[2er RPG] The Shepherd [ENG]

"You can hold his hand, yes. But don't try to wake him. It wouldn't work.and coud do more damage than we want."
The doctor watched closely. She had to carefully wake Marcus up as soon as the memory unfolded. Timing was of the essence.
It took Marcus a couple more minutes of struggle until he calmed down again. Dr. Rosemary went over to him and talked to him in a soothing voice. When she touched his forehead with a finger, he opened his eyes and sat right up. The panic of the dream was back. Instinctively he reached out for Logan and clung to him as if his life depended on it. Marcus needed his time to find his way back into reality and calm down but Logan helped just by being there.

Logan nodded and carefully reached for Marcus hand. He only pressed it softly at first, but Marcus although asleep grabbed his hand with an intensity and strength that the ex-soldiers hand began to hurt. But he didn't mind, he just looked at Marcus, although he didn't want to and watched him living through whatever he was experiencing. Wasn't a second asleep in the waking world like a lot of time in a dream? How long was he experiencing time right now?
Marcus heavy breathing slowly got lighter again, Logan prepared for him to wake up, when Dr. Rosemary walked over to him. Logan controlled his heart beating, got it slower again and as soon as Marcus woke up, he grabbed him. Marcus never clung to him like that, Logan just put his arms around him and pressed him hard against his chest. He knew this had a helping effect on most people.
"Shhh... you are safe now...", he whispered calmly. "I'm here..." Logan wasn't sure f Marcus could even hear or understand what Logan was saying, but he continued talking with him calmly, while holding him as tight as he could.

A few minutes passed until Marcus managed to calm down and be present again.
"You know we have to talk about your dream", said Dr. Rosemary slowl, "do you want Logan to listen?"
Marcus nodded and forced himself to let go of his boyfriend. Well, at least a bit. He still held Logans hand.
"I...", Marcus started, his voice cracked, "It was the day my parents got murdered. I was sitting downstairs, in the livingroom. I refused to go to bed until my dad came home from his shift. It was a friday so my mom was okay with it. I sat next to the coffeetable on the ground and drew something. Dad came home and I ran up to him, hugged him. He wanted to see what I was doing. I drew him as a superhero. I would do that all the time. He said, he would bring me to bed. I ran upstairs in my room and waited for him. It was so... peaceful. I think they... they put some kind of insulation around my room. The stuff to make something soundproof, you know?"
He needed a second to think. The memories were new and at same time old. It was difficult to navigate.
"My dad told me one of his stories. Insane stories, like in a comic. I loved it. He left the room, I fell asleep. I don't know how much time passed but in the middle of the night, my mome woke me up. She looked scared and told me to hide. She knew that I had this one hidingspot in the house where noone ever found me. She said, I should go there until ahe or my dad called out for me. So I did. I didn't know where she went but I went into the bathroom, climbed out the window and up on the roof. We had an inaccessible attic where all the plumbing was. I managed to crack oben the small window an the side and used it as a hiding spot ever since. I opened the window and got in. I hid behind the warm water boiler thing. And then I heard the screams..."
Marcus started shaking.
"First, my dad. When he was quiet, I heard my mom. I always liked the silence. But when the screams stopped... I whished they hadn't. I stayed hidden, like my mom had told me. But they didn't call out for me. I don't know how much time passed but I heard steps. I heard someone enter the bathroom. Someone climbing up to me. Someone entering the attic. I closed my eyes. He talked to me. He sat right in front of me. He smiled. He said, that I should not be scared of him. That he would keep me save. He said, I should stay here and be quiet until I heard them leaving. Then I should look out the window and make sure that a black minivan is gone, count slowly to sixty and then go back down and call the police. He let me repeat all of that and left. I did what he said. I waited. I looked for the car. I got back down. But I didn't call the police. I couldn't. When I got downstairs, I saw them."
Tears started running down Marcus' face.
"My parents... they had dismembered them. It looked like a giant puzzle of bodyparts. Like puppets picked apart. I couldn't move. I think, I... I think I sat there for two days. Our neighbours came by to check on us. They were worried. They looked through the window and called the cops..."
He leaned agains Logan. He was exhausted and telling the story again made it worse. But now he remembered.
"Who talked to you up there, Marcus?", Dr. Rosemary wanted to know.
"It was Francis. My brother."

