let the powder rinse into the glass, then took the pitcher and filled it up with water, stirring it. While he waited for it to dissolve, he tied the bag back up. "After all, I promised to beat you and I ... I want this." After that, he took a swig from his glass, emptied it out in one gulp, set it aside and walked over to his boyfriend, to hug him. "We should clean ourselves first - my hair probably looks horrible."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan didn't get a good look at Ronans room yesterday and it had been dark already, he only noticed the stacks of paper that had been placed on his desk, where they put their plates on. Ronan was quite messy, wasn't he? Caelan didn't mind though, not at all and even now he had other things on his mind, Ronan mainly that maybe sounded tired, or rather hurt. That the wound hurt more today as opposed to yesterday wasn't a surprise and Ronan had strained it quite a bit, not only at night with Caelan, but also during the tournament the whole day. There was only one more fight - against Caelan - but was he able to do it? It would only hurt more and more, but telling Ronan to stop all that would not work and stepping back from the fight himself would only make Ronan mad at him. He was worried and watched him carefully, he watched how he moved, probably not only his wrists hurt if he wasn't used to fighting that much and he probably only woke up because of the pain.

      "It's alright, I'm awake...", Caelan softly smiled while rummaging through his things. After giving the bag to Ronan he watched him prepare the medicine and didn't quite know what he should do meanwhile. The high from yesterday was gone, instead he was just very worried about Ronan and about what he himself had to do in a few hours. This wasn't going to be a fight about life and death, but he still was able to hurt Ronan with very little effort, without anyone really noticing what he'd done. "I'm still sorry...", he mumbled, he should have stopped him instead of following that animalistic urge he had had. "It's not about the powder, it's about your injury, but I know I can't keep you from fighting and you'd kill me for not doing my best.", he sighed while Ronan drank his medicine in one gulp. At least Ronan came over to hug Caelan and the blonde felt bad for being the one needing a hug more than Ronan right now. He put his arms around him and slowly patted his head. "Your hair looks just fine, but we smell...", he chuckled.

    • Ronan wasn't one for order, well, he actually was but some of the paperwork his father had loaded off onto him would only take up too much space and he just had wanted to eat yesterday, nothing more, so now he was standing here, being held by his boyfriend and he wondered if anybody had heard them yesterday or if it was still save to assume that they could do whatever they wanted with one another as long as they didn't tell anyone outright about what they were doing. "You are?", he asked jokingly, happy about the fact that he Caelan wasn't mad at him for rousing him out of his well deserved sleep. Ronan sometimes wondered if all of this had happened for a reason or if it simply had been luck that they had wound up in the same place at the same time and everything had evolved from there on out. "You needn't be, really", and if he had taken the right amount of medicine, there would be no pain to speak of in the next half an hour or maybe even less. If he'd taken the wrong amount, well, he'd figure out what was going to happen by himself or if his doctor told him, once he'd wind up back in the infirmary.

      "You better do your best!", he insisted, pouting and looking up from his spot, right into Caelans face. This was embarrassing, but he couldn't change it - the next time, he'd either knock himself out and not try to kill himself or - and only or - he actually pulled through with it, which wasn't preferable. "We always smell, but at least we only had each other to judge in the hut", he grumbled and leaned into the blondes touch for a good second, before he parted from him and picked up the shirt from yesterday, lazily threw it on and then peered out of his rooms door, only to catch one of the maids offguard and call her over. "Could you prepare a bath for me? It'll be a short one, a small amount of heated water is fine. And ... would you be so kind to prepare two plates of breakfast for me?", he asked, his voice hoarse and yet sweet like honey. The maid only looked at him, bewildered at first, but unable to make a single remark. "Of course", she responded, bowed before him and then hurried off. Ronan took the opportunity to close the door behind him, lock the door again and then touch the back of his head, scratching over it a bit confused. "She just looked at me like she's seen a ghost", he mumbled. Well, the shirt was still from his pyjamas, so there was no chance she'd seen even an ounce of the fluid that had stuck to his stomach yesterday. What else could she have seen? Well, it dawned upon him pretty soon - and his hand wandered to his throat, only to press a spot, slghtly hurting. "Oh, this. This is embarrassing."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I am, really, though you call me sleepyhead, I'm much faster awake than you are most of the time.", Caelan smiled, patting Ronan a little while longer. He noticed that he was the one being nervous, which wasn't like him, not because of a fight in the tournament, he usually didn't care about winning or loosing at all, but this wasn't about that, it was about Ronan and the possibility to actually hurt him. Caelan didn't want that and he already tried to figure out how to avoid it. Well, he already told Ronan that he wasn't going to abuse his weakened wrists, he wouldn't aim for attacks that were unblockable for him because of the fact it hurt, or would hurt him if he tried, he didn't want to win like that. That didn't mean he wouldn't attack him, but he wouldn't attack his weak spots specifically, he probably didn't need to. Wow that sounded arrogant even in Caelans mind, Ronan hadn't fought bad at all.

