Suchergebnisse

Louis wasn't thinking clear, he wanted to save Josiah that was all. How could he make him see how dangerous this place was? And how could he make him understand that Louis was lost already? "Jo... I wish I could tell you everything, but I just can't... please just trust me..." He wouldn't. He would never let go of Louis, even after all what happened. "I don't deserve to be... helped... trust me. Leilas death is... entirely my fault." He was surprised he was able to say that, but in the end he ju…

"Jo... I don't know what to do... or what to say... I want you to understand...", Louis sighed. There was no way out. He could never truly save anyone. Leila, then Josiah, then Lucy and Conny, they'd all perish. What if Alice was right and this was about Louis? It wouldn't just stop. He learned his lesson with Lucas, but what if there was more to come? He didn't know what storms they'd have to brave and he just wanted them all away from here before it hit. "I don't want to hurt anyone... " Take …

Louis couldn't answer Josiahs question, not truthfully and he couldn't think of a fitting lay or way around it either so he stayed quiet. He was giving Jo too much to work with, but he was scared for him too, he didn't want to lose him! It was all for nothing if Josiah just left to die out there, just so h wouldn't 'inconvenience' anyone. This was not what he meant when Louis called him selfish. "Don't...", he told him. He should stop trying, stop caring, why couldn't he just be happy without Lo…

Would Josiah truly leave? Ever? Or was he going to find excuse after excuse to stay? If Louis gave in now and opened that door, he'd not leave, he'd have this shimmer of hope he always clung too, even now he asked Louis to come with them. He couldn't leave this place. He never tried, but he just felt it, that unspoken law of this place. He was part of it now in more than one way, ever entangled and Josiah would never be able to free him. He wanted to tell Josiah to take as many as he could, but …

"That's not what I mean...", he told Josiah. He wanted to know a place, a city, something. He needed to know Josiah wasn't being stupid. "You should still take her... you need someone to keep you in check and you're not doing good on your own..." And Lucy would be save too. He didn't care that they were all angry at him, that they all hated him, he caused this, partly on purpose. Josiah didn't get it, he was still trying to do what he thought would most benefit Louis, but him dying wasn't it, no…

Louis didn't know what to do, but it would be dumb of him to give in now, depending on what Josiah truly wanted to do. He needed to leave this place, he needed to be save and after all, they never could be friends again anyway, even when they tried. He said he read the book, but Louis doubted he understood anything. Who would believe that the man that gave them shelter when no one else would, would let multiple children disappear into nothingness. Louis didn't know what happened to them, but he …

As soon as the last guest left Louis was hit with reality like a horse ran him over. Usually he was the one bullied or not taken seriously, but this new side of him scared him. All these things he said to Josiah were in itself not wrong and yet he would ahve never done so. He knew it was what he felt somewhere inside of him, but it wasn't the whole picture either. He quickly searched for a place out of sight and he couldn't help but throw up. He wasn't sure what it was that was going on with him…

"Wrong? I would say it's right, but I'd also agree with you any other time of day. We're talking about what's wrong with you though.", Louis replied. This was about Josiah and his idea of life. The fact that one more fight with Louis made him blame his death on him, the fact that he told him it was his fault when Josiah was clearly disdrought over someone else he lost. Louis pitied himself in this moment. With a friend like Josiah he didn't need any enemies. Right now he found it funny, but it w…

"Not yet?", Louis laughed a little. "Man you're causing more trouble than me trying to do what's best for all of you. Hm... once you're gone Conny will probably be next and if Lucy is left all alone, who knows what she'd do? Maybe she takes the children with her? Save them the misery and all, you know? And I'll finally be free of all the pressure you put on my shoulders, I actually like that, maybe I stop caring altogether, for the whole day I mean." That would mean freedom and even after the gu…

Louis slid down against his door exhausted and drained. Maybe he shouldn't have been that angry, maybe he shouldn't have tossed Josiah aside, but instead apologized and told him how much he cared for him. Would he have listened even? Louis didn't remember crying since that fire, but right now he did. Everything he touched, everything he did, no matter how good his intentions, it all went to shit. Trying to protect Josiah made him hurt so badly, he was thinking of killing himself, trying to save …

