sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

    • Caelan took a big gulp of his tea now that it had cooled off and afterwards rested his head on Ronans shoulder again. One hand crawled to Ronans, grabbing it softly. He slowly let his finger wander over the smooth skin on the back of his hand. "I know silly. So I do have a choice after all, but I don't object to it and I choose to trust you.", he smiled while he just enjoyed being close to Ronan and feeling the noble near him while looking outside the window where there was nothing but the forest wrapped in a layer of snow that was slowly melting. It was peaceful out here and they were all alone, no one was here to judge them or ask any stupid questions and the truth was, as long as they met here his father wouldn't even know with whom Caelan spent his time. The blonde had a habit of not being home and just go somewhere else, mostly to Cameron, but his father didn't know exactly where and he didn't ask any other Lords if they'd seen his son. Usually Caelan came home once in a while every few weeks, that had to be enough. If he was to leave for good one day his father only would notice when it was already too late and Caelan was far away already.

      Caelan took Ronans hand and pulled on it softly until he was able to lean forward a bit to kiss it again. "Nothing nice? Well, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.", Caelan answered, he wouldn't press the matter. Ronan had told him enough already, so very much Caelan wasn't sure if he was supposed to know all that, but he wouldn't tell anyone. Ronan knew some things as well, though it was pretty much every information Caelan was able to exchange in that regard, Ronan said that of course Caelan was allowed to complain as well, but in comparison his life was pretty easy and he didn't have more pressing problems than most others probably. No ones life was just smooth, everyone had a package to carry, but Ronans was exceptionally big.

    • The tea was worth the wait in the end and his breakfast, however small it may had been, was fine too. "Well, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable - you can do what you want with me, as long as I approve of it, too", he chimed, took another sip of the hot beverage and then put the cup back down on the table. Was this what solace felt like, what his mind wanted to call peace once he'd found it? Ronan wasn't so sure about all that, wasn't so keen on spending his day doing nothing, but even that showed him that people like Caelan didn't need to stay active all the time - he was who he was and Ronan envied him for that, whereas he seemed to have a life riddled with struggles. Some of them were there because Darragh hated to make it easy for him, others were there because Ronan couldn't help himself and others simply because he couldn't catch a moment of silence, of peace. He couldn't have this at home in the mansion and truth be told, he prefered being out here, whether it was alone or with someone else - Caelan was the only stranger he'd brought out here anyway, the only fellow noble that wouldn't nag about being told to do his own stuff.

      "For one, I don't and I'm pretty sure you'll find out later anyway", but until then, he still had time to hide and deceive the blonde as much as he wanted to. For one, Ronan wasn't necessarily fond of all these things and for two, it felt horrible to even consider someone finding out what it was that was plaguing him - and yet he'd already told Caelan who took his time, kissing his hands and took his time, cherishing him for who he was. What was this, if not love and what was this, if not the end of his world? No longer could he stay in that cursed dream bubble of his, guarding him from all those outside influences that plagued him time after time again and no longer was it up for debate whether or not he'd be truly able to enjoy some alone time. In reality, it wasn't something that was for him to decide - it was for Caelan up to decide, as it seemed. "I ... mh. So, how about we go back to bed?", he suggested all of sudden, taking another sip of his tea. "I can just grab any book in here and read it, we don't have to sit around here, you know?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Stop worrying already, the only thing making me uncomfortable right now is that you already fulfilled my wish and I haven't yours. I don't like owing people something.", Caelan laughed, slowly he started to think Ronan was the one feeling uncomfortable with his own idea. Caelan hated it to owe anything to somebody else if he lost a bet or anything like that he payed his dept right away and he certainly didn't try to get away from it, while on the other hand, if he had won he often enough had dropped it too, just because he didn't want someone to feel bad about some stupid bet, because they had to do something not worth it or even worse pay him money. He didn't need any money to begin with, so he didn't press such matters. Allard had a habit of keeping all those dept people owed him, important people, just so he had an ace at hand when times needed it. As a duke this seemed smart, but nothing Caelan would do himself.

      "I won't press it then.", Caelan said smiling, making Ronan uncomfortable or pushing him into a corner was the last thing he wanted, he already was scared that he was too much, got up too fast in the mornings, was too noisy and all the things his father basically hated about him. Ronan was more like Allard than Caelan probably, he liked reading and he loved silence while he didn't fancy going outside and make his hands dirty, Caelan was different, hopefully not too different. "I don't mind sitting here, but yes... let's cuddle in bed a little bit, I have missed it today morning anyway.", Caelan answered, finishing his tea, but pouring in another cup and he as well filled Ronans up again. Then he took his own cup and stood up to start going in the direction of the bed, they could drink up their too. "Nobody comes out here right? Should we keep the curtains closed anyway?", he asked, if they cuddled together nobody should see them, but was there any threat here?

