eat your young (earinor & marquis)

Louis wasn't sure if this situation was any better than Josiah being mad. Like this his friend would never get over the fact that Louis wasn't himself anymore and he'd never let him go. He would not leave this place, he would not flee and leave Louis behind, he'd never. Was there ever a chance of that happening? Probably not and maybe Louis was better of stopping to try to get Josiah to hate him. Then again, he'd always be frustrated and angry with Louis, after all he couldn't tell him what was going on an he also couldn't be all laughs and giggle anymore like he used to. There were things he wanted Josiah to hear, but he never listened, like telling him not to bring so many children here. All he said about responsibilities was in a way true too, but it was unnecessary to not let Josiah help somehow. Still, he didn't know what was at stake, he didn't understand the reality nor the dangers, even if Louis made it more digestible with more realistic lies. Josiah still acted the same and would let the children play all day if he was in charge.

Louis wasn't sure what Josiah was saying and shook his head. "I wish you'd understand why I am like this...", he mumbled, but there was no explanation following. Josiah would want to know, but that didn't change a thing. Instead he focused on the task ahead. "It doesn't matter if he gets mad. It's important to you, so I'll try. I can't promise he'll listen to me though." At the very least he would have asked the ringmaster to let Lucas off the hook. There was nothing that man would do to Louis, if he wanted to he'd done so long ago, but he kept him around. Besides, he was somewhat valuable since he took on so many tasks around here. With the ringmaster barely leaving his trailer at all and his minions being noisy and incompetent, Louis was an obvious choice to be somewhat of his assistant. "No one saw but me and I won't tell.", he reassured Josiah as if his own opinion didn't matter and only that of others. Josiah didn't need to worry about anyone's impressions. Before Louis could pull his hands away fully though, he felt Josiah grab them again. "I can't explain...", he reiterated for the hundredth time and maybe this time Josiah would hear what he was saying. He'll need to find his own answers, ask other people or the right questions. In the end he didn't know Louis as well as they both thought he did it seemed.

Josiah was, for the lack of a better word, exhausted and, in theory, definitely not lost within his own thoughts, but in practice, all of this was a bit much for him, his brain, and potentially even this relationship that he skirted around with Louis. What were they now? Friends? Behated acquaintances that spent years by each others side? Or maybe something entirely different? Neither of those two monikers fit, and while he thought about it, he couldn't come to a conclusion - his body felt heavy, much like lead, and the exhaustion of his own actions was to be expected, especially after all that happened. Silence was the last thing he needed, but falling asleep in Louis arms wasn't exactly how envisioned any of this either. Every twitch of the body below him and every stroke of air made him so very aware of what was happening around him, but his brain felt empty - extremely so. "I can only try to figure it out on my own, can't I? We haven't been exactly close to each other for the past three years, though. Would you give me a chance to figure it out?", he questioned, his thoughts trailing off as he held Louis close. Or was he the one that was being held close? Josiah couldn't say, he couldn't even guess.

"But I don't want him to be mad at you either ... his approval is important to you, isn't it? I mean, you're kind of his second-in-command, or the guy that I can see swinging this whole thing if the ringmaster ever dies.", he mumbled. Come to think of it, the ringmaster was an elusive creature, even among the most shy of all the residents of this patchwork family and Jo couldn't say that he'd seen the man often in the past few years, much like Louis. Was there ... no, that sounded ridiculous to even think about. "It's important to me, alright, and important to Lucas, you know? I mean, how'd you feel if someone just dumped you elsewhere, out there, in some orphanage, or on the streets, away from all the people you consider your family?" Josiah was right but wrong at the same time. It was a horrible fate for sure, but not what the world had in store for Lucas - there was something even worse that would happen; something that he hadn't even caught onto and that seemed so outlandish, he probably wouldn't even get it. For a moment, he held onto and squeezed the brunettes hands, then he let go and wrapped his arms around him for a short while - Josiah patted Louis on his back and then, eventually, freed himself from the embrace he kept them both confined to. "You should tell, though. I was frustrated and I should be held accountable for that, you know?" Jo dusted himself off quickly and reached his hand out to Louis to help him up. "No need to. I'll be there for it when you're able to, though."

Would Josiah be able to get behind all the inner workings that were happening outside his view? Outside most ones. Louis wasn't sure, but he nodded slowly. Josiah would never stop caring for him, not matter how he behaved, then, at least, Louis wanted his friend back, someone that could share the burdon with him. They've done so before, albeit not having many burdon as children. Louis never asked for his parents, now that he was older he questioned his heritage, but back then? Why would he have asked for them? He'd always been happy here, he had Josiah, his best friend and all the others, some of which still here. He had a roof atop of his head and food when he was hungry. He was happy and they both would still be if not for the knowledge bestowed upon him after the fire. Now he wasn't sure what he preferred. Not knowing and living like nothing was going on felt wrong, but he was never able to change anyones fate since he knew the truth either. He tried, but it was a hopeless case and now he felt like he failed everytime he snatched one of the children to bring it to the ringmaster by his request.

While Josiah was already trying to figure out what went on in Louis head, he was already heading into the wrong direction. While whatever force held Louis back could stop him from talking or taking certain actions like writing everything down, drawing or simply nodding or shaking his head, it could not force him to lie, that much he figured out. "It is not.", he firmly stated and even if he got mad or Louis was punished - he'd never been, so he didn't know exactly what that entailed - Louis was someone , as Josiah correctly pointed out, that always felt it to be earned by his actions. For who he was and what he did, surely it would fit his crimes and if he had to offer his head in return of someone elses, he'd do it, especially when Josiah asked it of him. "I know that, I'm... that's why I'm harsh to them...", he mumbled, circling back to their ever lasting discussion, but they didn't fight anymore. Then Louis felt Josiahs arms around him. For a moment he stopped breathing. Being comforted like that - although he wasn't sure if that was Josiahs intention - felt almost foreign. It was a ridicolous realization he had when he thought back and noticed that he hadn't been hugged in over three years. The moment was over before Louis could react to it, but he took Josiahs hand and let himself be helped back on his feet. "We're both to blame.", Louis tried to find a common ground, but the following sentence was one that spread a numb feeling through his body, one he couldn't assign to being a good or a bad one, but if they would have still sat down, now he would have hugged his friend back. The moment was over however and Louis only nodded, averted his gaze and quickly turned around. "I'll talk to him now.", he hastily anounced and already stormed off, without being grabbed by Josiah this time.