      Because Caelan didn't want to be caught naked, if he was caught at all, he put on some clothes as well, after Ronan had let go of him. At least it made more sense to tell a maid he was invited to take a bath here, instead of trying to explain why he walked around the hallway naked - a hallway he didn't have any business in at that. The most plausible explanation would have been that he'd drunk a tad too much last night, but he didn't know if his acting would have been good enough. Caelan even held his breath as Ronan opened the door and he listened to the conversation, standing in a spot where he couldn't be seen in any case. "Maybe because you ordered two plates of breakfast?", Caelan asked then followed Ronans movement to his throat. It looked kind of bad, but Caelan probably looked even worse and he didn't even want to think about what was hidden under Ronans shirt, at his shoulder and chest. The blonde shook his head with a smile. "That and two plates of breakfast... gossip will run wild, you know?", he chuckled, not sure if he should have been worried about it, but who would imagine Caelan to be the one responsible? He took a step closer to Ronan, put his hand on his chin and forced him softly to look up. "I think it suites you...", he whispered, then leaned downwards to give him a loving kiss.

    • "But whenever we actually need to get up, I make sure we do, don't I?", except for their first tournament that was. But back then, they both had been incredibly drunk and were high on the feelings they had for each other, so why on earth wouldn't they try to do what they were doing and sleep some more? "Give me a break, a maid saw what she saw - the only gossip that will crop up is what spreads among the servants and my father hates it, so he'll shut it down in no time." Now that he had found his way back into the blondes arms, he had needed the kiss more than anything and he felt whole once more. It was almost stupid to think about this as a secret. "And also, nobody is going to think it's you. If they run their mouths about me having a girlfriend, I don't mind, it gives us a nice shield", and that would mean that nobody would exactly question where Caelan and Ronan had disappeared to the night before. Wasn't it odd anyway? They were acting like this, yet nothing of it would matter in the end. "You think? You were an obedient puppy, I'll give you that", and Ronan would want Caelan to do it again.

      In the end, they found themselves back in the bathroom and had cleaned up the most important areas of their body - they didn't want to waste time and just did whatever they could, as quickly and as good as possible. After that, when they found their way back to his room, it was cleaned up as best as it could be and the breakfast had been placed on a smaller table that had found its way close to the window, with two actual chairs to accompany it. The maids were cheesy and now she was really convinced he had a girlfriend, did she not? In the end, nothing of this mattered - the numb pain stayed where it was, the only thing that Ronan was actively feeling was some kind of drowsiness that was seeping into his mind and still, he ate up and then bandaged his wrists again, put on actual clothes and let Caelan do the same. The time had flewn by and now there was the sun, rising to the center of the sky, and there was dirt under his annoying boots and a sword in his hand. Fighting Caelan was, without a doubt, easier if he actually had a clear mind - though, at least the pain in his wrists had subsided by now, he still looked freakishly pale and he felt incredibly under the weather. All of this were horrible predicaments to have during a tournament, ut Ronan knew he'd done this to himself and there was no backing out now - not when he had Ethan betting on him and a promise to fulfill. "Alright then, I only need to beat you, right? And after that, I'll have won!", he laughed, still nervous and still feeling like throwing up, but he raised his sword against the blonde regardless. "This'll be easier said than done."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Ronan was probably right, they'd think he had a girlfriend and even if the gossip got to his father, he'd probably be happy and not think in actuality his son had a guy as his lover. It was so absurd, nobody would think that and how should they find out? Caelan had taken all of his clothes with him to the bathroom, so no nosy maid could have found a guys clothing in Ronans room. They both cleaned up pretty fast, ate and spent a little more time together before actually going downstairs - well not before Caelan didn't bring his clothes back to his room and ruffled up his bed, just in case any maid would question why it was still made. After meeting with Caelans friends for a short period of time and Ethan betting on Ronan still, though with less money than the day before, they got ready. Orlando was making his routes, taking bets, most of them bet their money on Caelan and not on the underdog that was so new to this, albeit being the hosts son. Caelan had forced Ronan to warm up a little bit and now he stood here, his weapon in his hands and Ronan in front of him.