    • "You won't owe me something for long, so all I'm asking for is you to stay put for a bit and then just have you reimburse me. Let's settle down first, like you said", Ronan chuckled and had taken another sip from his cup, emptying it out in the process. Truth be told, he sometimes didn't understand himself, let alone why he was so queasy about as many topics and yet he could just manhandle someone like Caelan without even giving it too much of a thought. Truth be told, he tried - tried as best as he could - and in the end, it all amounted to something, at least thats what he tried to tell himself. Theoretically, it didn't have to amount to anything - it didn't have to be anythinga and he truly, genuinely, didn't have to have anyone listening to him or giving him advice. Without Caelan, he'd have slipped through the cracks of this work and without the blonde, maybe he would have come here anyway but for entirely different reasons to begin with. His death was impending, whether it be by his very own hands or that of his father, it would happen sooner or later.

      "You won't? That's good", he remarked, fully aware that this was hypocrisy. If he was going to die sooner or later, shouldn't he at least tell the only person giving a damn about him or was there something else he could go on about until they both forgot what they were talking about to begin with. The young noble, unfortunately, doubted that this would happen at some point and that there was no chance in hell he'd be able to hide forever, just because he believed that he'd be able to - wasn't he just the worst? "And that after I cuddled up to you, you wound me, Caelan of Fhaergus!" Eventually, he'd find himself at a crossroad with no idea where to go - one path led back into Caelans arms and the other to his responsibilities that he actually should fulfill. Tea filled that cup of his soon enough and another smile found his way onto his lips as he grabbed Caelan hand and then is own teacup with the other hand - and made his way to the shelf that he'd gotten the blondes book from. Almost begrudgingly, he let go of his hand as he reached for one of the books so that he could hold it. "Normally? No. There have been some loners that came out here, so I keep the blinds closed most of the time - you can open them if you want to." The only one that came out here was his father, actually - and by that he didn't mean Darragh.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Fine, I can wait, but next time we owe each other a wish, you're going to state yours first and after I've done whatever you want from me, I'll state mine.", he proclaimed, he hated having debts and right now it annoyed him to wait longer for it just a little bit. Also he was curious, Ronan said something about tieing him up but that could mean a lot of things in the end. Caelan was curious by nature, he always had been. When he was a child he crawled into every little crack in that big and old mansion and he had pulled on every lamp in case there was a hidden lever or something. He also had climbed on almost anything he could find, just to see what's up there as if he couldn't have asked or just looked from his position, maybe in one of the corners on top of that wardrobe was something interesting. There never really was but he hadn't given up, even after falling and breaking his arm or after he tore open his skin on a rusty nail.

      "But by then I was already in the 'I have to wake Ronan up' mode and couldn't really enjoy it, that doesn't count. I thought if I keep lying with you there you'll just get mad because it doesn't exactly help with getting you to wake up. Also, it doesn't count because you were barely awake at that point anyway.", Caelan said, no he didn't fall for that little act, Ronan wasn't mad about it. Caelan lad his hand be grabbed and followed Ronan to his bookshelf. The bookshelf itself and the bed were only a few meters afar and still they felt the need to go there together. Caelan didn't mind, he liked feeling Ronans cold fingers, but he didn't like it when he let go again to grab a book. Well, Caelan still had a free hand, so he just wrapped his arm around Ronan and cuddled him as long as he stared at those books. After Ronan had decided the blonde grabbed Ronans wrist again and now he was the one dragging the other after him to the bed. He let go eventually and walked around the bed to set aside his cup of tea, then he opened the blinds just enough to get some light into the room, it was a nice day, there was nothing wrong with letting the sun crawl inside too, much as Caelan crawled into bed now. He smiled while he came closer and lifted Ronans shirt a bit, then he softly kissed his stomach a few times, before he rested his head there, feeling Ronans skin on his cheek.

    • "Sounds like a solid deal if you ask me", he remarked. If he were to ask Caelan for something else, what would he even want? At some point, they'd just run out of stuff to say to one another and then, when all was said and done, what would they even try to do? Seek out each others attention solely for fun, or try to rile one another up to the point where one of them had to give up and admit defeat at the hands of the other? Or was this simply not what they were supposed to do? Truth be told, it was fun being out here like this - and it was fun being together with Caelan like they were tied to one another indefinitely. Whenever someone would sever their bond, it wouldn't just hit him hard - but until then, they not only had time but also more than enough feelings for one another to find back into each others arms, no? For now, however, they were just witnesses to one anothers decay and fall into depravity and in all honesty, there wasn't much they could do, let alone much that he could enjoy - he was bound to come back to old habits.

      "Then just cuddle me when you wake up instead, maybe it'll wake me up slowly too. Just because I have trouble waking up most of the time doesn't mean I'm never able to wake up", he sneered, but wasn't butthurt about. They both could say whatever they wanted, in the end it didn't matter - they'd just bash their hands in and manage to hurt one another more than they should and Ronan, for once, didn't fancy that thought, not even a little bit. "Unless you don't want to cuddle me, then you don't have to", he added, chuckling about it as if it were a funny joke that he just made and nothing more than that. Were they really destined to die just because they loved each other? Or was there more to it than they could fathom? Once he'd grabbed the book, had found his way back to bed and set aside that teacup of his, he'd already been dragged to bed and was currently being abused as a stand-in for a pillow. The soft kisses tickled, just a bit. "Am I comfortable?" He asked, reaching for Caelans blonde hair with his free hand and ruffling through it.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Caelan wondered if he was even able to help Ronan, if he was able to protect him from his father or anyone else that tried to hurt him. Being the son of a duke made him somewhat powerful, in fact he probably came right after his father, which came after the crown-prince and the king itself, that sounded useful, but it wasn't if the one hurting Ronan was a duke himself and therefor higher in rank than Caelan. Still, he couldn't do whatever he wanted just like Caelan couldn't and that alone helped maybe a little bit. The blonde was scared however, scared that he'd hurt Ronan only more, that the dream he had, the image in his head of Caelan of Fhaergus was nothing but that, untrue and so much better than the truth. What if Ronan noticed that this was not at all what he had imagined and that Caelan wasn't who he thought he was? Those thoughts were unusual for Caelan but he didn't want to loose Ronan right after he found him. He felt like he needed him, though he didn't even know Ronan a few days ago. "Am I like you imagined me to be?", he bluntly asked, lifting his head just a little bit and looking into Ronans face.