Louis kept his promise. He walked over to the ringmasters wagon immedietly and after a short knock entered. He hated to be in here, but today he also arrived empty handed, without Lucas. To his surprise there was no yelling, no punichment, not even a raised or annoyed voice. Much like after the fire and its aftermath, Louis and the ringmaster never talked about the obvious, Louis never got any official, verbal explanation, he wasn't threatened and even the force keeping him from telling Josiah the truth was never discussed. It was simply there and they both knew what was responsible for that, roughly. In a way there never needed to be a discussion and Louis was partly afraid of more answers and partly sure that he wouldn't get any anyway. Their interaction this day was similar. The ringmaster acknowledged that Louis came to him empty handed and ten minutes later Louis left the wagon puzzled. No arguing, no yelling, no punishment, no 'Ill get him anyway'. There were others who could bring the boy to him, but no, he wouldn't send them. There was a subtle, looming threat, something unspoken but clearly there, yet Louis was surprised and for the moment content with the result. He didn't go and find Josiah to bring him the news, he didn't tell anyone about this interaction. The fact that Lucas was still there hours after was confirmation enough. Louis went on to start coordinating the day and help disassembling their campsite.

"It's not ...?" That was a new sentence for sure, one Josiah could hardly comprehend, and one, that despite everything, made him more numb to the pain of the world than anything, if at all. There was no way for him out of this one, it seemed, but he had to rely on Louis regardless. Arguably, maybe that wasn't the best or cleanest way to care for it, or maybe he was simply being a tad bit too insecure when he thought about it, and yet, he simply nodded and figured he'd give his old friend a chance. The two of them, however far removed they were, still thought of each other as family, at least in a way, did they not? At least Jo did, and that was enough for him - enough for anyone that wanted him to be who he was. His features softened and a smile spread across his face as Louis already ran off, and Josiah, who had been upset for what seemed to be no reason now, was giggling to himself, quite amused that, in the end, all it needed were words - words that stuck to his mind. His approval didn't matter to him? Josiah seemed to have the wrong impression of Louis, then, something that he almost loathed if he thought about it. Why was that his opinion of Lou anyway? He couldn't say, but he had enough time to mull over it, especially now - and yet, he should make himself helpful elsewhere.

Josiah had cleared his mind with the conversation that he had Louis, at least somewhat, which also meant he was good to entertain some of the kids before they had to start packing up - it also meant that he could borrow Arthur for a bit, just to get in some extra work and show him what his future work might be made of; this time, it was a few simple stretches, some posturing help and a completely failed try at one of the easier poses one could strike - the blonde did his best, but his body wasn't as flexible as it should be. Bummer. All they could do was try again, even though the youngster kept his eyes on the platform within the large tent, until it - too - disappeared and all of them were rather busy with packing up. "What happened to your face?", someone snickered as they spotted Josiah smiling again, but instead of reacting all explosive, he simply tilted his head. "Nothing much, I'm fine.", he chuckled and with that, their little conversation seemed over. Some of the children would come check on him and on Arthur and Josiah, ever the diligent man, snatched Lucas who was holding onto the fabric of his pants at some point and try to force the children to help pack up by making it a game, telling them that whoever stashed away more of the trinkets would win a grand prize; they did fall for the rouse and he was mighty proud of himself for coming up with it, as he started to help disamble some of the bigger things himself, until their entire campsite was gone and the children were crowded around him. There was no show today, but even then, he still had all sorts of admirers - this time, it was the youngins, that demanded the prize they'd been promised; they had ganged up on him and beat him at his own game, banding together so nobody would be left out and procuring one total big number of things stored and stashed, making them all collectively the winners. "That's not what I meant!", he playfully argued. "You never said we couldn't team up!", one of the older children - Clementine - argued. "Yes, but I didn't-" "Reward! You promised a reward!", Lucas chanted. "Alright, alright, you got me, you beat me fair and square. We'll go look for your reward, alright?", he chuckled and led an entourage of ducklings off to the wagons.

Louis was helping with the heavy lifting the whole day. He didn't check any mirror to see if there was a bruise showing on his face, but he honestly forgot about it not long after his argument with Josiah. Every now and then when he had time and the children were passing him or he passed them, he saw if he spotted Lucas and alas he did every single time. He was saved then presumibly. He wasn't quite sure of it yet, he was weary, but as of now he had no reason to believe that someone else would snatch him, no. They instead hovered around Josiah and Louis, but Josiah was all cheery again and Louis just didn't talk much, so they gave up their attempt on stiring more trouble. In truth they probably helped the two of them reconsile, by pushing Josiah over the edge even further. Louis wondered about them too, about their reason to be this vindictive. He asked himself if they wanted Louis to join their sort of club instead of floating somewhere in the middle of knowing and not knowing, or if they simply liked to pick on someone, even when he was feeling... different and ran around to cater to their needs. They clearly ennjoyed shooing him around before the shows, but in the moment Louis didn't notice, nor did he care, only afterwards when it came back to him did he feel odd, but also couldn't blame anyone but himself.