Logan slowly let go of Marcus. Then he listened, leaning forward a bit to not reveal his face. Actually, he didn't want to know, but he listened anyway. Marcus story was... unbelievably sad, although sad wasn't enough to describe that. Logan stopped himself trying to understand or imagining himself in that situation. He mustn't, he could not work just as Marcus needed him to if he was.
The beginning of Marcus story, his happy life before all that happened was especially hard.
Marcus started shaking and Logan put his second hand on top of Marcus'. It was hard for him, of course it was. And he couldn't ever forget the screaming and what he saw there.
He heard Marcus starting to cry then he leaned against Logan and he put his arm around Marcus again. How could any father do such a thing to his own son? And what had he made Francis do? it wasn't really fair hating Marcus brother for who he was, knowing what monster raised him in the first place. Logan swallowed the anger again... he needed to be calm. Logan knew what Marcus father had done, but now he understood why Marcus was so eager to catch him and why he wouldn't let go and leave it to Logan, or Andrew, or anyone else. He understood why Marcus wanted to make sure they'd catch him. He felt bad for being angry about it.
Logan slowly stroked Marcus back to calm him down, but kept quiet. He couldn't possibly say anything and he didn't want to disturb whatever Dr. Rosemary was doing.

Dr. Rosemary nodded. She wrote something down, her own notes to the patient that was Marcus.
"Okay. I want you to go home an rest. Relax your mind, however you see fit. I suggest to take one of the pills. I know you don't like it, but it will prevent you from dreaming. When you think you're ready, call me and we talk about it. Work on it. But for now, you need to sort the things you learned out."
She got up and opened the door for the two.
"Hey Dylan", she greated the boy again, "We're done in here now. Take your dads home, will you? And if something comes up, you can call at anytime."

Marcus actually... felt better. Now that he knew, what happend he... his mind felt clearer. And he most definatly wanted to talk to his brother. Why didn't he say something? And more important: Why did save Marcus? There were a buch of questions in Marcus' head. But for now, he wanted to rest.
"How about we order food today? Pizza?"
"Yeah! I want Pizza!", Dylan shouted from the backseat.
Marcus looked over at Logan. Something happend while he was out, but he didn't wanna talk about it right now. Not while Dylan was around. Maybe later, when the kid was sleeping. But Marcus felt better and he would do everything to keep it that way. And hey: maybe they found a way to deal with his sleeping issues.
"Do you think, wie could insulate our bedroom with that soundproof stuff?", he asked out of the blue, "It's just an idea..."

Logan looked at the piece of paper Dr. Rosemary wrote on, he couldn't see it from here and he was interested in what she was writing down. Then, she sent them home. Something Logan didn't see coming that fast, but it was fine with him. He didn't like this room very much.
Logan got up with Marcus, still holding his hand, then they went to the door. Marcus looked better, at least better then when they came here. It was a good decision coming here. He was here again... for now. They'd see how long it lasted.

They sat in the car, Logan drove as always. Marcus and Dylan decided on Pizza, Logan smiled. "Pizza it is.", he nodded, "I guess you two take the usual then?" They always ate the same Pizza, even when they first ordered, without talking to eachother about it. They were so similar. He shortly looked at Dylan through the mirror then looked at Marcus for a second.
"Sure thing. Maybe some soundproof stuff with egg crates on top. It doesn't fit our interior and we have to eat lots of pancakes and omelettes, but why not? Gives me a chance to learn how to actually make pancakes that doesn't taste like...", he stopped himself and searched for a more fitting word with a child on the backseat.
"Shit?", Dylan asked to help Logan. Logan couldn't help but laugh. It felt good.

"Where did you learn that from now?", Marcus asked, looking over his shoulder to his son who was smiling.
Dylan knew he wasn't supposed to say stuff like this but he thought it was funny.
"My old babysitter. She wasn't really good at not cursing when she thought I wasn't around."
"I really should talk to that girl...", Marcus sighed.
For now, he let that one slip but the next time wouldn't be that easy to get through. Dylan was seven, he shouldn't talk like this.
"And just for the record: Your pencakes aren't THAT bad. They... just need some adjustments, that's it. I had years to perfect them", Marcus added, "and for the bedroom we could just ask someone who knows whar he's doing. I would like to still have a bedroom and not a paper trashbin and a heartattack from all the eggs."