      "I cuddled you half an hour, but while you're asleep you don't cuddle me back!", Caelan complained and now he was the one rubbing his face against Ronans body, his stomach to be exact. Not cuddling Ronan was not an option and he was content with just lying here, even more so when he felt Ronans hand ruffling through Caelans blonde hair. Why did it feel so good when Ronan did something trivial like that, but when a girl, any girl, did the same, Caelan just worried about his hair getting messed up. That wasn't even a concern right now, though it never really was, his hair was easy to manage actually, not like Ronans. "Yes, you're comfortable.", Caelan mumbled, should he even start reading now, or did he rather stay here and close his eyes for a while? Being close to Ronan seemed like all he needed and wanted and aside from that he wasn't sure if he dared reading this book while Ronan was next to him, in the end he saw Caelan blush and laughed at him...

    • Theoretically, he was on his own and there was no chance for him to change that - Darragh did what he wanted, whatever he desired and if it were to hurt his son, his very own kin, then so be it. There was nothing Ronan could do against it, except whine about it in more than one way, complain to Henry or Caelan and seek help or even salvation - whatever came first, he would take it not shy away in the slightest. "You? Like I imagined you to be?", he peered up, wanted to read those blurry letters on those yellowed pages his books had, but there was no way he'd be able to, not like this, not when Caelan was distracting him not only with his acting and the warmth be brought to his very skin, but also the words that came from his lips that he'd like to have somewhere else right now. "I don't think I had all those expectations, you're a bit more unruly than I thought, but that's nothing a good punishment can't fix", he chuckled, unsure if he meant it all that harsh. "Like, I did think you were pretty hot and I knew you were a bit on the pushy side, but you're pretty much like I thought you'd be. Just cuter." Was that really how he felt?

      Ruffling through the blonde strands of hair felt good at times, but truth be told, he did have to use that hand of his for something else at some poing, mainly changing the page he was on, but as far as he was concerned, he hadn't understood one damn word on this page. "That's what sleeping people do! Sleep! And I cuddled you as soon as I woke up!" Right here, right now, he'd already found solace, even if it meant to discard all the things he should be standing for, but it was fine - he'd give in if he needed to. Ronan and Caelan did well to keep their little relationship a secret, but in the end, somebody would find out, whether intentionally or on accident, but until then, he wanted to enjoy the faint rays of sun on his skin and his lover, radiating warmth. "Good to know. Do you just want to sit back and relax for a while?", he inquired, his voice still somewhat hoarse as he finally found time to take away that hand of his and turn the page - he still had no idea what the last one had read.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "More unruly than you expected?", Caelan asked laughing, "I pretty much thought I come across like that anyway. I mean... I do a lot of stupid things, I'm not gonna deny that and I won't even blame Cameron for it, if anything I corrupted him." Caelan had done a lot of stupid things before he knew him and Cameron was equally dumb, but together...? Well, they did a whole bunch of irresponsible and dangerous stuff, leaving scars on both their bodies, because most of the time there weren't so lucky to turn out alright after a trip only the two of them made. Thinking about that now made Caelan want to tell Ronan a story and thinking about one made his side hurt, just at the spot where a big scar was located that was one that probably wouldn't go away anymore. "One time we were bored and thank god we were in Stenz. I suggested hunting and to make it more interesting we wanted to have a competition, who brings back the bigger boar wins. Well, Cameron wanted that too but we did that a lot and it was getting boring so he jokingly said we could make it interesting with not using any weapons, just our bare hands. We laughed about it, eventually looked at each other and decided... why not. I tell you, don't ever try that... I found a boar or it found me, not sure, anyway having that big animal in front of me wasn't scary enough to have me leave, just because Cameron shouldn't win, you know? So... yeah I fought it and thinking about it now, I'm not sure how I would have killed that thing anyway. I got it to leave me alone at least, but not after it rammed it's tusk in my side and... yeah, Cameron found me eventually and I hid away in Stenz for three weeks. My father would just have killed me for doing something stupid like that and Camerons father just laughed about it, so I stayed there until it healed... not sure why I'm telling you this though." Caelan grinned, he wasn't exactly proud of that, but it was a funny story. Cameron and him where a very very bad fit, whenever they were alone they did something reckless and Caelan wasn't sure whos fault it was. Now however Caelan shook his head. "Cute? Never heard that one before."