Josiah was great with the kids, making them work too in the best way possible. Even though they left their argument in good spirits, Louis didn't forget what Josiah told him and Louis wanted to make it a point to thank him for his work later this evening. Right now he was busy with the children swarming him and demanding a prize, Louis wasn't sure he thought of before. The rest of the team was soon to be done with their work for the day too, early in the morning tomorrow they would leave this place. Some of them packed up the last few things, some took a quick wash or prepared dinner. On days they weren't open, usually on the day after the last show, they got treated to a warm meal that didn't consist of leftovers. Louis went over to the kitchen and on the way he had an idea. Once he arrived he asked Grace, an older girl around 19, who was currently preparing said dinner for a tiny favor, which he usually didn't do. Maybe he got sentimental, maybe drunk on power because the ringmaster agreed to his request, maybe humble and apologetic because o the fight he had with Josiah, either way he told her he'd take the heat if anyone complained about some sugar missing. It only took a few minutes until a pan was hot enough and Grace gave Louis what he asked for. He told her to give the rest out to whomever wanted some and with his own surprise in hand, hidden behind his back as good as he could, he searched for the children and Josiah at the wagons. He remained purposfully off view when he found them, but there was no gaining Josiahs attention without them noticing, not when they all were focused on him. Louis pulled out his most autoritarian voice instead. "Josiah.", he called him over and naturally the children froze, stopped laughing even and didn't question Josiah when he left beckoned by Louis. The clown moved him behind one of the wagons, before revealing what he had brought. Cotton candy. This invention was new, exciting and expensive. The staff usually didn't get any, much less the children, but Louis saw them in awe everytime a rich kid passed them with one in hand. It was only one big clump, maybe one or two bites for each child, but it was a treat nontheless. None of them, maybe except Arthur, were ever rich. This was big for them, Louis was sure, because he too would have been overly excited by just a bite when he was their age. "I thought maybe you went a little too big on your promise of a big reward. I heard. Here.", Louis told Josiah shyly smiling, pushing the cotton candy on a stick into Josiahs hand. "You... you did great today. You truly did. Thank you."

Caring for them was a feat in itself, but not an unwelcome one by any means - Josiah enjoyed doing what he did, be it for the sake of just doing it, or for the sake of having done it, having cared for those that couldn't care for themselves; he was like a big brother to most of them, and if he was honest, he didn't want it any other way. There were so many of them that could use someone to lift them up, that could potentially live a better life were they not ensnared in the deep of this world, but also, there were so many of them that couldn't help but think 'Where are we gonna go after this'? that it almost seemed nonsensical to not consider that they might have lived a better life if they weren't part of a circus like this one. Saying goodbye to Lucas didn't happen either, it was all ... weird. Was Louis lying? No, he didn't seem like he was the type for it, and yet, Josiah couldn't help but wonder again, think about what had been said to him and what he had to deal with overall. This here wasn't who he'd grown up to love, and it also wasn't someone he'd nuture without a second thought if all of this went on - but even then, he realized that all of this was nothing but a bunch of bogus. Louis had changed, he'd grown up, and Josiah had done the same; the two of them were simply adults, nothing else.

Dancing around with them and leading them on a wild goose chase was fun, however, and it took his mind off of things - they had done great today, and he finally had gotten them to work despite simply showing off what he could do as a person, for them as people, to make them as useful as they could be in a situation like that. In the end, it appeared he'd overestimated himself regardless - or at least he didn't have an actual reward for them, not now. Why would he? This was all but a passing thought and, as it seemed, he'd figure he'd treat them to a trinket from his wagon each. Which meant he had a whole lot of kids lining up to get into a wagon that nobody but him had been welcome in for a good while; and it would, most likely, also mean that he needed to clean if the little ones went in and out with their dirty shoes still on. That didn't dim his expectations however, he still played the imaginary trumpet, just to be pulled out of his act abpruptly by none other than the guy that he was actually putting it up for. Josiah blinked slowly, almost confusedly at Louis, who normally wouldn't interfere with the things he was doing unless it was an emergency, but ... that didn't seem like one at all. "One moment.", he assured the kids with a smile and took his time, swaggering over to Louis in a ridiculous manner that earned him some giggles from a few of them, while the others were simply silent, or even hiding behind their peers. Louis really wasn't that bad, Jo figured, but he let them, and was swiftly pulled along by his old friend. "Hmm? What can I do for yooooo- ... Are you serious?" Now he was the one giggling like a little kid, looking at the clump of sugary wool being handed to him - he was happy to be wearing gloves for once, but he had to admit that the smile that Louis sported was also a very cute one, almost if he was more excited than the kids. The contortionist grinned, then giggled and held onto the big wad of fluff by the stick. "I did what I could! And ... thank you, Louis, I think they'll appreciate this much more than some random trinkets. But you really didn't have to, I would have figured something out!", Josiah giggled and, cottoncandy still in hand but far away from either of their bodies, gave Louis a big hug. "Thank you for talking to the ringmaster."

Josiah was always putting up a show for the children, in a way the circus never stopped for him. He entertained them and kept them giggling as long as Louis wasn't pulling them away for work or training. Fair enough, Josiah got his training in aside from anyone else and he didn't need to be picky about his schedule, his act worked alone, so he simply exercised when he had the time and motivation to do so. The rest of his time he seemed to spend wholy for others, maybe that was also a reason why he exploded like that, because he never truly allowed himself to, but that was only speculation. Now after Louis handed over the cotton candy like a bouquet of flowers, Josiah was seriously happy and giggling away again. "Yeah, give it to them.", Louis nodded. He was serious, very much so and he didn't expect nor want any form of thanks from either Josiah nor the children, hence why he pulled him away somewhat secretive. "It's alright..." Louis would take the blame if there was any. Right now he didn't care much and wanted to show mostly Josiah, that he listened to him and that he didn't just say he appreciated him to get him off his back.

