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Josiah was, for the lack of a better word, exhausted and, in theory, definitely not lost within his own thoughts, but in practice, all of this was a bit much for him, his brain, and potentially even this relationship that he skirted around with Louis. What were they now? Friends? Behated acquaintances that spent years by each others side? Or maybe something entirely different? Neither of those two monikers fit, and while he thought about it, he couldn't come to a conclusion - his body felt heavy…

Questions had burned in his mind for an indefinite amount of time and the only thing that truly plagued him the past few years had been Louis; he'd been his shoulder to cry on, his rock to cling to, but eventually, he removed himself from him and Josiah was left with nothing but himself, with tears he had to dry on his own and with wounds he licked clean in the loneliness of the night that never seemed to fade anymore. As the darkness hat seeped into his trailer, it had also gotten comfortable i…

"You never can, never! And that fucking sucks!", he complained. Truth be told, Josiah wasn't as much on the fence about it as he believed he would be, and yet, his entire body felt as if it was jittering all over yet again. There was no way out of this, much like there wasn't any way for him to combat any of this, and yet ... well, and yet, he was the one of the two of them that was keeping Louis pinned to the ground, yelling obsceneties at him and claiming he was the worst person to ever walk t…

His fingers dug into fabric that encompassed Louis form - Josiah wasn't done with him, he didn't want to be done with him until his face wasn't the goriest, bloodiest pulp he'd ever laid eyes upon, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it, no matter how much he tried to reason with himself. That was one thing, yes, but the other, quite frankly, encompassed nothing more than a stupid realization - he was nothing more than a clown, but instead of admitting to it, he pretended to be better than …

"You said whatever first. Who cares what you say AFTER whatever if you've already established you don't care? Ugh.", Josiah grumbled, there was no way for him to lose out on that one, surely, but he'd already set everything in motion and was decadently crafting his own downfall, right here, in the middle of nowhere, while he simply wasn't sure what he wanted. He was confused, in many more ways than one, and he realized that way too late - but it was late anyway, today could only get worse, and f…

"Whatever? Really? That's all you've got?", Josiah grumbled as an answer. Sure, nobody gave five fucks about Louis if he thought that through, but he didn't want to be the one that this guy came to when he needed a shoulder to cry on, nor did he want to be the person that had to painstakingly admit that he liked him with all his flaws, no matter how large they were. Josiah was over that, he wasn't going to look at this world with rosé-tinted glasses anymore, because, quite frankly, that hadn't g…

What was going on? Louis acted like his mean streak died and he had no fucking idea what he had been on about for the past few hours, but at the same time, Josiah was the one that wasn't going to buy some sort of stupid excuse for a thing that should have been apparent from the getgo. Actually, why was he even entertaining the guy outside of the cage? "Oh, sorry, you walk around and look at everyone as if they pissed on your breakfast. Because that makes a big difference.", Josiah replied, rolli…

One of them on the inside of the cage, the other one on the outside of the cage - if he could, he'd probably simply sic Constance on him, but that was neither how that worked, nor something that he wanted to be responsible for in the long run. As it was right now, there was no way of knowing if or why he would get out of this, but in the end, he was simply resigned to sigh and look at Louis who seemingly acted like the place already belonged to him - sure, if he wanted to be the next ringmaster,…

Sure, he was rarely as mad as he was now, but for the time being, it sufficed to say that he had completely lost his mind and, for better or worse, was stuck in his own nine hells. None of the humans he cared for gave as much as a damn about him as they should, and none of the people he felt like he could talk to sincerely wanted to do that it seemed. To them, all he was and all Louis was, seemingly wound up being cheap entertainment, and what was worse, there was no reason to refuse that statem…

They were chattering away again, something that Josiah accepted as a fact rather than a common occurrence and he fished for it to stay that way. All in all, he couldn't claim that he was happy about everything that had been happening, but he had doomed himself the moment he grabbed a chair, sat down and someone else was sliding him some bread and butter to use; he didn't want more, but while the kids behaved, the adults took it as some sort of go-ahead. "So, did you two make up?", someone asked …