      "Yeah yeah, next time I'll stay in bed with you a while longer...", Caelan mumbled, gave Ronan another kiss on his stomach and then decided to bite him softly, because he was so cheeky and because he took his hand away for a moment to turn his page. "It's comfortable right now... sorry, I'll stop talking now and let you read." Eventually he could take his own book, after all Ronan wanted him to know some things, to know how to handle this body of his, but wasn't studying on the subject at hand better than reading about it? The book was interesting though... Caelan wasn't sure what to do and he barely wanted to keep his hands by himself now, how would he feel if he read about something like what Ronan gave him and not think about the two of them doing all that stuff, how would he manage to not imagine how it would feel if Ronan did that... he blushed already.

    • "Is that such a weird thing to say? To assume that maybe, his Lordship, Caelan of Fhaergus isn't an unruly rebel that knows every single trick in the book?", Ronan answered, laughing equally. If he put it like that, it wasn't too far off to assume that Caelan was nothing more than a rebel - against his status and against his father. Truth be told, he could probably find out more about the blonde if he wanted to, but right now, he knew enough - at least he thought he did. "You? Corrupting Cameron of Stenz? Don't make me laugh - I'm pretty sure he was as unruly as you were even before you met him", another laugh escaped his throat, as if there was something that - in the end - let to the two of them having a mutual understanding for things that they yet had to grasp fully. Ronan wasn't one to dig deep into someone elses open chest, through their viscera only to find a shimmering shard of what they true emotions were supposed to convey - he wasn't one for that. Instead, his face paled at the mere description - Caelan was an idiot and right now, he somewhat could understand why his father wished for his own son to not be associated with the future Duke of Fhaergus, who - in turn - seemed to not value his own life all that much. "So, you are quite the unruly bastard - I mean, I could have assumed that you were doing stuff like that but that's just ... I wouldn't dare to."

      "Well, you are cute - in your own way", he mused, touched his hair again and ruffled through it, trying his very best to not make a total mess of it - they should at least comb it at some point today. "Cuddle me then, or touch me as much as you want, I don't mind. I'm yours anyway." Caelan did his best to entertain him as it seemed and yet the letters on the pages were still blurry, he couldn't know what they meant or what he actually was trying to read - he knew this book, in and out, and yet his lovers - his boyfriends - presence was enough to just take his mind off of things. "Go on, I want to listen to your voice. Or ... maybe you want to listen to me? I mean, I don't have any stupid stories to tell like walking through Stenz's forests and deciding to hunt a boar with bare hands. But maybe I can just, what do I know, talk about something? Is there anything you want to know?" There were a lot of pressing questions, but all of these had to wait until Ronan felt ready to expose himself - which wasn't right about now, just as right about now wasn't the time to cut his own arms open and let himself bleed. Just thinking about it made him sick right now, whyever that was - and yet, maybe ... "But then again, I doubt I'm all that interesting", he laughed, turning the page yet again.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Well I mean... I always assumed people like your father don't like my father because they know what shit I'm doing and they think he doesn't care. He does, but that's settled privately at home, nobody knows that though. I assumed everyone thinks he is approving my generally known reckless behaviour, though I must admit at those events I usually play nice, even with Cameron around.", Caelan answered with a smile. He probably shouldn't be proud of any of those stories and he probably wasn't, but he'd also not turn back time to not do it... sometimes he just needed to be incredibly stupid like his father always told him he was. Then why the fuck wouldn't he prove him right? "The Lords and Ladies of Stenz are all a tad... wilder I guess you could call it? Camerons father is pretty outgoing and they generally teach their children with letting them fall on their nose and see for themselves. Cameron is especially dumb and reckless, but his siblings are pretty much the same and to be honest, I'd love to live there instead with my father. It's always nice to visit because everything there is so easy, Camerons father is more a father to me than my own, but don't tell his or my father that." Caelan looked up again, looked at Ronan, smiling because he realized just now that talking to him was so much fun... after all this was what they'd done at the lake and it made them come incredibly close to each other. There weren't many people Caelan could be open with. "You wanna see the scar? I mean... you probably already have anyway." A slight red shimmer appeared on Caelans face, thinking about the fact that they both had seen each other naked more than once.

      "In what way?", Caelan asked now suddenly pretty interested. Nobody had ever called him cute and if anyone was, it was Ronan, not himself. Another smile crept on his face and a small laughter escaped his lips. "Mine, yeah? You're willing to offer yourself to me that fast?", he asked with a soft voice and a look on his face that probably made clear that he liked hearing that, a lot actually. "I... I uhm... could tell you another story if you want... or if you have something to tell me, go ahead.", he answered, he did not really have a pressing question for Ronan, nothing that he wanted to know or rather could grasp already. "I think you're very interesting... you have this mysterious vibe around you, there are not many people who know who you really are, are there? I like it... I like that there is so much more I'm able to discover if I'm only patient enough. In fact you're so mysterious I don't even have a concrete question for you, but if you have a story, I'll listen."

