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The murmurs and whispers of his friend were hard to drown out when it was all he could focus on. Josiah knew that Lous voice would stick with him, stay with him and make him feel plenty of different things, but time and time again, there were moments where he had to swallow a bitter pill and realize that neither of them had been kids in a while; they were adults now, and as much as he had wished he'd grow up years ago, he now wished he never did, or maybe that Louis never did. Whatever the case,…

Jos wanted to sleep, for one, but for the other, he'd be content with simply falling out of the rafter right now. If he were to fall asleep, at any given point, he'd probably have to set himself straight for it, and yet, he simply could not help it. Was it because both of them had changed so much, or was it because neither of them wanted to admit that they had changed so much more than they should? Figurately, maybe Lou was right - maybe they both were too much for each other, or too adult to st…

None of this was enough - neither one of them was enough, and in fact, none of these explanations were enough for him either. If anything, Josiah had more questions than answers now, and all of them were scalding hot, burning into his tongue as he clicked it and asked himself if both of them had, at some point in their lives, considered that two goats had birthed them instead of a set of human parents - they were equally as stubborn as those things, butting heads over everything, and while Lou s…

In times of sadness, having a smile and infectious laughter was important. However, currently, it was anything but that - Josiahs emotions fluctuated and he wasn’t sure what of this was just an act and what wasn’t; how much he could do for his friend and what little there was he simply could not. Would it suffice to make him giggle, or was it more than enough to turn him into a slightly humorous pile of something? As Josiah wondered about that, his own act was still a questionable one, but even …

"I never will!", Josiah grumbled, all too aware that this wasn't the answer someone like Louis wanted to hear. No matter the circumstances, those two would always behave like a pair of conjoined twins, or at least one of them would act like that was what they were, without giving the other room to breathe - it was Lous own fault that he came here tonight, to someone that had desperately waited for him to finally talk with him after what felt like forever, and Jo couldn't help but be an idiot abo…

Josiah had many more questions than he had answers for, but one glance at Louis told him that he wouldn't find out anything - he was like a lockbox, but without, well, a lock or a key in the first place; a wooden cube, sealed tightly, with an indent showing that it was to be opened, and yet, because of the mechanism inside, nobody could get in. As much as he wished for himself to be smarter than that, Josiah knew he wasn't, knew that if anyone, it was Louis who had always been the fastidious and…

Once it was time to sleep, the two of them could just shut their mouths and descend into a fit of smothering warmth, keeping each other aloft in one anothers arms and tucking each other in - there was no security in this world, no hopeless daydreaming needed to imagine the weirdest things of all. If they needed something, they had it, mostly for their shows, but even then, that neither meant that it was truly theirs, nor, that it was actually bought for them. As Josiah thought about it, his gaze…

Sending kids to the chopping block had never been his intention, and yet, without fail, he continued to do so, may it be what it was - not once did he stop to consider that his actions set more than just him up for failure, that it hurt others, that it terrorized those who couldn't do anything but watch in horror as he attempted his very best to fit in or make those who couldn't fit in seek out a place like this one. In a circus, not a single soul needed to be part of a grander scheme, they just…

To this day, gauging all of this was more of a hassle to him than an annoyance. His best friend was lost in the fire that day, not having made it out alive, he was plenty sure of it, but then again, if that were the truth, he'd be staring at a clone of the man that had pulled him out of there; something that he couldn't believe to be real, or something that a simple trick of the light would pull off. His eyelids were heavy, surely, but that didn't mean that Louis had become some sort of light be…

"Maybe. Or maybe they couldn't keep us. You never know.", Josiah replied, seeing the whole bit in a slightly more optimistic light. Surely, there was an answer for everything that the two of them were asking one another, but surely, there was no telling what actually went down. As much as either of them deserved to be happy, and as dire as their situation sometimes seemed, as plausible was it to understand that, no matter what, any kind of interest they harbored in their past would change too mu…

