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Eerie silence had fallen over the circus not too long after he left Louis, hammering home what he'd been told - don't talk to Roy, and that, he kept to, for the next day, when he tried to make sure he didn't really talk about anything regarding the incident. Spending his time idling wasn't fun, but he knew that if he let himself get caught up in those feelings of his, someone else would get worried and it would set of an unnecessary chain of events that he would do best to avoid; restocking day …

That was ... about it, wasn't it? Josiah was nobody anyone wanted to be around of, and Louis was no different than all of them in the long run. It hurt, but he was doing the wrong thing here, seeking him out and forcing him to spend time with him. Wasn't this always the same thing over and over again? "I do, but it's no use arguing about the same old again and again.", he lamented, aware that, if not now, they'd at least break out into a fight later, if they kept talking, and that was something …

"Promise?", Jo asked once more, wanting Louis to swear on whatever he could, no matter how little it was, or how important it was to either of them. To see him so hagard and ridden with worry - he had gotten good at reading Louis and his deadpan expressions, his general demeanor and behavior overall there was, at times, the slight realization in the back of his mind, one that told him no matter how, what, when or why, he was doing the right thing and he was only here to help, after all. "Don't b…

The weather was worse than he wanted it to be; if it was all sunshine and rainbows, Louis sitting out here would be fine, but like this, he'd only get wet and sick, and knowing him, only ever so slightly unfortunately, he was stuck all the way in his head. "Alright. But you have to eat it, not just toss it to the wind, promise?", he urged his old friend, knowing his in and outs by now. No food meant he'd be slowly starving himself to death, which was something they couldn't have - Josiah, at the…

What was that about? They’d test Louis’ limits last time, but it seemed as if this truly was the edge of his world - he couldn’t go further - if he tried, it seemed he’d be hurt for it. Did he understand? No, but Josiah made an effort regardless ass he extended his arm, with the bundle of food he’d packed up, stretching it in Louis’ direction. “You haven’t eaten in a bit, I figured you might be hungry.”, he solemnly told him, a weary smile on his face as looked at Louis and his abrasive nature -…

Something fantastical, right - he’d have to come up with a story so unbelievable that it could be one of his nightly dreams, even if he had no idea how or where to start. “Something like that.” The fireworks from yesterday’s discussion came to mind and Josiah smiled about it; maybe that was a good start for a make-believe dream, besides, it wasn’t too far fetched for it to be something that possibly was anchored in reality. “Don’t apologize, I just think we’re better off without that subject.”, …

If one thing was wrong, five-thousand others were, too. There was no denying that, just as the saying went: Went it rains, it pours. Right now, it did indeed pour, metaphorically and not actually, like it had yesterday. Josiah looked at Lucy from where he sat, just for a bit, and then closed his eyes. "Same old, then." Would anything ever change in this place? Everything was the same, as always - sometimes a face and name disappeared, but it was soon enough replaced by another, and then another,…

Spending time with Lucy had to be the highlight of yesterday, in a way. Sure, his thoughts had drifted off to Louis for no discernable reason at first, or at least to her, but Josiah knew that he was sort of desperate for this man that he called his best friend, and if it only was because he wanted his recognition - which was something Josiah had deluded himself into believing for the past few years - then he was failing at it, terribly. To have conflicting feelings like this, for both a man and…

Lucy's words fell on deaf ears that night, Jo only nodded and regarded the conversation as over - instead, he hugged her back and let himself be swept away by the darkness that called out for him, into the land of dreams that he didn't miss. His body was exhausted, spent even, despite him not really doing anything all day - he still had forced himself back up, time and time again, and now, when he was finally invited to relax just a bit, it knocked all the wind out of his sails, at once. Gone in…

"You're right ...", he finally relented, after what felt like an undeniable eternity of harking on the same topic. No matter what Jo did, he found himself walking on eggshells and wondering just how he managed to keep going after all of that. Was it his daring attitude, or the inherent stupidity that he had come to the circus with that let him view everything through a warped lense? "I ... suppose. I'm not saying these things because I want you to point out all the things I did right, or because…