    • "My father just doesn't like anyone that has slightly differing opinions - if I'm honest, I've never seen him be genuinely happy about a business proposal or something else from another noble and all in all, he'd rather sneer and complain about the usual stuff than play nice", Ronan elaborated - sometimes, it was hard to understand Darragh and the vigor he seemingly felt when it came to calling somebody off or running his mouth about them. Truth be told, wasn't that just how things were supposed to go anyway? "So they live a relatively free life - on one hand, I envy them for that and on the other, I fear for their morals and their etiquette. Not, that I would doubt that you like being there or feel moe welcome in Stenz than you do at home, but I just can't imagine myself being there, let alone not having someone criticize me every step of the way", he added. While he knew that Darragh, theoretically wasn't his father, he'd still been raised by him and all in all, this would only mean that - in actuality - he deserved being dragged through the mud by him. "Even if I've seen it, I doubt I'd be able to tell which one it was exactly. So, show me." While redness rose to the blondes face and Ronan only caught a faint glimpse of it, there wasn't much more that he could do - just faintly laugh about it.

      "The one were you're oh so though and an eyecatcher for so many girls, but god forbid you're around someone you actually care for once, your brain seems to turn to mush and the blood either rises to your face or your crotch", the noble explained, meaning it. Right here, right now, he could say whatever he wanted and it would stay between the two of them, never to be dug out somewhere else again - maybe that was why he felt so overconfident and bossy all of a sudden. "Take whatever you want before the vultures do." One day, they'd be no more and when that time arose, he'd eventually be nothing more than a bunch of rotting bones that this world had yet to fully perceive - to undersstand, that a rotting corpse had been their lord ll along. "Tell me all the stories you've got, I'd like to listen ... unless you want to not tell something, then don't feel pressured to", but why would he? He already had extended the invitation outward, towards Ronan, who couldn't just decline. "I don't think I have anything interesting to impart but ... me? Interesting? I mean, the first impression does matter and I feel honored that I exude such ... seemingly interesting aura, but you're merely flattering me. There isn't much that you won't get out of me without a bit of prying me open, you know?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Well your father probably isn't the only one not liking mine. I mean my father is polite and nice, but as soon as you are able to see through his fake smile, you know he lies most of the time. Not that he dislikes anyone else but he certainly doesn't have as high of an opinion of some people, only they don't know that.", Caelan explained, though Ronans father was again much worse as it seems. Well Ronan seemed to have inherited the sneering however, but he better didn't say that, never. "Freedom was always something the family of Stenz valued, freedom and strength. It's not all easy there, not for someone who isn't as active and energetic as Cameron for example and if you are not able to prove your strength, it's generally harder. They have some kind of... ritual when children - boys and girls - turn fifteen, I was with Cameron at that time, met him in Stenz for his birthday, we only knew each other for a few months though. He was allowed to bring a crew so to speak on his very own ship he built himself and then we waited for a storm and were not allowed back until the weather calmed down. We came back alive, but I doubt everyone is as lucky, which is maybe why they got so many children, only they all survived this as it seems. My father eventually caught wind of it, wanted me to not meet Cameron again but in his twisted mind he couldn't tell that to the Duke of Stenz, would have ruined his image bla bla. Well I just didn't listen to him and I'm still meeting Cameron." Caelan shook his head smiling and sat up. "Sorry, now I told another story though I wanted to let you speak.", he apologized and now moved up his shirt. He also pulled down his pants with the other hand, just a little bit and pointed towards a scar starting just on top of his hip bone on the right side and moving diagonally downwards for about seven to eight centimetres, stopping just slightly under his waistband, he had moved away to show off the scar. It was about two centimetres wide and it certainly wouldn't go away with age. "That's the one.", he said, looking down his own body, he had one from Camerons birthday as well, but it wasn't as big and located on his hand.

      He looked at Ronan again, almost being at a loss for words just proving his point as it seemed and at the same time Ronan apparently did figure out just how much Caelan cared about him after only a few days. "I...uh...", he started, scratching the back of his head and knowing that he should have just shut up, so he closed his mouth again that didn't produce any words anyway. "I mean it though... You're much more complex than most other people and I know I will eventually know all your secrets, but until then I have something to look forward too. You look like you have a lot of them... which is intriguing, I'm pretty much an open book and not that interesting at all.", Caelan replied with a smile. Ronan probably was his only secret next to the not so good relationship to his father, but Ronan was a secret he liked having. "And as of stories... I've probably got a bunch but I don't know where to start!", he laughed.

    • "This world hardly consists of anything but lies and liars are known to spread all those lies, and, well - we all don't want to tell everyone our deepest, darkest secrets and some of us hate to be perceived to begin with. In the end, those with power mold their world in their image and those who don't have any are helpless in their efforts to chnge things for the better, this is nothing that hasn't happened before and pretending to be a better version of oneself, just for business, isn't anything new", Ronan mused, knowing fully well that he'd end up like Caelans father one day if it all went on like this. At some point, he'd find himself skewered on the stake and his remains burned because he had chosen to share his bed with a man - and didn't hide it well enough. "So you're telling me the entirety of Stenz is just trying to get their youth killed by the forces of nature to prove they're worthy of becoming an adult? What kind of idiots are they? I mean, I'm normally not one to side with someones father, but maybe, just maybe, your father is somewhat right. You could have died, you know that." His eyes wandered instead, to the scar marred skin that he wished to call his own, that was a stark contrast to his own, pale and silky soft skin that he hated oh so much. "Looks gruesome - but as long as it doesn't hurt all that much, I don't think it's too bad, or is it?"

