eat your young (earinor & marquis)

"I did. But hey, I had less crazy ideas too...", Louis defended himself with a smile. He wasn't sure how serious he meant most of them, but then again, if they could tame a lion, why not an alligator? He had many ideas and sometimes he was probably just bored. Most of his ideas didn't fly with the ringmaster anyway, some he allowed only to see Louis fail and realize himself, that it had been stupid. Only those that weren't that crazy though. In the end he always looked out for them and yet, it was only for his selfish desires, for his hunger, or whyever he did it. He'd been like a father to both of them and when Louis realized who he truly was and that he was only using every single person in this circus, he was devastated. Louis had so much time in his makeshift hospital bed to think about it, to be scared, disappointed and lost. He still had many questions that weren't answered by him and for the longest time he wanted to protect Josiah from finding out, from being destroyed as well. Now however, maybe he was old enough and maybe learning about it would allow him to flee.

"No it's alright...", Louis mumbled, still shuffling the card. "Maybe the cotton candy calmed them down. It'll be fine. I know sitting in their wagon or helping push them out of the mud isn't anyones favorite activity, but I know you'll manage them." He did. Josiah kept them in line by making them play games. He always did and Louis appreciated it, even though he quite obviously never thanked Josiah enough for it. Eventually he put the cards on the table. "Pick any one.", Louis told him and once Josiah complied he talked hi through further. "Remember it? Right, then shuffle it back in." Josiah did what he was asked and eventually Louis got the cards back. He shuffled them some more, then strew a bunch of cards on the table, commenting that those were not the right cards. Eventually he stopped, seemingly at random. "Is that it?", he asked. It wasn't, but he knew that and once he was told, with Josiahs face maybe even lighting up because he somehow tricked Louis, Louis acted like he sighed. "Oh right... it must have been the one I forgot in your chest pocket then." How did it get there? When did it get there? Louis wouldn't tell.

They were family, that was important - to all of them. Truth be told, Josiah knew that Louis never meant harm, that he always looked out for all of them in a way, and that he only ever resorted to force if need be, and even then, force wasn't exactly what it was either - he was opinionated, had his own ideas about many things and simply wanted the best for everyone, which resulted in him drawing the ire of many more than just the children on him sometimes. "True, but your crazy ideas were pretty fun too.", Jo admitted with a grin on his lips. There was nothing that Louis hadn't thought of, especially way back when - he was prepared for the oddest, most unlikely of questions, but taming lions and walking alligators aside, all of what he had done had simply been for fun. "Hm, that reminds me of the time I suggested we have the snakes hop through some rings for a show - I was pretty young back then, but the idea was so stupid, I think I won't ever forget it." In the end, it had needed some of the adults to explain to him that, well, a snake wouldn't be able to jump without any feet, and it wouldn't do so on command either, so Josiah stuck to them being something more than simple companions for his shows, if he ever needed them at all. Louis, on the other hand, had many ideas, few of them actually dumb like Jo's own.

"The cottoncandy turned them into ravenous beasts.", he joked and immediately shook his head after. "Jokes aside, they enjoyed it a lot - you should have seen how their faces lit up when they heard the good news, and suddenly, all of them behaved. I know, being part of this circus isn't the most fun thing sometimes, but we band together, like a real family, you know?" Blood was somehow irrelevant for them and whatever it was that they shared, be it their spirit or their desire for companionship; they all were drawn to each other and Josiah enjoyed it, the togetherness, the close-knit feeling of an evergrowing family. Lou was part of that family, one he couldn't bear to lose, which meant he'd entertain him until he figured him out, be that as it may. As those cards lay before him, he looked them over carefully, for a bend or a scratch, anything that could indicate that it was rigged, or had some sort of past history associated with it; and once he talked himself into one, he furrowed his brows, complied with the instructions and hid it well within the pile of cards he was asked to shuffle. Then came Louis' turn, and he failed, which led to Josiah getting cocky and finally smiling over his apparent win. "No.", he answered, sure that he had won, but soon enough, he was crestfallen and pulled the card out of his chestpocket, just like he was told to. "W-What? How? I demand a do-over! That's just a coincidence!", the blonde demanded as he placed his card back on the table - he was annoyed, but likewise impressed and definitely giggling about being duped once more. But whatever, right? "How do you keep doing this?" Magic wasn't real, that was child's play, but this trick would never fail to amaze him and Josiah already carefully thought about the next card he could pick, without even seeing his options. Louis couldn't be right two times in a row!