The hug came unexpected once more and Louis again wasn't sure how to react. This was a genuine, happy hug, wasn't it? One that Louis hadn't felt in a long time. They both were taller now, Josiah a bit more so than Louis, but other than that it didn't feel much different on Josiahs part. "No problem... he... wasn't mad or anything...", Louis reported still a little bit confused about the whole ordeal. He should have questioned it more but at this point, he wanted to believe that it was as easy as that, despite also feeling guilty, because maybe he could have done the same for others before Lucas, but he never tried hard enough apparently. He always argued when he was beconed the first time, but never came back to again tell the ringmaster that he should reconsider, or maybe him coming empty handed brought a more definite no across. Was that all that was needed? "Come on, go. The kids are waiting for you.", Louis eventually said and slowly escaped the hug.

Gifts were important to the kids - they had next to nothing half the time and a real present was hard to come by. Sometimes, Josiah spotted them looking at their guests, lugging around their beloved and expensive toys, or just wearing nicer clothes; there was always something that the children could be jealous of if they as much as sought it out for more than a second. Someone could have had more than them in a past life, someone could perceive their individual treatment as unfair and so forth - Louis, however, seemed to he impartial to all of them, and Josiah was quite aware that, no, none of these things were necessary, and yet, cotton candy was a perfect gift for all of them. It was something they had always wanted but never truly spoken up about; it was something that all of them could enjoy and something that would not require him to let a bunch of kids into his wagon to pick it apart. “A-are you sure? What about you?” Some trickery was needed to make the little ones believe his tall tales, but even the older ones wouldn’t buy any lie he could come up with. What was he to tell them? “I’m glad, then.”, Josiah snickered.

There was no warm embrace, no hug back, but he wasn’t even sure if he wanted or deserved one in the first place. The longer he thought about it, the more idiotic this all would wind up sounding to him; Josiah knew he had to and definitely should abstain, but … could he? As he was softly shooed away, he simply chuckled about it. “I’m glad to hear that. Still in one piece as well, that’s the important part! What would I ever do without you?”, he whispered, yet questioned it all aloud, just for the two of them to hear as he tiptoed around between a fine line of knowledge shared between them. Was anyone else even aware of this? Probably not, at least not at this time, and Josiah still was the one that tried to reach out for his old friend, despite everything - despite the fact that they should be hating one another’s guts by now. “Alright, alright, they are! Can we … talk later? Just … about this. Nothing bad. I’m just … very grateful! Thank you, Lou, really. For both this and talking talking to the ringmaster. Having someone reliable like you around is important. So, thank you!l”, Josiah chuckled and waved at Louis before he whisked himself back to the kids, presenting them with the stick of fluffy sugar they had more than earned after all of this - something the ringmaster would see as something that went against him, and yet, they’d already wasted so much time on the funnier things in life, Josiah blended right in with the kids he gave the cotton too; their stars lit up like little night skies and the reactions themselves were truly mesmerizing, even if dinner was right around the corner.

What about Louis? Josiah would never stop worrying about him, would he now? Louis just shrugged his shoulders. To him his life, safety or whatever Josiah was concerned with, wasn't important. "Don't worry.", he stated once more. His smiling friend was very content with what he got and maybe content with what Louis did, being somewhat nice for once. There was no way Josiah would ever abandon him and Louis didn't want to hurt him anymore. He'd seen how much the past three years took out of him, what Louis did to his best friend and if hurt was all he was able to achieve with his behavior, then Louis rather stopped. "You don't need me...", Louis answered his friend, but knew that wasn't something he wanted to hear. He averted his gaze, but looked back at him, surprised by Josiahs sudden request. "Y-Yeah...", he agreed talking to Josiah later. After dinner, everyone usually was free to do whatever they wanted, for now Louis watched his friend going back to the children. Louis heard them cheer and be excited, but he stayed behind the wagon, before eventually leaving.

The children were excited when Josiah came back, more excited than they were before. They swarmed him, but behaved, once they spotted the cotton candy. Soon enough they lined up, everyone ripping some of the cottoncandy off the stick, stuffing it into their mouths. Some ate it slowly, savoured it, some devoured it. All of them cheered for Josiah and vowed to be good the following days as well. All went well, at first at least and Lucas was save, among the other children, unsuspecting of which fate he dodged. Then again, it took only a second, a little push, one child bumping into him and him bumping into some crates that dangerously started to tumble right above him.

Louis went to find some work he could do to pass the time. He wasn't feeling like eating with everyone else, so when dinner was ready, he got his share and quickly left. He felt uneasy, more so then usual. The ringmaster didn't beckon him again, Lucas was save, everything was well. Maybe he should just be glad about it, happy. Going back to the ringmaster would only put everything he seemingly accomplished in jeopardy, so he didn't. He ate in his wagon and afterwards stayed inside. He had some books around, but he didn't feel like reading either. He looked outside his tiny window into the night, wondering if there was a qay to tell Josiah everything, but he came up with nothing at all. He thought about this for a long time, for years, why would anything be different now? Josiah just wanted to talk, about today, not about the usual questions he had, if he came at all. Of course he would, Josiah was always keeping his word. Was Louis nervous? What for even?

Josiah was glad the children behaved; in fact, he actually was overjoyed that all of them seemed to be into the idea that was proposed to them and the gift they received: Fluffy sweetness, something given to them by Louis, who probably would never take credit for a job well done like this one. To them, he wanted to be strict, maybe even impossibly far away so they wouldn't grow attached, but Josiah knew his old friend a bit too well, regardless. At heart, he seemingly still had a soft spot, something that he most likely could not argue with, and something that he, all things considered, could not cast aside anymore. No matter what, Josiah thought, deep down, Louis was still the same. No matter what; he needed him, be it for those pesky night-terrors or perhaps even a situation that he quite literally couldn't get out of all by himself: His best friend was that one person that he never wanted to miss, even if they didn't always get along - even if there was no way for both of them to just stick by one anothers side until hell froze over or whatever it was. But no, this wasn't about that, not right now anyway, when he was busy telling the children tall tales and escorting them away as each and every single one of them delighted in a piece of sweet fuzz. Dinner was upon them eventually, but until then, they needed a proper distraction and would do well if they went to bed rather sooner than later eventually.