"Because I'm not exactly the best friend there is at times, if I'm honest. That's why. It's not you, it's me, that's about it.", Josiah openly told Lucy, knowing that the further he digged, the bigger his grave was going to get; he didn't care anymore, at least not at the moment. Why even pretend he did? Whether or not he was having fun, it was overshadowed by his thoughts about Louis, and it unnerved him, more so than ever. "I ... it's not that. There's just things I promised Louis I won't talk…

A funny fantasy that Josiah wanted to be real, it only it meant that he could drag Louis with him, to the ends of the world, and suddenly he realized, he was really quite obsessed with a guy that wasn’t even here - Lucy was, she cared for him and showed him parts of her silly and vulnerable side, and yet, all Josiah was thinking about was his best friend, that damned man that was tied down here and would probably rot in this circus; and maybe Josiah would do so, with him. “Hm? Oh … I just mean t…

All the praise he got would feel great if, and only if, he‘d feel the same way about himself - he had his strengths, much like anyone that was part of this circus, this half-baked freakshow, and he had his shortcomings, just like anyone else. Lucy, in turn, praised him for so many things that, if he were to account for everything, he‘d probably be great at breathing, too, according to her. The irony of the entire situation didn‘t seem to reach her, though, and thus he zipped his lips shut, smili…

"I suppose it's one of my best qualities and one of my worst flaws at the same time, isn't it? There's so little that works in my favor when I try really hard, but pieces just fall into place when I am authentic, and yet, sometimes, it only works the other way around. I'd suppose it's a bit like my profession, contorting myself and all." Not just his body, but his personality, too. Over the years, he had learned which parts of the circus could deal with him as he was and which one preferred he'd…

"Don't ... sweat it. It's fine, I'm just insecure and you just tried to point something out, it's not like you teased me on purpose. I don't take you for that kind of person.", Josiah told her, straight up, well aware that Lucy was demeaning when she needed to be, but more over had a gentle side to her that she rarely showed any of them, really. Was she, truly, just another face in the circus of all places? "I could, and I ... don't know. See, I think that if something goes wrong, in a terrible …

“I … don’t … uhhhh …” He didn’t like that question, but it was obvious what the truth was - of course Josiah did not like know that he might mess up if he used his own brain just a little bit too much, and he also knew that there were consequences. Again, he liked what he had, and he didn’t want it to change for the worse - he didn’t even think that it could get better to begin with. “I … I guess? I like things how they are, and … weeeeell, I’d prefer not to make them worse.”, he eventually conf…

"Hey now, I'm not that gullible. I'll admit, I'm gullible, but magic beans? Come on, if those were real, I think we'd have heard about some kid or another making it all the way up there.", Josiah admitted, knowing that he had a soft spot for "magic" hijinks that were nothing but a scam, sounding about as real as a pink elephant with wings, or even an unicorn. "Trying them should be better than actually buying the ingredients, because if we don't like them, I guess we wasted our money, and if we …

"Maybe I don't want to carry anything and you're getting in on my plans of pawning stuff off to someone else ... I'd never do that, just to be clear.", he joked, making his stance on the matter obvious - Josiah enjoyed many things and running errands for the circus in town was one of his favorites, but sadly, they never brought it close enough for him to actually take Louis anywhere anymore, he seemed ... tied down. Right now, he still didn't quite understand, but it ought to be the distance tha…

“See? Then we should just carry all the stuff together, or bring someone to help carry the stuff, but that defeats the purpose of going with you.”, he sighed in defeat, sounding more deflated in his own theatrical ways - Josiah had always been like this, needlessly dramatic and a bit stubborn, even if he folded like a wet napkin right now. “And I can’t even say you’re wrong. I think I’d go insane if all of the circus was just full of guys like me, more James, or Louis, or goddamn Roy. Can you im…

“It means I don’t want to burden you with carrying crates, we have plenty of capable guys around here that can pull their weight!”, Josiah explained his decision, but he laughed about it soon after, just because. “Look, I don’t want you to get hurt, either - if you can pull your weight, I’m all for it, and I won’t stop you, I just don’t want you to feel like you have to carry all that heavy stuff around.” Girls were different, even here, and Jo knew that if he forced Lucy to do something that ot…