sinbound. [Akira & Earinor] [ENG]

    • "Actual stuff...?", Caelan asked confused and he was as much confused if he should even answer his question, yet he did and probably sounded like an idiot. "Well I'm... I... I don't know?" Well he did know the books probably had enough sexual content described that anyone would start blushing, except maybe Ronan who already seemed to have read a lot of them. Where there people who read something like this? Those books were forbidden, so maybe Caelans thoughts didn't make sense after all... he still wondered who had wrote this and why, wasn't it too dangerous? It also was dangerous cuddling with Ronan so maybe this as well was a stupid thought. He'll have more than an idea and the books would get the point across... why did this make Caelan even more nervous? It didn't matter for now anyways since Ronan already seemed asleep and maybe after a good nights sleep it wasn't important anymore, so he just closed his eyes as well as Ronan and tried to sleep, though his thoughts wandered on and on for a while, before he finally drifted off as well.

      Caelan woke up pretty soon the next morning, the sun was only starting to struggle its way up and the room generally was pretty dark. The fire in the fireplace almost went out, but Caelan didn't want to wake Ronan just yet and he would as long as he stood up. He just closed his eyes for a while again, waited and let Ronan sleep despite him telling Caelan to wake him up, it wasn't necessary to be up that early. After maybe half an hour or a full hour later however, Caelan though it was maybe time and since tickling Ronan didn't work out that well last time, he tried a different approach. First he slightly moved, holding Ronan still in his arms. He softly started moving his hand over his back and eventually his fingers found their way under his shirt. "Wake up sleepyhead...", he whispered, pressing a kiss on Ronans forehead and he continued moving his hand over Ronans soft skin. "You told me to wake you up, but... if you want to keep sleeping, just tell me..." He wanted to fulfill Ronans wish and he knew the fellow noble sometimes had troubles waking up, but that didn't mean he had to throw him out of bed this early in the morning, did it? As long as he continued trying to wake Ronan up until he told him otherwise it should be fine though. Well and if Ronan didn't wake up from this, Caelan needed another strategy probably.

    • There was some incoherent mumbling going on - at least there had been before he'd fallen asleep, and there still was after he was slowly but surely descending down into the land of dreams, falling deeper and deeper until he thought that he'd reached the bottom of the well. Ronan was fairly aware that the world didn't revolve around him, or anyone for that matter - sometimes, tragedies found their way into the spotlight of this torn world, at other times, they simply existed on the side, as if being perceived for more than a second was something that would cause them to be resolved - but this, even a fraction of this, would blow up like a bomb. Although the world didn't want to bend to his will, he had to bend to its will and that, simply, was to obey his father and the laws of this cursed land, unless he'd actually make his way to Thria, discard all of his belongings and become who he ought to be - a faceless wolf, a monster without a family or a name - wasn't that what his father thought Thria consisted of? What, if Darragh found out? Would he rip him to shreds?

      His dreams were filled with pitchblack ichor, with the miasma of yesteryear and overfilled with thoughts that he could no longer contain. Ronan was fairly aware that the truth lay beyond his imagination and that reality was but a cloth, used to obscure his vision and telling him how everyone else would react to him being who he was - would they tear him apart or burn him at the stake? Or maybe they'd think he was possessed by a demon they had to exorcise before they could kill him? Whatever it was, thinking about that - even in his dreams - was nothing less than stressful. Once he'd heard and felt the soft touch on his equally soft skin, he grunted. This was his own fault, he'd told Caelan to wake him up and yet, he did want to - at least for once in his life. If he would waste their days out here, they might as well have stayed in Lavern and stayed far away from the other. "I ... don't ...", he mumbled in retaliaton as soon as he'd managed to croak out a few words of his dry throat. Ronan enjoyed Caelans touch, but what he didn't enjoy was the seemingly cold air that crept upon his slightly exposed skin. Involuntarily, he opened those eyes of his - it wasn't blindingly light outside yet, which was good. "Morning ...", he grumbled, pressing his face back into Caelans chest and rubbing it against it once again - well, he was more wake than usual, or so he thought. His fingers were still numb and moving them felt weird, but he was moving them - right?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Ronan started moving and making a grunting noise, he even mumbled something, telling Caelan to keep at it and wake him up for today. "Good morning...", he smiled back at the tender figure cuddling up to the blonde and Caelan continued moving his hand over his back. "How do you want to be woken up? Should I continue with this?", he asked, unsure what Ronan needed this time around. The black haired said usually it wasn't as hard to wake him up than a few days ago and it wasn't yesterday, he even got out of bed himself, but Caelan couldn't see the difference yet and so he just listened to what Ronan needed, while he did what he thought felt good. Actually he didn't want Ronan to jump out of bed right away anyway, they could just lie here and cuddle, maybe Caelan could move away the curtains a little more and they just watched the outside or something like that. He didn't want to waste his day sleeping, but cuddling together was no waste at all.