      Ronan didn't dare touch it, at least not this time around and the other thing he didn't dare doing was truly move - instead, he just sometimes caught a glimpse of what his lover was doing and was content with it, especially when he had to grin because he'd made him speechless. Did he miss something? Or were his words right on the spot? Whatever the case may be, he'd find out sooner or later. "Am I going into too much detail? You do have a pretty face", Ronan insisted and knew nothing about what he was saying - one wouldn't call Caelan pretty or cute, rather handsome - and yet he lay there and did all this, simply because it felt like the right thing to do. "There's still things I don't know about you. You're just easier to read than someone like me, but that absolutely doesn't mean that you are less interesting - people like me normally don't have much to hide." But when they did, they'd never speak up on it without being caught in the act first and having to explain. Right now, he was save - he couldn't be found out, not right here, not right now. "And my most interesting one isn't even noteworthy - tell me more about you and if you have time, come here for a kiss."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "I don't like lying to people and yet I do it for my father and I don't know why. Maybe I'm not the right material to become a duke one day. To be honest... my father is a good duke and he cares about our people, he is a good businessman as well, if it wasn't for his grudge against my uncle and me, he would probably even be a good father. Maybe he should have gotten another son, I should have a brother, but I don't know why they didn't want another kid.", he answered in all honesty and if he had had a brother, he probably would do the same as his uncle some day... leave the seat of duke to him and live a life in nature, away from all those events and doing whatever he wanted in freedom. OF course Dreigh had more reason to abandon his seat, but Caelan admired him for having done it and for being free now. "I know.", Caelan simply answered, he knew he could have died along with Cameron there and back then to be honest he didn't know if he was to believe a ship built by Cameron himself would actually survive on open water even without a storm, but it did. Why did he do it? Well he could say Cameron begged him to and wanted him by his side but the truth was, it didn't need much convincing, as well as the stupid idea with the boar. Caelan wasn't keen on dying and he wasn't keen on proving he was the strongest and most brave, so... why exactly did he all these stupid things? "To be honest I don't know why I did it. But I'm alive, that's all that matters." He also wouldn't stop being reckless just like that. "It hurt back then, but now not anymore. All healed up and well, only the scar won't go away anymore.", Caelan explained and let his shirt sink again.

      "Uh no... you're just very perceptive.", Caelan answered with a slight smile. "Thanks for the compliment though, your face is also very pretty." Now he grinned and moved a little closer to Ronan again, only this time crawling up to his face and not merely residing at his stomach. "You told me making you smile and laugh would be hard and now look at you smiling almost constantly.", he pointed out, pretty proud of the fact, it was his doing, wasn't it? "I think you have a lot of secrets that are more interesting than mine... I don't even know if I have any secret you don't already know." Caelan made himself comfortable next to Ronan and leaned in for a kiss, just like he wanted. Then he let his head sink on Ronans shoulder and looked at his book that... he couldn't read. That must have been a wolves book, just like Ronan said. "I'm still interested and I'm interested in how you learned to read that.", he said pointing at the book while already thinking about a story he could tell Ronan. "You could pick a scar and I'll tell you the story... there are plenty to choose from, though not all are interesting."

    • "We are all bound by duty one way or another. Whether or not we use that to our own advantage or to devote ourselves to our people is up to those who can choose, just like us. However, in the end, all we are trying is to fit in and nothing more and if there is an empty spot we could make our own, you can bet your title on it that someone will try to squeeze in, whether or not that spot was made for them." His mouth was dry and all in all, he felt as if he hadn't talked this much, this long with anyone in years. This was a one-on-one with him and his lover, one he couldn't escape, but it was fine just like that - he'd get used to talking, to speaking up for himself the longer he spent time with Caelan, only to find himself slumping back into old habits as soon as all of this was over. "I have a little brother and let me tell you, sometimes it's easier to pretend that you don't have duties you'll eventually have to fulfill - but I can't just leave all this baggage to him, because I'm selfish and want to get away from my father. Declan deserves a childhood too." Ronan wanted to be selfish sometimes, wanted nothing more than to shove his little brother in the spotlight that Darragh wanted him to have, but in the end, he was too entitled, too sour and too bitter to give up his title. "Well, I guess you're kind of right? I mean, if you weren't alive, what would I do without you?"