"See? Me neither. And the curious thing about that is, well, uhm, where are our parents, if we even had any to begin with?", he questioned with a sigh, although he already knew the answer, which had been burief deep within his chest. Josiah doubted he'd ever had any, but at the same time, someone like him just didn't hatch from an egg at the side of the road, or perhaps fell from the sky, right into their bosses arms - in the end, it mattered little, because the circus was all their life had for…

"Because we were sort of adopted by him, no? I mean, he raised us, and besides that, who wouldn't want to make their parent proud?", Josiah threw in. There was no harm done in impressing a strange person one viewed as their parental figure, and yet, neither of them had ever stopped to consider just how much had changed between them and the world around them. Neither of them could make sense of what was happening to those kids that didn't stay, could they now? It all fell apart in the same corpse…

"They're just kids. Remember when we spent hour after hour talking to each other at night? I say we let them have some fun - not every single day, but at the very least every once in a while.", he chuckled, knowing well enough that he wasn't going to suddenly and indefinitely change how some people thought. Louis was more practical, he figured, and Josiah understood why he wanted something done, right then and there. Was there any use arguing? He figured not, lest they'd break out in one of thei…

The tides of times would change nevermore and they'd have to realize that everything was out to get them out there, but as long as they stayed with the ringmaster, there was nothing they needed to fear. Whether or not they condoned it, Josiah wasn't sure, but he knew that - even if he left tomorrow - no harm would befall the rest of the crew, given that Louis stayed with them and possibly even filled his shoes. "What if she gets to the kids? That wouldn't work, and besides, I'd want a good night…

"Soo, we have to catch more mice for her. How about it? You, me and a broom.", he suggested. They had enough traps laid out, and even when they caught one, it always did depend on if it was a simple trap or if it had eaten some sort of chemicals that were tossed around on purpose - feeding an expensive snake a poisoned carcass was besides the point anyway, and worse yet, they couldn't really afford to lose her, could they now? Even still, Josiah relaxed his entire stance as he sat back on the ta…

"More about the mice, then? I mean, I'm pretty sure Constance eats them all anyway, but then again, she is one lazy snake sometimes.", Josiah admitted. Constance was one of their snakes, kept in a cage, maybe not fitting for her size, but she rarely complained, except maybe when somebody tried to manhandle her, shortly after she had her own fill of food. To him, these things weren't expensive status symbols or something like that, they were colleagues that just kept to themselves and were rather…

The two of them had gotten along splendidly all their life, but now that they were all grown, maybe there were more disagreements than there should have been, especially after what had happened. Josiah was the one that blamed himself in every way, and he had to admit that he could have simply ran, or shoved Louis out of there, and maybe … no, that train had left the station years ago and any kind of regret was misplaced, especially here and now, when nothing that the two of them did would make a…

Today wasn’t even a particularly bad day; there were worse days than this one, there were gloomy and rainy evenings with loud, thudding thunder that made him almost quiver in fear himself as he helped the kids get over their own feelings - there were whispering winds at night that dragged words to his deaf ears that were never meant to be heard, and sometimes, like tonight, the full moon felt like it was staring down at him, directly into his form and challenging him to be someone he wasn’t, to …

"Alright, alright you roustabouts! Get into bed and I'll tell you a story!", Josiah giggled and waited for all of them to calm down and crawl into their respective beds; their equipment wasn't exactly the latest, or the best, but even the beds held up fine and the kids weren't going to sleep on the cold, hard floor - they had worked on a solution for that one. As every single one them would flock to him regardless, he waited until they had clawed their own ways into their beds, had draped their …

Some things would never change and as much as Josiah was in love with himself, as much did he care for Louis - someone that had forsaken all those things not too long ago; he'd come around, he'd figured, but by now, he figured he'd have to gently sit this guy down and actually talk to him. Then again, maybe he shouldn't push him. What was it that he supposed to do, then? Many more questions swamped his mind, some smarter than the others, and few of them actually discernable from the broken rest …