      Caelan smiled at Ronan, he had been looking forward to this, but now that Ronan was hurt it seemed more difficult, but he promised to not hold back. "Good luck.", was all he said. The arena was filled to the brim, everyone seemed to be interested in Ronan mainly, because he made it so far despite never being in a tournament before. The supposed to be sick young heir of Alster wasn't as weak as people thought he'd be and maybe he had learned more from his father than they knew. Ronans parents both watched as well of course, Darragh probably was interested in this and maybe he finally had some praise for his son, even if he turned out to be second place. Caelan wondered if his mother was worried, his own parents were here somewhere as well probably, but he didn't see them in the crowd, they hadn't gotten any place near the Alster family. Even Ronans little brother was watching, at least Caelan thought that must have been him next to Darragh of Alster. Caelan stopped looking at the crowd and instead eyed Ronan, from now on he didn't let him out of his sight anymore. He was taller than him, probably looked stronger and he already fought a lot, everyone was excited to see this fight and as Caelan heard the sign that signaled they could start, he already was starting his first attack.

      Ronan did well in dodging most of the attacks, the ones he tried to block took away his energy, Caelan could see that. He knew he couldn't help him out or fight any less than he did, he'd kill him afterwards for even thinking about it. Ronan had little time to attack himself and when he did, Caelan reflected the attacks and tried to get Ronan off balance. Truth be told, he didn't hold back, not intentionally at least and Ronan still kept up with him for quite a while, but he was getting slower, careless and sloppy. Caelan started another attack, a swing with his sword he was sure Ronan would dodge, but he didn't. He blocked the attack with his own blade, sloppy at that and the sword, though staying in his hand, was forced to the side, leaving Ronan wide open. But there was more Caelan noticed in a friction of a second. Ronan had flinched, his wrist had given way and Caelan was pretty sure Ronan ground his teeth. Though Ronan actually was wide open and Caelan only had to raise his sword to be announced the winner, he hesitated for not even a second. He noticed the blade that came his way too late. He had been so focused on Ronan that he hadn't seen what happened in the corner of his eye. The blade rushed towards him in an upward swing and all he could do was to take a step back. He felt something very cold on his face and he was pretty sure Ronan severed some of his blonde hair. He almost lost balance, tumbled one more step back and then his knees just gave in, without a reason he was able to pinpoint. He heard the crowd that almost simultaneously let out a shocked yell, before his right knee hit the ground. His sword was still in his hand, and was stuck in the dirt, Caelan leaned on it. The stinging cold feeling on the lower left part of his face was exchanged by a warm sensation running over his face. More in shock about the fact that he had lost than the fact that he was hurt, he needed a second to realize what had happened. Usually one was disqualified for actually hurting his opponent, but this had been nothing and it had been Caelans own fault, normally he would have won before it happened, or he at least would have blocked or dodged a sloppy strike like that. The crowd was starting to whisper but stopped immediately as soon as Caelan fought himself back on his feet. He used his sword to make it easier for him to stand up, but let go of it as soon as he did, then he just started to clap his hands and raise his voice. "Congratulations!", he announced, looking at the referee that came forth hesitently to announce Ronan the winner.

    • Who said fighting Caelan was going to be easy? Ronan hated himself for even thinking that, especially when he realised that no, the medicine was working as intended, but only on the surface - something he had to begrudgingly admit when he started blocking blows instead of just trying to dodge them. His boyfriend was a worthy opponent, that much was clear - and the medicine as well as his injuries wore him out. The young noble knew that it had been futile to even think bout winning, that it was stupid to assume that he could compete with Caelan at his own level and now, he was tired already, having lost most of his strength to begin with and feeling his heart pounding in his chest, the adrenaline rising and the world bluring. Whatever he had taken, it was making him incredibly dizzy and yet he wasn't ready to just fall to his knees and pass out, instead, he was focused on deflecting one of Caelans blows, on doing anything to make things right, to at least lose with honor or even try to turn the tides in his favor. Dear god, why was all of this so hard? Why did this world hate him so much? Sharp pain coursed through his wrists as he tried to block yet another blow - it must have looked incredibly sloppy - especially when he had to grind those teeth of his to bite back a noise of pain.