"I'm amazed you never got bored with it.", Louis admitted with a soft smile. Oh how he sometimes wished everything could be like it was before, but at the same time wishing to be clueless again was unfair to everyone he tried to save. It was better to know, than live in the dark, or at least it was better at least one person who cared knew. Before the fire Louis thought this place was the greatest on earth, he thought this was home and family and sometimes heaven. He wanted to do his best always and he asked so many lost children to join them. It was unfair of him to be a mad at Josiah to still do the same, how could he know of all that happened here? Louis felt bad for being so hard on him and forgot that he was in the process of shuffling the cards while retreating into his mind. He soon wrestled himself out, continued shuffling and looked at Josiah. "I've been unfair to you and I'm sorry...", he let out, then quickly looked at the cards again.

"Family... yeah." And every time one of the vanished it was like a sibling died. There was another story Louis wanted Josiah to read and he left the cards on the table for now, getting up to search for another book, or rather a little pamphlet. Josiah knew that story, they read it together when they were younger, but it was somewhat fitting. He couldn't tell that to Josiah, but he was able to slide the booklet over the table. "I want you to have this.", he told him, he couldn't say much more than that. It was the story of the ratcatcher. It was far fetched to tie it to the circus and the ringmaster, but there was a shared idea, something quite obvious, even though Louis doubted that any of the parents of these lost children did the ringmaster wrong. Louis picked up the cards again. "I won't tell you, it takes the fun out of it.", he softly smiled, he was not going to spill his secrets, instead he prepared another trick. "You know... it's nice to do this... it's nice to having you around again. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to stay, though if you rather go and read, that's fine too." He offered the cards up to Josiah, let him pick three this time. "Put one back, lay one open on the table and keep the third."

“Why would I? You always had the best ideas, at least kid me would claim you did and then decide that I should support those ideas. I’m pretty sure that adult me doesn’t think all that differently about things like that.”, Josiah explained, and while they weren’t crafting some sort of elaborate plot to get their hands on more freedom this time, he truly had to admit that he had been smitten by each and any idea his longtime friend had proposed back then. Sometimes, he had to recall that he was overstepping and that perhaps Louis didn’t have the most sane of ideas, but that had never meant that he wasn’t absolutely on board with them - Jo knew he’d do anything for him, always had, always would be, and thus, he also trusted him blindly, even all these years later. “Where’d that come from now?”, he questioned, raising his head from the cards he’d taking quite the gander at to catch a glimpse of a much more apologetic face than he had anticipated. “There’s certain things you just can’t talk about and I’m the one overstepping boundaries, I’m sorry for that. To be honest, if you could talk about it, or ever can … I’m still here for you.” With that, he decided to go back to thinking about the card he wanted - maybe these things just were all the same? No, he’d notice that, but Louis had to have a trick up his sleeve.