Josiah was open to just about anything, and he was one of the few people in this circus that, for the lack of a better word, would always have a sweet spot for anyone that surrounded him. In a way, he was the one that dragged those kids here and made them his own responsibility, and yet, he couldn't help but wait in awe for the simple things in life; for a moment of silence when every single flame in this circus went out. Tonights show was one of laughter, a cacophony of idiocy and mesmerized st…

Talking about it only made it worse, but what put the nail in the coffin were those words that Lou offered him - he acted almost as if the entire conversation they had had earlier today didn't matter to him, or he hadn't even listened to it. Another reason for Jo to curse him out under his breath and glare daggers at him for just a bit - he didn't need to acknowledge this mans presence, nor did he need to actually endanger himself just by being around this guy. Who knew, maybe he'd go to the rin…

Josiah was ticked off by the fact that this guy could even smile, but albeit all of that, maybe it was because he had to. Putting on a show was important, not only for the people around them, but also for their guests that wanted to be lost in the mesmerizing moments that a circus had to offer. Frankly, he didn't have to smile, but it helped if he did, especially out there, on a stage where dim lights were illuminating his performance and every single person that dared to enter the dimly lit ten…

The buzz and all the chatter was normal, it had become frequent, almost ghastly apparent, and even then, he'd never paid it any mind. Not only had he always been part of it, he'd also have to admit that there was something that the wind whispered to him. Tonight, he didn't want to engage in any of this, and for the first time in forever, he wished to be genuinely sick, for his body to fail him, just this once, so he could get out of something he'd love to do otherwise. Maybe it was because he wa…

Arthur was, for the most part, mesmerized by all that surrounded him. For the worst part, he was taken aback by the breathtaking display before him and for all intents and purposes, he wasn’t sure how to feel. People would be watching him perform up there at some point, and as soon as he thought of just that, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was more scared of countless eyes glued to his form or of immeasurable height being between him and the ground - it mattered little, with or without Louis …

"H-huh? Y-yeah, right. This isn't the first time you have done this a-anyway. I, uh, expected this to be worse?", Arthur answered, his voice muddled and his entire being confused. As he thought about it, maybe he was being stupid, or perhaps his idiocy was just another moment of his own inexperience. Politeness was everything, or maybe happiness was it all - regardless of that, he couldn't help but wonder: Was this his life from now on? As he climbed back onto his feet, his entire world was bein…

Arthur had all the time in the world to agree or disagree. No matter what he did, or if he did it now or later, he still had time - he still had enough to count everything through, still could see if he gained traction and thrived in this kind of environment, or deny Leilas request, but in a way, he'd already said yes, had doomed himself and was about to jump off of a platform he'd never had crawled onto in the first place. "It's... it's the thrill, right?", he asked aloud, now that he could add…

"Ah ... mhm.", Arthur mouthed, his head leaning in a fourty-five degree angle as he curiously studied the net as far as his eye could see. From up here, it seemed like it had been tied around the poles on both ends multiple times and fixated on some sort of hook as well. Sure, the way down wasn't one he was actually looking forward to, but as his stomach turned and another finger on the monkeys pawl curled, he wondered if he needed to be as scared as he currently was. Fear was normal, not irrati…

"Mhm! But it's still dangerous ... are you never afraid about the net ripping or you missing it? Or ... or ... is there even a net during your perfomances?", he asked, none the wiser, just after warming up to the idea of enjoying all of this a tad too much. Arthur was, in a way, just a scared kid that didn't know what he was wanting to agree on. No matter what, his decision seemed steadfast, and yet, at the same time, he sounded almost as if he wanted to keep finding excuses for what he was or w…

"But it sounds silly ...", Arthur admitted, his gaze downcast, on the wooden floor of the platform they were standing on. Given, maybe Leila was right and he just needed to stay up here for a little longer than it would be healthy, but on the other hand, he didn't want to - by god, he wasn't stubborn, or even an idiot for the assumptions he made, but he definitely wasn't having fun right about now, even if Leila tried to hammer it home that all it took was practice. "So you're suggesting it migh…