Maybe Louis had gone too far, but that wasn't really possible. Josiah never backed down, he needed to be hurt in order to understand and Louis had been too soft. His eyes grew watery and red, Louis could see it very well, but he too was at the verge of breaking. He was somewhat hide it behind anger, but how often would Josiah force him to push him away? Even when he tried to be his friend all they did was argue. Even if none of them meant ill, the fact that Josiah knew less than half of what was…

"I don't! You are the one who doesn't listen and you come back to me practically begging me to say anything nice to you, to talk to you, to do things with you and all that and when I give in because you are maddingly persistent you take it as me still feeling the same towards you as it used to be!", Louis threw in Josiahs face. Josiah was like a broken record. 'You don't mean that. You changed your mind. You're hiding things.' Why did he have to hold on to Louis so tightly? Why couldn't he just …

"How often and how loud do I have to say that I don't want your help?", Louis asked through gritted teeth. Why did he have to force himself into Louis life over and over and over again? What else was he supposed to do? Drag him through the mud? Kill his snake pet? What? It was exhausting and painful. If Josiah would have just stopped caring about Louis by now, things would be much easier on him. Instead he crawled back, hung on to him, told him how much he wanted to help, how much he liked him. …

Why did Josiah ask then? Frankly this whole interaction was tiring. It was easier to just stay away from Josiah, instead of trying to figure out how to best lie to him, how to keep him away, how to keep him save and all that. He cared for him enough to do anything to save his life, but he could only do that by keeping him at a distance. None of the ones who knew Louis before the fire seemed to want to let go of the image of him they had five years ago. Everyone was constantly trying to help him,…

In he came, sounding like he wanted to leave again right away. He didn't stop him, wouldn't run after Josiah if he wanted to be difficult. Louis didn't exactly look forward to an interaction with his old friend. Either he'd be angry, or he'd be overbearing trying to make sense of Louis actions and behaviour when he could not. Louis couldn't explain whatever he did and Josiah wouldn't understand, nor would he believe him if he flat out told him. He worked so hard on pushing him away, for once may…

Josiah seemed to be in a hurry all of a sudden and Lucy looked at him. "It's alright Jo, just breath.", he told him with a smile. He looked so well rested just a minute ago and now he was in a panic it seemed. Once he explained Lucy saw the problem, they should probably all come together and take turns looking after her, leaving her alone wasn't a good idea at the moment, but it wasn't Josiahs responsibility alone either. "That's okay, I'll look after the kids and you do what you need to do. Bri…

Josiah fell asleep very fast and Lucy was happy for him. She stroked his back a bit longer until she was sure he was fully asleep, then allowed herself to fall asleep as well. She felt save in Josiahs arms and she slept well all night through until she was woken up by a shake. She slowly opened her eyes. She too was a bit stiff from seemingly not moving the whole night, but she slept wonderfully without any nightmares or intruding thoughts. Josiah was already up and getting dressed, while Lucy s…

Jo needed someone to look after him as well, even if he denied it and Lucy felt like it wasn't just her needing some comfort tonight. The small bad was warm and cozy like this, unlike the empty bed she had. It was a luxury to have a trailer for herself, but often she rather had a roommate like Conny and Leila had been. The silence of the night was too often too scary, even before all the things that happened. Lucy preferred the day, when the whole circus grounds were bustling with life and there…

"I just don't want you to beat yourself up over anything. Whatever Louis says, don't listen to him and he's also not your responsibility, okay? He's a grown up who can make his own decisions." Lucy sighed. Josiah was usually running around all smiles, but deep down he wasn't that at all. He always ate everything up and never let it out. Sometime he'd just shatter. That he only punched Louis in the face once was a miracle, but she agreed to not talk about it anymore for tonight. They were both ti…

"I know... still..." Lucy got too attached to the children she knew that much, they always left, barely stayed someone as long as them and took it to adulthood. Leila was going there, but then... It was so unfair. It was really nobodies fault, definitely not Cornelias nor anyone elses. They always trained without the net, they did their tricks thousands of times... maybe they challenged luck one too many times, but either way, the whole situation could have been handled with more grace. The fact…