      Caelan started drawing small circles on Ronans back and he pressed another soft kiss on his head, then he reached for his hand, pulling it up and kissing the back of it. "Do you want breakfast? You can lie here a while longer while I'll prepare something you can eat in bed. Maybe some bread with butter and ham we bought? And a tea maybe? I'm sure you have tea here.", he softly proposed and kissed the knuckles of Ronans hand he held in his. Boiling some water for tea would take a while anyway and while he was at it, he could also get some wood and keep the flames from getting out, which were only lingering in the fireplace, maybe the one outside went out already. Ronan didn't fancy the cold, so the fire better kept burning and warmed up the room, Caelan couldn't be responsible for Ronans warmth completely on his own.

    • Divine punishment or not, he felt miserable now that he had woken up - it felt as if thousands of needles were piercing his body and it was shrieking for him to stop. In reality, he tried moving his fingers but had limited success and the efforts that followed were only met with his body rebelling against his very actions. Was this just because he had been unruly the night before? Or because he wanted nothing more than to stay in Caelans arms without a good excuse? "Go ... on ...", he mumbled and tried his best to not only pinpoint the soft touches on that cold, numb skin of his but also try and get himself going. Maybe this would help with circulation, or maybe he'd at least find himself in a better headspace than this one. Nightmares were going to drag him down sooner or later or maybe it was just he himself, trying his earnest and hardest to fully understand what it was that he truly wanted. Right now, it was the blondes touch that felt almost ghastly on his very skin and the ability to feel his fingers again. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he could finally feel one of those damn hands of his again and used them to cling to the back of Caelans shirt.

      The other got snatched by his boyfriend, or lover, or affair, or however one might desire to call it - for now, he didn't mind. The soft kisses sent a shiver down his spine as soon as he felt them, faintly but surely and in the end, he felt much more awake than before - only his eyes were unwilling, even if he'd manage to open them, for some reason, they didn't want to, very much like the rest of his body. Ronan felt groddy at best, even though he should be wide awake by now. "Mh, I want ... to ... get up ... too", the young noble mumbled, letting his mind drift for a while. He wouldn't mind something to eat, but he wasn't feeling hungry - not yet, anyway. After all, he himself was to blame for that body of his and the immediate feeling of sickness he had whenever he tried to wolf down something right after waking up. "I do ... but you'll ... probably not find ... it", Ronan croaked, knowing fully well that if he agreed to Caelan getting up and making breakfast, he'd be stuck in this bed alone and getting up would prove even harder. Instead, he tried to get that body of his going one more time and used his free hand to rub across that face of his, once he'd managed to slip out of Caelans grasp with the other and temporarily help himself sit up. "I'm ... wide awake", he yawned - that definitely wasn't convincing, especially not with closed eyes.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Ronan wanted Caelan to keep going, so he did a while longer, he sounded tired as always and a little bit desperate this time around. Caelan wasn't entirely sure what of which was just being tired after a maybe not so well sleep and what was Ronans general problem with waking up, whatever that was and what caused it. At least Ronan didn't ask Caelan to shake him again, he kind of felt bad if he did it and thinking about that, he wasn't sure if he was able to fulfill Ronans wish of having the blondes hands around his neck. On the other hand if he did that now, Ronan probably would wake up from it, his body alarmed... wouldn't that be enough? But no, Caelan just kept moving his hands on his back until he grabbed his hand to kiss it. Ronans hand found its way on Caelans back briefly.

      With other circumstances Caelan would have objected to Ronans wish of getting up too, but he looked like he needed to get up to escape the dreamland that had him still in its grasp. There was no use in telling him to stay in bed and rest a while longer, Ronan didn't want that and Caelan had learned his lesson, at least he believed that, this was kind of complicated. He'd told him he could just tell Caelan where he'd find the tea, but no, while Ronan struggled to sit up, Caelan stood up already and walked around the bed to Ronans side. "Alright then!", he proclaimed and grabbed both of Ronans hands. In a swift motion he pulled him on his feet and put his arm around his waist just in case standing wasn't something he was capable as of now. "Tell me where the tea is then!", he said, not sure if Ronan was able to walk, well at least he should open his eyes for that. Maybe putting his head in a bucket of cold water would help... no, he'd just be mad.