As night crept upon them, Josiah suddenly was the one that had an uneasy feeling, even at dinner - his eyes lay upon the children he watched, sometimes like a mother hen - and then darted around the room as he enjoyed their meal with all he could. Sometimes, it was harder than anticipated, other times he simply had to force himself to swallow it all. Regardless, however, he always kept an eye out for Lou, had for years, but this time again, he almost was nowhere to be seen, at least not when the bulk of them ate and when he did appear, it only was to disappear again. Of course Josiah couldn't ask if everything was alright, then and there, not with so many eyes watching, so many people being particularly demanding of him, wanting him to tell another tall tale for them to enjoy while eating their meal, but even that drew to a close already, and he had to realize that - in the end - maybe he was good at telling white lies after all. The children enjoyed it when he told them fables and myths, old stories that he couldn't even decypher himself, but most of the time, they rejoiced when he was the one that told them something fantastical that would never happen, not even in a circus, were a pegasus or a flying pink alligator seemed like it wasn't out of the ordinary. Tonight, the wind blew earily, but the children were all tucked in, and Jo felt confident enough when he finished up that there would be no goners in the morning, even if he insisted Lucas sleep elsewhere between his siblings, hidden in a pile of children that were none the wiser and figured it was all part of a grand scheme to keep the youngest of them the warmest. By the time he dragged his feet across the dirt and over to Louis wagon, he already felt somewhat exhausted, but he arrived without issue, the wind almost bellowing menancingly as he knocked on the door. "Louis? It's me. I'm coming in.", he whispered alongside the first gust that hit him; he opened up, then closed the door behind him, and leaned against it as if he had someone following him here. As soon as he saw Louis face, he breathed a sigh of relief. "I ... wanted to apologize, still. What I did today wasn't what I should have done. I was out of line. You didn't deserve that.", he spoke, almost immediately, with no reason to hide his intentions. "And ... thank you, for ... for letting Lucas stay."

When it suddenly knocked on Louis door, he was startled, even though he expected a visitor. It was late already, but Louis knew that Josiah was always busy telling stories to the children so they could find some sleep and tucking them all in. That usually took its time, but in a way he thought he wouldn't come anymore, or wait in his own wagon instead, for Louis to show up. Either way, before he could even get up to open his door, Josiah already stood inside, looking like he'd been chased and was now hiding, but only for a second. Was it the wind still, that agitated Josiah even as a grown up? The days got shorter too and it was long dark outside. Josiah had good reasons to feel on edge around here and it seemed like he was very sensible in that regard, more than others. When they were younger Louis always thought it was childish, sometimes he also felt like something was watching him, but children were scared of the dark sometimes, he thought it was normal. Now he knew better. It wasn't dangerous outside, nor did ghosts fly around the place, at least not that he knew, but the feeling had to come from somewhere.

However, as soon as Josiah looked at Louis he seemed to relax, or at least think about other things, starting to talk right away. "Huh? What do you mean?", Louis asked visibly confused. An apology? Oh right... "Ah... no worries." Yes, right, Josiah punched him square in the face and ripped on his shirt, but he probably earned that one. Nothing much has happened in the end. There were no broken bones, Louis wasn't even sure if there was anything that gave it away. His scar was also good to cover things up. Again Louis shook his head. "As I said, it isn't my choice." He looked at Josiah who still stood at the door. Was he ever in here before? Not that Louis could remember. "You wanna sit down?", he asked him, nodding at the small stool opposite of him at the table. "I should probably apologize... I argued with the ringmaster before... I argue with him everytime, but I never came back empty handed and asked him to think it over again. If I had... who knows how many would still be here..." Louis looked at the table and his hands which lay on top of it. He felt terrible, if it was truly this easy.

The wind carried endless whispers, far into the country and back out here - often enough, Josiah felt as if this circus always stopped in the middle of nowhere, at the edge of the world, with nobody but the world itself encompassing them, watching over them, keeping them afloat; out here, they were all alone, victims to howling winds that, for better or for worse, would catch up on them if one let them. Not once was he able to figure out why it kept him on edge, not twice did he think about what spooked him so much, but three times the wind howled and he'd think of it as an omen, old and harrowing, as if someone had embedded that fact deep into every fold of his brain. "Are you sure? Does it hurt? Is your nose fine?", he asked, his own fingers trembling as he raised them, touched the pale skin upon his face like he could feel the phantom pain, but even then, this was different. His fingers were much more bendy and delicate, not used to rough work, unlike Louis', who seemingly hauled everything around whenever he needed to - it would always feel different, and always hurt different, especially on nights like these, when Josiah needed a bit to take off his shoes, to gander around the unfamiliar wagon and to take in a smell that hit him too late, yet, carried with it an air of familiarity, something that calmed him down for better or worse.