      Caelan would dodge the next one, too and then he'd let go of his sword and the blonde would be declared winner of this goddamn tournament and they could get over all of this. Then, it wouldn't matter any longer and they both could sit back, relax and enjoy his victory - and thus, Ronan rised his sword once again, only to immediately see that Caelan wasn't going to do anything - not even dodge. He held his breath as cold steel met the blondes cheek and as soon as it had, blood started flowing from the newly formed wound - and Ronan could do nothing but hear the heart in his chest pound and feel his hair stand on end, his mouth becoming incredibly dry and his fingers numb. "I ... You ...", he started to mumble, not actually understanding that this had just really happened. What in the name of hell had just happened? "No, you ... ah ... we should get you ... to the infirmary ...", he said and was about to grab Caelans wrist but instead, the blonde was already holding onto him, as if he was going to pass out any second. "Are ... are you ... okay?", he asked, staring helplessly from Caelan to the referee and wondering what he should do now. There was no way he could move like this and no way he could actually do anything without making them both fall flat on their faces - he wasn't strong enough to hoist them both around. "I ... I'm ... I'm so, so sorry."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Ronan seemed a little bit confused, but maybe he just couldn't realize that he won yet. It had been a good fight, though the voice of the referee sounded oddly far away, how should any of the spectators hear what he was saying like this? The crowd was hesitant with cheering as well, was it about the sword that briefly maybe touched Caelans face? It was fine, wasn't it? Ronan was stuttering, he hadn't been anticipating to win, but now he looked like he had seen a ghost, was it that bewildering that he won this fight? His very first tournament? He should be happy. "Infirmary...?", Caelan asked, for whatever reason his ears were ringing, did he get that right? A blurry vision followed, his head hurt all of a sudden, it must have been the adrenaline keeping him from feeling the pain on his cheek up until now. He felt like throwing up right after and his knees didn't want to work anymore. As he lost his balance he clung to the first thing around, which was Ronan right in front of him. He didn't really get what Ronan was saying, but he noticed the blood that was dripping from his face onto Ronans clothes and further down to the ground. He wanted to apologize, but only thinking about opening his mouth hurt.

      There always were doctors at the side of the arena, but the first one arriving at Caelan and Ronan was Cameron, who had jumped over the seats and railing and ran across the field to pick half of Caelans weight off of Ronan. He put one of Caelans arms over his shoulder and tried to look at Caelans face. The blondes head felt heavy and straining any muscle in that area hurt, his cheek felt like he could take a breath through it and a metallic taste appeared in Caelans mouth. He could only watch the blood dripping from his cheek and out of his mouth on the ground below him, it was... so much... The next person arriving was actually medical personell to help, though first and foremost they just wanted to get Caelan out of here. Ethan had been running over the field as well and met with Ronan. Before Caelans weight was taken off of Ronans shoulders, the blonde managed to mumble "Don't worry...". That was the last thing he remembered anyway, his vision turned black, the weight on Camerons and the doctors shoulder grew heavier, because the blonde couldn't help holding his weight anymore. Slumped down he was taken care off.

    • What even was happening? Ronan had no goddamn idea anymore. There were things he should have assessed before, he should have checked if Caelan was in any shape to dodge his blow and yet Ronan didn't, he only had focused on one more strike and unfortunately that had landed. It all felt like a bad dream he'd wake up from anytime now, only to realize he didn't even know who the blonde was and that he'd dozed off somewhere, months ago, and that these months hadn't actually passed, it had only been a few hours. However, the blood dripping onto him, onto his shirt and the ground was very real - and his stomach felt like it was turning inside out, despite his eyes being unable to make out coherent shapes. Ronan felt, as one might say, awful for what he'd done and he wanted nothing more than to revert all of this, to eradicate its existence from his mind and properly apologize for the things he'd done to his boyfriend, but he couldn't. "I ... I can't!", he stammered, bewildered as a doctor and Cameron lifted the blondes weight from him and everything he could do was watch them drag the blonde away. Still, the bustling crowd that - seemingly - tried to lift the mood was making him sick down to his stomach, too. He shouldn't be behaving like this, but every time he swallowed his own saliva, it only got worse - Ronan wanted nothing more than to sink into his bed and not move, maybe even die.