    • In the end, he wasn't made for that life that he wanted to have - he wouldn't make a very good peasant, or a farmer, or anything for that matter. Nothing a man was supposed to do anyway - he could cook, sweep the floor, clean, read and write - but if he wasn't who he was, would he even be able to do such trivial tasks? Whatever, he was out here with a fellow noble and didn't need to care about anything for the time being - all the tasks they had to fulfill would come pouring in sooner or later and for now he was content with being here, trying to wake up and clawing his way out of bed if he had to. What was this, if not a twisted reality that warped his perception of so many things and what was he, if not a slave to his own desires and his constant overthinking? Could he stay here, so far away from home and survive on his own if the need arose or did he have to crawl to Thria, battered and bruised, and ask so many strangers about that vagrant he called his father? Would they even know? Who even was his father, really?

      What he wasn't expectin was someone like Caelan - not because of his dashing looks, or the fact that Ronan admired him from the bottom of his heart, but because he just got up and took away his only source of heat, his source of warmth that was encompassing him all the time and now that it was gone, he felt like he was missing more than just a piece of himself. Not long after, the world felt like it was tumbling, like his entire body was being forced to do things that weren't something it wanted to do - he stood on his shaking legs without even wanting to. His eyes opened, he rubbed his face and instantly felt embarrassed, konwing fully well that the arm around his waist wasn't there to mock him, but rather help him stand on those two unwilling legs of his. "Too ... fast", he remarked, trying to get rid of the dizziness and hoping that he wouldn't sink to his knees immediately, rather, he tried to get going and made sure Caelan was coming after him, too. "Do you ... even want to ... drink tea?", he asked, sheepishly still and made his way to the kitchen, where he eventually stopped. He hadn't put it into the basement - thank god - but instead, where was it? His hands reached for one of the cupboards, opened it and then, almost absentmindedly, let his hands feel his way around the dusty planks of wood. "There", he pinpointed, fumbled with a small tin box and pulled it out, setting it down on the counter. "It's loose leaves, but that's all I have."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "That's why I'm holding you...", Caelan answered, carrying some of Ronans weight with ease. "You can lean on me if it's easier." Caelan wanted to help and yet he was unsure if he was too fast, if it did bother Ronan, shouldn't that be easier if they were meant for each other, if their meeting really was fate? He didn't know, but it was hard to know what Ronan wanted and needed and Caelan could do nothing more than give his best. He waited for a moment, until Ronan was ready to move his legs. At least he finally had opened his eyes. "You'll have to write me step by step instructions on how to wake you and how to know what you need.", Caelan joked but it would really help, something as easy as that wold not be possible probably though. Ronan got moving on his shaking legs and Caelan was ready to catch the tender body if it was needed, Ronan still didn't look so good and Caelan wondered if every morning went like this. Maybe he should have let him sleep after all.

      "Do you? If you want one, I'll drink one too and don't worry about brewing it, I'll do that, just try to not fall asleep again, alright?", Caelan smiled, taking the tin box out of Ronans hands but setting it aside for now, there was a lot to do before they needed that. "I'll get some wood and water, alright? I'll ready the food too if you want, you can sit down, but if you're closing your eyes for more than five seconds, I'll have no choice but to tickle you again!" Caelan laughed a little, pressed a kiss on Ronans cheek and then made his way to a basket next to the fireplace. He cared about the fire in both rooms, put some more wood in and then went outside to get new firewood from there and also some water from one of the barrels. With that he came back to start boiling the water, that would take a while anyway. "I'll check on the horses real quick, alright?", he asked, already on the way out again to care for fresh water and food for them too. When he came back the water was probably ready.

    • "Ah, fine", Ronan whispered, coming to terms with the fact that he'd been defeated by nothing more than just his own body and that Caelan, who actually should be his opponent, helped him back on his feet that sometimes just didn't seem like they wanted to do anything, just like the rest of his body. "No ... no. I'm ... fine", he remarked, trying to support himself with his arms and hands on some pieces of wood and the blondes arm around his waist. Why was he even trying? He should have stayed in bed - today wasn't his day and it seemed that, whenever he slept together with Caelan, his body was playing russian roulette whether or not he would be able to move just fine the next day. Right now, he'd most likely lost that round, as opposed to yesterday - his low blood pressure seemed horribly confused about what it actually wanted him to do and what not. "I don't ... know myself ... so ... no ...", was he really slipping in and out of that dreamland of his still, or was this all just his very imagination that didn't come together like it should? Ronan was unaware and fairly confused himself, but once he heard that he couldn't go back to sleep, at least tried to wake up some more.