      Old habits died hard and therefore, it only was a matter of time for him until he fell back into his old ways - not now, not here but when the blonde would leave again and Ronan had to come to terms with the fact that this world moved with and without him, that it didn't matter if he was truly alive or not, because in the end, there always had been a replacement for him. "You just expose yourself too much, too soon", that was all there was to it - and maybe, just maybe, watching people like a vulture waiting for food himself contributed to that. "You flatter me", he replied instead, hellbound to eventually have his lover up in his face again, simply because he was demanding enough for a kiss. "If you'd like me to stop, I can. You just need to pay a little fee first and that fee would be reading that book of yours", he chuckled, knew well enough that Caelan wouldn't read if he didn't have to and as soon as he had received that kiss of his, he kissed the blonde back. "I'm sure you have some, hidden somewhere that you just don't feel like telling yet. Or maybe you forgot them yourself, who knows?" In reality, they were nothing more than dutybound to one another, nothing more than forced to do one anothers bidding and in the end, they'd know so much about one another it probably was a bad idea to even spend so much time with one another. Haphazardly, his eyes moved back to the pages after marbling the beauty of Caelans face, and suddenly it dawned upon him. Of course the letters were blurry, of course this wasn't going to work out. "That? Thrian language? My mother values our relationship with Thria and wants to to make the most of it - I had a teacher for that." In truth, Ronan was fluent in this damn language and his only teacher had been his very own father. "I guess that's one of my secrets", he chuckled, then looked at the blonde. "Pick a scar? Are you sure about that? What do you want in exchange? Should I teach you wolfspeak?", Ronan laughed. That would be a stupid idea through and through.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Mhh...I know I have to take the place of my father someday, but... I might not look like it, but I do care about what he says about me and I know that sometimes he's right, though he never really gave me a chance. Still I wonder if I'm the right person to be duke, maybe... you could just take Fhaergus off my hands... I'd trust you with it.", Caelan sighed and closed his eyes for a few moments. His father hated him for all the wrong reasons and Caelan grew up to the man he was today because of it, maybe if he had been more caring, he would have turned out differently but that was mere speculation. He was rash and way too honest to lead a country, or was he not? "You... You're right I guess... well it depends on how my brother would be, if I had one. My father and my uncle always were different, my father was younger, but he loved reading, was always polite and caring as well, at least that's what I've heard. He had a good childhood just like my uncle, in the end maybe it was the right decision to let him take the position of duke though. My uncle would just be unhappy there, even if the incident with my aunt hadn't happened... you know? If I had a brother, maybe he'd even like being the heir instead of me." After Caelan being not at all who his father wanted as a son, why didn't he try for a better choice, he wondered? "I don't want you to be alone, so I guess I'll have to try staying alive. Cameron already turned fifteen, so I won't need to do that again.", he snorted jokingly.

      "As I said, I don't like lying so if you ask me a question, I'll answer truthfully. I also don't like keeping secrets very much, though... you're one I will keep, don't worry.", he replied. He knew very well which secrets he ought to keep, one of which was his relationship to his father and his own families business and yet he told Ronan all of it. He trusted him for some reason, but Ronan was the one opening up first, so it was only right to do the same and trust him. Now Caelan gave Ronan a little push and started laughing. "Of course I don't want you to stop!", he proclaimed and soon after got himself another kiss of his lover, his hand landed on Ronans cheek and he didn't let him go for a few moments. Even after the kiss he kept close to him and his hand merely moved downwards a little bit, residing on his chest now. "Hm... is that so?", Caelan asked apparently somewhat confused. "I thought you're already preparing for war with them, or at least keep sending troops to the borders... I had the impression Alster doesn't have good relations to the wolves." Well, but what did he know? He never even saw a wolf in his life and he certainly didn't want to kill one, why would he? "Exchange? No, that's fine, if my stories humor you, I'm glad to tell them. Furthermore I wouldn't remember a damn thing of what you are trying to teach me, so don't try!", he laughed and he didn't even have chances to use that language. Even if he did remember some words now, he'd forget them when he returned home.

    • "You'll realize, sooner or later, that your father may be right or wrong - whatever comes first. I don't doubt that your father is wrong for seeing nothing but your uncle in you, but I think - and that goes for everyone - maybe they do have something interesting to impart as well. As for me, I'd doubt that someone would just give Fhaergus to Alster, or that I'd be fit to rule another country that's far colder than my own", and despite his father being a wolf himself, Ronan never had been fond of the cold, or the snow, or anything like that. Whenever he came out here while it was freezing outside, he hated himself, huddled down in his bed and usually - just because his clothes had gotten slightly wet - he'd come down with a cold. "Maybe you'll like mine - I can gift him to you, if you want him", Ronan joked, laughing this time around. Declan was so young and not at all concerned with the problems of this world, so it only was natural for him to try and make the best of it, however he'd do just that. Ronan, on the other hand, had knowledge of what he was supposed to do, but barely wanted to. "Trying sometimes isn't good enough, but that's fine." Another page turned and Ronan thought he'd understood, at least for once.