"You know, me, you, the others, maybe the ringmaster - it's not exactly what others would call a family, but I don't know anything else. This is good, not just good enough." The feeling of togetherness was all Josiah felt like he needed, but apparently, there was more than that. Whether or not he needed Lou in his life was a different thing, but also one he shouldn't bother himself with, not right now anyway, when they were having quite the enjoyable evening together - a rare occassion anyway, given everything that had transpired, or well, that had kept them apart. Be that as it may, Louis had more secrets to impart upon him and Josiah was the one that felt as if he was uncovering some myth, or perhaps even something more. "Huh? The ... the ratcatcher thing? I mean ... Okay, it's important to you. I'll give it a read as soon as I can.", he complied without another word. Perhaps he felt that he'd gotten too old, or maybe even too mature for such silly tales, and yet, he was not, never had been, never would be - if he wasn't a contortionist, he'd be a clown, and if he wasn't a clown, he'd be a fool; a fool for still clinging to all of this and not seeing the greater scheme behind all that happened. Just as it started to bother him enough, the mood lightened, like a burden off of his shoulders. "The fun of teasing me or of seeing my amused face, huh?" It was whatever, even when he giggled about it - Louis knew him, he knew how he could be and that he didn't take it to heart - he enjoyed being made fun of sometimes, but only for so long. That, too, warmed him up from the inside out and Jo soon felt all giggly about it, especially as Lou kept going and going. "Go and read? After you told me you enjoy having me around again? No way! Sorry, but that feeling is mutual, and I will abuse your hospitality tonight.", he confessed almost immediately and gandered at their deck of cards, carefully picking away at three different ones - he memorized them, then figured he'd devise a tactic and did as he was told, still holding the third firmly between his fingers - he stretched the arm out a bit so Louis could grab it if he needed to. "You'll never guess it."

"You'll never change...", Louis smiled. It was what made Josiah himself. Louis changed drastically, but even if Josiah knew about all of what was happening here, he'd still remain mostly the same. He'd be optimistic and positive and he'd try to find a way and save Louis and everyone else. Louis wasn't even sure if he wanted that, if he wanted him to try. He didn't want Josiah to get hurt. "Uh... just thinking about how I treated you... when I yelled at you or blamed you, it wasn't fair. I'm sorry." Josiah didn't have all the facts, he didn't know any better and he didn't act differently than Louis would have, if certain things hadn't happened or if their roles were reversed. Louis looked at the scarred skin on his arm. He actually wasn't as bothered by his scars as Josiah probably was, but they were a reminder of a lost past and all that happened after the fire. He usually didn't wear them this openly either, mostly for other people and maybe Josiah didn't like to see them either, but on the other hand, there was a big scar on Louis face he didn't always hide. "You haven't. I'm just... angry at myself and I let it out on you."

Louis gaze darted up when Josiah mentioned the ringmaster. He definitely wasn't family and some of the other members of the circus weren't either. They were his minions, doing what he told them to and they liked toying with Louis who was neither part of them, despite knowing what was going on, nor was he part of the others anymore. Louis knew what Josiah meant, but he disagreed on some levels, still he couldn't and wouldn't tell him, when he told him what made him happy. "Yeah I know.", he simply commented, because Louis had been the same. Even if they weren't always happy and sometimes fought, they were like a family, all of them, excluding certain people. Then again, there were enough shitty parents that left their children to starve, children that would find their way here, to the circus, like Leila and Lucas and maybe Arthur. Josiah wouldn't do anything stupid if he learned the truth, right? "It would take the fun out for you if you'd knew how to do it. What else would I fill the evening with then?", Louis asked and he seldomly had someone to practice on, so this was good. "It's getting late still... we've got a lot to do tomorrow." They should go to bed soon. "I said keep it.", Louis smiled, while shuffling back the other card into the deck. After he'd done that he fanned out the cards on the table. "Are you still into reading tarot?", he asked. A random question, but he just needed to think about it as he looked at his own. Not that he took a card per chance. He picked up the card Josiah put on the table and held it over the others until he picked two cards and laid them face down on the table. "One of these is the one I shuffled in, right?", he asked upon turning them both face up.

"Maybe that's a good thing?", Josiah guessed with a laugh. Perhaps, being set in his ways was a smart move or the best idea he could have at this point in time; being a pillar for each and every person in this circus took time and not being affected by most of what went down here at any point, wasn't that just the smartest thing he could do? In truth, maybe he should have changed a long time ago, but in reality, he never would, no matter for how long he sat around and marbled at it all. Josiah was, and would always stay himself - not even the fire had truly changed him, even as it shook him down to his core. "It's not like I was better the past few days. I'm sorry about that, that's not how I should have acted and ... I know, we already went over this, but it's fine! Look, we both have a lot of luggage we carry around with ourselves, but it would be nice if we could go back to sharing the burden, sometime. Whenever you can, or feel ready to.", the blonde eventually mustered up, and he meant it - it wouldn't fix hurt feelings or missed years, or even painful scars, but it would help them heal, one way or the other. Their shared experiences were their own, just that and nobody elses, and neither of them would have to ever be alone again. "It's fine. Let it out on me! That's better than letting it out on the kids, or worse, the customers. Imagine if you couldn't even smile - who'd want a frowning, pissy clown?"