      Caelans touch felt so nice, so warm and yet it wasn't there to be cherished - at least not right now. "I do", the noble croaked and wasn't sure whether or not he was even cut out to be something like a housewife - either way, Caelan was already doing too much and too fast at that and yet, he seemed so energetic, unlike him, who was drained and tired after just a few hours of sleep despite being perfectly fine the night before. "Fine ... I won't ...", he remarked, fearing that he'd be tickled and land on his ass again, feeling grouchy and not all that well in the blondes presence, who tried his best to put up with him regardless of his mood - at least Ronan felt like he was. As his lover wandered around, he'd sat down and took his sweet time to actually wake up a bit more, to force himself awake and as he returned, Ronan was already awake enough to realize his hair was probably a mess. "Take your time", he remarked and as Caelan closed the door behind him, he got up and returned to the counter - he couldn't let the blonde do all of this, so instead, he started preparing breakfast by himself for the two of them.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Ronan wasn't even able to speak properly as it seemed and Caelan wasn't sure if he could remember their exchange right now when he truly was awake. It was almost like Ronan was sleepwalking and had done whatever Caelan had told him to do anyway. "Then I'll keep going with what I think is right... just don't get mad.", he said, he didn't want to have a mad Ronan because he tickled him too much, or not enough. For Caelan the fellow noble was still pretty unpredictable. Well Caelan already was energetic enough to run around, but he had about half an hour headstart, since he didn't wake Ronan right away, though that probably didn't matter. Caelan probably never felt that tired in his life and he wasn't able to imagine how Ronan felt, he pretty much just woke up and went about his day. Sure there were days he didn't want to crawl out of bed, like yesterday, but if he put his mind to it it was easy enough. As soon as he managed to stand up, he was pretty much awake every single time, sometimes it just needed enough convincing to get him to stand up, like the day before.

      The short answers he received from Ronan had to be enough and at least he didn't lie on the table when he came back inside for the first time. Taking care of the horses went rather quick, he just provided them with fresh water and some food. He also briefly checked their well being and patted both before he went back inside only to see Ronan fiddling with some bread. Caelan walked up to him, wrapping his arms around his waist again and resting his head on Ronans shoulder. He watched carefully how Ronan handled a knife in his current state of mind. "Don't cut yourself...", he murmured, but let him continue, while he pressed another kiss on Ronans cheek. "Are you better now? Awake yet?", he asked softly, now kissing his neck a few times ad squeezing his body tenderly. "Or do I have to think of ways to wake you up once and for all?", he asked inbetween the kisses, maybe that would bring Ronans blood to circulation? Though Caelan didn't kiss Ronan just for the nobles sake, he just felt like it anyway, if it helped, good. Maybe he had hoped to wake up like that, but when Ronan wanted to wake up, letting him stay in bed seemed like a bad idea and one that Ronan would not want anyway.

    • He cursed himself for simply being sleepy - but he couldn't do much more than that, except maybe get angry at the high heavens for gifting him with such a frail, useless body that he himself wasn't properly taking care of. "I won't ... really ...", he mumbled, still caught in that little dream bubble of his. The truth was, that he sometimes barely understood what it was that he wanted and often enough just spent hours on end in that bed of his until one of his servants eventually barged in and found out that he'd been awake all along anyway - just not able to move that cage of his, that he sometimes was calling a body. Here, he only had Caelan that he could rely on and the only thing he really could hope for was being woken up by him eventually, even if it would take a while to fully digest what was going on and wake up fully. Here, he was save and Caelan would most likely make sure that he was - always, as it seemed. They both were a match made in hell, but in reality, they'd probably choose someone else if they had a choice - at least Ronan thought that his lover would, but was that the truth?

      Warmth spread throughout his body yet again - what was this? Oh, well, Caelans arms - was he done already? Just how long did he need to cut some slices of bread from this damned loaf? In reality, he was pretty sluggish and everything seemed a bit drowned out, even the words that had been uttered towards him were not easily discernable for him. "I won't", he answered, cutting through the firm piece in one swift strike. Ronan enjoyed the soft kisses, the equally soft words and the fact that he'd been cherished, that he was loved anyway - and that this wasn't just a stupid dream. "I'm fine, you don't have to spook me to get me out of bed ... I just need some time", he answered and put the loaf away, alongside the knife that he could give a good rinse later. Now, they were standing there and before he knew, he was fumbling with the stuff they'd left out yesterday, reaching for the knife again - why did he put it away? "I'm just a bit confused, I think that's all. How are you?", Ronan asked instead, unable to lean into the blondes touch - instead, he cut the ham in slices. Well, Caelan had also spoken of butter, but they didn't have that - or did they bring any?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Having Ronan not getting mad was good, because it seemed Ronan of Alster sometimes had a short temper, even if he talked to someone he admired for so long, though maybe only for Caelans looks. A promise like that wasn't necessarily true either, but Caelan was able to cope with difficult personalities, he had his father nagging and shouting since he could remember, if Ronan got a little mad about something, Caelan was able to just take it and stay calm, after all it was understandable to get mad if ones own body just didn't want to work properly. The blonde didn't know how that felt actually he didn't know anything about Ronan, even the trouble he had with his father wasn't comparable to Ronans problems and though he mostly kept a straight face or even a smile he wasn't as sure about himself and his actions all the time. H just hoped he was good enough for Ronan.