      "You best not blurt out that Ronan of Alster sucked you off, I'd very much like to not be burned at the stake", but there were so many more secrets he was keeping, hidden beneath that stern and harsh exterior of his. Ronan knew, well enough at that, that the truth wasn't always what one wanted to hear, rather, it was as the world foretold - fate would judge, there were no gods. The soft nudge in his side made him peer up, Caelans laughter feeling like music to his ears. "Good! I was worried for a second." They both had matters to attend to, things to take care of and they both knew that their time was limited, that they barely could spend many days together without sticking out like a sore thumb. The shy, sickly heir of Alster and the outgoing, loud heir of Fhaergus, together like this - wasn't it a sight to behold? "Yes. And I mean, you're not wrong, but just because my father has the say over our soldiers doesn't mean my mother wants a war - sometimes, they don't see eye to eye. My mother doesn't want a war, my father would very much like to get rid of all and any Thrians that he can get his hands on - it's a double-edged sword and I don't think my father would approve anyway." Right now, he only existed because his mother had willed it - had fallen for a wolf, a vagrant, a stranger and although they shouldn't be keeping in touch, they did. "Alright, tell me another one! And don't be so lazy, I'm sure you could learn a thing or two!", Ronan chuckled, turning the page again. "Or do you want to tell me that you aren't even just a little bit curious how unhinged Thrians can be?"
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Interesting, huh?", Caelan asked, letting his gaze wander while his head still remained on Ronans shoulder. He liked feeling him close, knowing that he was here and it made him feel a little better although they started a topic he didn't really like. He didn't have to deal with such conversations often, but that didn't mean it was bad, it just was... exhausting thinking about his father and his future. "I'd give it to you... probably my father is right, I can't deny I'm rash, hotheaded and not nearly as smart as you or my father are. I don't want to be the reason people suffer, but I also know it's my responsibility to rule Fhaergus someday... do you think there is anyone actually wanting to be the heir to their fathers legacy?" There probably were but Caelan wasn't one of them and as far as he understood, Ronan wasn't either. Wasn't he the one talking about running away? Of course it was a joke, but it actually sounded very nice. Caelan would be able to care for both of them if they had a hut like this one, he wasn't made for being a duke someday, not even to be a noble. "Didn't you just say he deserves a childhood?", Caelan chuckled a little, why did he have no brother...? His father hated him since he was a child, he had planty of opportunities to try for a better son. "I promise I'll stay alive for you then... if I would die, I'm sure you'd be the one doing something stupid."

      They both were so different, if they stuck together and vanished at the same time, people would start suspecting something was up. What could the two of them possibly be talking about, when they were so different? What were they doing if not talking? Those kind of things... so even if they hid away, that wasn't enough, nobody should probably notice that they vanished at the same time. Good they hadn't much friends that were friends of Ronan and Caelan at the same time. "Why does your father want to kill them so much?", Caelan asked, his hand was seemingly searching for something while Caelan let it wander over Ronans body, but he didn't know what he tried to do there, he just wanted to feel close, and so he hooked his arm into Ronans and overall came a little closer. "I can just ask you what's written in those books you know? I don't have to learn a language I would never use anyway.", Caelan chuckled slightly and thought about another story he could tell Ronan, but nothing wanted to come to his mind. "I said pick a scar, otherwise I don't know where to begin! Though most of the stories aren't that interesting." Caelan lifted his arm and moved one finger in front of Ronans face, on it a little scar, barely visible. "Cut myself with a knife, nothing more.", he said smirking, then he turned his hand a little and presented a scar on the outer side of his hand. "In the storm with Cameron, one of the ropes got loose and hit me... was like a whip, that hurt and even left a scar... If I hadn't moved my hand up it may have hit my face."

    • “Next the slew of abusive bullshit that comes out of their mouths, that is. I can’t judge Allard of Fhaergus, but I know that Darragh of Alster will die with one or more secrets that he never found the chance to unveil again. So, of course, I’m naturallyr curious but also somewhat cautious, in case I’m the unlucky one that’ll get exposed by his own father sooner or later.” And thus, truth be told, he already had a hunch that Darragh knew more than he let on - that something was already amiss, but he couldn’t exactly put his finger on it. Maybe he was wrong and his father didn’t know a single damn thing about him, his mother or anyone and anything in Alster, but that seemed unlikely. “Who knows? I’m sure that you aren’t one of them and me either, we both really want nothing more than to be left alone for the rest of eternity. With one another.” Naturally, he wouldn’t mind hunkering down here or anywhere else, as long as freezing to death wasn’t going to be one of the available options offered to him. “As much as you deserve some alone time and as much as I deserve being myself, so yes - but if you could use him, why don’t you?” Darragh would rather rip his own face off than give his second son to someone like an heir of Fhaergus, Ronan was pretty sure about that. “I’m already doing plenty of stupid things. You can stay alive because you want to, too.”

      Once someone would catch wind of the situation, it particularly was over for them. There would be no mercy, let alone time to explain all these things - they’d be forced to take a stance, right then and there and hope to god that nobody had read between the lines. “What do I know. He just hates them, like your father but worse and whenever I ask him about it, he just gets cryptic. I’m guessing something happened with his relatives, but who can truly say that? Not me. I just know that I don’t know my grandparents on his side or anyone else - just as if they didn’t exist.” But he wouldn’t dare dig deeper into the mess that Darragh had brought with him when he’d arrived at the Alster manor some years ago. Ronan enjoyed straying from the topic, liked being so close to his lover and then he asked himself if this was what all of those did that had freshly fallen in love, that never had loved anyone before. “You’ll never know when you might need it, but I’ll not pester you about something like that, that’s up to you entirely.” Warmth and diligence was all that he needed out here and truth be told, maybe he’d be able to give Caelan just that - even if he was only good at listening, he’d do that and then think to himself how much he admired the blonde, even now. “Can’t really pick a scar if I’m trying to read, listening and talking to you and also being generally a bit occupied, but if you insist - what about this one?” He put the book on the nightstand and pointed at one scar on Caelans lower arm. “What did you do?”
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.