Louis was like some sort of drug to Josiah, in the worst possible way, too. Whenever he was just near him, the blonde felt like he could relax, as if the world around him also belonged to him and as if he, without a doubt, would survive any kind of ailment. Whatever it was that happened, it didn't matter anymore the moment he was close to Lou, strangely enough. Was he bewitched by this guy? No, maybe it was their lifelong friendship that just ate him up from the inside out and he was too much of an idiot to admit it. "I know, but you ... didn't have to do that, you know? Thank you for talking to the ringmaster - I'm not sure if he'd listened to me if I pleaded with him.", he sighed and put his boots next to the door as he walked over to the stool he was offered. It wasn't a long walk, and it definitely wasn't a quick one either - their wagons were small, almost crummy, but they made do with the space they had and it helped that they were on their feet most of the day regardless. Still, he leaned back and caught himself mid-air, looking upward to Louis as he smiled at him. "Thanks." There wasn't much to say, but the wind howled and knocked against the window; the low flame of the candle in Louis wagon illuminated it all and let their shadows dance on the ceiling, mixed in with an entire collection of things, all stuff that Louis seemingly cherished. "Why are you apologizing? I get what the ringmaster wants ... it hurts, I understand, but maybe they're better off out there, somewhere, you know?", Josiah proposed, smiling slightly as he faced Louis. "Some aren't made for this, either - but Lucas ... is too young to know. You can't judge a six year old by his performance, he's not even reading all that well either yet. He deserves a chance, you know? Some years to prove himself, to grow up and impress. Arthur has less time, I get that, he's older, but what kid in Lucas age ever outperformed the ringmasters expectations?", he huffed. Not a single one for sure.

"Nothing's broken.", Louis was quick to answer. "And it doesn't hurt either." Josiah was the one better equipped to tell him if there was any bruise, but even if, it didn't matter much. Louis wasn't mad and in a way he probably earned it. He hurt Josiah, more than that little punch had hurt probably. Three years he ignored his best friend and even now he couldn't tell him what was going on and he wasn't even sure if he could properly protect him from the going ons in this circus. Josiah worried too much, Louis could see it not only in his face, but in his whole being. He was trembling just thinking about it. Maybe he was more upset with the fact that he was capable of punching someone, really anyone, or maybe even more so because it was Louis. Still, he understood. However much they talked, or argued, there never had been any substance to it, because Louis couldn't be fully honest. To think that his behavior got Josiah to such a dark place was on him and nothing he saw beforehand.

Josiah being in his wagon for the first time probably made him question everything he saw. Louis didn't have much here, some necessities and besides that mostly books. A lot of them. Many of which he owned before and bought with Josiah when they were younger, with the little pocket change they got around here. Some were new, heavier, some were about new topics, not just the casual Penny Dreadful about vampires and werewolves, things Josiah never truly enjoyed alone. He had some books about the occult, magic, demons and little else. He also read about politics and some fictional stories to pass time. He couldn't always study and be frustrated about making no progress. "I'm not heartless either you know...?", Louis slowly answered, even though that was something he wanted to bring across often times. "They are not.", Louis quickly said. Everyone leaving here... he couldn't tell Josiah. "You don't have to tell me, as I said, I'm not making the decisions." He looked up again at his friend, then leaned back. "How about we talk about something else...? About... I dunno... something unimportant. Or we could play a game. I think I have cards around." Given, maybe it was unfair to play against someone who knew how to do a platora of card tricks.

"That's good ... I think? I mean, I'm glad you aren't hurting too much, but ... does it really not hurt? That wasn't exactly a soft slap." In fact, it was so hard that calling it a slap wasn't even the right word for it. He'd punched Louis square in the face, so much so that he had pummeled to the floor and fallen right onto his ass, his fall merely cushioned by whatever meat and muscles that he had on his bones. If anything, at least his ass was probably bruised just the slightest bit, but Josiah had nothing to prove that, and he also wasn't a kid anymore that could go around, asking all those silly questions just to satisfy his curiosity. "Can I take a look? Just to make sure. I mean, your scar's fine, right? No bursting at the seams or anything?", Josiah asked once more, entirely convinced that whatever anger had had funneled into a swing of his fist had done enough to damage more than just Louis and his emotional connection; the two of them were, for better or worse, linked to one another through past and present, and of course one friend would worry about the other. Why not? That wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

Unlike his own wagon, this one was incredibly unfamiliar to him - Josiah stretched over to Louis, despite sitting on a stool that seemingly felt further away than it ever had been. His own thoughts were circulating elsewhere, through nothingness and everything at the same time, but he always stopped at one single thought that, despite everything, would probably haunt him: There was tension between them, whether they liked it or not, and there was no sane chance for the two of them to get out of the way, even as Josiah was eyeing the interior of this place up and down. "You should pick up some more trinkets next time.", he suddenly mumbled. "I think that would help making this place look livelier ... now that I think about it, you can have some of mine?", Josiah chuckled, but he meant it. Was Louis really interested in leaving his wagon as bleak as it could be? Or was this merely for show? In the end, their living quarters separated them, in a way. "I know you aren't, that's not what I was insinuating." That never would be it. In fact, he had no reason to believe Louis was anything but career-oriented; he wasn't heartless, not the slightest bit. "I know, I know, but I'm still grateful you talked to him, alright?", the contortionist chuckled and plucked a feather off of Louis shirt. Where did that come from? Probably this guys cushion or blanket, or maybe he was just lucky. Either way, he did put it in Louis hair, where it would look miles better. "Cards? Against you? How about we write down Josiah: ten losses and Louis: ten wins instead?" That was true, but even then. "How abouuuut ... hm. If you could go anywhere you wanted, with or without the circus, where would it be?"

"Maybe it did in the moment, but now. I've had worse.", Louis answered. What had been worse was obvious and Josiah knew that pain, but aside that, Louis often times landed on his ass, got some gadgetry in his face, or sprained his wrist by falling while training. He wasn't perfect, no one here was. Josiah worried too much, but Louis sighed and nodded. "Sure. But I'm fine.", he agreed to let him take a look at his face. Maybe once he made sure that there was nothing wrong, nothing broken or ripped, Josiah would be at peace and drop the topic. Louis word wasn't good enough, but he could understand why. Even after the fire he claimed he was fine, directly after dragging himself and Josiah out he did. He always played strong, but this time he didn't, he was fine and actually forgot that happened this morning when Josiah brought it up again. Lucas was much more on his mind, or rather the fact that it was so easy to save him. He still felt uneasy too, but Josiahs presence took his mind off of his troubles.