      "I didn't intend to spook you, I've learned waking you up forcefully just makes you mad and it makes your butt hurt.", Caelan purred pressing another kiss to Ronans neck, while he watched him cut the bread, move the knife away and take it again just a few moments later. "I thought of something else to get your body going... and I'm scared that if you'll keep cutting stuff with half opened eyes, you'll hurt yourself in the end." Ronan actually did quite good, but for how long? Had he cut himself in here before when he tried to actually cook after waking up? How did he wake up alone anyway, wasn't that scary? Caelan wasn't one to worry too much and think about things he could never understood, so he stopped his thoughts and instead let one hand wander downwards Ronans body, passing his waistband slowly and just touched him with the fabric of his pants still in between. He let his hand rest there and ignored his own cheeks flashing up just a little bit. "That would be the soft variant of waking you up... would that work?", he asked with a cunning grin on his lips and shorty after softly bit a spot on Ronans neck.

    • Caelan being there for him, being available at all times, felt weird - it was childish to think he was unable to spend all of his time with Caelan, that it was worthy throwing a tantrum over when he'd have to go back to Alster, to the people he belonged too but loathed somewhat. What was this, if not pain? Did he have to entertain himself alone, so far away from Caelan and seek salvation elsewhere when all of this was said and then? Would he even be able to be on his own or was it all just an elaborate hoax that his very own feelings were playing on him? For some reason, his mind was overtaken by the mere thought of his lovers and that there was no chance for him to escape these feelings - or his thoughts. What did he want? Caelan. And what was he getting? Caelan. Ronan didn't need more than that, just wanted to have what he'd gotten anyway - and enjoy the warmth. Maybe he was just too anxious, or even too selfish to be able to relinquish the blonde back to his country, but whatever it was, he wasn't going to give him up all that easily.

      "You tickled me until I fell out of bad, of course I'll be mad!", the noble exclaimed - he was slowly waking up and no, he wouldn't accept any kind of bullshit as an excuse from his body. Right now, he was doing pretty well, he hadn't cut his fingers yet, hadn't bled yet and for now, it was fine, he didn't have an urge to. "You thought of something else? Do tell." Sometimes, his lover was more than he could handle, but enough for him to stomach anyway - they both did mix well, at least for now and they didn't need more for that. "I'll never hurt myself, I'm used to this, trust me", though, that was a lie - he had cut himself plenty times, had bled like there was no tomorrow and yet there never had been scars on those feeble, fragile fingers of his. Instead, all of those scars were around his wrists, on his lower arms and claiming to not have them was a lie. Another one that he spouted, that he fed Caelan like it was the truth. Ronan stopped, just for a second, as he felt the hands of the blonde wander further and further, past the waistband of his pants. The knife was cast aside quickly but surely and his gaze - if it had met with those blue eyes of his lover - would have told him enough. A bite was enough to send a shiver down his spine, to make him wake up just a little bit more. "It most certainly will, but ... do you really want to do this? Right here? Right now?" On an empty stomach?
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • What would Caelan do if he was to go back home, if he had to ride back to Fhaergus and leave Ronan behind, would he be able to do that? He didn't want to miss him for a second, even when he went outside to grab some water or care for the horses he felt like those minutes were wasted because he didn't spend them with Ronan. He never felt like this and he wondered if this was healthy, if this was how it meant to be, or if there was something else entirely wrong with him. He didn't doubt himself for a long time, but now he stood here, a man in his arms which he kissed and wanted to do so much more with, he wasn't normal, he deserved death for what he did and so he doubted every other feeling growing in him as well, if only a little bit. Caelan would never have showed it and he didn't want to talk about it now either, maybe Ronan felt the same though and maybe there was a time to reassure each other that what they did wasn't wrong, that everyone else was, the whole damn world except the snowy country next to theirs, inhabited by the wolvs that seemed to not care at all about who kissed who. Was there even a place for the two of them in this world? Anywhere? Why couldn't they just stay here...

      "Well it woke you up, did it not?", Caelan asked laughing. "I guess for next time you'll just have to learn to defend yourself." Ronan didn't even try last time, he laughed and bent but that was about it. He didn't look as weak as he seemed to think he was and maybe Caelan just pushed him, so he could finally find out what lay behind the facade. If tickling didn't help maybe they got bored in here at some point and they would train together outside, though Ronan seemed to get upset when Caelan showed his strength sometimes. Caelan didn't need to give Ronan an answer, instead his finger or rather their position answered for him and the little bite did the rest. "Well your question tells me you're awake enough now and you rather prepare the food...", Caelan grinned, not entirely sure if Ronan really wanted that, but letting go of him either way. Before he stepped back however he grabbed a slice of bread and some ham Ronan already had cut. He placed the ham on the bread and took a bite, then he strutted away to the fireplace to prepare the tea, the water was boiling after all this time spent differently.