      Ethan was there, had seemingly appeared out of nowhere and was trying to calm him, of all people, down to the best of his abilities. Ronan didn't need that, at least he told himself, but in the end, some soothing words and getting his ass out of the arena worked wonders for his psyche, at least for now. There was still blood clinging to his clothes and there still was pain in his wrists, moreso than ever, and he felt like he was the one who'd keel over next - it took him a great long while to actually calm down, to get rid of the adrenaline coursing through his veins and to find his way back to his room, to change out of what he was wearing and to have a look at himself in the mirror. Ronan wasn't sure, he probably still looked miserable and this, well, this had been his fault entirely, was it not? If only ... almost absentmindedly, he was rummaging through his desk, found ink, wax, stamps, letter openers, candles, knives. Before he could reach for one of those, there was pounding at his door. "Mylord, your father is waiting for you", the feeble voice spoke from beyond the wooden door and Ronan, unable to drown in selfhatred, got back up and buttoned the new shirt up. "I'll be there in a minute", he needed to wash his goddamn hair, he wanted to scrub off the dirt and the blood that had seeped through the old shirt and was uncomfortably clinging to his chest, but he couldn't. Instead, his feet carried him downstairs and the smell of food and alcohol, the mingling conversations in the banquet hall, all of it made him feel sick, incredibly so.

      Whatever food had found its way onto his plate, he couldn't eat it and whatever alcohol was in the glass he'd been given, he couldn't drink it - he nibbled on pieces of food, insecure and feeling like he'd been tied to his chair, unable to really relax. Why was everyone ignoring Caelan in the favor of good mood? How long had he been sitting there, anyway? This was supposed to be lunch and yet, the sun was already starting to set and a few of the nobles had gotten off of their chairs and spread throughout the building, searching for a calmer place to talk or just spend their time at. Now, there was a cold plate of barely eaten food in front of him and a cup of whatever liquid sitting there, untouched and his mother was - worriedly - looking at him, followed by his fathers stern gaze. "I-if you'll e-excuse me", he said, getting up from his chair - and there it was, the footsteps of his father treating after him. Ronan didn't want to talk to his old man, so he'd rather run it off and go somewhere where his father wouldn't expect him - maybe he could go check on Caelan, well, he should be in the infirmary, no? Taking a detour, he eventually made his way there and still, Darragh wasn't coming after him, so he knocked on the door, holding his breath, before sticking his head in and trying to make out something, anything, to see if Caelan was alone and awake.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • As Caelan woke up he immediately regretted it. His head hurt, he felt like throwing up and as he tried to move he felt a stinging pain on his cheek. A groan left his throat and he still tasted blood in his mouth. Before he could remember what had happened and where the hell he was, the doctor he met the day before came over to put a hand on his shoulder and explain the situation. So he was hurt during the fight with Ronan, he remembered, yes. He probably was worried sick, that was his first clear thought and he tried to sit up, only to turn to the side and empty his stomach. The doctor had anticipated it and put a bucket next to the bed Caelan was lying on. There was a lot of red liquid, but he was told not to worry. "You swallowed a lot of your own blood, that had accumulated in your stomach and probably is the reason you feel sick.", he explained and Caelan tried to spit the rest of the awful taste out, but he flinched, his cheeks didn't let him, actually he couldn't even open his mouth to answer right now, which he was told way too late. "Try not to speak for now, I'll give you something that will help you sleep. You need to rest.", he said and already moved over to a shelve to search for something to give Caelan. The blonde hadn't thought that a wound in his face could hurt so much, he had been impaled by a wild boar but not being able to speak properly and the headache... the blood he had to swallow down, because the alternative was to let it drip out of his mouth... he felt awful. The doctor came back and helped him sit up, then he gave Caelan a glass of liquid he should drink. He did... somehow, it hurt. "Ronan...", he croaked right after as he was helped to lie down again. "He was declared the winner, I'm not sure if this incident will have any consequences though. You were with him yesterday, so you are friends I assume? Maybe he'll visit later, for now try to rest, I won't be far." Caelan already felt drowsy, probably from what he got there and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep again, his headache forced him to anyway.