Josiah was looking around Louis wagon even closer. Compared to their shared old home it was kind of empty, true, but... "I like it this way. I have more room.", he told him. He was never annoyed by all the trinkets Josiah owned and he also had had a lot of stuff, but he'd grown out of it it seemed. "Livelier? I'm just here to read and sleep.", he reminded Josiah. He also didn't want to own too much. Well, aside from books he had some make up around here and clothes, but most was stored with the other things that was used by everyone. Josiah still thanked him for simply talking to the ringmaster and at this point Louis just nodded, taking the thanks with no further comment. "I won't cheat. You can shuffle the cards, I can even look away if you want.", he proposed, but maybe Josiah would just trust him? Then again, he'd always question Louis intentions whatever the outcome. The next question left Louis puzzled. "Uhm... I don't know. I never thought about that." And truth be told, they didn't know many places either.

"I know, but just because you've had worse doesn't mean that the small things won't hurt.", he reprimanded the big guy. Sure, Louis was taller than him, maybe the slightest bit bulkier, but overall, not only were they pretty much the same in build, they also shared their pain often enough. The scars on Louis body were proof enough of that, and while Josiahs were miniscule in comparison, they both had something more to bond over than just that. As it seemed, the circus was out to get them; which was a silly thought. "I know, I know, but I'm still worried, and I have every right to be." While this was but a friendly reminder, Josiah meant it - he knew that fooling Louis wasn't something he'd ever be capable of, and he also knew that he wasn't quite the guy to outright lie to him. For now, he simply should drop the topic, but just to make sure, he leaned forward and eyed the scars that ran over Louis face, which miraculously didn't impact his sight at all - still, it was gnarly to look at, and maybe even disgusting to some, but Josiah was more interested in it than anything else. "How many fingers am I holding up?", he dared to question, while raising his pinky and ring finger into Louis general vicinity.

Afterward, he sank back down into his seat and sighed, almost relieved. There was little they had done for each other for the past years, that much was true, and worse than that, he also had to admit that there was, without a doubt, no way in hell he'd figure any of this out for himself, even if he eventually had to. Mistakes were made all the time, and maybe, just maybe, coming here was one as well. "You're right, but it lacks ... some sort of Louis charm, you know? Something that screams that it's yours, or like, leaves behind an impression. Hm ... what would that be in your case anyway?", Josiah mumbled to himself, bout still outloud, as if he needed to find something among all those books that served as groundwork for what he was about to suggest. Nothing came to mind, no spine was bearing any interesting title, but before long, he was looking at Louis with the eyes of a pleading pup. "What about a dead insect or two? They're colorful, go well with the biology books you have and ... I mean, they won't be in your way if you nail them to the walls of your wagon." His friend probably wasn't onboard and Josiah remembered a time, when they both were kids, where Louis would probably have thought butterflies were the devils' creation and not at all as cute as Josiah made them sound like. Colorful, yes, but also evil, apparently. "No, no. I trust you. If you want to play, we can - but if I lose, I'm gonna have to see if you have any cards in your sleeves or glued to the table.", the blonde laughed and leaned back again, his head already submerged in clouds that nobody but him could see. "Should I go get a map? Do you have one? Maybe we can start thinking about an imaginary vacation!" The circus worked all year round and seldom took breaks, especially ones that were not needed - money was crucial to feed all of the performers living here after all.

Louis sighed and rolled his eyes. Josiah couldn't just believe him that he was perfectly fine, huh? Josiah did what he wanted, came closer and looked closely at Louis face as if gis scars would hide the bruise he was searching for. Maybe he just wanted to look at the scar up close, which Louis never let him before, because he kept his distance in general. There wasn't much to look at but rough scar texture that looked like his face melted on one side. When Josiah held up two fingers Louis rolled his eyes again. "Two. Why would you ask that?" He wasn't blind, he didn't have a concussion and he wasn't sure why this came from. Josiah seemed satisfied though and leaned back again, Louis did the same. "Louis Charme?", he asked rasining an eyebrow yet again. "I don't know... I think that fits me. I work or I read and I guess I got rather practical. This wagon is practical." He had no use for meaningless trinkets and maybe he didn't want to bind himself to anything in this world, he didn't want to care.

That wasn't what Josiah wanted to hear, was it now? It didn't leave him satisfied and Louis crossed his arms. "I'm not really into sparkling... Or insects.", he answered truthfully. What was he into? Work? Makeup maybe, he enjoyed designing new faces for everyone, sort of, but that didn't mean he wanted to hang some white paint on the wall. He had dome scratches, but he mostly worked spontaneously and even if not, he didnt6want to placate his drawings and force everyone to look at them when thex entered. It would probably also aggitate himself, because he'd find somezhing wrong with it eventually. Louis stood up, opened a drawer and procured a deck of cards. He lay it on the table, then rolled up his sleeves, demonstrating to Josiah ghat he in fact could not store any cards in his sleeves, by raising both arms anf turning them. He gave him a meaningful look, then took the cards and started to shuffle. "What do you wanna play?", he asked. Josiahs next idea was outlandish and kind of a sore topic. Louis would never leave this place, so why entertain those thoughts. He quickly answered something, just to get ot over with. "The beach."

Was this topic really that sore for Louis? Josiah could only fathom, but it would be better if he let it be, then. There was no harm done if he ignored it, and actually, he didn't need to badger the younger one for more information than needed. Both of them were being immature, at least with the way they currently behaved, but at the very least, neither of them held it against the other. The blonde was happy about a few things, not in here but overall, and he snickered as he heard Louis. "Did anyone ever perform an eye exam after the fire? Like, I know that you might not have 20/20 vision, but the way that scar looks makes me think that your eye might have gotten hurt too. Or am I worrying too much?", he asked, out of politeness and concern, rather than anything else. What could he do? To him, everyone younger than him was someone he should look out for, and Louis wasn't an exception, no matter how hard he tried to be. "I'm no doctor, but still ...", Josiah murmured, tacked onto his sentence and let it be known; and yet, there was nothing else for him to say, to answer, to do. "But Louis' charme isn't practical, you know? Nothing about it being practical says it's ... you. Think about it, what's your favorite color?" If he were to say green, Josiah might as well smack him again.