    • They were almost always glued to one another, at least right now and every second spent apart felt like it was a second wasted with trivial stuff that they had time for later. Wouldn't it be nice to be out here, away from everyone and live a domestic life that they wouldn't have if they engaged with society? Surely, nobody would mind if their heirs disappeared for a month or two, or three, or ... no, eventually they'd notice, they'd ask questions and then they'd realize that both Caelan and Ronan were beyond repair. "It did, but you also are taking exceptional care of me, so why wouldn't it?" As long as they lived with one another, they spent so much time together, it felt strange to be without the other, even for just a second to do something else. Now, however, they knew that getting into that bathtub together was a mistake, meanwhile, Ronan seemingly didn't mind getting touched all that early in the morning and he himself knew that he was in a better mood than the day before, which wasn't a bad sign, was it now? "Defend myself from what? You? Are you sure I won't die trying?", he joked and knew exactly that those big, calloused hands would be a snug fit for his throat.

      Ronan wanted to do just more than to prepare some breakfast, to stand around and cut some slices of bread, some ham and then worry about where the hell he'd get butter from - he wanted to do something more fun, lest his stomach would force him to throw up anyway. "And what if I want more? You're so mean, Caelan", he almost whined and then continued with his task at hand - only to get a piece of bread and some ham stolen from him. "And here I thought you had table manners!", the young noble laughed audibly and then just did the same as he put the knife aside, leaned against the counter and watched the blonde get the kettle with the hot water so they could finally cook those tea leaves. Almost on command, and with the piece of bread only supported by his teeth, he grabbed the tin box from earlier and then looked through some of the drawers, trying to locate a tea strainer - where was this thing? Well, right here - and Ronan grabbed it, searched for another spoon and then started putting in the loose leaves into the strainer. "I mean, this should work", he answered, slice of bread still in his mouth. Had Caelan seen his teeth? Hopefully not - and as if he was still able to hide anything, he suddenly raised his hand to his mouth to hide all of those teeth of his.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Yes me. I won't kill you idiot and I won't let you die otherwise either.", Caelans answered with a smile, no he wouldn't let anyone harm Ronan anymore, at least that was what he wanted to promise him, but how could he defend him from Darragh of Alster, Duke and nobleman higher in rank than Caelan himself and having the same title as his own father? Even if it was enough for him sticking around or Ronan visiting Fhaergus with events to get away in between, Caelan couldn't stay by his side all the time, that was impossible, so there was nothing he could do. Helplessness was something he really hated and something he didn't know how to deal with, something that wasn't fixable drove him mad and the more he thought about the problem at hand the less of an answer he got. He wanted to promise Ronan so many things but he could not stay true to any of it, there was nothing he was able to do, nothing at all. Being the son of a duke was useless in the end and all they both could do was wait for inheriting their fathers titles.

      "If you want more, you only need to tell me...", Caelan answered with a sly grin, he wanted more as well but he wasn't sure if he wasn't the one being to eager all the time. Caelan took the kettle from the fireplace almost burning his fingers but saving Ronan the trouble. He searched for something to put the kettle on, so he wouldn't ruin Ronans table and found something already there. Ronan prepared the leafs meanwhile and Caelan kept eating his bread which he held in between his own teeth for a while and occasionally took a bite. "I have manners but I chose to ignore them.", Caelan laughed watching Ronan finishing up the brewing process and soon enough they'd have their tea for breakfast. Sitting at the table he waited for Ronan to sit down as well and took a look out the window. It snowed quite a bit last night but it had stopped now apparently, still Caelan wasn't sure if he wanted to go outside today or if he'd rather spent time with Ronan in here. "What's the plan for today?", he asked smiling, watching Ronan with tilted head as he suddenly moved his han to his mouth as if he had to save that bread. "Don't drop your food, would be a waste."

    • "Then I don't have to put all that much effort into it, you know? I've got nothing to fear", Ronan laughed, knowing fully well that maybe he should keep that pretty mouth of his shut and let Caelan do the talking instead - or at least let his fellow noble run his mouth, although, he could put that to good use elsewhere too. Silence would befall them shortly if they did nothing, but being alone with his thoughts while being around someone he genuinely care about wasn't necessarily bad. Truth be told, Ronan knew so little about so many thing that - in the end - maybe he deserved to be punished by Darragh and one might assume that, maybe, he did good to just avoid any kind of controversies if he kept talking about him. The endless cycle of abuse and depression wouldn't end, because one led to the other and if his father saw the marks on his wrists again, he'd most certainly not care why they existed, but scold him for bringing them into existence - frankly, Darragh didn't care for him as a person, but rather as the son he wanted to have - that Ronan wasn't. Who was he, if not a liar, if he wasn't admitting that his father only wanted to mold him in his image?