      Caelan was drifting in and out of consciousness, he saw some shapes rushing by, maybe it was the doctor or some other person that visited him. At some point his father was there and talked and talked and talked, Caelan didn't understand any of it, but his voice made his head hurt even more. Caelans mother was there too, holding his hand, at least he thought she did. The times he wasn't conscious felt better. Time was fleeting by, he wasn't sure how many minutes or hours went past, what the hell did he even drink there? The next time he somehow felt awake he heard a knock on the door. He wasn't able to see who it was, he just saw some light from when the door opened. He only now noticed that the light in this room was dim and the doctor was opening another door to leave the room he was in and look at who was knocking. Caelan meanwhile blinked and tried to clear his head, at least he felt more awake than before, but he also was pretty sure now that most people, aside of his parents, had been turned down if they wanted to enter. What if this was Ronan? He wanted to see him! He needed him here right now, not that he thought he'd die from this, but he wanted to see and touch him, he wanted to tell him it was fine, or... how did he even look? What if it killed Ronan to see him like this? He couldn't say anything before the doctor did anyway, even though he was suddenly feeling more awake and even tried to sit up now.

    • This wasn't going swimmingly, was it now? Ronan felt sick, down to his stomach and he wondered when he'd get a chance to wash himself, when he'd find a way to repent for what he'd done. He felt horrible, oh so horrible and the pint of medicine from earlier was, by now, nothing more than a pain in the ass to deal with. Cold sweat was forming seemingly everywhere, not just because of anticipation for Caelan but also because he knew that if his father caught him, he might as well drop dead and confess every sin he'd ever committed. Darragh wasn't coming after him to cheer him up, to brighten his life, he knew as much, which was why he was relieved to stop the doctor and immediately disappear in the darkened infirmary, seemingly to give Caelan time to rest. The doctor made a beeline for him and Ronan stood there, his wrists occupying every thought that Caelan couldn't, that his worry for his boyfriend couldn't. Now, he was wondering where this would lead, why he was standing there and what miracles his own doctor could perform for him, a worried and pained soul, someone that barely managed to live the life he thought he was having. "Why are you here, mylord?", the doctor asked and Ronan paced around, aimlessly, shifting from one foot to the other. Mere candlelight and the evening sun, seeping in through closed blindes, illuminated them and he hoped that the man couldn't see his pale face, the sweat that made his hair stick to his forehead or the pained expression.

      "I want to see him", he mumbled, much to the chagrin of his doctor that was eyeing him like he was not only worried about him, but also about Caelan, his current patient. "Mylord, excuse my rudeness, but I'd rather not have you take a look at him", and his doctor was right. Ronan knew that the old man was right - it would only pain him to see his boyfriend in pain, but it would probably hurt his psyche more than it had been already and he'd blame himself. In a way, this would be the best for him, the best for Caelan and the best for his doctor, but Ronan was determined, shook his head. "I ... know. But still, I have to apologize and make sure he's as alright as he can be. If I can't, I won't be able to sleep." The old man sighed, shook his head and then showed Ronan the way to the door of the room that Caelan had been put in. "Twenty minutes", the doctor said, then made his way for the table and sat down, pulling out a pocketwatch and a book that he sat on the table - and he was right. Ronan shouldn't take longer than that and thus made his way into the room, closed the door behind him and waltzed over to Caelan, to his bed. There hadn't been many instances when he'd been in this room himself, it usually reeked of deceit and death, of lies and broken promises, but that was very much about all there was. His feet carried him to the blondes bed, to Caelan himself and Ronan was grateful for the dim lights, even if they cast a shadow to the spot where Caelans injury was. "How are you feeling?", he croaked, his voice wavering. "Caelan, I'm so sorry."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan heard voices from outside the room, the door still a bit opened, probably so the doctor could hear if Caelan needed anything or something else was happening. The attempt to sit up failed, his head started spinning and he felt like throwing up again. His face was probably pale and his eyes barely wanted to stay open. He was pretty sure that all of this came from the medication that was supposed to let him sleep, well the sickness maybe also came from all the blood that accumulated in his mouth and while he had slept also had dripped on the pillow his head was rested on. He wasn't sure what was worse, being tired and barely able to stay awake, or having to endure the pain on his face. For now he couldn't quite compare those two things, since the medication still worked wonders in having his body stay still and stop working properly, but he noticed it wearing of and if Ronan was here to see him this was something he wanted. He wanted to talk to him at least a little bit, but instead of seeing him finally come in, he just heard footsteps and some more talking. Caelan raised one hand to his own face. He wanted to know how it looked and if it had been sewn together, but he shouldn't touch that, should he? He lowered his hand again. Now that he was thinking back to what had happened and his mind slowly cleared up, he wondered why he had passed out anyway. Was it so bad? He never passed out that easily, but maybe it was because he also kind of got hit on his head with that strike. Actually it didn't even feel that bad back then.