"He just was saying out loud what I was thinking.", Logan smiled defending Dylan a little bit. "You should have heard Leila when she was his age... she'd always blabber after me what I was saying, without even knowing what she was saying. It was kinda funny...but...", Logan looked at Dylan again through the mirror. "Your dad is right, curses are bad and only stupid adults use them, when they can't articulate right."
"Artiwhat?", Dylan asked.
"Maybe we should buy you a dictionary so you can learn how to talk as sophisticated as I am.", Logan grinned and Dylan looked like he wasn't sure if Logan just made words up. One could never know with him and Dylan learned that the hard way. He sought help from his father.
Logan looked at Marcus too. "Yeah sounds better then my plan although I like some do-it-yourself work. Guess I have more time for these adjustments then."

Marcus didn't replie to the hel seeking look of his son. He just smiled and shrugged as if he wanted to say 'you need to find out yourself what those words mean'.
"You can still do it yourself. But if we ask first, we know what else to use and where to get it. We could actually make a family thing out of it. What do you think, kiddo? You wanna help renovate our bedroom so your dad can get some sleep?"
Dylan nodded wildly. He loved building stuff, even if he had no idea what he was gonna do.

For a while, it was quiet in the car. Dylan tried to figure out what Logan said and if he just talked jibberish. Marcus was looking out the window, making a list of things he wanted to ask his brother and what they needed to do in the near future. Gorcery shopping was on that list as well. There was a lot going on in Marcus' head, but it was different than the last days. It was as if Dr. Rosemary somehow managed to reset him to previous point of his mental decaying. And by doing that, she may have found him a way to slow it down even further.

Logan grinned inside but didn't show how funny he found Dylans face right now. They decided on building the soundproof bedroom together and it was actually something Logan looked forward to. With his bike being finished he needed something knew to hammer and screw.

The rest of the drive was quiet but it wasn't far to home anyway. Logan parked the car in the garage and they got inside.
"I'll order the pizza.", Logan smiled. Dylan nodded. "Can I watch some TV?", he asked he also seemed less scared now. Maybe because he felt his father felt better too. "Maybe you and your dad could decide on a dinner movie?", Logan proposed, Dylan nodded again, while Logan got his phone and ordered at their favorite Pizza Restaurant.
"15 minutes!", he informed them when he hung up again.

Dylan and Marcus didn't even had to talk about the movie. In unison they said: "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!"
It was funny how good they knew each other. From the first minute on it was like as if they shared a connection far deeper than just some genes. Almost... psychic.
Dylan rushed upstairs to get some comfy clothes and his favorite stuffed animal, Marcus started the TV. Dylan was still upstairs when Marcus went over to Logan and just hugged him.
"Thank you", he mumbled on the soldiers shoulder, "I don't know how I should do this without you. Thank you, for being there."

Logan found the connection Dylan and Marcus had somewhat creepy at times. Funny creepy. After the boy went upstairs to get movie-ready, Marcus came over and hugged Logan.
"Well you don't need to thank me. We are not married...", he made a pause, "yet." It was more a joke than being serious, as he had heard again today, they didn't know eachother for a long time. They seemed to work together most of the time. Just like now again, but not always. Logan didn't exactly want to handle all this, but he wanted to be with Marcus. And although some or most of this shit got to him too, he could recharge his energy in a second, just seeing his family happy again and being stupid and funny helped too. "But still, it doesn't matter if we have happy times, unhappy times, or insanely crazy times, I'll be here for you. For you and Dylan." He smiled, gave Marcus a short kiss and then he slapped his ass playfully. "And now make yourself useful and get some comfy blankets we can cuddle under, then you should change too. And I'm preparing something to drink. What about some tee? Or hot chocolate?"

Marcus chuckled when Logan slapped him.
"We just had chocolate. If you want the seven year old to sleep tonight, you might wanna make some tea."
He kissed Logan again, then he followed his commands and got upstairs. In his favorite pyjama and with a couple of blankets over his shoulder, he joind his two boys downstairs again. Dylan already sat on the couch and played around with the remote to find the right movie. Marcus threw the blanket over his head.
"Make some room, little one. There are two more people who need to fit on that couch."