      "Eat first, you'll need that mouth of yours later - I'll give you, lets call it, a grace period until I start making demands", he chuckled - his lover wouldn't have the upper hand in this conversation, not as long as he had a say in it anyway. Truth be told however, whatever he would try would be leading to consequences one way ore another - maybe that was why he was wolfing down that bread of his in no time, or maybe even because he wanted to enjoy a nice cup of tea without having other things to do. Or maybe, just maybe, he wanted to eat some more to prove to himself that one slice of bread wasn't enough, that he could eat as much as Caelan and that he ... actually was already full. "Seems like I haven't trained my puppy well, huh", Ronan remarked with a smile on his lips, now visibile again since he already had taken care of the bread. Waltzing back to the small kitchen, he swiftly grabbed two cups from the cupboard and brought them over to where the hot water stood and the tea was, in return, brewing. Then, he sat down next to the blonde and stared outside. "Nothing much, but whatever you want to do, really - I mean, I could show you what's around here, but there's nothing much except some crooked trees and holes in the ground." Out here was nothing, not even one, single interesting thing. "I wouldn't dare", he quickly answered and then leaned back. What should they do out here? Read? That felt like a waste of time. "I mean, you also could fulfill that wish of mine ..."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • "Well of course you do! Hurting your butt for example!", Caelan retaliated laughing, truth was if Ronan started to fight back, he probably wouldn't want to put all his strength into it, but then again Ronan would be mad for letting him win. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to play games of pure strength as much as games that relied on wits, though Caelan was generally speaking a good loser, he wasn't sour in the slightest usually, after all this were only a bunch of games they played. If he didn't ant to make Ronan mad he should probably drop the topic of his butt already, but he was allowed to have one thing to tease him with, wasn't he? Why he did it? He didn't know and didn't care, he wasn't able to explain most of the things he did and said he just did it and lived with the consequences. He doubted Ronan was like him in that regard but maybe that wasn't a bad thing, if he'd be this would only end like the weird relationship between Caelan and Cameron which led to most of his scars, he wouldn't want that for Ronan and himself, doing stupid and reckless thing wasn't Ronans thing and it should not get a habit, Caelan was the only stupid thing Ronan should be allowed to have.

      "Mh... well alright? That sounds... intriguing!", Caelan laughed, his bread already gone and after all he stood up again to get the rest to the table and nibble on some more. He kept eating while Ronan was done already again as it seemed, but well, he didn't mind eating alone and just staring outside the window with Ronan. "Oh yeah? And what are you to do about that? Punish me? That wouldn't be fair, maybe I just lost my manners because I always get promised rewards and have received none so far.", Caelan answered, moving his chair a little bit closer and suddenly letting his head rest on Ronans shoulder. Just watching... yes this was fine after all, as long as h could feel him near him... that let his thoughts to another topic though. "Does it sound stupid if I'd like to settle in here first? I'm usually not one for that but we only got here and I'd like to spend time with you inside... I'll fulfill your wish, after all I owe you that one after you were a good kitten to fulfill mine already. If that doesn't take all day I'd like to do whatever you usually do in here, read or just stare out the window, I don't know. We could watch the stars when it gets dark that was one thing we wanted to right? And tomorrow we can go outside, stroll around and maybe hunt us some food, we have enough left for today anyway.", he proposed and pretty much spoke his mind like he always did, without keeping anything to himself.

    • "That's what you say!", the noble remarked pretty much immediately. Caelan could be right - maybe he should watch out for his ass and not fall straight onto it next time, feeling stinging pain for half of the day just because he'd fallen right out of bed and onto it. Tickling him when he was to wake up wasn't a good idea and it seemed that the blonde had learned his lesson - which, in all actuality, was something that Ronan didn't mind at all. He knew his boundaries well enough and that was, as one might guess, just fine. Everyone did things at their own pace, needed much more time than they initially proposed and maybe, just maybe, that was the key to victory. He'd end up crawling out of his own shadow, defying his father fully at some point and even if that meant he'd have to slay him, he would. For one, he didn't mind the gruesome thoughts that came to him when he thought about Darraghs unlikely demise - most likely because he'd seen so much and already had suffered as much, had suffered at the hands of his father. All of the scars he could find on this smooth and silky soft skin of his were nothing more than invisible to the naked eye, but they were there, carved deep into his body.