      He looked up as the door opened a bit more and Caelan could make out a pale face and dark hair. The door was closed and Caelan tried to muster a smile, he felt like smiling but moving any muscle in his face somehow hurt, well that was actually not surprising. At least anything but his head felt fine and so he reached out one hand and tried to grab Ronans, this probably hurt him more than the blonde. Caelan knew that he was sorry before he even opened his mouth and he knew that he was worried, he would have felt the same, but in Ronans case he just hoped it wouldn't drive him to something stupid again, that would hurt even more than a stupid cut on his face. Well, he hadn't said something for a while now, had he? "Just wonderful...", he answered, barely opening his mouth, but he turned his head just a little bit to get a better look at his boyfriend. This was supposed to be a joke, but he couldn't exactly laugh right now. "You needn't be... accidents... happen...", he croaked. It wasn't that he was too tired or too hurt to form the words in his head, it simply caused him pain to move his jaw at all and that for someone that usually talked so much. At least he felt a little bit more awake but the pain was still not fully present right now. Ronan got here with perfect timing, but he couldn't motivate himself to say any of that. "At least I... will stay... a little while... longer... now...", he mumbled and closed his eyes as he forced himself to swallow some saliva mixed with blood before that was starting to drip out of his mouth and worry Ronan even more. "Have you... celebrated your... victory...?", he asked, his lips only slowly and hesitantly forming the words - it hurt.

    • They both were incredible stupid and even just entering this room to be with his beloved felt like a dead giveaway. Just because he couldn't it or clear his head, he absolutely couldn't burst in here and claim that it didn't matter what was going on, so long as his victim was fine. Ronan felt almost ashamed of himself, ashamed about thinking that a few words would patch Caelan back up and lift his mood into higher spirits. It was stupid to think about, yes, but it also had been a pain in the ass to continually think about how it would feel for him to become someone he wasn't. Right, there wasn't much to worry about and right, he could barely make out why he had dragged himself here, simply because his mind was occupied with nothing more than Caelan. Absolutely nothing brought him more joy than thinking about his boyfriend and then again, there was nothing that hurt more than to realize he was the one that had brought this upon both of them. Ronan of Alster felt miserable, in the loosest sense of the word and as he stood there, next to Caelan, looked at the figure lying in his bed and desperately trying to communicate, he felt even worse for coming here. It was horrible, to say the least.

      "Stop joking, please", he said, his voice shaky and reaching out for one of the blondes hands so that they both could actually hold each other. With the remaining one, he started brushing Caelans damp hair out of his face, seemingly glued to his forehead too and couldn't help but notice that some of the tips had been stained by his own blood as well. Ronan felt sick, down to his stomach and it got worse by the minute. "I'm still sorry, this wasn't what I wanted", Ronan croaked, averting his gaze. Was he going to cry? The one that was actually hurt was Caelan, not him and the one actally in pain was Caelan, too. There it was, the dry sad smile that crept onto his lips ever so often when there was nothing to be happy about but he wanted to reassure everyone around him that he was fine, that there was nothing much to worry about. "Well, looks like you will. But ... I didn't want it like this, I'm sorry." Ronan couldn't get over it, was too overfocused on things that didn't even matter and then looked back up, peered at his boyfriend and squeezed that hand of his. "Yes, and it felt horrible. I never want to win again", preferably, he'd never raise a weapon against Caelan ever again, never join a tournament ever again and just come to terms with what he did. Then, almost as if possessed, he pressed the blondes hand to his own cheek as he crouched down next to the bed. "I ... don't force yourself to talk. Do you ... need anything? ... Like, water or food?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Sorry...", Caelan said, he wanted to smile, but the injury didn't let him, so Ronan had to read any emotion out of his eyes instead of his whole face, but maybe it was a little bit dark for that. At least he could feel Ronans hand soon enough and his boyfriend received a firm squeeze from Caelan to reassure him that he was actually fine - from the neck downwards he truly was actually and that was most of his body. The cold fingers of his boyfriend felt nice however, even though they only briefly touched his forehead to put some strands of hair away. He didn't have a fever, did he? Well a little one wouldn't be all too bad and probably also normal. He wasn't feeling cold, so that was a good thing, actually he didn't think there needed to be much of a concern, it only looked bad because he got something against the pain and because the wound was in his face and not on his arm, or leg. "Well I... certainly hope... that wasn't what... you planned...", Caelan answered joking, though he should probably stop, right? He was always like that if someone felt bad or the situation seemed grim. Cameron would have laughed probably, but Ronan wasn't Cameron. "I'll be... fine...", he slowly said, looking at those dark eyes, he wouldn't sleep tonight, would he?