"Hm, what else is there, let me think ... what about ... hm ...", Josiah was entrenched in his own thoughts almost immediately, no longer concerned with how blue a scar could get or how icky the roughhoused skin looked from where he could see. They had to hurt, they probably did, but he never had been able to see them up that close, or even almost touch them. What if the skin just moved, broke off, and he'd leave his friend with a large, painful fleshwound? Everything in his stomach curled up and he bit back a gag that the sole thought of all of this almost squeezed out of him. "What about some masks? Flashy, and you can decorate them yourself. Plus, they kind of die into the things you do, you know?", he suggested to Louis, unsure if he would even consider it. Sure, he didn't have to, but Josiah was sure he'd enjoy it if his friend acted a little bit more like he was still alive and not gone with the ashes in the wind, much like their old tent and some of his hair. "Slapjack? Old Maids? Go Fish?", Josiah answered, with a puzzled expression on his face. There were easier card games, but his attention rested on Lou's arms soon enough, arms that were neither unscathed nor a new sight to see. Would he ever make it out of this encounter alive? What an unlikely thought that was, but at the same time, maybe he was just a bit too grim overall. Perhaps Josiah should put away the filter he saw through and look at the colors in front of him. "The beach? You'll have sand in your shoes."

"I'm perfectly fine, besides my looks. I can move normally, I can see normally and also, I have two eyes. I can breath normally too, all there is is an ugly face and some lack of feeling in the scarred parts...", Louis explained it all plainly. Maybe Josiah would leave it be afterwards, there was nothing much to add after all. He wouldn't though, would he? Louis stopped shuffling the cards and looked at his friend. There was never a doctor coming here, no one who cared for him but the ringmaster. Maybe he was a doctor before he opened a circus? Possible, but not likely. "Ask away then. I'll answer what I can. Do you want to touch it? It's not unlike your scars, only bigger." Would that soothe Josiahs curiosity? Louis couldn't tell him how he survived, how his vision was fine, his lungs too after inhaling hot air and smoke. He couldn't tell him how the ringmasters knowledge was enough to get him through. "My favorite color? Blue, I suppose. I have blue pillows.", he told his friend. Was he supposed to buy some weird things, as long as they were blue now? That hardly described him either. He started shuffling again.

"Why is that important? No one usually comes in here anyway." Maybe Josiah wanted to visit more often, or he was just trying tofigure out who his friend became, but with nothing to go by that was hard. That was exactly it though. Louis was no one anymore, he didn't feel like someone. He felt empty, he had purpose maybe, but not for himself. There was little he enjoyed at this point in his life. "I hardly have the time for that." Finally Josiah made some suggestions and Louis sighed - those were all childrens games! "Fine.", he grumbled, turning the cards over to find a queen, put the card out and placed it on the table, before shuffling again. Then he dealt all the card to the two of them. "Then I won't wear shoes.", he answered and looked up again to follow Josiahs gaze. "Are the scars bothering you?"

"I never said your looks weren't fine. Do you ... think less of yourself because of the scars?", Josiah asked, and he meant it. There wasn't a moment where he didn't wonder if he'd look more acceptable without his scars, or without the flashy hair, but then again, it had become part of him - all of it - and he was the one that had started it all in the first place. "I'm just curious, I'm sorry. You've never let me get that close ever since the fire, so I had to jump on the opportunity. I didn't mean to be insensitive." His decision was one of regret almost immediately, especially as he started to realize that maybe, just possibly, his friend wasn't as open and welcoming about something he never intended to talk about in the first place. Factually, he had come here just to talk, not about anything major, definitely not about the incident, but even then, he wasn't sure if that was for the best. Easing his worries, well, that was one way to think about it, but how would he ever do that? "No no, I saw enough.", he replied, already flustered. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright, and I'm sure it's plenty painful without me touching it, even if its just a scar. "I'm late, I know, but I wanted to check in on you. You always work efficently, that's not why I'm asking, I just want to make sure."

As sore as these topics could be, Josiah was great at making conversation, but also plenty apologetic about it. No matter what, he'd find who was at fault for certain situations, and half the time, he figured it was himself, be it because of the absolute mess he created every now and then when he misspoke, or because he simply failed to shut up for just a moment. "Blue like the ocean or blue like the sky?", he wanted to know; neither of them had ever seen the ocean for that matter, though, and Josiah had to admit that he, be it because of his own hard-headedness or simply his caring nature, sometimes passed up the opportunity to go see it anyway - simply because Louis couldn't come. "Well, I'm here now, and it is important because that's the only home we have, you know? I'd want something that screams Josiah if I owned something, even as small as a wagon. Most of your clothes aren't even blue.", he pointed out, and he was right. All of their clothing was flashy, sure, but blue was a more somber color that few of them wore, especially darker tones, and especially because the fabric was just much more expensive to buy; the only thing more expensive had to be the purple in one of his own robes, something that he cherished and took care of like no other. "Wanna play something else?", he asked, as he put his hands on the cards and sighed. "I play with the children sometimes, it just were the first things that came to mind ... what about Rommé, do you know that one?" But the time of decisions was over, and his eyes lay not on his cards but still on Louis. "Hm, that would be nice, in summer at least." The beach could be one hell of a trip, but they'd be nowhere near it anytime soon. "No.", he replied, averting his gaze. "It's ... you're different. Not ugly different, not bothering different. It's just ... alot to take in."