      "Does it now? Do you really think you want me to make demands?" Not only did he have bad temper, but he could be bossy and one of these days, he'd probably wind up hurting the blonde, one way or another, just because he tried to do something that pissed him off, wasn't it? "Hm, what kind of reward would you like, puppy? I'll have to start working on your manners somewhere and tying you to a chair seems out of question right now", first things first however, he'd have to comb that hair of his eventually, maybe even after he'd drank that tea that was currently brewing. After that, they could do whatever they wanted - lazing around didn't seem like a bad option, let alone something he wouldn't enjoy - he could cuddle up to Caelan and maybe even try decyphering one of those thrian books he had. Most of them were easily understandable, but as soon as it got somewhat poetic, it gave him a headache. "Fine, that's actually not ... bad? You can settle in and relax a bit and we'll see what the day brings, though, I'm afraid you wouldn't want to know what I normally do out here. Also, the sun is only rising and you're already talking about stargazing? Bold. But I'm not opposed to it, so sure, why not?" Caelan coming so close, leaning onto him, felt great - he felt loved, needed and his lips curled upward into a firm smile. Today was going to be a nice day.
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.

    • Would it be hard for Ronan to try to fend off Caelan or did he as always make himself smaller than he was? Maybe he wasn't as weak and tickling was just his weakness, but now Caelans thought were stupid again and a smirk wound up in his face, because he had to shak his head because of his own thoughts. Whatever it was, however strong or weak Ronan was it didn't matter. Caelan could train with him if he wanted to get stronger and if he already was more powerful than Caelan, he'd still try to protect him. He planned on always protecting him, even against his father or the king if it needed be and he didn't care how weak he himself was. Even if his arms and legs were broken, he'd still try to fend off any harm directed at Ronan, although he only met him a few days ago. Wll, his thoughts turned into some dark place right now, but it was the truth, was this what love was? Or was it just some crush that would soon be over and only let him feel like this for a brief moment?

      "Well your wish is due, so I don't have much of a choice.", Caelan answered and truth be told, he didn't care. Ronan wasn't all too comfortable with Caelans wish, but he didn't complain even a second, he didn't even try to make Caelan wish for something else, so why would he do that now? He'll just see what Ronan wanted and how it went, it was as easy as that and - though he didn't think it would be a problem - he was pretty sure that if he wanted to stop, Ronan would comply and let him. "What kind of reward? Am I to choose? Hm.. I'd have to think about that but anything is fine really.", Caelan answered with a smile. "I didn't say anything about relaxing, if that isn't what you want to do.", Caelan grinned and moved his head up again, looing at Ronan now. "Why would I not want to know?", he asked kind of curious now, maybe this was only a phrase he liked to say though. Not that his stomach was full he cared about the tea and filled each of them a cup. He took his own in both hands and tried to cool it off a little before he took a sip. "Mhh... that's tasty, what's that?"

    • He wasn't trusting himself all that much, despite the fact that he should be - he wanted to beat Caelan in the next tournament, not expose all of his weaknesses to him and yet, as truth be told, they wouldn't even find a way to. In reality, they could do whatever they wanted, however much they wanted, they'd only find themselves back in this cabin sometime later this year if all things went well - and as much as Ronan wanted that, they couldn't exactly abuse this option either. If they took too many trips out here and didn't at least try to properly disguise them, at some point, one of the locals or worse - their fathers - would question what they were doing out here and if it was of any importance whatsoever. Right now, they were inseperable but at some point, Caelan had to go home and Ronan was left to decide whether or not he'd stay out here for a few days or if he'd go home as well, just accepting the pain he was about to feel. "Did you think you had much of a choice to begin with or are you just talking to yourself?", he jokingly asked, trying to take his mind off of their limited time together.

      "If you don't want to fulfill that wish, you can always ask me to stop - I hope you do know that", Ronan reassured the blonde one last time. Technically speaking, there wasn't much for them to do anyway, unless they'd try and worm their way out of them. He'd get some rope from the basement, have Caelan get rid of some pesky layers of clothes and then have him kneel on the floor, tie him up and eventually he wou- no. That was a thought for another day and not for now, at least not this early. "I'm not complaining, really. It does sound enjoyable, I'm not opposed to it", he corrected his lover and smiled again. There was no doubt that he was fully awake, but truth be told, all of this still felt like an elaborate dream that he'd soon wake up from. But what came after that? The truth? "It's nothing nice, I can tell you that much." It was a sin on its own and evidence for said sin were hidden all around the place, one only had to search for the bloodied bedsheets or one of the - by now - rusted knives that had found their place elsewhere. Not only Caelans touch did wonders to him and took his mind of the subject, the tea also helped - even if he had just nibbed at his cup and took a small sip. "Black tea, made from camellia leaves. I can't tell you what kind, I dragged this tin box out here some odd years ago."
      Looking back, it maybe is like the toy carts you rode when you were a kid. But those toy carts could never go beyond the walls of the lawn. We want to follow the rugged concrete road beyond the wall. As we've grown, we've decided to leave behind the toy cart.