      Ronan looked like he was about to start crying, Caelan didn't want to see him like that. "Apology... accepted. I won't... take any more...though...", he croaked, he didn't want to cast any apology aside just like that, it was alright and natural to feel sorry, so he accepted this one, but not any more, this wasn't necessary. It had been an accident, there was no ill intent, Ronan felt sorry, that was enough. "Don't... say that... you can be... proud. I... could have dodged... that attack, but... I fucked up..." Ronan almost fell on his knees and pressed Caelans hand against his cheek, if he hadn't done that, Caelan would have tried to caress his cheek anyway. He let his thumb brush over his skin and intended to wipe away any tear trying to break through. "N-no... I doubt... anything would... stay in my stomach...", he sighed, he didn't even want water. It would only take a few days, maybe only one until he felt better and was able to run around again though, he was sure of that, nothing was ever able to keep him down for long. "Just... come here... and... let me hug... you...", he said, softly trying to pull him up, though it was more a gesture than a real attempt. "I feel... just fine from... the neck downwards... so come here..."

    • "No need to be", there really wasn't. If anyone was supposed to be sorry, it was him and if anything, that would mean he'd have to apologize twice to his boyfriend. Only twenty minutes felt like such a short span and like an eternity at the same time and Ronan hated himself for agreeing, hated himself for being fine with such a short timespan, but his doctor was right. Spending too much time with Caelan, in this state, was going to crush him mentally and keep reminding him of what he'd done. In the end, that meant that he, of all people, would be in pain sooner than later, or well, longer than anticipated. Truth be told, everything he was trying to do was nothing more than a waste of time, because in the end, it had happened and now they both were paying for being foolish by being in pain. "It wasn't. I'd never intend to hurt you", and yet he did - both physically and mentally. Ronan felt the knot in his stomach, breathed in the rancid air and he wondered if eating more than he had done would have been enough to send him vomiting by now - he was feeling miserable. "I'm still worried, you know?" There was nothing not to be worried about and it felt like he was doing the right thing by accompanying the blonde, by being by his side without thinking about much else than him.

      "I'm afraid I'll apologize for many things, many times", a knife in his own throat would be able to shut him up as a last resort, though. It sounded incredibly stupid to even think about it, yet he did and then he asked himself if there was something, well, anything that he truly could do about the predicament he found himself in. Was there anything? "I don't want to be, the only thing I want is to never fight you again, that's all", and that meant he'd simply never join a tournament again, to save himself from the torment he was feeling right now. Accidents were prone to happen, especially if their fights were determined by swinging iron blades at one another, but this wasn't something he wanted - he'd done this because Caelan had asked, nicely and that had been about it. Was he crying? Slightly, but the few droplets that actually welled up in his eyes were caught and wiped away by his boyfriend, thankfully. "Oh, I forgot. Are ... are you feeling sick?", he asked, wondering if Caelan was given the same medication he'd been handed. Ronan wasn't sure if this was happening because the side effects were kicking in, but he felt miserable and wanted to know if his own head was messed up or if the powder was. "I-If you insist", he mumbled as he got back up, loomed over the bed and then, ever so softly, put his arms around Caelan and buried his face in the blanket covering his boyfriends chest. "I-I'm sorry. I ... I ... hope you feel ... better ... soon", he was definitely crying right now.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.