Were the children scared of his best friend because he'd been mean in the past? If only he knew. There was no way he'd take a stab at the problem right about now, and there also wasn't any way they'd figure that out tonight - Jo had different problems, they were called cards and stupid tricks that only a true magician like Lou could perform, unlike him, the fraud he'd always been and would always be. Even as his brows furrowed and as he tried his best to keep up with the rhythm, he would probably not manage to figure this out, no matter how hard he tried. Was he too shallow for a simple trick? Perhaps, but that was one of his charms, he'd argue. Innocent and doe-eyed, almost as if he knew nothing about the world, much like one of the kids, and yet much more older, somewhat more responsible but at the same time childish enough to not see how rotten this place truly was - Josiah had no idea about that, but he quite literally enjoyed just sitting here, basking in the afterglow of Louis infectuous mood. "Okay okay, I get it! You wouldn't have anything else to confuse me with because that's the only trick you know, isn't it? I'll figure it out by myself, then!", he proudly announced, knowing fully well that he wouldn't. Perhaps that was one thing he had to work on - his overconfidence that made little to no sense to any of them, most of the time. "Tomorrow will be stressful ... but that's a problem for the Louis and the Josiah of tomorrow, not of tonight.", Josiah tried to explain the issue away as he yawned and eyed the cards again, much like a rabid dog that was waiting for a feast that he'd been promised. "I will, I will!" Would he ever be able to argue with Louis for real? Unlikely. "Sometimes. Can be fun, until the reverse tower shows up and you're trying to ignore it. And then stuff keeps happening. Why?", he chuckled, somewhat amused, but he wouldn't be fooled by some stupid comments this time, and not distracted either - no! Almost flabberghasted, he looked back at the cards on the table. "Yes, why? ... What would you even do if I said no?", he teasingly questioned.

"It is.", Louis agreed. Josiah was still his best friend and he wouldn't want him to be any otherway, even if it meant that Louis had to grow up alone. Louis could only nod at Josiahs own apology. They both had been childish and Louis ought to learn how to control his frustration without lashing out. Still, he couldn't change too much, those children had to train fast and become useful quickly. The ringmaster might have listened to Louis once, but that wouldn't fly forever. He still didn't know why it didn't take more convincing and it worried him. Just thinking about it made Louis almost drop the cards in his hands. "They have to train and get good at their acts here. I know I'm harsh but... it's important." He knew Josiah didn't understand and Louis didn't want to start another argument, but he had to say it. For the next days there wouldn't be much training anyway, with them moving the circus to a new location as soon as morning came and everyone ate some breakfast.

"You're right I suppose..." Louis actually didn't have that many tricks up his sleeve. He dabbled in every venture, but he wasn't very good at any of it, besides magic tricks and juggling. Josiah was visibly tired, but Louis ignored it for now. His trick was almost complete anyway. "Just interested... your predictions were mostly right, you know?" He warned Louis about a big life changing event a night before the fire too. He wasn't wrong there. While Louis had the firm believe that those tarot readings were somewhat of a scam before and so flimsical you could put it to anything, after what he learned he wasn't so sure anymore it wasn't real. For now Louis concentrated on the cards again. "I know you'd lie to me.", Louis answered with a shortlived smile. "Well we have a four of spades and a three of hearts, which means the card you are still holding must be a... seven of diamonds?", he asked. The pseudo mathematical aspect was nothing but a rouse to make the trick more compelling, but it was fun and more of a challenge since Louis had to find some cards that fit together and could explain his logic behind the one Josiah still had in is posession.