"Tea then.", Logan smiled and prepared some hot water. He put Marcus and Dylans favorite Teabag inside a big teapot and poured the water on top as soon as it was hot. He put three mugs on the table and the can too. Then he brought some honey, mostly for himself, he liked it extra sweet. Marcus was ready too.
"I'm gonna change too, just another second.", he smiled and went upstairs to get in some comfy clothes too. When he came back down the doorbell rang and Logan opened up to get the pizza. "No plates today", he smiled after closing the door and putting the pizza boxes on the table. Then he sat down too, finally.
"I think we are ready to go, aren't we?"

Even though Marcus said, there had to be room for two grown-ups on the couch, he sat next to the coffee-table as usual. Le leaned back against the couch and started the movie.
Life was crazy right now. Everything hadhappened within just a couple of months and on top of that, Marcus' brain was filled with all the wrong thoughts. He needed to sort stuff out. He knew that. But right now, he wanted to simply enjoy his crazy new family. He wanted to enjoy the little peace he had right now. Because he knew, that it wouldn't stay this peaceful for very long.

After Voldemort was alive again and Ceric whatever his name was had died, Marcus got up and squeezed inbetween his boys.
"Come here", he said, wrapped his arms around them and just hugged them intensely. He wanted to keep them close, as close as he possibly could. He loved them. They were a part of him.

Logan usually was bored watching a movie with Marcus an Dylan. He always had to be quiet and just watch, he wasn't the sitting still type. After he had eaten he prepared for the worst, but he wasn't bored. He just was glad sitting there and drift of into the Harry Potter universe.
When the film was almost over Marcus got up to them, hugging. Logan was a little bit surprised but he was glad he came up to them. He leaned his head against Marcus shoulder, somehwat tired. A break felt good.
Dylan cuddled his father from the other side without complaining that the film wasn't over yet and they shouldn't disturb him. "You could have had that from the start...", Logan whispered.

"Shut up. You're ruining the moment", Marcus replied.
He held them just a little bit longer, then he let go.
"So. You wanna go to school tomorrow? I give you two more days off, if you like."
Dylan thought about it for a moment. Marcus watched him closely.
"I wanna go", the boy then said."
"Okay. Then off to bed with you, little wizard."
"I'm seven, dad. I get my letter in four years. I'm not yet a wizard."
Dylan got up and went upstairs. Marcus followed him with his eyes and stared at the staircase for a second. It looked completely different than the one he had as a child, but...
He shook his head to get out of it and grabbed Logans hand, kissed his knuckles.
"This is gonna be hard, isn't it?"

Logan shut up and cuddled a little while longer. After that, Marcus sent Dylan to bed. It was good for the boy to go to school and focus on something other then home and he wasn't there if something was to happen. Logan couldn't say how the following days would turn out.
Marcus grabbed his hand and Logan smiled at him. "The night is darkest before the dawn.", he cited, looking at him.
"It's gonna be alright. You're gonna be alright. Just do what you need to do. I'll take care of you and Dylan meanwhile." Then he slowly started to grab the pizza boxes and clean up a little.

"But it's not fair. You shouldn't need to do that. You didn't sign up for this. I'm sorry. But I'm incredibly thankful that you're staying. I mean... I get if you wanna run away."
Marcus sighed and helped Logan. He brought the blankets back upstairs, then he helped Dylan getting ready for bed. He talked a bit with his boy before they did their usual rituals.
Back downstairs, Marcusjust hugged Logan from behind.
"I know you don't like him. But I need to talk to my brother. I need to know why he did what he did. Why he let me hide instead of handing me to our father. God knows how fathers punishment looked like because he didn't find me..."

"I don't wanna run away.", Logan assured Marcus, although he sometimes wanted. But not forever. They cleaned up and Logan finished everything up, while Marcus brought Dylan to bed. Afterwards he came downstairs again and Logan got another hug. Marcus was more clingy today then usual.
"I know that you have to. And I know he won't hurt you, so I'm okay with it. I'm not stopping you.", Logan replied stroking over one of Marcus hands. "You are brothers and you both care for each other. I get it."